It’s no surprise to me that our youth can feel unsupported and unloved.

In fact, coming off the week of Valentine’s, I shared in a moment that on the outside may not appear to have much of an impact or affect.  However, if explored further, it’s clear that the lasting impression can cause more harm.

I was visiting with a good friend of mine and we were agreeing about our mutual dislike of Valentine’s Day and the connotations that it implies.  It happened that our discussion was the day after and his young daughter had experienced quite a bit of heartbreak on the day that is seemingly saved for love.

He shared that when his daughter had arrived home after school that day, she was visibly shaken and distraught.  Again, this is the day that we spend so much time, energy and money (over 16 billion in the U.S. alone) just to make sure people feel love.  However, there are no rules how you express your love or with whom you choose to express it.

As he inquired about what had happened, she told him that Samantha* had received 13 valentine’s in school and she received none.

None.  Zero.  Ziltch.  Nada.

Not even one single valentine was saved for her on this day of LOVE.

I imagine the heartbreak she must have been experiencing as she shared her valentine’s in class, waiting anxiously in anticipation to see what she might receive in return.

As she came back to see her gifts, she returned to an empty desk.  All the while, she found out that Samantha (who, I’m told is a very kind girl) was given 13!

In that moment of realization, my friends daughter, Kate* knew her worth.  It didn’t matter that her dad had spent years ‘making sure she knew her worth’.  It didn’t matter that her mom hugged and kissed her every day since the day she was born.  It didn’t matter that Grandma and Grandpa know that she is stellar.  In fact, 10 years of people telling her how amazing she is had no effect on her whatsoever.

What mattered, in that moment is that Samantha had 13 and she had none.  In a split second Kate realized that no one thought of her the way she thought of them.  In her mind, she wasn’t important enough to be given a valentine.  In that moment all of the wonderful things she’d been told over the years were undone.  Like a damn being broken open, in came flowing the doubt, lack, fear, sadness, and questioning.

As parents, we do the best we can all of the time.  My friend is an incredible parent and he shows kindness, compassion and love to his daughter.  He makes sure she knows he’d proud of her.

What happened?

Society.

Our children are susceptible to the same programming that we believe.  If we believe that our value lies in what we receive for Valentine’s Day, and it isn’t given to us or shown to us in a way that makes sense, then our value of ourself diminishes.

We are taught every day that our worth is outside of ourselves and although parents do a great job, society is much louder.

Is there hope?  Absolutely.  There are things we can and need to do for ourselves, our parents, our children, everyone that we come in contact with.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll explore some of the steps we can take to foster the worth from within rather than waiting on the outside.

In the meantime, what do you think we can do to support this growth?

*of course for privacy reasons, the two names have been changed.

This picture courtesy of 'bored-now' on flickr.

Everywhere you look today you’ll find expressions and sentiments of love.

I hate strongly dislike this day out of all the ‘holidays’ that are celebrated.  When I share my expression of this day, many are shocked.  Knowing that I love everyone, how can I possibly dislike a day that is celebrated as THE day of love!?!?

Today, for many, is just a reminder of what a loser* they really are.  Check facebook and Twitter and it’s easy to see that the thing that matters most today is what your sweetie got you.  There is so much emphasis on what you did (or didn’t) get.

I know that it might be unreasonable to celebrate Valentine’s Day EVERY day, but why not?  Instead of saving all your nice words and gestures for one day, can’t we extend beyond?

Plus, what really drives me crazy is that this day goes back to reminding us that the only way we are important or matter is if we are in a relationship.  What it does not emphasize is that even if you aren’t in a relationship, you can celebrate and enjoy this day focused on love.  To me the emphasis needs to begin with ourselves and how loving I am to ME.

As I embrace myself fully and LOVE myself fully, then I am able to express that to others.  I imagine a world filled with everyone that is able to see themselves fully in the eyes love.  We are all meant to love and to be love.  Today, go ahead and enjoy your expressions of love and take time to remember that it does start with you.

While you enjoy this day, also ask yourself how you can step more into the loving EVERY day.  Let’s agree to embrace our fellow brothers and sisters and join together to share that we are all LOVE.

You are an expression of love.  As such, you are destined to love and be love.  By embracing yourself as love, you change the world.  Today, know that you are love.

Please share – how will you choose to celebrate the love within and what will you do daily as an expression of love?

*The term ‘loser’ in this post is NOT something that I believe is true.  I recognize that is the message that we are taught to believe.

Last week I shared with you an experience I had when visiting a local church.  As imagined, it sparked a lot of conversation – much of which wasn’t even captured through the comments.  I had a number of people contact me directly wanting to visit and give a voice to their opinion.

As I stated, I know that what I’m doing does not and will not resonate with everyone – nor does it need to.  At the same time, I firmly believe that you are enough.

Scratch that.

You are MORE than enough.  You are amazing and you are designed for brilliance.

I know my voice isn’t heard by the masses (yet).  I am confident in knowing that it is a voice that NEEDS to be heard.  It needs to be heard because we all want to matter.

In fact, one of our biggest desires is to know that we matter.

It ticks me off when I hear that people are still being told that they don’t matter.  It really ticks me off when we send our children to ‘institutions’ to be educated and learn and grow and at the same time, they are being told that they need to fit in a box in order to be good enough or to be right.

Isn’t it time that we stand up and say that our children are worth more?  Isn’t it time that we step in and do everything we can to support them in embracing their brilliance?

Now IS the time.

Here’s the rub, though.  Most parents don’t even realize that they aren’t embracing their own brilliance.  Most parents don’t believe themselves to be good enough.  Most parents don’t know HOW to teach their children to uncover and embrace their brilliance.

Society teaches us at a very young age that in order to “be enough” we need to

• look a certain way
• act a certain way
• wear the right clothes
• have the right friends
• have the right ‘mate’
• have the right phone, car, house, job, etc. etc. etc.

Society shows us that how compassionate, loving, kind, and generous we are doesn’t really matter if we don’t have all of these others “things” outside of ourselves.  We are taught that nothing good comes from within.  And we are taught that as we grow up, in order to be ‘good parents’ we need to continue acquiring everything outside of ourselves otherwise our children wont love us.

What a joke.

What our children need is for us to stand up and embrace our brilliance.  As I stand up and embrace, my daughter sees that within me and unconsciously takes notice.  She sees me stepping forward everyday in the belief that I know to be true and it inspires her.

For all the sons and daughters out there, I will stand up for you.  I will continue standing until I can stand no more.  I know that you are a shining star.  You are brilliant and have so much to offer the world.  I believe in you.  I know you have a gift, many gifts.  Let’s stand together because as we stand, others will join us. 

Will you stand with me? 

Despite everything I talk about, I want you to know that you are not good enough.

This is the message I was told last week in a meeting.

Enter controversial topic along with me wearing my big girl pants.  I had to try them on this morning to make sure they fit.  I don’t get in them that often and I’m receiving a clear message that it is time.

Ever since I was little, I always questioned the religious beliefs that I’ve been told.  There are two that come to mind immediately.

1. If God is a perfect God, how can He create anything other than perfect? 
2. Why would my best friend have to “burn in hell” just because she didn’t believe the exact things I was told I had to believe?

As I continue to grow personally, I continue exploring these questions and I urge you to explore questions that you have may.  I’m not going to go into my reasons and thoughts behind these two questions, instead I’ll share with you the encounter last week.

If you’ve been reading my words for even the smallest amount of time, you would know that one of my main messages is sharing how amazing you already are.  It is my overall belief that society teaches us that we need certain things, outside of ourselves, in order to be enough.  We are taught that it takes the right clothes, car, job, education, partner, etc in order to be good.

My main message is saying forget about what society teaches and reconnect with how amazing you already are.  You are born into greatness and the fact that you are here is enough.  Period.  Instead of searching outside of yourself, look within, get attached to your gifts and offer them to the world.  It is by this offering that you begin to fill up and connect with what really matters.

Unfortunately, this is not the message that I was given last week as I sat in a room with 2 youth pastors and an assistant.

I had graciously received an opportunity to share with them my vision for sharing my message.  I know that my message isn’t going to sit well with everyone and in fact, I don’t need it to or expect it to sit well with everyone.  However, I was not expecting to hear what I had heard from this group of people that give so much of themselves in order to support the youth.

Before I share anymore, I want to be sure I say that overall, I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and learned quite a bit about myself and my role within this journey.  I know that meeting them last week was definitely part of my process and for that I am eternally grateful.  I will also say that much of what their message is really resonates with me and I commend them for the work they are doing.

As our meeting progressed and I shared my message, one of them shared about conversations they have with the young women.  I was told that she approaches it by telling them that they are not good enough.  She said it might be considered opposite of self empowerment.  She went into details about how we are not enough and we are born into sin and that it is our responsibility to recognize we are not enough and never will be enough. 

After personally searching and seeking for 32 years to be considered good enough and then 3 years ago to finally be confident stepping forward into ‘good enough’ only to hear that, by her standards, I’m not good enough and nothing I can do will ever be enough.  Wow.  Let’s just say that shocked and dismay is an understatement.

I deeply believe that her intentions are great and that the reason she holds this truth is in order to support her young women to seek outside of themselves in the Word of God.  I understand that.

My issues, however, goes back to my first question…

1. If God is a perfect God, how can He create anything other than perfect?

Wayne Dyer’s description comes to mind here.  He says that if you have an apple pie and you take a piece from the pie, you will always have apple pie.  The slice of pie, even though removed, will ALWAYS be apple pie.

My question then is, If I come from a perfect God, aren’t I already perfect?

I’m by no means suggesting that every action I take is perfect and holy.  I am suggesting, however, that I am enough and I’m born into greatness.  If I come from an amazing God, then by default, I am amazing.  Because I am born.

I’d love your thoughts.  I know this is going to open up some incredible discussions or at least spark some intriguing thoughts.  This is a much deeper conversation and I intend on opening up the lines of communication.  I believe it is time to stand in what I believe is true.

By the way, if you have any question about my opening line, please know that it is absolutely not the case.  I do know how amazing you are.  My prayer is that you know as well.

I know one of my biggest fears has always been recognizing how great I really am.

Most of us have been raised to be average, not great, just average.  We might be told we’re wonderful and then when we dream big dreams we are told why they wont work or what is wrong with them.

As I move forward on my journey, I’m embracing the greatness within more and more each day.  I know that there is a bright light that is shining within and it is ready to come out and be seen and shared with the world.

I believe Marianne Williamson says it best in Our Deepest Fear:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so
that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest in the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our own Light shine,
we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

So, I ask you, what are you afraid of?  For me, the only thing I fear now is keeping this light inside to myself.  I have a gift that I’m meant to share and share is what I plan to do.

What will you do?

photo courtesy of urbanmkr on flickr

An apostrophe (‘) and a space ( ) make all the difference…

A dot with a little hook and nothing at all.  Two things that seem non-essential, yet are very profound when we allow them to be.

I remember the first time I heard the shift from “impossible” to “I’m possible”.  It caught me by surprise and naturally I thought how stupid it was.  It’s just a silly play on words.  It can’t possibly make that much of a difference.  Besides, “I’m Possible” doesn’t make much sense anyway.

Or so I thought.

We are conditioned on so many things and one of them is to see the word impossible and allow it to stop us.  If we are told that something is impossible, often we don’t question the validity and instead just assume that it holds true.

Yesterday we celebrated Martin Luther King, Jr. day and I’m certain that he heard the word impossible many times throughout his short life.  Imagine what a difference it would make if he didn’t realize that what he wanted to do was possible, he just needed to insert himself (I’m).

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” ~ Audrey Hepburn

When we shift from impossible to asking what is possible, we shift from stopping to going.  We shift from no options to an open book.  By simply adding an apostrophe and a space, our entire world opens up to new possibilities.

Instead of focusing on the conditioning that we grew up with, focus instead on the possibility.  Focus on the “I’m” in impossible.  You ARE possible.  In fact, you are the only thing that matters.   The world needs you now and it is up to you to add the apostrophe and the space.

Please share >>>  what will you focus on knowing “I’m Possible”? 

Ugh.  I’m NEVER sick.

As the statement comes out, the word wizard in me says “I mean, I’m ALWAYS healthy.”

Well, almost always.

I usually find myself highly attached to the tissue box approximately once every 2 years.  What I’ve learned is that the box comes a callin’ when it is time for me to take some serious, often hard, action toward creating the life I desire.

Maybe you read about my non-conforming dislike of resolutions and found that this year I’m focusing on being ‘intentional’.  I’ve also shared how I’m very specific and pay close attention to my environments (everything that surrounds me – people, places, things) and that if it doesn’t serve, I let it go to make room for something new. Taking these two things into consideration, I KNOW I have a couple hard (uh-hem…challenging) decisions to make.  In fact, in my head, I’ve already made them.  I just need to voice them and share the news with the people that my decision may affect.

Enter sore throat turn stuffy head turn sinus infection turn cold.  (think dry, cracked and painful nose)

What does a ‘cold’ have to do with self empowerment lessons?

EVERYTHING!

The Universe likes quick action.  I made those decisions that I KNOW will serve me best and I haven’t actually taken action yet.  In comes the Universe to basically pull a “Dr. Phil” on me and tell it like it is.

Universe speaking to me >>> “Jen, if you don’t take care of exactly what you know you need to take care of, I’m going to force you to take care of things and slow you down until you DO take care of them.”

You see, I believe that we receive messages first in a whisper, then a little louder and then even louder.  If we don’t listen the first couple of times, larger measures are taken in order for us to hear AND listen to the message.

We ALL receive these messages – all the time.  Generally, I pay close to attention to the messages but clearly, sometimes I don’t.  I can assure you, I’m listening and am taking action NOW!

What message is in your life that is attempting to get your attention?  It may be time to slow down before you get knocked down.

I’d love to hear your stories about how the Universe has spoken to you.  Please share.

As the excitement and buzz die down from the New Year’s Eve parties, we are left standing with one foot in 2011 and one foot in 2012.

What’s next?

What does 2012 hold?

What do I want to accomplish over the next year?

Why does is matter?

Do I really need to care about it?

You may be asking yourself one, all or none of these questions.  I would venture to guess, though, that you, like most people, are at least considering some thoughts as you step forward into the New Year.

Of course, I’m the same way.  I ask the questions, consider my options and ultimately decide on choices that make sense for me.  This year, like last year, I’ve decided on a theme to how I want to live out my life over the next year.  (**Insert crazy and loud drum roll**)

INTENTION

This year I am choosing the theme of intention.  Within this theme, I will focus on 3 main principles.

1. Forgiveness
2. Gratitude
3. Love

It is my intention to have every action be based in forgiveness, gratitude and/or love.  I know that each leads to the next and to step forward the way I would like, I am choosing to be very intentional about how I live my life.

This hasn’t been a quick decision.  In fact, I’ve spent a bit of time determining the theme along with the words that I’m basing my actions in.  I choose them because I feel they each hold a very significant piece to our life here on Mother Earth.

Forgiveness

I firmly believe that forgiveness is our highest lesson to learn and embrace.  It’s easy to have gratitude and love others when there are no stones being thrown.  I don’t believe we are here to live easily, though.  I believe we are here to learn and embrace great lessons and that we are given new, different and changing circumstances in order to have more learning experiences.  With this is mind, we all have people that we can and need to offer our forgiveness.  Sometimes the most important person we need to forgive is ourself.

As others hurt us, it’s easy to hold tightly to that hurt feeling and not want to forgive.  We might feel like we have given up.  We might feel defeated or we might feel like we have simply let them walk all over us.  I encourage your to explore forgiveness.  I believe we are all connected and I am going to choose to receive the lessons and offer my forgiveness to those that may hurt me.  In doing so, I’m really offering my love to myself (as well as those around me).  I see it as a choice to “be the change” instead of live in the pain.

Gratitude

I believe that gratitude is our highest vibration, or highest form of energy.  When I am living from a state of gratitude, I’m choosing to focus on the good I have in my life along with what I know is on it’s way.  I once heard that it is easy to be in gratitude for what you have already, but it takes a master to be in gratitude for what’s to come, what you can’t yet see.  This is why I am choosing this as one of my actions.  I firmly believe and KNOW that as I am more grateful, I am given more to be grateful for.  By intentionally living in gratitude I am living in a space that opens me up to receiving opportunities, gifts, insights, etc.  In doing so, I open myself up to living a fully filled life while enjoying the many blessings along the way.

Love

I once thought the song “All You Need Is Love” was lame.  Now, I know that love is our ultimate and highest calling.  Love with a service to others is why we are here.  We aren’t brought into this world to see how much money we can make, to climb the most ladders, to wear the best clothes (although, that’s fun, too!).  Instead, we are brought into this world as an expression of love and for love.

As I step further into forgiveness and gratitude, love is an automatic result.  As my heart has softened and opened up, especially this past year, I’ve found myself more compassionate and loving of those around me.  Love is our natural state.  We are born into love and love is easy for us.  Sometimes we get tricked into believing that it is hard when really, all that has happened is that we’ve allowed ourselves to get caught up in the material frenzy that society teaches us we need to participate in.  When we step back and actually SEE people, we reconnect with the fact that we ARE ALL people and as beings, we desire to know that we are loved and accepted.  We want to know that we matter.

With intentional action, I am choosing to view others with love and in love because in the end, you are all my brothers and sisters.  As a direct reflection of myself, I choose to love you as I love myself.

Moving forward…

What does this mean as I step bravely and boldly into the New Year?  I’m not sure.  What I do know is that by living with intention and focusing my actions on forgiveness, gratitude and love, I’ll be spreading the message that I can be proud to spread.  I don’t know how this year will unfold and I know that I don’t need to know.  All that I need to do is commit to living my life and business intentionally while serving others and the rest will unfold exactly as it needs to.

I’m excited, blessed and grateful to be on this journey with you.  Thank you for being here with me.  Cheers to 2012!

I’d love to know how you started your New Year.  Did you commit to resolutions?  Create a vision board?  What do you choose for 2012?  Please share!

Gratitude.

As I take some time to reflect on the year gone by, the first word that comes to mind is gratitude.  How fitting that it is the first word since that was my focus this year.

Two a half years ago I attended an event and one of the many gifts from that event was the realization that I didn’t know how to receive.  I was quick to give but unable to receive.  I remember vividly how I rationalized not taking from anyone.  If you were to offer me something, anything, I would politely (because that’s what Mom taught me) say “no thank you”.  I had the firm belief that by not taking from you, I was actually giving to you.

How selfish.

That’s what I realize now.  It was actually selfish of me to not be a gracious receiver when offered something.  I held so tightly to believing that I was serving you that I didn’t see how I was actually taking away from you.  I always knew that when I offered someone something, I deeply wanted it to be accepted graciously because I had wanted to give it to them. 

What I had never considered was that if I am not graciously accepting, I’m taking from you the piece that I love so much when I give to others.

This point was made very clear to me at the event nearly 3 years ago.  I was given a $100 bill to use as I choose toward furthering my learning and growth.  Before it was even handed to me, the moment I saw it coming, I put up my hand and immediately said, “I can’t take that from you.”  Of course, they must have been experienced with the game that I played and told me my not taking it wasn’t an option.  They shared that they already talked and decided that instead of spending it in the casino later, they wanted it to go to good use and they wanted that to be for me.  Eventually I accepted and we made our separate ways back to our seats.

Later, as I was re-telling this incident to my group, I shared the story with them and immediately I was told that my problem isn’t manifesting (aligning with what I desire), my problem is actually RECEIVING.  In order to be able to give abundantly, I need to receive graciously.  As I receive more, I have more to give.  It’s a circle and without both pieces, I’ll eventually run out of giving.

I had lived in my world of not wanting to receive because I didn’t want to take for over 30 years!  Imagine my surprise when I was awakened to this new and exciting concept.  I had agreed during that event that I would ask for opportunities to be a gracious receiver.  Of course, I received many wonderful gifts during that time.  Then, I decided that I wanted to take it a step further.  This year I chose to allow this to be a weekly practice.

As I reflect back on this past year, I am in sincere gratitude for all the gifts that I have received.  I have been practicing being a gracious receiver and accept, with open arms and a big heart, all that has been given to me.  Receiving has taught me more about gratitude than I could have imagined.  I am grateful to you for you are on this journey with me.  Thank you.

What an exciting year 2011 has been.  What has been most exciting for you?  What are you most looking forward to in 2012?

Why does EVERYONE keep saying that!?! Ugh.

This was the exclamation of my daughter’s response to someone yesterday at school immediately AFTER saying “thank you.”  As she shared this with me this morning in the bathroom while getting ready for school, I could hardly hear her words.

She had a tone of disgust, frustration and bewilderment as to why people would be saying such a thing so often.  Of course, as her Mom, I had always known these words to be true, as did close family and friends.  In fact, she had heard the compliment many times before over the course of her short 14 and 3/4 years.

This was different. 

All of the sudden, she was receiving the same compliment on nearly a daily basis and she didn’t understand WHY.

It only takes a moment to recognize the truth behind the compliment.  As you look into her eyes, you would probably agree as it goes something like this…

“…Jasny, wow!  You have such beautiful and piercing blue eyes!”

Of course she has been taught how to be a gracious receiver and as I know, that isn’t always the easy option nor is it the option that we are most comfortable with.  Like many, we are still learning just what being a gracious receiver means.  When she first began receiving the lovely compliment, she would graciously accept it and say “thank you”.  As I learned this morning, that has shifted quite a bit.

The shift was the enter of the “uncomfortable stage”.  She has never been put in a position to receive compliments over and over and now she is in that position and she doesn’t know how to hold the space – yet.

As she shared her response from yesterday’s compliment, she asked me, “Mom, why are people saying this all the time now?”

My answer, “Jasny, you are receiving a reflection of what you have been doing for other people.”  I went on to share, “Honey, as you compliment other people, you open up a space to receive compliments from others.  As you give more, so you receive more.” 

In that moment, I saw those piercing blue eyes light up!  She completely understood what I was sharing with her.  We had talked about it a number of times and now, for the first time she can pinpoint, it was happening.

What she had given to the world, was coming back to her a hundred fold!

We’ve talked a lot recently about how we can ‘make someone else feel special’ with just a few words.  We pick out things we like about someone else and then instead of holding them inward, we tell them.  Over the past few months, I have strongly encouraged Jasny to share with other people.  I don’t think she made the connection that by sharing with others, she would also begin to receive.  Instead, it was simply the act of sharing and giving to others without focusing on what she would gain.  By letting go of her personal gain, she was able to fully, completely and authentically bless many other people.

Now, the tables have turned and she is also being blessed.  By blessings others, we also bless ourselves.  It isn’t always immediate and most likely it will not be from the same person.  Still, blessing others is important because that which you give to the world always comes back to you.

As we left the house this morning, she had a wider smile across her face knowing that what she was doing was spreading and making a difference.  It really does only take one to change the world!

Starting with your family and friends, who can you bless today by sharing a compliment?  During this time of year, especially, let’s focus on giving.  Give the gift of a compliment and watch as it unfolds in your life.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you’ve seen this unfold.