Infjs Forums - Relationships and Sociology http://forums.infjs.com/ Friendships, dating/marriage, and other interactions, and ideas about society en Tue, 28 Sep 2010 03:24:40 GMT vBulletin 60 http://forums.infjs.com/images/misc/rss.jpg Infjs Forums - Relationships and Sociology http://forums.infjs.com/ Unusual expressions of love? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13111&goto=newpost Mon, 27 Sep 2010 15:49:41 GMT According to this guy (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/), expressions of love fit into one of the following... According to this guy, expressions of love fit into one of the following 5 categories:

Quote:
Words of Affirmation

Actions don�t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, �I love you,� are important�hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, �I love you,� like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there�with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby�makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don�t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous�so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an �Acts of Service� person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: �Let me do that for you.� Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don�t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn�t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face�they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I'm curious about people who love but don't express themselves in these ways. Have you experienced or can you think of other ways to show that you love someone? It is really necessary to have a love language?

I think sometimes not expressing love at all, in a unrequited situation for example, is another kind of expression. ]]> Relationships and Sociology kita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13111 The deal-breaker http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13094&goto=newpost Sun, 26 Sep 2010 13:31:44 GMT What were the deal-breaker situations and qualities in person, when it comes to your romantic relationships? What are those things that you just... What were the deal-breaker situations and qualities in person, when it comes to your romantic relationships? What are those things that you just can't compromise about.

If you want to expand a bit you could also tell about the deal-breaker in other relationships that you've had, friendships and work related one. ]]> Relationships and Sociology Siamese cat http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13094 How is this not incredibly screwed up? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13093&goto=newpost Sun, 26 Sep 2010 10:15:38 GMT I'm...well, honestly, probably a bit in shock at the moment. I figure that 'Hey, a bunch of INFJ's...there really aren't many people who are better to tell me if I'm being unwise or feeling wronged and being silly.'

The situation is pretty simple. My boyfriend for the last year and I have just ended our relationship. A year ago he moved in with me. He and his wife (a male to female transexual. My boyfriend is a female to male transexual. Honestly, it doesn't play into this much) had been having incredible communications problems. He is an INFJ and his wife is an INTJ. No surprise there.

They'd been married roughly four years and their relationship had slowly degraded to the point of near total non-communication. Salem moved in with me (A move from Florida to Wisconsin) and I advocated heavily for them to stay together and try to work through their differences. His wife stayed there. Literally every person in his life besides myself has at one time or another during the last year told him to end his marriage.

His wife, Christine, is sweet and likable and almost totally logical.

Two weeks ago Salem was considering a divorce. They'd had a visit planned for Christine to come up and visit us for some months and see what life up here was like but she wouldn't give a timeframe for potentially moving up to join Salem and had indicated a total dislike of the weather and environment. Still, despite these plans their relationship continued to degrade.

I still fought tooth and nail for them to keep it as long as they could because I believed Bunny had something important to contribute to Salem's life and if given enough time, I felt sure they could come to some kind of terms that made sense. I'm a polyamorous person and that's pretty much how I operate. I do whatever I can for my mate.

So, Christine comes up to visit.

During this week, I have pneumonia. Pretty nasty. Still, Salem's affection for me dries up entirely. He starts behaving like he can't wait for hugs to end and he won't meet my eyes.

Today he announces that he's going to be living with Christine as soon as she moves up here and wants to do a 'dual household' arrangement...except I would of course have to get another room-mate, re-arrange my finances entirely, take him off my insurance, and re-negotiate our lease. He wants to be able to 'spend time' with me and live with his wife. Yes, the same wife he was about to divorce two weeks ago. Same wife who put him 1100 dollars in debt and who is herself 16k in debt because she spends money like water.

His reason is conversations they had while Christine was here that somehow changed his outlook 180 degrees. Christine, it should be noted, is a world class people pleaser. She likes to be liked a little more than is healthy. They met in a cult. I wish I were kidding.

I'm trying mentally to work through this but pretty much all I can feel right now is anger. I feel deeply betrayed and I'm still kind of unsure how to respond except more anger and I am not an angry person generally. Anger is not a common emotion for me. I'm not even sure if I'm doing it correctly or if this is a situation that warrants it. ]]> Relationships and Sociology Chessie http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13093 Friendship through difference? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13092&goto=newpost Sun, 26 Sep 2010 07:51:51 GMT I met a friend, and we have started to become quite close. His company can be enjoyable, but he's way of thinking is so different then mines. He is very conservative, a bit homophobic and very intelligent. He can also be very emotionally detached and his sense of humor is very dark. He ended up being what I have types him, an ISTJ.

Our personalities, ideals and ways of thinking are almost exactly opposite of each other yet we have been able to become very good friends despite our differences. Could this be the ''opposites attract'' version of friendship?

So the question is, Do you ever find yourself befriending those who have opposite characteristics of what you posses. If so how close are said friendships and do they usually last long? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Raccoon Love http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13092 what i am looking for in partnership http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13078&goto=newpost Sat, 25 Sep 2010 18:53:57 GMT just trying to articulate this honestly to myself and to the universe: i am ambivalent about partnership. wanting a relationship and scared of a... just trying to articulate this honestly to myself and to the universe:

i am ambivalent about partnership. wanting a relationship and scared of a relationship.

i am seeking someone who is emotionally available. someone i feel romantic toward and who adores me too. someone where there is a mutual little giddy feeling when we are around one another. and yet where sex doesn't need to be the center of things, or the only expression of that delight.

i am looking for someone who i could feel secure with. who wouldn't easily abandon their love for me.

i am seeking someone who is comfortable with solitude. mine and their own. someone who has a range of emotions and who tries to own them all responsibly, and negotiate them fairly.

i am seeking someone who ultimately has a gentleness and kind humor toward both of our faults and failings.

i would like to feel equal to this person. to hear one another's perspective with respect, even if there is disagreement. i would like to be one another's special clubhouse of two. occasionally one another's cheerleader and caring nag. one another's cherished lover. one another's partner in life and crime. ]]> Relationships and Sociology beetpoet http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13078 <![CDATA[Do you think of yourself as "special"?]]> http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13070&goto=newpost Sat, 25 Sep 2010 01:06:18 GMT Do you think of yourself as "special"? Why or why not? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Anita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13070 Problem with an ISTP friend http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13067&goto=newpost Fri, 24 Sep 2010 23:52:46 GMT Hello! I came across this forum earlier while looking for some advice on what to do with a situation that is giving me a great deal of concern about... Hello! I came across this forum earlier while looking for some advice on what to do with a situation that is giving me a great deal of concern about my best friend, an ISTP woman who is 20 years old. I'm an ENFP woman who is 22. My ex-boyfriend got me interested in typology a few years back, but another friend's boyfriend has really gotten me to delve into it even deeper over the past few months. Anyway, over the past year I've seen my ISTP best friend turn into someone I barely recognize. This post may be long so my apologies and thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it through and respond! Here is some background info: Although she is 2 years younger than me, we were in the same grade because she skipped a couple grades in early elementary. We've been friends since middle school. When she was 14, she started dating a boy we went to school with. They dated until they were both 17. Not even 2 months later, she met another guy at work. They started dating the month after that. He was 22 at the time and had a 2 year old daughter with an ex-girlfriend. They dated until the beginning of last summer when she began missing her ex. They started hanging out again secretly, and she eventually broke up with the second boyfriend and went immediately back to the first at the end of last summer. They were happy for quite a few months, but she did struggle with missing the ex she had just broken up with for a couple weeks. Around March of this year, she met another guy at work (the ex with the child no longer works at her place of employment. In fact, he finished college and had a different job while they were still dating.). She had a bit of a crush on this new guy and started sneaking around to hang out with him just as she had done with her first ex boyfriend the previous summer. By the end of April, she had broken up with the first boyfriend for the second time. The new guy wanted to be exclusive right away, but she told him while she wanted to be with him, she didn't want to be tied down so soon after getting out of 2 major relationships. One day out of the blue, a guy we graduated with, one she had never even talked to, IM'ed her on Facebook. She chatted with him for a bit, and he ended up asking her out. She told me she had no real interest in him, but she went anyway and ended up making out with him. Then a couple weeks after that, yet another guy from work told her he had an interest. She went to his house, got drunk, and proceeded to make out and play strip poker with him. In the meantime, she went out once or twice with a friend's roommate, a guy she had a crush on for awhile. Right after that, she decided to tell the guy from work she had originally started seeing a few months earlier that she was ready to be exclusive. They became a couple immediately. Eventually he became clingy and controlling in exactly the same way her ex with the child had been. This was about 2 months ago. A couple weeks after that, she ended up moving in with him and his family after her parents kicked her out. She's a hard-working girl, a pre-med student and a part-time job. However her parents have always pushed her extremely hard, and no matter what she's never been good enough. Hence the reason, so they claim, for kicking her out. Around the same time she moved in with boyfriend 3 a few months ago, a female friend/co-worker introduced her to her brother's friend who she was immediately attracted to. They've partied together a couple times and made out, but nothing else has happened yet that I know of. She's planning on asking her parents to move back in soon and break up with boyfriend 3. She says she's miserable. Here, however, is the most troubling part. About a month ago, she began hooking up with her manager. It's already against company policy since he's her boss. They could both lose their jobs if they were to get caught. Yet, they've even made out in his office. It gets worse, though. He's in is early 30s, at least 11 years older than she. He's also married with 2 young children. He works the midnight shift, so she goes to his house during the day while his wife is at work and his kids at school. She claims they just make out, do a little touching, and talk. They've not had intercourse she claims. She's sent him pictures of herself in lingerie. They only e-mail because he knows his wife would never get suspicious of that. She told me today when we finally talked about everything in detail, that, in her words, "I know it's wrong, but I just try to put it out of my head. I don't think about it." I asked her to forget about what other people might say or think in this moment. I said, "If you truly think and believe that what you're doing isn't good for you, yet you continue to do it anyway, isn't that self-destructive?" She didn't answer but quickly changed the subject. I am genuinely worried for my friend, and I'd appreciate any advice you have. I know ISTPs tend to live in the moment and hate feeling to constrained by rules, but causing harm to oneself and/or others is never a sign of any healthy personality type. Thanks again for reading my novel! ]]> Relationships and Sociology Gracebird88 http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13067 Not ready for something you want: How do you handle it? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13046&goto=newpost Wed, 22 Sep 2010 21:47:21 GMT *Not ready for something you want: How do you handle it?* I think i struggle with this the most is the feeling of wanting something badly but... Not ready for something you want: How do you handle it?


I think i struggle with this the most is the feeling of wanting something badly but knowing that it's not right for me, i'm not ready for it, or i'm not ready to handle it as much as i may think i am.

How do you handle this? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Anita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13046 How often do you question yourself or perceptions? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13032&goto=newpost Wed, 22 Sep 2010 04:21:04 GMT How often do you question yourself - what you know, observe or see?


How often do you think "is it just me?", "am i right," "am i seeing things clearly", "am i just seeing things"?


How often do you question and check your perceptions?


How often do you find that your initial perceptions of a person or situation are correct, but you doubt yourself and dismiss it? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Anita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13032 Do you ever confuse who you are with who you appear to be? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13014&goto=newpost Tue, 21 Sep 2010 01:56:38 GMT Do you ever confuse who you are with who you appear to be? Do you ever confuse who you are with who you appear to be? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Anita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13014 Attracted to people similar to you? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13011&goto=newpost Tue, 21 Sep 2010 00:29:41 GMT If you met someone of your preferred gender who was very much like you, would you probably be attracted to them? What types of similarities do you... If you met someone of your preferred gender who was very much like you, would you probably be attracted to them?

What types of similarities do you think make a relationship compatible? incompatible?
(Either for you, or in general, though I think in general it'll depend on the person.)

Are there definitely ways in which you would not want to be similar?

edit: This isn't referring to mbti type similarities, though such is relevant. ]]> Relationships and Sociology KazeCraven http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13011 How are you perceived because of age? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13004&goto=newpost Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:07:44 GMT How are you perceived or treated based on your age OR the age you seem to be? What are positive or negative assumptions people make about... How are you perceived or treated based on your age OR the age you seem to be?



What are positive or negative assumptions people make about you because of your age?



Do you ever wish you could be younger or older? Why? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Anita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13004 That smile, god dammit! http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13003&goto=newpost Mon, 20 Sep 2010 05:55:33 GMT So I just started junior college...and I've managed to beat depression...it no longer manifests itself in me...I'm like...bouncy and shit...and I talk too much now...and well...yeah! So...there's this girl that's in a few of my classes...cutest thing I've ever seen...Jesus Christ! She sits beside me in English class and when the loudmouth teacher stops talking...all I do is talk and she laughs at EVERYTHING I say...I don't know if that's a good thing or not...and she has this sexy accent...god...why would god put such a heavenly creature on this darned planet of ours? I'm a sucker for girls that are serene, happy with themselves and just kind, gentle people...this girl has it all! I dunno what to do...dunno what to do...I'd tell her but I'm a chickenshit...and well...if I get rejected...then yeah, wtf...or I could ask her to be my friend (which I'd really like) but I don't know how to make friends...I'm pretty anti-social...she's probably an INFP or something...damn I love INFPs...they're so cute and bubbly...hell, I don't know. She's definitely an F type though...I don't even know what I am O_o...what do I do...what do I do...if I don't do it...I might regret it...if I do...I'll regret it...this is such a hard decision to make...so, so hard. The fate of the world lies between my heart and my head...oh god...guys, wanna help me out here? Oh, I don't think about her 24/7...yeah, odd. Since I'm no longer depressed, I don't go into FUCKMYLIFEIMSOEMO mode. What do I do...oh. I'm 17. No clue how old she is. She's probably around the same. ]]> Relationships and Sociology Artinella http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=13003 Are you honest with yourself? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=12994&goto=newpost Mon, 20 Sep 2010 00:13:40 GMT Are you usually honest with yourself?


It is easy for you to do so? If yes why, if no, why not?


Do you think it's important to be honest with yourself?


Is honesty with self always a good thing? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Anita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=12994 What are some unique interests you rarely share with others? http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=12992&goto=newpost Sun, 19 Sep 2010 23:17:10 GMT What are some unique interests you rarely share with others? What are some unique interests you rarely share with others? ]]> Relationships and Sociology Anita http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=12992