I haven’t followed E3 very much since about 2008. In fact, I haven’t been following much of the gaming industry at all since then. (Can i be blamed?)

So it’s been an ironic surprise that, in my lack of awareness that E3 was happening this morning, nothing much has changed in my absence. Seriously. Sony’s still improving what they do well, Microsoft is still going after a Wii-esque audience, and Nintendo has yet to learn the definition of ‘innovation.’

Nintendo – in its continued futile attempts to regain the respect of the most hardcore audience in gaming’s history – is actually harping on the same old tune from 2008: “we want our hardcores back!” Now it’s mixed with a little bit of “sorry about that (but not really),” bringing out a 2nd Wii console that adds YOU to the mix. More specifically, ‘U.’

The console might be ‘new,’ in a technical sense, but the message is still the same. Rather, the messages:

The philosophy of “Deeper and Wider Gaming” is Nintendo’s new foundation for the future. They hope to “serve every player” equally and expand its audience to “everybody.” The new “gaming companion” console looks set to change the dynamics of the videogames medium in many new ways.

Sounds awful familiar, don’t it? It do, it do. In fact, you could simply place the word “Wii” above that paragraph and an innocent bygamer would never guess that Nintendo is promising something new here. Let alone a next-step version of their flagship console.

The message is muddled in contrast to other Nintendo exec statements from years back. For example, this gem from Reggie in 2009:

…I think it’s a mistake to say that we’ve ignored the gamer or that we don’t have products for the core gamer. I mean, New Super Mario Bros. has every gamer excited. Just the little tidbits that we’ve shown about the new Zelda for Wii has gamers tremendously excited. We’re going to continue to bring great content both to that experienced player as well as the brand new player, and that’s what we do really well.

If you did it really well, Reggie, you’d probably not be crying over core gamers complaining about what you’re giving them. Just a thought.

In all honesty, I don’t see anything to be excited about in this year’s E3 promises on the Nintendo side. Not that i’m looking for them, but it has to be comically insulting to those gamers who follow them with bated breath and clenched buttcheeks. Maybe they still drink the Kool-aid, thus are unaffected.

But I can’t fathom myself paying for the same console twice, or its controller for that matter– which is basically a fat PS Vita in white. Another underpowered system with hair-brained gimmick peripherals which will never meet anything close to the full potential proposed. Nintendo has made an absolute killing on the myth of potential ever since the DS; that is the real message to be obtained here.

More and more Nintendo prove that handhelds are what they do best, while consoles no longer are. Hence, the home handheld! Genius, Nin. We’ll see how that mashup goes. Or doesn’t.

Let’s take the time machine back to 2008 to see how much hasn’t changed in Nintendo’s false marketing.

Scary, isn’t it?… Not nearly as much as a Cammie Dunaway smile.

from CrunchGear‘s Devin Coldewey:

“Fanboy distress is at the same time the expression of real distress and the protest against real distress. Fanboyism is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the internet.”

Yea, some.

Parts:

A) Stylus Antenna

B) DS Backrest TOUCH

C) Virtual Boy VR Goggles

D) Fluffy Green Turtle Shell 2p Plush Seat

E) Nunchuck Throttle Grip

F) Link’s Lantern Headlights

G) Mario Overalls Upholstered Denim 1p Crotch Cushion

H) Rear View Mirror Shield

I) NES Controller Nitrous Booster

J) Blooper Inky Oil Opponent Nullifier

K) NES Cartalytic Converter

L) Gamecube 2p “Oh Shit!” Handle Grip

M) WiiMote Revver Waggle Wand

N) Tokyo, Japan “It’s A Mii!” License Plate

O) Arwing Laser/Pikmin Death Motivator

P) Pikmin-Fueled Front Wheel Drive

Q) DK Barrel-Ass Back Wheel Base

R) Wii Fit Pedal To The Metal

S) Warp Pipe All Terrain Tire

T) Chain Chomp Power Train

U) Select/Start (Select OD Setting) & (Start Engine)

V) Miyamotorcycle Custom Decal

W) Princess Peach’s No Frills Frilly Dress Mud Flaps

X) A buttload of retro-stalgia

I picked this up a bit late (it’s hard catching up on neglected feeds), but i’ll run with it anyway.

In August, it was revealed that Nintendo no longer permitted Mr. Shiggs Miyamoto-san to offer details of his personal hobbies and habits to the press and public. It came as a result of Shiggs pastimes becoming Nintendo hits, most of which he openly discussed with the media prior to the respective games’ development (Pikmin, Wii Music, Nintendogs).

As you may or may not know, Shiggs is essentially a dutiful slave to Nintendo corporate, still living off a supervisor’s salary while Reggie and Iwata get loaded off his hit ideas. That explains this weird-but-understandable business decision, and also why the man is in his mid-50s and still has no retirement plans.

Wow, who’da thought. Then again, it’s more of a fanman story than the company itself, but let’s assess the situation.

If you follow Apple news, you’d know that next year’s Macworld Expo is surprisingly Apple’s last showing at the press gathering they’ve attended for 25 years running. Ironic to me since it’s the Macworld Expo, but hey, i’m not in the industry. The matter seems to be that many fans are upset (and quietly seething) about this, howling that Apple has turned their backs on the user/fanbase that has devoutly followed them to [wherever the expo is held] for 25 years. The decision seems to have been made on behalf of the fact that Apple is so goddamn huge now in the public consciousness that they can hold any event at anytime they damn well please.

With this move, Apple – a company which makes endearing products that attach to consumer’s hearts and minds like metroids, sucking out any surviving tolerance for Windows – has effectively farted on their fanpeople’s heads. A move that always sends the followers into a rage.

Game industry adherents know this as the Nintendo Syndrome. At this year’s E3, Nintendo produced a lowlight of a presentation with Shaun White’s Snowboarding and Wii Music as the cornerstones of their keynote. They were hot, selling consoles to men, women, and dogs alike, yet they decided, “fuck you guys, we’ll show you when we wanna,” and held off on making any significant reveals til later in the year, on their own clock. Of course, Nintendo was on the Path of Betrayal long before that, but the similarity here is uncanny.

To remind all the fanmen and fanwomen out there and paraphrase what Jim said: They’re a corporation, stupids.

Is that the PS Store?

Either that, or the MTA added hotspots to the subway. I’m doubting both.

Didn't know there was wifi on the subway...

But while the auto industry and electronics chains start to go belly-up, one industry chugs along full steam in spite of the economic woes— the video game industry.

Incredibly, despite all the other financial malady, video game sales are outpacing sales from the previous year in 2008. In other words, people are still buying games no matter how budget conscious they have become with their other expenditures. Personally, I haven’t been buying very many games lately, but that’s only because I have no job to afford them with. But I’ll blame the recession, why not.

Do you have a recession-proof ‘magic wallet’ for your gaming purchases? Is it too much of a sacrifice for you to make? Or have you had to reluctantly restrict your gaming obsession to pay your rent?

[Originally posted on Xanga.com]

DS not included

I haven’t been to the R*Zone in probably years, but me and the woman had business in Toys R Us (42nd) the other day and afterwards i just had to check in on that old poorly lit gaming dungeon.

Big mistake, too, cause this is what i find. Apart from the ubiquitous mess of people and boxes for this time of year, beside an unused register, stands this thing: A Super Mario DS holder. Dude stands there and, i swear to god, holds your DS.

I’m sorry, i’ve never understood the practicality or usefulness of [thing] holders. Like those table rests meant for resting a laptop upon. At this rate, you’ll never be able to pitch a new accessory or peripheral by saying “For the Fanman who has everything…” cause the bastard sure as hell does not have one of these yet.

While i get re-assimilated with WordPress, watch these videos and pretend this is still a blog.

Absolutely, positively, francophone-y bananas.

Watch this man play the SMB 2 song. He’s good. Just look at his facial expression.

Headed for the PSN next year.

Oh no!

The feds’ll getcha.

I mean, everybody’s been aching for Link to get all hood mature on Hyrule since Ocarina of Time, but this is kinda doing it wrong. At least come up with your own engine, Shiggs, damn… If you can’t beat em, steal em?

Temporarily taking your mind off the incredible dearth of posts on Intendo lately, i’m here to inform you that it was me and Friz’s birthday on the 5th and we’re still celebrating. Him with his new Bravia, me with some… inspiration. I’ll hopefully be back to normal when the annual bout of introspective depression and deep feelings of purposelessness subside. I know, happy times!

Watch this video of the song i wrote when i found out Frisby and i were born on the same day, and the good time we subsequently had dancing and taking chances at a private party.

An oldie but not moldy.

Don’t think i noticed this when it first happened, otherwise it would’ve been covered. Nintendo, exactly 1 year and 41 days ago, took their official Nsider message board out back and fire a sawed-off shotgun to its temple. The best part was that they didn’t tell a goddamn soul, leaving fankids everywhere roaming around like lost, headless sheep, beheaded by their shepherd. No warning, no reason, one rhyme, one treason. At first it seemed like they were being updated and only shut down temporarily, but no. They didn’t get a replacement message board, either. Nintendo flat out threw the fankids on the bed, pinned down their arms and legs, and let a big wet loud one rip on their face. Mmm, the best kind.

The explaining came afterwards:

Dear NSider Forum Fans:

Nintendo recently launched a brand new Nintendo.com to support the continued success of Nintendo DS and Wii. During that process, we closed the Nintendo NSider Forums message boards indefinitely.

Lots of people want to know if the NSider Forums are coming back. We had a lively community and we know many of you miss those old forums. At this time their future remains uncertain, and we continue to invite our fans to build on the spirit of community by starting their own Nintendo discussion sites.

Coinciding with this non-excuse, they launched the Nintendo Tech Support Forums, so you have somewhere to yell about how your hinge cracked. They also let the stray masses know that if they wanted a new place to convene, make it yer got-dang selfs.

People talk a lot about how Nintendo’s abandoned the hardcore N-fans, but these forum dwellers go above and beyond ‘hardcore’ and were probably better served this way. I was there once and they didn’t seem to exist anywhere else, internet or otherwise. I came across the Digg article for the news a few days ago and had a ball with the comments. Hit it up and watch as the Diggers give the ex-Nsiders noogies and wedgies all around.

My favorite:

REUYL
on 11/06/2007

I miss Power On already.

So where are us Nsiders supposed to go now?

floppypond
on 11/14/2007

Outside

And don’t miss this heartfelt cry from a former “Knights of Hyrule” mod from the boards, who appears to be Bill Nye the Science Guy’s son or something of the sort.

Were Disney and Nintendo to mash-up these two icons of iconography, would it help or hurt the current economic situation?

I’m sure you all have heard of the LittleBigPlanet controversy? Of course you have. One of the songs in it had lyrics from the Qu’ran distinctly audible during gameplay. Clearly, this was a problem. In a post-911 world, the PC-sensitivity meters hit DEFCON 5 and some muslim gamers took it upon themselves to sit around and decide whether or not to get offended. The majority ruled ‘yes’ and they shot a letter off to Sony and Media Molecule. The media attention came swiftly and deadly, and Sony acted just as fast.

What’s my favorite part of this whole thing? The letter, originally in arabic, was translated and sent to Sony via N-sider. Hmm… Fee fi fo fum, i smell the blood of a fanman’s agenda. Muslim gamers activate their spidey-sense about a couple of Islamic lines in a song featured included in probably the cutest game that’s ever been made, and N-sider, a long-time vault of Nintendo knowledge and history, helps them notify Sony of the muslims’ inconvenience. Would i be going out on a twig if i thought there was some intent to disrupt the launch of Nintendo’s wet dream on Sony’s console by the N-siders themselves?

If there was, they succeeded. The game was recalled, pushed back a week, and the song will be patched to hell and back and hell again when the game finally sees mass release. What’s the public reaction? Mixed, as ever. But the public reactions around the circles i tread, are full of mostly Americans, most of those white. Well, let’s do what you do best, people: blow shit outta proportion. Police ourselves to police the world. Then what happens? The only people whose opinions are actually relevant to the discussion pipe in – other Muslims.

And not just any old muslims, like the ones on True Gaming who initially “asked friends online and offline” whether they felt like making this a big deal. Muslims who should actually be listened to. Like this Islamic organization. Hey, i never heard of them either, but i’ll take their word over some gamer nobodies on a dot.net and largely detached whites on American blogs. Pretty much anyone having to do with gaming is unauthorized to comment, cause they’ll either be hyper-sensitive to the issue, or cry out with some games-as-art diatribe. Admittedly, the second option there is sorta close to what the American Islamic Forum For Democracy is saying:

“Muslims cannot benefit from freedom of expression and religion and then turn around and ask that anytime their sensibilities are offended that the freedom of others be restricted.”

Yes indeedy. But we’re just squirrels in a PC world, trying to get a nut. This stuff does happen all the time. However, this gets curiouser when you figure in that Toumani Diabate also says this is quite silly. Who dat? The guy who wrote Tapha Niang. What that is? The song in question. He says, “It’s quite normal to play music and be inspired by the words of the Prophet Mohammed. It’s my way to attract and inspire people towards Islam.” Makes sense, don’t it? Unlike some of the grammar in this paragraph.

See folks, this is what happens when you use a fansite to help you inconvenience a game company of a different persuasion. And, also, when you jump the gun. Why would anyone wanna jump a gun, anyway? Damn fansites. Terrorist, fascist, communist, wife-beating fansites. Behead the lot of them!

[Yes, i’m aware that the Nsider mentioned in the initial Kotaku article isn’t N-sider.com, simply a forum member of the complaining site, but goddamnit i just learned that crucial piece of info before writing this and went with it anyway. Hard to find material for editorials these days. :0 ]

Because all things that only appeal to nostalgia anymore must be remade unofficially, this exists. Download before Nintendo acts, and forgive these guys for having a Blogger blog.

PC only, though, Mac buddies.

Here here on that Wii part!