Insanity is genetic,

Responsibility vs obligation

2013-03-22T00:31:00.001-07:00

So I ran across this on Facebook, about 20 mins after I gave one of my dogs away.

I 98% agree with this.

Pets are a great way to teach kids responsibility and compassion. Sometimes however it is more responsible to give a pet up than to keep trying to fix them.

We got a second Dog 10 months ago. He was left in an empty home with another dog. He freaks out when you leave him home alone or kennel him. HE actually ate my wall once. HE is afraid of teenagers.

We recently moved and our new home is on a much busier street. It seems like all the progress we had made with him over the last 6 months has come undone. He is getting jumpier by the day

Yesterday he broke out a window and went after the mail man. My other dog followed him through the window. I decided the stress was too much for the youngest dog and gave him to a family member who lives way out in the country. He knows this person and spends a lot of time there anyways.

I felt really bad sending him away. I try to teach my kids that your responsibility to others does not end when it becomes hard or inconvenient and here I am sending my dog away because I just can't handle him. His new home has a LOT more time to dedicate to him but it still seemed a lot like passing the buck to me.

Now I have found out that one of my Dogs bit the mailman. The dog catcher thinks it will all be ok as I have done my best to rectify the situation and sent the instigator away. I had not realized that he was bit when I made the decision but now I realize I made the right one. My responsibility is not only to my pets but to everyone else around me.

That is also something my kids need to learn. You have to make decisions for the good of the whole, not just yourself

Many parents from Steubenville should be ashamed of their offspring.

2013-03-19T12:18:00.002-07:00

I have been following, with a broken heart, the trial coverage of the Steubenville rape case. I am shocked that these 2 young men are being portrayed as victims. They repeatedly raped and humiliated a young woman. laughed about it online and then the media cries foul when they become registered sex offenders.

WTF I don't think I even want to live in this world anymore.

This article gives a good summary of what the boys did and the media reaction to their sentencing for anyone who is unfamiliar with the case.

I would like to think Steubenville is a cesspool of moral degradation but I have a strange feeling it is much like any other town. What these boys did is sick enough but the fact that their (and the victims) peers took pictures and encouraged this behavior is where my mind truly boggles. The fact that some of their parents are trying to save them nearly makes my brain explode.

I have 2 boys whom I love with all my heart. I am very anti corporal punishment. I think children deserve to be treated with respect.

But if I EVER EVER EVER!!! found out they took pictures of something like this for any reason other than to text them immediately to a police officer you can bet your ass I would not be begging the courts to go easy on them. In fact if my kids had a lick of sense (which by this point they would have obviously proved they did not and that I was a horrid failure as a parent) they would be BEGGING the judge for the maximum sentence just so I could not get my hand on them.

We are responsible to teach our children right from wrong. We are responsible to teach them that the right thing and the easy thing are rarely the same. We have a responsibility to all of society not to unleash self absorbed, heartless, assholes on the Jane (and John) Doe's of this world. If despite our best efforts our kids turn out to be predators or soulless deviants we have a responsibility to hold them out and allow justice to be served. If you are not prepared to do so you should not have children.

Having children is a huge responsibility. Not just in terms of having to care for them but because how you raise them will affect EVERY living being they come in contact with their entire lives

Give your kids a bullshit detector

2013-01-13T19:28:00.000-08:00

I was watching the the Joe Rogan Experience and Neil DeGrasse Tyson was his guest. I will admit that I did not watch the entire thing but the little bit I did watch got me thinking. They were discussing Conspiracy theories and how people tend to believe what others tell them. I see evidence of this in my own life. If you state a fact with complete and utter confidence people tend to believe you.

This is how I convinced my 19 year old brother that eating neon birthday candles would give him brightly colored poop, like an Easter egg.

The more we hear different voices saying the same thing the more likely we are to believe it. Take the whole moon landing conspiracy theory. It has been repeated so loudly for so long that to many it sounds like facts. When you ask people to explain why they think the way they do they just repeat the garbage others have filled their heads with.

So bringing this back to parenting, because this is a parenting blog, we do the same to our children. We tell them the way the world works. A millions whys follow and we try to answer them all. Usually arriving at the destined conclusion of :it just is"

Instead try asking them why, what they think. Sure they will probably be wrong a lot but that is ok. Let them be wrong and make mistakes. The important thing is teaching them to question and to use their own deductive reasoning.

Children are the masters at scientific method. For example they may think that feeding the dogs pop rocks would be funny. So they test their hypothesis by finding some pop rocks and the family pet. Or maybe they want to see how high they can make waves go by sliding back and forth in the bath tub. So they immediately start an experiment to find the answer. At this point mom or dad generally ruins the experiment by demanding they stop splashing and making a mess.

k- why
p - because you are getting my floor all wet
k - No I'm not
p -Yes you are. Just stop or you are getting out of the tub

Yeah we have had that exchange in my home and in most other homes that have small children. It is easy to demand our kids just shut up and listen for once in their lives. Just once believe what I tell you and trust me that I have a good reason for saying and doing what I do. Someday that will happen, and that day is always sad. The day they start taking knowledge at face value is the day their curiosity starts to atrophy. It is the day the weakening of their bullshit detectors begins.

Take heart when you kids demand answers, and want to know why. When they test your answers against the laws of physics. The goal of parenting is not well behaved children, it is self sufficient adults. I want my kids to question everything, even mom. After all I am still human and I do screw up

No guarantees

2012-12-14T16:00:00.003-08:00

Events in Colorado today reminds us all there are no guarantees. Enjoy everything while you can.

I am probably more aware of my childrens mortality than most parents having lost a son. Tragedies like today's shooting remind us all that each moment we get with our kids is precious. The problem is too many people will forget today's lesson in a week or 2.

Today I learned about the shootings just as I was heading out to the dollar store. While I was there I saw a parent yelling at her 3 or 4 yr old son for trying to say hi to a cashier at the next register over. While some parents were waiting to hear if their kid was alive and others were trying to continue living while their babies were dead this person was yelling at their kid for being friendly.

I don't know the lady personally. Chances are she is not a bad parent. She, like most of us, just assumes there will be time later to make up for being cranky, short tempered or just not having time.

We can't make it up though. Each moment lost can never be recovered. No angry words can ever be taken back.

we only get one chance, one childhood. Make sure if the worst happens you have good memories to hold. No one ever sits at their childs funeral saying "I wish I had kept up on the dishes better" or "I am so glad I never let them ruin their new jeans by puddle jumping"

Seize the moment and squeeze out every smile you can.

Childhood is a time for magic

2012-12-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

My children slay dragons. That is the joy of childhood. To a child dragons are real. So are faries, witches, mermaids and Santa Claus.

Lately though I see more and more parents opting to teach their kids from the get go that Santa is not real. I know these people in real life and cyber space. Generally I see it as a parents prerogative to raise their children as they see fit as long as they are care for. However this is my blog so I am gonna rant.

There are lots of reasons parents choose not tell tell their kids Santa is real. I am going to talk about the most common ones I hear.

I don't lie to my kid.

Yes you do we all do. We tell them if they smoke they will get lung cancer when in reality it just puts them at risk for it. We tell then that everything will be ok when they are sad or afraid and we all know that is the biggest lie ever. If you have an ugly kid I bet you don't tell them that. If your kid gets cancer I bet you don't say "you are probably going to die" even if it is true.

Yeah Santa is technically a lie. It is called a white lie, kinda like the one you told when your wife asked if she looked fat in her new skinny jeans.

I don't want some imaginary person getting credit for the presents I buy.

Credit! seriously? wow if you are worried about getting the credit for making your kid happy you REALLY miss the point of Christmas and kindness in general. You should not be teaching your kid that getting credit is important but that kindness is its own reward.

It is traumatic when they learn the truth.

really? for who? I don't remember being traumatized and neither do any of my friends.

Here is the thing, by opting out of Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Gnomes, and all sorts of magic you are taking your child's only opportunity to believe. This is not something that mentally stable adults can do.

A large part of a child's innocence is their ability to believe there is so much more to this world than what we see. To know with a certainty that only the young have, that tomorrow will be better. Why would anyone intentionally put a lid on that?

Letter to Santa 2012

2012-12-04T05:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa;

I have been a pretty good girl this year. I only drank till I puked once. That is one day out of 365 or 0.0027% of the time. That is pretty impressive considering 100% of the time I am have a hankering to get puke your guts up and black out drunk.

Ok that last bit was a bit of an exaggeration. That urge goes away when all the kids and sleeping and I am watching Big Bang Theory.

I also have not laid the smack down on anyone all year long. Not my dogs when they ate my couch. Not my toddler when he made soup in a pillow case. BTW did you know soup required eggs? Not my husband when he taught the kids a colorful new word when they team wiped on WOW. See Santa I AM good.

I would like some new K-cups for my Keurieg machine. Specifically I would like for it to make vodka valium mocha lattes in which I don't have to add my own vodka or Valium. That Santa is a gift that would keep on giving. I guarantee my family would like it as I would not get as worked up over dog poop on the floor, crayons on the wall or dirty socks in the couch.

The second thing on my list is a soundproof bedroom. Now don't get all perverted an think I am worried about waking my kids having wild monkey sex, those boys sleep like rocks, I just want to sleep without ANYONE waking me up. Oh the pure bliss that would be 8 hours of sleep where I don't wake because the dog is chewing something upstairs, or because something fell off a shelf in my 10 year olds room, or because the baby is making whimpering noises in his sleep. Imagine how much longer my K cups will last if I don't wake up exhausted every day.

Thanks for what I know is going to be the best Christmas ever

Be the person you want your kids to be

2012-09-19T08:50:00.000-07:00

So gram has been here almost 2 weeks now. My house is a write off, I hurt in places I didn't know I had muscles and I think I need a good stiff drink.

Don't get me wrong I am glad she is here and that I don't have to worry about the things I did before but I think the adjustment period will be longer than expected. I spend an hour a day helping her get to and from the bathroom. Getting her showered is almost another hour. That is not including the meal prep, cleaning, laundry, and general small needs.

Still in spite of the relentless charlie horse in me legs, the sore hands, and the bruises from catching her when she falls I am glad we decide to bring her here. It gives me peace of mind, it gives her time with family and it teaches my kids something about family and responsibility.

Sometimes it is necessary to institutionalize the elderly. Sometimes they need more than we can offer or need 24 hr a day medical care. I don't want to raise kids who view that as a first resort. I want my kids to value the elderly for what they contribute to our society.

The monster in in grade 5 this year and doing a term of french immersion. My grandmother is Acadian and french is her first language. She will be able to help him in ways I never could even though I am proficient in french.

Galactus is the most wild 2 year old I have ever met. He is learning that he HAS to tone it down and he can't be rough with her.

Someday I hope to be 78. If I still have my wits I would rather be with family than anywhere else. The best way to ensure that is to model that behavior for my kids and offer the same to gram.

9 times out of 10 kids become what they see rather than what we tell them to be. Make sure you are being the person you want your kids to be

It ian't easy being small

2012-07-29T19:20:00.002-07:00

Kids have it made right? No work, minimal responsibility, lots of time to play with friends, and until the age of two they can watch tv and shit their pants without anyone judging. Kinda make you wonder why they complain so damn much?

It drives me nuts when my kids complain about how hard life is. I have yet to meet a parent who it doesn't drive crazy. However before you dismiss their concerns or belittle their problems by comparing them with your own grown up and therefor much more important problems, you should take a moment and look at it from their perspective.

Adults get to pick their own jobs.
Kids are stuck in school 5 days a week because they are told to. If they don't like it they can't look for a better school with more pay and more free play time.

Adults eat what they choose to cook.
Kids get food plunked in front of them often with little or no input as to their preferences

Adults go to bed when they are tired
Kids go when we say so

Adults always pick out their own clothes
Kids do sometimes as long as we approve

Adults don't have people in their house they don't like
Children are stuck with your friends kids

Adults expect to be listened to when they have a problem
Kids can't always articulate their problems even when they are not being trivialized

This list could go on for a very long time but you get the idea.

Being a kid looks like it is all fun and games from where we stand but do we like it when other people tell us how we have to live our lives? Obviously we have to make decisions for our kids. That is what being a parent means but that does not mean we need to act like dictators. Empowering our kids doesn't take a lot of effort on our part and it makes it easier for them to handle things they really have no choice about (like going to school).

When you are making a grocery list have your kids go through the weekly fliers with you. Not only does this allow them to have some input into the menu it also teaches them how to watch sales, budget, make a meal plan, and gives you some quality time together.

Let them leave the house dressed in weather appropriate clashing colours and prints. Who is it going to hurt? There are obvious exceptions like weddings and funerals but day care or the corner store? What is the worst that will happen? someone will judge you for letting your kid be happy.

There are lots of small decisions that kids can make for themselves. If they have slight negative consequences all the better as you get a teaching moment as well.

They only get one childhood.

This shit is not ok

2012-07-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a PSA about domestic violence. I didn't need it, I lived the reality as a child. I know the fear and helplessness that comes with it. That is something my kids will never experience. My boys are very unlikely to be the victims of domestic violence. But they need to know about it. They need to see. They need to understand. Because if they don't, and I turn them loose on the female population, I am part of the problem.

Here is the video that sparked this post. This is the reality that many women live with. I have watched women cover the busies and stop smiling so no one would see their broken teeth. Sometimes the men who did this to them come from violent homes. Others have mothers who would be shocked.

As parents we want to assume the best of our kids. We want to believe there is no need to tell them not to do things that are obviously bad. after all we have taught them through example right?

Many of us have. Many of us also skip past what could be a great learning experience and teaching moment. When our kids read or watch Twilight do we take the time to explain why Edwards behaviors should have sent up red flags for Bella.

When Chris Brown and Rhianna make headlines do we stop and use that opportunity to discuss with our daughters why they should NEVER accept being treated that way. To explain to our sons exactly what is wrong with Chris Brown and how she didn't deserve what happened.

The thing is everything around us is a teaching opportunity. Yeah Eminem sometimes talks about beating women like in the song Kim

And yes it is wrong but I was actually GLAD peoepl were bitching about the song because it meant they were talking about abuse. Knowing teen sons listened to Eminem made many parents actually TALK about the contents of the song and share their feelings with their kids.

We need to talk to our sons and have ongoing conversations about abuse. It is too late when they are men.

The language of hate

2012-06-27T19:58:00.000-07:00

Babies are not born hating people.

Kids do not naturally discriminate

We teach them.

In some cases the teaching is obvious and overt

Let's face it no one is going to be surprised if this guys kid is a racist homophobic. Most of us however a bit more evolved than him and teach our children tolerance and acceptance.

Or do we?

Have you or people you invite into your home ever used the phrase "nigger rigged"? Described something stupid as being "gay" or "retarded"? Ever said someone "Gyped" you?

Chances are your kids have heard you, or someone you allow to be around them, use these phrases or others like them?

When I put out the call to find out what the worst thing people ever said within earshot of a child was 90% of the answers were sex based. A few were violence based and those were usually hyperbole of some sort.

So for example one guy confessed to saying as a teen ""I'd give five bucks to see the bitch die." when discussing a much hated teacher within earshot of kids.

and another confessed to saying he wanted to "high five buddy, in the face, with a bat"

The vast majority were sex related though. Being overheard talking about getting or giving oral sex, talking about who they want to have sex with, or how they like having sex.

I don't see this as a bad thing. Yeah it may be a little TMI for a 7 year old but at least they are sending the message that normal peoepl like sex.

The fact that this is what 90% of the surveyed population had, for a go to answer, a discussion about a normal human activity. Isn't that something we want our kids to be comfortable discussing.

If THAT is the worst thing my kids ever heard adults around them say then it woudl be great but it is not.

I am lucky to raise kids in an age and area where they are not likely to hear anyone throwing around the words like nigger and spick in a department store. they will however hear people refer to clothes as "gay" or "retarded". Every time they hear this they are being told that there is something wrong with being gay or handicap. Every time we use those words we are telling everyone around us that those types of people are "less than"

Yeah sure that may not be what we mean but it is what we are saying. It is the message we are giving to the next generation.

I am also sick of hearing people refer to being "raped" in a video game or argument Rape is not a synonym for loosing. Don't belittle a victims pain by comparing their trauma to getting shot in call of duty or loosing an internet argument. When we do this we are telling young girls that being raped is no big deal. Is that the message we want to send our daughters? or even worse do we want to minimalize the act of raping women for our sons?

Why are the majority of our swear words about sex or body parts. Why does saying fuck illicit a stronger reaction than belittling an entire cultural group by saying someone Gyp'ed you?

We teach our kids to hate. We preach tolerance and speak hate. We live in a society where violence is glorified and sex is shamed.

Titanic is deemed inappropriate for kids because of the sex and nudity. Apparently the domestic violence and murder of the lower class is ok but heaven forbid a kid see a titty.

Prostitutes are villanized in our culture while drug dealers and thugs are glamorized. Somehow it is worse to sell sex than crack

We are teaching our children to hate. Never to do so overtly but to hate none the less. We are teaching them to view marginalized groups as slightly less than. Perhaps still deserving of equal rights but not as good as us none the less. Worse in many cases we are teaching them to hate themselves.

We are teaching them that being a "closet case" is a bad thing every time we use those words with disdain.

We are teaching them that to have sexual desires is to be bad every time we hastily change the channel at the sight of a nipple

We are teaching them that women are made to be victims every time we throw around words lightly that should be powerful

Hate is king and love is shameful

I turned out fine

2012-06-21T07:12:00.002-07:00

Did you? Well good for you but I have slightly higher hopes for my kids than "not a deranged serial killer/rapist".

Fine is the minimum I want for my kids. OK is still having a pulse when they achieve adult hood. That is not my GOAL as a parent.

"I was spanked as a kid and I turned out fine"

Well good for you. You know who else was spanked as a kid? Hitler.

Now I am not saying the spanking is what made him psychotic but it also isn't what make you "fine"

I mean lets stop and think about what spanking teaches a kid. It teaches them that people who are bigger than them are allowed to assault them (and by legal definitions it is assault). It teaches kids that people who have authority are allowed to touch your bum without permission. And it teaches them not to get caught being bad because if you get caught someone will hurt you.

"I was made to eat what my parents put in front of me and I turned out fine"

Again so this is the reason you are "fine"?

What percentage of our population has food and weight issues? Just checking.

We use the "I turned out fine" to justify treating our kids as second class citizens. They are human beings as well. They have feelings that are just as valid as an adults. Would it be ok for your boss to hit you when you screw up because he already told you 5 times and if you keep doing it you may hurt yourself or break something or do you as a human being demand to be treated with a bit more respect than that?

Call me slacker mom

2012-06-13T08:40:00.001-07:00

I have never claimed to be super mom. My kids don't eat an organic diet, they watch TV and play video games, they have dirty faces and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

It never occurred to me that I would be judged on my toddlers table manners. That having spaghetti in your eyebrows at two was socially unacceptable.

The mommy wars have went too far and they are sucking the fun out of childhood. Kids should be allowed to be loud and messy in appropriate places. A kid covered in dirt at a park is not a big deal. A kid squealing with happiness going down a water slide is perfectly acceptable.

I am tired of seeing mothers try and stop their kids from being kids because someone else may judge them.

Judge away I say. Let your inner asshattery show.

Tell me to my face I am a bad mother for having a mud covered toddler and dog, go on, I dare ya.

Being a kid is about pretending you are a dog without people judging you

it is about eating cake like cookie monster and admitting forks are the enemy

It is about feeling the pumpkin guts squish between your fingers.

Why do you care if you got every last speck of dirt off their hand before running to the corner store? Before a wedding yes, before getting butter ... not so much. Why do you care if they make barking noises at pedestrians you pass. Sure it is inappropriate for a fancy restaurant but just out for a walk? What are you afraid of? That someone is going to give you a dirty look? silently judge you? Talk about you later?

Screw em. You only get one chance at a childhood, make sure it rocks for your kids. If something happened and you lost your kid tomorrow you wouldn't say things like
"I wish his face had been cleaner"
"I wish my dishes had always been done"
no it woudl be "I wish I played with them more" or "I wish I hadn't told them no quite so much"

I may loose the mommy wars and I am ok with that as long as I give my kids an awesome childhood.

Holy crap, it really is over.

2012-05-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

Galactus slept in his big boy bed for the first time last night. I just realized that by this time next week I could be returning the crib Dad made, for the last time.It is the same crib I used for my eldest almost 10 years ago.

Galactus is also showing some interest in potty training. That means after this summer I will never have to change a diaper again unless I choose to care for a kid in diapers.

Never again will I be forced to go a year without sleep because I have a newborn who doesn't need sleep. Never again will I spend a fortune on diapers. Never again will I have to buy a carseat.

I had my tubes tied two years ago but it really hit me this morning I AM DONE!

I spent all my adult life pregnant, trying to avoid pregnancy, trying to get pregnant, or dealing with an infant. In fact I would go so far as to say after 9 pregnancies, 3 boys, and loosing one son, pregnancy and infant care has pretty much defined my adult life.

Parenting still is and will continue to be a major aspect of who I am but so much of the labor intensive stuff is behind me. In some ways it is more intimidating than striking out on my own for the first time was. At least then I had not getting pregnant to worry about :)

Occupy Kids.

2012-05-01T15:01:00.000-07:00

Some would say politics have no place on a parenting blog. To them I say "screw you it's my blog".

Politics play an important part in parenting. It is through our politics both passive and active that our kids learn their place in the world.

If you constantly complain about the state of your country but do nothing to change it you are teaching your children that they are powerless. If you go out and help campaign, protest, write angry blog post, or otherwise get involved you teach your kids that the voice of the individual matters.

When it comes right down to it kids are really our only hope. If we can ingrain social responsibility in them at a young age it will be habit by the time they are adults.

My eldest wanted an Ipod for his 10th Bday. We discussed the reasons why I am not comfortable giving Apple our money and while he still wants something to play fun apps on he is resigned to it not being an Ipod.

It is much easier to learn to recycle as a kid than to break the habit of chucking everything in the trash as an adult.

Politicians talk a lot of shit about children being our most precious resource then they cut funding to schools and early childhood programs.

Make time to empower your kids. To discuss politics with them, current events, social responsibility, and all those other adult subjects. You might even learn something.

When they come home from school outraged about global warming, famine in Africa, or Garbage in the ocean don't tell them not to worry. Ask them what they plan to do about it.

Apathy is what is killing our communities and our world. To be part of the solution we have to stop teaching the problem.

I see a lot of comments mocking the Occupy protesters and asking what they hope to accomplish. Maybe they won't accomplish anything but at least they have tried. They can look at their kids at the end of the day and say "we did what we could to give you a brighter future". I don't know if they will succeed in the end, if fairness and the American dream will be reestablished, but I do know they are teaching their kids, and an entire generation, to try.

Galactus stikes again

2012-04-17T16:10:00.000-07:00

I AM BABY GALACTUS DESTROYER OF ROOMS

I don't know why I even bother trying to clean. Other women can have a toddler and a clean house but I am apparently incapable. Whenever we go visit a friend of mine who has kids and a spotless house I always secretly suspect they drug them to get housework done.

See that picture. That happened while I was doing housework. I was hanging clothes on the back deck. I should have known better and tied Galactus to the dog run to keep him out of trouble while I did so but instead I left him unsupervised for 2 whole minutes. He emptied his diaper bag which I can deal with. He also got into my pantry and dumped 2 kilos of icing sugar on my floor.

Oh yeah never a dull moment. And then while I was st- st- st- st- stuttering like Porky Pig he decided he could make it all better

Um yeah ... grinding it into the floor while spreading it around isn't helping much. Maybe you could just run before I regain my senses and duct tape you to a chair for three mins peace

Stranger Danger ... are you kidding me?

2012-04-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

Despite knowing better the image of a strange man offering our kids candy in an effort to lure them away is still the dominant image in our minds when we think of childhood abuse and abductions.

Lets be honest here, despite what the media wants us to think random abductions are really not worth spending a significant amount of time worrying about. Strangers are not people our children need to have an inherent fear of but friends waiting to happen.

Yes our children need to be taught how to interact safely with others but many parents, in attempting to do so, actually endanger their kids.

Never go in a car with a stranger.

Seems like sound advice to me but what does a kid hear? When coach Bob asks them to go for a ride they run through their list of memorized rules and decide it is ok since he is not a stranger.

To me a more sensible rule is Never go anywhere with anyone unless you ask me first.

Never take candy from strangers.

Yeah we force them to break this one all the time. Halloween, Christmas, the first time they meet great aunt Bessie

Don't talk to strangers

wait a few hours and the same parent is demanding they say hello to a long lost friend or a co worker who is a stranger to the child.

This is part of the reason why stranger danger doesn't work. The other part is that it also enforces the mindset that the people we know are good people. Reality tells us that our kids are more likely to be harmed by someone they know.

Instead we need to teach our children that it is important never to go anywhere with anyone unless they have our permission.

To never let anyone cross their personal boundaries

And to run to a stranger for help if no one else is available. Odds are they are not a pedophile. In fact odds are most people we meet in life are not pedophiles.

When my eldest went to Universal Studios he was instructed to look for a woman with kids and ask her for help should he get separated from his Gram. Statistically that is the safest person for them to turn to.

Media fear mongering has parents imagining a shadowy boogeyman in every corner but truth is MOST people don't want to hurt your kid

Instead of constantly telling our children what they need to fear and avoid we need to teach them how to be proactive

Forget the Klondike bar

2012-04-10T05:07:00.003-07:00

What would I do for a Klondike bar? Well if I was really desperate I would WALK to the store. In an extreme circumstance I would do so AFTER borrowing money from my kid because I was broke and dying for a Klondike Bar.

More than likely though I would just grab a can of Coke and get over it. I mean really it is a KLONDIKE bar. You wanna hear some really extreme (honest) answers? ask a few mothers of babies and toddlers what they would do for a nap and the guarantee of waking up to a clean house.

Would you
* Eat your husbands cooking
* Let the crazy ladies from 'How Clean is your House' into you bathroom
*wrestle an alligator
*Yell "Guns kill people" at a NRA rally
*wear fur to a PETA meeting
*Wear underwear made of duct tape
*let your preschooler pick out clothes and do your makeup for a high school reunion

The answer is a resounding HELL YES!

Whatever a supposedly sane person would do for a Klondike Bar I'll double it for a nap!, and triple it for a nap coupled with a clean house!

We don't even discuss what I would do for self washing laundry .....

You are why we don't own nice things!

2012-04-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously there is no point in owning nice things if you have a toddler!

In fact there is no point in owning anything, they will ruin it. We got a car last week. It isn't new but it is new to us. I have to get a key copied for it tomorrow ... if I find the original,

Of course it only came with one key, and of course my key peg had to fall off the wall and of course my toddler found the key .... and now I can't

I asked him where the key was. I bribed him, and eventually he went and got the keys. The plastic lightning McQueen keys.

I have spent most of my day cleaning. His room is SPOTLESS! I even checked inside his hand puppets.

I can't find them.

I dug through my trash. I have a kid in diapers. there was no key, there was a lot of diapers though and some oatmeal.

I have checked every nook and cranny I can find

I found my cordless phone we lost months ago .

I found some poker chips to hubbys set

I found my oldest child's favorite D20

I never found the keys

I found a cat turd

I lost my sanity

I hope the zombies come soon, preferably before my husband comes home and I have to explain how I lost his car keys. I still have MY van keys but not the keys to his car

Hairy BFFs

2012-04-04T13:32:00.001-07:00

Perhaps I spend too much time on the internet but there seems to be a growing segment of the population who thinks pets are bad for children. They will go ON AND ON about how you should never leave a kid alone with a pet. Especially a dog.

Well I don't know about other parents but for me that would mean I can't HAVE a pet because I need to do things like pee and hang out laundry.

Yes there is a chance of a pet hurting your child. There is also a chance of your child falling off a swing, breaking their leg in a gopher hole, or chocking to death on a piece of popcorn. If a pet is properly trained and socialized it lowers the risk to a level that I am definitely comfortable with.

Pets have enriched my children's lives . It teaches them to be considerate of the needs of others. It teaches them to treat all living things with kindness. It teaches them how to deal with loss when a pet dies. Most importantly it teaches them responsibility and unconditional love.

As great as all that is though the real reason I wanted my boys to have pets is for the joy animals bring to their lives. When my eldest is fighting with his best friend having Mew2 of Clifford (our cats) curl up with him always puts a smile on his face.

As for the baby, his best friend in the world has four legs and smells bad when he is wet. Carnage is never too busy cleaning the bathroom or cooking supper to snuggle up or (like in this picture) take a 45 min nap with him.

Animals were an important part of growing up for me. We always had pets. I missed watching me eldest bond with animals as a toddler because of where we lived but even then we had fish.

I think caring for animals makes us better people. It instills empathy in us at an early age. While it is not always possible to have a pet I think every child that can should

Mom the technotard

2012-03-26T09:18:00.002-07:00

When I was in high school my parents didn't talk much about the dangers of the internet. Once I think they saw something on the news and said "don't meet boys from the internet" and them promptly forgot the internet existed. We didn't have a computer in our home, only one (yes 1) of my friends did, kids never had cell phones and the few adults who did definitely never had a web browser on them. the need to teach internet and technology safety didn't exist for my parents. Lucky damn bastards

The technology that did exist I used against my parents every chance I got. My parents saw caller ID was a way to verify that I really was calling from my best friends house, it took my friends and I 5 minutes to figure out how to defeat caller ID with the aid of three way calling.

So now I have kids and the technology my parents had no need to fear is everywhere. Heck we have a computer in our dining room! In two years when my eldest hits grade 6 he will be given a laptop by the school. How the hell do I control his internet presence when the damn school gives him a computer? OK sure they can't access facebook on the school computers but you can get in plenty of trouble without facebook. Heck I remember going to my friends house (you remember me talking about that one girl that had a home computer) and playing on ICQ. In hindsight it was just sheer luck that we were not raped and murdered. Oh my god, we would be sitting there at 3 am talking to random internet guys while her parents snored away in the next room. Internet safety was something we taught each other.

How do I keep my kids from endangering themselves? Yes we have talked about not disclosing personal information with strangers, but how do I know he is listening? Right now he is ten and I have manged to convince him I am more computer savvy than I actually am. For example we have a rule. If you delete the computer history you loose all electronic privileges for month. That,s a great rule ... if I knew how to access my computer history. My husband does but I don't.

I am a technotard. I know just enough to grasp all the dangers and pitfalls but not enough to ensure my kid stays away from them. So with that said does anyone have any suggestions?

All suggestions are to be made in plain English. Any and all suggestions made in tech talk will result in the commenter being called extremely unflattering names.

You're reading letting them read WHAT?!

2012-03-24T05:28:00.000-07:00

What do you mean Harry Potter will warp my child's mind? I just heard your kid talking about Jersey Shore.

It is often difficult to judge what is appropriate for your child to read,watch, and play at what age. It is always a balancing act and in the end there will ALWAYS be someone who tells you that you are too strict, too lenient., or in my case downright crazy.

My boys are coming up on 10 and 2. My ten year old loves zombie movies, games and books. Now there are a lot of parents who feel that zombies are inappropriate for their 10 year old, that's fine their kid their choice.

Until my kid could grasp the basic concept of real vs make believe (about 4) he was limited to blues clues and elmo. He only watched shows that his reenacting wouldn't cause issues. I was often called crazy and over protective but I felt at 2 and 3 he couldn't yet differentiate between spider man beating up the green goblin and him beating up his best friend. That part of his brain that housed common sense hadn't developed yet.

Over the intervening years what he is allowed to watch has expanded greatly but my basic rules for censoring his screen time varied greatly from that of other parents.

I could care less if he watches a movie with nudity or even consensual sex (not porn mind you I am thinking more like Titanic) my reasoning being that I assume and even hope that one day he will have consensual sexual relationships, but the Simpsons are off limits. This has a lot of people shaking their heads at me but I don't allow TV that glamorizes sexism, racism, and stereotypes.

Killing zombies is ok, that is self defense, killing people for fun is not cool. That is why my kid owns land of the dead but we had a big fight when I told him he couldn't watch Saw even if all his friends had, I don't approve of torture porn.

My kid plays Call of Duty, Gears of War, and Left 4 Dead, I get a lot of shit for that but it doesn't really bother me since I am comfortable with my decisions. there is a legit reason for the killing in those games so I let him play and use them as a teaching opportunity to discuss why it is ok to shoot an invader but not the bully down the road, what makes it different and where our personal line in the sand is drawn. I am still the meanest mother in "all of everywhere" though because I refuse to let him play Grand Theft Auto because it glamorizes a lifestyle I disagree with.

It is a balancing act for every parent trying to find the line between over protective and exposing your child to potentially harmful material

Does your family have a zombie plan?

2012-03-06T05:24:00.000-08:00

Talking zombies with your kids in important. Unfortunately in mass media there are rarely kids to drag behind you in a zombie apocalypse so many people don't think to have that talk. However as your kids get older and spend more time away from you and you may not always know their exact location as "at the mall" is somewhat vague, it is important to have a plan.

Now I know what you are thinking "Hold up, I have real problems to discuss with my kids, sex, drugs, and drinking for example. Why should I waste my time on pretend ones?" and you would have an excellent point. However have you noticed how your teen or preteens eyes glaze over when you talk to them about serious issues? Since zombies are pure foolishness it is easier to engage them.

So talk with your kids and make a zombie plan. What would you do if it happened and you were spread all over the place? If your route home was blocked off by packs of ravenous undead?

See while zombies will never happen we cant say the same about war, civil unrest, natural disasters, or other craziness. It is important your kids know how you will react, where they should meet you, in what situations they should stay put and wait for you. How to survive for a few days on their own if it happened while you were out of town shopping.

Do your kids know that the water in the back of the flush is clean and drinkable? Do they know to eat the perishables first and save the canned goods?

Zombies are fun to talk about precisely because it will never happen. Kids can make suggestions with no repercussions. Hopefully your kids will never have to actually fortify the house against a treat but it would still be good if they had some basic ideas for how to go about it. Knowing where to find supplies to board up windows and keep out zombies could be equally as useful in the event of a severe hurricane.

My family has a zombie survival plan, does yours?

eewee

2012-02-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

It happened again. I made a supper that my kids have always loved and demanded seconds of only to be greeted with "I don't like this"

Really? REALLY? Seriously are you for real kid? Last time I made chicken soup you went back for thirds but suddenly, before your scrawny nine year old but even lands in the chair for supper, you don't like it!

Somehow I managed not to reach across the table and strangle him but I think it took all the will power I possessed.

I don't believe in forcing kids to eat food they don't like. When I make a meal I know my kids dislike I will always prepare an alternative for them even if it means grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for supper. I know my 9 year old hates green peppers for example, that is why I cook with red pepper. He doesn't like rice either so I never put more than a small spoonful on his plate for him to try if he wants to. Lately though he has even been turning up his nose at what was previously his favorites.

My first thought was to tell him to eat or go hungry but if I do that I know in four hours I will be dealing with his migraine. Instead we sat and bickered at the table for almost an hour until he ate his damn soup.

Maybe tonight I will just buy pizza, if he claims not to like that I will probably never blog again because I will be locked in a mental institution.

Guns never solve parenting problems

2012-02-16T05:03:00.000-08:00

So your daughter pissed you off and you want to teach her a lesson, good for you. You just taught her to shoot and that "might makes right"

How on earth did shooting a laptop and publicly humiliating her teach her that it is wrong to talk shit about you online? How does your behavior model what you want from her?

OK so lets for a moment ignore the fact that this dad is a self riotous idiot ( I will come back to him later) and focus on what the girl did. Her behavior was hurtful, it broke house rules, and it needs to be addressed. Since she seems unable to keep her online conduct within the parameters her parents set taking away her laptop and thus limiting her online access is reasonable. And this is where Gun happy dad and I part ways.

The goal of parenting should always be to teach. In this case I would assume you want to teach them to be grateful for how good they actually have it and to be considerate of how their words and actions can hurt others.

Talking to her about WHY what she did was hurtful is important. She is old enough that there is no reason not to put the onus for mending fences on her. If she is unable to see why what she did was wrong and think of a way to fix it then perhaps it is time to get rid of the computer all together. If it comes to that though

GUNS ARE STILL NOT THE ANSWER

In fact unless someone is about to kill you ar there is a deer in front of you that will feed your family for the winter guns are never the answer. Why not have some good come out of her punishment. Have her choose a kid that she knows will never be able to afford their own computer and give it to them as they will appreciate it more. Or if you can't trust her not to mock that child at school for receiving her castoffs then donate it to an underfunded school.

Back to Dad. In this situation I blame the dad completely. It is unreasonable to assume a man so juvenile as to shoot an inanimate object that becomes the focus of his rage is also incapable of cleaning up after himself? He acts like an adolescent and can hardly be a role model for proper behavior. Heck if I lived with an asshole like that I would probably get pregnant in high school just to escape. I hope his daughter doesn't become a statistic and marry someone like him.

Why is there no valium in my bag?

2011-11-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

Halloween is over ... thank you lord.

Now don't get me wrong I LOVE Halloween. I decorate for it every year and always dress up. Where we go trick or treating candy is given to anyone who wears a costume so I come home with lots of sugar.

Unfortunately my kids also come home with a few billion empty calories. If they could eat all the candy that night and have it over with them maybe it wouldn't be so bad but after the torture of parading from house to house for 2 hours and dragging my one year old in and out of the car (houses are too far apart to walk) I then have to get 2 sugar high kids to bed scrub off my makeup and go there myself.

That is not the end of it though .... The next day I start the fight about how much candy can be consumed for breakfast, what can be taken to school, supervise trades, and eventually tell them no more for the day, and the next day we do the same thing.

\
Now a few days later all the peanut better cups have been eaten and the whining is starting because "there is nothing good left"

Yeah I love Halloween but I think it would be better if we left the kids out of it and handed out booze, Valium, pot and maybe porn.