Inlaws and Outlaws

FOR THAT ONE.......

2011-02-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

For that one smile
I die
For that one smile
I pine
Not always are we in the world of unknowns
Not always do we know what we are
As much as its an irony
For that one smile
I pine

For that one cosy corner
I yearn
For that one cuppa masala tea
I cry
There are days that go by in a flash
And what we do now is forgotten then…
This is the world which is today
For that one cosy corner
I yearn

For that one hug
I wait
For that one laugh
I pray
Time runs by without a wish
The seconds zip by with just a dash
For that one laugh with you my friend
I wait…

Not always in this clinical jungle
Are things wrong?
But never are things forever right
It may be the law of nature
I agree
But it gives me enough reason
To disagree

Am proud to be the Indian that I am
Because I hail from the land
Which is more of ‘you’ than the ‘I am’
Am proud of my land
That knows to emote
Am proud of my land
That is warmth untold.

For that one smile
For that one cosy corner
For that one cuppa masala tea
For that one hug
For that one laugh
I yearn…

2010-07-06T05:09:00.000-07:00

AN ODE TO A FRIEND

We started off as simple friends over tea
As often admist the stressfuls days,
That was the only solace under the strands
Hi became a HIIIEEE and crossed bays..

Sometimes in my all my glory
While I used to be fiery,
She used to see me with her corner eye
And smile silently calling me for a tea..

Days went by
And our trivia found its share,
She became a good friend
We still loved our only place..

She started her new life
Beautiful as ever,
She was happy and it showed
And our trivia remained forever..

We shared
We cared,
In all the mess of life
We found a moment to scare the stare!

Today she is gone
Gone into the twilight,
Leaving behind
The only place we loved to share!

Miss you..

When life shows the way to ….oblivion

2010-02-28T04:49:00.000-08:00

When I heard my friend talk after 21 looong years… all that I could hear/ see in the background of my mind was the the mischief, the pranks, the squeals of laughter when Rakesh(name changed) fell of the dear branch he was trying to hold on to, the efforts made by the boys to please the girls, small little races up the stairs and the exam time, the fun when one cheated and the other one screamed.. “Miss , miss.. he is cheating…” ; days of sheer pleasure and trivial nirvana, that, I long so much for all of them.. maybe just for a little time… till I can relish it some more….

Way back in the 80’s when the computer became a craze and an expensive commodity at home, there was a serial on DD1 , where the computer cum TV, would flash colours and take everyone to the future or the past as one desired… and we used to sit glued to it, as if, Artificial Intelligence was born with computers and the time machines were truly existent. Today , I wish I had one of the time machines, just to go and see my past , to go and see my friends and relive the trivial moments of Nirvana, may be change some ..

In all these moments, as children, we do not realize that life is actually taking us in the roller coaster rider of oblivion. Emotions, feelings , teenache are all felt and realized. The mind becomes the playground and all of us the players.. The mind is an amazing game, a game that amateurs should not try to play too often, because may be the impact of the game has far reaching impact on the very self…its takes you the realms of different emotions, emotions which are not easy to shake off..

Strong emotions of love and hate though seem to be different sides of the same coin, would be termed as the absence of the other according to me. Childhood love, puppy love as we call it, and the way it is said, “oh that’s puppy love, she will grow out of it.” Does one really grow out of it, or does one choose not to grow with it? There is a marked difference in the two.

If a person really does choose to grow without it, then it is a forceful behaviour of trying to get the mind to forget the first love of their life. What does the mind do in such a situation? As children, it becomes difficult to express the feeling of “Miss you” , so to deviate from the thought of not understanding the expression of miss you, the mental framework forces the child to wander…. 21 years down the memory lane… there is this vague realization on how the first love can influence a mind.. in very many words I would call that “A Beautiful Mind” of the person who experienced the first love.

Love in itself is an ecstatic feeling and when equations change, it takes a lot of time for the feelings to adjust and accommodate. But its just amazing how the mind flows like liquid and takes the shape of where it fits best fits and lives on.
21 years after meeting an old pal, reminiscents of the past have come back like the flash back in movies. For two days I have dwelled in the glory of those days, the glory of fun, frolic, laughter, love, hate, anger and childish pranks. Its been a “adrenalitic” time to live those days… just like going back to Narnia may be..
Fighting the demons of the mind and having frolic with the loved ones… haha..

A lot more to say.. much more to do…. May be in the next session of oblivion.. J

Ending this part, with a few lines for the friends I love, the friends who are my extended family.. I thank god that he gave all of us an opportunity to choose the extended family, without whom life would be dull, devoid of oxygen…

We chose to live,
The life of others
We are taught to live
The life of elders
In all this world of
Imbibing and Living
Glad that I have you
My pal

Glad that I could find you
Glad that I could hear you
Trust in the relation
Has brought us together again
In all this world of
Learning and Teaching
Happy that you are there
My pal……

Till the next part of oblivion.. live on.. life is fun

Priya

Luck ... by chance.. ??

2010-01-11T00:35:00.000-08:00

LUCK.. BY Chance….

The movie name never got me to think so much as it does today. What is Luck and what does the absence of this word mean to any of us? The meaning of Luck as it stands is “Luck or fortuity is a belief in good or bad fortune in life caused by accident or chance which happens beyond a person's control”- seems more like a risk definition given in Insurance :)

What is chance? Risk…. so do we mean to say that living is a risk- we are living by chance- all this life is a chance. Chance- to do what? Chance to bring change.. chance to conquer…chance to just live??
Not sure actually. Why is that we make a comment- “That guy is so lucky- he just has everything in this world”. We may find a Vijay Mallaya lucky or a Sushmita Sen lucky. They have money, glitz, glamour and all, and they also are considered lucky by us, but do they consider themselves lucky? What would their definition of luck be then? Get richer, become famous yet again ( as i dont believe in more famous and less famous)- its like lycra- either you have it or you dont..

Does that mean we should refrain from using the word luck and this should be used only for purely technical usage like winning a lottery, - that’s definitely lucky, or surviving death- may be more than once- that’s lucky. But have we thought if that person who won the lottery, considers himself lucky or if the one surviving death thinks that he is lucky? In all this luck and ill luck, where is the commoner stuck?

We work like never before
We live like we want more
We sleep like we don’t want to be up
We rise as if we never were up

What are we gaining?
What are we doing?
We live by every day
When life isnt sure any day

Then why cry for luck
Its like crying foul on your buck
If its yours , it shall be
If its not, don’t presume it to be

If destiny is yours, it shall be
If it is not, we have to see
What we can make of what we have
And live like a run to save.

We spend more than 3/4th of our time sitting at our office desks, punching away letters on our keyboard and trying to make some money to have a decent livelihood. Have we thought what we actually want to do with our lives? May be not, may be yes, to some life may be being a workaholic, many take pride in it. It is quite a shame that, they would not be seeing their kids grow, hear their parents talk or even look at the blue sky above. There is no time for one to laze.
The lesser blessed mortals- may find us very lucky… we sit in an air conditioned room, we can see , we can talk and vola!! We even crib!! J

In all that I have seen today and the thoughts that raced in my mind today, all that I can figure out to tell my mind is that.. “HANG ON.. LIFE GOES ON…. “ “WHAT GOES AROUND.. EVENTUALLY HAS TO COME AROUND…”

India Shining.. or Burning Bright??

2008-11-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

Hey I am back,
Wish i could say this with a lot of gust and in the old 'gung-ho' way.. but no.. i guess i am back on the blog after a loooooong spell of silence for various reasons and today i have got back to the blog for a reason. To all my friends, folks and pals out there who like to read my blog....i beseech each one of you to take out a little time to think of what we can give back to the nation for the little that it may have done.

I agree that it is a very easy task to say that 'what have the nincompoops sitting as lame ducks in the ministry of high officials done for us' , it is even more stress- busting, if i may put it that way, if we could actually thrash a few like crushed paper into the waste paper basket or see them flushed out of the toilets like toilet paper; but today, after carefully monitoring the progress of the "WAR ON MUMBAI" , i have neither been able to get the sights of my mind, nor flush the lame ministers and lambast them and feel better..

There is a poignant feeling of depression and responsibility that i am feeling towards this city and the country as a whole. It is a feeling that we, as in the educated class is silently taking the brunt and allowing more of it to happen. Fathom a situation of last evening, 2 well dressed, young militants start shooting at the famous 'Victoria Terminus'. It is one station where while during my project days, have counted the number of feet crossing a square foot within a minute. It was close to 30 feet crossing a square foot in a minute, so if i were to calculate the area of the station and the peak hours and the number of people who were there, we were much larger in number than the 2 "EQUIPPED AND ARMED" youngsters, but the sheer crowd and the mob could have just overpowered them!! Sad, but the mob, that rarely forgets its power in this country, except for times of strike and bull shitting, like the great Union Bandh, could do nothing last evening, but run. I agree that that is the first reaction, but coming to think of it, for the amount of time the young fearless warriors of death were there, the mob could have manifested itself into a huge pythonic creature, way beyond the imagination of anybody and over powered them with a little intelligence...(This is my personal thought, comments welcome) Unfortunately, most of us do not realise, or rather fail to see the Freudians theory of the mob culture. They are the strongest- you can never beat them.

It is time, we thought of why we do not manifest ourselves into ugly creatures to save the better world? The answer is simple and heart renching. We have been slaves way too far. Slaves to corruption, dishonesty and bureaucracy. We do not have the courage to stand up to it, because we find it easier to run and get stomped by it. Unfortunately, a few of us realise that the terrorists who have these attacks read the minds of people way too well before they plan their attacks. They know us better then we knowing ourselves.

Now coming to the fact that leave alone the common man who walks the streets of the country, our own ministers had to see/ discuss and then decide if they ever had to come to Mumbai. I again do not blame them here. They have the wicked potion of politics for breakfast, lunch and dinner and are consumed by the glory of power way too much to see the misery around them. I again blame the country and the people for not standing uptogether against these "unintelligent bunch of jokers" that we vote for every time into power.

Every rainy season in Mumbai and there is a PIL that is registered against the BMC for the miserable work that they have done. Has any one of us bothered to collect/ gather people and take this forward. NO. Today, we have advertisements indicating "Jago re" and a lot more of such satirical ways to instill some sort of petty guilt in the minds of people like me who never vote, because i strongly believe that there is NO ONE TODAY in the country who is worthy of my vote. Can any one voice that back. Yes.. i could - with a small article on my blog, may be tomorrow i shall write a Letter to the Editor.. like what i used to do in the name of Priyanka K, during the infamous days of my college. ;)) Just gaining a thrill to let the world know at last.. who Priyanka K was... hehe...

That was a vain attempt there to ease myself out. Nevertheless, todays incident in Mumbai is a lesson for the bunch of fools who get voted by us and an incident- that NONE of us should ever forget or forgive. I do not ask of you to become terrorists, but yes, the least we can do for our country is to stand as one and question our right!!

Hope you are able to grasp the wavelength of my feeling for the nation and hope and pray that we are able to act soon on some issues for the country

JAI HIND!!

Half full or half empty??

2008-02-11T06:05:00.000-08:00

The one example that every personality development program will pick up with the garb of explaining positivity to the audience. "This glass on the table, how would you describe it?" The ones who consider themselves , the smart "....."- ( i leave that for you to fill up) jump at the answer stating - this is half full, with the expectation to hear, "superb- thats being positive, and the remaining few who sit and sigh at the usual , pattern of questions which are used in the PDPs...

Then spat came an explanation from the lecturer.. "the conotation to this glass is a lot different today. No situation in todays world can be so perfect that it is half full or half empty"... said the lecturer, this glass is "neither full nor empty"

Let me introduce the students and the lecturer to all of you. The students are none other than the hundred questions that fly around in my head and the lecturer is the culmination of my mind and heart. Many a times, i have asked myself this question, can any thing be so clear in todays world? Doubt it. Close to impossible. (Nothing is completely impossible in this world).

Life always takes us through this rugged terrain to explain to us what it means to lead a life which is "neither full or empty" - what is it that any human wants to gain out of this worldly living? Material benefits, lineage..... what? Either ways, all that a human ends up doing is get into this rat race and try to compete in the exodus... leading to irritation/ frustration and a lot of dissatisfaction...

Even though i want to stay away from this deluge of a race which can drown all of us... the force is so strong that i am being carried away by it.. and so is the case with each one of you who is reading this ...so as you read it .. procrastinate and try to realise the importance of yourself and your loved ones in this rat race, because for want of making it in the exodus, dont lose all in this deluge...

WAKE UP AND REALISE THAT LIFE IS NEITHER FULL NOR EMPTY... before you find yourself in a situation trying to figure out WHAT HIT YOU AND WHAT YOU MISSED!!!

GOOD LUCK...

Darling... do you dare... this is India shining

2007-12-16T07:37:00.000-08:00

As i walk into the busy exodus of people in Churchgate, the smell of "tea - chocolate" tempts me to stand at the stall and check out what is being sold there.. the board reads.. tea- 5 rs, coffee- 5 rs, hot chocolate- 10 rs.. vow.. that gives the answer to the enticing smell... both the beverages being my favourites..

After a theekha snack of bhelpuri, my mind settles on the third option.. hot chocolate... and i walk towards the stall, blissfully unaware of the queue lined up to take beverages. I was given the nastiest glance by the aunty in white and it was then i realised that.. " oops.. mumbaichi queue" - one would dare not break the queue..

I pulled out my mumbai mirror and chose to wait rather than scamper into the 7.04 pm local to Andheri ... (all this was happening to me at 7.00 pm).. that i noticed a small boy dressed in a rather large baniyan , begging a man who was gloriously sipping his tea : behold.. the child was not begging him for alms.. he was begging him to give him the last sip of tea remaining in his cup...

As i closely looked at the child, i noticed that he had a sweet face, beautiful almond shaped eyes and is covered with dirt all over, scratching his head and begging with his other free hand... the man shooed him away but persistent to the hilt is what kept that child there... On one hand, here i am standing in the queue waiting for my turn, and there i see a child begging for a sip of tea. When the child realised that he had failed, he turned to large bin next to the stall, assured that the bin would not shoo him away and started collecting all the cups which had some leftovers..

He was making his own cocktail of beverages.. my heart went out to the child..

Behind me i had two well dressed, well educated gentleman sneering at the child, and telling themselves where our country is headed to... i thought.. " truly where is our country headed to..?"

Is it the childs fault that he is forced to rummage the bin to have his sip of tea? Is it the childs fault that he was born in poverty ? Is the childs fault that he is forced to have intoxicants in one hand and beg with the other??? It is sad, but this is the shocking fact of today, the pillars of tomorrow are wasting away in the streets with fevicol and ganga laden pieces of cloth, sniffing them intermittently to get a high and kill their hunger...

Having all the mind to question the men and finally deciding not to talk to the largest variety of nincompoops, i walked upto the stall and purchased 2 cups of hot chocolate and gave one to the child and holding the other one in my hand, i walked upto the platform to take the 7.13 local to Andheri.

Though i was glad that i had purchased a cup of hot chocolate for the child, a rather disturbing thought crossed my mind.. did i just spoil the child by getting him hot chocolate?? Would he be tempted to steal money for a cuppa hot chocolate or would he try to work for it... i was sure that he would choose the first option...

With my mind racing with thoughts of what i should have done/ what ought to be done... i got into the ladies first class, just to enter into another world of expressions, thoughts and struggles. I found my seat and leaned against the window listening to my ipod ( my best pal these days) and dozed off.. still happy that i made the childs night.. even if it is just a night...

All that came to my mind is .. "Oh darling.. yeh hai India... Mera Bharat Mahan"

Till next time.. happy reading

Ladies- I CLASS...

2007-11-24T21:41:00.000-08:00

Platform number paanch par aane wali gaadi, aath bajkar chaar minute ki churchgate jaane wali jalad……..” these announcements become part and parcel of evry commuters life while working in Mumbai. It is amazing to see the number of people exiting from the trains and running to their respective offices and viceversa. The peak times and the lull times are common in any station.

The ladies first class compartment is a sparce bogie on the local trains as well and the earlier luxurious compartment, now gets packed like mustard seeds in a bottle. Well.. almost so. Women from different streams of lifestyle.. different areas of work/ levels of stress/ pressure in their lives enter into the train.. What entails most often is a clash of thoughts if one crosses another ones path or tries to find way into safety within the compartment.

One could call it a kind of stress buster when you shout and argue with a complete stranger, because it does not matter who you have been rude to and it does not matter if that person has felt bad about it. All that matters is that you have removed your frustrations on a person and that makes you lighter.. .. what a weird world we live in these days!!!

Last evening, while traveling alone back home, blissfully unaware of who’s near me and who’s quarelling.. ( thanks to my ipod that gives me company) I suddenly spotted a lady sitting in the corner of the second half, looking out the window, hearing music and eyes moist.. my heart went out to her.. it is amazing how women can compress all the feelings inside oneself and feel like a pressure cooker ready to give out steam, but still smile and work and put up with all the shit.. that she takes. ( Pardon my slang .. but I guess that’s the word that strikes ones mind, when you see someone in distress) Well clad and petite, she was a beauty to the sore eye.. and it was not a nice feeling to see her suffer silently sitting by the window and having her troubles come out of her eyes… there was a feeling of helpness in me…

Is she going through what I felt a few days back.. it is so hard to detach oneself from emotions.. there are times when all of them just get back to you and the feeling is so overwhelming that it cannot be controlled…. As I glanced around to see who else shared the same space.. I found sweet little girl chatting away with her mom and my thoughts raced to Trisha… Trisha my life.. my doll… my love and everything.. and I prayed that she grows up fast and becomes my friend…

By now, the lady was recuperating from the sudden burst of emotions that she felt.. it is hard fact but it is true and every human needs to master the art of detachment. It is a conditioning of the mind that associates itself to the best or the worst happenings in ones life and all that surrounded the event at that time become the conditions to recreate the same situation… and when one faces them, it is like reliving the same day/ the same moment and successfully detaching oneself from these conditional items is a tough task… but not impossible….

People come, make a mark in ones life/ people leave without a trace.. just like that and I sit wondering as to what did I do??? In the recent past I have been troubled by this question way too often.. trying to seek answers to why some people in my life just detached themselves in such a shoddy way that it becomes difficult to comprehend, assimilate and change accordingly.. because you don’t know “ WHAT THE HELL YOU HAVE DONE???”

The best out of it as I realized was to just shut oneself out of the complete thought.. may be shed a few tears and bury the person/ image forever and for mental satisfaction.. lay an epitaph calling all of those collective bunch of people/ circumstances as “IDIOCRACIES of the MIND” and flush them out of your system.. I guess I have partially achieved that.. ( Kudos to you Priya…!!) One needs to pat oneself on their backs for good job done.. and am sure that all of you who read this will agree to me

Life goes on.. circumstances/ events and people will come… it is like the first class that one chooses to live in.. but it is impossible to find luxury at every stage in life.. there will be times of distress/ pain and sheer happiness.. we need to maneuver our lives and take complete charge of it…

So this is the note to all my friends…

Life is the first class compartment
You wait for one….
You are cheated by one…
You finally get one…

Live on
Laugh on …..and life will be yours forever…

Till next time… happy traveling………………

Games of the Mind

2007-10-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Love, hate, cheat, trust, lies.. all are fragments of the small human mind. The phrase "small human mind" is an oxymoron as the human mind is not small, but can eventually end up thinking and acting so small that one starts wondering that the large mind is truly small.....

Relationships / feelings/ emotions are all part and parcel of the same mind matter that one tries to grab and never leave. In the midst of keeping and accumulating, we lose so many things that it is difficult to realise and the day the realisation dawns, it becomes difficult to accept and then the mode of depression sets in.

When any of us are in confused state of mind, we tend to try and find a soul mate, now how the soul mate wishes to respond is solely on that person, be it genuine or false/ but at that juncture one tends to totally trust that entity and a relationship is created. Some of these relations are very hard to explain, for these are relations whose foundation may be strong, but do not still know what direction the structure has to be built will always be in a state of flux.... The worry that will then always remain is that in the garb of building and maintaining, the relationship may just fall .... and this makes the human mind behave in an insecure way that is difficult to comprehend.

Have been writing on the human mind lately and this is the third part to the first two. Feelings/ emotions have been taking me on a roller coaster ride lately and in trying to untangle the knots and clarify my mind, the realisations that come are penned down in the blog. Am sure a lot of you will be able to synchronise and echo my thoughts..

In all this what we need to understand and tame is the mind, because once tamed, it is your slave otherwise it is a very dangerous proposition to be enslaved by the mind...

Think about it...

New lesson....

2007-10-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

Trisha.. Trisha..... Trisha... my life is just Trisha and Trisha now.... today she did something really really splendid and i am amazed at the rate at which children learn and teach elders...

While watching TV, i generally hold Trisha towards me so that she does not get a chance to see the idiot box. However, i was watching the news and had my eyes glued to the TV. Our lady, was fiddling my T shirt, my earring, pulling my hair and scratching my ears too... I still managed to set my eyes on the TV.

The minute she realised that she is losing the game.... she does not shout or cry for attention, instead, she lifts herself up and tilts her head and looks straight into my eye, blocking the view of the TV... giving me that impish look that.... " do you realise that i am smarter" and then breaks into an amazingly beautiful smile...

She looked at me as if she realised what i was going through and as if she had taken it on herself to make me laugh.. and truly she managed it... When i tried to test her by looking otherways.. she followed me and kept looking straight into my eye and continued the impish smile....

Persistence pays... and i yielded....

Love you Trisha... you made my night...

The Duo

2007-10-01T06:52:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA... laughter is the best medicine.... yes true, infact this has more meaning, if, in the course of life, one is able to laugh at oneself before anyone mocks at you. Thats when we have succeeded in living up to this saying..

I was trying to teach my daughter the same.. was trying stunts with the camera... and tried self clicking our snap together... and the result is--- the photo looks like an oil painting...

When i saw the snap again, all that came into my mind was that, this is a true fact of life as well... what ever we are, our lives are finally painted much in advance by a super power. Not that i want to give the super power a face or a structure.... but one thing is certain, if we try, we can help make a nice picture of the painting...

Sure that we make a great duo.. Trisha and myself.. there is a whole life ahead of us and we shall be best of friends.. that is one thing i am sure of... while taking this snap, i tried my best to urge Trisha to smile.. but she was way too perplexed with my endeavour, that she just chose to observe....Some day in the years to come, Trisha will also be able to laugh these days off.. when both of us looked like jokers to each other and helped each other bring a smile to our faces....

Life is a hope today, a hope for a better and peaceful tomorrow... a tomorrow where we will be able to sit along with each other and talk things over... laugh issues off and see the brighter side of what life has given us.....

In my last post, i had mentioned the human mind, this can be a corollary to the same as how one wishes to see life is nothing but a matter of mind and the clearer we are able to be, the better we will be able to project ourself and the faster we will be able to say HAHAHAHAHA and get on with life...

Truly... Cheeni Kum

2007-09-26T06:06:00.000-07:00

Remember the movie that we went to rekindle and ignite the passion.... yeah.. right... cheeni kum... i was glad and happy that somewhere the right start is being made again.... now it is truly " cheeni kum" - a realisation that had been in my sub conscious mind that life is devoid of respect, dedication and value from the quarters one needs them the most.... the only difference being that today someone has stood up to it..

The feeling of referring to oneself as a third person is really interesting as you actually take yourself out of that person and see oneself.... Do all of us live lives or rather.. do all of us know what we want in life??? We tend to attribute everything to the human mind.. which is so abstract... have we understood the meaning of the so often used term??

This is the question that i ask myself today??? Is it a fragment of my thought and expression and a need to rekindle which made has made me feel the way i am feeling today?? .........." Thats a human mind" ... what does one mean by it... ???

Do the people who say it understand what a human mind is, or is a mere phrase which is used by the knowlegdeable and the nincompoops alike?? Not something that one would want to accept soon.. unless someone dwells and ponders on it. In all this there is truth in the fact that in any closely knit relation, if one heart bleeds, many others will bleed with it.. then does the human mind know how to react?? (Oopss... too heavy)

Let me answer that one... the phase of life that is on... feels like i am boiling on a hot pan.... know for certain that all close to me are also feeling the same way.. so how does the mind react, rather what is the role of the so common human mind?? The tempers run high....trying to establish peace... one just ends up in a lot of volcanic eruptions in the bargain....the fact remains- is it all really worth it

Not that my mode has changed to that of a cowardice.. "if one may call it so", but it is swinging between the modes of triumph and failure- it is okay if we feel only failure or only triumph but.... one of the worst emotions to face is "Knowing that you are victorious, triumph is at your door, but is veiled in failure..."

This blog.. inlaws and outlaws started when the human mind of certain in and out laws did not know how to behave and today .... we still dont know.... how this mind will react??

Unfortunately- all of us still want to believe that we know the human mind.. when in reality.. nobody does... we only want to know our emotions.....So where are we heading to as a human race????

A valid question to ponder on.. as far as the mind is concerned...

Shall definitely continue.. this... till then.. think!!!!

WOH DIN LAUTA DO....

2007-07-03T02:03:00.000-07:00

The pitter patter rain on my balcony and the wet feeling under my feet took me back 20 years into one of the summer vacations that we had spent in Trivandrum. Trivandrum, now known as Thiruvananthapuram was our home town and every summer vacation we used to be there. Rains, no rains, the feeling of walking bare foot on the wet mud in the garden; the splendid endeavours of trying to be the mini hero amongst my friends and above all the hot maladus and boli that grandmom and mom used to prepare.

Seeing the water logging in front of our building, i could see the tiny priya run back into the house to fetch some newspaper... my sister used to then make boats out of them and we used to sail the boats in the water... WHAT FUN... PLAIN, SIMPLE Fun.. no strings attached. I long to get back to that life...

I could distinctly hear my granddad call out to me.. " Anga pogathey" , meaning, "dont go there" for fear that i might fall ill after getting wet in the rain. The only way i could appease grand dad was to say a yes, immediately back out, earn a good name and then ask him to buy a special plant for us.. it is called "Chodaku". Not many of us know that now. This plant has the flowers that fall out of the stem like small pitchers. One has to blow air into these pitchers and hold the tip of the flower tight and break the air in your palm or any other surface. The sound that it emanated was "SHHODAAKK" and hence the name...

Those days.. those days... "woh din kya the". The past comes back, especially when one knows that we cannot live those carefree lives again. Is this a fact that we yearn for things that we can never get??? Hope not. Because living in a dream is fatal especially if the dream falls flat on ones face...

When i sit back, relax over my hot cuppa tea, i sometimes feel like singing this to life:
" Kya se kya ho gaya ....bewafa .. " and here the one that is ditching us is life.. that we most lovingly hold on to...

Still.. i would end this post mentioning that.. Life is like MUSIC... We have to play on and am sure we will succeed at the end, even if there are pauses and slow numbers in the opera.

FULL CIRCLE... A ZERO??? HA

2007-06-29T03:55:00.000-07:00

When does life come a full circle??? Rather what do we mean by full circle in life? The situations that life has taken me through in the past few months has forced me to sit today, right now and publish this article. It has become way too important for me to download my emotions in writing so that my mind is lighter.

FULL CIRCLE- can we call it circle of life or is that life takes us in circles once a while? While thinking about the conversation i had with my husband today afternoon, my mind started questioning me.. what is the gain in all this? Why am i putting myself through all the nonsense that i am facing right now..? Is there a universal right or wrong? Not that i am concluding that there isnt any, but the fact remains that how many people in life does one meet where wavelengths and thoughts match and are coherent.

"I will choose my partner in life" , this was a statement that i used to make to my parents; very often; as the realisation had dawned early on me, that my thought process, my principles and my behaviour has to be understood completely by my life partner. My biggest nightmare being, what if: these are not understood some day.... it is a web of questions in my mind... what if my better half stops relating to me??? Gosh! That could be the worst day/i might do something very drastic then...

Todays discussion and argument pertained to an act by someone i consider close... correction .. "considered close" and his opinion on the same. It is unfortunate that he cannot give me a direct opinion as he will never face the consequences of a direct talk. That leaves me in dire straits. I am always left to fight my battle/ take my decisions and lead to my conclusions. These are stress pills for life.. Woosh!! writing all this is making me tired.. imagine reading this and trying to assimilate it.... Impossible....

The story of inlaws and outlaws will always remain... the back stabbing and the fact crushing attitude is ever prevalent and am quite sure that the story will continue in generations to come. What surprises me is that when it comes to "IN" laws for own family members then acts change/ rules and laws change... HA! that is the irony of life and the biggest one of them all..

This understanding and truth will take time to seep into me.. and for me to accept it means i have to start reconsidering my relations to the people whom i have considered close to me in the past...

Let me wish myself luck as this journey will begin tonight...

Cheeni Kum... the right way to begin....

2007-06-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

After a long long time, we decided to watch a movie together... "just the two of us" to spend quality time, relive some past emotions... and we required a movie which would be romantic, passionate, fun and above all have the importance of relationships in it, and a stroke of luck as one may term it.. we landed with a movie that gave us two hours and twenty minutes of love, passion and plain simple fun.

Should i term it a great movie or a good movie..??
It is while thinking about this ... i had a flash of a thought in my mind and i bumped into the vicious barrage of questions that my mind was waiting to throw on me. Did we find it a great movie because it was really an awesome one, or was it because that somewhere down the line there was a feeling within the two of us that we need time for ourselves. Is it this thought that ?made us enjoy the movie more passionately than ever???

Life is an alley of different emotions, instances and episodes. Though our nuptial did bind us into one, it soon got stranded with a whole lot of responsibilities that took us through some of the roughest patches of our lives.

Last night, we wanted to rekindle the emotions which had been buried by us somewhere in the course of time.. and "Cheeni Kum" was the right way to start it.

In all this it would be unfair not to give the artists the due for their work. Both AB and Tabu have done splendidly well and kudos to their acting the simple movie has turned out to be one to reckon with.

Let me end today by quoting a verse for my husband...from yet another epic of a movie Parineeta.. meaning married woman..

"saansein yeh teri hain
dhadkan bhi teri hain
jeevan yeh tera hua
tere hi choone se
tan man saja mera
hui main parineeta"

Life is a (P)itch... OOpss

2007-06-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

Life is a pitch.. this is a book that i started today and while i was glancing at the pages i realised that there is somuch more to life than what we think it is... here i am forced to quote Shakespeare:

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
..................
Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

It is so true in todays world.. every one is a lone survivor.. and rightly said so..
What if the last scene as quoted by Shakespeare comes in ones life early.. too early that we are caught between the love to live and the urge to go.... ?? It is the worst phase of ones life..

Though i do not like to cavil about petty issues.. life is sometimes fraught with so many twists and turns that my mind feels like a crushed piece of paper. How does it feel to be let down so often by people whom you love, rather let me rephrase.. how would it feel if one were to be let down often by people whom we consider love us?? Love diminishes... (BAH) i guess everything diminishes into the last line of what Shakespeare says... life becomes sans everything..

Often i am engulfed with that thought - " Am i rotting/ dying from within" - i have my mind squeal out to me... "Not yet" - HAHAHAHA.. not yet.. that was the answer till yesterday.. today my mind squealed out me... "Dont know"
Though i am not sure of what my mind wanted to convey.. i am certain that some part of me is washed away today. It is too early to comment.. what i am "sans of" but am sure in days to come i shall realise it...

" All the world is a stage... and Life's a (P)itch where we play".... (P) or (B)... all seems true to me today.....

2007-06-09T04:01:00.000-07:00

What should one answer when you are confronted with the question of “How are you?” When there is turmoil in the mind / pain in the body and sorrow in ones soul.. what should be the answer?? That is my question to my mind and I am probing for the answers…

It is very easy in life to pin point a mistake to some one else and feel successful about it and there are also times that whatever you have done.. to prove you are right… to understand a miscommunication.. one still feels lost and hopeless and tries to free oneself from the shackles of pain and anxiety… but alas I really doubt if in so much thought/ pain and sorrow.. one is ever successful to overcome these thoughts… in the end you feel like a mockery… you feel like a fool perched on a glorious throne of madness and chaos… that is how one often feels when you are let down by a dear one.... could be anybody...just anybody whom we conside close to our heart..

A simple communication/ a gross misunderstanding/ clashing egos and pain about ones future…. A bag of mixed emotions.. not from one side but from both the sides.. results in incoherent talks and discussions.. at the end of it all one feels.. is it really fruitful?

Some times the question of “what are living for ???” strikes more than once and at the end of a debacle.. my mind still does not have an answer and all effort looks futile…. What I fail to understand in all this is – how far have we progressed as humans..can one person be more far fetched in thought and action than an another?.. I fail to perceive such a situation because how much ever one contemplates to look beyond time .. if the other half.. bitter or better as you may term it… is not going to perceive like you.. the effort is futile and reduced to ash…

Incidents leave an imprint in the minds of those who value the right to their living in this world. As complicated as this may sound is how complicated a human mind works.. sometimes.. i wonder.. .. are we in this matrix of emotions and thoughts because we love it.. definitely not and may be yes....

Today my father.. my appus as we fondly call him is having half his mind on some issues which are eating him up... Was all his sacrifice worth it??? People stand up and talk to him because he has always believed that silence will do him good... Does silence really do good...

One side of my brain does want to believe that all this discussion is futile.. but just the other side wants to debate that not all battle is won with mere silence....

As i am trying to collate my expressions/ thoughts/ emotions.. just a line comes to my mind..
" What is life full of care.. we have no time to stand and stare"

With this closing thought.. i end my entourage at the moment.. with a promise that i shall be adding on it everyday....