Infinity Recalled.. for you, for me.

Four Important Things I learnt being Jobless

2016-04-13T14:29:00.001+05:30

Being out of work (let's avoid using the harsh word 'jobless') doesn't come out of choice. It could happen to any of us. For sure, it has happened to me and currently I am in that phase of life where I really don't have anything constructive going on my work life.

It was my personal decision to leave work because I was bitten by the 'IAS' bug. The decision also came at a time when I was really frustrated with my work life - erratic hours, sleep deprivation and what not! I wanted a 'change', a break from the monotony but at the same time what was exactly was it that I wanted, I didn't know! yes! When you don't know what you want, you end up feeling worthless and dejected.

So, I decided to study further. The plan was set. I would give myself one year to prepare for IAS Exam and if I don't get through, I will start working again. Simple!

Until reality hit me! Turns out that getting back to the real scenario was starting to get difficult. Meanwhile a lot of things happened, my husband and I started our own successful venture. God has been kind enough to us.

But, during that one and. a half year of time, I learnt a great deal - in terms of managing home, coming to terms with life, learning new things which I would not be to do otherwise. It was a like blessing a disguise.

So Here are the 5 Important things that I learnt being jobless. Of course, these are completely my observations, I do not wish you to subscribe to them if you don't.want to.

1. Learning to Cook

I never knew Cooking can be such a stress buster. If you met Twp years ago, I probably wouldn't even be able to cook a simple dish but during the time that I got to spend at home when I wasn't working, I start developing a knack for cooking. I would call up my mom for her recipes, watch YouTube videos and read recipe books to learn the art of making food. And trust me, it was all worth it. I am now a step up from being amateur cook to a reasonably good one. Yes, this habit got developed out of nothingness but I am glad it did.

2. I read. A LOT!

I love books. They hold a special place in my heart. Over the years, given my hectic work schedule and other errands, I was less and less time to read books. I would end up buying at least one book whenever I went to Landmark or Crosswords book store, but it would just be lying there for days without me even reading a page of it. So, when I was finally at home during that one year of joblessness, I caught up with my favorite hobby - Reading and thank god I did.

3. Yoga/Meditation

Empty mind is devil's workshop, they say! Well, it holds completely true when you really don't have anything constructive to do and you are home all day and hundred other things are going through your mind. Its quite natural. But there is a way to break this pattern. And I found solace in Yoga and Meditation. Trust me, it was one of the best decisions of life to introduce myself to the art of meditation. I learnt to meditate, which led me to inner peace and tranquillity which was very important. I am sure there are a lot of people who at least once in their life go through a phase where don't understand where is life taking them and what is the purpose of life. That's exactly where meditation comes in. It lets you come to terms with reality and depending on how you imbibe it, you learn to understand the importance of loving yourself. Frankly, I was never the kind of person who had so much patience for this kind of stuff but I guess one should never say no. I did a week's course called Inner Engineering, an initiative of Isha Foundation founded by Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev and I realised that this was it. This was exactly what I was looking for. More on this, later.

4. Travel and Explore.

I have a soul of a traveller. Just a mere mention of the word travel, gets me excited. Doesn't matter what destination it is. I honestly believe that every damn thing or place in this world, has something unique or special about it. All we need to do is explore. No, I am not suggesting a world tour here. There's beauty all around us. In the last six months or so, I travelled to so many remote locations across Punjab and Himachal. It was truly an exhilarating experience. I was introduced to different dialects, cultural traits, housing structures, roads, valleys, mountains, food etc. So whenever you are on a break, voluntarily or involuntarily, take a small vacation to any place nearby and just explore the beauty of that place. Interact with the people of that place and enjoy their way of living. Its an experience in itself.

PS; Why do we always take life seriously?

How memory, identity and globalization are linked in Who Do You Think You Are (BBC One Series)

2016-04-13T14:26:00.001+05:30

How memory, identity and globalization are linked in Who Do You Think You Are (BBC One Series)

Introduction: Who Do You Think You Are? (WDYTYR) is a BBC One series in which celebrities go on a genealogy quest to find about more about their ancestral life and family history. It is a show which not only helps in uncovering facts but also breaking myths that a celebrity must have previously held or assumed. In the face of Globalization, where people are constantly moving around cross national boundaries, in search of better life and jobs, there is an inevitable question that haunts us all — ‘Who Am I?, ‘Where do I belong?’. Also, in order to begin the quest for identity, memory plays an important role. The aim of this essay is to explore the three most prevalent themes of Memory, Identity and Globalization. I plan to explore these themes by analysing the episode which featured Noted British Filmmaker Gurinder Chadha, who is best known for her film “Bend It Like Beckham” and “Bride and Prejudice”.

Background and reasons for being on the show: Gurinder was born in 1960, in Nairobi, Kenya. A year after her birth, her father Bhajan Singh decided to move to England in a hope to start a new life. The show explores her journey from a small town of Kericho, where her father was born and where her grandfather and his brothers owned a lot of businesses, even till today, and ends in a small village of Dariyala Jhelum, in Pakistan, where she finally traces her family roots. Her father’s death in motivated her to know more about his life as a young person and also her ancestral ties. Amid this, she also hopes to find her own place in the family history.

“When I was in school, All the teachers used to say, ‘oh these poor kids, they don’t know if they are Indian or English.” Her quest begins with this very first scene, which is an exploration of the idea of Identity crisis. “But I never really understood that. Because as far as I was concerned, I always knew when to be ‘Indian’ at home with relatives, when to be ‘English’ with all my friends in school or down the street.” This thought of juggling between two identities, is in fact can be called as an important aspect of global world too. Critically, this can be related to Anthony Gidden’s concept of ‘deterritorialized identity’ – the ways in which local identities are detached from a place. (Tomlinson, 1999). An interesting observation by Stuart Hall explains that we live in a modern world where due to rapid movements in places from regions to regions, identities today are not unified anymore; they are becoming increasingly fragmented and increasingly multiply too. Due to rapid radical historicization, identities are constantly in the process of change and transformation. (Hall and Gray, 1996). Does this point out that in this age of globalization, the idea of fixed identity lost its meaning?

To answer this question, we analyse another important theme weaved in this show - of Migrants. As the voice over tells us - Towards the end of 19th century, the British empire was on rise of expansion in Africa. They were in need of trained workers who were accustomed to working in harsh conditions, and Indian workforce was the ideal contenders. That’s how Gurinder’s grandfather’s brother Ladha Singh moved to Kenya to work in the railways. He later on invited Gurinder’s grandfather Bishen Singh too. This revelation explores the theme of migration of people in search of jobs and better living. Migration leads to culture homogenization and better flow of trade and commerce. As Hall (Hall and Gay, 1996), points out, the process of migration, free or forced, had become a global phenomenon of the post colonial world. According to Bhabha (1994, cited in Thusu, 2000, p. 188), the issue of identity is central to migrant lifestyle, living as they often do ‘between cultures’. However, Anderson (1991, cited in Thusu, 200, p. 188) points out that this idea of dual identity gives rise an imaginary homeland, makes people susceptible to accepting cultural hybridity. Hence, we can see that why the idea of exploring identity in the world of globalization is so implicitly linked in this show. Especially, the question of finding’s one own identity, is quite relatable in Gurinder’s case because, her parents were immigrants living in London, her grandparents, originally from India, were migrants to Kenya. As Luthra(2010) interesting points out that immigrants ask these questions (of who they are, where they come from) about themselves or others with a greater sense of urgency as “we have left behind our homelands and the spaces that have for so long determined who we are.”

Especially for people, who migrate to a country which is totally different from their own, culturally as well as geographically? To illustrate this point, one example could be the fact that Chadha has very well managed to capture the lives of immigrants in most of her films, especially with regards to identity. “In particular, her camera lens zooms in on the lives of young people who out of necessity become ambidextrous negotiating two worlds and two cultures. Her stories layer multiple conversations - between immigrants and their native neighbours, immigrants and their families back home, and between immigrants and their children.”(Luthra, 2010) This vitally points out that she has at some point in her life, faced the issue of Identity crisis herself. Peter Lunt’s analysis(2006) that “The present is diminished in meaning because of the lack of grounding in the past and, therefore, does not provide a context to go confidently into the future.”

In 1961, when Bhajan left his young family in Kenya and came to England, he had to compromise his religious beliefs, to be able to get a job in London. Gurinder’s mother informs that the reason for this was that Bhajan was unable to find any job in London with his turban and beard. Life was hard and to survive, he resorted to menial jobs like post delivery. This particular incident explores the theme of racial discrimination and hostility. In another scene, Gurinder is on a quest to find out more about her Grandfather’s brother Ladha Singh and the rumour surrounding him that he was allegedly living with an African woman. Surprisingly, during her quest, her relatives are not ready to give out exact details about this rumour. But through other sources she finally finds out that her uncle did had a secret affair with an African woman and they had a child too. These incidents throws light upon the issue of racism, hostility, colour bar, social class segregation and slavery, all of which are global themes. But, when we look at such issues from the point of view of culture and identity many theorists such as T.S. Eliot critically examine such cases and asserting that movement of people across countries, have the possibility of positive effects too. According to Eliot (cited in Hall, 1996, p. 54)., even as the parent culture could be radically different from the newly adapted culture, and lead to culture-clash or culture sympathy, it still leads to hybridization of ethnicity, race and language. As Hall argues, Identities are about questions of using the resources of history, language and culture in the process of becoming rather than being: not ‘who we are’ or ‘where we came from’. (Hall and Gay, 1996, p.4)

Use of Photographs – as memorials
The theme of memory runs throughout this episode. And the main symbols or representational signs that help explore the memory are the use of photographs along with film archives. Photographs act as a link between connecting the memory of past to present. An interesting observation by Lunt (2006, p. 13) is that memory is constructed in particular ways in the programme and number of different technical devices are used to represent memories. Photographs act as wonderful symbols to show that people have traces and these traces act as link between the past and present. Schneider and Walkis (1988, p. 7, cited in Thusu, 2000, p.145), present an interesting argument here in relation to images as a source of connectivity. They say that “The international dissemination of images transcends linguistic barriers, and global television has ‘created a space of its own through a unique merger of entertainment and information technologies’.” This essentially means that due of technology of satellite television and Globalization, it has now become possible to use and share these photographic and archival symbols. For example, when Gurinder and her uncle are shown talking about the horrific memories of Partition of India, in 1947, the audiences sitting at home can relate to such memories, by watching the film archives or photographs. As Lunt (2006, p. 6) mentions, “this reflects the idea that Gurinder’s memory mainly resides in the photographs and that personal memory of childhood is like a photograph album.” For Hall, who advocates the concept of ‘global mass culture’, “Television is a medium that is dominated by the image, imagery and styles of mass advertising.” (Hall, 1991: 27 cited in Thusu, 2000). Hence, critically it can be said that memory plays an important role in exploring who we are.

“I think what’s been interesting going on this journey which for e took maybe about two weeks, but it took my grandparents and my dad a lifetime. “ This particular instance highlights the importance of ‘technoscape’ and brings into limelight the connectivity that has been made possible by technology in order to reconnect with past and bring a meaning to present. As Tomlinson (1999) notes that one of most important characteristics of modern social life is the process of Globalization – a rapidly developing network of interconnections and interdependencies. And he asserts that a part credit for this to happen should be given to technology. For him, Connectivity is an annihilation of space and time. He however, raises questions on whether overcoming physical distance can matched by that of cultural distance?

“Whenever I come to India, it really makes me realise how English I am, because it to me it’s a foreign land... even though my films have done well here and people recognize me, that always makes me uncomfortable because I’ve never found a part of India, that I feel I really belong to. Similarly when she reaches Kenya, in search to know more about her Grandfather’s and his brother Ladha Singh’ life, she says “This is where I was born, but I have no connection to this place, because I was a baby then”. Throughout the show, there is this constant pattern of two different dimensions of recovery. Lunt (2006) calls them as recovery of knowledge concerning with regards to ancestry and recovery of childhood memories and experiences.
Towards the end of the programme, Gurinder finally manages to trace her ancestral roots in Dariala Jalib, a small village in Pakistan, formerly a part of India before partition. “It feels really good to be standing on a soil where my ancestors were based over 4000 years ago.” This is the point where she is probably able to makes sense of her life, and got a chance to make sense of the trial and tribulations that her family went through. In an Interview to Guardian newspaper, Gurinder admitted that “Making ‘Who Do You Think You Are? ' made me realise a lot of things about who I am,' Gurinder says. My story is the story of empire.”(Guardian). According to Kramer (cited in Lunt, 2006), a lot of credit should be given to media and flow of communication technology as it has made genealogy – a subject that hasn’t been spoken about much.

Importance of Genealogy.
Kevin Robins’ categorical statement, “What would an identity mean in isolation? Isn’t it only through the others that we become aware of who we are and what we stand for? We must consider identities on terms of relationships: what can happen through relationships and what happens to relationships” (Hall and Gay, 1996, p. 80) seems only to be underscoring an important issue — that a person’s identity can only be determined by his/her relationships. Not surprisingly, therefore, the format of the show WDYTYA seems to connect the strings between identities lost in time and with the charred threads of an improbable present.

According to websites such as familyhistory.co.uk and others, the study of genealogy plays a critical part in one’s life. Apart from finding out where you are from, it has the possibility of giving meaning to your existence. According to Kramer (cited in Lunt, 2006, p. 6), “There is a dimension of finding out about the self by looking to the past part of which is that people are searching for interesting stories that will flesh out or make their own identities more meaningful’. As Bhabha points out, “The importance of such retroaction lies in its ability to inscribe the past, reactivate it, relocate it, and resignify it. More significant, it commits our understanding of the past, and our reinterpretation of the future, to an ethics of ‘survival, that allows us to work through the present.” (Hall and Gay, 1996, p. 59-60)

Aptly had Nikolas Rose stated, “A genealogy of subjectification is a genealogy of what one might term, following Michel Foucault, ‘our relation to ourselves’. Its field of investigation comprises the kinds of attention that humans have directed towards themselves and others in different places, spaces and times.” (Hall and Gay, 1996, p. 129).

Again, like Jurgen Habermas suggests, Rationalization of the life world means differentiation and condensation at once – a thickening of the floating web of inter-subjective threads that simultaneously holds together the ever more sharply differentiated components of culture, society and person (Hall and Gay, 1996, p. 55). No wonder, therefore, that so many people such as Gurinder, are keen to give a meaning and purpose to their existence by unravelling their true identities, something that WDYTYA gives ample scope for.

Effect of Globalization on Television Formats:
Lastly, it would be interesting to touch upon the concept of Global Formats, which are inherently a result of Globalization of technology, as Appadurai calls it ‘technoscape’ (Appadurai, 2001). Aired in 2004, the first series of WDYTYR, managed to gain the highest ratings for its channel BBC One. In fact, thrusted forward by its interesting theme of genealogy — led by celebrities — the show has a viewership of about 6 million viewers. The format of the show has been so captivating that the same has been adapted by countries like U.S, Ireland, Sweden, South Africa and Australia. This adaptation of television format by other countries is one of the key reasons why one would associate the term ‘Globalization’ with ‘WDYTYR’.

According to Thusu (2000, p. 145), some theorists argue that a shared media culture is as a result of globally transmitted programming, it leads to a global village based on the English language and western lifestyles and values. On the other hand , Appadurai (1990, 2001, p. 61) argues that when global homogenizing cultural forces come in contact with various different ideologies and traditions, there is bound to be a production of ‘heterogeneous dialogues’.– which are his famous ‘five scapes’. These five scapes in turn influence culture , not only global homegenizing culture by their uniformity and interactivity, but also through their differences, - their disjunctures. Hence, as some critics fear the harmonisation of culture, he critics that it is totally unjustifiable. (Appadurai, 2001, p. 184). As Bhabha points out we have entered an anxious age of identity, in which the attempt to memorialize lost time, and to reclaim lost territories, creates a culture of disparate ‘interest groups, or social movements. (Hall and Gay, 1996, p. 59)

Conclusion: The analysis of this particular episode has not only highlighted the role of identity in the modern era, but also has touched upon certain issues that are a product of Globalization. There are various experiences that one has to acknowledge or go through in order to answer the question of ‘Who Am I?’. Genealogy as an area of study, not only helps us to find where we came from, but also, that how we represent ourselves and what effects it can bear on our future. In Gurinder’s case, it is evident that she relates to the issue of Identity crisis a lot, as this theme is quite prevalent in her films as well. She has been a voice for all those second/third generation Indians living in Britain, who possibly face the same crisis. Possibly through this show, she has managed to resolve this issue to a certain extent.
It is inevitable that Globalization has played a major role in making this show and the concept of genealogy an important area of study. Globalization not only leads to culture homogenization but also connects the world through the means of communications and technology. Hence, this programme gives a perfect platform to explore the themes of memory, identity and globalization, through a wonderful experience of reliving the past, bringing a meaning to the present and securing the future. Lastly, technology in its own way, has led media to spread its channels throughout the world, Adaptation of TV Formats is an example of this phenomenon. Amid all this, there are fears of hybridization do exist, which basically means that globalization leads to western culture ruling over the local and regional cultural traditions.

References: withheld for this post.

Copyright: Zenith Sahai. (This essay was a part of me MSc degree at Brunel University in the year 2011-2012)

Kate Middleton Gives Birth To Baby Boy 8.6 lbs at 4pm in london

2013-07-23T02:22:00.001+05:30

Aamir ‘The Trend-setter’ Khan

2012-10-10T14:37:00.000+05:30

By Zenith Sahai (Originally published on http://fullyfilmy.com/2010/09/08/aamir-the-trend-setter-khan/)

People don’t call him a Perfectionist just for nothing. Charismatic and Intelligence are his virtues. By now, you must have guessed the name. Yes, it’s none other than Aamir Khan. We all know how hard working and dedicated Aamir is towards his work – someone who isn’t lured by the numbers (read number of films) but by the quality of work, truly. But it’s not just his acting capabilities that speak alone, but also his experimental nature that he instills in each of his character. Over the years the looks that he has donned in each of these films have managed to create quite a rage and have attracted both the masses and the critics. Here we browse through his over two decade of career span.

Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak (1988) – Raj – Aamir Khan hit the right chord with his boy next door image in QSQT. The film was a hit and a star was born. And from here, started the journey was a new lover boy in town.

Dil Ha Ki Manta Nahi (1991) – If you grew up in the 90s, you cannot possibly forget this one. With his earlier hit QSQT, Aamir had created his own space as a romantic hero. The highlight of his look in the film was the Dev Anand style cap and a jacket that he wore in the film.

Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar (1992) – Based on a sporting rivalry between two schools, the film saw Aamir playing a young, fun loving, ambitious teenager who dreams about becoming rich and famous. Once again, Aamir played this character with utmost dedication which came across on screen too. And yes, he looked as cool as ever, with the school uniform as well.

Rangeela (1995) – From a lover boy to playing a ‘tapori’, who would have guessed! But Aamir showed that he not only could act like one, but always with his style and body language add that extra touch to his character Munna in Rangeela. Multi coloured shirts with an unkempt hairdo and a handkerchief around his neck, Aamir did pure justice to his role.

Ghulam (1998) – Siddharth Marathe – By now, his critics had started fearing if Aamir would stereotype himself doing just romantic hero roles. But the actor proved his critics wrong and surprised his fans by pulling off this action oriented film where he was seen doing some really nerve wrecking action stunts on his own.

Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001) – a film that showcased in India on the map of Oscars. Lagaan showcased a side of Aamir that one had never seen before – that of a young rebellious village, fighting for the right of his villagers. He was seen in a rather rustic look with dhoti and waist coat like cotton attire – pretty much through the film. A drastic change of image, especially since his fans loved his smartened up look in DCH. But nonetheless, this one too, won our hearts, for sure.[ad#bidvertiser - square]

Dil Chahta Hai (2001) – I don’t know about you guys but the moment I saw the cool Akash Malhotra – Aamir Khan’s character in Dil Chahta Hai – I was left drooling. An avatar of Aamir that his fans that never seen before – a cute goatee, spiked hair and flashy clothes – the actor carried it off to perfection. And also set another trend! DCH managed to show a side of Aamir that has engraved in our minds and hearts, forever. And of course, his progression from that of a rebellious college guy to a mature adult was an exception in itself.

The Rising: Ballad of Mangal Pandey (2005) – After creating a niche with DCH in 2001, Aamir made a disappearing act from the silver screen for nearly four years. Amidst a lot of speculations and false stories, a history of sorts was being created. As the legendary tale goes, when Aamir was offered to play to role of a historical figure Mangal Pandey, he knew he had certain standards to meet and that there was a certain look that he had to adapt. A trademark beard and long hair – quite contrary to his usual appearance. But, being Aamir Khan, he took up the challenge. It took him some time to grown beard and hair, instead of just opting to go for false beard and hair. And hence, the disappearing act. Though the film didn’t fare well at ticket windows, Aamir’s look became a style statement.

Rang De Basanti (2006) – The film based on the backdrop of youth liberation and revolution demanded Aamir to play a college graduate who is free will and at the same time fiery. The film was a huge success and Aamir garnered headlines for essaying a role much younger to his actual age with same freshness.

Ghajini (2008) – A lot of has been written as spoken about Aamir’s chiselled six pac look in Ghajini. Why not? He deserves every bit of it. At 40, Aamir did manage to bring out a fresh new look, that many of us would not have ever imagined. To match the look, he went one step ahead and shaved his head and once again, created a trend. His fans, the ‘aam’ junta couldn’t resist trying out the new hip bald look. After all, who knew, shaving your head off, would be considered so cool? But, thanks to Aamir, who nailed it once again.

3 Idiots (2009) – And if one thought, that Ghajini was the only extreme Aamir could go to, then I guess, h

e proved everyone of us wrong. Playing a character 20 years younger to him, was a challenge in itself. But Aamir pulled it off exceptionally well in 3 Idiots with his role as Rancho. An adorable idiot, we think!

“Film making is like fighting a war with leadership at the front” – says Aamir and yes it truly exemplifies in his each of his films. So even though his just around 30 films or so, when compared to his counterparts some of whom have reached 100, Aamir had something to say through every character he played on screen. And how many Bollywood actors can pull that off? Our guess is as good as yours!

No Vacancy for Villains

2012-10-10T13:56:00.000+05:30

By Zenith Sahai (Originally Published on http://fullyfilmy.com/2010/08/03/vacancy-villains/ )

In the last few years, Hindi film industry, popularly known as Bollywood is busy trying out new and experimental approach towards the art of film making. Young budding talent in the form of directors, actors, producers are busy pumping in their adrenaline rush, to making realistic, young and experimental cinema. (Read: Dev D, Parzania, Being Cyrus, Love Sex Aur Dhokha, so on and so forth). But, in the wake of all this, and without sounding like a critic, there is something that has been bothering me, specially. There is something that is missing, I realize that and Yet I go and spend 350 bucks on a movie. Flashback to the 90’s, I grew up in, I remember getting goose bumps every time Amrish Puri came on screen and uttered the words ‘Mogambo Khush Hua’. There was nothing earth shaking about those three words, but the way he said it, that made all the difference. After all, he was no ordinary guy! He was ‘The Villain’ of the film! And mind you, it made such an impact on my mind, that I still use these words, often when I am happy and mostly it’s subconsciously. I am sure, you guys would agree with that.

The Bad Men
Over the few, in the order to get into the rat race and then hoping to win it too, our macho Bollywood heroes seem to be following doctrine of ‘versatility’ too seriously, whether it is because of the demand of the script or something else, that they would know better. Gone are the days when a script demanded a prominent villain in the film. I think more than the script, it was due to the audiences demand that filmmakers thought of placing a villain in the film. Veteran actors such as Praan, Prem Chopra, Jeevan, Kulbhushan Kharbanda, Kadar Khan, Anupam Kher etc, were famous for their notorious lines that often became the punch lines in real life too. I am pretty sure, even if today, the line ‘Kitne Aaadmi the’ played, regardless of what age you are of, you would be able to recognize the man who utterly these notorious words. It was Amjad Khan from Sholay. Sholay was his debut film as a villain and till today, this filmy villain is considered a national craze. His character as Gabbar Singh is engraved in our hearts forever. Also if you've seen Bobby, I am sure you will never be able to get over Prem Chopra and his very famous line “Prem naam hai mera, Prem Chopra”! The importance of having a strong negative character, solely dedicated to do wrong deeds in the films, continued till the late 80s.

The Change
In the 90’s, one actor who started the trend of playing a negative role as a protagonist was Shah Rukh Khan. From playing a mean, bad guy in Baazigar to essaying the role of a jilted lover in Darr, it was Shah Rukh Khan who started this new trend and convinced everyone that villains can be the soul of the film too, they just were not meant to undrape the long saree of the heroine or act as shrewd rapists with those bloodshot eyes. Shah Rukh managed to shock the audience with his role in the film Anjaam as well, where he played the role of an obsessive lover opposite to Madhuri Dixit. SRK played this role with such convincing power that it landed him with the Filmfare trophy for Best Villain.

However, post 90s, no lead actor came closer to portraying a negative lead role so convincingly than Shah Rukh himself. But the one who did try his hand at portraying the negative shade was Sanjay Dutt. His remarkable performance as Ballu, a notorious criminal who gets trapped in the love of Ganga played by Madhuri Dixit, remains a memorable one till date. In late 2000, this growing industry saw actors like Ajay Devgn, John Abraham, Akshaye Khanna, Suniel Shetty trying their hands at negative roles and Films like Humraaz, Main Hoon Na, Race and Naqaab, saw the lead actors in the shades of negativity.

As Time Moves On
Today, there has been a huge transformation in the role of Villians. In other words, the fine line between a hero and a villain has been blurred. These days we see heroes playing more of grey shade characters than actually playing a villain. The angry young man that portrayed the mean and evil side in the films seems to have mellowed down and the legacy of legendary on-screen villains has made a disappearing act. As it is popularly observed, a villain eventually dies in the film, but he does it by making the hero win. And I guess, in this case, the hero won, but the villain died forever.

It wasn’t just a telephonic interview...

2011-12-06T01:44:00.001+05:30

There is an old adage that ‘you only realise the important of something, when it’s gone’. As the world mourns the death of legendary Hindi cinema actor Dev Anand, I sit down to right this, with his words echoing in my ears. Yes, I got a lifetime opportunity to interact with this iconic figure. But it is now that I truly understand the legacy he left behind, not only in terms of his work but also through his magnificent personality, that has left an indelible mark on the lives of us, cinema lovers.

It was sometime during May last year, when I was asked to do a story on Bollywood celebrities who were or have been declared dead by the news breakers. Dev Saab, as his friends and colleagues call him, was the recent victim. As I started to dial the digits on my phone, I could feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach and all I could think of was ‘He is my dad’s hero and It would be great telling my dad that I spoke to your favourite star’. Nothing more. Nothing Less. It was partly because I had seen very few films of his films (yes i know. You could curse me for this) Whatever little I knew of him as a star, as a person was through the articles published on him in newspapers and magazines. Also, my grandfather and dad, often discussed his films.

The phone was picked up by one of his staff members, I assumed, wondering if he would be generous enough to let me talk to the man himself. After holding on for about 2-3 minutes, Dev sir came on the line and I went into the state of nervousness and awe. "I AM ON THE PHONE TO THE DEV ANAND". I must have repeated this line almost ten times in my head. Then, we exchanged greetings and I went on to ask him the question, and based on his answer I had to write a story.

“Sir, as you might be aware, some t.v news channels reported the news of your sudden demise, what was your intial reaction to it?”

“Well, it is good news that at least the world is remembering me this way,” he answered nonchalantly.

On hearing this, I had a huge smile on my face and immediately the phrases such as 'Dev Anand is Immortal' et al started making sense to me. I was spellbound. He answered the question in such a nonchalant way with such sincerity and love. It was almost as if he was imparting the feelings of hope and honesty onto me. This is the stuff that legends are made of.

I may have not know intricate details about Dev sir’s life, but all I can say is, without meeting me or knowing me on a personal level, this legendary figure happened to instil a ray of hope and positivity inside me too! And for that reason, this will remain one of my most cherished two minute conversations.

Dev Anand (1923- 2011)

Such was his charm. Such was his aura.
May your soul Rest in Peace, Dev Saab.

Image courtesy: http://www.bollykings.com/wp-content/uploads//2011/02/dev_anand-03.jpg

To London and Back!

2011-11-23T18:26:00.001+05:30

Yes, the London stint is over, sadly. and I am back to my own country. Feels good.

I remember I was in two minds whether I should move abroad or stay back into the same old routine life. The feeling that you get in your stomach before you are to make a big decision was on its high and I was nervous to the core. My first International flight. My first move into an International University. Coupled with these thoughts was the fear of living with my family, especially my mother. But It had to be done. And I did it.

Now, as a I sit down to write this blog with a free mind (even as I can hear my mom arguing with some furniture vendor), I feel relaxed. I feel at home. I feel that there can not be a better place than your own home to make you feel at ease, even as you are shit scared about what future holds for you. (see also: my joblessness)

Moving to London was a decision I made and I do not regret. So when people asking me, 'why did you even wanna go if you wanted to come back', I just have one answer for them. 'It was a choice that had to be made - for good.' :) For someone who hasn't lived away from family ever, moving thousand miles away and managing to live without the constant support of my parents was tough but fun. (though virtually and mentally they were always with me lol)

The fact that it took me 12 whole months to finally get down to penning down my experiences in the last one year is proof enough to explain how mentally occupied I was during that time. I had completely lost my multi-tasking skills and had a major writer's block too. The only books I read and the only writings I penned were study related, on subjects of Media, Communications and Sociology. :/ I missed reading novels, i missed reading fiction. No wonder when I entered home , I gave a good look to my personal book collection, taking it all in. :)

To be continued...

Weapon of destruction NO. 1 ;)

2011-08-21T02:45:00.003+05:30

*Smile is his best weapon; and that makes me say 'damn, you nearly killed me with it* :D

ps; yes, it's all sexed up too! :)

A quick 'state of mind' update

2011-08-18T23:18:00.001+05:30

In this mad, chaotic world, "you" seem to be the one, who can keep me sane!
- Me

Ps; I hope "he" never finds out, I was referring to him! Will spoil the fun,no?! :)

Raaste

2011-08-02T04:29:00.002+05:30

Zindagi ke panno pe kuch aise khwabh likhey they humne,
Na woh khwabh poore hue , na tum mere hue,
Ik nayi rah banayi tumne, mere saath chorh dene ki kasam khaayi tumne,
Us rah se guzarne ka koi mauka na denge khud ko,
kyunki dard se phir waaqiv hona gawara nahi humein.

[Note to self: This is my first ever attempt at writing something in Hindi :|]

Moving on

2011-05-04T03:11:00.001+05:30

"Move on!" - It’s probably the shittiest piece of advice anyone can give you, especially when you don’t need it. But, I would be kidding myself if I don’t say that it’s the only possible long term solution/ option you have to implement it in your life, unless you choose the second best option – to suffer for the rest of your life.
They both knew that eventually they would have to live their lives separately, without each other, but there was something that they both were caught up in.

Denial – a Freudian concept. It’s better not to dwell on the psychological aspect of it. In simple terms, it’s a condition where one refuses to acknowledge the very obvious. They both were in love with each other, but they both denied this fact. Choosing to live in the oblivion? how is that not supposed to lead to a bitter sweet end?

"Grow up,Grow up,Grow up,Grow up,Grow up,Grow up,LOSER." - She said.

ps; He ignored that too! What a pity!

Open Up

2010-09-19T22:38:00.002+05:30

The wounds that left forever marks,
a smile that has been crooked forever,
Open them up for once, as I would heal them with my love.

The thousands unexplained words buried under your chest,
the unexpressed sorrows waiting to be dabbed by happiness and joy,
Open yourself up, so I would show you the power of my love.

Release the past from the clutches of your present,
live in the moments as they come to you with purity,
Open up to the possibilities for the future,
as I want to see you living it with me.

Nothing lasts forever

2010-08-31T16:02:00.003+05:30

He looked at her and she knew he was going to say good-bye to her, forever this time. He consoled her with clichéd words – ‘I will see you soon’, but she knew that he wasn't implying anything even close to what he just said. She knew, the truth usually is contrasting, from what our eyes usually tend to see. She knew - Nothing lasts forever.
She let go off- the pain, triggered by his un-kept promises – this pain came in the form of a gift, that she would never be able to wrap again, crimpled love letters that will now find their way in the waste bin. She wondered whether everything that happened was a indeed meant to go to waste.

Trying hard to forget a face that stays in front of you, with you, all the time, wasn’t going to be easy. His eyes that spoke volumes, would haunt her, paralyze her - to weave those sweet dreams ever again. Yes, she knows, nothing lasts forever.

For he is now gone, gone with the wind.

Should I?

2010-06-16T00:25:00.003+05:30

People often throw clichés at you and you often wonder how much of it can actually be applied in real life. One of them that I can very well relate to is 'The road to success is paved with difficulties'.

Dad is the perfect example of this. A man, who stood like a rock in front of every difficulty that he faced, he is someone who has inspired me to never give up, never say never to anything. The times he forced me to travel in the local trains on my own just when I was 12, (how I hated him for that), the times he asked me to manage my college admissions on my own, and the times he pushed me to do things, that I could have never fathomed doing on my own. Every father does that, I am sure, for their child. But this man, is truly a hero, because the countless troubles he has faced, have taught him about living life, the hardest way. But he always made sure his children never suffered.

Mom, too, has been through a lot of difficult times in her life. The everyday fights with her husband, her illness and her struggle to adapt to a lifestyle of housewife, and give up her job, are some of the major factors that turned her into a strong woman. It's never easy to see your man with another woman, but she did it because she knew how she wanted the family to stay together. You could call it a cowardly act, you could call it a disgrace. Her will power helped her survive those months when she was bedridden and doctors had almost given up all hopes.

Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be able to match up to these two strong individuals.

I've always wanted to live on my own - shoulder responsibilities without their help, I have mentioned this earlier as well, ever since I've had the ability to think, right since the time, I got into my senses, I have always wanted to live on my own. the decision to move away from this country, for a while, was taken partly because I am fed up of the same faces, same place. [warning: i get bored to easily anyway)
the last few days have been really tough. Trying hard to save money, getting all the paper work done, hearing bad news about loan rejections a number of times, not having enough funds as show money, all that and more. So much so that I'm starting to lose hope. Should I just stop trying and surrender?
And at times, like these, I question God, about his plans for me, especially.

But these two people have managed to keep me sane. Its true that your parents always wish the best for you, and yes, their prayers to get listened to.

"Losing all hope was Freedom." - Fight Club

Here I go again

2010-04-26T11:06:00.003+05:30

She saw them walking hand in hand, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. She cringed. Occasionally, they indulged in public display of affection. That made her furious. She turned her face away. She felt lonely, she felt wanted. Most importantly, she missed being somebody’s girl.
Well, that probably sums up the state of a mind a girl who waits to be a special part of that special someone. In her mind, she is best being single, but in her heart she is dying to be loved.
Her silent tears are the proof. Her broken smile speaks for itself. The loneliness of her arms can be best judged when she puts her hand on her face to just hide away from the world.
That's what seclusion does to her. It makes her immune, it makes her insecure. She is someone who doesn’t remember when was the last time she truly smiled.

People often tell me that I only write about the sad parts of my life. Trust me, I hate it too. But, the truth is, I have forgotten how it feels to be loved. Without a doubt, I am surrounded by the love of best parents in the world, the best sister anyone could ask for, a typical younger brother whom I adore to death and a decent job (If that counts). In spite of all that, I miss that one person in my life, who would complete my world. Because sometimes, Love is all you need. Love is all you want.

Am I wrong? No
Have I turned into a depressed freak? No
Am I too desperate to get into a relationship? No
Oh, But I'm a die hard romantic, and that makes it even more difficult! lol :D

Yes, maybe next time, I’ll come up with a happier read.

“Are we really going to find each other soon?” – She wondered.

Random Venting.

2010-04-04T20:02:00.002+05:30

It’s been long since someone made me wait, or I waited for someone
It’s been long since someone wrapped me in his arms or I hugged him tight.
It’s been long since I felt that I am wanted or someone wants me really badly.
It’s been long I sent someone an ‘I love you’ text and got one back.
It’s been long that I called up someone and we spoke for hours from sunrise to sunset.
It’s been long that I got angry with someone and he wooed me in return
And I reckon, It’s been forever that I fell in love with someone and he loved me back.

"I am losing my mind. Come, find me a cure," Said She.

Chasing...

2010-03-17T18:00:00.001+05:30

Chasing...

A faraway dream, a path less travelled,
A prince charming, the love unraveled.
A goal uncertain, a sudden backfire,
A face unknown, a voice desired.

Chaos!

2010-02-13T16:25:00.004+05:30

Ever wondered what is it like, when the situation around you is full of chaos but somehow you don’t seem to realize it!
Your mind is fully loaded with chaos of human emotions, the burden of relationships and questions – millions of questions, answers for which you’ll never get. Even if you do get the answers, you won’t be satisfied with them. It’s called the recipe for a perfect emotional imbalance.
The more I try to run away from it, the more it haunts me. Haunts me to the core. Haunts to the point of no return. So much so, that lately, I have become prone to this state of distress. I try crying, in an effort to remove my emotional stress, but the shame of my tears, that refuses to pour down my eyes is annoying in itself.
It’s funny, how people have the sinful power to hurt you with words and actions. Ignorance does not seem like a bliss to me. It leads to the state of confusion and from there on, follows some more confusion.

That apparently is my state of mind. :)

Tell Me...

2010-02-10T02:04:00.003+05:30

For moments that I lived, for moments that I loved,
It was you who showed me the way, to make it through, to endure it all.
If it’s love, then I am ready to give you my everything,
If it’s worth worshipping, then I am ready to cry a thousand rivers.
Just tell me you will be there, when I look back and turn to see you.
Tell me that you would hold my hand, when things will drift away from us!

If I told you...

2010-01-11T00:22:00.000+05:30

If I told you I love you, Will you promise that you’ll never leave me alone?
If I told you that I love the way you smile, Will you promise me that you’ll smile for me every single day?
If I told you that I love the way you look at me, Will you promise me that you’ll never set your eyes off me?
If I asked you to hold my hand, will you promise that you’ll to never let go of it?
If I told you, you are the only one, Will you whisper the same in my ears too?
And, now that I have told you enough already, Will you atleast tell me that you love me too?

P.S; O my diary, I love you! :)

Dated Forever!

2010-01-06T00:11:00.001+05:30

It’s funny and ironic, how some people just enter our lives, without a prior notice.
By the time, you get time to sit and wonder and question about their existence in your life, chances are that they already have taken over you – in a special way. A way from where there is no looking back. A sort of way that is helping you smile each day. A certain kind of warmth that only you can feel .

Soon, you realize that this person holds a special place in your life, in your mind, in your heart. A magical thing that’s indefinable really. But, it’s wrapped with a number of other feelings. Insecurity, Jealousy and all those other dim-witted little evils.

You think I’m special? She said. You’re Everything. Said He.

P.S; It’s clichéd but it’s true. :)

Lost and NOT Found!

2009-11-29T18:00:00.001+05:30

There’s never a perfect equilibrium between things we lose and things we get in return of that loss. For Instance, Losing your favourite pair of socks will never really hit you hard until the day, you would want to wear them again but you just can’t find them. You cringe. You get irritated. But nothing helps. It’s the moment when you desperately wanted them on your feet. I know it’s a stupid example. But in my case, it seems so right. No, I’m not hallucinating!

Now replace the socks with your heart [Not the best of things to do, but never mind, both are equally fragile]. When we lose your heart to someone, most of us don’t know what to do, what to expect in return. [The usual clichés] and the only thing you get in return is heartache, by default that is!

I could die in your arms right now. She said. But, all that she got in return was perpetual silence.

Lyrics!

2009-11-23T00:33:00.004+05:30

Chaahe Jo Tumhe Poore Dil Se,
Milta Hai Woh Mushkil Se.
Aisa Jo Koi Kahin Hai,
Bas Wohi Sabse Haseen Hai.
Us Haath Ko Tum Thaam Lo,
Woh Meherbaan Kal Ho Na Ho.
Har Pal Yahan...
Jee Bhar Jiyo Jo Hai Sama
Kal Ho Na Ho...

- Kal Ho Na Ho

------------------------------------------

And I don't want the world to see me..
Cause I don´t think that they´d understand.
When everything´s made to be broken..
I just want you to know who I am.

- Iris [Goo Goo Dolls]

It's You, I guess!

2009-11-22T20:14:00.001+05:30

I’m lost, I can’t find my way.
I need you now, I need you every day.
Your thoughts throw a chill down the spine, you absence make me cringe.
Your love makes me smile, you hatred makes me want to stab you in the heart.
Your words whisper in my ear like a soft breeze… my soul wrenches when you say nothing at all…
The nearness of you… makes me go weak in the knees… the distance between us… makes me want to cry silent tears when I am alone…

If at all there’s a way out, will you please let me know?

p.s; It’s depressing, I know! :|

Reverie

2009-11-18T01:03:00.001+05:30

Caught up in a reverie, and everything looks so beautiful.
I feel partially disillusioned, partially starry-eyed.
He brought a smile to my face, but left me in tears.
My head has been in the clouds all this while.

Why is so difficult to come to terms with reality?

"Am I the only one screaming for that morphine pill? Consume Me". - She Said.
"Soon" - Said He.