Most of the people in my life are, and always have been, employees.  They either don’t take my efforts to build my own business seriously, or they outright warn me not to quit my job.  The unspoken message is clear:  ‘you’re not good enough or smart enough to build a successful business‘ (at least that’s the impression I get).  These are people who have always played it safe.  Of course, I used to be one of them!

I am building relationships with other woman business owners, but my closest friends and family members are still important to me — and I have a hard time ignoring their negative messaging!  Any advice as to how to handle that would be helpful.

Thanks so much,

You can’t force them to change; the only thing you can control is your reaction to their comments. Fortunately there’s a lot of power in that.

Consider that your “impression” isn’t the only possible interpretation. Could it be that rather than criticizing you, they’re just expressing their own fears? They love you, and want to protect you from all the dangers they imagine. And since you know the joy of stretching yourself and pursuing what matters to you, you can be compassionate with these folks who have always played it safe and are too timid to even let themselves dream.

How this might look: “Thanks, Uncle Jim, I know you want the best for me and are worried what will happen if I quit my job. I appreciate how much you care.”

If they persist in being negative, don’t try to justify or explain yourself (they won’t get it!) — just smile appreciatively, say “thanks, I’ll think about that,” and change the subject.

If you can keep on seeing and acknowledging the love behind their “criticism,” you might be amazed at how much the criticism can soften.

Let me know how it goes!

You’re luckier than you know, surrounded by so much caring “criticism” (grin)…

All the best,
Pamela

I was at Miraval Spa in Tuscon AZ as part of my year-long Sassy Mastermind business-and- spirit adventure with mentor Lisa Sasevich, and I’d just been asked by fellow member Amethyst Wyldfyre (right) why I wasn’t willing to spend $65 on a spa treatment I wanted.

Because I’ve never been to a spa. Because I don’t “waste money.” Because I’m not like the “spoiled rich people”  who go to spas.(!?) Because I don’t deserve to do nice things for myself….

Yikes. As Amethyst and I talked, I saw how deeply this limiting belief has been sabotaging my business and my life (and distanced me from all the perfectly lovely “rich people” out there). It’s stopped me from:

* asking for help when I could have really used it. (Anyone else out there feel you always gotta handle it yourself?)

* charging for my services according to the value I deliver. (Anyone else out there waaay undercharging?)

* receiving what I want and need to fulfill what matters to me — $$, self-care, time off, taking in all the love and support around me. (Anyone else who’s struggled and stressed and not taken care of yourself, although you KNOW you have a lot to contribute and can’t when you’re stressed out?)

Even though I could see how how destructive my limiting belief was, I knew it’d come up again…

So I created an alternative thought to tell myself when “I don’t deserve it” shows up: “I am SO worth it!” –with hand on hip, tee hee.  (We call this “reframing your limiting belief” in Vision-Powered Planning.)

I’m also practicing an affirmation I got at Miraval: “I am open to receiving my heart’s desire.”

And darned if I didn’t receive one of my heart’s desires just a few hours later: in my “hotseat” coaching with Lisa Sasevich and Lisa Cherney, above, I received deep affirmation of the value and uniqueness of my Possibility Portraits — and the path to serving many more people, at a much higher level, for far more money, than I’d ever imagined.

In fact I’ve experiencing “receiving my heart’s desire” many times since then. Like in this moment: the late winter sun, surprisingly warm, just blazed out from behind the clouds. What more could my winter-weary heart desire?

Part of receiving all the good around me is also acknowledging it: for example telling the Miraval massage therapist how blessed I felt by his work and all that I received from it. (Added joy: seeing how touched he was by my appreciation…)

Lisa Zimmerman of www.soullevelsolutions.com calls receiving “the energy of allowing love (undefended) to flow into your heart” and says receiving is a spiritual practice for all “serial givers.” Are you a “giver” — or thwarted giver — too?

We can only give fully to others when we treat ourselves with love, respect and kindness. And the world needs each of our gifts!  So what’s something kind you can do for yourself today?  How much are you willing to receive?

Reason #1: Resolutions come from failure and guilt.

We tend to make resolutions to overcome past failures (”this time, for sure!”). For example, if you feel bad that you’re:

* out of shape — you resolve to work out at the gym;
* yelling at loved ones — you resolve to be calmer;
* in debt — you resolve to get control of your finances.

BUT no matter how great your resolutions sound, they carry the seeds of defeat:

Since resolutions come from a need to “fix” yourself, they are unconscious reminders of your past failures and “unworthiness.” Ironically enough, resolutions reinforce your inner critic’s harshest judgements: “you’re a failure, and you’ll be in big trouble if you don’t do better!!” The resulting shame, doubt, and anxiety practically guarantee you’ll fail again.

What DOES work: goals that come from your heart.

Use visioning to bypass your inner critic and tap into your inner guidance system, and uncover what you really want.

Visioning helps you release what’s negative in your past, step outside the constraints of the present, and start fresh — from your intentions, dreams, longings, and core values — to envision a better tomorrow that begins NOW.

Why this works: visioning leaves you truly inspired, rather than “motivated” by external threats or internal criticism. It also gives you new clarity, and helps you tap into your own creative powers and begin to see resources and opportunities.

Keeping resolutions is hard work; but following your vision is a joy! I recommend visioning twice a year — for example at the New Year and summer solstice — to stay inspired, focused, and true to yourself.

Don‘t know how to do effective visioning? Check out our January “Vision-Powered Planning Retreats” or my “Treasure Mapping Kit” you can do at home.

Reason #2: Resolutions are “all in your head.”

Sometimes we write down our resolutions — which dramatically increases their success rate — but usually they only exist in our heads. No wonder 36% of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by February, and 90% fail to last a year!

(Yup, research proves this: Journal of Clinical Psychology, Volume 58, Issue 4 2002).

What DOES work: goals you see and feel every day.

Write down your heart-felt goals AND make a visual reminder (vision board) of how it feels to attain them. Look at it every day!

Why this works: Visual images speak the language of emotions and dreams. Using them wisely can reshape your self-image, improve your mood, and shift negative beliefs.

Images also activate the brain’s A.R.A.S. (Ascending Reticular Activating System), which is believed to be the center of arousal and motivation. (No wonder advertising relies so heavily on pictures…)

Vision boards make your goals seem tangible and achievable, and keep you motivated to take new actions to fulfill them. They also help dissolve negative beliefs that are holding you back, and guide you to see yourself as already successful in what matters to you — even if you have no idea how to do it now. Many people find that vision boards help them manifest results far beyond what they know how to achieve. (See examples.)

Our January “Vision-Powered Planning” Retreats and home
“Treasure Mapping Kit” make it easy to create a powerful,
beautiful vision board.

Reason #3: Resolutions leave success up to iffy “will power”.

“Will power” alone is rarely enough to make big changes in our lives, or to fulfill big goals. Without accountability, tools, and support, it’s human nature to slip back into our old ways — or stay stuck. So why struggle to do it alone, and beat yourself up when you inevitably lack “will power”? You’re only human.

What DOES work: social support, accountability, integrity, and new actions.
Social support & accountability: find a partner, hire a coach, create a team, join a group, share your vision with supportive people.
Accountability tools: create S.M.A.R.T. goals (specific, measurable, achievable, results-oriented, time-specific); track results & accomplishments; note what’s missing when you fail.
Integrity – knowing yourself as someone who honors your word — starts with telling the truth when you fail (or are about to fail) to do what you said. Notice what’s missing, put it in, and make a new promise.
Take new actions aligned with your goals. When you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, “what’s my very next step?”. Use your support, accountability, and integrity to do it.

Our January “Vision-Powered Planning” Retreats will give you all the support, accountability, and tools you need to fulfill your vision.

The home-study “Treasure Mapping Kit” comes with a manual of supportive “Power Tools” to use with your vision board.

Ready for something new in your life in 2010?

Let me support you with a live visioning retreat or an inexpensive do-it-yourself vision board kit.

To your success and fulfillment!

Love,
Pamela

P.S. And remember that you may want many things, but as the Beatles song says, “all you need is love.”

Here’s my gift for you — a great video that I think you’ll really enjoy; it shows what the power of love can look like all over the world:
All You Need Is Love

Enjoy!

I’ve been thinking about this because my amazing daughter has been going through a hard time, and I’ve felt powerless to help her.  I’ve given her all sorts of good advice, but nothing seemed to help. It was so frustrating for both of us… So I got resigned. And withdrew a bit emotionally. And felt guilty and worried.

Then last night I saw what would make a difference: just being Love and trusting her.

The truth is she doesn’t need fixing, because she isn’t broken.  Like each and every one of us, she is whole, complete, and perfect just as she is, and far more powerful than she knows — there are simply barriers that keep her from experiencing her own perfection and power.

So what does “being Love and trusting her” look like?

I see my role as a parent in a new way: maybe it’s not my job to try to fix her or tell her what to do. Maybe I can best support her by being a “magic mirror” and reflecting back her innate wholeness and power when she loses sight of it — gently reminding her who she really is.

(If she could see herself reflected in my loving eyes, she’d see there’s nothing to worry about, and so much to appreciate and be grateful for…)

We all could use a magic mirror like this, couldn’t we?

Well, you actually can have a “magic mirror” — or give one to someone you love.

Here’s 3 ways to do it:

1.  Make one, with my brand-new “Magic Mirror Kit.“

Magic Mirror Kit

This kit shows you how to collage a visual reflection of your best self, and reveals how to use it as a “magic mirror” to center yourself when you’re upset or worried, to restore balance when you feel overwhelmed, and to be compassionate with yourself and others — no matter what’s going on.

Easy — get step-by-step guidance & all the supplies you need.
Fun — insightful visioning process & creative collage-making.
Inspiring — beautiful reminder of who you really are, touchstone for daily life.

There’s even a “Magic Mirror Party Kit!” so you can make “magic mirrors” with your friends or family. Check it out: http://innervisionportraits.com/magic-mirror

2. Have one  made for you: my hand-painted “Possibility Portraits” are heirloom-quality “magic mirrors” that help people see and remember their Light. For individuals, couples, and families.

See how clients are using theirs: http://innervisionportraits.com/portraits-what-people-say

3. BE a “magic mirror“: practice looking and listening for the best in others (and yourself) — and acknowledge what you discover.  Expect to be pleasantly surprised.  Even moved…

To do this is simple, but not easy. (That’s why visual reminders like Magic Mirror collages and Possibility Portraits are so helpful.)

It doesn’t cost a thing to be a “magic mirror,” yet the results are priceless:  the greatest gift you can give another is to reflect back their goodness, wisdom, and inner beauty — the contribution they are you, and to life.

And when you can do this for yourself, well, your whole life changes…

How?  By being part of The Stillness Experiment, and then entering the “I’ll Pay You to be Quiet” Video Contest.

But you don’t have to decide if you want to create a video yet.

Just go to The Stillness Experiment to get instructions (and audio) for The One Minute Meditation™. It’s free and the benefits are enormous: http://www.stillnessexperiment.com/stillness-experiment/

The “I’ll Pay You to be Quiet” Video Contest offers cash & other prizes for submitting a video of your experience in the Stillness Experiment. Everyone who enters gets hundreds of dollars in prizes. Find out more: http://www.ommcontest.com/

The biggest benefit of participating is learning a tool that can very quickly quiet your mind and help you deal with stressful situations from a calm, grounded place. And the chance to win $1000 cash and other great prizes doesn’t hurt either…

Regardless of whether you enter the contest, I look forward to hearing of your experiences with The Stillness Experiment.

Relax, enjoy life, and let your creativity flow!

Here’s 3 easy FAST ways to get out of the grind — anytime — and into vacation mode.
o
o
o

#1 Relax Deeply and Reconnect – in just 1 minute!

One of the easiest and fastest ways to get that “on vacation” feeling is the 1 minute meditation.

Yup, you can feel relaxed, peaceful, & grounded — in just 1 minute.

Here’s how.

Works anywhere, anytime — at work, a stressful moment at home, in the middle of the night… I’ve been using it and it’s absolutely brilliant:

Sit back and  relax and close your eyes.

Imagine a dot to your right & a dot to your left, both in your peripheral vision.

Focus on dot to right, & then dot to  left. (If you can’t see dots, just imagine them or sense them.)

Again, focus on dot to  right & then dot to left. Take your time.  Repeat for total of six times.

Then take deep breath in; & exhale fully.

From this more centered place in your body, observe your next 3 breaths. Enjoy this quiet space.

When you’re ready, open your eyes & slowly come back to the present.

Notice whatever you notice from this more centered place.

• • (to hear this as an audio, go to Stacey Mayo’s  “I’ll Pay You to Be Quiet Video Contest,”  recommended below. It’s her idea.)

#2. Lift your mood  – in 30 seconds!

Try skipping. You know…. SKIPPING!

Like Dorothy and the gang going arm-in-arm down the yellow brick road…

Next time you feel down or a bit blah, try skipping — even just ten steps. (Note: when you least feel like skipping is when you need it most.)

The action of skipping is joyful, light, and free; it automatically puts you in a more positive frame of mind.

Try it: it’s virtually impossible to skip without smiling!

Like an instant vacation…

#3: Go play with yourself.

(Now, that only sounds suspect if you have a dirty mind…)

I’m talking about making a “play date” with yourself.

Here’s how:

Set aside an hour to try out something new, something you’d like to play with — art supplies, a friend’s guitar, your daughter’s funky hair accessories, dancing to a favorite CD  — anything that strikes you as fun. And perhaps a bit adventurous.

(One time I took all the spices and herbs out of the kitchen and made them into mandala patterns on the back deck… What a delight for my senses of sight, smell, touch, & taste!)

The best playdates are unstructured and done on your own, so you can really explore freely.

It’s the freedom to play that makes the hour such a refreshing vacation from “regular life”…

Try it out, and let me know what happens!

And even though we’re more than halfway through July, there are still
36 luminaries and world-renowned experts presenting some of
their best content… all for free.

The only thing you have to do is register — then you can
participate in up to 3 of the highly engaging MaestroMonth
teleconference calls.

see the line-up & register

Who exactly is still “on deck”? Here’s a taste…

Terri Levine, Michael Port, Mari Smith, John Assaraf, Neale
Donald Walsch, and dozens more. When you go to register,
you’ll see a comprehensive list.

I was on a Maestro call last week with Brian Johnson of Philosophers Notes, and it was awesome. Powerful content, meaningful conversation with someone I admire, plus I got to connect with other call participants. Very cool!

Participating in these interactive calls — and engaging
your favorite experts — is 100% free. I encourage you to
get registered now…

click here

To your success,
Pamela

P.S. If you’re accustomed to regular teleseminar
presentations, get ready for something VERY different.

There will be breakout groups, Q&A sessions, group polling,
and more. Each expert really engages you and provides plenty
of opportunity to interact.

check it out

Open the door to fulfilling your dreams

How we spend our days is, of course,
how we spend our lives.
– Annie Dillard

Ever have a dream (travel, dream house, buff body, fulfilling work…) but no idea how to get there? When what we want doesn’t fit into our current life, we often just give up in frustration: “oh, it’s impossible.”

But it’s NOT “impossible” (few things are). And if we allow ourselves to experience today some of what we’re wanting to have, be or do in the future, the dream goal suddenly becomes much more real and accessible.

Here’s how to get a vivid taste of what you long for, today. Not only does it feel great, it can open the door to unexpected ways of fulfilling your dream:

1. focus on what you’re wanting
(some examples: travel; new car; sense of peace)

2. brainstorm: what experiences could give you a taste of having it NOW?
(example for travel: look at pictures or movie of place you want to go; for car: test-drive new car you want; for peace: try meditating)

3. pick one experience, and do it today
(Just do it! And see what opens up.)

4. cultivate habits or rituals that are aligned with this experience — keep on ‘tasting’ until it’s truly in your life.
(example for travel: create travel vision board* & use it every day; car: open “car savings account” & make deposit every week, no matter how small; peace: commit to meditating every day)

(*if you don’t know what a vision board is or how it works, see http://tinyurl.com/about-vision-boards)

I just followed this process myself, and it was awesome!

The outdoor office…

My business partner Carmen and I just did a 2-day retreat to plan our new “Strategic Planning with Vision” offering (official launch this fall). Not only did we get LOTS done, we also experienced a way of life we’ve both been dreaming of.

Our retreat was at the lovely lakeside home of a friend (thanks Melina!) — and Carmen and I both want to live by the water. Not only that, it was a place of such peace, abundance, ease, and beauty — just what I want to have more of in my life.

Along with accomplishing work goals in a beautiful outdoor setting, I got to start each day with yoga and meditation by the shore, and also had time for drawing, great conversations, exercise, reading, and delicious meals. Plus I felt very grateful to stay in Melina’s gorgeous home, so full of art and love and hospitality.

It was an experience of living my dream lifestyle. And what I’ve taken from it is gut-level confidence that I can have all this in my life.

To begin, I’ve created a new habit: start each day with yoga & meditation (outdoors if possible) — no matter what’s going on in my life and schedule. And I’ve started collecting images of my dream home and art studio for a new vision board …

So if there’s something you’ve been wanting but you just don’t see how to get it, try this out and let me know what happens! (Here’s what our “dream experience” did for Carmen: she’s spending this week at art camp doing watercolors — and reclaiming her inner artist!)

If you want help brainstorming “tastes” of your dreams, drop me a line. I’ll answer as many as I can.

I was immediately hooked just by the name “Thoth” (in my first and only Tarot card reading recently, I was told that my card is Thoth the Messenger…)

Then when S.K. Thoth started explaining the imaginary world behind his music and dancing, I was suddenly thrown back to early adolescence (12-15) when I created an imaginary world of my own. It was called Ganter Galia, and it too had its own languages, maps, religions, writing systems, peoples, cultures, history, and characters.

I created GG with my best friend Smita, and one of the many ways we evolved GG was performing sacred dances and songs for each other in honor of the Ganter Galian gods and goddesses and their myths, much like S.K. Thoth’s operatic story cycle.

Wow, I never knew anyone else did that…

In some ways GG was the most fully self-expressed period of my life: I wore strange clothes, danced and sang passionately, filled notebooks with GG writings and drawings, composed music on the piano and cello, invented GG food (and brought it to school in my lunch box…), kept a dream journal, experienced altered states of consciousness in what I now recognize was meditation, even had visions.

Not surprisingly I was a totally weird outcast in jr. high. But I didn’t care — I knew I had god-like powers of creation that others, poor things, were far too “normal” and timid to access.

(S.K. Thoth knows the same thing, but he’s much more compassionate and generous: he seeks to connect with others and awaken it in them. That’s what makes him truly a “divine messenger” like his namesake.)

I put away GG and became “normal” at age 15 when I realized that boys would never be interested in a girl from another planet. The choice seemed clear: creativity/full self-expression, or sex/popularity. Hormones won…

Many years later I am slowly reclaiming that exuberant creativity and the courage to live with an ever-more-open heart.

I am so grateful for Thoth’s fearless example — he reminds me that there is still, always, much farther to expand. And that every time one of us expands, it is a gift and encouragement to us all.