Inner Coaching

We've moved!

2012-06-17T16:56:00.000+02:00

You can now find the Inner Coaching blog on our new website, in our articles on how to change your life section.

Check us out there and let us know what you think.

7 Principles to Win People's Cooperation

2010-09-06T16:34:00.000+02:00

Chris Witt believes that real leaders don't do powerpoint, and that influencing your followers is far more powerful than using authority. He outlines 7 principles to persuade others to cooperate with you, and do what you want them to do. These points are useful reminders in winning over people.

They cover making them feel understood, listening to them and not arguing. A key part of building rapport is also finding common ground with the person, which is another point that Chris makes. He says you also need to care about the person you want to influence and show them that change is possible. Timing of your request is crucial too, so finding moments of influence is key to getting your outcome.

Read the full article here.

10 Nonverbal Communication Tips

2010-09-06T11:30:00.000+02:00

Non verbal communication is a huge part of getting your message across, or understanding what another person is trying to tell you. This article summarises the top 10 nonverbal communication points that you need to keep in mind, when wanting to improve your communication. The key points are:

Pay Attention to Nonverbal Signals
Look for Incongruent Behaviors
Concentrate on Your Tone of Voice When Speaking
Use Good Eye Contact
Ask Questions About Nonverbal Signals
Use Signals to Make Communication More Effective and Meaningful
Look at Signals as a Group
Consider the Context
Be Aware That Signals Can be Misread
Practice, Practice, Practice

Go here for the full article.

Reading takes you places

2010-05-25T23:34:00.000+02:00

I often ask myself, and sometimes people I meet, what the leverage point is in our country? If there was a difference that would make all the difference what would it be? What's the one thing that if we got it right, it would shift things in a positive way, it would move us forward towards more mastery and fulfilment?

I always find the replies I get fascinating. And what's even more interesting, is education comes up most often.

My next question is then what specifically in Education is our leverage point to make the difference that would make all the difference? The answers vary.

Tonight though, I got an answer not from directly asking my leverage question, but from listening to the extensive research Dr Lilli Pretorius is doing at UNISA around reading.

Her talk at the Origins Centre at Wits University was entitled "Reading: the means to a transformed mind and changed brain."

What stood out for me is how reading is a 'new' skill for humankind, in that it is only 4000 years old, and it is not a genetic or biological factor like language is. Reading is a skill that has to be learnt for the specific neural pathways required for reading to be formed. Through the process of learning to read, the brain is literally re-wired and new areas of specialisation are formed. They don't naturally form, as the connections for language do. And the more you practice reading, the more these connections are developed.

Dr Pretorius also mentioned how literacy, specifically reading, has also been shown to be the foundation of all formal education, in that writing and even numerical literacy improve as and when reading improves.

The data on how our children in South Africa are performing when it comes to reading is quite startling. In one study of Grade 4 and 5's, 78% of the learners did not meet minimum standards. In another international study, South Africa came 8th out of 14 countries in terms of literacy scores. These kinds of results are an indictment of our education system- not of our children- and how our system of education is failing them in giving them what, in our world today, is the basis of formal education and the information age: the ability to read.

Dr Pretorius went on to say that the tipping point is going to be in the classroom. And as early as possible. It sounds like as the brain ages, so it takes a lot more effort to re-wire and develop the much needed connections for the first component of reading to become automatic, which they called 'decoding'. Without this foundation step in place, any of the higher levels of comprehension and response to the information being read, are thwarted.

Her suggestions include making books more accessible, creating the opportunities for children to read, and inspiring them to read. We also need to be building our teachers capacity and parents interest, so that they are knowledgeable about reading and how reading extended texts, such as stories, help to not only rewire the brain to develop the skill, but also becomes a vehicle for transforming minds.

As I thought about publishing this on my blog and on Facebook, I thought too that the entire mechanism of blogging and Facebook is based on our ability to read. How lucky am I, and you who read this, to have a brain that was rewired so many years ago, such that we take it for granted that we can decode and comprehend these symbols. We so often forget that the most powerful learning tool we have, we were not born with. How liberating it is to know that the ability to read is available to anyone who experiences the opportunity to rewire their brain. And with that, can read a bit of text that can lead to "a leap into transcendence" (A. Rich).

So, anyone for a story?

NOTE: I'll be collecting books for the 'Bookshelf Project' run by Chris Dykes, to help create these opportunities and the much needed inspiration for children less fortunate than I was, to rewire their brains, so that they too can one day take their ability to read for granted. If you'd like to get involved, get in touch :)

Inner Coaching on SABC TV

2009-11-18T22:29:00.000+02:00

After having held the Premiere for the onematchstick Movie on Sunday night, in which I am the main character, I got a call on Monday afternoon asking me if Inner Coaching would be willing to be interviewed on SABC News International the next morning about coaching. Quite a co-incidence that I get to be on TV again. ;)

So on Tuesday I headed off to the SABC studios in Auckland Park. While waiting to be called into the studio, I got talking to Ngila Michael Muendane of Soul Talk, who I found out was being interviewed right after me. He's a fascinating man, in that he is involved is so many personal development programmes, and has a big heart for South Africa.

We got called in, and first stop was for a make up touch up- even Ngila had his turn while I was led through to meet the beautiful news presenter Mapaseka Mokwele.

We had a lovely chat about what coaching is and the benefits of having a coach. I've since read that Mapaseka is an iconic woman, who's been in broadcasting for many years, and part of her career was as the newsreader for Metro FM. She's a voiceover artist too and owner of Bashumi Consulting, a recruitment company. She's living her dream working in entertainment, and particulary broadcasting after giving up her previous career in IT.

After listening to Ngila being interviewed about motivation and finding your purpose, he and I left teh studio and went back into the world to carry on our work.

Thanks SABC News International for the opportunity.

Written by Telana Simpson

The interview is being flighted on 31 December at 1:30 am, SABC 2.
(Photo courtesy of http://www.in.voicespro.com)

Brains follow directions perfectly

2009-10-13T00:12:00.000+02:00

Listening to Echkart Tolle speak about how consciousness is transmitted (click here to see the video clip), reminded me about why I am so selective of what news I listen to and which newspapers I read, if I read them at all.

Consciousness is catchy. And to add to this fact, our brains follow directions.

Think about it this way: if you feed your stomach something harmful, it throws it back up. Your stomach has quality control mechanisms that will literally expel anything that is toxic. Your brain doesn’t though. What ever you "feed" your brain, it just takes it in and follows those directions you (or the media) give it.

Read more about this in my latest Inner Coaching newsletter here.

Our values and Life-Balance

2009-08-11T12:57:00.000+02:00

In Inner Coaching's latest newsletter, the theme was on Balance, and finding balance between work and life. I challenged the traditional view of life balance by sharing Dr Linda Friedland's view that balance is more about going full on for a while, followed by periods of rest and recovery. (read more here)

Balance is also very much related to our values:

Any time you separate space and time you create a mental void. Whatever you perceive as most separated, voided or missing becomes most important to you. You are therefore driven to fulfill these voids. The hierarchy of your values (what is most important to you) determines your destiny; so your destiny is based upon the hierarchy of your voids (the things you perceive most missing).- Dr John Demartini

In the first video, Dr Demartini explains more on our hierarchy of values, and uses relationship as an example of how this works.

In the second video, Dr Demartini talks about how your financial destiny is related to the hierarchy of your values. Using money as an example, Demartini explains how we spend out time and energy in life according to our values.

So when we talk about work-life - balance, we are actually talking about our value system. And if we feel our work-life balance is 'out', as in we don't have balance, it is likely that our we are not living congruently with our values. Every time we try to do something that doesn't match our values, we feel an incongruence and experience feeling out of balance. When our values and our actions are congruent, we experience fulfilment and that can leave us feeling like our life is in balance.

The Power of Emotions

2009-05-20T12:22:00.000+02:00

In my latest newsletter I talk about Trust. Trust is an emotional state, made up of thoughts, feelings and beliefs that translate into actions and experiences.

In this 10 minute long video clip, Greg Braden talks about the power of emotions and the latest research that shows how they affect our world. What we choose to feel changes our chemistry in our body and affects our reality. A pertinent message is that we can use emotions to transform our experience of life.

As a colleague who directed me to this video put it: Emotions are a "cutting edge human technology that is accessible to everyone for personal development. We all have emotions and they are not there to taunt us, but to be a tool (just like the mind) for our growth. The best things in life are free.

"Based on discoveries made through neural mapping of the limbic system, the neurobiological explanation of human emotion is that emotion is a pleasant or unpleasant mental state organized in the limbic system of the mammalian brain. If distinguished from reactive responses of reptiles, emotions would then be mammalian elaborations of general vertebrate arousal patterns, in which neurochemicals (e.g. dopamine, noradrenaline, and serotonin) step-up or step-down the brain's activity level, as visible in body movements, gestures, and postures. In mammals, primates, and human beings, feelings are displayed as emotion cues." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion"

Enjoy the clip:

Europe coaching trends

2009-03-25T16:03:00.005+02:00

A colleague forwarded a link to this short article on the latest trends in coaching emerging from Europe. Interesting to note that coaching over the phone is growing in popularity and that coaching is seen to ensure sustainability of training, and hence being integrated into seminars.

New Coaching Trends - by Ralf Borlinghaus of Bora Consulting

On March 13 2009 I was invited to join the first Coaching Day of Deutsche Bahn AG in Berlin. About 30 internal Management Developers and external coaches met in order to get to know each other and to share experiences. As two main topics two impulse lectures were held about New Coaching Trends in general and TeleCoaching as Paradigm Shift in particular - the latter provided by BORA.

Later on these inputs were discussed and amended in a workshop under the label Coaching 2.0. The defined theses seem to be so interesting and worth to be summarized and reported to you:

Management and administration of coaching-services will be more and more outsourced to globally operating external service provider.

Clients' professional expectations in terms of education and experience of employed coaches will increase.

Coaching will be more and more regarded as personal incentive to support once personal development and success instead of being a secret operation.

Global operating networks will have clear competitive advantage compared to single operating coaches.

In a flexible and decentralized working environment the phone is going to get the status of main coaching infrastructure.

The confusing and unstructured coaching market will be consolidated. To enter the market will be more difficult for new coaches.

Seminars and Coaching will be connected to new training formats. Integration of coaching sessions in seminars ensures sustainability.

Due to permanent internal change processes there will be an increased need for team coaching.

Coaching will become an area of investment even in times of crises in order to strengthen leaders' coping capabilities.

In order to secure or to improve their performance level more and more employees will be ready to buy coaching services with private money in the future.

The Secret to Resilience

2009-03-20T13:35:00.008+02:00

"Life is difficult."

That's the opening paragraph in the book "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck.

The second paragraph starts:

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Yet even if this fact no longer matters, it is still a fact- that life can be very difficult at times. One resource that is most useful to us is our ability to be resilient, our ability to bounce back after a difficult patch and keep living our life to the full. And a great thing about resilience is that it can be developed and cultivated.

One of the key aspects of resilience is ego-strength, which is our ability to face reality as it is. This is when we can accept what is- just accept that this is the current status of our life, without necessarily liking it, just acknowledging that this is how it is right now. When we have a strong ego strength, we are more able to take effective actions and handle what life throws at us.

We also need to develop an optimistic frame of mind. This is not just positive thinking. It's more the opposite of "learned helplessness", a concept that Martin Seligman developed. When a person has learned to be helpless, they usually see the difficulty in life as personal (it becomes a problem about them themselves), pervasive in space (it affects everything in their life) and permanent in time (it is unchangeable and insurmountable). A resilient person, on the other hand, has developed the optimistic way of looking at things, in that they can distinguish the difficulty as being external in source (as in about "that", not about "me"), temporary and happening now, and specific to a particular context.

With this optimistic frame of mind, and remembering to keep our self esteem unconditional and in tact, we are more able to not take things personally. This, together with stepping back to get a larger perspective, helps us to bounce back after a set back.

Another component is our trust in and ownership of our abilities. We have four ways, powers or abilities in which we can respond to something. These are our thoughts, our feelings, our words and how we language something, and our ability to take action. When we understand that it is within our control to give an event meaning (through our ability to think and language something), we can then choose what meaning to give to the situation, so that it can lead us to take effective action. This leaves us in a place of feeling in control and at choice. And it's much easier to bounce back when we feel we have the ability and choice to do so.

In a nutshell then, being resilient involves facing the set back and accepting the loss or hurt involved. It includes working through the coping process, by applying an optimistic frame of mind to it, stubbornly refusing to make it personal, and getting some perspective by seeing it in the greater scheme of things. It then also involves the come back- where you remember what is within your control, and give the setback a meaning that allows you to take action and bounce back.

And with that secret to resilience in your tool kit for life, the difficulties of life need not keep you down.

To you being resilient,
Telana

Contact Telana Simpson, Personal and Communication Coach, to be coached to increasing your resilience.

Stress and Social Status

2009-03-20T13:06:00.005+02:00

Inner Coaching is working with the Energy modality of BodyTalk to get results that are more sustainable and impact more areas of clients' lives.

Andrea Carter, a CBI & MindScape Instructor from Calgary, Canada talks about how our social status is connected to stress levels. Mindscape is a course that is part of the BodyTalk System, and is a compilation of meditation, martial arts theory and psychology.

Stress and Social Status: The connection is astounding!
By Andrea Carter

It is a known fact that animals in the wild use hormones called adrenaline and glucocorticoids in order to survive. Humans also have these same hormones, although usually not in as high a dosage because we don’t live in the wild... or do we?

Current research is finding that humans now appear to have the same level of these hormones circulating through their systems, (the same amounts as animals do when attacking or fleeing from being attacked), on a regular basis. When these hormones are this high within a human's body, they will shut down all other systems (particularly the immune system, reproductive system, and digestive system), allowing the body to become vulnerable to illness and disease.

Studies began over 22 years ago with Dr. Robert Salpolsky from Stanford University. It began with the interest in social behavior of baboons, and what was found was that baboons are much like humans. There is always a ranking of who is the leader with baboons, (much like how we operate at work – president, senior staff, intermediate staff and entry level staff), and this ranking in baboons determines who is able to mate, attack, undermine, and lead. Yet what was completely unexpected was the blood work from the baboons of the highest rankings showed the least amount of stress hormones within the blood stream, and the lower the ranking got (our level of entry level staffing), the higher the stress hormones rose.

Prof. Sir Michael Marmot took these findings and then applied them to a study in the UK, performed with over 28,000 participants all within the British Civil Service, (the reason this is noteworthy is because all of these people would have the same access to health care and are in the same field; the only thing that changed is their ranking within the Service). What was also incredible was that the results from this study matched the previous one! The higher one ranked within the Civil Service, the lower the amount of stress hormones found. The lower one ranked in the British Civil Service, the higher the amount of stress hormones discovered. The other amazing finding was that those who were the lowest on the hierarchical ladder were also the ones who had the highest risk of heart disease, obesity, disease, infertility, ulcers, and a decreased length of life.

Ulcers were also at one point mainstreamed to be medically correlated to stress. In the mid 90's Australian researchers found a bacteria that was directly correlated to ulcer growth, discrediting the original correlation with stress. Recently it has been found that 2/3 of the world's population has the same bacteria at all times, yet only a small grouping of this population have ulcers. So why do people get ulcers? Research revealed that when stressed, our bodies start shutting down all nonessential systems including our immune systems. When the immune system is lowered, our stomach bacteria runs wild!

Ultimately stress is what wipes your body's ability to repair itself, lowering the ability for other systems to functions at their natural capacity. Interestingly, the other factor from the initial two studies was one's perception of how they ranked in the hierarchy. The common perception was that the lower one ranked, the more the individual had to think about, worry about, and stress over. In having more issues to think about, one's ability to focus on the important aspects in life, (such as family, passions, health), were diminished and replaced with mundane disorderly thought patterns. These thought patterns then create an overwhelming sense of a lack of control, thereby increasing stress levels. Once these stress levels are reached, the body begins the innate cycle of shutting down the other systems, focusing on survival.

The key to our health in the future is to understand how to reduce stress, and realign these systems that have been shut down. That's where BodyTalk comes in...

Are you an over educated under achiever?

2009-02-23T15:15:00.003+02:00

Now's the time to dare to take the drivers seat of your life and go on a journey of discovery that will unleash your personal power and assist you in overcoming obstacles.

In times of economic challenge, what makes you stand out from others when it comes to getting that job/promotion, or contract/deal? It's YOU! It's how you manage yourself under stress, how you take effective action when others feel paralysed by circumstances beyond their control. It's how you handle emotions and how you present yourself. It’s the personal power that you exude!

Can you tick any of these points?

I'm not in control of my mind and emotions, never mind my life
I need to improve my self esteem and self confidence
My emotions tend to take over me, when I would rather be able to handle them to my advantage
I wish I was more efficient
I tend to sabotage myself, rather than do what I know I need to do
I don't believe in myself enough
I would find it so useful if I had more strength within myself to cope with the demands of my work and life
I need to improve my concentration skills, so I can pay attention more fully when I need to
I feel like a passenger being taken advantage of, when I would rather be in control in the drivers seat of my life
I'd like to turn personal stumbling blocks into stepping stones to feel a sense of empowerment.

If you ticked any of these points, then consider accessing your personal power.

In the Accessing Personal Power 1 day course, you will leave with the benefits of:

Being able to handle your emotions, rather than have them manage you
Having become more proactive
Taking control of your life and stop feeling like a victim to circumstances or others
Becoming more responsible by choice
Improving your self esteem and keeping it high
Developing self confidence
Getting those boring mundane tasks done with a sense of purpose
Knowing how to be intentional when you need to or choose to be
Being able to focus at will (no more need for labelling yourself 'ADD')
Knowing how to run your own brain’s meaning making process, and thus your thoughts
A more optimistic frame of mind and view of your life

In this course we apply the useful and practical techniques from the behavioural sciences to not only learn about but to also integrate your personal powers to become new muscle memories, and hence an integral part of you.

You will leave with an inner sense and knowing that you can make things happen, that you are not a victim of life, that you are at choice and that you have tremendous powers for guiding and architecting your life

The areas we explore in the course are:

Recognizing and owning your personal powers
The power of distinguishing responsibility to and from
The power of acceptance
The power of awe
The power of meaning
The power of permission and embracing
The power of appreciation
The power of intention
The power of focus

You will have the sense that nobody can make you think or feel or say or do anything, that you are the creator of your life and that you have the ultimate human choice- the freedom to determine what you think, feel, say and do.

If this is the sense of empowerment you would like to develop, then please contact us for more information on the course and for the registration form. We only have 6 places left for this course on 28th February.

Guarantee:
All our trainings are fully guaranteed. If by the end of the day you are not fully satisfied, just hand in your manual and we will issue you a full refund. This is how confident we are you will find value in this course!

The details:
FEBRUARY 1 day Accessing Personal Power Course:
Saturday 28th February 2009. 09h00 to 18h00
Venue: Silverwood Manor, Bryanston, Johannesburg

Investment: R1800.00 (incl. VAT)
Includes refreshments, lunch and manual

So, what's even more important that living your life, your way?

Contact us to book your place or for any further information.

What Can Coaches Do for You?

2009-02-13T15:24:00.004+02:00

The Harvard Business Review has an interesting article on coaching (Jan 2009). They carried out a survey of 140 top coaches and had five experts comment on the results. Go here to hear Diane Coutu (Senior Editor) in the ideacast where she talks about the results.

Below are the highlights of the article:

“The coaching field is filled with contradictions. Coaches themselves disagree over why they’re hired, what they do, and how to measure success…

Bottom line: Coaching as a business tool continues to gain legitimacy, but the fundamentals of the industry are still in flux. In this market, as in so many others today, the old saw still applies: Buyer beware!”

I have taken the vow.

2009-01-12T17:55:00.003+02:00

"On November 7, 2008, at 9:45 am, the 500 people attending the Alliance for a New Humanity Human Forum in Barcelona took a vow for non violence in their thoughts, speech and actions. Each person decided to ask other people in their lives to join them in taking the vow."

I have taken this vow, and if you want to help add to reaching a critical mass of people all wanting a world of peace, love and laughter, then add your vow here.

Deepak Chopra took this vow and made it public at the Human Forum. This then has developed into a global movement and the goal is to get 100 million people to make the same commitment.

I found it interesting that the vow was against violence, and not for peace. If you think about it, violence and harmony - war and peace - are two sides of the same coin. Yet the side you look at and focus on, is the side you more often see and experience.

It is important to acknowledge what we don't want in our lives and at the same time to replace it with or focus on what we do want. Our brains follow directions and if we don't give our brains an indication of what we do want, they tend to focus only on what we don't want and create more of that.

So when setting any goals or New Years Resolutions for this year, remember to word the goal in terms of what you DO WANT- that way it is more inspiring and easier for you to create in your life.

Oh, and do take the vow with me! Add your name to help reach the 100 million here on this link.

To you creating what you want this year, including world peace!
Telana

Stress and our Health

2009-01-12T17:25:00.005+02:00

Inner Coaching is working with the Energy modality of BodyTalk to get results that are more sustainable and impact more areas of clients' lives. (This is especially with our Coaching for Excellence DELUXE Programme.) You can read more about this and why we use BodyTalk here

To introduce “The BodyTalk Practice and Training Centre” which is run by Dr Eugene Botha and Nicole Burkhardt, both qualified BodyTalk Practitioners and leaders in their field, we asked them to tell us about stress and it’s impact on our health:

Everyone of us has resigned to stress to a greater or lesser degree as our "inevitable, unwelcome companion". We accept it as the natural by-product of our daily lives in the modern world.

So what if we overreact and go into panic mode when a deadline is near?
So what if we want to ignore our marriage problems?

Everybody does it, don't they? Yes.
This is normal, isn't it? No.

We have a part in our brain the size of an almond, called the amygdala, which is responsible for our fight/flight mechanism since prehistoric times, when we had to decide whether to fight or run away from a tiger before us. At that time the amygdala was working well, and after escaping from the tiger, in the evening we could sit around the campfire and laugh about it, because the amygdala had relaxed and reset itself.

Nowadays we have other stresses, and beside fight/flight we can and often choose a third option, more damaging to our bodies, freeze, and pretend the problem does not exist.

To make matters worse, our amygdalas are so bombarded by stress that they have gone on all our lives without a chance to relax and reset, so our bodies are wearing out, like a car with both the accelerator and the brakes down at the same time.

The stress is turned inwardly, and it damages us enormously, creating new health issues and worsening the ones we have.

Headaches get stronger and more frequent.
Backaches get more painful and cripple us for days.
Heartburn happens more often . . .

HOW CAN THIS BE ADDRESSED?
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE: DAILY (SELF-) TREATMENT OF CORTICES.

This 2 minute technique will over time help the brain to reset the circuits and balance out the amygdala complex as well as improving the communication between the two hemispheres of the brain.

And in addition, BodyTalk sessions will address the underlying causes and related active memories and emotions.

In recent public talks, both Dr John Veiltheim and Dr Eugene Botha have shown how to self-balance the Cortices and the whole audience were taught a new slogan:

"wake up, brush your teeth, do your cortices, start your day. . ."

SO, WANT TO KNOW? If you haven't been taught yet how to Tap out your own/others Cortices, please contact us to find out when the next free public talk will be held in Johannesburg and Pretoria, or make sure to ask at your next BodyTalk appointment!

It is also explained in greater depth very clearly with great visuals in Dr John Veltheim's new book: BodyTalk Access: A new path to family and community health, launched in June 2008.

The BodyTalk Practice and Training Centre offers BodyTalk sessions, as well as training to become a BodyTalk Practitioner or to learn some of the techniques including the ‘Tapping Cortices’ to be used for self treatment ( as in Access Course).
Click here for more info on the Access Course – next one is on 7th February 2009

7 Truths about Emotions

2008-12-05T11:57:00.003+02:00

By Telana Simpson

Meaning doesn't exist. You can't see a chunk of meaning in the fridge. Or trip over a piece of it on the floor.

We as humans though have the cognitive ability to give things meaning. A question that follows is: how do we register meaning then? Or expressed another way: does meaning have a feel to it? How do we know what meaning we have given to some thing or some event? We do so by feeling meaning through our emotions.

If that is the case, then emotions are very useful. They are our body's way of telling us about the meanings we are experiencing or not experiencing. How else would we know if something is an experience we want to repeat or not, if not through the emotions of happiness or sadness etc?

Dr Hall explains emotions as "an action tendency generated by the information in our cortex that activates our motor cortex and other brain structures (amaygdala, thalamus, hypothalamus, adrenal gland, etc)". We experience them as inner urges that propel us to move or change. They are energy in motion: e-motion. Dr Hall further talks of seven key truths about emotions. These are:

1. Emotions measure the difference between our map and territory.
When there is a difference between what we expect (our perceptions, or mental maps) and what we actually got (reality), we experience an emotion that shows us there is a difference. (Read more about this in our previous issue on 'Elusive Happiness')

2. Emotions are processes
Like meaning, you cannot put a chunk of emotion in the fridge. The word 'emotion' describes a process, not a thing. Emotions are activities that go on within our mind and body. Thus they can be produced at any moment, and can change quickly.

3. Emotions are always right
A certain mental map and experience of the world will produce an emotion that is right for that map and experience- it is correct in that it is showing a difference between that map and that experience. Thus no emotion can be wrong (it is more how that emotion is expressed or dealt with that can be considered "wrong" to certain maps)

4. Emotions are just emotions
Emotions are just signals. Thus they are not commands on what to do. Nor are they actual indicators of external reality. All they can be are signals, and thus are completely fallible and not perfect.

5. Emotions are always relative, conditional and liable to error
When dealing with emotions, we need to keep in mind the map and experiences they relate to. They are references to information about how we have mapped things mentally about an experience, and how we sense that experience. Thus to the outside world the emotion can appear to be wrong, and may even show erroneous thinking or reasoning (maps), (yet to that person they are right).

6. Emotions are somatic registering of our meanings
We experience an emotion internally- in our body and can usually indicate where in our body we are experiencing this energy. The more uncomfortable the emotion, the more we try to avoid experiencing that emotion and thus we can see it as a signal to look at our meanings in that situation, to see if they need to be adjusted.

7. Emotions can be responded to in a variety of ways.
We can 'do' a lot with our emotions. We can act on them, or not. We can listen to them, even question them. We can express them, release them, hold onto them, ignore them. The choice is ours, as they are just our signals.

To you using your emotions as signals to navigate through life!
Telana

Reference: Dr Michael Hall. The Ultimate Self-Actualisation Workshop. 2007

Beliefs and Reality

2008-12-05T11:31:00.008+02:00

Dr Elaine Lee talks about the Origins of Man, and why what goes round comes round. Of specific interest is new research into our DNA and how what we think influences what we experience.

Beliefs and Reality
The Origins of Man, and Why what goes round comes round...

Dr Elaine Lee

Where do we come from? Who made us? When? Why?

The fact is, Homo Sapiens is the only new kid on the block. We have blessed ourselves with the name 'wise man' - in fact, Homo Sapiens Sapiens - doubly wise. We obviously think ourselves to be smart! Why then do we have so few answers regarding such questions?

Bill Bryson's book, A Short History of Nearly Everything, makes it very clear that we are a unique species which appeared in a narrow window of opportunity of Earth history. It's actually amazing that we are here!

Modern scientists have spent the last few decades unravelling some of the basic physical secrets of humanity: how the brain functions, and how our biological reality is based on the protein-building blocks encoded in our DNA. Both areas have left us with unanswered questions: given the vast, almost infinite potential of the human brain, why is it so under-utilised? Given that each cell in our body is packed with microscopically small filaments of DNA, (which account for our genetic make-up), why is it that this too seems to be largely useless, in fact described as 'junk'?

While the majority of our species are not overly concerned with such issues, our scientists don't like mysteries. Francis Crick, the scientist who cracked the code of DNA, found it impossible to accept that this complexity came about through 'accident'. Neither could Fred Hoyle, who developed the theory of Panspermia, to account for the origins of the DNA (which remarkably we have in common not only with mammals, but also of insects, bacteria and viruses!). This holds that meteors and comets from outer space were responsible for bringing these basic building blocks of life to Earth.

Yet answers have been provided from ancient times. The earliest civilizations left us evidence carved in stone or clay tablets, which has only been de-coded in comparatively recent times.

Christian O'Brien's book, The Genius of the Few : Founders of the Garden of Eden, Alan Alford's, Gods of the Millennium, Andrew Collins' From the Ashes of Angels, and South African author, Michael Tellinger's recent (2005) Slave Species of the gods, have all been attempts to illustrate with documentary evidence that early civilisations were in fact brought about by extremely sophisticated beings, Nephilim or Anunnaki, whose powers led the indigenous Homo Sapiens crediting them with being 'gods'. Whilst such ideas initially seem bizarre (and are dismissed by many archaeologists out of hand as esoteric) it would seem that the time has come when we have to re-consider our belief systems.

It has always disturbed me that neither historians nor archaeologists have been able to provide satisfactory explanqtions for anomalies such as the ability of 'primitive' man to move from a 'hunter-gatherer' existence in the Ice Age, to the sophistication of building pyramids immediately thereafter!

The abilities demonstrated by the earliest civilizations appeared dramatically. The understanding of astronomy, mathematics, building, and mining techniques demonstrated not only in 'Ancient' Egypt and Sumer, but in South America, China and Korea, are such that only in the past century have we been able to equal or surpass them. Yet in our arrogance, we assume that over the last few hundred years our technological achievements mean we are the pinnacle of human development!

In reality, we are only just beginning to re-gain the knowledge we had over 6,000 years ago. The Book of Enoch was omitted from the Bible - but it is an amazing description of Enoch's visit to "Heaven", with descriptions of technology which could have been 21st century!

The people of the ancient civilisations had few doubts as to who they were, or who had given them these 'skills'. They left us detailed explanations.

Zecharia Sitchin analysed thousands of ancient clay tablets from Sumeria, and there found amazing stories which led him to the conclusion that the early gods were physical beings, who brought us the knowledge on which civilizations were built. These accounts were published in a number of books from 1978 on. He told the story of Enki and Enlil, and the decision of the Council to create a being, a man, who would resemble them and who "will be charged with the service of the gods, that they might have their ease" (Sitchin, The Cosmic Code, p.51).

At first Sitchin's work was met with derision. Yet the stories are not dissimilar to what we read in the Bible: "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness..." "The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it..." (Genesis 1.2-6 and 2.15). In Genesis we also read about the inter-breeding between the 'sons of God and the daughters of men', (Genesis 6.1-4).

At the time of Sitchin's early work, we knew little about cloning, or about genetic modification of plants and animals, and even less of the secrets of DNA. Hence when he claimed that the "Anunnaki" cloned the initial hybrids, and manipulated our DNA, it all seemed far-fetched, 'science fiction'. Now we know that modern scientists are playing 'god' in this fashion!

After the unravelling of the human genome, it was found that only 3% of our DNA is required (coded) for the production of the physical body, and 97% was deemed to be "junk" or non-coded areas . What was its purpose?

Graham Hancock, famed for his work, The Fingerprints of the Gods, has recently published Supernatural, (Century, 2005).. Sub-titled 'Meetings with the Ancient Teachers of Mankind', it is an attempt to explain the 'greatest riddle in human history' - how all the skills and qualities of modern man appeared fully formed, "as though bestowed on us by hidden powers". From the Palaeolithic cave paintings of Europe, to the visionary experiences of shamans and the founders of early religions, he takes us on a journey of discovery.

Hancock points out that one of the most significant aspects connected with DNA, is a strange even mysterious link with the linguistic codes of language. This is a ratio, documented by linguist George Zipf, between the most commonly to least commonly used words. It is common to all languages. Researchers from Boston University and Harvard Medical School examined the DNA sequencing and amongst other things applied the standard linguistic tests to both "coded" (i.e. the basic protein-building blocks that make up our physical being)and "non-coded" areas (the 'junk'). The amazing outcome was that the Zipf law did NOT apply to the coded areas, but DID apply to the "junk" areas! (Hancock, pages 484-5). The October/November issue of Biophile has a similar article: "DNA is influenced by Words and Frequencies", related to Russian DNA discoveries (Biophile, No.24, 2008, p.36).

Our amazing DNA would appear to be a language! But one that we have not yet apparently learnt. Or have we?

It is some years now since the advent of neuro-linguistic programming, NLP, which is based on the premise that our words act as a programme to our brain. Long ago Henry Ford said, "Whether a man says he can, or he can't, either way he's right". This relates to the biblical text: "As a Man thinketh in his Heart, So is He". We become what we believe, and a belief in limits creates limited people.

This is borne out by work done on brain biochemistry, which demonstrates that negative or fear-based thoughts stimulate the production of adrenaline and cortisol. Cortisol is a known neural-inhibitor - that is, it blocks the transmission of neuro-transmitters from one brain cell to another in the neo-cortex.

Our thoughts are both chemical and electrical, and that energy not only influences us at a cellular level, but it radiates out from us to others. Like attracts like - send out waves of negative energy, and it returns. This provides us with an explanation for that other Biblical tenet, "Man attracts that which he fears".

Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

We have been governed by our fears; it is time to eliminate these, and accept our inner power.

A very graphic illustration of this has been provided by the work of Japanese scientist Dr Masaru Emoto. He has worked with photographing crystals formed in freezing water. His initial experiments showed that water from a negative environment reacted completely differently to water from temples and other positive places. The former molecules were misshapen blobs, the latter formed exquisite and unique snowflake-like patterns. His amazing work in subsequent books went further: water placed in containers labelled with positive words similarly resulted in crystals, while that in containers with negative sentiments - I hate you! - resulted in formless, dark shapes (The Hidden Messages in Water).

What are the consequences for us as emotional human beings? We are largely made up of water, and if hate thoughts influence our very basic physical being, we should avoid them! I have tried this with my own students. When someone appears disturbed or angry, I gave them paper cylinders inscribed with the words, Love, Peace, Harmony - and watch the change!

If our expectations are negative, and our words reinforce these, we are contributing to the negative world we live in, governed by fears. Do we want this? If we can accept that we do indeed create our own reality in the sense described in the foregoing, then the challenge is to create the world you want - There's a lot to be said for positive thinking!

Contact us on info@innercoaching.co.za to contact Dr Elaine Lee

Different perspectives for improved communication

2008-08-28T10:58:00.006+02:00

Ever taken a moment to step back and think about how the position from which you are perceiving something is influencing your communication in that moment?

Well I invite you now to take a step back and explore a concept with me in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) called "Perceptual Positions".

We usually just think that what we are seeing is what there is to see from ourperspective. Yet in actual fact, our perspective can come from one of 5 different positions. Each mental position is just a different reference point, much like a different angle of a camera or a different radio station frequency. Each point comeswith its own usefulness and drawbacks.

We unconsciously already use these different mental positions, but by knowing about them we can choose to use them to gain more understanding of a situation, and that often leads to new choices or options being created.

The positions are best explained in the context of a conversation that you have had with another person:

First Position: this is where you are in your shoes, looking out your eyes at the other person. You are experiencing being with this other person, and what you are feeling, seeing and hearing.

Second Position: now you step in the shoes of the other person, looking back at yourself through their eyes. Second position is about experiencing the conversation from the point of view of the other person- what they are seeing and hearing and experiencing as they look back at you.

Third Position: This perspective is like being a fly on the wall or a neutral observer. From there you are gathering information about the interaction between the two people in the conversation- seeing yourself and the other person exchanging words, behaviours and emotions.

Fourth Position: this position gets you to take a step back from the conversation between the 2 people, and see it from the context within which it is happening. It takes into consideration the system within which the interaction is occurring, like the family, business team or community, and brings in information from that system’s perspective.

Fifth Position: When we take a view from way out in the universe, (all the way to be with God if that is your belief) and look back at the conversation way down on earth, we gain another perspective of that interaction.

From each position you gain very different bits of information. And with more information, comes more understanding. Taking any difficult situation through all 5 positions helps to get a more balanced appreciation of that situation.

When it comes to communication, it is often useful to note which position is your default, and likely to be impacting the results you are aiming to achieve. For example, if you are trying to explain a concept from first position, and the person you are explaining to is not able to grasp the concept, by shifting your position to second, or third, you might gain information that will show you what is blocking the person from understanding.

Or if you are mostly in second position to others, it is more useful to step into first position when you need to clearly state your own opinion on a matter, or voice a need or request.

From having the flexibility to shift your perceptual position at will, you will be in a useful space of being able to gain more information about the complexity of a situation. It's then up to you how you use that information to assist in creating more clear and constructive communication.

And that is what is empowering – having information that leads to choice in any moment!

To you flexibly using all perspectives!

Telana

What do women want and need?

2008-08-26T22:03:00.005+02:00

Woman's day the 9th of August and woman's month is around the corner. The question remains, what is it that women want? The answer is highly complex if not totally elusive. Dr Renate Volpe explores woman issues in leadership roles in this article from the Star Workplace Business Report, 6 August 2008.

The macro perspective

Modern casual conversation and perception would have us believe that there is equality between the sexes. Never a less truer word has been spoken. One just has to look at the top structures of large organizations to see a dearth of female representation at the upper levels. I believe the current figure is 14 women (yes 14 women not 14%) head up JSE registered companies ( BWA census).

What concerns me more than this frightening figure is that the women who get to the top of organizations seldom are sufficiently resilient to serve significantly long terms in order to make a real difference. Some where along the line they change jobs, start their own businesses and become coaches or entrepreneurs. The reasons cited are disillusionment, loneliness, lack of supportive networks, having to maintain the political games, life priorities, family demands and pure physical and emotional exhaustion. Furthermore this lack of tenure does not make the case for senior female advancement any easier!

Why is this so? Why does this divide continue to exist between men and women? What are the influencers? The reasons?

For me they are multiple, they have to do with:

the women themselves,
male suppression and hidden agendas
our psychology and development,
and most significantly our social, traditional and religious spheres.

Let us explore some of these dimensions:

Organizational scenario

We establish legislation and policies for gender equity. We make popular gender friendly statements in our company vision and mission, yet everyone knows that the informal company culture is the only one that counts.

A typical real life scenario follows from an organizational perspective. Company A decides that it needs to take a stand to recruit and retain their senior women. A steering committee is established. Everyone, who is anyone, has a place on this committee. All the formalities are put in place, yet when it comes to brass tacks, like sourcing exit interview information, (which would have provided deep insight into why senior women leave the company,) this information surprisingly suddenly became unavailable. From a politically astute perspective this is an example of - the informal culture rules. The overt statement was that change was desired, yet the system and the people representing the system ensured that no such change would occur.

Leadership imperatives :

Men are masters of the game at work. It has oft been said that the place of work is a place designed by men for men with wives! Over the last seven years I have qualitatively researched the arena of female leadership to find that indeed men are unquestionably, currently more suited to functioning in the corporate context. Women can learn much from men in the fields of:

Corporate politics and game playing
Strategic thinking about career advancement
Negotiation tactics
Networking transactionally instead of, confusing networking with friendship
Being visible and credible and branding themselves in a manner that is acceptable to the organization

Thinking patterns:

The senior women that come to me for coaching appear to be singing from the same hymn sheet. They have serious intellect and are multi competent, they are proud of their integrity, display deep values, and have an inherent bent towards honesty. They are however somewhat naïve, are mostly politically illiterate and surprisingly their intellectual ability has outstripped their emotional maturity. It is the emotional back log that brings them into coaching. Once they unpack their confusion, and mature somewhat emotionally they are then, once again able to fly. Should they not be wise enough to come for coaching at this point, many of them will become job hoppers or simply leave the corporate world.

Two competencies which are non-negotiable for higher level thinkers are:

The ability to work with radical and persistent change and
The acceptance of ambivalence, uncertainty and ambiguity as a constant.

People who think in terms of black and white, right or wrong find themselves severely challenged if not traumatised by the corporate context.

Developmental challenges

Even in this day and age (generally speaking) boys and girls are raised significantly differently :

Boys from an early age are taught to go after what they want.
They are competitive, goal oriented, and spend much time playing team sports
They are often excused from the finer details of home care
They are taught to take care of themselves and are expected to stand on their own feet.
Burping and f.... are regarded as amusing and typical of male behaviour.

Girls on the other hand are

expected to care for others
to suppress their own needs
they are dressed and raised preciously
they are not encouraged to express their needs but are reminded to be "nice"
their activities involve participation and inclusion of others
Home care tasks, and expectations of sibling, or house care fall within their influence
Many are still raised to expect a man to care for them financially

Religious influencers

Although a hot topic one cannot disregard the role of Holy Scriptures, Tradition, Culture and a male God.

From birth onwards, these confirm the role of the female as secondary and inferior, they define the role of the woman as secondary, and as supportive to that of her husband or men in general. In crude terms this is known as brain washing.

My wish is that instead of blind acceptance, both men and women become independent, thinking individuals with the courage to review the impact and applicability of these influencers on the modern day woman. In my opinion this dimension is tantamount to emotional abuse which we know results in the break down of a persons self esteem and confidence.

Physical superiority

There is no contest here between men and women. Men win hands down. Sadly those who are not men of stature, or honour use this physical strength to intimidate, rape, murder and abuse their daughters and wives.

Change in roles and the liberation of women.

With woman making inroads to the workplace and most families requiring dual incomes a woman's dilemma has become more complicated.

Now she needs to be a super women, have a lovely home and garden, keep her youthful figure and face, always have abounding energy, be positive, be an involved and model mum, and be a significant contributor towards the household income.

No where in these multiple roles is there a space for the woman herself? Heart attacks, infertility and an aggressive increase in breast cancer tell their own story. Interview any woman and her favourite refrain when asked about time for herself or the pursuit of her own passions, relative to the care of others will be "guilt, guilt, guilt". A tongue in cheek comment from my side - By the way , emotional intelligence teaches us that guilt, is anger, which one does not feel the right to express!-

So what do women want?

It is therefore not surprising that when you ask a woman what she wants she often has no clue. Her natural roles of child bearer and mother alone dictate the direction of much of her energy Over and above this she has spent her life being told by her parents, educators, religious figures and scripts who she may, may not, and should be. She has been influenced to take care of others rather than herself. Her self esteem is shattered. The connection between her mind, heart and spirit has effectively been broken by these multiple influencers.

The solution?

Every change brings with it a sense of loss. All women need to look around and decide whether they like what and who they see in the mirror. If they spend their days feeling fatigued, suffering from multiple ills, and aches and pains, sleepless, depressed, over worked and stressed out, they need to make a start a determine the following:

Who am I really?
Who was I born to be?
What are my unique talents?
When do I feel passion and joy?

The answers to these questions will dictate the direction that these ladies need to begin to walk in, so that they may:

Work like you don’t need the money
Dance like no one is watching and
Love like you have never been hurt.

Dr Renate Volpe is a leadership coach, facilitator, author and CEO of the HIRS Women's development consultancy.

Affirmations that work

2008-07-21T15:39:00.003+02:00

So you have your affirmation written out. It's maybe even typed up and printed, and stuck on your bathroom mirror, in your wallet, in your diary, on your pc and inside your cupboard door. You spent a few days saying it over and over to yourself, and eventually you notice that the words on the paper have blurred and become part of the backdrop of what ever else you are focusing on. You're left with the feeling that affirmations don't work.

Well I agree-some affirmations don't work. Well Formed Affirmations do work. Just having a positive statement that you read often is not enough to change the way you think and impact the results you get in life. A Well Formed Affirmation though, has the power to transform your life in all the ways that those who promote the use of affirmations say it will.

There are a few key things to keep in mind to make sure the time and energy you put into affirmations is both beneficial and well worth the effort:

One of the first things to remember is that the affirmation should be believable to your conscious mind. Yes, the point of an affirmation is to help change the programming of your mind, both conscious and subconscious. Yet, if you don’t believe that what you are affirming is a possibility for you, your subconscious mind (and possibly even your conscious awareness) will be saying "Yeah right, what a joke!" back at you as you consciously recite the affirmation. That doesn't help the process, and often leads to us stopping using the affirmation.

For example, if you were to affirm "I am wealthy" when you are experiencing a bout of anything but wealth in your life, the affirmation will seem to jar you on some level. If you affirm rather: "I am taking high priority and focused steps towards being wealthy" you overcome the dis-belief and the statement becomes far more powerful.

Another point to remember about affirmations is that they should be about a Truth- a universal law or fact that you know to be true. This makes the statement live-able. A mis-conception about affirmations is that they have to be positive statements. This is not the case- they should rather be a statement that is liveable, because a true affirmation is about making something firm in your mind. For example saying "I'm always happy" is unrealistic, whereas the statement "I can manage my emotions" is a truth, and is live-able.

Affirmations should also be stated in the present tense. "I can/am......." is far more useful than "I will/want to.......". If you phrase the affirmation in future tense, then your mind always hears it as some time away, so that it knows that one day you will experience what you are affirming. This results in you not experiencing what you want in the present moment.

If present tense is still a little unbelieving for you, try state the affirmation as a question. The subconscious mind enjoys questions, and the right kind of question can open a field of possibilities. So rather than saying "I am creating wealth in my life" you could ask "What do I need to do to create wealth in my life?"

Your brain is predictable in that it follows directions to the T- it doesn't question the usefulness or appropriateness of the information you feed it (unlike the stomach which has mechanisms to eject unhealthy material). So use this fact to your advantage by creating statements that are well formed and worth affirming. The ultimate test of an affirmation is whether it is words that you can comfortably imagine yourself saying for the rest of your life. If so, then you have power food for your brain!

To you affirming yourself for the life you want!
Telana

(Bibliography: Dr Demartini’s Breakthrough Experience)

Coaching matchmaker keeps the cowboys away

2008-06-30T19:26:00.005+02:00

Interesting article from the Business Day about the challenge of matching a coach and a coachee. For a documented guide from Inner Coaching on how to choose a coach, send us an email requesting one on info@innercoaching.co.za.

Business Day Article published 18 June 2008
From: http://www.businessday.co.za/Articles/TarkArticle.aspx?ID=3246858

COACHES are the new consultants. They are everywhere, promising all manner of executive development and realisation. However, while just a couple of years ago a coach was considered a prerequisite for anyone who aspired to be anyone in business, they have been around long enough now - and with varying enough degrees of success - for organisations and individuals increasingly vociferously to question their worth.

Does coaching deliver on its promise? Does everyone potentially benefit from coaching? And if so, how does one decide what kind of coach one would best benefit from? How does one most accurately match coach-coachee? How do you measure the success of a coaching relationship? And what do you do if it all goes wrong?

Indeed, the questions are many and, as more and more coaches come a-knocking, the uncertainties mount. If you buy into the value of coaching, how do you distinguish the oft-dazzling "cowboy coaches" with their whip-fast promises, from the quality coaches who really know their stuff? And then, if you get that right, how can you accurately assess the qualifications and experience of those coaches to establish the best fit for your needs?

According to Jessica Jarvis, adviser of learning, training and development at the London-based Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, there is growing concern internationally about the number of coaches "entering the market who are inexperienced, have little training and lack the appropriate knowledge and skills".

This, she explains in the institute's guide to coaching and buying coaching services, arises from the fact that the coaching industry is fragmented and has neither a cohesive professional body nor sets of qualifications and standards to direct interested parties.

It is a problem which a Cape Town-based coach matching company, Ekin Astengo Coaching, has turned into an opportunity. The organisation - a partnership between entrepreneur and business owner coach Simon Ekin, and human resource specialist and leadership coach Susi Astengo - was established in 2006 after nine months of extensive research on what clients and potential clients perceived to be the shortcomings of coaches and coaching in SA.

"Worryingly, we saw coaching was increasingly falling into disrepute," explains the British-born Astengo. "Because there are no barriers to entry into the business, you can trot off on a weekend seminar and the next week add the word 'coach' to your credentials.

"We also saw that while many coaches were great at sales and marketing, they were unable to deliver on their promises. So, what emerged was a pattern of people who had experienced coaching, initially with great hope, who were now increasingly disillusioned."

"In fact, some organisations had begun absolutely prohibiting the use of coaches because of bad experiences. "

"This was hugely concerning to Simon and I, given the benefits we know good coaching provides," she says.

After thoroughly examining what people and organisations wanted and expected from coaching, and what frustrated them about it, Astengo and Ekin narrowed the top three requirements down to transparency; measurability; and consistency and rigour.

They were determined that there was a way to bridge the widening gap between coaches and their target market.

"We then carefully evaluated the primary successful coaching models available, and developed a methodology to accurately assess high-performance coaches and, as importantly, to match coach and coachee," Astengo says.

High-performance coaches, she clarifies, are "remarkably resourceful coache" available to their coachees 24 hours a day, seven days a week and who guarantee that they will encourage their coachees to venture at least 30% beyond their present comfort zone.

Astengo's international recruitment, selection, training and development experience includes work with Fortune 500 companies in the UK and, just before establishing Ekin Astengo Coaching, Deloitte in SA.

The Ekin Astengo Coaching process begins by evaluating coach hopefuls "who have already qualified as high-performance coaches after training at one of a number of institutions approved by the International Coaching Federation" against exacting assessment criteria based on Astengo and Ekin's original research. This includes a series of tests, interviews and observed coaching sessions.

It is essential, says Astengo, that the process is transparent: "We believe that a coach matching company should be able to demonstrate the rigorous process it uses to select its coaches."

While the organisation has a long list of applicants waiting to be assessed, 80% of the coaches Astengo sees fail the selection process. Although professional qualifications and experience are essential for coaching, she says, the matching company is looking for more.

"By the time we take a coach onto our books, we know them intimately enough to be able to accurately assess which clients to partner them with."

Astengo and Ekin believe that finding the right coach is as important - and as potentially difficult - as finding the right business partner. If the match does not work, there will be limited or no return on the investment of clients' valuable time and money.

"It's not good enough to rely on chemistry and a basic hunch to feel if the coach is a good egg," she says. "A matching process is necessary to manage and mitigate the risk, and to maximise return on investment."

Ekin Astengo Coaching's primary objective is to develop the tools and services necessary to ensure a perfect coach-coachee match, and so guarantee that organisations and individuals get the results they want.

The key, claims Astengo, is to be systematic: "As many companies have discovered in the past, trying to find a coach on their own carries the risk of making an uninformed buying decision. It is so easy to get it wrong."

"Unless you know the criteria for what makes a good coach, as well as who will be best for you," she says, "you are relying on luck and instinct to make a decision. And these are not the criteria for making a successful business decision."

The process also requires a thorough interview with potential clients. To match its clients' requirements and personalities with the right coaches, Ekin Astengo Coaching needs to establish what results they are hoping for, the kind of communications they prefer and what they are like.
It is also, the company says, vital to explore each client's other professional relationships to identify which have worked, which not, and why. "Once we have made the match, further steps need to be put in place to ensure the relationship succeeds," says Astengo.

"You need to set the rules for the game. It is not like dating where you meet someone, there is chemistry and you see where it takes you. It is like finding a business partner. You need to set up the contract terms upfront. You and the coach need to put measurable goals in place so that both can assess the return on investment."

The premise is that working through a company using a scientifically developed matching model offers a new level of professionalism in coaching, in terms of process and outcomes.

Having a professional third party to mediate and manage the relationship also helps ensure that the integrity of the relationship between the coach and coachee remains intact.

Indeed, it's a sure way of keeping 'em cowboy coaches out of the corral.

The Secrets of Self Management

2008-05-15T14:58:00.005+02:00

(This is another article from a newsletter from the Brahma Kumaris as part of their "Women of Spirit - Message for the Week" series. It has some good ideas about managing our selves. So here is a copy. Telana)

Your thoughts and decisions shape your destiny. This is not a new idea. A few moments of reflection reminds us that everything we create in our life from the relationships we form to the work that we perform, begin as thoughts/decisions within our consciousness. Wouldn't it therefore be great if we could simply have a few positive thoughts, make a couple of courageous decisions, and our destiny would be as perfect as we would like it to be?

Real life of course doesn't quite work like that because there are many energies that we allow consciously and unconsciously to influence our thinking and decision making processes. They include things like the environment, the weather, our current job, our family, our financial affairs, politics, culture and the most powerful, the media, are all waves of energy which bombard us in dif ferent forms and at different times every day. All have a different effect on our thinking depending to what extent we allow them in. All have the potential to confuse, complicate and pressure us into not such positive thoughts and not such good decisions... if we give them permission. And if we are not careful we can easily allow many of these external influences to shape our destiny.

And yet we cannot control any of them. They are all around us at every moment. All we can do is manage our self and therefore our thinking, so that we respond to them without being shaped or overwhelmed by them. The inner skills of 'self-management' are many. But on a day to day basis, when faced with the onslaught of a thousand influences, all vying for our attention, many seeking to shape our lives for us, these are probably the most important to get started.

Detached Observation

Detachment does not mean we don't care about what is going on in the world, or that we avoid what is coming to us from the world. Detachment does not mean coldness or hardness. It just means we learn to stand back and observe for a moment where before we would have allowed ourselves to be instantly sucked in to the dramas of others. Detachment gives us that 'space of time' to create a measured response and not be overruled by a habitual reaction. It allows us to check our perception of what is coming to us and what is happening around us. And that can be as simple as seeing a situation as a problem or as an opportunity. Or it can be as deep as a shift from seeing the world as a dark and dangerous place to the world as an adventure playground. That one inner shift alone allows us to stop tak ing things so seriously and start being more creative and playful. The art of detachment also allows us to move from actor to audience and back again - one moment just observing and getting a sense of things, and the next moment fully engaging.

This inner observational ability, sometimes known as 'detached involvement', means the world ceases to crowd our mind and randomly shape our thoughts and feelings. In learning to take time to just be watchful prior to the creation of our decisions and actions we can see with a deeper awareness, think with greater concentration and make our decisions with greater clarity. By standing back intern ally and learning to watch life's flow we naturally become less influenced by all those forces over which we have no control. And in so doing there is weakening of the feeling that we are at the mercy of events, and an increasing sense that we have greater control over our own destiny.

Filtering Wisely

In the age of information overload it becomes essential to filter out what is of value and what is not. We find it hard to remember what was in the newspaper or on TV two days ago simply because it had no value to us. Discerning what has value, which usually turns out to be very little, helps us not to waste time and energy. So much of the information that catches our attenti on 'out there' is simply stories of others lives, a form of local or global gossip, which we don't need to know. By filtering out only that which is truly of value to us and not consuming or being consumed by it, we help our self to remain mentally fresh, emotionally stable and use our time and energy in the most worthwhile way. Life is neither short nor long, but it is a span of experience in which we get an opportunity to create something that is both valuable for others and fulfilling for ourselves. If we spend that time consuming the creativity of others we will miss the opportunity to know and use the full potential of our own creativity. And there is always a good chance we just might end up with a bad dose of 'information indigestion'.

Recovering Stability

We may have realised that all our stress in life is self-created. We may have realised that our stressful thoughts and feelings are of our own making as we respond to people and events. We may have therefore decided to take full responsibility for our 'ability to respond'. But still certain people and situations are able to 'press our buttons' and we react emotionally, pushin g our self off balance again. At this point many give up the process of empowering themselves by restoring self-responsibility, and they revert to old patterns in which they allow the pain that stress is, to habitually recur. But if we can practice recovering our stability we might eventually find our self stress-free in what were previously stress-triggering situations.

This means that when we do react negatively and 'lose the plot' we then take time to sit quietly and centre ourselves. Where there is stress, where there is any form of 'reactivity', it means we are not in control, our emotions are controlling us. There is some form of emotional disturbance, which can be likened to a storm within our consciousness. But if we can learn to return to the centre of our consciousness, to the 'eye of the storm', we will always find our peace and our power. Today that may take 10 minutes, tomorrow 8 minutes, the next day 5 minutes, and so on until one day no minutes. It is this kind of sustained inner work that we all get the chance to practice every day. Even the greatest saints and the so called enlightened masters would have practiced this vital aspect of self management in the face of the everyday changing textures and colours of the many varied scenes and personalities of life's rich pageant.

Question: In which relationships/situations do you think you would benefit from applying the above inner skills?

Reflection: How do you see yourself responding i.e. thinking and acting differently, if you practiced each of the above?

Action: Dedicate two days to each of the above self-management skills this week and consciously apply in practical situations.

From: Brahma Kumaris, which is an organization which seeks to offer an education in human, moral and spiritual values. It is of Indian origin and it promotes a form of meditation called Raja Yoga.

Beyond Tolerance

2008-05-12T15:17:00.005+02:00

(I recieved this article in a newsletter from the Brahma Kumaris as part of their "Women of Spirit - Message for the Week" series. It has some good points about Tolerance, and I thought I'd share it here. Telana)

Mothers tolerate their children's naughty behaviour, referees tolerate abuse on the field, politicians tolerate criticism, millions of people tolerate the noise of planes over their homes, owners tolerate uncontrollable pets, and many wives and husbands tolerate the violence of their partner. For sure there is probably a lot of tolerating going on in the average day for the average person in our now small world.

What are you tolerating? Is their something or someone you feel you have to tolerate? Or have you given up and descended into anger and despair. Sometimes it's called 'learned helplessness'. Whatever it is you can turn it around.

Tolerance is one of those interesting ideas or concepts that is seldom fully explored and understood. Often it is confused with 'suffering in silence' and while we say we are tolerating someone presence we are really suffering in their presence. We are really tolerating our own suffering. Hard to see in a world that tends to teach us that it's 'them' and not me that is making me feel this way.

Tolerance is necessary, until you see it is unnecessary, at which point you have either risen above or gone beyond what you thought you had to tolerate. A simple example might be 'racial tolerance'. In most societies the tolerance of the other races is rightly encouraged. But for many it simply means we have to put up with 'them'. The need to tolerate and the effort to tolerate is only required as long as you identify 'them' and yourself with colour of skin. As soon as you realise and accept that people are not their skin, therefore not their race (the opposite of what we have been taught to believe), you rise above race, you go beyond race. You go beyond what was in effect an illusory identity and start to see the reality (real identity) of all 'others' which is as human beings, beings of consciousness in a human form, at which point the effort to tolerate is unnecessary. Some refer to this as 'spiritual vision' where we see and relate to the spirit of the person, which is who they are, and cease to identify them with their form and its colour. It's an easy theory but challenging to practice because the next level at which we may find some personal 'intolerables' will likely be the 'others' beliefs, culture and behaviours. And if we do not understand the others beliefs/culture/behaviours we have a tendency to either fear them or resent them. And what we fear or resent calls on our tolerance, hence we seem to be tolerating 'them', but in reality we are really just tolerating our own emotions towards them.

So lets take a step back for a moment and see what is really happening when we become intolerant. Whenever we experience any emotional disturbance it means we have been separated from the core of our being which is always stable, strong and calm. But it's not the external event or the other persons behaviour or beliefs that have separated us, it is entirely our own doing. Not so easy to see but it is evidenced by the fact that in one house on the street one person is not emotionally disturbed when the aircraft flies overhead, whereas the person next door is always angry and resentful whenever an aircraft passes. Similarly, while the teenager can stand in the noisiest disco and talk calmly and coherently, the parent looking for their child in the noisy melee of the disco just cannot wait to get out! In the workplace the perpetua lly late arriving member of the team seems to drive some of his team members crazy while others are just not bothered by it, they do not lose the emotional plot because they do not lose their connection with their inner stable, strong and calm core, from where the power to remain unfazed and in a state of equilibrium comes.

Each of the above examples illustrates that whatever is our emotional disturbance when we become 'intolerant' is always our own creation, our own responsibility. It is not caused by the external situation or person. This means freedom is in sight – freedom from our emotional suffering. But it also means we have a 'need' that needs to be met. It is our need to reconnect and restore our inner strength and stability. It's a need to dissolve our emotional disturbance so that we may 'feel' calm and able to face the person or the situation that is 'challenging' us. In fact any time we find ourself thinking, feeling and acting out some form of intolerance, it always means that we have an unmet inner need. And while we may illicit others help to co-operate with the fulfillment of that need, u ltimately only we are capable of fulfilling it for ourselves.

In the meantime here are five steps that may help you towards meeting your inner needs in situations that you feel you have to tolerate.

1) ACKNOWLEDGE to yourself that you are responsible for your emotional discomfort. Your emotional disturbance is entirely self created regardless of what or who you face.

2) ACCEPT the other person as they are, or situation as it is, or the event as it was. Watch how you want to say, "But that is just not acceptable", usually after 'the event'. At which point, in reality, you don't have a choice, you have to accept what has happened because…. it's happened! It's in the past If you don't move into acceptance you are always stuck in the frustration of trying to change the past or the other person, which of course is impossible.

3) AQUIRE understanding. This is the moment you reach out towards the other seeking to understand why they did what they did and what their needs were behind their action.

4) APPRECIATE their openness. In sharing their thoughts and feelings, their perceptions and reasons, they have been open and 'given'. To reciprocate with appreciation is to replace what was previously the silent resentment of intolerance with the energy of love. (not Holywood love!)
5) ASK for your need to be met, without dependency or condition. Ask, "How can we both have our needs be met in this situation?" This is the moment of creativity where solutions or ways forward are co-created.

In the example of the late arriver for the morning meeting it's obvious that our emotional reaction is our own (Acknowledge) because the other members of the team are responding to the same event differently. Trying to 'force' the other to change either by threat or further emotional targeting or some other 'consequence' will only illicit resistance and probably even later arrival times ( Accept). A conversation with the intention to understand why lateness is a habit (Acquire) reveals a need to get a sick partner to hospital every day for treatment, or a need for more sleep because the earlier train time is just too early, or it's just a way to get others attention. Gratitude for their openness (Appreciation) ensures the quality of energy exchanged is positive and harmonious. This sets the ground for the final stage which is a conversation that invites solutions (Ask) that may result in meeting both needs by either agreeing to accommodate late arrival by delaying the meeting, or changing the agenda to accommodate late arrival, or coming in earlier and leaving earlier etc. etc.

It's just an example and it is of course impossible to predict how such a strategy may arrive at an outcome that satisfies the requirements of both parties. Life is ultimately unpredictable and messy and so 'relationships', which is another word for 'life', are also unpredictable and messy. The alternative is tolerance in the form of a silent suffering, possible resentment and a relationship th at always throws up a background of tension verging on conflict.

Question: Who or what do you feel you are currently having to tolerate?

Reflection: Rehearse in your mind how you might apply the above five steps in an interaction with that person. Visualise the process.

Action: Sit down with that person while being flexible enough to allow unexpected responses to arise from them or from your self

From: Brahma Kumaris, which is an organization which seeks to offer an education in human, moral and spiritual values. It is of Indian origin and it promotes a form of meditation called Raja Yoga.

I can't or I won't! You decide.

2008-04-28T13:44:00.008+02:00

Your choice of language influences your experience of life. The actual words you use when you talk can create a state and a perception of reality that will result in you experiencing life in a certain way. If you don't believe me, then try this little exercise:

Think of something that you would love to have that's on the more expensive side- like a new item of clothing or a holiday. Now notice how you feel when you say to yourself the following 2 statements about that expensive item:

I can't afford it.

How can I afford it?

Very few words changed in the two statements, yet they result in very different experiences.

We have a habitual way of thinking and talking that is termed our "modal operator". It reflects our beliefs about the mode in which we operate in the world.

We can operate from a mental mode of laws, where we use language like should, must, and have to. We can also function from the mental world of opportunities, where the words we would use would be possible to, can do, will, may, would, could, or from the mental world of mpossibilities, where the words commonly used would be can't, won't, shouldn't. If we tend to use words like ought to or should we are probably coming from a world view of obligation, whereas the words of want to, dare to, and desire to show a map of empowerment, and the words of choose to, like to, opt to show a world of choice.

Noticing and then adjusting the language you use according to your intention in that moment can have a profound effect on your life.

When you need to motivate yourself notice what language gets you moving more: "I must do...", or "I can do..." or "I get to do..."

Is your self discipline enhanced by saying "I cannot...", "I will not...", or "I choose to not..."?

We always have the choice on how to language something- even if it feels like we don't have a choice because it has become a habitual choice, it's still a choice. The language you choose to use can describe where you are limiting yourself, and even create limits. Or, it can set you free from limitations and leave you with possibilities and choice. It all depends on how you want to experience your life.

"Don't say I can't, say I won't"- Fritz Perls

To you languaging yourself for the life you want!
Telana

Change- is it THE Road Trip of your life?

2008-02-29T08:33:00.004+02:00

Change. Transform. Modify. Alter.

All these words are about moving from one "space"- mental, emotional or physical - to another. They all are about a journey - a trip, a movement - that is a constant theme in life.

Change is what we experience as the difference between where we started and where we end up. It is a process which alters something, so that it becomes different. It is also a set of actions- something we do in the process of altering, modifying or transforming one state to another.

We can experience this change as an improvement or a breakdown of the status quo, and it can even result in the birth of something new, or the evolution into the next stage of growth.

We are always changing- because as we grow and learn, so we change. Literally our biological neuro-pathways in our brains are altered. As long as we are breathing, we are learning and growing, and thus experiencing change.

Therefore, with change being the only constant in life- because if we are alive we cannot not change- then the point of power comes from asking the question: "What direction is the change taking me and what is the quality of the change- will it enhance or undermine my life?"

The benefit of asking such a question is that we can manage the change,
and even direct it to our advantage. Those who can see change coming and are able to use its arrival to make better adjustments or manage the bumpy ride more effectively, are the ones who get back onto the road with more ease, grace and speed.

So how can we become a change embracer? By an embracer of change, I am referring to someone who chooses the 4X4 vehicle with power steering and extra absorbent shocks for the trip; Someone who welcomes the movement of life (the speed and condition of the highway) and even relishes in it and looks for it (by choosing a powerful engine); Someone who knows how to manage the stresses and tensions that occur as things shift and evolve (as the scenery and conditions change on the trip); Someone who can sustain and maintain the change by making the destination into the new comfort zone, the new way of living, the new "home".

One model (the Axes of Change* Model) gives us four distinct "phases" to look for, with 8 different "gears" to use as we make our way on this trip of change.

1) MOTIVATION
The first phase is about checking if we have the energy for the trip. Do we have the petrol to drive our 4X4, that is, the mental, emotional and physical energy to go on the journey? How we check for this is to use the first gear of "vision" to awaken our dream of what the final destination could be like. Then we move to second gear, called "un-vision" to challenge us to notice what we are leaving behind and what that current space means to us. This gives us the pull and push of motivation for the energy (petrol) needed to make the trip.

2) DECISION
Once we’re clear on if we have the energy for the trip, we can then move to the gear of "reflection" to expose our reasons and intentions for getting to our destination as well as what might be keeping the breaks on. It exposes if we need to service our car first and what ideas we need to change in order to put our foot on the accelerator to make the trip happen. Then we need to move into fourth gear of "action" to provoke us to decide if we will get in our 4x4 and when, and if there are any things we are waiting on before choosing to go, like having the car serviced.

3) CREATION
Now we need to create the trip- to make it real. The fifth gear of "inner maps" creates for us the maps of the route to take, noting any resources or 'padkos' (food for the road) we will need, alternative routes, our strategy for making the trip with timings and any passengers or landmarks to help on the way. With our inner map in place, we then shift gears again into our "outer game" gear, to actualise this map into action. Now the rubber hit’s the road! We start moving on our actual journey and put our map to actual use with the real-time behaviour of driving.

4) EXPLORING TO SOLIDIFY
Now the journey is underway, and we move into the gear of "reinforcement" to celebrate the milestones as we pass landmarks and signs that show us we're getting closer to the destination. We also use the gear of "testing" here to verify that we're still on our desired route, check if we need to try an alternate route or make any adjustment to our seat position or rear-view mirrors. Once at our destination we uses these gears too to reinforce our destination by celebrating our arrival and noticing what it feels like to arrive and also how we will stay at our destination. We also test the reality of our new destination, to affirm we've got there and explore it, to happily start settling down there.

This stage of solidifying is what makes the destination our new "home". It assists in preventing us from slipping into reverse and reverting back to old ways from the past or returning to the origin of our trip.

As with driving any car, we shift back and forth between gears as we come across obstacles and traffic lights on the way and need to change our direction or speed. Also on our journey of change, we shift back and forth between the gears to get more petrol when we run out of energy (motivation), or re-evaluate our decision to stay on the trip, or make adjustment to our map and turn into different roads, while all the time checking we’re making progress and celebrating our milestones.

To embrace change, all that is needed is to find the motivation to change, make the decision to change, create the change and then solidify it.

As you think of the inevitable journey of change that is before you, may you choose to take your 4X4 for a spin, with a full tank of energetic petrol, an updated GPS device with a charming voice for your map, a team of delightful cheerleaders in the back seat, and an exciting way of exploring your destination to make it a sustainable and highly enjoyable achievement.

And may your trip be THE Road Trip of your life!
Telana

* The "Axes of Change" model is a revolutionary model that recently came out of the Cognitive Behavioural Sciences and is (at the time of writing) the only non-therapeutic model of change. It is useful for change embracers who ask for and desire change in that its premises relate to generative change- that is it is about managing and even creating change from a place of growth and self actualisation, and a desire to use talents, knowledge and skills to move to a new level of success and performance (and not out of fear or the recovery from hurts). This model is one of the 7 key models used in Meta-Coaching, the coaching style of Inner Coaching.