Inside Out Empowerment

Be One of Those Couples You Envy!

2011-02-01T06:03:27-08:00

With Kim Olver’s new book, Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life, you’ll have a more loving and satisfying relationship.

Secrets of Happy Couples explains:

Exclusive insights and suggestions gained by researching and surveying happy couples
Practical advice from a range of experts synthesized into learnable lessons
Tips for identifying problems and what to do about them
A unique and novel 3-step process for surviving affairs
The power of moving beyond "tolerating" differences to truly appreciating them
How to meet your partner's needs and your own at the same time

PLUS! If you purchase TODAY you will receive more than 60 phenomenal free gifts valued at over $3,500.00! But you must purchase NOW to get your free gifts!

Go to http://www.SecretsofHappyCouples.com

I wholeheartedly recommend this book to people looking for a more satisfying relationship in their lives. Whether you are looking for your ultimate love relationship or hoping to improve the one you already have, Secrets of Happy Coupleswill provide you with a roadmap to a happy, fulfilling and satisfied relationship.

All great relationships begin and end with yourself - Kim Olver

Book Trailer - Secrets of Happy Couples

2010-10-20T06:16:22-07:00

Kim

The Last Breath

2010-10-18T06:21:17-07:00

I am not suggesting that you live your life irresponsibly, quit your job and spend your life’s savings on a trip around the world. What I am suggesting is that you get “right” with the important people in your life, especially your life partner. Has a disagreement kept you from showing kindness or affection to your partner? What if he or she were gone? Do you put off spending time with your loved one, thinking that there will always be time tomorrow or next week? What if there is no tomorrow? Do you go through your day exhausting yourself doing things that everyone else wants you to do without thought to keeping yourself strong so you can be there tomorrow?

Take control of your time. Prioritize. What would you change if today were your last day? Spend time with those you love. Tell your loved ones you love them. Do something for yourself. Forgive past hurts. Focus your energy on what’s important in the grand scheme of things.

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner and, Your Life.

Three Steps for Surviving an Affair - StepThree

2010-08-23T04:00:00-07:00

Step Three: Forgiveness

The third step is forgiveness. Recognize that neither of you is perfect and you are both capable of making hurtful mistakes. The affair does not have to become the one event of monumental importance in your relationship. The person who had the affair needs to become more forthcoming with information about his or her activities. The person who was the victim needs to stop punishing his or her partner through guilt and blame and instead begin to trust again.

People have been taught to believe that trust is a commodity to be earned by others. Once your partner has passed certain tests, you feel safe to extend your trust. I would like you to entertain the idea that trust can be used as a verb, rather than a noun.

Whether you trust has so much more to do with who you are as a person than it does with who your partner is. When you are secure in yourself and know that you are worthy to receive love, it is natural to trust, even if that trust has been violated.

Deciding to trust again means you must stop punishing your partner. We punish in several ways. Often we punish with our emotions: We are angry, hurt, jealous, and insecure. These emotions are all designed to send a clear message of guilt to our partner. “Look what you did to me.” This is the worst form of punishment. Create the self-talk necessary to get through the rough spots.

Let go of the wrong that was done. Trust in yourself again. And ultimately trust in the Universal Spirit to always and forever provide you what you need when you need it. You will discover a sense of peace and calm that will sustain you through the challenging times.

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner and, Your Life.

Three Steps for Surviving an Affair - StepTwo

2010-08-19T04:00:00-07:00

Step Two: Correct the Behavior

When you have accepted responsibility for your part in the affair, the next step is about corrective action. For the person who had the affair, this means ending the illicit relationship. For the other partner, it means making the committed relationship a priority over whatever else was taking precedence. If you are committed to your relationship, you will consciously and consistently make your commitment to your significant other a priority, regardless of what your partner does.

This is not time for a tit for tat situation. You don’t want to hold back action, waiting to see what your partner contributes; this would likely result in a stalemate. Once you have determined in Step One that you really want to get your relationship back on track, you don’t want to let anything get in the way of your ferocious determination to change whatever patterns of behavior lead to this situation.

If you were the one involved in the affair, end it with no thoughts of maintaining contact with the other person. If your partner is having difficulty trusting you, then be open about everything with him or her in an attempt to allay the fear. Allow your life to become an open book. Aim for transparency in the relationship.

If you were the partner engaged in a socially acceptable affair, then you must reprioritize your life so that your partner and your relationship become of paramount importance. Cut back on the time you spend working. Get some assistance with your children if they are monopolizing your time. Reduce the time you spend on other things and recommit to your primary relationship with your partner.

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner and, Your Life.

Check back for Step 3 of Three Steps to Surviving an Affair

Three Steps for Surviving an Affair - Step One

2010-08-16T16:29:54-07:00

Many people ask, “Can my relationship survive an affair”? My answer is yes when you follow the three- step process outlined below.

Step One: Prioritize Your Relationship

The first step is for both people to realize that their relationship is important enough for them to attempt to heal from the trauma. Consequently, both partners must recognize the role they each played in the breakdown of their relationship. Dr. Harville Hendrix says that in all his work with couples, he has never encountered a couple where only one partner was having an affair. He says that if you look below the surface you will find that the “victims” were having “affairs” of their own, but their “affairs” were more socially acceptable. Partners can have “affairs” with their children, their work, their extended family, their friends, their pets and other things. Any area of your life that takes precedence over your intimate, committed relationship can be considered an affair. However in most cultures, an intimate, sexual affair with another person is considered far more despicable than devoting too much time to one’s children or work. Society approves more of these distractions, thus vilifying the partner who has an intimate affair with another person.

Dr. Hendrix says, “Infidelity is a co-creation designed to regulate intimacy by acting out their anxiety in ways that involved them with other people. . . . There are always two affairs. They are always co-created.” If your partner had an affair and you consider yourself the “victim,” you may want to do some soul searching to determine if there was anything you were prioritizing over your relationship. This is not to place blame on you. It is merely to distribute the responsibility more evenly for what happened and equalize the efforts for repairing the damage. If you want your relationship to survive this affair and even grow stronger, then sharing the responsibility for what happened in your relationship is a healthy first step,

When you both accept your responsibility in the co-creation of the affair, are truly interested in repairing the damage done, and make saving the relationship your priority, then you have taken the first step. Whenever you experience doubt, fear, or anger along the way, remind yourself of your highest goal: repairing your relationship.

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner and, Your Life.

Check back for Step 2 of Three Steps to Surviving an Affair

Effective Communication

2010-07-05T05:12:30-07:00

Everybody knows how important communication is in a relationship, right? Not necessarily. Some people are introverted and don’t like much talking and verbal processing in their relationship. Other people value communication very highly. In every relationship, there are communication challenges to be overcome simply because two different people come from two different backgrounds and hence communicate differently.

It’s important that you do your best to understand and honor your partner’s uniqueness and communication preferences. While some communication differences have been attributed to gender differences, others are due to personality differences, and still others to genetic influences.

In loving, adult relationships, it is best to communicate with the understanding that you are each individuals with your own needs,strengths, and desires. Engage in verbal exchanges that are only worthy of your equal. To tap into each other’s deepest desire, remember that men crave respect and appreciation, while women want to be loved and cherished. If you maintain this focus in your communication, your partner will most assuredly listen.

When you talk to your loved one, take the time to consider how your words will sound to him or her. Ask yourself the question, “If I say what I am about to say, will it move me closer to or further away from this person I love?” If the answer is further away, then find another way to communicate. If the answer is closer, then do it. If you don’t know, ask.

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book, Secrets of Happy Couples due for release in October 2010. Sign up for Kim's newsletter and receive a free chapter of the book!

Date Night

2010-06-10T09:03:48-07:00

One of the things that works to keep relationships alive is spending quality time with each other. In this information age, it is becoming increasingly difficult to carve out the necessary time to nurture our relationships.

It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, the drama and trauma of life, that you consequently take your loved ones for granted. You trust that they will always be there. After all, isn’t it enough that you come home every night, take care of the household chores, pay the bills, are faithful, don’t use drugs or alcohol, etc.?

While these things are important, it is also critical to allocate special one-on-one time with your significant other. Seriously, making time for one another to do something enjoyable together, without the children, is a great way to maintain romance in your relationship.

Unless you orchestrate the time for your relationship, other less important things will crowd in and take up all your precious time. Pick a night that will be “date night” with your partner and make a game out of being as creative as you can be. Try to see how many things you can do without spending money.The idea is to keep your relationship alive by making time together a priority. It is important that you find things to do as a couple that you both enjoy.

With more than 50% of today’s marriages ending in divorce, make this small investment in the longevity of your relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

When is your next "date night"?

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book, Secrets of Happy Couples due for release in October 2010. Sign up for Kim's newsletter and receive a free chapter of the book!

The Last Breath

2010-06-02T06:46:20-07:00

None of us know when we will be taking our last breath. You can continue to live your life as if you and everyone you care about will live forever. Or you can start prioritizing your time so that if you don’t open your eyes tomorrow, you will be satisfied with the way you spent your time today.

Has a disagreement kept you from showing kindness or affection to your partner? What if he or she were gone? Do you put off spending time with your loved one, thinking that there will always be time tomorrow or next week? What if there is no tomorrow? Do you go through your day exhausting yourself doing things that everyone else wants you to do without thought to keeping yourself strong so you can be there tomorrow?

Take control of your time. Prioritize. Spend time with those you love. Tell your loved ones you love them.What would you change if today were your last day?

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book, Secrets of Happy Couples due for release in October 2010. Sign up for Kim's newsletter and receive a free chapter of the book!

The Solving Circle

2010-05-21T06:01:52-07:00

Most of the time when couples go to a counselor or coach for help with their relationship, they are in a toxic pattern of external control. Couples are spending the vast majority of their time complaining about, criticizing and blaming each other. They have long ago stopped listening to each other and are locked in a never-ending battle to get their own way—which usually means changing their partner.

Dr. Glasser uses the process of structured reality therapy to work through this problem. It is simply a series of five questions answered alternately by both members in the couple. There are ground rules. The main rule is that while your partner is speaking, your only job is to listen and attempt to understand what your partner is saying from his or her perspective.

The first question is, “Are you here because you genuinely want help with your relationship?” This question is designed to weed out those people who are only coming to counseling to appease their significant other.

If both people answer yes to the first question, then they are asked the second question, “Whose behavior can you control?” This question is designed to help people come to understand the only person whose behavior they can control is their own.

Once the couple agrees they can’t control each other, then they are asked the third question. “Explain what’s wrong with your relationship.” This discussion can become quite lively with multiple interruptions.

After each person has listened to the other’s complaints about their relationship, the fourth question is, “Now, tell me what’s right about your relationship”? This question is designed to get the couple back in touch with why they care about salvaging their relationship at all.

Then the final question is, “What’s one thing you can do all this week that will help your relationship”? In asking the question as stated above, the helper is asking each person in the relationship to make a gift of what he or she is willing to do to help the relationship.

Any couple can evoke the power of the “Solving Circle” at any time. All it takes is one person in the relationship to be unhappy about something within the relationship. That person then asks his or her partner if the partner would be willing to join him or her in the “circle.”

This is a tool that can be used for life. All that is required is a commitment to strengthen the relationship above individual needs.

Are you willing to invite your partner into the "Solving Circle"?

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book, Secrets of Happy Couples due for release in July 2010. Sign up for Kim's newsletter and receive a free chapter of the book!