inklings of a vivid young thing

lovelovelove

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:45:00 +0000

My boyfriend is turning down a six-figure salary today. And I am proud of him.

Unexpectedly Warm in Riverside

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 19:26:00 +0000

I'm a bit musky today, i feel. I showered, believe me, but I didn't expect all this heat. And then I went stumping around UC Riverside, since I got across campus only to find that I left my wallet in my car, and walked all the way back to the parking lot, wearing black in this heat to get it.

I hate thinking other people can maybe...smell me.

it's my birthday. freakin' hell

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:47:00 +0000

It's my birthday and i'm 23. i'm going to buy my parents flowers for birthing and creating me. i think it's really special, all the hard work they put in to make me and get me this far.

yes, i'm going to buy them flowers. i called them both to thank them. my father accidentally told me 'happy birthday' yesterday. my mother was very busy this morning and admitted that she almost forgot. it's okay, i was born anyways.

freakin hell tho. i'm sick...i'm on the mend, i need more sleep, my throat is sore. and my period started this morning. oh well. such is life. also, i decided to wear my flats to school, and they are getting a bit sweaty, making me feel self conscious about possibly having smelly feet.

but i got work off tonight. and my poor boyfriend is not feeling too well. i think we'll lie around my house, staying warm and watching Battlestar Galactica, since season 3 just came in the mail. And he will be bringing one of my favorite desserts...either panna cotta or a lemon meringue pie. mmm...being on my period, dessert sounds fantastic.

Our Christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 23:36:00 +0000

Last night was our fantastic Christmas Date! This should totally be a tradition.

This Christmas was our second together and we teamed up to get everything done! Unfortunately, he's been so busy working hard, so as soon as my finals were done, we got our shopping list together and I went out and bought all the presents.

WHEW! I was pooped...I think next year, I'll make the money and he can go shop. I'm not much of a shopper...

But I'm so glad because its Christmas Eve and all the presents are bought and wrapped. I've never spent so much on Christmas before, and being so cost-conscious it makes me kinda anxious! His family seems to spend much more on Christmas than mine does, so next year I'll have to get used to this.

One of the fun parts of wrapping the gifts was thinking of fun ways to up the surprises Christmas Day. Since we ordered so many gifts online, we further disguised them by wrapping them and re-wrapping them in the boxes they came in. I fancied the gifts up by using some fun techniques with the bows that I saw on a Martha Stewart episode. And the peel-and-stick Christmas labels I bought last year were very handy.

But now to the awesome part: Our Christmas Date!
-We finally got around to seeing the Festival of Lights at the Mission Inn, and the lights were beautiful!!! There were so many people and cute Christmas animated figures. Couples were going on carriage rides, but I skipped that. I don't need a Cinderella image to feel like a princess. We were a little dismayed that the horse hooves had glitter on them! I realize it doesn't hurt the horses at all, it just felt undignified towards the horses. Maybe I'm too concerned about it.

-We tried to eat there, but all the restaurants were packed! So we drove to Cheesecake Factory. We had such a delicious dinner! I feel so blessed to be able to eat such delicious food all the time.

-After, I coaxed him into taking me to the bookstore, since I stopped spending so much money on books. I meant to leave all the books there, but I couldn't help taking a few home.

It was such a fantastic Christmas Date, and I hope there are many more to come.

Now, I can't wait to see what he got me! I know he'll love his present!

Btw, that picture is the Mission Inn at Christmas taken by Steve Mendoza.

My Boyfriend Hates These Pajamas.

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:43:00 +0000

but I love them. don't know why.

Wishlist Trees vs. Thanksgiving Trees

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 19:37:00 +0000

Although I'm not always successful, I've been really happy lately because I'm able to focus on all the great things in my life. We're in a down recession and yet I still have so much love and support. I'm still working and though I'm just barely paying my bills, they are still getting paid.

I was reading this article and the commentary at WiseBread about needy families who are using wishlist trees to ask for big ticket items like iPods and Xboxs and turning off those who want to donate but can't afford those items for their own children.

In the comments many talk about ways that they get around these seemingly exorbitant requests and others don't want to stop needy kids from dreaming, but I think there's another side to this.

This Thanksgiving, I asked many around me what they were thankful for and many seemed reluctant to say, or made jokes. But so many seem to have little problem as to what they want. Any maybe this is our problem.

Why don't we have Thanksgiving trees instead of Wishlist trees? It seems that it would help the needy and those who aren't needy more to help them to focus on the good instead of the bad. Having been depressingly unemployed last Christmas, I cried thinking about the things I didn't have and the things I couldn't get for those I love, because it often seemed like Christmas was about what everyone wants. But maybe it's no accident that Thanksgiving and Christmas are right next to each other. And if you're religious, Christmas is a celebration of God's blessing to the world. Not a celebration of what God wants, or what you or I want.

I'm taking this time at the end of my year to look at all the great things in my life now that I've spent the whole year putting it back together. And I'm looking forward at next year and what I seek to accomplish then. As much as I'd like to, no one I know is getting any big ticket items from me, but I'll definitely be finding a way to show them that I really appreciate all they've contributed to my life this year.

And when I have my own family, I hope to give them a Thanksgiving tree.

Comments

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 05:47:00 +0000

I've decided to start actively commenting on the blogs I read. I know. It sounds simple and retarded, but so often I'm just happy to read and absorb without getting involved in the conversation. And now I realize that reciprocity would be nice.

I guess I always assume that a "Thanks for a great post" is too mundane. And someone else will say something anyways. But as a blogger, every comment is appreciated.

I also get nervous mentioning other people's blogs. but bloggers love that too.

Use Social Media - Make People Listen

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:46:00 +0000

Say you're a struggling musician...looking to be the next Kanye West, Bono, or Madonna.

You've got a Facebook page. Your music is up on Myspace. But your only friends are your mother and your friends from high school. And they like you, right?

So, your music is decent. Or even really good. But no one knows who you are.

What do you do?

See, it isn't enough to be on the web. And talking to your friends only goes so far. You've got to make new connections come to you. At least if you want to be the next Madonna.

How do you do that?! How do you get thousands of people on the web to listen to you?

@greatfulbread on Twitter just told me this morning that "being a giving member of social web is ALWAYS beneficial." And that's just what Chris Blake did.

I found his video in an article by Chris Brogan, a community & social media blogger I follow.

Apparently, Chris Blake googled "biggest regrets", saw what people were talking about and made a YouTube video with it. Guess what the background music was?

Now his video has been seen about 75,000 times, including by many people who wondered, "What song is this?" and likely went on to discover the rest of his music.

Lesson: Chris Blake gave the Web 2.0 community something profound and sometimes funny. He created something related to what he was doing that was free and struck a chord with many human beings. And now people all over the world can share his music.

Alright, so he won't be the next Madonna. But that video, seen by many, has now become his best promotional tool.

Election 2008 Went Viral

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:34:00 +0000

Here's an article about this year's election being the most Web 2.0 forward campaign ever.

Notably, Barack Obama used Web 2.0 to bolster his grassroots efforts this year. He even had his own social networking site where people could spread their passion for his issues on my.barackobama.com

Now, I tend to be a political cynic, myself, but his front page is inspiring...much like about everything else he seems to do.

The theme to his page is "Because it's about YOU" and here it seems that Barack Obama gets Web 2.0. Web 2.0 is about allowing people to express themselves to each other, and we see this in this campaign's use of Web 2.0

Lately the Ning Blog has been featuring various Ning sites that are politically-oriented. For example, Americans are using Ning to support Sarah Palin, John McCain, even Ann Kobayashi, who is running for mayor of Honolulu.

While the election will be over after today, sites like YouTube, Twitter, MySpace, and Facebook have done a huge part in spreading word about people and their passions about the issues and candidates, on the local and national level. Not only that, Web 2.0 has given people a place to get all the information, such as who is supporting Prop. 8 about gay marriage in California, and whether or not the world thinks Palin is ready for Vice Presidency.

I think this shows the power of Web 2.0 - it taps into the passions of people and allows them to "go viral", expressing and sharing their passions by contributing to an organic growth of worldwide connections.

Where are you sharing your passions? Do you "belong" to a place on the web? Is your brand inspiring passion?

This post was written for a project I'm working on for the Sloan Center of Internet Retailing. Check back to see when the Ning site goes live for the latest research on Web 2.0!

Why social media is like democracy

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:37:00 +0000

The amazing thing about social web is that it reflects the democracy that is America.

Okay, maybe I'm saying this because I turned in my early vote today, but as a business, small or large, every customer counts. This is more true today where any customer can get on the web and tell the world what they think about you on Yelp, Get Satisfaction, The Consumerist, and YouTube.

This means that every customer, whether they do or not, has the chance to throw in their vote for or against your business, service, or product. Unlike democracy, some votes will mean more than others, particularly the negative votes if they have any merit.

However, it is because of the social web that many businesses can feel the love of things they are doing right and correct what they are getting wrong. And while no one likes a critic, the negative comments can give one the most opportunity to address weaknesses.

In the restaurant business, for every unsatisfied customer that speaks up, there are three more who leave never to come back again. And if customers are using the web to sing your praises, or complain, there's no reason why you can't use the web to address their concerns or build your brand by rewarding customer loyalty.

For example, Zappos, is being lauded on the web for their great business practices, as well as the company's use of social web. Their CEO is using Twitter, and as a customer, I was impressed that he took the time to answer my question - How does a CEO start using Twitter? Like anyone else, he was playing around with it with his friends and then introduced it to the company. Now many of his employees are power users.

Consumers are voting on their blogs, in their tweets, on youtube, in forums...everywhere on the web, as well as with their dollars. So get out there and campaign!

This post was written for a project I'm working on for the Sloan Center of Internet Retailing. Check back to see when the Ning site goes live for the latest research on Web 2.0!

Team Awesome for teh win!

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 04:42:00 +0000

Image via WikipediaSoooooooo,

last weekend was justin and i's ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! YAY!!!!!!!

I can't believe it's been a year already, and neither can anyone else.

Justin, was freakin' awesome and got us tickets to go see Wicked (freakin' awesome). I was interested but not hyped, because I get weird about things that get a lot of hype, and i read the book, and didn't really get it. Watched the show, looooovvvveeeeddd it.

We also went to a really nice italian restaurant for dinner @ hollywood & highland, where everyone had an italian accent and the texture of the steak i had was as smooth as ahi sashimi. no joke. incredible.

...and we went to sur la table for justin, so he could buy his super-quality kitchen knives. he says he feels old now for having bought something that will last him the rest of his life.

...and we went to IKEA (aww, back to where we had our first date) to get some stuff for his new apartment.

...and i showed him the joys of valet parking, a leftover habit from living in Vegas

Best date EVAR.

i mean, i've done a lot of really great things, but that was the best date EVAR.

...and he got me a bunch of super-cool presents. he's super proud of how well he pays attention to what i want. i, on the other hand, was totally oblivious to the fact that we were even doing presents, even though, duh, it's our one-year anniversary. i are stupid sometimes. (i did get him super cool presents too, don't trip.)

btw, his new apartment is super cool. Despite being in Riverside, the whole place is designed to look like a mountain area w. pine trees, and the apartment balcony overlooks the pool. And because there are always people in the pool late at night, being at home feels like being at a resort. Now, that's nice to come home to. And it makes it much easier to relax after work.

i'm in looooovvvvveee

oh, and, well, how do i say this? I've never looked to a man to take care of me, or been taken care of by a man. But having one who does take care of me? It takes some getting used to for sure, and I remain gracious as always....blahblahblahblahblah.... justin is the fuckin' win. period.

thank you, lover. for everything.

I'm Offended. Racist Movie Images

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:09:00 +0000

Image via WikipediaNow, I realize that the issue is nothing new, racist images are presented in the movies all the time.

Right now, I'm watching the movie, 21. Now, with all the movies on the market and the many previews floating around, I can barely remember what any movie is about, based on the name. So, I sit down to watch it, and I realize that the movie is based on a book I just read, Bringing Down the House, about MIT kids formed into a blackjack team that made a lot of money off Vegas.

However, the book makes it really clear that the team, while not excluding white kids, was mostly composed of Asian and Indian American kids, including the main character. However, in the movie, most of the team is white, including the main character, with one Asian male and one Asian female.

WTF?!?!?

Were they too afraid to alienate the audience by using an Asian-American kid as the main character? And what does that mean? Why is it that it's okay to force everyone in America to identify with a rich, smart, white kid at MIT, but you can't allow people to identify with an Asian American MIT student? It's very clear to me that a character decision was made. What a disappointment.

My Personal Finance Tipping Point

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 19:33:00 +0000

FreeFromBroke is asking about everyone's personal finance tipping point, so here it goes:

When I was 18, I got my hands on Rich Dad, Poor Dad, which was not my PF tipping point, but it was the point at which I realized that getting a job was not the only way in the world to make money.

I thought I was so smart - I learned about credit and personal finance devouring books on those subjects and entrepreneurship, doing research on different programs designed to create cashflow. I didn't know what I wanted, but I decided that when I figured it out, I would be ready.

But I still spent more than I made, and thought that I was making a credit history but using too much credit and over time it turned into debt I couldn't easily pay back quickly. I had a $100/month book habit, where I would go to Borders every time I had a little money or had a bad day. In the midst of a bad relationship, I financed a dirtbike with no money down, thinking it would bring us closer. In 2006, I moved to Las Vegas to help family with a real estate company. In 2007, I ended that relationship, leaving me with a huge debt and a bike I hardly used. Then the real estate market crashed, and I was without a job for six months, and the bike got repossessed. All this time, I still thought I was so smart, since I'd managed over the years to pay my bills on time, until I was jobless and depressed at my once awesome credit score going down.

At the time, I just got by, but I still went out, bought clothes, paid for dinners, went to concerts, and didn't pay my bills.

In February 2008, I finally got a job that would pay the bills, though I'd been working again since December 2007. Still reading personal finance, I got Larry Winget's You're Broke Because You Want To Be, and while it wasn't my favorite book, it forced me to look back at the last year and realize:

All this time I thought I was so smart, but I was sinking deeper into debt because I refused to live within my means. I focused on what I could afford monthly, didn't plan for the future, and never really reined in my spending even thought I didn't have a job anymore. Better now than never, but I finally got to my tipping point, which was to learn:

Spend Less Than You Earn

my moon, my man

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Tue, 27 May 2008 04:23:00 +0000

he helps me remember me. the best of me, the me i choose.

last night was another night on another level. he reminded me of the importance of the journey over the importance of the destination and as time goes on, he is my mirror. through him i see my resistance. i see my future. i remember myself and many things i forgot in the confusion of past relationships.

i remember that desire does not exclude me. that open isn't a facade. he stands in my soul, he cradles my heart. and yet i am still free to be completely my own. ang sarili ko.

i love hearing him speak, the passion in his words, his dedication to emotion. i love having a hand in the contentment in his face in the morning. the strain in his face as he pours into me. mahal ko siya.

i want no one else.

moodiness and distrust.

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:38:00 +0000

the PMS has begun.

it's like a brain parasite. and as time passes i feel like i regularly question what you say in the back of my mind.

sometimes, i'd rather not be in a relationship because the whole idea of claiming someone as "yours" immediately sets you up for the fall. and it hurts.

but PMS or not...thanks for reminding me that i will never really know anyone.

LGBT Marriage in California

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Fri, 16 May 2008 07:50:00 +0000

I was reading an article about the fact that California is allowing gay marriage, and it struck me that one opponent's argument, at least in this article, was that California shouldn't be contributing to the disintegration of family.

While I am very much a heterosexual, I believe that it is ignorant to say that allowing gay marriage is disintegrating the idea of family. If anything, allowing gay marriages allows more people to legally create families. These are the same people who would tell you that black people are ignorant, or that mexicans are lazy and don't contribute to the economy.

The disintegration of family has already begun under the system that only recognizes heterosexual unions legally. I find that most LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) are very open, tolerant people because of the understanding and experience they have with intolerance. Also, it's been shown that children of LGBT families are no more gay, affected, or depressed than those of heterosexual families. The LGBT community has also become, when allowed, a great resource for orphans and foster children because of their inability to procreate. The biological ability to love and nurture is still there and a great advantage. Where the abandoned children in question are more likely to have come from where? Heterosexual couples.

I saw a documentary where a gay male couple in the process of adoption were throughly screened, and he commented, "All a straight person has to do is get laid one time to have a child, and here I am fighting for one." My point is that heterosexuals are no more qualified to get married or have children than any gay person.

happy belated mother's day

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:00:00 +0000

I love my mom.

That's it. She works hard and even even though we clash heads sometimes, she's taught me a lot about being a woman, a wife, and a mother. Over the years I've learned things such as:

You get sick if you don't take care of your self. ("that's why!")
Take care of your family come hell or highwater, little sleep or stress.
Sometimes you gotta hustle to pay the bills.
How to catch fish with your toes.
Don't forget where you came from.
No matter how tired you get, sometimes the only choice is to keep going.

Oh mom.

In other news, my midterm got moved to Wednesday which is awesome considering that I got so caught up in Mother's Day and thinking abut what needed to be done that I totally forgot to do the review sheet. Oops and thankyoujesus.

Also, I graduate in TEN MORE CLASSES!!!!!!

All my classes are set, I'm so excited! I just need to get past this quarter.

But it just occurred to me...maybe I need to cut down on some work to focus on school. And focus on paying down debt after I graduate instead of trying to pay it off while I'm trying to graduate...eh.

Bargains Galore!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:34:00 +0000

My Google Reader mostly consists of personal finance, frugality, and lifehack blogs...I can't get enough. I actually stopped buying magazines because I already get so much fresh content to read everyday!!

So, I started CVSing and last Sunday I, no joke, bought around $120 worth of stuff for.....

$20!!!! I'm talking allergy medicines, cold medicine, body wash, razor blades, refill razor cartridges, shampoo, conditioner, lip gloss, air fresheners, and gum.

Also, I got some awesome running shoes at Khol's, name-brand for $26, and man are they comfie. I think I'm also excited because these are the first truly athletic shoes I've ever owned since I had to attend Physical Education in middle school.

And today, I decided I should get some shorts for camping in the desert this weekend and the tag read $15, but they rung up for $4!!!

Which is awesome since I am semi-broke since I got sick this week and couldn't work since I couldn't retain any fluids. It was ugly from both ends. Fortunately, the bulk of money spent camping is the food, and I've already got that covered. Can't wait to go rock climbing!!!!

Worry

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 08:46:00 +0000

Image by s e l v i n via FlickrI am worried about this 3,000 word paper due in two weeks. I'm glad I have an outline and a direction to go in but the paper is about two books that didn't seem terribly interesting, so I'm sludging through the important parts. I have to keep reminding myself that the best way to get it done is just to do it...instead of blogging. hah!

Also, in trying to get current with my credit cards, I scheduled a $271 automatic withdrawal for the 13th. I know I'll have enough by then, I just gotta be careful...

I think the anxiety is because I just got paid for last month and already all of it got sucked up in paying down credit card debt. But I guess that's the whole point, because then I'll have that extra cash lying around every month once I get my debts lowered. Including my car loan, which is under my mom's name, and not including my student debt, which doesn't need to be paid until I graduate, I have under $16,000 in debt. Here goes!

However, I am glad, that unlike last year, my life is coming together again - I am employed, I'm back in school, and I'm beginning to pay my own bills again. By next month, I won't be getting calls all day from credit card companies. Whoohoo!

Also, my boyfriend and I are planning a camping trip to Joshua Tree, which will be beautiful since it's spring and the wildflowers will be out. I can't wait! There was an option to go to a rave also over Spring Break, but I'm glad we'll just be camping. I'm still recuperating from the last rave...

You (I) Need A Budget

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 08:34:00 +0000

Finally! My taxes are done, and my FAFSA is filed!!

I neither owe nor will I get anything from my tax return since I made such a paltry amount last year after having been unemployed for most of it, and not by choice, I might add.

Well, I did work four months for a company that was so horribly mismanaged that they shut down and I did not receive a W-2 from them.

I'm working on budgeting and living within my means and have decided to start the free trial of YNAB or You Need A Budget. Yes, yes, I do need a budget. I've tried looking at Quicken and MS Money, and lately I've been saving my receipts, but so far, this looks like the most inspired way to stay on track with my money.

Best of all, the boyfriend is interested in doing this with me, which definitely bodes well for our future. Plus, it's nice to have someone to be accountable to about this and sometimes when I'm feeling broke, I don't want to spend money, and while I do appreciate his generosity, I don't want to spend his money just because I don't want to spend mine. If we do this together, then we'll know how much we have as a couple. I've been on this saving-money trip but we ate out the other night and spent $40...as good as dinner was, I feel a bit anxious about that still. I suppose we'll see how this budgeting exercise develops.

Organize Me.

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 03:08:00 +0000

Phew!

So today since, I've finally accumulated enough regular income to start paying bills regularly, I used the time after school to:
-schedule my classes for spring quarter
-update my Bills excel Spreadsheet
-got current on 3 of 5 credit cards
-arranged to be current on all 5 credit cards again by April

Now, I've gotta
-e-file my taxes using the IRS site
-begin the outline for this paper due in two weeks....if i think about how big this paper is, i'll freak out and never get started...

i feel so much better now getting up to date on my debts and preparing for the future. I'm nervous because I set up some large debt pay-off transfers for this month, but as long as I watch my spending, i'll meet them.

Also, before when I didn't have regular income, I had a hard time spending on things other than food and gas since I had no idea when the next time I'd have money would be and I needed food and gas first. I had to let go of that feeling so I could pay these bills, and I'm still a little nervous. After last year's shaky financial status, it's hard to shake the feeling of never having enough...

5 Things I Like About Being a Waitress

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:09:00 +0000

1. I can work short hours and make enough to pay my bills.

2. I get paid to exercise (ie. lift wights and run around and sweat)

3. I get more money for flirting and/or being a smart-ass depending on the table.

4. I can take night or day classes and work lunch or dinner.

5. I can make more or less money at any time by taking more shifts or working later.

umm...that's all I can think of for now. I'm just trying to look on the bright side of my job. I'm a little stressed today between three jobs and school.

I want a whole day to just lie around and cuddle and not worry about assignments and papers...someday...

Women, Preserve Yourselves.

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:10:00 +0000

When an old relationship of mine was failing, I turned to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and one thing that struck me was Dr. Grey's idea that women have gas tanks - we love to give and care for those in our lives and after a while the gas runs out unless someone refuels us by giving us the care and love we need back. Men have no idea how true this is. Women have no idea how true this is.

I haven't had a chance to catch up with my good friend, L, in a long time so I gave her a call today. Usually we're both just busy, lately it's hard sometimes to get her full attention because she's still honeymooning in her relationship and everything is about her boyfriend these days. I understand, I've been there. In fact, she used to hate my ex-boyfriend, in part because I gave him all my attention at the time.

She didn't sound too good. You know how you can tell your friends aren't alright as soon as they say "hello"? I'd known that she'd been helping her relatively new boyfriend deal financially with various traffic tickets, court dates, his car being towed, etc. Last week, it was getting stressful and that rush of love that made her swoop in and save him was obviously waning. She'd found this week that after supporting herself in a comfortable life for many years she wasn't getting anything done for herself, she couldn't afford a haircut and was knee-deep in his-and-hers debt...

"I'm so frustrated. I feel like we're married and we're not. He's starting to feel like a burden to me and I don't want to feel this way."

Every woman I know gets this way. They go all out of their way to spend their time with a man, and help him clean, or pay for things, or do any number of nice things because they care. There's nothing wrong with that. But if the effort even seems one-sided, you get one unhappy woman and sometimes this woman doesn't even know why. She did all these things for the man she loves out of the love in her own heart and went out of her way and felt crappy when he didn't go out of his way for her, sometimes because he couldn't, didn't know how, or didn't even know he was supposed to "go out of his way" he was just loving her the way he usually did.

Who's fault is this?

My girl was starting to resent her man for needing so much from her, but she gave it to him. I firmly believe that often, men will get away with what you allow, they will take everything you are willing to give. I believe that women need to learn how to set boundaries for themselves before they resent the one they love. I told my girl that perhaps, this was the lesson she needed to learn, and she needed to ask herself from here on out, "If i do this for him, will i resent him later?"

Will you resent him later??

Women start to often think that if he gave her flowers once or twice that he suddenly deserves her continuous utmost effort (which often leads to her prioritizing him over her), thinking that they will receive in return ultra-special treatment, while their man is thinking he did a great job and is still getting what he wants done by being a normal boyfriend.

Stop!!!

It is not your lover's fault, because it is not his responsibility to handle your responsibilities. But neither is it your responsibility to handle his. If you drive to see him/help him pay his bills/buy some groceries/pay for dinner instead of doing homework/saving money/getting alone time will you resent him? You'll ruin a relationship with the resentment you allowed to creep in. Don't put yourself out in love if it's going to decrease your love later. Take care of yourself first. Preserve yourself and then love him.

alright, so maybe the brokeness is not over...

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 19:06:00 +0000

i needed a $5 book off amazon for a research paper i'll be working on and i checked my account to find that:

i have $47 to my name.

i also have $75 in savings, but the point is to not spend that.

Gah. I had $600 at the beginning of the month. Where did it all go? I know it wasn't much, but that's exactly why it so terrible that i just did not keep track of it. I want to start jotting down everything I spend my money on. I started out by saving all my receipts....also, my bank statements are readily available online...i need to force myself to look at all that though, and therein lies the hard part.

I've gotten a little better at discerning the difference between what you want and what you need, but I need to stop justifying wants into needs:
-i wanted to get my best friend a moderately expensive birthday present because she's really helped me out the last couple of months
-i wanted new books because they were on sale and were relevant to what i've been trying to do in my life
-i bought drinks at dinner and totally inflated my bill because i felt like i "needed" a drink

You get the idea. And of course, the answer is to spend less than i earn and save a little of it.

It's difficult because I grew up in a middle-class family, I got everything I wanted almost all the time, my parents can't budget or save well and neither did they teach me, and now I'm trying to teach myself and I've already developed bad habits.

Well, I have $47 and I have to start living within my means right now.

the brokeness is over!

noreply@blogger.com (Lover Extraordinaire) — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 08:50:00 +0000

...but is regular sleep over too??

I finally did it, I finally obtained myself some employment that will pay all the bills I have leftover from the last time I had employment that paid my bills. I am your friendly neighborhood waitress once again - lookin' cute and serving out the drinks and the meals.

Pros:
-makin' the moneyz. payin' the bills.
-a job that works around my school schedule
-if i need to switch something up, i'll be able to switch with a coworker
-it's located about midway between the triangle that is my house, my lover's house, and school.
-i'm ridiculously good at this....i think.

Cons:
-serving again, i'm hoping the customer quality will be better at this restaurant
-sometimes i get tired of catering to someone's every whim
-it will take some time to get back up to the level of energy it takes to do this
-i'd rather stick to office work, cuz serving food gets messy sometimes.

I'm very excited, cuz while i do currently maintain an office job on campus that i love, it pays nowhere near enough to pay my bills. i'm really tired of getting calls from my creditors - believe me, i would pay you all if i had the money. and now i can finally get my credit score back up to where it was.

I've spent the last eight months stressing, crying, ignoring, fighting bouts of depression over where the next $100 was going to come from to put food in my mouth and gas in my car to get to the next interview and maintain the carefree-looking lifestyle i had acquired. i've hid my despairs quietly and then spilled guts to my closest friends when i couldn't keep my fears to myself. i've tried to escape into delirious highs in order to pass the unemployed time and feel better just for a little while. i almost called my ex-boyfriend because i thought he cursed me to this jobless doom. My life was still relatively sweet, but not paying your bills, not having any savings, and worrying about the next dollar sucks. it sucks ass.

So thank Jesus. I finally charmed the pants off someone just enough for them to give me a chance and hire me on the spot.

I'm a little afraid because I anticipate living out of my car as I will constantly be shuttling between my home, school, work at school, my lover's home, and this new job. I treasure my rest and I definitely want to pass this quarter so I'm wondering how I will fit rest and studying/homework in. And I don't see my family too much as it is. Also, I have a side project going on that I'm helping with that I really don't want to fall by the wayside. Plus, besides those annoying phone calls (NOTE: do not EVER put your cell phone number on a credit card application. They will call you all fuckin' day long.), I've kinda gotten used to floating by on the small reserves of cash I've been able to get a hold of, and its going to take a while to get up to the level of energy it's going to take to maintain the crazy college schedule I've created for myself. And I won't quit my school job, cuz I need the office experience on my resume, and my job is super cool.

Fuck this shit, I just gotta do it. Wish me luck.