InSide Effects

Life is About Transitions

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 06:24:00 +0000

I have spent most of my professional, not to mention personal, life helping people transition from one state to another. It's something I enjoy doing and never seem to tire of.

Now I am going through a transition myself having moved to a new city full of strangers, and I have to remind myself that this is the normal state of life. We humans have a desire to deny that, to imagine change is unnatural. We are homeostatic creatures and need things to stand still--or at least appear to be that way.

However, change is really the fabric of living. Coming together, drifting apart, acceptance, denial, attempts, failures, successes, graduation, birth and marriage and death--it's all the fabric of life.

So if you are struggling today with a change you are facing, take comfort as you are not alone. I'm doing it and so can you. Good luck!

This is the End...

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Sat, 21 May 2011 16:07:00 +0000

As most of you know, in a few hours a group of religious extremists believe the world will be coming to an end.

I'm typing this as I teach a history of technology class at the City University of New York (don't worry, my students are working on essays about technology and terrorism). Perhaps my study of technology is peppering my emotions on this muggy day but I'm not that scared. I think that if they are right and I wrong, it will happen regardless of my worrying about it. I'm resigned to the possibility, a strong one, that sometime in my lifetime the "world," at least with humans in it, will "end." Perhaps with a bang and perhaps with a whimper.

The bang part is something all of us live with--nuclear weapons. I have never had a moment of consciousness that has not been underlined by the thought that a nuke could blow me, and everyone I love, away. The world is filled with nukes, state-sponsored and a few otherwise, and the likelihood that one of them goes off deliberately or accidentally is high.

The whimper part is also of our own making. We live in a world where, regardless of if naysayers like it, the climate is changing. It's warmer in places and colder in places, but its changing. There is a high degree of moisture in the air and meteorologists are losing sleep posting and revising weather charts that don't seem to be getting it right. What will that mean for us in the long haul? Rising tides, crops that are frozen or blown away by no rain. The careful balance that keeps us alive--water, temperature, the earth beneath our feet--is slowly degrading and we will pay the price.

So regardless of it's at 6 pm local, or 2030, or later on, it most likely will happen. And unless we do something about it I'm not sure how this will end. I don't think it will be today. But unless we do something about the bang and/or the whimper, I think it will be sooner as opposed to later.

The photo is courtesy of New York artist Farrish Carter. You can see his blog here.

A Variety of Valentine's Day Cards

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 19:02:00 +0000

Here are a variety of Valentine's cards--antique cards, new cards, all sorts--with no comment. Let's let the speak for themselves--and happy Valentine's Day!

Democracy is a Lake, Even in Arid Egypt

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Experience + Time + Personality = Government

I'm borrowing the wise words of sociologist Charles Tilly to illustrate the concept that democracy is a reflection of its citizens. All governments look like the people that founded it and the experience of getting what they want Governments are created by humans and like humans, are shaped by the good as well as the traumatic incidents they have experienced during their lives.

So what will democracy in Egypt look like? Who knows, if it will ever comes at all. The oppressed masses may not have the ability to create a representative government. Only time will tell.

A few things I do know--

The new Egypt won't occur overnight, even if Mubarak resigns today. Any student of revolution, regardless of the country or period, knows citizens do not flip a switch to create a government, democratic or otherwise.

Second, the path getting there will most likely be treacherous. Factions will rise, fall and come together with alarming speed. In doing so far right and even some left voices will compete to be heard. The group that convinces the masses that it will put food on their tables and bring security to their homes will succeed.

In short, buckle your seat belts and let's all hope for the best.

Resolutions and Goals

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 18:01:00 +0000

one step + another step = a journey

Creating change in your life is a multi-step process and a few days ago I referenced the first part, defining what your goal is in terms that can be defined and monitored.

In relation to that is the second part, selecting goals that are reasonable and can be achieved. Many times people, in the excitement of visualizing their new selves, pick goals far too ambitious or even impossible to achieve. When those goals don't materialize they get disappointed and the goal, along with any positive change, dies.

In writing this I am thinking about physical fitness (but these concepts apply to any change). I see my gym, which has a hard core contingent of a few hundred regulars, on the verge of overflowing with novices attempting to be Adonises by Valentine's Day. In my world they have a scientific name, jockus temporous.

They hit their workouts hard, showing up right after work and going full tilt for as long as they can hold up. Ellipticals, free weights, yoga, classes--they jump into all of it without the proper physical preparation (stretching), nutrition (they skipped breakfast to cut calories) or mental preparation to understand what they are working on and how to get it.

After a day or two, maybe a week or two at best, they start finding reasons to skip. They are tired and sore and sore of heart too and just want a day or two to chill and watching the tube. Soon workouts happen once and while and by the time the spring frost has broken the population of the gym is back to normal.

How can this be avoided? Being realistic about the change you want to achieve. Want to lose sixty pounds? Awesome! But don't expect to do so in a few months. That is a long term plan and requires small goals of a pound or two a week for real change to take place. This means real committed work and planning--prioritizing the gym over happy hour, couch time and the new season of Jersey Shore.

Set a goal of seven pounds a month and go a few months to see if the plan is realistic. If it is, awesome, keep up the good work! :) And if it not, don't stop and reach for the Fritos. Figure out what else needs to be adjusted--workout time, workout intensity, diet, alcohol intake--and see what makes sustainable change happen for you.

Okay, we've got a goal that is (1) measurable and (2) reasonable. What's next?

Picking a goal you really want.

How to Create Effective New Years Resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 18:05:00 +0000

Definable Goals = Success

I'm a big believer in resolutions and think New Years Day is a wonderful date to begin. If you are interested in creating a change in your life I'm going to share a few pointers to help make the transition as easy as it can be.

The first step is to create a resolution that can be easily measured. Instead of making some sort of global statement such as, "I want to be happy," create a goal that can be monitored and measured to see the change take place.

In preparation for this entry I did a little reading and found a list of the ten most common resolutions. Some were great--clearly defined and discrete--and others, well, not so much.

One great example is number four on the list, "I want to quit smoking. That is a very clear and really easy goal to measure. Simply quit smoking. If you go three days and then put one in your mouth, you have had three days of success. The next day give it another go and see how many days you can continue without smoking. This is a goal that is nice, simple and to the point.

What's an example of a bad goal? How about number five, "enjoy life more?" What does that mean? How can you measure "enjoying life?"

The spirit of the goal is wonderful--who wouldn't like to enjoy life more? But if you want that to be a goal, that is not the way to get there. You need to list specific activities that you enjoy and then determine how frequently--daily, weekly or monthly--you want that to occur.

For example, if you like going to art galleries, pick one day a week and go to a gallery. This still relates to enjoying life but now it has a real goal connected to it. Did you go to an art gallery last week? If so, you met your goal and should be one step closer to having a happier life. If not, find out what is keeping you from getting there and give it another shot. Congrats!

In a day or two we'll talk about the next step in the process--creating realistic goals.

Happy New Years!

P.S. To see the complete list of top ten goals click here

Foursquare Bookworm Badge Encourages Not Being Literate :(

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 16:55:00 +0000

reenforcement = results

My last posting about my love for Foursquare was a big hit--it seems a great many people also enjoy what the site has the potential to do.

And I do see great potential. They encourage exercise and proper eating with all sorts of fitness badges. And they do, on occasion, promote events that get people out of doors and away from the 4G feed like going to museums or holiday events.

So I was very excited seeing the new "Bookworm" badge on the site. All one needs to earn it is checking in at any three bookstores or libraries. Just to show what a literary type I am, I got mine after just one check in to the library--I guess I have a lot of book credit built up in the 4Sq ledgers.

However, once I got the badge I was disappointed. Disappointed at the phrase that comes up once someone is rewarded the badge, "You Nerd." What is this folks? High school? Scratch that. Junior high?

I know 4Sq is about having a sense of humor and many times I laugh even when their jokes push the envelope (check out the "Douchebag" badge to see what I mean). But isn't making fun of people who love books and reading past its prime as a gag? Isn't the anti-intellectualism that is so common in our country one of the problems we face as a nation? As a world?

And it's not like 4Sq doesn't cheer on its users when they are doing "cool" activities. For example, when a member checks in after 3 AM at a club they are given a badge and told "Checking in after 3am on a school night? Well done!" Or when they check in to a site with three members of the opposite sex, they get tons of reinforcement:"Look at you, checking in with 3 members of the opposite sex! Player, please!"

So why not marginalize reading? How great would it have been to see a remark like "Brains are the new sexy!" or "Ain't no stopping you now! What's the next book on your reading list?"

Instead I get called a nerd for wanting to better understand the world.

Stigmatize reading? Player please!

foursquare and World AIDS Day #turnred

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 05:18:00 +0000

For those of you who know me you may be aware of how much I love foursquare. It is one of the only sites I know that encourages its users to be active, to get out and explore the world and take part in it. Thanks to the site I have explored my city like I never would have and made a few friends along the way.

I am plugging the site to get you all to join it and also to support a worthy cause--World AIDS Day 2010. For today only all you need to do is check in anywhere in your town and shouting “#turnred." Once you do so you will unlock a special badge commemorating the day and all the special work RED does.

So join foursquare and while you are at it, friend me there. Who knows where we will check in together?

Disappointed in Dr. Joy Browne

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 18:45:00 +0000

Words + Actions = Intent

I am a big fan of Dr. Joy Browne However, I'm a little shocked and surprised at Dr. Brown's (very public) on-going hypocrisy.

Over the past year, and especially in the past few months, she has constantly maligned Facebook. Dr. Browne has repeatedly, and rather naively, stated that Facebook will disappear in "five years."

She also complains, on an almost daily basis, that people should not have Facebook accounts in pursuit of fame. The well-known celebrity argues against the evils of fame and ponders aloud why anyone would want public exposure.

Then this week she launches her Facebook fan page to promote her show and make herself more famous.

Words and actions Dr. Joy, words and actions. If you want to villainize Facebook do so. I think you are overgeneralizing but that is your prerogative. That said, please don't do it while you recruit callers to up your ratings ON THE FORUM you complain about.

I can only hope you are more self-aware in other aspects of your life. Perhaps I'll find out on Facebook.

A Change in My 9/11 Schedule

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 17:11:00 +0000

Believing all members of a group are evil = overgeneralization

Since 2001 I have never missed a visit to the World Trade Center site, going to pay my respects and mark a year in my life as well. From the beginning I established a tradition of what I wear, what I carry with me as well as the order of sites I see--the Morgan Bank, Federal Hall, Trinity Church and then Ground Zero.

Tomorrow, however, I will be adding another stop to my pilgrimage, as I will be heading over to Park Place to the pro-Muslim rally being held there. I am not a religious person but I am an ethical one and I feel so much disappointment and anger over the unfair treatment of the followers of Mohammed and the founders of the Cordoba Center. I am embarrassed by the ignorance I see and hear on a daily basis in reaction to the construction of the center and I feel the need to lend my presence, as well as my words, in helping fight ignorance and prejudice over this issue.

As we mark this 9th anniversary of the tragedy that occurred here, think of the good people of all faiths, as well as those without one, who were murdered that day in the name of hate. Hate is the enemy dear readers--not Islam.

Reagan-Appointed Judge Defends Gay Marriage in California

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 21:49:00 +0000

A few moments ago Reagan appointee Vaughn Walker overturned California's gay marriage ban.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/ybenjamin/detail??blogid=150&entry_id=69382

You gotta love activist judges...

Targets Troubling Politics

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 17:05:00 +0000

Words + Actions = Intent

Click here to read the latest on Target's troubling politics

You can't have it both ways--either Target supports gays or it does not--put your money where your mouth is Tom. And I will put mine in the pockets of those who support me.

The Black and White Situation of the Ground Zero Mosque

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 20:05:00 +0000

Laws = Black and White Thinking

There are very few black and white situations in the world, even though the human instinct is to make most, if not all, situations fit into a binary vision of the world.

I'm a good person (or I am not)
I'm a failure (or I'm not)

These are common situations that upon closer examination have a variety of positions; one can be "good" in some settings and "bad" other places or a person can succeed at her career but not be able to make friends. Most situations in the modern world have a spectrum of options and interpretations, not just ON or OFF. And one of the challenges thinking people face is to explore and examine the variety of possibilities in a given situation before making a decision.

That said, there are situations that truly are ALL or NOTHING:

I'm pregnant (or I'm not)
She's dead (or alive)
I believe in the First Amendment (or I don't)

There is a case currently in the papers that is all or nothing in nature--religious freedom. We are either a haven for unencumbered religious diversity or we are not. That is how principles work and the principle involved here, the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, is very clear.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."

There are very few black and white situations in the world, even though the human instinct is to make most, if not all, situations fit into a binary vision of the world.

I'm a good person (or I am not)
I'm a failure (or I'm not)

All of these are common situations that actually have a variety of positions; one can be "good" in some settings and "bad" elsewhere or a person can succeed at her career but not be able to make friends. Most situations in the modern world have a spectrum of options and interpretations, not just ON or OFF. And one of the challenges thinking people face is to discover a situation's reality and examine a variety of options if they exist.

That said, there are situations that truly are ON or OFF:

I'm pregnant (or I'm not)
She's dead (or alive)
I believe in the First Amendment (or I don't)

There is a case currently in the papers that is all or nothing in nature--religious freedom. We are either a haven for unencumbered religious diversity or we are not. That is how principles work and the principle involved here, the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, is very clear:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

That's it folks. No footnotes. No exceptions. Congress cannot prohibit religion in the US. A group of Muslims want to build a mosque a few blocks from Ground Zero. They have filed the proper paperwork and apparently have the wherewithal to pay for it. The issue seems pretty black and white to me. I hope the New York City council has the wisdom to stick to their guns and allow this project to take place. We live in a county that was founded on a basic set of principles. Let's not let Right Wing bullies like Palin and Ginggrich make us forget that very black and white principal upon which we are founded.

That's it folks. No footnotes. No exceptions. The law cannot prohibit the practice of religion in the United States. A group of Muslums want to build a mosque a few blocks from Ground Zero. They have filed the proper paperwork and apparently have the wherewithal to pay for it. The issue seems pretty black and white to me--doing anything less would be in violation of one of the central principles this nation was founded on.

I hope the New York City council has the wisdom to stick to their guns and allow this project to take place. We live in a county that was founded on a basic set of principles. Let's not let Right Wing bullies like Palin and Gingrich make us forget that very black and white principal upon which we are founded.

Make a Vow to Have a Good Time

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:03:00 +0000

attention + passion = lubrication

I just spoke to a man who came up to me and, after confirming that I am a relationship coach and therapist, asked me what sort of lube he could use on his wife who has, as he put it, "lubrication issues."

I asked when was the last time they had been on a date. He paused, looked at me and said, "years..." And then he started explaining to me all the reasons why they never go out and how they are both "busy." I wanted to ask him to stop as I had heard that song before.

Folks, romance has to be relationship-long. Dating doesn't stop when you say "baby let's move in" or even when you say "I do"--assuming you have been granted the legal ability to do so. Make time for each other, date, buy flowers, talk, enjoy each other--date after you make vows.

Some flowers, candles and a thoughtful exchange will solve a majority of the challenges currently being addressed by the KY line of products. Trust me...

How Can I Lose Fat Fast?

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 18:13:00 +0000

work + time = value

You can't. You can lose water weight or you can deplete your body of muscle mass...but you can't lose body fat quickly. Sorry.

No one like the fact that weight loss takes exercise and smart food choices. It is that simple and that hard.

It takes thousands, sometimes tens of thousands, of hours to become obese. Doesn't it make sense that it would take an equal, if not a greater, investment to reverse the process?

The rewards of being fit are multiple and well worth the work but it is WORK. Anything valuable is typically hard to attain. If it were not, it would not be of value.

Bear With Me Dear Readers

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:51:00 +0000

I just got the nicest comments back from someone who just discovered my blog. I felt two emotions as a result--happiness and shame. Happiness that something I wrote spoke to someone who I have not had the pleasure of meeting and shame that I have not written much in 2010.

I have recently been hired by the City University of New York (CUNY) to teach psychology as an adjunct professor. Of course I was excited by the opportunity but also, to be frank, overwhelmed as I have not taught in years. So please bear with me dear readers as this too shall pass...

Have a great Thursday.

May We All Feel This Way About a Valentine

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 18:45:00 +0000

On Valentine's Day I thought I would share excerpts of a letter by Oscar Wilde, written in May of 1895 to his love, Alfred Douglas, from Wilde's prison cell.

"My sweet rose, my delicate flower, my lily of lilies, it is perhaps in prison that I am going to test the power of love. I am going to see if I cannot make the bitter warders sweet by the intensity of the love I bear you. I have had moments when I thought it would be wise to separate. Ah! Moments of weakness and madness! Now I see that would have mutilated my life, ruined my art, broken the musical chords which make a perfect soul. Even covered with mud I shall praise you, from the deepest abysses I shall cry to you. In my solitude you will be with me. I am determined not to revolt but to accept every outrage through devotion to love, to let my body be dishonored so long as my soul may always keep the image of you. From your silken hair to your delicate feet you are perfection to me. Pleasure hides love from us, but pain reveals it in its essence. O dearest of created things, if someone wounded by silence and solitude comes to you, dishonored, a laughing-stock, Oh! You can close his wounds by touching them and restore his soul which unhappiness had for a moment smothered. Nothing will be difficult for you then, and remember, it is that hope which makes me live, and that hope alone. What wisdom is to the philosopher, what God is to his saint, you are to me. To keep you in my soul, such is the goal of this pain which men call life. O my love, you whom I cherish above all things, white narcissus in an unmown field, think of the burden which falls to you, a burden which love alone can make light. ... I love you, I love you, my heart is a rose which your love has brought to bloom, my life is a desert fanned by the delicious breeze of your breath, and whose cool spring are your eyes; the imprint of your little feet makes valleys of shade for me, the odour of your hair is like myrrh, and wherever you go you exhale the perfumes of the cassia tree.

"Love me always, love me always. You have been the supreme, the perfect love of my life; there can be no other..."

May we all feel this way about someone at least once in our lives and not be afraid to say what we feel.

Happy Valentine's Day regardless of if you have one, or not.

I'd Like to Share a Poem With My Readers

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:05:00 +0000

(art) + (insight) = truth

On this snowy day I'd like to share a poem I discovered via Garrison Keillor's Writer's Almanac podcast. This poem, by Michael Blumenthal, is called "In a Time of Economic Downturn, I Look Up at the Sky."

The poem does what all great art, things like film, sculpture, drag shows and off-off-Broadway plays do; it reminds us of real truths and may give us some insight into our lives.

Stay warm.

Has the Democratic Experiment Failed?

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 01:35:00 +0000

This is not a political blog by definition; it is a blog that is supposed to talk about side effects. The side effects of action. The side effects of complicity. The side effects of saying something most people won't say.

That said, I guess I am sticking to my mission statement in that I am talking about the side effects of a decision. Namely, the decision by the U. S. Supreme Court that corporations have the right to spend unlimited amounts of money on political campaigns. This decision replaces Dred Scott as the biggest error the court has ever made.

What would be the side effect of that? Those with the biggest and deepest pockets get to select who wins elections. That, in effect, is what this decision says. How do you think being funded by major corporations will effect political decisions in the future? What is the side effect of unlimited corporate funding? What chance do you have if you don't agree with them?

This is serious folks. The Supreme Court of this country has apparently lost its mission statement, as this seems completely contrary to the basic principles of freedom of speech. What can be done?

Alan Grayson, a Florida congressman, is attempting legislation to put up some provisions to stem the major tide that is forming even as I type. Go the his website to sign his petition to support these efforts.

This is bigger than party. This is the future of this nation folks. Try reversing this process in ten or twenty years, when everyone from the president down is hand-picked by IBM, or Microsoft, WalMart or Mobil Oil.

Obama and Expectations: One Year Later

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:14:00 +0000

(high expectations) = BIG disappointment

Years back when I was a professional historian, I would track down people and read letters and reports to them that they had written decades prior. Consistently their reactions were mixed--happy with some aspects and ashamed, even laughing, at other parts in embarrassment. In most instances words don't hold up over the long haul.

I just read the post I wrote one year to the day about President Obama and expectations. I am happy to say I did not find anything to be ashamed of; the facts hold up. If we expect too much from a person (or anything else) we are setting ourselves up to be disappointed.

Read my post on Obama from 20 January 2009 and tell me if I was on the mark.

You Say You Want a Resolution?

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:06:00 +0000

(not trying) = failure

When I tell people I create resolutions each year, many times they scoff at the concept. Want to know why? Resolutions scare them. Most people don't like to create resolutions because they fear failure.

I don't and neither should you. Failure cannot happen if you are working towards what you want. One attempts a goal and either 1. succeeds, 2. doesn't succeed or 3. falls somewhere between the first two positions. Examine the attempt, determine where the problem(s) lay and go after your goal again.

I encourage my clients and friends to set goals. I have mine. What are yours?

Holidays Have the Potential to Remind Us of Who We Can Be

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 17:59:00 +0000

(memories) + (wishes) x (goals) = holidays

Holidays remind us all of where we once were, who we were once with, where we imagined we would be and who we hoped we could become.

If your holiday is not what you desire you have the tools to change your circumstances. Decide what you want and work backwards; figure out the discreet steps to get there and begin the journey today--but no later than tomorrow.

Happy holidays to you all.

Three Cheers for Obama and the NIH

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:51:00 +0000

(knowledge) = POWER

Signs point to Obama keeping his promises to restore science to our national dialogue. Today the NIH approved human embryonic stem cells for experiments funded by the government. Three cheers for a man who uses logic to guide policy and keeps his promises!

Read more here from the Washington Post

Dont Let Black Friday Put You in the Red

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 18:10:00 +0000

(control) = (happiness)

Let me predict the news at your local network affiliate: long lines fought to get deep discounts on big ticket items. Store owners report solid sales but the numbers did not reach expectations.

Am I a psychic? No. But I know that will be the story, barring some national disaster. Black Friday. All the hype. All the noise. But it is just another day, even if the media and their spin doctors call it otherwise. Sure there are some real bargins out there, I won't deny that. However, based on the status of our personal, as well as national economics, bargains, and the pursuit of them, has gotten in this condition. Why not make today the first day you give in to the consumer peer pressure affiliated with this day?

Spend money on gifts if you have it. Even if you do have it, don't go overboard. On a budget? Make gifts if you are handy or offer to do favors, or cook for loved ones, or just tell them how much they mean to you. Not all presents have to be brand new and wrapped in plastic.

A large portion of our national and personal grief can be directly linked to our compulsive consumerism which has to stop. Why not make today the day to take a stand?

Don't Want to Overeat? Ruin Your Appetite (and Other Ideas to Preserve Your Waistline)

noreply@blogger.com (David Ezell) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:50:00 +0000

(< calories in) = (< work to get it off)

It is almost time to sit down with the family and you know Aunt Mae has brought her infamous pecan pie. What to do?

Ruin your appetite.

One hour before the family sits down, have a few glasses of water and eat a protein bar. It will fill you up and make all those goodies seem a little less good. Also, make wise choices--focus on soups (if there is soup, eat two servings) and vegetables and shy away from casseroles, fried foods and mayonaise-based items.

What to do when you are encouraged (pressured) to get seconds? Don't say, "oh no, I am watching what I eat," as alll that will do is get those who aren't to taunt you. Get up, put a few things on a plate and then put the plate in front of you. After a minute or two get up to get something to drink and don't sit back at the table, or sit in some other seat. The status quo will be satisfied and your can keep your holiday eating in check.

As for desserts? Eat them if you feel so inclined. Have a small slice and don't finish it. Or finish it. But realize the consequences of eating it, or anything. Food in = energy out. The less intake, the less work to get it off your body.

Happy holidays!