Insignificant Intricacy

Hearts of Pompei

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:19:00 +0000

Need to know

Why is it so

Memories are bright

But reality a pain

Need to see

Why is it not you and me

Soulmates by oath

But lost amidst sorrow

Need to feel

Why won't our hearts heal

Hearts of one Soul

But Spirits divided by fate

Need to hear

Why we are not near

Emotions of a blissful union

But torments of a seperation

Indeed we will

Destined we are still

None too far

But then not all within our hands

Until the last gasp of air

The wheels of fate shall snare

Then it is us and the heaven

For our love is yet to be broken

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 07:11:00 +0000

There are some lines that never need to be spoken but only need to be heard.

There are some words that can never be written but can be recollected among the gossamer of sensitive nostalgia.

There are whispers that can never be heard beyond the lips of the conveyer but can be resonated in a din within the ears of her beloved.

Such lines, word and whispers are rare. These are such lines, words and whispers. I know not if this is a dedication, recollection or flashback into time long gone.

It was the end and there was no turning back nor was there an option to do so. Come what may, the inevitable is the protagonist of this saga.

Da, you should get into some engineering college. You have the brains for it.

Is that all you have to talk about?

No da, you need to think about it, you gave up a year for something you knew cannot be controlled by you.

That is why I did that because I need all the time I had left with you.

I will not argue with you because I cannot remake the past for if I could we would not be here today in this situation

What did the doctor say?

For nearly a year I heard their words, nowadays I keep away from all that, I just calm myself within the beeps of the my ECG, wails of loss and signs of relief that shows in my hospital room and its corridors.

I just do not know what I will do when you are gone. I am scared da.

You were scared when you proposed me and then nervous, giddy and now you are alright having me around. The same goes the other way around, you are scared when I am leaving you and then you be nervous, giddy and then you will move on.

I just do not understand da, I have not seen you cry or even show pain whenever I talk to you. I mean why do you do that, can you not at least share it with me.

You kill yourself everyday just thinking what I feel, that too by just being here with me. You have been a part of me and there is not much I have not told you.

So there is something you have not told me yet eh?

Yes, I have but then one day you will know it all, be it when I am breathing or among the dead.

I do not want you to die.

You cry like a girl da. Can you please lift me up and help me to the toilet. I need to pee.

Okay but let me call Bhabhi. You will need her help as well.

Da! Why do you have to call Bhabhi for this silly thing, she has a lot of chores in the kitchen after all it is not always that her beloved sister in law comes home for dinner. Moreover they feed cancer patients with awful food.

Okay. Fine. Lets go.

Da! I was not that heavy was I?

Oh just do your thing will you and I will answer that once you are done!!

Can you pass me the towel please?

Here, let me know when you have but your dress back on.

…

Okay I am done. Now help me wash my hands.

Okay. Can you stand up by yourself or do you want me to hold you.

Good question. I cannot get up from here. So if you could first help me put in my salwar pants it would be grateful.

What!!

….

Thanks da. I love you

I love you.

Is there something you need? I will go ask bhabhi

No da. Just sit here will you. I need you tell you all those I have not told you.

Oh really! Thanks.

Okay then, just go to my blue cupboard and open that locker.

…

There are a lot of things here.

Yes, I know, just take out that those blue dairies.

You mean the ones with your father’s company emblem.

Yes da.

….

These are my dairies. You can read them all but not today or tomorrow? Just keep it with you.

Okay but what if there are some really personal things in it?

All that I write in that diary is always meant for you. You should read it but with one promise.

What promise? That I should always keep it with me?

No. Burn after reading but I need you to start writing. Start writing about us with those lovely poems and prose you write for me. Share some of our stories with the world.

I do not think I can do that da. I just cannot even think a life without you. I mean how do tell about you when even our parents do not know about you and me.

You should thank my brothers for that. They love you more than me; they will always keep us within their guard.

…

….

My brother and bhabhi says that you will take a long time to become normal after I leave you. Bhabhi and her psychology degree were giving an expert opinion. Whatever the case may be, I wish you forget me fast. Share me with your best friends (that is if you have any left after me , may be some people can feel happy about it.

Okay I will try.

No trying da. It is a promise. A dying soul’s promise.

Why the fuck do you say like that.

Because it is the truth and there is no use lying da.

I promise I will write about you and my poems and those little adventures we had in school days. I will share it.

Thanks and one day when you feel that you have had enough of me and that the world needs to hear no more of me. You will stop.

I do not think that will happen.

Just wait and see. Bhabhi says you will either get over me or find a new love or else you will just keep doing foolish things about love because you will be confused about my love and the other gal’s love. She says you will never have that love feeling in you instead all you will have is attraction.

Whatever that means, for me I loved you first and you have given me happiness in that.

I know da. I love you for that but promise me you will write all about me and then forget me.

FOR ME AND BY HER, IT ENDS NOW. THE MADNESS IS GONE. SO LONG PROFANE INSANITY. REST IN PEACE MY WILD ONE.

NEVER HAS ANYONE IN ALL THESE YEARS THAT PASSED BY HAVE EVER CAME TO COO & WOO THAT HEART OF MINE. I WAITED FOR THAT SOMEONE. MANY CAME, MANY I ‘DISCOVERED’ ALL IN THE WAY OF FOLLY. NOW TIME HAS TAKEN TOLL. I END MY SEARCH NOT IN DESPERATION BUT IN KNOWLEDGE OF THE FACT THAT LOVE IS ALWAYS ONCE WHILE THE OTHERS ARE MERE INFACTUATIONS OF THE WOUNDED HEART.

Dedicated to the friend “who know me very well” and thinks I am desperate.

Dichotomous Engagement

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 10:20:00 +0000

As time flew by and the factor called age started piling on in my lifeline. I realize that I am not alone. I realize that there is a colloquial twist in all I thing and perceive in my mind. I guess that is the Other Me (OM) that makes this twist. I had already confronted this OM once or twice during a brief history of time but never did get OM for a long run. This is just one of those short pep talks we had

ME: Is it true that life is actually complicated?

OM: Go get a life first.

ME: What is that makes one thrive for existence? I mean can we just live and let live

OM: Sorry mate, I haven’t had a chat with Charles Darwin for a century or so.

ME: I am my own favorite and I just love that

OM: Yea I know what you mean, once even Hitler said the same but then he was marginally better than the person mentioned here. I do say marginally.

ME: If I am to give me a shot in the arm and wake up my inner soul, I presume we could get into a lengthy conversation.

OM: Just do me a favor, get that shot into your head and then I will do the rest. Trust me. You will like it.

Oh My Love!

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 08:26:00 +0000

Lift me up, get me on a high

Make me feel the wind blow

Let the world sway beneath my feet

Oh my love! Take me in your stride

Twist, Tumble and Throw our emotions

As we make way into the seventh heaven

Up and up we go to touch the Zenith of our love

Oh my Love! Bedazzle me with your radiance

None in me and never in you

Will there arise the point of parting

Now and always we pamper our souls

Oh My Love! Hold me close you

In me

In you

With us

Love within

Oh my Love! Let there be none but us

Shuwaymiyah, Sultanate of Oman

Intricate Proses

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:08:00 +0000

It has been a while since I made love with my words. it took me a while and an inspiration from a fellow green tea and teddy lover. This is post dedicated to the person who inspired me as well as "co-wrote" the prose.

Withered within oneself

Muddled within chaos

All that lay siege seem lost

None to see nor to hear

Loathe the soul within

Embrace not the happiness

All that lay among love seem forgotten

All to point out and none to heave

Take off your claws, oh solitude

Leave me alone, oh loneliness

Let me breath, let me thrive

Let me own myself back.

Was triumph the endeavour

Was defeat a vindication

For the shadow of battlefield

Haunts deep within evermore.

Boulevard of Drunken Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:12:00 +0000

It is a rather unusual time for her to be out; after all she always said that the sun is at the scorching best from 12 to 3 in the noon. It was this theory for hers that made me lose some valuable weekend time lazing on the beach. Well I do agree that beach lazing can cause sunburn but then a few looks of concern on the female species is worth a burned bum.

Anyway, there is no need to discuss those points of concern here. This is about her and me and also us. No wait, it is about her; yes it is about her and then us.

It was a sunny spring afternoon and there she was outside the comfort of her home. She was beautiful in pink. The delicate pink colored salwar with small off white embroidery works around the sleeves and bust portion. I had always known she looked most beautiful in spring season, though I must say that definitely do not mean I keep her away in the rest of the seasons. Well she does keep her away from me in summer because one it is too hot outside and secondly I sweat a bit too much and elude showers due to hot water.

She has not realized that I am watching her. Come to think of it she has not been in touch with me for a couple of days. I guess I should not have told her about my one night stand that happened last month. Me and my big mouth, it must have hurt her and I never realized that. Anyway, I will just sneak up to her and embrace her.

The sneaking up was easy but before I can embrace she just walked away without even looking around. Silly female, she is lost in some weird thought. As far as I know females are really unpredictable. Speaking of unpredictable, there is a chance she must have dumped me. That is it she dumped me or else she should have called me. Let me check the last she called or messaged me.

Darn! I cannot find my phone. Now where did I keep it? Wait when was the last time I used it? No wonder she did not turn around, she knew I was there all the while and purposefully ignored me because I did not reply back to her calls or messages. Well she could have at least dropped into my place. Arrogant female! wait till I catch up with her.

I looked around for her. I lost sight of where she headed to amidst my phone search. I hate technology. Now I have go find her again. I hate this.

By the way, come to think of it, why did she come here in the first place? Wait a minute, what am I doing here in the first place. I looked around the place where she stood a few while ago. This is an eerie place and that is a funny looking epitaph.

“Make hay with the sunshine and get drunk with the moonshine”

It has my name on it.

Darn! I need a drink!

Shuwaymiyah, Sultanate of Oman

The Disillusioned Spiritualist

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 10:43:00 +0000

‎"From Him we came naked and to him we go naked. They why the pomp, flair and invincibility” – Disillusioned Spiritualist

“I do not perceive the Dogmas that define the ‘ways’ of religion nor do I have a ‘pure’ faith. All I know is that I trust my soul in the HIM and the rest I keep at my disposal”

“Who am I to ask and who am I to give. All I do is accept and share”

“I do know death is a pain but then it is necessary that you show the world ‘life is short’ with also those bling and bang?”

“Questioning one’s belief, spirituality and all that can lead to catch 22 situations thus all I have to do is just stick to my views.”

“Can you define Physics and then Theology? I need those details to then configure the Stability Coefficient of Oil, Uranium and Religion (OUR) World”

“Parting a soup can be magic, while being a wonderful parent and dedicated professional is a miracle. I agree to both but then why is a moron with a pack of C4s and a detonator called a martyr?”

“Whatever the F**kever, I live by my heart and survive by my intellect, it is up to the Red guy with horns and the Supreme Power to decide who want my remains in afterlife” – Sporadic Disbeliever

Twisted Tomfoolery

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 10:34:00 +0000

A Twist, then a tilt, then a pour, then a gulp and finally a snack; that is all one need to lure the ‘other’ one for a conversation.

HEY! WHAT IS OBSCURITY?

Ah! It is the event in which you and the rather unknown contents in a menu are given the same preference by your date in a beautiful candle lit dinner.

DOES IMMATURITY FADE AWAY WITH TIME?

Is has to determined irrespective of the fact that our dreams can lead to mishaps

WHY IS IT THAT INTEGRITY IS ALWAYS AT STAKE IN A MAJOR ISSUE?

The root cause lies in the knowing much you are realizing the situation rather than evaluating what is at stake

DOES ALL CON ARTISTS MAKE MERRY WITH A SWINDLE?

It in us to be conned and to con so then making merry becomes a rather complicated issues since we know both.

WHY IS DESIRE A SIN?

Ever wondered why in certain moments in life, you toss a coin and chose if it is HEAD or TAIL when in reality you can at least think over it.

WHY IS THAT YOU SHOW UP WHEN I AM NOT IN MY SENSES?

I would like to answer that but the thing is you need to be in your senses to listen to it.

Shuwaymiyah, Sultanate of Oman

Shaken not Stirred

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 29 May 2011 05:22:00 +0000

A couch ( A comfortable one)

A cozy room with a decent TV

Person: It seems there is a recipe for disaster.

Another Person: Ah! Vodka.

Person: No! That does not invoke madness that is need for the disaster.

Another Person: In that case it has to be this thing called Desire

Person: Yes, that answer seems apt but Desire comes from the heart and is it not that all that comes from the heart is pure?

Another Person: Well, there is PURE even in the impure.

Person: But then how do this Desire, Heart and Pure become a part of a recipe.

Another Person: It is not the how you list out the recipe that counts; it is how you mix them with the other ingredients that make all the difference.

Person: What do you mean?

Another Person: It simple logic. (Any Heart with a Desire)*(Money and Pomp)* Media (if needed) = Unimaginable Success and Ultimate Chaos.

It was definitely SMIRNOFF and IPL

Shuwaymiyah-Sultanate of Oman

Speaking with Words

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Mon, 16 May 2011 09:49:00 +0000

A touch of madness mixed with little sensibility makes me realise that life is good.

I am not perfect nor am I the right person at the right time. I am more of the soul who took up and manipulated what was left behind as time flew.

Let us talk about love. No! Wait! Let us talk about us first.

It is the desire imbibed with materialism who that talks about relations on a scale measured by our buying power.

Virtue of my soul lies not in what I have achieved or gained but in realizing that I bring a new day with ample sunlight to my heart.

He said “At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie.” and then I heard myself say “Maktub”

Shuwaymiyah-Sultanate of Oman

The Script

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 04:02:00 +0000

Me: Where is that book I gave you!

She: Where my Metallica cassette I gave you?

Me: Da, it is there in my home, I will give to you na!

She: Well so is the book.

Me (at my whining best): That is my favorite book and I need it.

She: Mushi, if you can get me out of this hospital for just 2 hours, I will get your book.

Those words had all the bit of sarcasm as well as pain. I guess I felt them both in full fledge.

Me: It is okay. Forget it. Do you want Little Hearts?

She: Yes but do you get it in the hospital canteen here?

Me: Well it will be there in the shop outside. I am sure about that.

She: You take all the effort of going through the whole flight of stairs from 6^th to ground floor twice in a short span just for a packet of 5 rupees biscuit while you cannot take the effort of remembering my cassette when you left home!!

It was only sarcasm only this time around. I felt it all the way down the flight of stairs as well as when going up.

Me: Now where did she go to?

I looked around her hospital room, it was silent. A beep from some medical machine beside her bed, the din of the people walking in the corridor, a small buzz of the air conditioner unit that is all that was disturbing the silence. I guess these rooms like the many others are much accustomed to this sort of silence along with an occasional wail or sob that replaces the sound of one’s last breath.

She: Hey! Did you get the biscuit?

Me: yes, where did you go?

She: I guess there was too much of blood in me so went to give it a free trip down the water drain!!

Those words were of pain or was it just frustration of being alive with a sick self.

Me (munching on a little heart): So where is Ikaka and bhabi?

She: They went to pick Uppa and Umma from the airport?

Me: What!! They are coming here? I better get out.

She: Da! Why? Why do you still keeping hiding from them. I am going to tell about you to them.

Me (rather annoyed): Seriously? Are you mad?

She: Hahaha, no da, I will one day before all this shit ends. I will share my happiness.

That was Pure Love. I relished it

She: One day they will know and I am sure Uppa will be happy to hear it.

Me: Yes, I guess so. Anyways I am going da.

She looked at me. Her parents were the only people who make me desert her when we meet because I just cannot face them. She knows that well.

She: Mushi, thanks for coming. I am really sorry that you cannot stay or see me all the time. I love you.

That words sums up the sole reason why I love her.

LOVE they say is a wily emotion. It brings the best out of you and also takes the best out of you. I felt it soothe me it for a long time, then one day it pierced me, then it numbed me. I guess I disowned it now because I am all free and barren of all the chaos and energy it brings.

I always loved mathematics but never the game of numbers or the ploy that it decides our stars/fate/destiny. Ignorance is bliss, or is it?

27041983 – 07031983 = 20010000

My Playstation awaits, time for some Unreal Tournament and oh yes! Here the game of numbers makes a HUGE difference in your Virtual Lifespan

Shuwaymiyah-Sultanate of Oman

Discrete Opinions

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 06:58:00 +0000

Careless Thoughts, Random Entries and Ridiculous Writings

“I never loved you neither did you love me. It was all just an illusion that cajoled our senses and blinded our thoughts”

Profane Insanity (Somewhere in 2003, Free from senses and away from thoughts)

“It is not the goal/destination that we need to keep as priority instead it is the path to the goal/destination that needs all our focus. After all we are humans and not demigods.”

Profane Insanity (2008)

“I do not believe in these Scriptures nor do I keep myself with the Dogma. I believe that I have somehow managed a MoU with this Supreme Power in which I promote and encourage humanity while He gives me a good exchange rate for the same.”

Profane Insanity (2004, after a year long confrontation with a delirium called Religion)

“When one’s services are hired/utilized, whether for slitting one’s throat or parting one’s legs, the joy lies in knowing whether you are worth something and not in being retrospect about how you ended up/end up being hired/utilized”

Profane Insanity (2009, Relishing upon the feel of a well earned salary)

“Escapism is an art that is to be mastered by foresight and not to be executed at hindsight”

Profane Insanity (2006, Disconnected from the Nonchalant Supplementary Exam Approach Syndrome)

Subject : Just read it and then move on with life

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 11:12:00 +0000

The question was always there and has been repeatedly asked in different versions like:

“So is it not time you settled down?”

“When is your marriage?”

“You are not married yet?”

Etcetera, Etcetera

It is a genuine question and I do not disagree to it but then I prefer that it is not asked. No problems in people asking though but then most of who ask this query has no relation/effects what so ever the answer may be. I mean does a Tom, Dick or Harry get his lifeline extended or shortened depending on my answer? I do not know for I was never interested in this astrological pomp and fare.

Anyways, A few weeks ago it so happened that I received a mail from a person who I even forgot ever existed in that last decade or so. In that mail I read what I presume can be summed up as a partial answer to some of the queries mentioned above.

NB: I have edited this letter (with the help of MS Word) because I just hate the jst,tat, tis, u,v, frm, gr8 and all that jazz. The letter has been posted in this blog after getting an approval from the writer and the people mentioned in the letter).

“Hey Dufus

I wonder when the last time was when someone called you by that name. I guess somewhere in the turn of the 21^st Century. I am pretty much sure that your eyes must have gone all wide when you saw my name show up in your Inbox along with that subject line. I am alive and kicking. Settled in UAE and working for a banking firm after completing my MBA in Finance from Europe. So it seems you finally did exorcise yourself from doom and accepted that she is a ‘dead duck’.

After nearly 4 years after 2001 and you got get her out of the system. I never ever thought you would get out of it. She was much more than just another female and I very well knew that the mental pain of her passing away would have disoriented you but still you got over her in 4 years. The last I heard about you from Niki way back in 2002 saying that you were pushing along with life but still miserably broken from Shezu’s death. Had it not been for Shezu’s persistence me, Niki and Mathew would not have cut off from you. Oh by the way, Niki is in Delhi now, she has 3 kids!! And Mathew is in Qatar. He married about 2 years ago and now he is happily single. Well, what can I say, he lived by his heart and soul and I guess his wife was too much worried about the size of her bedroom and color of her lingerie. No kids, just a pain of losing his most beloved gift in life after just 13 months of good life. He loved her, he loved his life, he loved the people around him while she, I guess, just loved bedroom dimensions and lingerie colors. He has been rather elusive ever since. The last time I met him I came to know that he still owned a cell phone and an email id, no TV, no computer, not even an mp3 player, it was just him and his single bedroom apartment that had two chairs, a small table, bed and a well set up kitchen and lots of books, papers, magazines and all. He is all happy and fine and the best part of all was that he found life to be more interesting and relaxed now since he feels that he has faced the worse in terms of “mental stress”. When we met up, something in us made us think you. I took me a while to figure out you will be searchable in Google. :P

By the looks of things you have changed and that also for the better. You are writing and sharing it to the world just like you promised her that you will once you get over her. Yours photos in orkut, the way you have presented yourself in the online world has taken me by surprise. It seems you have become a talker and blabber mouth. Looks like you are enjoying life finally and totally in love with yourself. Great going champ, she always believed that you would ‘evolve’ one day ;).Enjoy it bro for you deserve it. I know how much pain you had and was worried about you. Though in some of your writings I can see the glimpses of your pain but then I guess it will be there every now and then after all we are humans and not erasable DVDs: P.Seeing how you have turned out and what Mathew has ended up. I guess life is better when you let yourself go free. You were miserable but in love when Shezu was there, Mathew was also in love but was miserable. It could have taken you both out but instead you fellows got over them and have moved on. I know this can be bit too irrational but you fellows should be single all through your life. You people are these strange births that have all the right to love, respect and enjoy the world around you no matter what you get in return. You are these free souls who have nothing to lose or gain for they have tasted and learned many a thing in life than a normal person no matter how short lived those things were. A life partner in your lives now will tie you to down and will make you recollect and may bring back some memories in your life. I say this because of the joy I have in me on seeing that my good buddy has actually made the most of life when it was giving him a bad time.

God Bless you Dufus.

Sunny regards

Zafeer

PS: I am married. Her name is Rasheen. Our daughter’s name is Zara (18 months now).”

THE WORDS THAT SHALL NOT BE

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 09:12:00 +0000

The bloated bubble of life flies around him

Well every now and then one has to go through this phase of confusion, a phase that just causes all sorts of problems in the thought process. Then there is this phase called learning, where the thought process absorbs information. These are the most common sort of phases of the thought process that I know of but yet I just love one particular sort of phase, I call it Creativity. Oh I just love it!! And the best part of this phase is that it merges with confusion and learning to give the ultimate thrill called utter genius or at times utter madness (I prefer the latter). Anyways, here is an after effect of one of those utters madness phases I had, I call this WORDS THAT SHALL NOT BE:

“Where were these fellows when I needed them” The Late Adolf Hitler comments on seeing the new age World War II video games that depict superhuman Nazi soldiers and mercenaries

“Had I known that Vijay Mallaya is going to born in India, I would easily accepted Ahimsa and masterminded a perfect Indian War of Independence and happily retire in 1955” Charles Wilson comments on the growth and flourish of UB group chairman.

“Come to think of it nothing has changed much, I mean it is an amazing invention - but who would ever want to use one, with the a rising number of deaths associated with using it” The late US President Rutherford B. Hayes on seeing the rise in deaths and accidents caused due to mobile phone usage.

“This thing is good, it is God sent, it is just the perfect remedy to reduce my stress” Osama Bin Laden on achieving an unbeaten streak as the Terrorists team in Counter Strike

“Now I realize what these science geeks mean by the phrase ‘every action has an equal and opposite reaction’” A wayward comment passed on Maradona’s achievements as the coach of Argentina’s soccer team.

A Deck of Hearts

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 09:27:00 +0000

Love life had taken toll on me by the dawn of 2000. I knew we were going to lose the battle against time. I had ‘skillfully’ planned to ensure that I skip a year. There was guilt and hatred within for letting down the ambitions of the ones who had brought me up all these years but then there was this pain of losing my beloved forever if I followed on ‘successfully’ after my schooling days. It was not the pain of love but instead the pain of giving up on a soul that found solace and at times sheer excitement just being with me during the last few moments of her life.

The story continues

The dawn of 2000 saw me shattered, left with nothing but pain in all sides of life, be it academic or personal. I looked down the tunnel of despair but yet there they were, my folks and Shez, keeping faith with anxious concerns that I will get out of it. By the end of 2000, I knew my academic objectives and how I will accomplish them to realize the dreams of my folks, though I did have academic plans of my own, I knew I will not be able to get a hold of them. Shez had instilled in me a new type of confidence in me. She always said “Let that heart desire and mind wander forever for then only can the tormented soul within be tamed with reason”. I desired for her, my mind wander for purpose but still my tormented soul was tamed by her dogged determination of keeping loyal to your roots.

As the first 365 days of the new millennium came to a close, I realized that our parting was near. I skipped a beat whenever I thought of it, she felt freer realizing that she will soon be among the stars in the velvet black blanket of the sky. She would soon be shining amidst the darkness upon all her beloved ones.

Come December, one of her brothers called me to say that 2001 will see the end to the beautiful moments they have experienced so far in life. My mind blanked, my heart fainted but my soul held still knowing it was all bound to happen. I knew about madness but it was then that I actually experienced it.

She said she wanted to meet me, I knew she would. I promised I would meet her. I had to meet her and I needed to tell her something as well. I needed to make a break for it now after all she is not going to be there with me forever.

One evening of December 2000, I walked into the ward. She was a sleep after all what else can she be doing after all that ‘frying’ she gets. I waited till she woke up; she smiled and told me she was expecting me the next day only. I said I had a reason to come there a day earlier. She asked me the reason; then I said

“Shezu, if God gave you another 15-20 years more in life, would you make me a part of it?”

“You came all the way to ask me this silly question?”

“Well if it is silly then I am sure you will have a quick answer”

There was a short silence and then

“I need some time, go home Mushi, see you tomorrow”

She just turned her head away and called for assistance. I walked away. I will give her time but I need an answer.

The break of dawn took longer than expected. Her first vision of the morning was seeing me showing up in the hospital.

“Mushi, do not tell me you did not sleep yesterday”

“Nope I did, it was just that I was waiting a bit too much for sunlight”

She smiled

“Well, you got your time; now tell me your answer”

“Mushi, you already know the answer”

“Well, then just say it da”

“Mushi, you stubborn moron, you do not take anything for granted eh?”

I kept looking at her

“Yes, I will Mushi, I will keep you always in my life”

That I all I wanted to hear. I touched her hand

“Thank you Shezu”

I walked away from her, outside the hospital, into the morning rays of sunlight. I felt myself at ease. I saw the world shine. My heart filled with joy. My soul enriched by the melody of love.

Such was the magic of the Wild One. Rest in peace my beloved. God Bless

A Play called Love

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 06:51:00 +0000

The last few days, I had a good talk with two of my best friends in my life. One was Shee, my Guardian Angel and the other my buddy, Parti. It was good. Shee told me to forget her and move on. The fact is I had moved on but somewhere this thing called lovely memories lingers. Parti had similar bad experience (in terms of coming terms with a breakup) with his with childhood love interest. He never asked me about my experience for somewhere he knew he had known more than enough from me about my love interest. The fact is I had moved on but somewhere this thing called lovely memories. This blog is tribute to the emotion called true love and is inspired by my talks with Shee and Parti. I feel it is time I shared this magical journey for like Shee once said,

“Musee, she is always yours but I tell you to let her go”.

So I let go of her, I give her a blind eye and deaf ear and I give the world our stories. This is one of them

It was just another day at school, got expelled from Physics class as usual for not doing the homework and then goofed up the biology practical with utmost precision. Walked back to the Kakkad bus stop which was near my school, boarded an excessively overloaded bus for my 30 minute travel to the place called Caltex Junction. The day was just pathetic and it was aggravating the recent feeling that I had about hating school days. I guess I was missing my old school and my good old Middle East days or was it something to do with certain inevitable circumstances that were lingering around me. I so very wanted to let go of all that was building inside and leave behind all the din and chaos created in my mind.

My mind wandered as I strayed amidst the flow of people that had clogged the street during the “end of work/school” hour. I sat down in the ICH at Caltex junction, ordered my all time favourite coffee and that rather uniquely flavoured vegetable cutlet. The coffee felt so good and that tangy little sauce (if you could call it sauce) given with the cutlet just ceased my wandering mind as I felt at ease. I looked at my watch; it showed Friday, 4:55PM. 5 Minutes for Holy Angels and Premanand sir’s Math Tuitions. I hated Maths, all it did was play ruthlessly with number, create chaos with symbols and theorems; and then finally it sums up all this chaos by saying that both the Right Hand Side and Left Hand Side are Right.

Friday, My mind recollects, Shez was visiting for the weekend for she yearned to be away from all that medicines, radiations, white clothed people and highly nauseating ambience. I sprang to my feet from the seat which was gobbled up by a pair of hands among the many that buzzed around it after seeing that I had only half cutlet left to consume. I paid the bill, went to the nearest phone booth, and dialled her number. The phone rang; it rang and rang until;

“Hello”

“Mushi!! “

“Hi da, when did you reach?”

“I came reached here by the Madras Mail, I will be going to Mahe now”

“Oh is it? Who is coming with you?”

“Ikaka and Bhabi”

Her elder brother was accompanying with her that means I will have to ask him if he can drop me in Thalassery. That is not an easy job, I guess I will meet her tomorrow.

“Hey are you still in Kannur?”

“No da, I am in Thalassery, left school in the noon”

“Mushi, do not lie, I know you are in Kannur. Tell me where you are and we will pick you up”

I told her where I was. The call ended. I need to buy her something. I bought her Little Hearts, her all time favourite biscuit.

15 minutes flew fast as I tried to control my happiness of meeting her. They came and I entered the car in the back seat.

“Asalamallikum”

“Wallaikumm Salam” in a chorus

I gave her the packet of biscuit.

“Oh oh! Just for her eh? Nothing for the driver and his poor little wife?”

They laughed, the two of them; then Bhabi turned around and looked at me

“Da! We missed you!”

I smiled.

“Shezu lost patience waiting for that letter of yours and so she came to Kannur”

I looked at her. Those magical eyes that glittered even amidst those dark blotches of death that was around them. Her skin was fading into darkness but yet there was a glow that filled my heart.

“Da! Enough I am not all that beautiful now because I am getting fried everyday”

I kept mum. Bhabi and Ikaka turned their attention to the traffic. I touched her hand. She gave me a look of utter surprise for she always knew I was rather too shy when it came to physical contacts of any sorts with her and evaded them at all times.

“You hands have become thin”

“No problem da, I like it this way?”

Did she like it or was that she had to like it?

“You look sad? What Happened?”

“Nothing, it is just I feel very uneasy?”

“You think too much Mushi, you always did. You think for the good and you think for the bad”

I just looked at her

“You never think about yourself da. You think of things other than yours and then feel sad”

She was just 17 but her words and presence of mind matured at a pace equivalent to the vile growth that had by then eaten up more than half her body.

“You miss me badly, you miss school in Saudi, you miss your friends out there, and you fear you are losing all that you always wished for”

“Yeah! Must be”

She just smiled. Opened the packet of biscuit and passed to her Bhabi and Ikaka. They took their share and then gave it me. I returned it to her.

The rest of the journey, I just held her hand as we both looked opposite ways watching the landscape and traffic outside. At times we glanced at each other as we shared the packet of biscuits. Ikaka and Bhabi just went on with their talk with an occasional glance/question on whether we both are still awake.

That was us, just me and her and the world around. Just me and her and our warmth of our hands. Just me and her and the happiness within of having met each other. Just me and her and the pain that we feel of the impending parting. Just me and her and our heart filled with the joy of love.

The journey ended, my destination came. I looked at her. She had fallen asleep. The medication was always getting the better of her. I let go her hand. I thanked Bhabi and Ikaka.

Before I got out,

“Hey Museem, I guess she has something for you?”

“Oh is it? No probs, I will ask her next time, she is sleeping now”

“No da! Just opened her bag, you can find it easily.”

I opened the bag. It was a small envelope. I showed it to Ikaka.

“Yes, that is the one. She wrote it for you while in the hospital, we read it and it was beautiful”

Bhabi Nodded

“Thank you Museem. Thank you for giving her happiness in this painful time”

I took my leave and they drove away. I opened the envelope, unfolded the paper within, then I read;

My time flies with none to wait

The air I breathe nauseate me.

I fight against something I cannot stop

In me lies a desire.

A desire not to win

A desire to turn back time.

To live once again but with one change

Let him be not known to me.

Let me be one among the million in oblivion.

For when I take my last breath, all I need is a heart that never was

A heart that never felt my love

A heart that never tormented him

A heart that I love and he carries heavily now.

I wish I can turn time.

I wish I can keep him away from me.

For our love bargained for his soul and now it is shattered.

My mind wandered as I strayed amidst the flow of people. My eyes blurred. Was it tears or was it just the blur? Felt myself in a time wrap. I felt myself my go numb. I reached home. Excused myself with a headache and finally let go of all that was building inside and left behind all the din and chaos created in my mind.

Dedicated to the saga called Love.

The prose was written in 2000 by Shezu

Light Of My Life

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 10:26:00 +0000

Date of Birth: The day one is born.

Birthday: The day when one cherishes of being born.

What do you call a day in which one cherishes not being born but instead relish the fact of being alive and sane? What do you call it if this day was not just a day but instead every second one lives? Strange question and I am sure it is going to be lengthy answer so spare me from the answer while I ponder upon the question over and over again.

I ponder upon this for all I know is that I relish every second I live, every breath I take and every move I make. I am sure you are to ask for a reason for this. So here is what I have to say……

I say CLEOPATRA and then I say GUARDIAN ANGEL

There goes not even one day during which I do not think of her. Nay it is not love nor is it what I call attraction instead it is the magic of true friendship. A friendship that has neither barriers nor any sceptic feelings instead it is a bond that makes me realise that life is more than just living; it is more of experiencing.

Many a person have come into my life but none so close and caring as her. She instilled in me the reason to be alive and the reason to keep moving while she herself was fighting her demons. Never did she leave my side as I faced adversities and confusion in during the past few years. In her voice I confided, in her mails I kept myself intact and yet all this while she kept herself in amidst the shadows while I was guided towards the light. She showed me love, trust and faith while she considered herself never par to my parents and siblings for she said she is just a custodian of my heart and soul. She said she is a keeper of my heart and soul that is to see the world and enjoy the warmth of the loved ones around me. I ask her not about her ways of life instead I ask her if I am worthy of being a part of her life for souls like her deserve to dedicate her time to ones much better than me.

Many say I am love struck or smitten but then if that is so why is that I sulk away from her when I have faulted, why is that I look up to her for guidance at junctures in life, why is that I accept without any counter all the blames and faults she has thrown on me?

It not about the thing called love we have for each other, instead it all about the sacrifice we have vowed to do for each other. Let the world mock at me and my trivial ways of keeping myself ‘clinged’ to her for all I can say is not many can be blessed with such a wonderful friend, sister and most of all A Guardian Angel

Today I stand before you not celebrating just another birthday but instead relishing yet another special day that let me pray my heart out and let the world around me realise that I have been honoured yet again to cherish the adventure called life with the one and only Noor in my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR SHEEBA NOOR.

MAY THE ALMIGHTY BLESS YOU WITH HAPPINESS AND MAY HE BE ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE UNTIL ETERNITY.

Shuwaymiyah - Sultanate of Oman

Making Ends Meet

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 12:47:00 +0000

The afternoon breeze, good roll of nicotine, chilled lemonade, authentic pizza and Caesar salad topped up with a lovely conversation with your most beloved pal. That was just what I had wanted after a rather long tenure in the desert and a hectic week of work. Nothing was more soothing than the breeze, which danced in the open air restaurant along the beach, and carried our talks to each other’s mind and heart.

The ambience was just perfect but then it was yet so distractive. As I we exchanged our words and stories amidst the mouthfuls of a delicious lunch, my eyes wandered beyond our table, away from the food, my ears shut out the waves of the ocean. My eyes pondered on the table that was just vacated by a group of young men who had their share of a sumptuous meal, a cluttered ashtray and a significant bill. It was just another table, just another customer but was it just another bill settled? Did I see her take a peek into the bill book to see if she gets a share of the significant bill? The blank look on her face said it all, the young men were merry with their stomach full but alas their gratitude falls short of thanking her for serving them on the dot for nearly 2 hours with an elegant smile.

The winds carry my friend’s words while I reply to all that is heard without much attention of what I am saying for my mind went into a brisk thought as my eyes stayed fixed on her. While I and my friend enjoyed the afternoon breeze and lunch, I see her leaning with her back on a chair, handing in her pocket and staring down at the stoned paved of the open air restaurant. Deep in thought she was as she stared down, still as one can be, the breeze playing with her neatly tied hair. Thoughts.

I wonder what she saw on those paved stones. Was it the figures that we highly paid professionals call miscellaneous weekend bills or the meager monthly laundry bill? I do not know, I guess I could be that for it was the month end.

There she was still staring down unaware of the curious set of eyes that ponder upon her thoughts. The ambience soon gets the better of me and so I am back savoring the pizza and the salad with a lively conversation. Time flew, we enjoyed our meal, and we continued our talks when all of a sudden I was asked “Do you not think you are staring too much on that waitress out there?”

I guess I was, but then she did not know that.

“I was just wondering at she was thinking. While more than 90% of us come here for a short break to enjoy the beach breeze and good food, I wonder what is that keeps her occupied all the while. Surely not just serving people”

“Must be her phone bill, house rent, money back home etc, by the look on her face and body language it seems the tips have been bad so far, though I must say she was awesome as she single handedly managed all the 8-10 tables out there during the lunch hour!”

I fall back on my chair extend my legs out to welcome the lazy afternoon while my friend orders for a coffee. The breeze whispers, my mind relaxes but yet my eyes stay fixed at her. There she was counting something in her wallet during the off peak hours, it must definitely be the money back home. I stare and ponder upon the fact called “making ends meet”

Shatti Al Qurum – Muscat- Oman

The Re Speaks

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 07:05:00 +0000

This is a copy of a 'dedication' that was written for me (via Facebook) by an old friend who is going to be soon forgotten due reasons which i presume is to be kept confidential. I am posting it here to extend my thanks to her.

Sorry 4 te late wishes, I was occupied wit a million (like u say) “odd jobs”. Anyways, now after 3 years I realize that u seriously meant that we will be having a No SEE & No Meet policy, I presume this is te only way I can speak out. Moreover since u have already confessed about te Re to te world (i.e if the world does read ur blog, :P), I think it time a favor is returned and what better platform like this can I ask to pay tribute to u & te relationship I share (or shared wit u). I know this note is going to irk u, make u mad beyond te realms of commonsense or even make lose ur “sanity” but then I am just following one of ur fave policies- “To te face & Direct out of te horse’s mouth”

A soul like u is one in a million. Even though our ‘relationship’ was te shortest among our “million” flings, it is wit u I realized te value of love, friendship & trust. How true it is that one feels te value of eyes only once u lose sight. Though it was unexpected, I knew tat u broke up from me for te sake of “sanity” to prevail between us. I cussed & cursed but today my dear friend I apologize & regret ever doing such thing to u. Life has moved on & I now realize that how much effect ur views & ideas towards life have had on me. I dont know if this note of mine will ever be seen by any of ur friends for I know u will report abuse on this note but yet, I all I would like to say is inside all this crazy & idiotic persona called Museem/Mushi, lies a person who takes no nonsense in life, an ultimate perfectionist especially when it comes to time keeping, a person who value his word given to one. The person who lives for ones he loves. The most vile & fiercest bad mouth b****** to ones he hates or has toyed with his emotions & trust. As te days pass by I will be gradually disconnected from u as per ur wishes of chucking me out of ur life & most probably before ur next bday, I will be out. Before it happens, I take this chance to thank u my dear friend 4 tose memorable moments, for sharing with me te magic u create called True Love & Dedicated Friendship. May u find peace, love & most of like u always wish sanity among ur world in te years to come. I pray from te bottom of my heart that one day, u get out of ur self-destruct mode of going single & accept a girl in ur life. I have also burned fingers with relationships & it tasted much worse than bitter but te search for finding ur counterpart does not end tere. Oh! How much I envy that blessed soul day who u will accept in ur life. Mushi, drop it all let ur soul open to accept love as well for u have given more than enough to te world & ones around. Let ur heart yearn, ur soul wander & ur mind float for like u always believed n said “Life is not a sexually transmitted disease instead it an opportunity to explore te puzzle called life”.

My dear friend Keep blogging, keep talking, keep thinking, Keep sharing & most of all keep living for tere is only a few like u. GOD BLESS.

Regards

PS: This was my motive of making this FB profile & then bugging u to accept my friend request.

Regressive Indoctrinates

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 10:49:00 +0000

Make merry with madness
Evoke that is not vile but devious
Let the affluent siphon into the effluent
Call me insane and ignore me

Materialize all that is in Desire
Imbibe what is not foretold
Let the Ouija forecast all that is to know
Call me delirious and chain me

Elope within the realms of absurdity
Malign the duty of a mere mortal
Let treason bludgeon on cadavers of righteous
Call me immoral and outcast me

Protract the trails of obscurity
Stagnate within the corridors of sham
Let the dogma of iniquity deprive aesthesia
Call me mendacious and mute me

Molest my dreams
Tear my soul
Drench my heart
Snaffle my last breath

Let me decay
Defecate on my remains
And yet I chuckle for……. Ignorance is Bliss

(2008, excerpt within thy psychedelic self)

Green with Envy??

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 06:36:00 +0000

3 days have past and I still ponder if that evening of February really happened. I still wonder if those those mystically beautiful green eyes were there in front of me glittering my heart out. Did that gem of a soul actually share a few moments of her life with me on that hill top as me, her and Shee watched the nightlight and fireworks of Muscat?

Was it true that she actually called me museem and accepted me as a friend. Did that gifted soul cross paths with me? A friend whom i had heard about a million times from Shee

They say her nation signifies beauty and covers itself with a tint of Arab mysticism. I heard them say but on that special day i saw that beauty and mystism in those magical green eyes.
Consider me fortunate for i have seen the magic of true friendship in those green eyes. And consider me blessed for i have been given a little corner in that friendship.

Oh the green eyed angel, i thank thy for being a part of She and i thank thy for that sparkling effect on my life. God Bless you dear M.

Driven

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 19:50:00 +0000

Looks like you just came out of a train wreck

geez, is it so?

Yeah, just look at you man!

Hmm, you are right! By the way you look the same

yeah i know. This smudge on my shirt is quiet visible

Yup! Need a ciggie?

Sure, why not

...........

You changed to Dunhill? Man it tastes awful

ah dont worry this is the last of it

yea i guess it is

lets enjoy it!

.........

Do you not feel the night is too silent?

Yeah i do but i do not think we have to face this eerie silence for too long.

Eerie, yeah thats what it is! Eerie

.......

What you thinking?

Nothing much, just pondering how we met?

Nice thought, it was in a wedding.

.........

Hey i am feeling giddy, i think i am gonna faint

Too late, you are down.

......

Jinkies! Thats a lot of blood. I feel blurred...

..........

The car engine finally dies down. The survival was slim but then it was bound to happen.

A Gut Feeling Amidst Reality

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 04:19:00 +0000

"Hey mate, what you doing?"

The question was pretty valid

"Well, I am waiting for her to make a move"

The answer was rather unique........

and so.....the conversation was to continue.

"Her to make a move? Does she even know she has to make one?"

"Yes, she knows because I made my move and she is pondering upon her's"

“Well, I do presume your have made your stance clear and I also feel that thy have taken counter-measures or should I say back up contingency plans in case her move is rather too aggressive”

“Counter measures? Why should I, all I did was just express what I had”

“Hmmm, okay, I just thought I would let you have a statutory warning”

“Statutory warning? Look here mate! She is not some carcinogen agent and neither am I a terminally ill guy!!”

“I am yet to know if she is one of them carcinogenic agent but do you not think that you have imbibed yourself into a terminally ill condition”

“Woah! Woah! I know where you are getting to!! You, your philosophy shit and that excessive baggage of love sickness or love kills theorems and case studies!!”

“Okay! You are definitely having a bout of that terminal illness as we speak”

“Screw you man, I do not have time to waste over you”

“Fine, I will change subjects, what is her cup size?”

“Oh man! You are sick!”

“You do not know her cup size and yet you made a move”

“I know her size but why should I tell you”

“Well, I being a humanitarian might as well one day buy her a suave leather thong”

“What the fuck? What does a thong have to do with being humanitarian?”

“Oh that’s simple, we humanitarians touch people’s heart with our deeds and in her case, the best way I can touch her heart is giving her a thong. After all I will be honored to try it on her”

“You dweeb! The nerve of you to pop up and spill out such comments”

“Thank you! I am much obliged”

“You better get your running shoes on man!”

“Ah! I do presume that you have threatened me”

“Not threatened instead I have chosen that last nail that is to be driven in your coffin”

“Ah! Mighty neighborly of you, can you make the whole box of nails for my coffin”

“That’s it!! Off you go”

“Oh boy! Love sick morons! All they know is to drool and then explode. Go await her move, I will be around”

“Yeah, sure what will you do being around?”

“Well, get a hard on obviously!!”

And then I turned around to the mirror, we were now face to face and then I realized there was a wily old snigger.

Wandering within the lines

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 11:08:00 +0000

When you are in a part of world where all you can see is high mountains on three sides and a vast ocean on one side, you might feel connecting to nature. That is a good thought, anyone interested can go on a tryst with Mother Nature but then do keep a check on those hyenas, rattlesnakes and a mountain lion/leopard (Have not got the chance see this fellow yet but there are people who have seen it). Why I tell you to keep a track of these fellow living beings is that they might have a tendency to learn more about the anatomy and behavior of bipeds. After all I am sure they must not have seen too much of these biped types in this 50km radius of high mountains. Well anyway, I am not here to speak about the terrain and her natural inhabitants. I am here to share a few things that are connected to one of the many out of place bipeds that have been lurking around this area in that name of building a super highway.

This certain biped (you can call him ‘X’) even though miles away from humanity still connects to the world (ah! The magic of Arabic cable TV with sub-titles and also courtesy to the technology, that yet to be tested on humans, called 3kbps Internet). This ‘X’ has been thinking a bit too much of I, me, you, your, him, her, them, they so on and so forth. The thoughts were becoming a bit too complicated and ‘X’ started raising questions about who he is and that entire ruckus connected to such queries. ‘X’ has been having this what, where, when and why syndrome on what is Individuality. No one can blame him though for conceiving such thought after all ‘X’ was the quintessential curious crow. This certain habit had made ‘X’ a rather messy reader who pondered, dwelled and infested upon any piece of literature that came across those curious eyes. And so one day ‘X’ came across a piece of literature called “Thoughts on Individualism and Commitment” that was written by Murakami Haruki and Kawai Hayao; here are some of the excerpts that was absorbed by ‘X’ through his curious eyes

“The school principal announces, “We must encourage individuality,” and everyone says, “Yes sir! OK everyone, all together now, let’s encourage individuality!” Without even realizing it, they’re acting as a group. That’s how difficult the concept of individuality is”
“The notion of commitment has become very important. Before, detachment was the important thing to me.”
“The way someone is branded “antisocial” if they miss a group activity. Individual freedom is curtailed. Those who stick with the group in everything are considered fine upstanding people, while those who try to act individually are heathen”
“You see a lot who just cry all the time, saying “Why me, why me?” They never seem to realize that in the final analysis they have to overcome their problems by themselves. They have a hard time getting better, because they expect everybody else to fix things for them.”
“Do you think marriage is, in a sense, kind of mutual therapy?”

“Oh, definitely. That’s also why it can be so painful. If one really wants to understand one’s spouse, it isn’t enough to discuss things rationally. You have to digs well, as it were.”

“It’s ridiculous to think that two people who fall in love and get married are then going to live happily ever after. People get depressed after they get married because they marry on that assumption.”
“I’ve heard of people who divorce and marry someone else, but then end up remarrying the first person.”
“In the old days, marriage was just two people cooperating. If they did that until they died, then it was considered to have been a good marriage. These days, people want to understand one another, not simply work together”
“There are plenty of cases in which a wife, for example, tries to understand her husband but ultimately decides that she simply can’t. Sometimes, after living together a long time on the assumption that she understands him, she’ll all of a sudden realize that she doesn’t. To start over and try to understand him again is very hard. In most cases, she’ll just criticize him, saying he doesn’t understand anything or concluding that all men are worthless.”
“Romantic love doesn’t last very long. If you want to sustain romantic love for any length of time, you can’t have sexual relations. In my view, it’s impossible to sustain romantic love for a long period of time while engaging in sexual relations. So if you want to maintain the marital relationship, you have to be willing to move it to a different dimension”

“But the sexual relationship also has a therapeutic function, right? At some point, though, you have to switch to a different type of therapy, I suppose…..”

“Right. When you’re young, the sexual relationship is terribly important, and it’s also therapeutic, but after a while, that’s not enough anymore.”

“And people who can’t switch to a different dimension at that point will try to find sex therapy elsewhere, I guess.”

“That’s right, they look elsewhere and become involved in another sexual relationship……they may have what’s known as a “live-in divorce,” where the couple are emotionally divorced but continue to live under one roof as a married couple”

The other thing you often see is people who simply abandon the idea of expanding their world through relations with the opposite sex. They channel their eros into something else. Someone might become a scholar and conduct exhaustive research into a particular subject. If you direct your eros toward a woman, you’re dealing with living human being, which raises all kinds of complications. So, instead, you direct it toward, say, old historical documents. You wax passionate about them: “Oh, this part is worm-eaten... Now, what could this character be?” It’s much less risky.”
“It seems to me that in marriage people realize there’s no perfect answer, and that there are things and emotions that are beyond their control, and in that sense the marital relationship can open the door to religious feeling. Of course, it’s not the only way.”

“If you enjoy researching old documents, why not, right?”

“Except that the man might get all his pleasure from examining old documents, while his wife seeks a meaningful marital relationship. If you’re not careful, the results maybe be tragic. If, on the other hand, the wife lays aside her views on marriage and pours all her energy into raising the kids, or making pickles or whatever, then it’s possible for things to go along more or less on an even keel.”

“In the final analysis, it’s a matter of how you yourself want to live. It may be that only a minority of people are capable of investing a great deal in marriage, I personally think it’s a terrifically interesting way to live. In fact, I can’t think of anything more interesting…..I also think that….marriage can offer a pathway to understanding religion.”
“My view is, you have to think about who might be hurt by what you’re doing. Call me westernized if you will, but for me, it’s a question of individual responsibility.”

Now I must say that was one long excerpt. I did it find worth the read. Now you may wonder why I am sharing all this literature that was grasped by some quintessential curious crow called ‘X’. Well I guess I am one of those beings that must not have seen too much of these biped types.

If you do not believe that last line I said, then please; you can call me Ughh the caveman.

A Table for Two, Please

noreply@blogger.com (Dissillusioned Caffine Addict) — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 02:33:00 +0000

It was never easy you know, between me and her. We just took it to each other whatever it may be. We ensured that we threw the kitchen sink at each other every now and then. Though many or should I say almost all of them around us never knew there was something between but the very few who knew, knew everything. They used to call upon their Gods and ask on how on earth (even on Heaven and Hell) did me and her hook up. No offence though but I did have a gut feeling that she was little messed up in the head, after all she was always in the impression that I was a little too crazy for her liking. I just could not believe it! She thought I was crazy. A far as I remember the craziest thing I ever did was, arguing with my Hobbes about him getting to close for comfort with her. That was the craziest thing I ever did, I wish I had not done that for now Hobbes has a huge liking for her. Felines and females, you just cannot trust either of them.

Tonight she went off to the supermarket to by herself some sanitary napkins while there I was staring at the fridge realizing there was nothing for dinner and that I was broke. At least she could have asked me if I wanted her to get dinner for me. The nerve of that female, she comes back from the store with her napkins while munching on a burger. I just hate her. When I asked why she did not ask me if I wanted dinner, she said that I was the one who took her out for dinner on our first date, which eventually led to this mess between us and so she thought that she will not ask me about dinner. I agree it is a mess between us but why the hell did she accept my dinner date in the first place. I wanted to ask her that but then I will be listening to one of them running commentaries that you hear during race day. Anyways, here I am broke, hungry and totally disgruntled. Tomorrow I am going to borrow some money and then I will show her who is boss and buy her double cheese burger and an extra large milkshake. That will show her that I am more humane than her. Yes, I know I should let her stare and drool while I eat that double cheese burger and extra large milkshake but then I just cannot do that because I Love Her, sigh!

At times I wonder how relationships blossom, grow and beatify life for all I am experiencing in this relationship is the exuberant feel of staring at a blank white wall for a mere 24 hours a day. I just thank my stars that many or should I say almost all of them around does not know this thing between us. For if they did know about us, we would have been the joke of the millennium. He is says I am a lunatic, can you believe it! Me a lunatic! I have been the most humble and sane female he can get in his life, well I do agree that I enact Luciano Pavarotti’s Nessun dorma while I bath but then that is only 1 hour or so in the 24 hours of a day. Guys and Vodka, all they do is make you throw up.

With this all said and done, today he slept like a bear till afternoon while I went for work. Then he emptied whatever was left in the fridge for us to muster up for the next two days and goes back to sleep. I am sure he was still in is hangover from last night but so was I. I somehow managed to get up and reach for work. Now, I am so very thankful I showed up at work, Cristie and Jake did not show and I was the only waiter/waitress of the cafeteria today. The work was double but in the end most of our regular customers gave me an extra tip on seeing me work and my boss gave me a double pay for the day. I was so very happy and wanted to share the day with him and buy that new set of batteries for his camera but when I get home, I find the fridge totally empty and he had wasted most what he had taken out of the fridge. I just could not take! I got out to the supermarket and went did my shopping and on the way back I took dinner. I guess he did not like the fact that I was munching on a burger as I came in. I did feel sorry for him but I was just not in a mood for generosity today. I just cannot wait till tomorrow when he will go around asking for money and then finally end up with a few dollars, but then he will splurge it all to show off that he can buy a dinner better than me. I guess I will save his battery money for dinner for day after. After all the mess we end up in I will have to buy for him dinner for there is something charming in him. I Love Him, sigh!