UPROOTED

Holding Back How I Really Feel!

2013-05-21T11:24:00.001-07:00

Okay Okay.... I know you're probably like " where the HELL have you been?!!!"

So much has happened emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. For the most part everything is good or as good as I’m able to make it out to be. Its frustrating to have so many ideas, talents and not have the resources to enhance what I already have started just from writing on paper years ago. I have to get this off my chest, its been bothering me for years now, The truth is family, I’m struggling in more than one ways. I have a passion for what I do which is why I continue to pursue this dream of mine however I have so much to get off my chest, so many entries to write but I’m putting them all in the upcoming project WILD EARTH which has been a trip to live out on its own. I’m finding myself doing my all to connect with people who can take me to the next level in my career and being disappointed at the end due to their lack of commitment. I don’t have money supporting what I do; everything I’ve done for the past seven years has been out of pocket! Someone asked me one day if I was willing to invest rather than be invested in and I told them the past 7 years I’ve invested, sweated, cried, screamed and fought to have people back me and invest in what I’m doing. You would think after all of the work I’ve done it would be an easier time for me but I’m finding myself struggling more and more.

I am angry at my community, its bullshit I’m not where I want to be especially when I’ve done the work! I’ve volunteered, done pro bono work, build programs and accomplished amazing things (having four books under my belt before 30 alone is astounding) yet I’m still feeling like I’m at the bottom of the barrel. I don’t feel like I’m receiving the help, the support, the love, the respect I rightfully deserve from a community I’ve served for years. What do I have to do? Do I have to be a messy queen or loud mouth personality to have you all notice? HUH!? What do I have to do to gain the access to things that shouldn’t be so hard to obtain. I am waking up every day doing my all, giving my all, and chasing this dream and for what? I always hear “ Why didn’t you ask for help?” BUT I DO ASK AND NO ONE RESPONDS! I AM TRIED OF WORKING THIS HARD! IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD! I’ve asked myself if it was something I’m doing? But when there’s no money involved NO ONE wants to help! But what they don’t realize is the gain in the long run when everything is set! My intentions are to take care of those who are taking care of me because I believe in just that in order to make BOSPLUSAROS a success. I cannot do this alone. Thankfully the team members I do have in place now are coming to my rescue finally but I feel as if I still have something to prove as if my resume doesn’t speak for itself. Its funny how we (THE COMMUNITY) always bitch and complain about improvement yet YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHOSE FIGHTING FOR YOU AND YOU WONT HELP SUPPLY THE TOOLS I NEED TO FIGHT FOR YOU! SO WHAT DOES THAT REALLY SAY ABOUT OUR PRIORITIES…ABOUT US??! I’m not asking for much, just your support weather it be financially or any other way! SERIOUSLY! If we can support the nonsense presented why can’t we support those who are really making a difference! ALSO! I feel as if people have been sleeping on me for a while and its time to shut them up! So while you (the hater) continue to have coffee talk about me just remember this...don’t come to my doorstep with a hand out expecting a check! You weren’t there when I was hungry and looking at my fridge wishing something would magically appear or whenever I have to walk to a meeting or somewhere because I didn’t have train fare or the nights Ive cried, the time I nearly experience nervous break downs and other mental battles or when I’ve grown sick and you CERTAINLY WERENT THERE when I was dying in the hospital! So TO YOU HATERS DO NOT EXPECT A PAYCHECK FROM ME WHEN MY COMPANY GOES PUBLIC!

Now to those who HAVE supported me over the years! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE, DOING and WILL DO! I love you, you keep me focused on why I do any of this in the first place! I will be blogging more this week but for now I had to get this off of my spirit.

UPDATES!

2012-11-06T10:31:00.000-08:00

Hey Beautiful Ones

I know its been forever since Ive posted anything but a lot has been happening and going on with me personally and business wise I haven't had time to put anything new up and trust me you will be amazed at what I have in store for everyone. A few updates

Im dating again YAY lol, just taking my time with it and seeing where things go but enough on that...here are a few more things Im working on

Currently I'm casting for the short film ADDICTION which is a story from " Ayo" directed by Chase Adair of Eight Peace Productions. I have the main character MARK enlisted now all I need to find is one more actor to play the role of BLACK which is going to be a task but very doable.

Going back to the drawing board in regards to creating my business platform and operation overall. Getting the BO+ARO team together, creating promotional videos, co-creating a t shirt line, booking tour dates and location, handling personal business and taking the process one day at a time. Ive learned over the years that I over exhaust myself and instead of trying to be the one man army I'm accustomed to being slowly I'm allowing others who believe in my vision to play a part.

Right now I'm writing part 2 of the Ayo Saga entitled WILD EARTH which Im taking my time putting together the follow up to all of the craziness and happiness and surprises this years has revealed and has in store. Plus writing my novel PERFECT DIRT which will allow myself to have more fun with my writing.

I've also been apart of some promotional campaigns with Lambda Legal and CDC's Let's Stop HIV Together which the ads will be running soon.

What else...oh yeah I have yet another anthology Im going to be apart of Khafre Kujichagulia Abif's

Cornbread, Fish and Collard Greens: Prayers, Poems & Affirmations for People Living with HIV/AIDS I'll keep you all posted as this and other projects progress. In the meantime I'll continue to make some moves and thank you all for the endless support. I do this for you!

My love always

ARO

Ayo: Lost and Found Series Campaign on Indiegogo

2012-08-15T06:53:00.003-07:00

Book Promotion Event at Microsoft store Atlanta, GA 2/7/2012

Hey Beautiful Ones

I’ve started a campaign for the Ayo Lost and Found Multimedia series. As you all know by now I’ve written a book. However it has become more than just a story on pages, my vision for this project is to take it to the art galleries, stage and film. Everything you need to know about the campaign is explained here and it would be an honor to have you contribute to the vision of this project. For those who have purchased copies either on-hand or online, thank you for your humble contributions (for those who haven’t its never too late to do so!). If you would like to give financial support that too would be appreciated. If you can’t contribute but would like to assist in other ways or know any connections that could be beneficial towards reaching my goal that would also be humbly received. The campaign ends Dec.12, 2012 so that gives you more than enough time to contribute towards taking Ayo to an entirely different level AND because Art plays a major role in my overall existence and has been my savior as long as I could remember, I’ve decided to donate 30% of my earnings from this campaign to a local youth center of my choosing to fund their art program to promote positive change in their communities. I believe investing in our youth will better our world and my mission is to share my truth to those who are willing to listen and become transformed. This movement is way too big for me to handle alone and to be honest I am a proud person when it comes to asking for anything especially money but because I am the sole proprietor for now and everything’s coming out of pocket it has grown difficult but not impossible to fund such a big project. Even if it’s a dollar, it’s a dollar towards something I promise to be amazing and without you I cannot do the work I’m called to do. Don’t think as a contributor (especially financial contributors) that you will go empty handed. I have some goodies for everyone. Check out my campaign and support the “Ayo: Lost and Found” Multi-media movement.

Love and Grace

ARO

Trick-fil-a: Video Blog

2012-08-05T21:18:00.001-07:00

Homegirl of the Week: Shingai Shoniwa

2012-08-03T11:17:00.003-07:00

I love this girl. I mean look at her! She is such a breath of fresh air and her voice is beautiful hovering the electrical-hard ass indie rock and roll sound providing a feminine touch to the dynamic duo The Noisettes. Make no mistake! This Southern London indie rocker is hardcore, an African fashion icon and what makes her so admirable to me is her immaculate ability to just be herself. I love a sistah who rocks her natural locks and having pride in her culture and it shows. She is definitely a girl I'd love to go thrift store shopping and grabbing a bite to eat with before crashing a party after having a few drinks and checking out cute boys while smashed!To learn more about this British butterfly click here

Headphones: The Noisettes

2012-08-03T11:01:00.001-07:00

I love this band, definitely not a stranger to my household. The Noisettes are a kick ass indie rock band from London, England. Providing a very electrifying and fluent sound, their leading lady the one and only Shingai Shoniwa ( Shingai meaning be strong in the Shona language) who is also an African fashion icon and the girl is sickening ( that’s a good thing).So sickening she is the first girl to kick off my new section called “ Home Girl of the Week”

Nonetheless, this band will definitely be on repeat for today especially with their new studio album CONTACT to be released August 27th 2012. So excited but in the meantime, in case you’ve been isolated from civilization here’s their latest video for their hit single “Winner”. Enjoy!

Red Umbrella Photo Shoot

2012-08-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

The wait is over! The Red Umbrella Series shots are here and I’m more than ready to post them. Wanted this to be an exclusive look at the fabulous and personal shoot I did with the amazing Bob Burkhardt!

Here you go:

New Artist to Play to Death XXYYXX

2012-07-30T21:21:00.001-07:00

When I finished posting the previous entry about Quadron I clicked on this guy just to see what he was giving and he gave me life. I love discovering new artists especially when they’re actually talented. XXYYXX is an Orlando, Florida native ( woohoo my homestate representin’) producer and only 16 years old is becoming one of the hottest sensation in the music industry working with big names. He describes his sound as “post-internet” and I think he’s worth a listen. Get into this artist. Support his craft. Check him out here!

Headphones: Quadron

2012-07-30T20:37:00.001-07:00

I love this group Quadron, a duo from Demark with a smooth electronica ballad groove and feel with a hint of jazz. Although they’re no stranger to my household nor I Pod I just felt like sharing with you all more of what I am into musically. So here they are: Quadron. Check them out and buy their self-titled album. For more info on Quadron click here

In the meantime here is the first song I hear from the duo and fell in love

For Colored Boys Update

2012-07-30T17:35:00.005-07:00

HEY BEAUTIFUL ONES

I have some exciting news! It is official. Keith Boykin’s For Colored Boys Who Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Still Isn’t Enuf will be available August 8^th online and August 13^th in stores! This is a very important anthology of same gender loving men of color's stories, essays and poems which yours truly is graciously a part of. If you want to support me support this book as well. Also there will be a book tour and Keith will be stopping through Atlanta to host a reading September 1-2. The Atlanta based contributing authors will be present and it would mean the world to me if you all could attend. I’ll keep you all posted!

Peace Love and Hair grease

xoxo

Upcoming Features

2012-07-30T10:39:00.001-07:00

Hey my BO’s ( Beautiful Ones)

If you’re in the ATL area or visiting and looking to see me in action I’m featuring two shows this upcoming month

August 1^st

The Intimate Lounge
A secret showcase featuring 3 artists from the LGBT community... The performances are Living Room Style storytelling through Poetry and Song.

Time: 7pm

Location: Java Vino

495 North Highland Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30307
United States

Ticket Price: $5 ($6.17 w/service fee)

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/257085

TICKETS PURCHASED ONLINE ONLY THERE WILL BE NO MONEY TAKEN AT THE DOOR NO EXCEPTIONS!

MARTA accessible : Route Number #3 and #16

August 15^th

The Grind Open MIc

Time: 7pm

Location: The Cupcake Lounge

451 Memorial Drive SE

Atlanta GA 30312

Ticket Price: $5

MARTA Accessible: Train Station: KING MEMORIAL or Bus Route# 21

COPIES OF AYO LOST AND FOUND WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR SALE AT BOTH EVENTS!

One Year Abstinence Anniversary!! [VIDEO BLOG]

2012-07-29T20:48:00.002-07:00

Photography by Bob Burkhardt

Gifted Frustration

2012-07-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

Growing up I’ve always known I was different than the other kids and because of my difference I was shunned and ridiculed into the life of an outcast. Art was my only escape from all of the abuse I encountered. It helped me cope, validate and shine in my own unique way. As I matured slowly yet surely Art had not only become my savior but also it allowed me to provide a voice for others who aren’t able to advocate for themselves. It was writing in my journal that gave me the strength I needed to leave Gainesville Florida so I could venture a new life in Atlanta. Art has been my weapon to fight oppression, minister to the people and give myself clarity and understanding of the issues happening in my own personal life. Now being gifted has become more and more frightening. The pressures to live up to certain expectations as a person of the Spirit is heavy and there have been times when I ran away from my giftedness or at least tried to. The responsibility that comes with it is overwhelming and because I’m gifted judgment for me can and will be harder if I’m not too careful. Its strange how it works, I’ve become afraid of the very thing propelling me to my freedom. I’ve been searching for my confidence once more as an artist which hasn’t been easy. I went from being so bold and courageous, allowing my spoken word to just flow to reading out of my notebook due to issues of comfort and memory. This disposition is hindering me from achieving my goal to progress. I’m struggling. It’s like someone has sucked my voice out of me. Maybe it’s time for a new one. Is that what’s happening? Is what worked before isn’t working now? Is it a blockage I’m experiencing? What’s also interesting is before I was so sure of myself and now due to “humbling” experiences I’m not sure if I remember how that feels. Apart of me died years ago and I’ve been walking around searching for his soulfulness. I feel stuck. Although I’ve grown a lot as a person and artist, I still have so many unanswered questions. What happened to me? When did I begin second guessing myself? Lately everything doesn’t seem to be panning out and I am afraid of always being stuck in this place I’m in. I can’t identify it but maybe it’s like driving down an extremely long road though the desert. I need to pray about this. I need some concrete answers. Where do I go from here and how do I do it? With little to no money how do I accomplish the big things? How do I step into the next phase or level or dimension? I’m walking with God yet sometimes my humanity can get in my own way and make me so impatient. I’m trying to be patient I just don’t know how long I can take it this feeling of digression. There’s a lesson in this awkward season I’m sure and I’m asking God to point me to the right direction. Lead me to the understanding so I can evolved as the artist and man I will be one of these days. I’ll get there but it may take more time than I thought. Sigh!

(Painting entitled Scattered Purple Progress © Copyrighted by Antron Reshaud Olukayode 2012)

Throwback Pictures

2012-07-27T23:22:00.002-07:00

Pictures remind us of who we were and the spaces we were in during the time the photograph was taken. I just happened to stumble across these and felt the need to share to you all my progress since I first began my independent artistry full time. Taking photos aren't just for publicity or art alone. When I first moved to Atlanta and became homeless, I lived pillar to post and lost all of my photos growing up along with pictures of my family which made me feel so out of place when it came to identifying my growth and history. For the longest and even now I wish I'd never lost them. I believe in a way I use photo shoots to compensate priceless photos that were lost. While examining the photos below I’d forgotten how strong and full of fire I was until now. All of the amazing photos were taken by Ijumo Hayward.

Bohemian Rebel Vol.1 Photo-shoot

Bohemian Rebel: The Rising Vol.2 Photo shoot

EVICTED Photo shoot

JUNGLE Photo shoot

HIDDEN TREASURES: Cup Cake Lounge ATL

2012-07-26T11:28:00.003-07:00

One of things I love about Atlanta is the findings of new hangout spots and restaurants. The CupcakeLounge is home to The Grind Open Mic hosted every Wednesday by Ken J Martin. These cupcakes are to die for especially at a reasonable price! Tajuansar (Taj) Diallo whips up some of her signature cupcakes using her mother and grandmother's recipes for us to indulge. From Red Velvet, Oreo, Reese's Pieces, Strawberry Shortcake and other selections this lounge take cupcakes to an entire new level thus adding an elegant touch by serving the delectable inside of cocktail glasses. The interior is modern chic with an inviting vibe and a certain charm. Also serving soups, salads and sandwiches for lunch-tapas for dinner If you're looking for an intimate spot for a date or just spending time with friends this is the place to be. The customer services is excellent and once you've had one of these cupcakes you'll wanna savor to the very last bite. Cupcakes ($2.75) Cocktail Cupcakes ( $4.50)

Cupcake Lounge

415-C Memorial DR

Atlanta, GA 30312

Choices

2012-07-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

There are times when I wonder about all of the choices I’ve made thus far. Have I always made the best decision when it comes to people, artistry, and love? Yesterday I really felt a sudden crash of loneliness and cried on my bed before my scheduled rehearsal. Realizing the repercussions of my poor decision making, I was clouded with a lot of what happened to me in my past. Plus I was young and dumb in the sense of coming out of a shell and releasing my own naivety while navigating through this life unarmed and not exactly as prepared. I wish I would have known the things I do now I’m sure it would have been very different. I’ve had misses, plenty of them, as well as hits. I’ve made excuses some of the time while most of the time situations which have occurred wasn’t in my control. I have this feeling as if people are not as willing to take me as serious anymore; or rather I’ve fallen off the wagon and been ran over when it comes to my Art and me as a person. To be quite frank, I’ve had to understand everyone may give you praise, the support however seems so far and few at times. Maybe it’s all in my head but it’s almost as if I have to redeem myself or prove something to everyone on a professional stand point. It would be easier to give up Art all together and die( figuratively) yet there are those who have faith in what I’m doing to act as a beacon of light. The pressure of expectation from others as well from myself (intentionally and unintentionally) weighs me down. Grant it I can be such a perfectionist and wanting to make sure I’m on my A game. Yet lately due to me being so anxious and overwhelmed I began questioning if being an independent artist was the right path. I should be so much further in life and yet I feel stuck and no one seems to give a damn. I’m not blaming anyone for my mistakes. I am simply putting my feelings on the table. I feel tolerated but not fully accepted by a community of people I love and adore. To a majority, I’m an alien and it affords a certain comfort and distance. I wonder if I'm repelling people without knowing or is it people are too afraid of me to get a clearer understanding of my thinking processes. I feel a bit replaced. Used up and thrown away. It seems as if I can’t grow any more than I’ve already have while here in Atlanta. I feel stifled and forgotten about. It’s as if my efforts are ignored. Feeling disconnected from my abilities, I wonder if people are really paying me any attention or am I just discarded and placed in the pile to be overlooked. Maybe I’m just a bit frustrated with the pace everything’s going. I hate it so damn much! It’s like climbing out of quick sand when you can breathe for just a moment suddenly you’re sinking back into the very hole you’re trying to escape from. I’m not suggesting no one has shown nor given me support over the years because that would be completely false, in fact I am thankful for the support I do receive yet its taxing to carry yourself in the best light and at times even I forget how human I am. Not being fake or something you're not but for me it's a struggle to not allow my dark side to take over. Sometimes I don't want to have self control and be wreck less. Sometimes I even feel as if I'm given this title I didn't ask for. I've come t accept I am not the status quo, will never be. Maybe I was supposed to make the bad decisions in order to recognize the good ones. How else do we as a human race learn? I don’t know journal, I pray this feeling doesn’t last and I can continue to move on with my life thriving and striving to be better than yesterdays.

Frank Ocean: Channel Orange

2012-07-22T16:04:00.003-07:00

Frank Ocean is by far the Best New Artist of the Year along with a studio album sooo stoo-pid good n fresh like the fresh donuts light from Krispy Kreme fresh lol! It’s been in heavy rotation in my household. The man is talented regardless of his sexuality which shouldn’t really matter yet his honesty about it is what makes him even more human and you can do nothing more than respect it. I fall more and more in love with him every time I listen to Channel Orange. Hell yes I'm Team Frank Ocean. Shit! I’ll sell some mangoes and peaches and limes for him any day on I-75 North! ( the interstate in case you'e not in the ATL area ) I am such a sapio-sexual ( someone attracted to the intelligence of others )Support this brotha! You won’t regret it! I can't even name my favorite because the album is just that phenomenal. In case you've been under a rock: Here's THINKING ABOUT YOU. Enjoy!

Catching Up

2012-07-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

We have so much catching up to do! It’s been a second since I’ve written a blog entry but tonight I’m in a bit of a writing mood. Just to share a few thoughts with you all. Lately I’ve found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything ranging from art to working to everyday life. It’s not all bad in fact it’s not as bad as it sounds yet it can be somewhat of a nuisance. I don’t know, being in this somewhat of an awkward space is beginning to seem repetitious. Having to wait for a breakthrough with everything I’m looking to accomplish. Some days, I tend to believe myself nor is my Art being taken fully seriously. Although it isn’t entirely true I however beat myself up at times for not a bit more ahead in life. I woke up one morning realizing how unhappy I was.meaning unhappy with the pace I’m going as well as feeling a bit stuck. Hopefully when my bestie TJ returns to ATL he can handle the business/entrepreneurship of my vision while I focus on being an artist. Balancing both as the sole proprietor can be taxing, draining, depressing and frustrating especially when everything's coming out of your pocket.. People believe it’s easy yet I wish they could walk a day in my shoes to really have an understanding of how much it takes to get to the next level. The satisfaction of maintaining artistic freedom in itself is rewarding. I’ve done some self-observing to redefine success. What does it look like? Have I been realistic? Yes I’ve been in the game for a while now and when I was first fresh in the scene I had so much fire and was willing to take more risks. Now that I’m older I’m wiser yet I’m not as willing to take a risk as I used to and that can be a good and bad thing when it comes to creating the Art I really want t brand and display. I’ve been conceptualizing visual components for AYO along with building an official website. There’s so much on my plate at the moment. I tend to lose focus. I’m playing catch up right now.

Medical Issues:

I’ve been dealing with adjusting to new medications and it wasn’t fun. Change is frightening. Not having a total say so over your body is beyond scary. Going from taking one to multiple pills is hard to swallow (no pun intended). I felt like damaged good all over again. So many thoughts running through my head, nights I’ve cried increased, I thought about death and thinking of how I can’t make another mistake from this point on. I’ve noticed some physical changes that make me feel insecure. It can be a hassle (understatement) yet I’m alive. As long as I’m responsible by taking my meds and maintaining a healthy lifestyle I will be fine. I have faith to know God will not give me more than I can bear.

Sharlise:
Funny how people suddenly appear into your life out of nowhere. Not knowing one of these days my part time gig would be where I meet such a brave young lady named Sharlise. When she initially called to place an order to have delivered, I heard a frail voice. She was asking me questions and something just wanted me to remain patient. One call turned into a few and finally she began telling me about her condition and the dilemma of taking an injection that could possibly kill her or allow death to come naturally. We pray she will remain to have life and healing. I can only imagine the pressure to choose while married and having a 7month old son who she loves more than any explanation to consider. She asked for me to come see her to thank me in person for being so nice. To think such a small act of kindness could impact and mean so much to someone else. Now we’re inseparable. I don’t know the purpose exactly but I’m glad to let my heart do the talking. It feels good to do something for someone else without expecting anything or having a reason to. She couldn’t wrap her head around it at first but I was only paying it forward as I’ve promise the ones who have been in my corner during tough times. When I watch her interaction with her son, it’s beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. She has fears, although she handles it so maturely, yet I can tell she’s fighting to live for her “Buddha” (son). I try not to cry in front of her yet it places my own life in perspective. What if I was in her shoes? Yet through all of it she finds the strength to smile and give me encouragement along with a series of finger snaps saying WORK IT HONEY!!! She believes in me and motivates me more to continue this journey. Someone needs me to succeed after all. I am thankful to have this experience for it has taught me so many lessons but the one thing for sure is to NEVER TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED. Sharlise has given me so much more than she can ever imagine.

Recently I did a photo shoot with an amazing local photographer Bob Burkhardt Just a few pics for you all. More to come.

Date Night

2012-07-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

Why wait for someone to take me out on a date when I can do it for myself!

Singleness+Abstinence=Self Love

2012-05-19T04:43:00.001-07:00

I started nearly a year ago ( July will be a full year) the journey of abstinence after being tired of giving my body to men who didnt deserve me nor valued my worth. Yet it wasn’t their fault entirely due to me allowing the abuse to continue thinking it would be different the next time around and so on. I wanted to feel something different other than emptiness, the low self-esteem, placing myself in unnecessary situations and my once unhealthy view of myself from someone else when all of this time I've had it within me to provide the love I’ve wanted. It wasn’t easy to resist these urges for I do enjoy the pleasure of sex but the aftermath is what never equals up. I’ve always thought maybe if I did have sex men would stay but they didn’t. Instead I was manipulated and viewed to be a play thing that was desperate for love when all I really wanted and still want is to fully experience what it felt to have someone else care about me as much as I would them. I tried the dating casual sex thing, didn’t work. I tried dating or what I think is dating which nowadays seems outdated, old fashioned and unrealistic especially in this digital world of gay men. That didn’t work. Then I just started having sex, it was fun yet I was still unfulfilled and operating in a very dangerous cycle. So one day I just stopped. Wasn’t even planned yet I’m very happy to be in this brand new space. Yes I still want a lover but until that happens I am content with the love I am shown, given and expressed from the sources I do receive it from. Now not only do I have love I feel so alive and care-free I still can’t believe what’s come over me. Like have you ever felt so consumed by love just saying the word God makes you cry joyfully? I experience it now everyday and I refuse to let it go. I’m not dating and as much as I want to connect with another individual it would behoove me to just continue this solitude for a bit longer just to keep my focus on creating the art I create to inspire and heal those who are also seeking. Doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to dating anyone, it’s just easier this way for me, Sometimes I do feel lonely and wish I could come home to someone but I began to think, is that really what I need right now? Handling another’s emotions is a heavy responsibility unrealized at times. I believe we become so blinded by the idealism of having love in order to fill a void when we should already embody it anyway and freely give it without allowing negative forces to underway what love you can muster. Not just intimate love even my platonic relationships have been tested. This life is wondrous yet I am thrilled to say I am more than capable to love and receive it. So where does it leave me emotionally? Some days I find myself to be indifferent and then there are other days when I am upset and wonder why my life is the way it is, of course everyone does but honestly after everything I’ve observed about myself none of it really matters nor hold any power too much anymore. I’ve learn to just enjoy the ride and allow the moment to not only manifest but to live it and be it. So world look out, I'm LIVING!!!

“This is not ego or vanity, I’m just celebrating me!”-India Arie

Updates, Heartbreaks and Material

2012-05-16T06:57:00.002-07:00

Hey BO's

I know you guys have been wondering where the hell have I been! Well a lot of life challenges presented itself and I was forced to take time off especially with my laptop being el fritzo for a minute. Plus I was dealing with some personal issues on my own that needed my full attention. The good news is I have some updates, stories and events coming up for you all to enjoy. Firstly, I was experiencing a depression that nearly kicked my ass on top of figuring out exactly how I was going to take "Ayo" to the next level and beyond. Finally a small but significant breakthrough came and everything from mind, body and spirit is where it should be. When it comes to the matters of the heart I've been getting to know someone and I like the direction but I must admit a part of me is a bit skeptical and afraid of being disappointed once more so I'm being very cautious with myself. I don’t know, a part of me wants to trust fully but the other part of me is screaming NO. It's a conflict within me. I don’t want to categorize him the same as the others before, I understand and doing everything to be patient yet his actions say something so different and I'm confused. I know God will give me an answer soon. I just need for him to step it up a notch! But hey what can you do. All I know is I would make someone happy and men like me are very hard to come by like on a customized, priceless tip.So on with the really fun stuff, yours truly has been asked to feature for Ken J. Martin's The Grind and I couldn't be more excited and nervous at the same time. We had to relocate to the Cupcake Factory on Memorial and I will provide the info sometime soon. Can't wait to see everyone!!!

I've been writing so much my hand is numb, for two weeks, I locked myself in the room and wrote new poems, spoken word pieces, songs, heck I wrote another album. I go hard with my craft lol yet I'm looking to seriously explore music so Im taking my time to allow that part of myself ( OLUKA) to develop and find my signature sound. It's all over the place yet I believe it will be what gives me the ability to create what I really want and not the typical for I'm anything but typical.

I’m looking to have “AYO” available on e books so look out for that and also I’m partnering up with a few coffee shops and salons between Atlanta and New York City. I’m in the process of planning a mini tour of five major cities to start and then expand. I’ve learned everything takes time and while I’m allowing the process to just be I’m doing everything in my power to stay consistent with my mission of spreading healing, truth and raw unadulterated honesty.I’ve been talking to a few of my artist friends to assist me with an book reading and art show so that’s in the works as well. Now I have my computer ( RICO) back I can keep you all updated more consistently so bear with me and to all of my BO’s + ARO’s thanks for the love, support and the encouragements. I will update you guys as soon as I learn something. Oh before I forget, Keith Boykin’s new anthology entitled ‘For Colored Boys Who Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Still Not Enuf is to premiere this June and most likely since I am one of the contributing authors I will probably attending the premiere so I will also keep you posted with that too.

xoxo’s

ARO

p.s Look out for my video blogs coming soon!

Venting: Dating and Feeling a Bit Inadequate

2012-03-31T14:08:00.001-07:00

Wow to believe for just a moment I was able to connect with someone who finally gets me and then he turns around and says to be just friends which is code for I’m seeing someone else. I don't know family, maybe I'm just meant to be alone. Trust me when I say I will have fun doing it and by fun I mean non-sexual fun! I don't have baggage, I'm not broken, just disappointed. Just feeling led on by someone who I thought for a moment I could actually open up to but it’s cool. Not even mad. A bit taken back but I wish him and whoever he's looking for nothing more than the best in all good spirits. What I don’t get is why it is when you're being consistent in courting; suddenly it's too much to be consistent. Good guys are always heart- burned and the men who are always hollering and crying and complaining they want a good man and wanting something real and open and yet are the ones who play the games like the NBA should be just burned alive. Ok a bit morbid but these feelings I harbor are raw and I can't believe I'm back here again. It makes me feel like something’s wrong with me yet I know I'm the package. If we let people, we begin to second guess ourselves and give up on finding the love we all deserve. but these feelings I harbor are raw and I can't believe I'm back here again.

I’m not sure if my non-existing love life even has a future. Yes I’m on the grind and people are always saying to not think about it well I tried that and succeed until I met him. My point is no matter how much I do or don’t think about love or dating when it does present itself it acts as a sick cosmic joke either way it goes. So why even bother being disappointed but on the flipside it’s a very isolating life to not want the very force that drives me. Today on Facebook, I posted a thought about dating outside of my race and how I feel inadequate when it comes to being intimately embraced, accepted and desired by the very men that I have so much passion for and so much love to offer to and the very men that I fight for on a daily basis due to a couple of factors. In their eyes I already have three strikes against me: I’m dark skinned, feminine and HIV+. Generally speaking, They (black men) place these illusive expectations onto you when they don’t even value it themselves and the so called standards in which they’ve set and do everything they can to convince you-you need them or better yet you have to follow them everywhere they go like sick and desperate puppies. Well I believe that is bullshit on a platter served cold. If I do date or at least attempt to date black men it’s a plane crash every time but the very moment I decided to try something different it’s a bad look or it paints a picture that I’m a traitor to my race and that I SHOULD be with a black guy because its familiar. Well, that shit isn’t working for me. Personally I believe as much as I love Black Men, maybe the love of my life may not exactly look like me at all. He maybe someone whose willing to just let be myself and not worry or dwell on the opinions of the masses or society or whoever has something to say. Being an individual takes a kind of courage that is unfamiliar to most and those who are like me find it to be a struggle to gain the very love we’re entitled to. What is a young black professional to do?

Updates and Upcoming Events

2012-03-12T14:06:00.000-07:00

Hey BO’s and ARO’s:

Okay, Okay!!! Now I know I haven't been posting as often as I should but I have a few announcements to make that will state my case lol.

First thing: I've been traveling for a little bit going to places like Orlando and New York City as Kidd Lacroix’s make-up assistant. It’s been truly paying off thus far and I’m really enjoying myself as well as the people who I’m coming across. “Ayo” is doing well and I even have a little something extra, I’ve met a guy, but that’s another post. I’m even going to have my books displayed at the So Royal Beauty Palace in Brooklyn, NY! Hey it’s a great start and I’m glad to have my book a part of its community.

Here are some of the happenings that are coming up

Ayo: Lost and Found Reading at Purple Door Salon 4/14 (RSVP)

Private Reading and Birthday Dinner 4/21 (INVITATION ONLY)

Charlotte, NC Black Gay Expos 2012 4/28

Well so far so good and life is becoming more and more beautiful every day. Oh and one more thing, I’ve started on the novel Perfect Dirt. I figured I wanted to have fun with my writing this time around. I’ve been writing so seriously and so it’s time to change the pace of things. I will keep you all posted on the progress and also on the events listed above but until then continue to keep me in your prayers and as soon as I figure out whats going on with the video blogging you will see more of me!

Love and Grace

ARO

Healing and The Message

2012-01-30T13:44:00.000-08:00

I know its been a minute since I've last posted something but I needed time to recoperate from a series of set backs, nervous break-downs and other factors that has compromised my health. I don't want to go into too much detail but I can honestly say this, I am more than a conquerer and its refeshing to be reminded of such a statement. During my mediation the other day, a passage came to me and I wrote it down to share with all of my BO's and ARO's:

Healing isn't a fairy tale, there are no quick fixes or storybook solutions. It is a process and constant work. It will always be something to work on. Healing is ridding everything standing in your way while feeling the sun hit your face for the first time, glamoring with peace and dealing with life's problems with a different idea of direction, willingness and creating a reality most suitable for you.

Alot of times, when we are getting things done, planning this event, creating your team, promoting your work, etc. we tend to forget to take care of our whole selves, on all aspects of the word and honestly I'd been running a ragged and not resting. My computer has been sent back to the manufacturer to have repairs done so I'm in a bit of a panic yet it's nice to NOT look at a screen all day or be boggled down with projects and planning. So remember, self care is vital especially for public figures and artists. You have to surround yourself with people who are going to pour back into you and replenish your energy. Sometimes you even have to say no and not over commit yourself which I've done more than once before. To be quite honest with you guys, my vision is WAY too big for me to handle alone and your support is important for it is you who assists me with carrying this weight. Another thing I had to realize too is I was viewing this project all wrong. I was looking at it as a product even though the essence of it is way more. I found myself becoming more technical with the business side of it all and it's hard to balance both artistic endeavor and entrepreneurship. Currently looking for sponsorship to take this project or rather spreading this message on a wider scale and if you know anyone who could be some assitance in any way please email me and let's get this message of Healing and Reflection out there for the masses to receive and become inspired to transform the lives of the people who read Ayo: Lost and Found.

Love you BO's and ARO's

ARO

Microsoft Pre-Ordering Special

2012-01-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

So on Feb.7th I will be reading and signing books at Microsoft Store in Atlanta at Lenox Mall in Buckhead. So from now until Feb.1,2012 I will be offering the book half price plus shipping and handling. Due to Microsoft's No Cash Handling Policy everything must be strictly online if deciding to purchase at the physical store or before the event. If you have already purchased a copy and have yet to receive it again I apologize,there was a mix up with the books therefore I am doing everything in my power to get it corrected. Here's the link BO's and ARO's! Also if you are going to be in attendance, please RSVP so we can get an accurate count of how many people to expect.

Thanks A Million and see you soon!

ARO

Almost forgot: IF YOU HAVE A KINDLE YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO BRING IT!

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/ayo-lost-and-found/12112513]