Information Princess

Happy to be piled higher and deeper

2009-10-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

Yep, I did it. I jumped in with two feet, dragging my loving husband and children with me, and started back to grad school full-time, this time in pursuit of a PhD. I plan to start writing tidbits about experience here, so look out for the highs and lows coming at ya.

So far, I love it. I love having space to think the big thoughts. I love meeting amazing thinkers. I love being on campus. I love our home in student housing. But we took a major financial hit to do this, since I was previously the primary breadwinner. Being poor, poor, poor is painful after living sort of comfortably. The hopeful plan is for my hubby to get a full-time job. It's not working out so far, but we are hopeful. I worry I may be crossing the line between hopeful/faithful and foolish, but we're not there yet. In the meantime I'm taking joy in the wonderfulness of academia.

And after that last post, something more cheery...

2008-09-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

I can believe I left my personal blog for so long. And I can't believe I left it on such a dour note. Oh well. What a difference a year and some make, right? I'm starting my second year as a middle school librarian. Well, maybe not such a difference, as I notice most of the posts seem to be about me being stressed. I still sign up for way too much fun in my life. Including a second job teaching an occasional class at the university level. But I love being able to teach graduate students. It's such a lovely contrast from my daily clientele.

I'm done! And yet...

2007-05-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

I officially finished up my classes on March 15th. I have earned my Master's degree in Library and Information Science. I even got my Washington State Librarian Certificate in the mail.

The funny thing? I feel more stressed than ever!!

The stress comes from the job hunt. Or really the idea of the job hunt stresses me out. I've been able to cut myself some slack because I happily accepted a temporary assignment in the collection development department of my library system. It's a blast, but the job ends all too soon. It all comes down to knowing that I need to nab a job with a great income and benefits, yet feeling at sea on exactly which kind of LIS job I want to do.

In my heart of hearts, I really, really, really, really want to start a PhD program, researching children, teens, information behavior and/or librarian behavior. But we (my family and I) can't afford for me to not work full time right now. So, I need to work. But what to do? Stay in the public library world, which has been great for me? Move to a corporate or other special setting, which sound like fun? Finally utilize my teaching certificate and be a school librarian?

I'm sure it'll become clear for me soon. After I finish reading a manga.

Cinema Therapy for Graduate Students

2006-05-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

(This article orginally appeared online in the Silverfish Newsletter.)

My family has been practitioners of what is now called “cinematherapy” for many years. Long before Beverly West and Nancy Peske penned their charming books, we sought solace, strength, and encouragement from the movies. My parents tried and still do try to catch every movie that hits the local cinemas. Films were a shared experience that my family used to create memories and close bonds.

As an only child, I was privileged to attend most films with them, giving me a certain clout amongst my peers. The viewing of a particular film often became a marker of time by which we recalled family events. (“Remember when we saw that in the theaters? That was around the time …”) We discussed movies, as well as books, like other families might discuss politics or town gossip. Difficult times were tackled by recalling the struggle of a celluloid protagonist while laughter could be invoked by warmly retelling particular scenes. Troubles were often dispelled by a trip to the theater or by tuning into an afternoon movie on the television.

We were, of course, the first house on the block to get cable television. With the advent of videos and DVDs, my parents found their ideal collectible and started snatching up any enjoyable film. Today, my sensible husband looks around their home with hundreds of movies on shelves and mutters something about not enough time in the world. While I understand his point, I also know the comfort of having a particular movie at your fingertips. (No, they don’t trust video on demand technology yet.) Life is so unpredictable, how can you know which movie you will need to help you deal with it? And what if the video store doesn’t carry the one you need when you need it?

When I went off to college, my parents naturally supplied me with a TV and VCR and a small collection of my favorite films. My vigilant mother considered my viewing habits to be a gage of my mental health. If she called and I told her I was watching Notorious or Rear Window, my favorite Alfred Hitchcock movies, she would make sympathetic noises and ask why I had a tough day. If she caught me watching one of the original Star Wars trilogy, my mother became concerned and asked if there was anything I needed to talk about and what could she do to help. And if I confessed I was watching my favorite film, It’s a Wonderful Life, she started looking for her car keys and asking if I had any dangerous objects in my possession. To my mother, if I needed to watch a movie with the message “No man is a failure who has friends” then I must be near the edge of a collegiate breakdown.

Now I don’t catch as many movies between grad school, work, and two young kids. My husband and I wait for my parents to say a film is a must-see before forking over the funds to see something in the theaters. But we still keep a collection of movies at home for our family to enjoy. And when grad school or my other responsibilities are weighing on me a bit too heavily, I administer a shot of cinematherapy. It’s a lot more fun than most medicine.

Movies, like books, are a matter of mood and personal taste. But for what it’s worth, here are the movies I personally find most effective when treating the graduate student blues.

Funny Girl
Whenever I feel like the world tells me I can’t, I watch this movie to remind myself that I can. Barbara Streisand is at her utmost charming in this romanticized, musical version of the life of Vaudeville comedienne Fanny Brice. The daughter of a Jewish saloon owner on the Lower East Side, Fanny was determined to become a star despite her background and lackluster looks. She earned success in the Ziegfeld Follies on her own terms while loving the charming gambler Nick Arnstein. The songs “I’m the Greatest Star” and “Don’t Rain on My Parade” often buzz through my head when I need a boost in personal determination.

Legally Blonde
Being an intellectual does not require one to abandon their sunny outlook, sweet nature, or fashion sense. Yes, I know, it is improbable for a Cali-girl fashion major to suddenly decide to go to Harvard Law School (to follow a boy), then go to the head of the class, discovering her own strength and purpose along the way. But it is not impossible! I confess to identifying with the heroine Elle despite being brunette and avoiding sororities. I’ve always loved the thrill of intellectual pursuits but was rebuffed in my younger years as not being serious enough. Now that I’m an oh-so-mature 30-something (not), this movie reminds me that I can be true to my personality and succeed at the same time. The film’s soundtrack is particularly wonderful when I need a dose of grrrl power.

North by Northwest
With all the things I’m trying to accomplish, it can feel like I’m part of a demented marathon, desperate to keep myself just ahead of being overtaken. For a fresh perspective, it’s nice to watch someone else do the desperate run. At least no one’s trying to kill me (yet). In this Hitchcock masterpiece, Cary Grant portrays a middle-aged ad exec mistaken for a government agent by a ring of spies. On the run for his life, he flees across America and gets assistance from a mysterious blonde (Eva Marie Saint). This is the film with that famous man versus crop plane chase and the literal cliff-hanger at Mt. Rushmore. Witty dialogue, great music, and thrilling action make this a refreshing film for those overwhelming days. And I could watch Cary Grant do just about anything and it would be delightful.

The Girl Most Likely To …
This is the movie to pop in when every person around you seems to exist for the soul purpose of ticking you off. Stockard Channing plays a brilliant but unattractive coed who often becomes the victim of cruelty. A car crash puts her in the hospital from which she emerges slim and beautiful. She then proceeds to mastermind the deaths of her former persecutors utilizing knowledge gained throughout her college career. Written by Joan Rivers and co-starring Ed Asner as the detective hot on the trail, this dark comedy is great for times of frustration.

Ocean’s 11
This is my escape-from-reality film. Yes, there is a plot. Something about a heist, I think. All the eye candy is what I remember most about this movie. The cinematography just makes everything so pretty! George Clooney rounds up a team of expert burglars including Brad Pitt and Matt Damon to exact revenge on Andy Garcia and reclaim his wife, played by Julia Roberts. Yeah, the characters have names, but who cares? Gorgeous actors, fabulous clothes, lovely settings, and a smooth soundtrack make for a lovely retreat from daily life. Although the cinematography in the sequel, Ocean’s 12 , is more chaotic, it is equally entertaining with an amusing plot and the addition of the glamorous Catherine Zeta-Jones. Because the actors seem to be having a good time themselves you can’t help but join them.

What movies do you turn to when it is all much to much?

New Year's Re-resolution

2006-01-19T14:13:00.000-08:00

So, I'm now past my halfway point of earning the illustrious Master's of Library and Information Science. I hit "information overload" or mid-point burn out sometime last summer and continuing through the autumn. At first, I just thought I was lame, until it dawned on me to check with other students. It appears everyone hits a serious funk around the halfway mark. The adreniline of starting the program has worn off, but the enticement of graduation isn't close enough to motivate.

Also, I was of course, doing toooooooooo much. No surprise, if you know me. Classes in the summer was not a bright idea. Even though one of the courses was great, I needed a break. Then there was the fact both my sons started new schools this year (preschool and elementary). I hadn't realized how many parent orientations and school events there would be. And I couldn't not participate in the Parent Association. Then there were activities around welcoming the new distance MLIS students I felt I had to help with as their student representative.

So, in light of all that, here's my resolutions:

To not sign up for every activity that attracts my interest.
To blog here at least once a week, including short commentaries about being a grad student, librarian, and mom.
To try to enjoy it all more!

Well, dear reader, we shall see how I do!

Love, Lust, and Lit: Romance in Teen Novels

2005-02-07T01:06:00.000-08:00

This is actually an editorial I wrote for a student publication. I liked it enough, I decided to post it here as well. Thanks to my editor for the fine-tuning. Enjoy!

I remember clearly my first encounter with a copy of Cecily von Ziegesar’s Gossip Girl. Reading the back cover, my eyebrows shot up at the quote from Teen People; “Sex and the City for the younger set.” My mind paused in wonder for a brief moment. Then I said outloud, “Do teens really need a version of Sex and the City?”

Books for teens are often a cause for concern among well-meaning adults. Authors reach out to young adults by writing about tough issues, perhaps ones they encountered in their own teen years. What issue could be more universal than desire brought on by raging hormones and the need to be liked by someone, anyone? Libba Bray titled her first teen novel A Great and Terrible Beauty to describe that time when we become aware of our sexuality yet are unsure how to handle it. Precisely because teens may not be ready to handle it, parents object to depictions of romance and sex in teen novels. But are these novels serving as examples of behavior or are they describing what really happens? Does life imitate art or does art imitate life?

The answer is both. Authors write what is familiar to them and we find comfort in their knowledge of the human heart. This is especially true since a wider variety of teen experiences are now being published, including gay and lesbian romances such as David Leviathan’s Boy Meets Boy. Teens can also read a novel to try on someone else’s life without consequences. In Meg Cabot’s Princess in Waiting, Mia and her girlfriends become “the followers of the Jane Eyre technique of boyfriend-handling.” Of course there are some negative results, causing the girls to reconsider the wisdom of imitating fictional characters. Like Mia, some teens may try to follow in a character’s footsteps, only to find that real life plays out differently than the novel. But Mia and friends also realize they can’t blame romance novels for their plight. They decide that “romantic heroines from literature really [are our] friends” and have “valuable lessons” to teach us.

I myself finally read Gossip Girl. Despite the cover, it wasn’t that shocking. Looking past the posh clothes, fancy homes, and volume of alcohol consumed, I saw characters not that different from kids at my former high school – insecure girls who spread rumors about friends, boys who want to have sex but wonder about love, and couples who second guess themselves but reach out to each other anyway. I realized that this is why this series and many other similar books are so popular with teens, not the potential for illicit content or ideas for future trouble. Teens are looking for stories about what it feels like to be a teen – a commiseration and celebration of what it feels like to be alive.

What's Up With the Princess Thing?

2005-01-26T22:59:00.000-08:00

The idea of being a princess has become remarkably trendy as of late. You can find almost any item embellished with "princess" or a tiara on it; purses, shirts, pillows, keychains, bumper stickers, whatever. Much of it is pink and a lot of it is aimed at young girls, though plenty is available for women as well. A bookstore publicity photo showed a room full of girls with tiaras, eager to meet Meg Cabot, the author of The Princess Diaries. One of my librarian mentors sighed at this and said, "And we fought so many years for women to be taken off the pedestal and treated with respect."

I know what she's getting it. I've seen the 50's sitcoms. In the same tone he might use with a family pet, the father proudly calls his teen daughter "Princess" or "Kitten." She is held hostage by the title, expected to fulfill her role beautifully and never make a mistake. I am also aware that Baby Boom women were accused of fairy tale expectations for marriage, lead astray by stories of Prince Charming.

Well, I'm here to tell you what the word "princess" means to me, a woman of Generation X.

The primary associations I have with the word are positive. The Hebrew meaning of Sarah is "a princess," so my parents dubbed me as royalty from day one. My parents told me I was strong, smart, and extremely capable. Since I knew I was also a princess, I thought those characteristics went hand in hand. Whatever good things I was, a princess would be also.

My early construct of a princess was not like the insipid maiden of Western folklore. Those daft girls in impractical clothing who always have to be rescued by a prince. I saw my first princess hero on the big screen in 1977, Princess Leia Organa of Star Wars. Here was a power princess. She smuggles information, withstands torture, shoots a blaster, and commands troops. Plus, she eventually tames the bad boy Han Solo. What's not to admire? (Okay, so her hair was a little freaky, but it was "long, long ago.")

As I grew up, I saw a lot of female characters that proved to be as tough as the guys. Yet typically, these fictional woman had to abandon any "girly" interests to maintain their power. The 80's and 90's were filled with serious, goal-orientated women on film who couldn't be bothered with such things as insecurity or shopping. I loved their strength, but their lives lacked spark. The term princess would only directed at them by a chauvinistic male co-worker, whose character was then doomed to a bad ending.

With the new millennium, something shifted. The female characters I now see on screen and read about in novels are powerful, smart, and sassy. They can take care of themselves, thank you very much. And they do want they want to do, whether that be command a board room or buy the latest Prada shoes. They have insecurities, sure, but they deal with it and move on, grabbing life for all it's worth. A man can at last be a true equal because a woman does not define herself by looking to him.

This is why I think the idea of woman as princess has come roaring back to the mainstream. Because we have chosen it. Princess is not a designation of our second class status. It is a statement of our own femininity and independence. We revel in our ability to be and do anything we want.

So, baby boomers, don't despair. We princesses of today freely celebrate the power of women. Because of your hard work, we are true royalty.

Bright Spots

2004-11-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've noticed that my prior posts tended to be a bit sad. Of course, I am under a lot of pressure and writing is a great way to vent. On the other hand, I'd prefer if my family, friends, and the total strangers on the Internet think of me as the generally optimistic person I am. So, now that my first quarter of library school is over, here are a few of the brightest spots over the last three months.

My children love me. They know I'm very busy and stressed, but they are happy to play on the floor next to me as I do my homework. And when I have a few spare moments, they make up stories for me and play pretend. I think those are the kind of memories that will keep me warm in the winter of my life.
My husband is a saint. He cooks, cleans, and cares for me when I can't find the energy to do it for myself. Most importantly, he makes me laugh with his wise and witty outlook on life.
My family and friends still seem to love me and are even willing to talk to me despite sounding like a broken record. "Yes, I have a lot of work to do. No, I don't get enough sleep. Yes, I think I can do this for three years."
Through the skills I learned in one course, I was able to launch a website for audio book reviews. This has been a desire of mine for some time, so it was nice to make it happen. (Of course, now I need to keep working on it.)
At work, I was selected to be a member of the Adult/Teen Reader's Advisory Team. This is a work group I've wanted to be involved with for a long time. Connecting people to books is one of my passions.

So, my life is going well. Actually quite great! This week I let my husband buy us a new Dodge Grand Caravan so we can more easily get around with the kids and all their stuff. I didn't list this as a bright spot since the pain of the monthly payments is too fresh in my mind. But I think we will have a lot of fun driving around together in it.

Now, if I could just get over the sickening feeling I've had since election day...

Information Avoidance

2004-10-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

I'm only in my first quarter and I fear I'm already starting to flake out. My information behavior over the last to weeks can be most accurately summed up in one word: avoidance. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but at some point I became overwhelmed. I started to actually withdraw in the sense that I stopped following the emails and various forum discussions as closely as I had been and rarely responded or wrote to them myself. Since this I'm in a distance program, this equates to suddenly not contributing to class or even not showing up at all.

I’m not entirely sure why this happened. I mean, I’ve always been busy. I have had a husband for 8 years, kids and a full-time job for 5 years, and I went to school full-time in-person for the last two. I’ve added layer upon layer and handled it all. But all the information coming at me and especially the processing I need to do with this info has felt like too much for one person. It possibly hasn’t helped that I’ve chosen to be involved in extra activities at the grad school as well as volunteering at my kindergartner’s school. But I signed up for those kinds of things because they give me the kind of interpersonal connection that I need to keep me sane.

My strongest suspicion as to the cause of my attitude of avoidance is the lack of a true respite from intense information receiving and processing. Back in March, I switched from working full-time during the day as a library manager and attending education classes at night to student teaching full-time and managing my library at a reduced 20 hours a week. I did it because I had to; my family needs health insurance and food. But even I admit it was one of the craziest things I’ve ever done. After that 13 weeks of insanity, I had about 7 weeks of "just" working full-time. I probably could’ve unwound properly even while working (I’m not a lay around and veg kind of girl), but then this program started in August. The learning curve has been steep and, in some ways, having asynchronous courses and homework is more intense than in-person classes.

I’m happy to say that the last couple of days I’ve felt myself come out of the haze and start participating in course activities again. Which is good, since I have three weeks left to pull it all together and finish this first quarter off. Then I will actually have a longer break than I did between the end of my last program and the beginning of this one. Hopefully I will be able carve out some true rest and prepare myself for another information assault on my mind and soul.

Just Keep Moving

2004-09-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I'm even taking the time to write this. I've been "burning the candle at both ends" as my mother loves to tell me. Staying up late to watch lectures and attempt homework. Getting up in the night with sick children. (Yes, I have a husband, but come on. When a kid is sick, it's all about mommy.) Going off to work and trying to manage a small staff and the daily operation of a small public library.
I know this is going to be worth it in three years when I have my shiny master's certificate. This week it just feels like a little much. On top of it all, my first born starts kindergarten tomorrow. It's a great school, but I'm still worried to the point of a headache. My oldest is slightly shy and extremely stubborn. He alternates between saying yes to going to school and screaming "no, I won't go!" What is this, a 60's war protest? We've told him that it's the law, which is a slight fib. In our state, schooling isn't mandatory until age 6 or 1st grade. We've told him it will be great and terrific, which I suppose is also a fib. Just by watching me, he has to know that school is hard work. Tonight, I was reduced to, "We all do things we don't want to."
I can only hope he will someday see the rewards of going to school. At this point, I'm just praying we can get him in the door.

Let Us Begin

2004-08-31T00:23:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my first foray into the ever growing world of blogs. While I am technically doing this for a class, I'm just narcissitic enough to enjoy it. Plus, I haven't kept a regular journal since my sophmore year in college. So here I will record some of my random thoughts about my experiences working in libraries and studying library and information science. May it prove useful to someone out there. At least it will explain to my children what mama was doing for three years.