Insurance Jokes

Unusual Insurance Claims

2011-07-14T07:50:00.001+01:00

Mr Fairclough was driving home from Christmas shopping when, on a bend, a car coming the other way had a huge Christmas tree badly tied to the roof. "He was driving too fast and I saw the tree lift off and it flew straight at me. The trunk created an awesome dent in my bonnet and caused me to run off the road and into a hedge." Mr Fairclough added: "The chap did not stop and he never came back for his tree so the Police said we could also have it. It wasn't funny at the time, but looking back it was like a comedy sketch!"

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A cat ran across the road and Mrs Carr did an emergency stop. Our claims handler explains: "As she stopped a Transit van hit her from behind and she thought she had run the cat over. She told me there was a terrible crash that did an awful lot of harm to the back. The van driver got out but didn't believe the story concerning the cat until amazingly, it ran out from under the automobile and disappeared still with eight lives left!"

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That's just what our claims handler thought when Mr Carlton stated he was driving household from the pub with a buddy and passing under the by-pass a sheep landed on the bonnet of the vehicle. "It had come from a lorry that had overturned on the by-pass and in fright it jumped over the parapet," Mr Carlton told her. He also kept telling her he hadn't been drinking! The automobile was a write-off, but Mr Carlton did not say what happened to the sheep!

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Miss Pownall, a nurse, was on her solution to function when a magpie flew in front of her. Says the claims specialist who took the call: "She started telling me concerning the saying about magpies you know, 'one for sorrow, two for joy' and wondered exactly where this was going! But she explained that saw one and was looking out for the second and promptly ran into the back of the automobile in front. She did not say no matter if she ever did see the second magpie, so perhaps there is some truth in the old story!"

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Mr Woodford was involved in a several accident in 'sleety snow' on the M62. "I was in the middle of about a dozen vehicles and my car was bashed front and rear," he told the AA. "The vehicles all crunched up like a concertina. Though we waited the chap from the vehicle in front took out, of all items, a concertina! He was supposed to be playing at a carol concert so he started playing Christmas carols for us rather!"

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Mr McGuinness was following his son who was about to trade in his automobile for a new 1. He made an emergency quit and regrettably Mr McGuinness ran into the back of his son's auto. "I caused a great deal of damage," he told our claims handler ruefully. "It meant the part exchange deal was off and my son couldn't obtain the vehicle he wanted right after all. I wasn't pretty common."

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This story truly did raise a smile. Miss Simpson discovered two into one will not go the challenging way at her neighborhood Asda automobile park. She told our incredulous call handler who ended up laughing with our customer who could see the funny side: "We both went into a space at the very same time and got jammed against the vehicles on either side. We were stuck fast and couldn't open the doors as well as the fire brigade had to rescue us. It was pretty embarrassing we had about a hundred individuals laughing at us."

Funny Insurance Claims Outside Of The Motor Industry

2011-07-10T15:18:00.000+01:00

Extract from office worker's compensation claim form:

Agent of the injury: Drawer

How did accident occur: Drawer fell out and landed on my foot

Where was claimant injured: Foot

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(Years ago, my husband was driving the kids to preschool in our rural neighborhood. Out of nowhere a ten point buck [a very big deer] leapt out of the side bushes and smashed into the car. Luckily the only injuries were to the car. When the insurance company was called to file the claim, they wanted to know if the buck's feet were ON the ground or OFF the ground when it hit the car. "Why?" I asked. They said this would determine whether the claim was covered or not. I asked which one was covered. You can guess the rest, but I still wonder who is looking at feet when you are being charged by a huge animal! (Incidentally, feet ON the ground was covered. Their logic was seemingly that the car was hit by something, rather than vice-versa, if that makes sense. And for those who don't know, a 'ten point buck' refers to a big male deer with ten points, or tines, on its antlers.)

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I was reminded of one I read when working for a plumbing firm many years ago. A lady had claimed for a leaking toilet and had sent in the form like this: "The leaking toilet is reached through my back passage, but please tell the plumbers when they arrive that they must knock on the front door as my back passage is blocked with the things out of the toilet.."

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I once made a claim due to a broken washing machine. I put a load of washing on before going away for the weekend. On my return I found it to be stuck in a boiling cycle and my whole kitchen was nigh on destroyed by the steam. When I made a claim through my broker to the insurance company it was denied as I was not insured for steam damage! My broker quickly pointed out that water is H2O and the same chemical compound at steam! They were not having it. The judge, in the small claims court, did not even allow the insurance company's counsel to speak. He took two minutes to read out the case, laughed and said "Water is H2O as is steam - case for the plaintif." The claim was swiftly settled by an embarrassed insurance company.

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When I worked in personnel at an airline I handled claims for processing. I received the following explanation from the catering department: "Burned elbow while putting tongue into pot". Apparently the fellow was in the process of cooking tongue, which is then sliced for sandwiches. This was approximately 1960 when airlines had cooking facilities in the hangars.

Life Insurance Jokes

2011-07-06T08:19:00.001+01:00

One day, an American life insurance company received a letter from a lady saying that unfortunately they have to cancel her husband's life insurance policy. 'We always paid it in time', she wrote, 'but since my dear husband's sudden death last year we have had some financial hardship; therefore, we would like not to pay it anymore'.

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Life insurance agent to would-be client:

"Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know."

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You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents."

"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm one of them."

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A life insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part on health history. He asked his client how his grandfather died.

This was his client´s startling answer. "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

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A Life Insurance agent decides to take a good friend with him to the horse race track and enjoy the afternoon. When he returns home his wife asks, "How was your day, did you make any money."

He replies back "Well, I didn't make any money today, but my client sure learned how gambling with the numbers certainly doesn´t pay off."

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"Do you know the present value of your husband´s policy?" the life insurance salesman asked his client.

"What do you mean?" countered the woman.

"If you should lose your husband, what would you get?" asked the salesman.

The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, "Probably a poodle."

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The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he could not answer the question about the cause of death of his father.

The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged.

The salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: ´Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.´"

Health Insurance Jokes

2011-07-02T22:30:00.006+01:00

Several cannibals were recently hired by a health insurance agency. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don´t eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You´re all working very hard, and I´m satisfied with you. However, one of our CSR´s has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the CSR?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we´ve been eating Producers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the Customer Service Representative!"

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A health insurance agent is walking down the beach, sees a old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed off genie emerges.

She says "Normally I grant three wishes, but in your case, I am going to grant only one".

He thinks a minute and says - "OK, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed".

She says "So be it!", and disappears back into the bottle.

Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hilary Clinton. He has no penis, a broken leg, and no health insurance!

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A brilliant man goes to the hospital one day. "Doctor, I think I'm too smart. I can’t communicate with other people because nobody else sees things the way I do and it's ruining my social life. Is there anything you can do?”

The doctor performs many test on the man, and finds that he is too smart for his own good. The doctor tells the man “Your IQ is 250, which is much greater than an average person. Luckily I can help you. I have a machine that will reduce your IQ to 160. You will still be very smart but you should be able to lead a normal life as well."

The man asks to receive the treatment immediately so the doctor straps him into the machine. Right after the doctor turns on the machine he gets a call from his ex wife and they have a heated argument for several minutes. All of the sudden the doctor remembers his patient and hurriedly turns off the machine, but is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.
The doctor asks, "Are you ok?"

The formerly brilliant man doesn’t respond

The doctor shakes him, yelling "Say Something."

The main replies "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"

Strange and unusual insurance policies

2011-06-29T20:25:00.000+01:00

Lottery

Some insurance companies will provide a policy for business's that will pay out insurance if one or more workers wins the lottery and doesn't come back in to work.

Alien abduction

Some Insurance companies will insure you in case of alien abduction.

Satellites

Some insurance companies will allow you to take out an insurance policy that will pay out if you get hit by a piece of debris from a satellite falling from the sky.

Twins

Some insurance companies allow parents to take out a police in case they have twins! You have to have taken out the police first, before you know how many kids you'll have.

Speeding

Some insurance companies will let you take out an insurance policy in case you get caught speeding! The policy will cover you for up to 4 offences.

Parking tickets

Some insurance companies will cover you up to the value of 4 parking tickets.

Rabbit

Some insurance companies will allow you to take out a police in case anything happens to your pet rabbit.

Bricklayers Accident Report

2011-05-01T14:15:00.006+01:00

This is supposedly a true account of an accident report filed by a bricklayer.

Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor
planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller
explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed
my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed
later, were found to be slightly more than 500 lbs. Rather than carry
the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using
a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth
floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.Then I went down and untied
the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form, that I weigh
135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
descending at a rapid rate. This accounts for the fractured skull,
minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the
accident report form.

Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of! mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a
great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed
approximately 50lbs.

I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and
several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck seemed to change. Hitting the barrel seemed to slow me
enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and
fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks,
in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind
and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel beginning
its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your questions.

Lower Your I.Q.

2011-04-30T20:47:00.003+01:00

A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I´m too smart. I´m having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it´s ruining my social life. Can anything be done?"

The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, "Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intelligence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You´ll still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well."

The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.

Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.

The doctor says, "Are you all right?"

The former genius just stares blankly.

The doctor shakes him, saying "Say Something."

The former genius replies, "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"

Funny Insurance Quotes

2011-04-30T11:56:00.000+01:00

Last week I bought a retirement policy. All I´ve got to do is keep up the payments for 15 years and my agent can retire.

I thought my group insurance plan was fine until I discovered that I couldn´t collect until the whole group is sick.

I bought a new life insurance policy but the small print is impossible to understand. All I´m sure of is that after I die, I can stop paying.

Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this: You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.

Buying insurance is what keeps people poor so that they can end up dying rich.

Genie Grants Insurance Salsman His Wish

2011-04-30T11:46:00.001+01:00

A insurance sales rep, an insurance administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the insurance admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She´s gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the insurance sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He´s gone.

"OK, you´re up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.

The Insurance Agent And The Genie

2011-04-22T22:01:00.000+01:00

An insurance agent walking along the beach found a bottle.

When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."
The insurance agent thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.

Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said.

"I´ve always wanted a Ferrari," the insurance agent said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the insurance agent, "I´ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."

Health Insurance Salesman Get's a Taste of Karma

2011-04-22T01:52:00.001+01:00

When a young health insurance salesman met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

"I´ll see Heaven first," said the health insurance salesman, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to an eternity of musical produce.

"Can I see Hell now?" the health insurance salesman asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the basement where he was greeted by one of Satan´s loyal followers. For the next half hour, the health insurance salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he´d ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, "Hell" of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision. "Yes, I have," he replied. "As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I´ve decided to spend my eternity down there."

The health insurance salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. "When I came down here for the tour," he yelled with anger and pain, "I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!"
The devil replied, "Oh, that! That was just the Sales Demo."

Insurance Lyrmick

2011-04-20T23:48:00.000+01:00

This is a short lyrmick about an insurance man who goes to heaven.

Last night as I lay sleeping, I died or so it seemed,
Then I went to heaven, but only in my dream.

Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates,
He said "I must check your record, please stand here and wait."

He turned and said "Your record Is covered with terrible flaws,
On earth I see you rallied for every losing cause.

I see that you drank alcohol and smoked and used drugs too,
Fact is, you´ve done everything a good person should never do.

We can´t have people like you up here, your life was full of sin,"
Then he read the last of my record, took my hand and said "Come in."

He lead me up to the big boss and said "Take him in and treat him well,
He used to work in Insurance, he´s done his time in hell."

Insurance Agent Self Study Exam Joke

2011-04-20T03:54:00.000+01:00

A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE requirements for its insurance agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.

On the first day of the new requirements, an insurance agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late.

"You´ll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states.

"Just give me the test," replies the insurance agent, "I´ll finish it."

Suspiciously, the administrator gives the insurance agent the test.

The time limit comes and passes and yet the insurance agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the insurance agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests.

"You can´t turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit."

"Do you know who I am?" replies the insurance agent.

"No", says the administrator.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the insurance agent says more forcefully.

"No, and I really don´t care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed.

"Good," says the insurance agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.

5 Travel Insurance Jokes

2011-04-18T20:53:00.000+01:00

Travel Insurance Joke No. 1

An accountant, a secretary and a travel insurance salesman are travelling together through a rural area. Tired, they drive up to a small country inn. The owner tells them he only has one room vacant with two beds, so somebody will have to sleep in the barn for the night. The secretary draws the short straw and heads out to the barn while the others go to sleep. In less than an hour they are woken up by a knock at the door. It s the secretary, who complains, There is a pig in the barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep near an unclean beast.

The accountant is ticked off but gives up his spot and heads out to the barn. The other two go to bed but soon are woken up by another knock. It s the accountant who has returned saying, There is a cow in that barn. I m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred beast. The travel insurance salesman is aggravated and just wants to get some sleep so he walks over to the barn in a huff.

Some time goes by and the accountant and secretary fall fast asleep but they are woken up by a much louder pounding. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: The pig and the cow!

Travel Insurance Joke No. 2

A travel insurance agent was walking along the beach when he found a bottle. When he rubbed it, there was a puff of smoke and a genie appeared.

I will grant you three wishes, announced the genie. But I must warn you: since Satan hates me for my good deeds, for every wish you make, your rival will get the wish as well only double.

The travel insurance salesman thought about this for a while. For my first wish, I would like ten million pounds, he announced. Instantly, the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. But your rival has just received $20,000,000, the genie said.

I've always wanted a Ferrari, the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared. But your rival has just received two Ferraris, the genie said. And what is your last wish?

Well, said the salesman, I've always wanted to donate a kidney.

Travel Insurance Joke No. 3

Here s the same joke again, pretty much, again characterising the brokers as dispassionate and ruthless in nature:

A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager from the travel insurance office are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp on the street.

They rub it and a genie emerges in a puff of smoke. The genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so I ll give each of you just one.

Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk. I wish I was in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! She s gone.

In astonishment, the travel insurance sales rep steps forward: Me next! Me next! I wish I could be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse and an endless supply of Pina Coladas. Poof! He s gone, too.

OK, you re up, the genie says to the manager.

The manager says, I wish those two will be back in the office straight after lunch.

Travel Insurance Joke No. 4

A travelling insurance salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.

The reply came back shortly: Begin vacation as of yesterday.

Travel Insurance Joke No. 5

Needing travel insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn t there the first time, chances are you won t be needing it again.

Marry a Health Insurance Agent Joke

2011-04-17T17:30:00.000+01:00

A woman was in hospital after feeling very ill.

The doctor says to her, “I have some very bad news for you. You only have three months to live.”

“Oh that’s awful,” the woman sighs, “what will I do?”

The doctor replies, “Marry a health insurance agent.”

“Will that make me live longer?” asks the ill woman.

“No,” replies the doctor, “but it will SEEM much longer.”

Army Life Insurance Joke

2011-04-17T17:22:00.001+01:00

Airman Smithy was assigned to the army induction center, where he advised new army recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI life insurance policies.
It wasn’t long before Captain Brown noticed that Airman Smithy was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling army life insurance to nearly 100% of the army recruits he advised.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Smithy’ life insurance sales pitch.

Smithy explained the basics of the GI life insurance policy to the new army recruits, and then said: “If you have the GI life insurance policy and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI life insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000.
Now,” he concluded, “which group of soldiers do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

Revenge On Insurance Company

2011-04-14T22:28:00.000+01:00

This is a classic and made me laugh myself silly when I heard it! I don't know if it's true or not but it made me smile!

An insurance salesman thought he had come up with the perfect way of getting revenge on the insurance company that he'd been working for, for almost 20 years after they made him take early retirement.

He bought a case of extremely expensive and very rare Cuban cigars and had them insured against fire damage.

He smoked the whole case of 12 cigars, and then filed a claim against the insurance policy.

In his insurance claim, the ex-insurance salesman stated he had lost the Cuban cigars in “a series of 12 small fires”.

The insurance company refused to pay the insurance claim, citing the reason that he had just consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.

The man sued the insurance company and won the court case!!

While delivering his verdict, the judge said “since the man held an insurance policy from the company in which it had warranted that the Cuban cigars were insurable against fire, without defining what it considered to be ‘unacceptable fire’, it was obligated to compensate the man for his loss”.

The insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid their ex salesman $12,000 for the rare Cuban cigars that were destroyed in “the fires”.

After the insurance salesman cashed his insurance claim check, the insurance company had him arrested on 12 counts of arson!

With his own insurance fire claim and testimony from the previous court case being used as evidence against him, the salesman was convicted of arson on 12 counts for burning the 12 rare Cuban cigars and sentenced to 12 months in jail.

5 Longish jokes about Insurance jokes

2011-04-09T00:42:00.000+01:00

Here's 5 longish jokes about Insurance salesmen.

Mr. John Mumford III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:
"I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me."
Mr. Mumford died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.
On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed
"I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Mumford, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted".
Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Mumford. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Mumford would've wanted".
The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: "I can't believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Mumford a check for the full $30,000!

Mr. James Barricks, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:
"I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me."
Mr. Barricks died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.
On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Barricks, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It´s what he would have wanted."
Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Barricks. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it´s what Mr. Barricks would´ve wanted"
The insurance agent was angry at both men and said: "I can´t believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Barricks a check for the full $30,000!"

An insurance salesman, risk manager and a safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.
The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.
In a short time they´re awakened by a knock. It´s the safety director, who says, "There´s a cow in that barn. I´m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."
The risk manager says that, OK, he´ll sleep in the barn.
The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock.
It´s the risk manager who says, "There´s a pig in the barn. I´m Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal."
So the insurance salesman is sent to the barn.
It´s getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.
But they´re awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It´s the cow and the pig!

An underwriter, an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek.
The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him.
The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him.
The insurance agent is thinking: the underwriter must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakenly slapped me instead of him.
The underwriter is thinking: I can´t wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn insurance agent again!!!

An accountant, architect, and insurance agent work in the same office building. They constantly argue who´s the smartest dog. They decide to bring their dogs to work the next week, and let the dogs actions determine who is the smartest.
The accountant opens a big box of dog biscuits and throws them on the table. He instructs his dog "Count" to add up the total biscuits. The well groomed female dog winks back muttering "ninety five." The account smiles and stretches back in his chair. He says "beat that!"
Going next, the architect uses the same box of biscuits. His beautiful female dog is "Bridget". Quickly the dog builds a three tiered, well designed bridge. The owner proudly says to the insurance agent, "You sure can't top that, it took me years to train my dog to do everything exactly right."
The insurance agent replies "training means nothing, you need natural instinct." He brings out his mongrel male dog, "Commission". Next he throws the dog biscuits in the trash. "Commission" instinctively rushes over to the two dogs, screws them both, and takes the rest of the day off.

More Funny Insurance Claims

2011-04-07T21:20:00.000+01:00

Here's some more funny insurance claims people have put on their insurance claim forums to explain what caused their accidents.

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

Funny Insurance Claims

2011-04-07T18:31:00.000+01:00

These are real examples of some of the funny insurance claims people have put on their car insurance claim forum to explain how the accident happened.

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

"I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got."

"The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. The telephone pole was approaching fast."

"I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over."

"I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."