Intelligent Bang

Giving Thanks, Part II

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 19:56:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving!

The lovely thing about Thanksgiving is that being grateful for things doesn't come easy, and while its something we could be every day, with or without Oprah's encouragement, its good to have a day where you realize, okay I am not starving, maybe I could complain less. Less looking on the bright side, more being realistic: food is good, good food is even better. People are good, people can always try to be better, and people do try.

And there is so much to be grateful for: Barack Obama, for one. Low gas prices, for two. Hulu, my goodness, hulu.com for like three through eight hundred. Being old enough to have escaped Twilight mania: I got the Titanic mania full force, if I were thirteen, I would no joke probably be dead with two wounds on my neck from like, my breakfast fork. So, four tiny wounds. Although, let's be greatful for Twilight mania too, because, as Time Magazine pointed out, its bringing romance back to the movies, getting the young ones to read (a chaste, Mormon-penned love story, no less), and you know, new Paramore songs, which is always cool.

Also, speaking of Titanic, Leo is in a new movie with Kate! It is totally like being thirteen again. Which I am oddly grateful for.

SO, happy Thanksgiving, and please enjoy your day with food, family, and pre-pubescent angst.

Have you heard?

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:04:00 +0000

In the general theme of gossip, we have the band, the show, and also the verb itself.

The band is great because their song "Fire with Fire" is my "Eye of the Tiger."

The show, Gossip Girl, is awesome in a mythical sense, like Paul Rudd.

And the act itself means that I have something to tell you. Not about celebrities or anything scandalous. I just wanted to say, have you heard of televisionwithoutpity.com? Just because, the recapper Jacob writes things every week that cause me to pause, and linger, and reread, to fully absorb the genius. In reference to Gossip Girl, Jacob writes:

"How being looked at means being responsible to the people looking at us, and how incredibly difficult and painful it is to retain your grip on anything real when every occasion is an occasion to be false, because it's drastically easier.
It doesn't matter if you're really perfect as long as everybody thinks you are; it doesn't matter if you're really happy, or a family, or good, as long as nobody sees the cracks. But what none of them can imagine -- and it is difficult -- even just one person, somewhere in a secret place, that would look you in your eyes and say they see the cracks and still don't care. That's the home they're all trying to create, for themselves and for each other, all the time -- that's all Dan is about, really; that's all Blair was saying when she said everybody knew how bad it was -- but it also comes back to this: being abject, dancing in freefall, is good. Those are the free places. But they're still not as good as owning the spot where you stand."

TelevisionWithoutPity.com

Project Runway: I'm Sorry, You're Out

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:20:00 +0000

Project Runway, you are officially demoted.

I rooted for you, I tried sticking up for you when you were dismissed as just another reality show. And I didn't give up on you throughout this lackluster season until last night.

Your former brilliance seems to have imploded into a black hole, stunning viewers with your absence of light, rather than the emergence of it.

What the hell, PR? I loved you. You presented challenges to the contestants, which we fans could engage with and evaluate; you judged fairly, promoted innovation and creativity, and allowed, most importantly, new talent to emerge unencumbered, bolstered by support and mentorship from the best in the industry. You were relevant, aware, and edited cleanly, without the more prevalent reality show penchant for melodrama.

And now? Now, even Tim and Heidi seem sick of this show. The challenges are rehashed, ridiculous, and seem to now focus not on challenging designers, but on challenging advertisers to come up with a new way to work product placement into every damn challenge.

Look, slumps happen. But PR is a caricature of itself now, without the meta-irony that allowed me to continue loving The OC until the end of television as we know, or the apocalypse, whichever comes first. The challenges and editing have been atrocious; whereas previous seasons slipped into sensationalism once or twice, this season, even the contestants seem to have been hand selected for their ability to create catchphrase and attention. Their ability to create fashion isn't remotely relevent, all of a sudden, because they aren't being asked much, and they are delivering even less. The aren't creating, they are getting by, and just barely. Last night, none of the dresses were impressive, and none of them were finished. On any other show, that would be odd, troublesome. On PR, it is inexcusable. (Thus, they are demoted.)

Previous seasons focused on rising to the challenge, pushing the norm, and executing the seemingly impossible. It was fun to watch because you found yourself wondering, How did they do that? And, how would I do that? The structure of the challenges was thoughtful, almost as fun as seeing how it would be interpreted. Now, we have straight-forward challenges that are met by Kenley complaining that they aren't suited to her or her abilities, and how it isn't fair. I eventually disliked one or two people each season--I have watched every episode of every season, with rapture and devotion typically reserved for religious fervor--but at least they were interesting, and usually very talented. Now, I can barely stay interested enough to hate the epitomy of all things needy and annoying, Kenley, who is nothing more than a self-important hipster cliche. Boooring. Show me a giant balding Quasimodo who writes hilarious original showtunes and delivers a pitch perfect, affectionate Tim Gunn impersonation while designing fresh, perfectly detailed designs, or an angsty recovering addict with neck tattoos and mohawked son who yells at moms and creates highly original, beautiful yellow plaid couture. They were assholes, but they had the talent to make it layered, intriguing asshole-ness, rather than annoying, go-away, Bettie Page wannabes.

Project Runway, in Intelligent Bang, its not one week you're in, and the next you're out. You pretty much have to take suckiness to new and shocking lows, which, congratulations, you did. I still love Heidi and Tim, though.

Work it Out

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 08:23:00 +0000

One good way to not feel guilty about watching TV is watching TV at the gym. Not saying you should feel guilty about watching TV. Quite the opposite, in fact--which, I suppose, means I advocate feeling TV about watching guilt? This is in situations where, after going to Catholic Mass, you decide to go to Best Buy. Or, in broader terms, feel proud for watching TV. Really.

But, if you do struggle with guilt for "zoning out" in front of the tube, the gym can really help eliminate it. You don't even have to work out, just show up in comfy clothes and sneakers, wander around, and then eventually gravitate toward a spot where you can safely watch the game while pretending to wait for the elliptical. You will look and almost feel like a person who worked out. And you can always zing people who accuse you of "sitting around watching TV" by pointing out that, A) you went to the gym and B) you were not "sitting" so much as standing.

OR, and this is my approach, watch it on the treadmill, going at a comfortable pace, the kind of strolling-with-a-friend-while-having-to-pee-and-get-to-a-restroom sort of pace, and watch four or five channels from suspended TVs, because things that are suspended are generally awesome, including, but not limited to, mobiles, glow in the dark stars, disco balls, and TVs. And I'm pretty sure watching TV this way makes you smarter, because you're not just watching TV, you are reading TV, thanks to closed captioning.

And reading TV can really be revelatory. For example,
commercials tend to have this sort of agenda. Like: they want to sell you things. Sometimes, they seem funny, or sweet, or both (I'm looking at you, Kaiser Permanente!) and you start feeling affection: I like this commercial, you think. It makes me smile. Which is why watching TV at the gym is really beneficial: when you read the captioning on the commercial, they pretty much spell it out. Its all, this product, that product, you need this. Like, I'm at the gym, totally on the treadmill, now is not the time, Carl's Jr!

NONETHELESS, not all commercials are bad (still looking at you, Kaiser! Thrive!) Some things that make me feel better, faster, stronger, and the opposite of guilty. (How I linked commercials to exercise is kind of a stretch...ha! Stretch! Get it?)

Survival of the... Stronger, Than Yesterday

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 08:53:00 +0000

The creature known as Britney Spears seems to be...evolving. Evidence suggest that the Britney, after an extended period of belated adolescence, has shed her protective layers of--for lack of better words--fatness and craziness, and is re-emerging as a tougher, better version of herself. Of course, when I say evidence, I mean gossip rags and tags online. I don't personally know her, so...your guess is as good as mine. She may be a gila monster or a swan. No judgement either way--gila monsters are really kind of cool.
But, at any rate, three cheers for the girl (since that is about how many people read this.) I mean, I don't fully understand the fascination with her; I know there is one, and that I, as a person currently living outside of a rock and who has never resided in a cave, share this fascination. Unabashedly. I love this girl and I am really, really optimistic about the new album, which is said to be coming out in about nine months. Which is coincidentally how long it took her to produce her two little boys, and they seem to be pretty awesome.
Also! She is nominated for three VMA's, so I know I am not alone in this pro-Britney campaign. Three more cheers, one for each VMA. Which means each reader has to "Cheers!" twice?

Rule Breaking

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 03:30:00 +0000

The idea of an "intelligent bang" is the idea that pop culture is not, by definiton, stupid. Sometimes, of course, pop culture is dumb, and reflects poorly on the culture's population. If this (horrible reality show, cheesy song, cliche movie) is what is popular, it's because we are all thoughtless sheep, goes the thinking. It is somewhat ironic how popular this is to say and think, how popular it's become to be wry and cynical and dismissive of anything enjoyed...or at least in my college educated and relatively pretentious crowd. So in an effort to champion the underdog, to stick up for the unpopular--or rather, unappreciated--bits that are popular and yet not--against instinct--horrible, cheesy, or cliche, this site was started. It would break the rules to champion something that isn't popular, that hasn't made a "bang." And yet, Guy Ritchie's new/old film "Revolver" is so universally reviled that I simply must break the rule.

With a stunning 6% on rottentomatoes.com, I had an idea that the movie might not be Oscar caliber. One review, by Chicago's Sid Smith, referred to a an online poll that named "Revolver" worse than "Alexander," "Bewitched," and "The Dukes of Hazard." I have seen "Alexander," "Bewitched, and now "Revolver," but unfortunately I cannot, with any authority, say anything about "The Dukes of Hazard." But I can authoritively say that "Revolver" is, to be scientific, about one trillion times better than the atrocious "Alexander" and the blindingly bad "Bewitched." Honestly.

Okay, I will concede that Ray Liotta overacted a smidge. But. Andre Benjamin played it so cool and even that he made up for any exagerrated performances, plus Jason Statham looks great with hair. I mean, God. The film is original and shot with such precision; an aerial shot of a black cadillac slowly filling up the screen as it moves down the street, all curves and angles and shiny and black, demonstrated to me a director who is in control. Yes, of course the film is stylized; intentionally, and to good effect. This is no "Batman" circa George Clooney, bless his charming little soul. The white, pristine jail cells that held (separately) the trio of Vincent Pastore, Andre Benjamin, and Jason Statham, and the aforementioned shiny black cadillac that also holds the three, are not meant to be realistic representations. They are meant to be visual representations of the extended metaphor that is the movie; it's all a game of chess. One brilliant flashback demonstrates how Statham's character passed the time in solitary confinement: he played the game against himself. The Liotta scenes are always lush with color and excess; he is in a gilded room in one scene, and an elaborate and eerie blue tanning, um, room in the next. The so easily dismissed "mTV style" of editing is not jarring or, in 2008, anything to be annoyed about. In fact, many scenes are extended and contemplative and impressive, particularly with Liotta's character--his Bellagio style casino, or maybe Versailles is a better comparison, displays his character's character in long shots, allowing the viewer to see, in more ways than one, the whole picture.

This movie is not thoughtless. It provokes thought, as it means to, but clearly quite a bit of thought went into making it. Too much thought can spoil a film, to be sure, but this is not the case. The movie is trying hard, and I appreciate the effort. I was impressed by the story line, and I thought it kept its focus, and maintained its metaphor without giving anything away. The twist isn't anything outrageous, but it is an unusual one for mainstream films, by which I mean, an indie film this is not. And it doesn't try hard in the "Look at me, I am doing so many crazy things, no one is smart enough to 'get' this film besides me, because I am a genius" way. It is in no way a poor man's David Lynch. Ritchie seems to want the viewer to figure it out--not immediately, but eventually, and gently leaves clues throughout the film. Without spelling anything out, he gives you all the letters. My intelligence was never insulted by dumbed down plot devices or contrived and truly pretentious "symbols." It did make me upset to read that the film is perceived, depending on the review, to be guilty of both of the above director's sins. So, I am breaking the rules, because "Revolver" did, and I am saying to the film's opponents: you are kinda dumb.

Giving thanks

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 19:41:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank you, two wonderful people, for voting on the IntelligentBang logo.

Thanks, everyone, for your patience while we figure out how to blog with regularity.

Thank you, Britney Spears, for writing the awesomeness that is "Overprotected" way before your meltdown, because your words trump mine and now I have more proof that you are a real human.

Thank you, Donald Trump, for having a last name that means to surpass, or whatever it means.

Thank you, Hollywood, for holiday movies, like "Enchanted," with Amy "Adorable" Adams and McWhogivesadamnnowthattheshowsucksplusialwayslikedwhatshishotnessyouknowthemeanonethatusedtodatethegirlwhogothitinthefacewitharockDreamy; "The Golden Compass," with who cares, I've waited like a year and a half for that movie; "I'm Not There," with every actor ever, and like twenty more really interesting movies.

Thank you, Mason Jennings, for coming to San Diego, and for writing songs.

Thank you, NBC, for Thursdays, but mainly for "The Office," especially for the greatest love story since Pam and Jim, which is Darryl and Kelly.

Thank you, TIna Fey, for being a girl.

Thank you, Paris, for having sex.

Thank you "Greek" for whenever you come back.

Thank you Bravo, for like, everything, like usually showing good movies like "The Godfather," for trying so hard to make intelligent reality TV, plus the "Real Housewives of Orange County," plus the best announcer voice ever on all your ads....and maybe the greatest gift of all....Tim Gunn.

Thank you Heidi Klum, and a higher power, for "Project Runway."

Thank you.... mom and dad for feeding me, among other things. Thank you, boy, for being nice even when I'm not. Thank you M, for being lovely and yet just like me, but also different enough that we can still talk to each other.

Thank you, everyone creative, for creating the good and smart and wonderful.

Evolution needs guidance

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 08:21:00 +0000

It's evolution, baby. Help us pick our logo.

First or second? (Or maybe we don't need one. We don't know, we're the sort that like to embellish, often unnecessarily.)

Project Greatness

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:17:00 +0000

I've been struggling to care about pop culture lately. I've been bored/overwhelmed by the happenings; the fact that my day job blocks all internet access except to Staples.com certainly hasn't helped. Without celebrity blogs/movie reviews/television show recaps tempting me, I've developed a fascination with the weekly specials on Staples.com and a deeper understanding of the vast product line they offer--so much more than office supplies! But nothing to blog home about, and I've been getting worried. Has all my preaching about the values of pop culture and the pure joy of mass entertainment been false? Have I worked myself into a frenzied defense of something that is, actually, as flimsy and empty as is commonly believed? No. We mustn't forget: Project Runway returns November 14th, and will restore balance in my world, if not everyone else's. Michael Kors is gonna make hyperbolic comments and weird faces, Nina Garcia is gonna be a bitch who knows exactly what shes talking about, and Heidi Klum will be so adorable that she may be eaten with a spoon. If it wasn't for Project Runway, I might not be here anymore. Here being this site, not Earth, and I only clarify that because, I am sure that Project Runway can prevent suicide, just not in this particular instance. Let the countdown begin to November 14th, and if you are feeling down or detached from society, just hold out a little longer, and, as Tim Gunn would say, make it work.

Can You Spot the Attempts at Accepting/Understanding a Britney Spears?

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 05:28:00 +0000

You know how sometimes you see drunk people, and you feel like an anthropologist studying an uncivilized culture with rituals and traditions that seem to completely defy logic as well as human nature, and then you remember that one time you and your friends stumbled down the street singing Britney Spear's songs while wearing plastic hats for each one of the Village People roles and mustaches drawn on in Sharpie occasionally screaming "Who wants a mustache?" and making sure no one goes home without doing a pole dance on a streetlight since the girl wearing the Indian Chief hat said that it would be funny?Obviously I meant that figuratively, to demonstrate that sometimes, having an outside perspective can be revealing, and sometimes experiencing something yourself helps you understand other people's situations, and also Indian headdresses are inherently impressive; I'm obviously not one of those annoying bloggers who tries to slip in funny revealing things in order to psuedo-subtly give the impression that I lead an interesting and varied life. I will tell you right now if I wasn't so attractive I would probably have been clubbed to death in order to silence me, much like how chihauhuas are invincible despite being yappy things that shake and pee all the time. Chihuahuas and myself have developed adorableness as a defense mechanism, and have small bladders.

I meant to say, both my mom and 50 Cent discussed and ponder the girl. Her name is now slang for vagina. She is who I sing when I am drunk. She is like an abstract painting worth millions of dollars being publicly displayed in a museum, and some people say its ridiculous: it doesn't look like anything, what's it supposed to be, anyone can make a mess with a bunch of colors and then say "you wouldn't understand" by way of explanation, and, my favorite, "I don't like it and it's not really art since it was all influenced by drugs." Then some people say: it represents sadness/corruption/hunger/beauty/Socialism/if it wasn't for the Bush Administration/the feminine mystique/myself/desire/drugs/penis envy/life itself.

The thing with abstract art is, if its controversial, you know its good. And everyone is right.

Because a painting won't change after its been painted, no matter what people say; it stays the same while the world around it changes.

It would be fascinating to watch a painting trying to comply with what people think about it; I think they had something like that in Harry Potter?

Sorry, I was just watching "Who the F**K is Jackson Pollack?" and I always root for the underdog. (WAY TO GO RHODE ISLAND! THE LITTLEST STATE!)

I'm just saying, the girl is a girl. Not a painting. She's an intelligent bang alright, but thats like saying your best friend is all you could ever ask for in a stepstool. Shes sturdy, supportive, and you can move her all around when you need her.

Hey MythBusters, can you check something for me?

noreply@blogger.com (m) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 23:32:00 +0000

So, post long overdue. Sorry about that, but it is a time of wedding planning and almost-job-quitting-but-deciding-not-to for me and sometimes you neglect the ones you love. Anyway...I saw that movie that came out a few weeks ago, "Shoot 'Em Up." Don't worry, they are being ironic, but not overly so. There are definitely a lot of people getting shot in this movie. If it weren't for the film's artful awareness of its genre and sublte commentary alluding to that awareness, I would suggest a more apt title might have been "Stab 'Em Through the Brain with a Carrot", which is what Clive Owens did about eleven times in this movie.

I have read a few unfavorable reviews of this film (actually, just one, I get my movie reviews on NPR for the most part, because I am just a liberal snob like that) that seemed to think that Clive Owens and Paul Giammati should be ashamed of themselves for being in such a primitive and unintelligent film. But I am going to have to disagree. The title alone tipped me off that this movie was not going to be a mere violence orgy (although it was a violence orgy and at one point there was a violence orgasm, which was kind of weird and funny at the same time). No, I thought this movie was just kitch enough to make the joke, but shoot 'em up enough to have mass appeal. The plot was weak at points, but then again, what movie in this genre has a storyline as tight as my abs? None, is the answer we are looking for here. My only real issue: can you really kill someone by stabbing them in the face with a carrot? I thought it was a great shtick for the brooding antihero to always be munching on organic orange vegetables, but I couldn't help but wonder (Carrie Bradshaw style) if a carrot can really disembowel my brain.

"Real World: Sydney" Prevents "Down Under" Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:18:00 +0000

There are a lot of things one could say about MTV's "The Real World." There are also a lot of things one could say about apples. What I would say about apples is that they are delicious in pies. What I would say about "The Real World" is that it is damn brilliant.

Number one, documentaries were around since Jane Goodall took an interest in primates, but to document on film real life for young people, that started with "The Real World." For better or worse, thank MTV for all the rest of reality TV.

So its original. Fine. So is astro turf on flip flops, but that didn't really amount to much. (Shame, those were kinda comfy.)

Number two, it stuck to what works. The average good looking person is really fascinating. Average good looking people also tend to have sex a lot. Average good looking people do weird things for attention, and young average good looking people drink a lot and are typically self-obsessed.

But the average good looking person can also be a good person, a not so good person, etc. And watching seven of them, its always fun to play "F**K, Marry, or Kill." (Who do you want to f**k, marry, or kill? Sorry, parentals. Its all abstract thinking.) Its especially fun to watch them and think about who you relate to, who sucks and why, and not have to worry about it hurting their feelings, because they are real people but they are also on television. So it won't get back to them.

Actually, I was just watching episode six of the Sydney cast and I needed to bring up the show somehow.

Mainly:

Shauvon falls off of Isaac's knee and thinks she's bleeding and starts totally freaking out and yelling and cussing at Isaac. He refuses to apologize because, well, she fell about a foot and a half off his knee, plus she was wasted and playing Twister. Also, she landed on the carpet, on her ass, and there was no logical reason for her to react like she reacted. Basically, he had a point, initially.

He's sticking to the "she's not hurt, she's flipping out, and I didn't do anything so why should I apologize?" line of thought, but everyone else in the house is getting annoyed with her shrieking and urges him to apologize.

All he can get out is "I'm sorry gravity worked in your disfavor." (It's brilliant, but not necessarily grammatically correct all the time, much like yours truly.)

THEN they start getting really upset. They exchange words about when, exactly, Isaac should shut the f**k up, he disagrees, she throws some food at him, and he throws some food at her, she throws some water, he calls her a slut, she gets REAL mad and says, why, because I wouldn't have sex with you?

Kelly-Anne to the rescue. She take Isaac aside and rightly points out that sure, he is right, it wasn't his fault. But he had kissed Shauvon the day before, and her pride was hurt. All he had to say was something like, hey, honey, you all right? Plus, Kelly-Anne says, she's wasted, doesn't know up from down, and she doesn't know what she's saying. He concedes, and goes back in to make things right. Kelly-Anne struts back inside, triumphant that she fixed other people's problems since she can't fix her own, and Isaac follows behind her to, you would think, ask Shauvon how she's doing.

What happens is:

Shauvon is laying on the couch surrounded by the other girls in the house, who are cooing over her while she cries and looks very very melodramatic, much like you would imagine a drunk girl in her twenties to look after falling on national television and then being called a slut.

Isaac, walking in purposefully: "Shauvon...Shauvon...I apologize for calling you a slut, I shouldn't a done that, but I was a little angry, because its a very disrespectful thing to pour water on somebody like that...and I was pissed...and like I didn't mean like your a slut like that...when I just get up and start yelling at a girl, thats one of the first words that comes out is you're a slut, you're a whore....you're a (bleeped words...more bleeped words...Shauvon covers her mouth and starts sobbing again...)...ok...there's a bunch of other words that also that I'll start to say to girls just to make them pissed off...(scratches his face, starts slowing down, possibly noticing this isn't going as planned...Shauvon starts audibly weeping, Kelly-Anne reaches over and hugs Shauvon)....uhm, I just wanted to apologize for calling you a slut...(Parisa turns around to give him a dirty look as he says...)...so, uhm, you can apologize for throwing water at me whenever you want?"

(Literally, I watched this scene like twenty times to verify what Isaac says.)

Kelly-Anne, holding Shauvon's head and stroking her hair, whispers in Shauvon's ear: "Just apologize, apologize."

Shauvon, sobbing loudly, holds out her hands in confusion, and says: " I'm sorry? I'm sorry..."

Isaac, sincerely: " 'pology accepted. (Eyebrows raised appreciatively, and then, turning to leave the girls to their sobfest...) This was a good talk. This was a GOOD talk."

Later Isaac reveals that he is no longer comfortable with anyone sitting on his knee, ever. Shauvon cries more about the boy she left behind, who apparently proposed to her on the condition she give up her career so she could have his kids and time travel back to the 1950s. Then there is a comical reenactment by the boys of the house of the dramatic fall/water throwing, and Shauvon reveals that sometimes when she gets drunk she regrets what she said, especially what she doesn't remember saying. She also agrees that it is never appropriate to throw water on people's heads.

Sure, some bits are amped up. Some bits are oversexualized, overdramatized.

So what. So are sitcoms. People act a little differently on camera. Its not funny on purpose, but its not unfunny on purpose either.

So there's a lot of things you can say about "The Real World."

But don't ever say it's not educational.

I learned that playing Twister while intoxicated can lead to trouble, not least of which is being called a slut.

I learned that slutty activities include, but are not limited to, falling while intoxicated, throwing water, and abstaining from sex.

I learned that there are many ways to define a "good talk."

Finally, I learned that throwing water is disrespectful. I always thought it was flirtatious, like when you're on the beach, or helpful, like for when people are on fire. Now, I understand the true consequences of dangerously flinging liquids.

Seriously, though, how can you not be in awe of this show? How does it even exist? How do people not love Cohutta so much? He is adorable. Poor Kelly-Anne, in love with Cohutta. What kind of a name is Cohutta? Or Dunbar, or Shauvon, for that matter? Do they have to work at all this season or did I miss that? Why is Parisa so annoying? Shouldn't she be cooler? Why do I love Kelly-Anne even though she is a little bit of flirt? Why are there four hot girls and two southern boys and one guy from ASU? What happened to diversity? Plus are there no gay cast members this season? That means unlimited hook-ups between the boys and girls, and no off limits boys for the girls to confide in. WHAT? Will that even work?

So many questions...see, the show makes me THINK!

My Intelligent Bangin' predictions for fall

noreply@blogger.com (m) — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 01:13:00 +0000

OK, here we go. Everything before this was just a warm-up. TV is back in season and it's time to get your hunting license.
I'm totally sitting here watching the E! special on fall TV shows and honestly, it has just annoyed me into writing my own preview of the season. Apparently, a "much contested" couple on Grey's Anatomy will start off the season with an "I love you, too." Great. Apparently firing all the angry homophobes still doesn't cure the issues the writers of that show have with continuity and character development. Thanks, E!. Now I know. Wow, I just did not know how to handle all that punctuation two sentences ago.

So, here's my diagnosis of what appears to be a network season chock-full of of StupidBangs and a few redemptive IntelligentBangers:

StupidestBang:
Well, look no farther than ABC. They can pretty much always be trusted to fill this category. It was hard to choose from all the stereotypical character-driven feel good crap they have going for them, but I am going to have to go with...Cavemen.
Honestly, I know there are those of you out there who are willing to give this glorified GEICO commercial a chance, but come ON. Just read the description posted on the ABC website:

"Over the last hundred thousand years, mankind has evolved from primitive creatures to sophisticated beings, except for a small minority who unfortunately didn't evolve physically at all. Now three sophisticated cavemen (who already have a fan base from their popular GEICO commercials) are living in modern-day Atlanta, where they are at odds with contemporary society as they struggle to overcome their physical appearance and the accompanying stereotypes."

There is no way this is going to work out. Those stupid commercials are probably the least funny the GEICO marketing team has ever been, yet they won't let it die!! Hey, at least they haven't overplayed it to the point of "Thing X? $20. Thing Y? $87.65. Thing Z? $11. Thing that is intangible and unable to be measured in a dollar amount but occurs based on your ability to go into debt using a MasterCard? Priceless." The cavemen, having not been around for my entire life, have not yet annoyed me quite so much. But, they are making this StupidBang of a TV show and they have never incorporated an elephant and a zookeeper with a cold into any of their commercials (I cried at that one, not gonna lie), so they are working their way to being unforgivably resented and overplayed.

Most Indistinguishable (from each other):
And hey! It's actually not Grey's and Private Practice. I think I will be able to tell those apart when all the funny and interesting characters end up on the spin-off. The winner here has to be Big Shots and Carpoolers.
Both shows are about four men. Both shows emasculate said men by showing just how much they are like women! Oh my gosh, like Sex and the City, but for guys! Except, wait. Sex and the City for guys is Monday Night Football. Because Sex and the City was for girls. For a reason. Anyway, further similarities: both shows are trying too hard to reach the same demographic and they both are going to get cancelled. How can we tell them apart? Well, Carpoolers looks like it might actually be sort of funny and Big Shots is about rich guys. Oh and Dylan McDermott is in it. So, yeah.

Creepy/Intriguing-est
I am torn. I totally watched one of those marathons of Endurance on Discovery Kids. I can get away with it because it is part of my job to work with kids and come up with games and team challenges. So it's research. Honestly, though, it is so entertaining. It's like The Real World without the sex and alcohol. Oh wait, that doesn't sound entertaining at all. But it is, I swear. The next "strand the kids in the middle of nowhere and see what they do" show is Kid Nation. Undeniably, this is an interesting premise. But haven't these people ever read Lord of the Flies? I guess that's probably where they got the idea. Sucks to your asthmar.

Most Intelligently Bangin'

OK, I will go with one show from each member of the Trinity (ABC, NBC, CBS) that got my IB radar beeping:

ABC: Pushing Daisies
There has been a ton of buzz about this show and for good reason. Just read this promo from the ABC website--

"Pushing Daisies is a love story about a pie-baking young man with a very special gift… the ability to return dead people briefly back to life with just a simple touch -- enabling him to help a P.I. crack murder cases by asking victims to name their killers. Director Barry Sonnenfeld, writer-producer Bryan Fuller, and the producers of Big Fish blend romance, crime procedural and high-concept fantasy to create a fairytale in the spirit of Amelie, Stranger than Fiction, and Chocolat. Features a stellar cast."

I'll tell you what. If the same person who wrote this blurb writes the dialogue and comes up with the plot lines, this show just can't fail. Plus, Kristen Chenowith is in it and she is like the fulcrum point of awesomeness. Also, when she was interviewed about the show, she called it "fantasmaborical." That makes me think that the show will be simultaneously diabolical and fantastically orgasmic. Or would it be orgasmically fantastic? I don't know, but I'm excited!!

NBC: Chuck
This must have been what Josh Schwartz was doing during the fourth season of The O.C. But the man who brought us Chrismukkuh seems to have done something right again. The show seems funny and smart, and just like with boyfriends, what more do you need in a man/show? Also, judging by the preview, they seem to delve into the ever-relevant topic of nerd vs. geek definitions and that just turns me on.

CBS: Moonlight
I seriously do not watch any shows on CBS. Not one. But looking at their fall lineup, they are either really good at making crappy shows sound interesting, or they hired some new execs because I am intrigued. Moonlight was the show I finally settled on as having the most potential, but that might just be because I am a big dork and I will watch pretty much anything about vampires. I am not even joking when I tell you that my alarm clock is Buffy re-runs coming on at 7 every weekday morning. It's literally the only thing that wakes me up anymore. Moonlight sounds more like Angel than Buffy, but maybe more like the latter in that it could be a career launcher as opposed to "a job for people who used to be on Buffy (and no, SMG won't guest star. She thinks your neck is too wide, David Boreanaz...and vampires don't age. You're fired.)"

My only beef with Moonlight is that in this show, vampires can't die via wooden stakes. That is like, vampire fiction heresy. They just pissed off their whole demographic and most importantly, the people who would have stopped by their booth at Comic-Con.

So, we'll see. I could be completely wrong about this. I never would have guessed that The Hills would appeal to me on so many levels, but guess what? The New York Times merits it with an "undertow of gravitas" and call LC's dialogue "Austenian" so I feel validated in more ways than one.

Pride and Prejudice V: The Jane Ultimatum

noreply@blogger.com (m) — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:59:00 +0000

My vacation this year consisted of a marathon of Shakespeare plays and lots of hippies, yuppies and yippies. I took a break from the Bard to see a movie. In a town built on live theatre, the movie selection is slim pickins, but there was Becoming Jane, the prequel to a series of movies that fall slavishly at the feet of the sarcastic authoress and her much idolized leading villain Darcy, not as she wrote him, but as we interpret him, courtesy of Colin Firth. And who doesn't love Colin Firth, really? Girls, if you actually read Pride and Prejudice, you will realize it's not Darcy you're in love with. It's Colin...

So, back to Jane Austen: There has to be a reason she never got married that has everything to do with ROMANCE and nothing to do with FEMINISM(working title). Dudes, what is our obsession with Austen? Let's just say, as the movie ever so subtly concludes that she did write the greatest novels in the English language. WHY do you care so much that she apparently never had some kind of witty repertoire with a misunderstood British hottie? What's next, the "true story" of how Mary Shelley actually did steal body parts from corpses to create her very own Frankenlover but they could never be together because society just couldn't accept their love so she dropped him off in Antarctica and wrote a book based on her life?
As great as that movie could be (Kiera Knightly as Shelley, Russell Crowe as Frankenlover), it's about as based in reality as Becoming Jane. Watching that movie was like watching the Titanic, but without the steamy car sex scene. You know this ship is going down.
Austen lovers, a word of advice: you need to pick the Jane you love. Is her writing great because of the clever dialogue and the convenient resolutions via marriage device or is it great because of the subtle social criticisms that are thinly veiled behind the Victorian facade? If you want to love every word Austen ever wrote, go right ahead. But realize you either love the earliest form of harlequin novels or you love the adamant feminist.
Disclaimer: (spoiler alert!) I actually really liked this movie. I love Anne Hathaway and this version of P&P, for that's really all it is, actually does pay tribute to Austen's penchant for irony and acknowledges the dire situation of women for which a profitable marriage was the only solution. I just thought it was a stretch. Some guy she knew in passing and wrote a few lines about in some casual notes to her sister is somehow her great unrequited love? Oh wait, he named his daughter Jane. Undeniable proof. I think we just can't stand to imagine that Austen could write great love stories without falling in love. Or maybe we just can't stand to think that her stories aren't about love at all.

Hey There, Delilahs!

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 05:32:00 +0000

There is this song on the radio. You may have heard it. If you haven't, please, please, please tell how this is possible?

This DJ was making a joke about how there's gonna be all these little girls named Delilah, all born in the summer of 2007, and so, everyone should "fight the urge...do not, under any circumstances, name your kid Delilah...especially if you're expecting a boy...seriously, I know you thing this song is 'your' song, but there will be way too many Delilahs in the future, do not name your kid..."

Then he went on for awhile about adoptions and whatnot. But the joke stuck in my head, as does the song.

Everyone thinks it's their song, everyone loved it...now its getting overplayed, the more cynical are starting to turn against it...

There's "Hey Ya!" and then there's "Mambo No.5."

The fact that your mom, your dentist, and that douchebag next door who wears "Your girlfriend thinks I'm hot" shirts can all sing all three songs DOES NOT mean the song sucks or you suck. (Unless you are the douchbag who wears those shirts. Seriously, can you please get yourself on a makeover show? Or just stop shopping at Hot Topic and Anchor Blue? Be a rebel, go to the Gap, and compensate for the lack of a message on your shirt with something like, a personality, or, even better, massive biceps. Then, it will be implied that the girlfriends of the world think you are hot. Honestly, until they start making shirts that say "Your girlfriend thinks I'm hot...But she will figure out I am a douchebag in two seconds, so don't sweat it" shirts, do not purchase false confidence or anything else that implies that the message you are wearing is the most you have ever read. I will gladly shop for you, if need be.) Thats pretty much the credo at IntelligentBang. Well, not in so many words.

You know how people think "this is is probably the right way, everyone else is going this way," and then, sure enough, find themselves on the right freeway? But then again, that same thought can lead to being stuck in traffic with everyone else trying to get the hell out of Disneyland, or wherever, while one or two geniuses went against the grain and drove straight out of another exit?

Well, "Hey There Delilah" is like finding the freeway.

Not the freeway to love, or life. That's too easy. Jeez.

The song works because it feels real. Of course, its catchy and sounds sorta simple like maybe you could play it, and it rhymes in some places, and its hopeful. And its about love...of a girl. Which everyone in the world either is, or has also been in live with at some point. Unless you are gay, in which case, the sentiment still works? And also, it's a little about love of something far away, and how someday you'll have it, and you know you're gonna have to suffer a little bit, and your friends might make fun of you, but, someday, you will be happy with whatever or whoever you love, if you just do what needs to be done in the meantime, if you can endure the hard times a little longer. Mostly its about Delilah, though.

But find me a catchy, simple love song about someone far away and I will reward you with something equally rare, like Top Ramon or a Starbucks. Like, I'll show you the Starbucks, I won't give it to you. Also, this is not an actual challenge.

I'm just saying, if you reduce the song to its elements, there isn't a clear reason this is the song on everyone's lips, and not, say, an Ash song or a John Mayer song or something. The lyrics aren't overtly deep or impressive-- he rhymes "city" and "girl, tonight you look so pretty." And the lyrics drive the whole song--the melody is not face-melting-guitar-solo friendly, its soft and acoustic and basic.

Then it starts getting specific. Like, this girl isn't generic, its Delilah. His Delilah. And he's not trying to sound smart or clever, he's just talking to his girl. And she's far away, and maybe she's not too sure this long distance thing will work, and her friends keep telling her she should move on, and maybe she's confused. So, he writes this. He's written other songs for her, but he wrote them the same way you talk to your person on the phone differently when you're with your friends or in the store. He wrote for her in public. This song he wrote like how you talk to someone when you're both in bed alone, and the other person is far away, and this is as close as you can be. He wrote for his Delilah, who was probably sort flipping out, and they probably hung up and she was mad that he wasn't saying anything, and so he wrote this, for that girl. It's real. Which is brilliant.

So, Delilahs of the future, this ones for you...and you...and you.

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

Igotmyeyeon YOU!

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 22:40:00 +0000

HBO's "John From Cincinnati" was canceled...

I was thinking about this when listening to a commercial for "LasikPlus Vision Center." The commercial offers, I swear to John's Father, $200.00 off Lasik eye surgery to the first 500 callers. Also, you pay nothing until 2009, and then you can pay interest free payments of just $48.00 a month. The part of me that wears contacts was thinking, awesome. The rest of me was thinking, what the hell, is this furniture or surgery? Like, dear Lord, is this the sort of establishment that did Tara Reid's plastic surgery? And then I had images of people with vision corrected eyes that, unfortunately, were no longer in the person's eye sockets. But, who knows, this place also has the experience of over 800,000 surgeries. (There is still the part of me that wears contacts thinking, eh, my eyeballs might not make it anyway, considering how often I sleep in my contacts; don't wanna be burning bridges.)

So, that train of thought led me to, "I got my eye on you, LasikPlus Vision Center!" (What kind of a name is LasikPlus? Don't surgeons usually name their practice after themselves, a saint, or a tree? What is the "plus" anyway? Hummel figurines? Elvis plates? The phone number, by the way, is something classy like "1-800-XXX-EYES." Swear to John's Father in Cincinnati.) And that reminded me that "John from Cincinnati" only made it through one season.

Maybe you never watched the show. That doesn't matter, because I watched every episode and it didn't matter, either. The show made as much sense as...well, about as much sense as the above line of reasoning. Maybe less. But it was still kind of great.

And it is no more. This makes me sad, because the show had lots of potential, sure, but mainly because there were so many one-liners that are now homeless.

"I got my eye on you!"

"There's some things I know, and some things I don't know."-------changed to "I don't know Butchie instead."

"Just took a dump a grown man would be proud of!"

"Look at the breasts on these women. This country is doomed."

I'm just saying, if I say, as I often do, "I don't know Butchie instead," people will look at me like I am a weirdo, as they often do, and if I say, by way of explanation, "You know, 'John from Cincinnati?'" they will not know. Maybe now, but not for much longer.

Bill, Vietnam Joe, Butchie, Palaka, Freddy, Ramon, Dickstein, John Monad, and the rest--well, mostly Bill and Co., but the rest too. Kai was cool. I didn't ever want to kill Shaunie. Linc.

Actually, everyone on the show was pretty cool, except Cass was boring, Mitch was annoying, and Cissy made my ears bleed.

Speaking off Cissy, and ads that transcend genres:

"Are you sitting in your kitchen on 7th street, thinking of blowing off your head with your gun you got back from Kai’s trailer? Have you completely run out of whatever let you put up with your asshole husband for 31 years…do you feel that everything you ever touched in your entire life, you turned to shit and mud?....Do you hurt so bad, you want it to just quit and be over? Everything? Well, let me tell you about our offer, Cissy. We prefer you don’t. We wish you wouldn’t. Our offer is: keep going, feeling just as miserable, or worse. Hold the gun under the spigot and turn the water on. Spare Shaun finding you dead in the kitchen. And as a bonus, you’ll also receive … his love. Act now, Cissy. Baptize that fucking pistol!"

Now, is that anti-suicide, or an ad for carpet cleaner?

Maybe the dude that wrote the LasikPlus ad was a fan of John, and was inspired by John's ability to turn an ad for carpet cleaner into something more meaningful. Maybe, in the spirit of John, we should let go off preconceptions about what things should be, and what things should sound like, and just let things be.

Maybe, or maybe me, the LasikPlus ad people, and most of John from Cincinnati, are full of shit. Or, maybe just LasikPlus. I'm putting my money on that one.

Trojan Should Support Greek (Vol.1)

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 06:33:00 +0000

...because, who doesn't appreciate clever advertising that relates ancient historical rivalry with safe sex? Seriously, that could really work, because then the audience would learn about different condom options AND legendary Hellenic battles. That would for sure qualify as an IntelligentBang (noun, referring to pop culture that doesn't use the lowest common denominator of intelligence to make an impact).

And it could further fuel the ridiculous battle between reality and the myth of "abstinence only" as a sure-fire way to eliminate STDs and teen pregnancy. Because, this show, "Greek," is on ABCFamily. And, people, who are on the show, have sex. Also; the people having sex are not all losing their virginity in a fit of angst and emo songs. They have sex the way normal people do in college, so sometimes its even wihout a soundtrack. Except Rusty. But he just got a girlfriend, so the show's only virgin is gonna start sooner than later--and its not unreasonable to expect that when he does lose it, some angst and emo songs will be involved. But its just the one, plus emo can be quite fitting for such occasions, according to my sources. So can Queen's "We are the Champions," but to each his own.

So I'm stoked that this show exists, pleasantly surprised about the relatively realistic, uncodemning depiction of college life (by which I mean, 7th Heaven this ain't) and I'm pretty sure that I haven't been drunk every time I've watched it, so I'm gonna stick to my current stance that the show is an IntelligentBang (a noun which sorta sounds like a drinking game now--apparently I'm thirsty). But man, I don't think ABCFamiliy (even though its cooler than I'd thought) and all the weird angry letter writing parents out there would quietly accept the support of a company that is directly related to SEX, even though thus far they've accepted: a nymphomaniac sort of campus slut, a Senator's daughter sort of evil girl who has sex with other people's boyfriends and DOESN'T FEEL BAD, a boyfriend having sex with not his girlfriend but also not a total schmuck that nice girls stay away from, a girl responding to boyfriend having sex with not her by being righteously angry and hurt and then smoothly coached into sleeping with another guy to make it even, a BOY having sex with a BOY, a super-awesome "My virginity is not a gift, its a burden, and I'm going to lose it tonight" speech delivered by the show's adorable moral compass character to a PURITY PLEDGE organization, an honest and interesting struggle for boyfriend and girlfriend to see each other sexually and have sex with each other after the cheating, a sex-tape on a cell phone with blackmail potential, nymphomaniac campus slut being pretty upbeat and bent on continuing said lifestyle including taking calls from her mother in the act, and, and some others, and like, a biblical sex joke, which went something like, "Yeah I know your sister...in the biblical sense." (Which I still think is funny as a line, and also the way the kid reacted was priceless...just reading it makes me giggle, but I think maybe you'd need to watch it...if you want, whatever, ABCFamily doesn't know who the hell I am. Yet. I just meant for the sake of the joke, anyway.) Now clearly, condoms would cross a line, right? I mean, condoms would make you think the sexual nature of the show is causing young people to have sex, and thats terrible, because they wouldn't even know what sex was unless they saw it on TV, and they wouldn't dare do it until they found out about the condom loophole, so young people are probably throwing their moral upbringings to the wind and having sex with abandon, thanks to Trojan and Greek. Or however the hell that logic works. So...that might be a better marketing scheme on a different network, one in which parents are not involved? Or I'm an idiot, who knows.

Anyway, "Greek," plain and simple, is awesome. The only way it could be more awesome would be the addition of more awesome, such as Paul Rudd, who could not be more awesome even if he fixed the air-conditioning in my apartment and explained "John from Cincinnati" to me. Wait. If he could explain "John from Cincinnati," I guess then his awesomeness would just surpass human understanding and approach godliness. Ah, Paul Rudd.

A StupidBang is Better than Hairspray

noreply@blogger.com (e) — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 19:28:00 +0000

Chick flicks don’t have to be lame...

Usually they are, and that makes me sad. Chicks are not lame, nor are flicks, so the typical lameness of chick flicks says a lot about society. Which you may discuss among yourselves. I just wanna say, between "The Bourne Ultimatum," "Transformers," "Becoming Jane," "No Reservations," and, I don’t know, "Hairspray," which would you wanna say defines you as a person?

Bourne: you are badass and attractive, and it doesn’t seem like you’re trying too hard. Overall, you are most successful when you trust your instincts, though you may want to work on your anger and revenge issues, and learn to limit your killing sprees. Still, your ability to be complex and yet also understood by everyone is really neat.

Transformers: you remind people of their childhood and seek to inspire confidence in those who may not have found their voice. Although you don’t always proceed logically and rely on trite or melodramatic expressions, you are exciting and visually stunning, and manage to convey a genuine sweetness. Plus, you totally saved the planet from evil alien robots.

Becoming Jane: seeking to ride on the successful coattails of others (Miss Potter, Finding Neverland, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, The Hours), you quickly fabricate your life story and exaggerate details with the assumption that those you interact with (girls) will blindly adore anything involving the words “true,” “love,” “Anne Hathaway,” and “Jane Austen,” and not notice facetiousness. By dismissing the truth, you deny others the chance to get to know a much more interesting and far more meaningful character. However, you do have lots of pretty dresses, your surroundings aren’t too shabby, and not everything you say is stupid.

No Reservations: you are predictable and easily forgotten, which is (kind of) surprising considering you contain some talent. Despite your good intentions and good looks, in your best moments all you can hope for is mildly amusing some people. In your worst moments, you reinforce negative stereotypes, waste other people’s money and time, and make people really hungry. However, a happy ending (but not that kind!) is inevitable, and you don’t cause people's eyes to bleed.

Hairspray: You cause people's eyes to bleed

I wouldn't hang out with most chick flicks (personified, like above...stay with me here) even if I was Oedipus Rex and like, already okay with eye-gouging, sex with creepy old women, the abadonment of hope, whatever. How are you gonna get me to pay $10 for that? If I wanna feel warm and fuzzy, I will read about celebrity babies or watch "The Fabulous Life of...." because, now that I think about it, isn't it wedding season? OH MY GOD I hope they do a fabulous weddings with Eva Longoria...she used to remind me of a well-groomed monkey, but I kinda like her since I found out she loves Forever 21 and sends thank you notes.

At any rate, girls can certainly like action flicks and guys can certainly like chick flicks, and, uhm, welcome to Political Correctness 101. That may or may not be a post for another day.

Without covering the entire history of like, film and gender studies, the reason I’m saying this is, I feel like I’m being anti-girl to diss movies that are, simultaneously, targeted for girls and clearly shitty. Like I’m offending my mom. Mostly because my mom really likes movies that have happy endings and a scene with girls singing in pajamas.

But I'm really not a bitch, I'm just a girl who loves the color pink, cute boys, puppies, babies, nice people, flowers, sunsets, love songs, Britney Spears...and also a girl who would rather watch something like "Evil Zombies That Eat Cute Boys, Puppies, Babies, and all Nice People in a World without the Color Pink while Britney Spears is Trapped in the Fifth Layer of Hell Where No Love Song can Reach Her!!!"" than watch most of the movies made for girls.

And I'm not the only person thinking this--these movies (chick flicks) aren’t drawing a lot of money and have really brief box office runs. Maybe because they alienate half the population (boys) and recycle plots, jokes, movie stars, and give the remaining half of the population little reason to see the movie when they could just watch "Friends" reruns and laugh way more. And while there are quite a few movies targeted towards boys with senseless plots and dialogue as natural as Diet Coke, these movies can still make money. Because girls AND guys will watch these, no matter how crappy, because things blow up and also, they are usually funnier. Not smarter, but probably funnier.

All I’m saying is, if they won’t make smarter, better chick flicks, they could maybe blow things up in them. Starting with "Hairspray." At the part when they first sing, probably.

TV Shows are like boyfriends

noreply@blogger.com (m) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 23:45:00 +0000

Right now, my DVR is the most predictable and boring part of my life. In this peaceful hiatus before the impending deluge of Season Premieres, my DVR box is home pretty much only to The Daily Show. However, as the B-list shows start seeping their way back into my TV box... (read: The Hills, which I was surprised yet stoked to find out I actually record. It might be a leftover from an old roommate, but you know what, I fully enjoy the way they convey drama on that show.

Heidi: "So, yeah, I'm moving in with my evil toothy boyfriend."

Lauren [always]: contemplative yet injured and perplexed stare. Don't use your words, LC. Words are overrated when you WORK AT A MAGAZINE AND ALSO STAR ON A TV SHOW. Gosh, I guess dialogue is just not your strong suit. Cut to LA montage.) ...I find myself in a familiar quandry.

Ok, so long aside, but...

those Laguna Beach shows and all of their spin-offs are just straight genius. But that brings me to a more unfortunate epiphany. I plan on keeping The Hills in my life, for reasons I may elaborate on at a later time. However, there is this other show that has Jim Gaffigan (whom I freaking love) on it, but really it does just truly suck and I think it's time for us to break up. With my finger on the Edit Recordings button, I realize that television has elevated itself to a place in our culture where we have full-blown relationships with TV shows. Even most of those annoying people who never shut up about how they never watch TV actually do watch TV and have these little affairs.

For me, it works like this: I get involved. It can happen any number of ways, like maybe my boyfriend is obsessed with it already (LOST). Or maybe I read the recaps on Television Without Pity for a year since I don't get HBO (Big Love). Or perhaps, the planets aligned for a moment of perfect kharma and I simply stumble upon it (Project Runway). It doesn't really matter how it happens at first, just like real people relationships. What matters is the ensuing courtship. I test them out for a week or maybe two. If they suck, I dump them (Top Design). If they have potential of being an Intelligent Bang, I get a bit more serious (Heroes). It's when they start to define me as a person, or at the very least become weekly rituals that I secretly sort of obsess about inside for a minute or two every couple of days (The O.C.) that I realize I am in a committed relationship. I am vulnerable. If the show is brilliantly acted and written apparently by geniuses but two seasons in it becomes predictable and redundant, I might actually be crushed by this turn of events. I will probably keep watching for at least the rest of the season if not longer in hope of a reformation, but every date we have will be anticipated with a mixture of dread and foolish hope.

How true this is to the patterns of my actual romantic endeavors. I am a monogamist at my core, too many good TV shows and I get overwhelmed and inexplicably guilty. I am loyal to a fault, if the truth be told, I will follow a show I love to the shark jump and further still to its watery grave, defending it all the way (The O.C. again, more on that later). I hate to select that "Stop Recording this show" option, but I hate it even more when they break up with me.

The Origin of Species

noreply@blogger.com (m) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 22:33:00 +0000

E and M here. We wanted to write a “starter post” if you will, to kick off our much anticipated (well, by us and a few of our awesomeness savvy friends) foray into to the land of Blog. We got here by way of the Intelligent Design vs. Big Bang discussion, during which we concluded that sometimes two things that seem like they can’t hang out together actually can and really, they should, for everyone’s sake. Things like Kurt Vonnegut and Project Runway. Or maybe Virginia Woolf and Sex in the City. It almost makes you nervous just to imagine, right? But really, we are all about the undeniable truth that pop is culture and intellectual snobbery or cool kids playing dumb is just so cliché...

Do you ever play that game where you say “This person is like if so-and-so and so-and-so had a baby?" We do, and our favorite one, for the record, is if Marcia Cross and Gwen Stefani had a baby it would be Holly from the Girls Next Door. See? Fun!

If “Intelligent Design” and “Big Bang” had a baby, that would be weird. It could be named Intelligent Bang, but probably have a lot of issues, mostly controversial.

So that awesome name goes to our baby instead, who is both popular and smart. She is also delightfully innocent and uncorrupted, with a hint of sexual innuendo. This love child of pop culture and intellectualism has been developing for a long time, but the parents couldn’t really meet in public and most people didn’t acknowledge the relationship. Like in that movie A Walk to Remember, only instead of the cool kid falling for the religious nerd and feeling embarassed about it, we are smart people who like to watch E! and read magazines, and we have a blog instead of cancer.

The whole concept that if more than 100 people like something it no longer has value is narrow minded and boring. We are about relevance, in all its forms. Intelligent Bang will be raised in an environment that allows someone to love East of Eden and The O.C. as both are brilliant in their own (entirely different) ways. Also, things being awesome are accepted whether they were intelligently designed to be so or if a big bang of inspiration allowed sort of coincidental awesomeness, like Harry Potter or um, chocolate chip cookies. It’s kind of a liberal household.

Congratulations pop culture and intellectualism! Your baby totally looks like both of you.