Internet Boyfriends

68 Worst Bottle Episode Ever

admin — Sat, 11 Sep 2021 01:07:17 +0000

In this episode, the boys return after a long absence to tell you that they love you and that you are good enough the way you are.

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67 Hitler Was the Worst American President

admin — Fri, 14 Oct 2016 14:36:18 +0000

In this episode, the boys have an argument about recent history, not-so-recent history and why it might not be a good idea to stand around while someone is trying to fire a pistol at you.

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66 Abandon Your Basement Reality

admin — Thu, 01 Sep 2016 20:09:44 +0000

In this episode, the boys talk about virtual reality games, Pokémon Go, vaping memelords, dodging ads and why sincerity makes Ryan deeply uncomfortable.

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65 One Comment Changes Nothing

admin — Mon, 11 Jul 2016 16:19:39 +0000

In this episode, the boys talk about octogenarian figurine experts, being whimsical in the woods, Superman’s Dad, boring as fuck white dudes, the good ol’ capitalism and fandom entitlement.

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64 Your Personal Apocalypse

admin — Fri, 10 Jun 2016 21:25:46 +0000

In this episode, the boys talk about American politics, what we think about when we think about the future and an impending apocalypse that may or may not be a thing.

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63 Secret Skynet

admin — Wed, 11 May 2016 18:30:54 +0000

In this episode, the boys talk about the first season of Mr. Robot, Miitomo and what makes a millennial. Spoilers start around 29 minutes in.

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62 Taste the Chicken

admin — Tue, 29 Mar 2016 15:12:19 +0000

In this episode, the boys talk about mindfulness, meditation, the apps trying to sell you on it and rumination. Oh, and chicken. They also talk about chicken.

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61 Tenish Years Later

admin — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 08:13:23 +0000

In this episode, the boys have a stilted conversation about the past, depression and getting the cake out of life.

Trigger Warning: Depression, Self-Harm, References to Suicide

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60 Wizards Versus Fascists

admin — Fri, 15 Jan 2016 18:05:14 +0000

In this episode, the boys review and discuss the new Star Wars movie, because that seems like a thing to do. Spoilers start after 4:00. Joey’s ranting about Nazis ends at 14:20.

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59 Wedding Weekend

admin — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 19:38:25 +0000

In this episode, the boys toss all notes and time limit aside to talk about the matrimonial extravaganza that was Ryan and Michelle’s wedding.

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58 Mall Walker By Day, Writer By Night

admin — Sun, 18 Oct 2015 20:43:35 +0000

Instigating versus antagonizing. That one regret we all have. Rationalizing a mindwipe. Econs. How to alienate everyone we know under the age of 18. Being a barren wasteland with nothing to offer. Motherfucking Jackie Gleason. The Streisand effect and the small mall that has two pretzel stands that may or may not be staffed by a skeleton crew. Cultural literacy. Inherent problems in determining the President of the Jews. Straddling the Millennial line. Ryan’s journey to the Planet of the Apes. And other award-winning courtroom adjacent dramas. The future people that are already judging you for liking Friends. Figuring out shit to talk about.

In this episode, the boys fail to design the optimal social experience.

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57 Prime Spider Real Estate

admin — Wed, 07 Oct 2015 15:57:16 +0000

Looking back on previous episodes. Getting dumped. Spitting after getting hit by an emotional avalanche. The merits of tweeting your feelings. That moment when you get confused for someone’s husband. Codependency. Viral emotions. Living with your pocket computer that can’t process feelings. Why you should keep doing what you’re doing. Feeling bad about feeling bad. First world problems. And becoming the kind of person that can deal with how terrible you are to yourself.

In this episode, the boys discuss the results of Joey’s emotional social media adventure.

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56 The First Thing to Go is Trains

admin — Tue, 08 Sep 2015 04:17:00 +0000

Bullshit prognosticating. How to get the best front row seat for the apocalypse. The pre-Singularity. Robocop. Self-driving cars. Robot trolley car death in the future. Talking shit about capitalism, and other things that will eventually get Joey deported. Minimum wage, Mad Max style. Fast food free of judgment. Being technically correct is still the best kind of correct. Captain America. A short apology to Ryan’s sister. Becoming the intellectual Highlander.

In this episode, the boys make predictions about the future in order to promote an episode of Pub Chat.

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55 Right Kind of Ham

admin — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 07:49:07 +0000

The boys get meta by talking about that time they talked about talking about emotions on social media.

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54 Looking For a Towel

admin — Sun, 28 Jun 2015 23:15:03 +0000

Internet girls that like the same things you do. Where you go after Douglas Adams and The Simpsons. Swords, dragons and gods. A strong distaste for high fantasy garbage. How fiction gives us a better understanding of reality. Losing your favorite author and personal guru. The eleven lives you live. All the books you love that you’ve yet to read.

In this episode, the boys talk about Terry Pratchett, as a very drunk Ryan tells Joey what to read next.

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53 Managing Your Larger Automaton

admin — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 03:57:07 +0000

Mad Max. Pineapple pizza. Early exposure to computer machines. Keeping your favorites to yourself for the safety of us all. Eating handfuls of dirt. When everyone learned to kick it up a notch. The good ham. Breaking out of a food comfort zone. And a word worse than foodie.

In this episode, the boys talk about Internet arguments about food and why a food adventure is the best adventure.

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52 Space Battles and Missed Connections

admin — Fri, 22 May 2015 02:59:17 +0000

Crying at trailers. Accepting and embracing closure. Wanting to share yourself but only tweeting a joke. The boys talk about nerd culture and how one button has come to mean everything from “this is neat” to “holy Jesus!”

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51 A Whole ‘Nother Conversation

admin — Wed, 13 May 2015 07:30:48 +0000

The boys are back to ignoring Joey’s notes and instead talking about teenagers, gore and t-shirts.

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50 The Qest of As

admin — Mon, 04 May 2015 05:59:36 +0000

An extra long, extra special episode of Internet Boyfriends. Questions! Answers! Colin!

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49 I Hope It Helps

admin — Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:44:09 +0000

A long, rambling intro. Profile pics of dicks that look like chicken parts. Avoiding a prostate exam. Hating on Ayn Rand. It’s the Frankenshow, a clip show made entirely of two discarded episodes from the distant past.

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48 Best of 2014

admin — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 19:33:15 +0000

Music. Books. Movies. Television. A lot of unedited yelling.

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47 Radial Menu Says Relax

admin — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 19:06:27 +0000

Screamer videos. Night spiders. The social media horrorshow. A better option for a better tomorrow.

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46 Godin Bomb

admin — Thu, 25 Dec 2014 16:47:52 +0000

Tribes. Social media marketing. Millennials. The big red button.

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45 There Is No Data, Only Zuul

admin — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 22:54:06 +0000

Trent Reznor. Big Data. Internet Dating. That moment when you untag yourself in an image to protect the dignity of your digital avatar.

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44 Not About Marvin

admin — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 15:27:13 +0000

The boys talk about THE MARTIAN. Seriously, it’s a pretty straightforward episode for once.

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43 Costco Hot Dogs

admin — Mon, 06 Oct 2014 16:27:16 +0000

Joey feels like he’s becoming too disconnected from the world, so the boys talk about the architects of fear, Robot and Frank, ghosts, incurable amnesia, Alzheimer’s disease, Twitter breakdowns, lying politicians and armpit-licking park-shitters.

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42 Stripped, Again

admin — Wed, 06 Aug 2014 18:04:06 +0000

This time around, the boys actually get to talk about Stripped for half the episode before discussing celebrity, reality TV and flirting on Twitter.

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41 Wattersonesque

admin — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 03:52:23 +0000

The boys try to talk about two comic strip documentaries, but instead spend the bulk of an episode talking about neoteny, pop culture references, animated pictures and one of Joey’s biggest fears.

0:00 – Scooters

2:05 – You know Joey Bags too?

3:22 – Two documentaries, only one we really care to remember

11:24 – Your own personal Hobbes (Reach out and touch faith)

13:37 – And then Joey decides he doesn’t want to stick to a topic ever again

14:37 – Ryan’s getting too old for this shit

17:09 – Modern society is a prolonged assault on the senses

20:02 – Barely an adult, but with one foot in the grave

24:09 – The Mason-Simpson Line

26:18 – The Internet was not created to be megaphone for our emotions

28:27 – An inevitable horrible accident, or that unlucky bonk on the head

32:49 – This weasel makes me wiggle

33:55 – Can you rebuild who you once were with nothing but social media?

37:54 – These are some of Joey’s favorite things

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40 One of Those Muppets That Sits in the Box Seats

admin — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 17:36:16 +0000

This time around, the boys are joined by everyone’s favorite resident science consultant, Lauren. It’s an extended episode featuring extreme birding in Ecuador, flying drunk, culture shock, parasites, dating and typical banter punctuated with the occasional momentary existential crisis.

2:48 – Who is Lauren?

4:11 – A joke about Ecuador referencing Toto’s Africa

9:12 – Dressing like a cartoon character with severe OCD

12:37 – “Birding is not for the faint of heart”

17:12 – Culture shock strikes again!

23:25 – Like Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, but in first class

32:09 – And that’s why you fly drunk, with a posse

35:09 – Bring on the noise, bring on the Americans

40:43 – I love the smell of commerce in the morning!

42:52 – The Great Lauren War

49:54 – Dispatches from Real America

56:30 – If it’s on the Internet, you should have heard about it by now

1:03:09 – Beware, assholes are everywhere

1:08:18 – The Death of Calm

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39 Kickstarting Strangebeard

admin — Thu, 22 May 2014 16:30:04 +0000

Special guest Kelly Tindall joins the boys to talk about his Kickstarter project, Strangebeard.

0:56 – What is Strangebeard?

1:46 – Explaining the magic and mystery that is Kelly Tindall

4:27 – There’s more to life than being a princess

6:01 – Much love for Aardman, that one guy in the background with the bongos

7:06 – When everyone discovered we needed an all-ages werewolf sex scene

9:42 – How not to run a Kickstarter campaign

14:37 – Have you heard about Sexcastle?

15:50 – Start on a Monday, end on Comic Book Day

17:09 – A reasonable guy with very few enemies walks into a room looking for love

19:36 – Bringing up the book that shall not be named

20:36 – Lessons from the world of children’s entertainment

23:01 – “99% is zero.”

25:31 – Good work first, Twitter fights never

29:20 – Talking shit will always be easier than doing shit

33:26 – From Azeroth to accomplishment

34:48 – To crush your self-esteem and to hear the lamentations of the women

36:15 – If you work in comics, learn how to live with Twitter

38:46 – What happens when it actually happens

41:12 – If you want diversity in comics, look to the web

43:37 – Media studies 101, or why we’ll never run out of white guys with chiseled jaws

46:03 – Kelly calls for fewer rapping grandmas

47:33 – And Joey seizes his chance to talk about Dan Harmon

48:14 – The rules in question, if you can ignore Joey’s need to point out that he’s been a Dan Harmon fan since way before you

49:16 – How not to be an insane person

51:30 – First you get the family. Then you get the X-Men. Then you get the power.

53:32 – “Being busy isn’t the same thing as being productive”

55:36 – Final announcements about the Strangebeard Kickstarter

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38 Subconscious Snooze Button

admin — Fri, 16 May 2014 21:41:24 +0000

Joey would rather read pop psychology books than deal with his problems, so this time around, he’s decided to use some of his newly acquired knowledge to ruin Ryan’s day.

0:44 – Fucking up Ryan’s day, while at the same time doing nothing to reduce anxiety

2:47 – Knowing how to properly explain misery

4:35 – The Wayne Gretzky of Freaking Out

6:33 – The whole point of educating yourself is to better attack others

7:12 – Why Ryan procrastinates

10:52 – Growth mindset vs. fixed mindset

11:44 – High-minded hobo murder

13:55 – What it looks like inside your comfort zone

15:56 – If you want it, you have to do the work

17:40 – Don’t follow your passion

19:29 – College and university really are two different things

24:25 – Procrastination is its own reward

27:11 – Excuses, excuses

29:50 – Childhood psychology

32:37 – Don’t be smart; be good at failing

34:05 – We have no idea why anyone respects us, do we?

37:30 – Praise for the Great God Om!

38:10 – The tweet in question

39:00 – No, I’m not posting a link to the dog food video

42:26 – PSA: Joey quit drinking and doing drugs a while ago, so these are all completely sober thoughts

44:15 – The Now Habit, right now

46:20 – A plank of wood balanced between two skyscrapers

49:02 – Most content or greatest content

51:48 – Another in a series of down endings

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37 Lucky Jim

admin — Wed, 07 May 2014 16:40:03 +0000

In this episode, the boys look back on the life of Jim Henson, thanks to the awesome biography by Brian Jay Jones.

1:26 – We love Jim Henson: The Biography by Brian Jay Jones

3:29 – How we got into The Muppets

6:21 – A rock & roll cassette tape tangent

7:42 – Young Jim and family

9:44 – The magic of the Muppets

12:40 – Life on the street is so much better when it’s Sesame Street

15:04 – The best kinds of inspiration comes from Italian sexploitation movies

16:10 – Building a world, changing the world

18:31 – Countless Kermits

19:55 – There’s more to the Muppets than a funny gag or a favorite bit

21:54 – A man with drive, vision and a car that looked like Kermit

25:55 – DANGER! DANGER!

27:07 – The most offensive things anyone can say about Jim Henson

28:47 – Hooked on a (cinematic) feeling

30:41 – On second thought, this is absolutely the most offensive thing anyone could say about Jim Henson

36:36 – Do kids still like the original Muppet movies? If not, the Third Reich will reign for a thousand years.

39:19 – A final letter and final thoughts

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36 The Best of the Rest

admin — Mon, 14 Apr 2014 23:47:22 +0000

Last time on IBfs, Ryan and Joey talked about the best TV in 2013. This time around, the boys discuss what they loved in every other medium in 2013.

1:08 – Joey discovered YouTube

2:47 – Bravest Warriors

3:31 – Idea Channel, or Ryan yells at the Cloud

5:35 – You’re failing us all, Hollywood

7:22 – Ryan loves robots and romance

8:25 – Gravity

11:00 – It’s hard to talk about movies without spoiling stuff, unless you want to say “awesome” and “amazing” a lot

14:48 – The moment Ryan gets too fast, somewhat furious

16:24 – This is confusing

18:00 – Joey refuses to talk about games, so we talk about games

19:56 – Battling Boy and more rapid-fire love for comics

27:01 – Things That Make Joey Cry: Sweet Tooth, the Miami Dolphins, MIND MGMT

31:12 – A bunch of back and forth about Mara

34:44 – Chew, or the problem with being consistently great

38:28 – Next time, Jim Henson

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35 Thank You, Mr. Farnsworth

admin — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 03:54:44 +0000

The boys talk about all the television they watched in 2013. Ryan defends Orange is the New Black. Joey rambles on about Justified. Everyone loves Breaking Bad. And Rick and Morty for a thousand years.

1:10 – Mexicans watch Breaking Bad on DVD anyway

3:20 – Good, but not great: the year of the fourth season

8:50 – The future of TV is aggressively okay programming

9:12 – Orange is the New Black

18:50 – Things That Make Ryan Cry: Bob Dylan, the Miami Dolphins, Doctor Who

20:45 – Joey isn’t much for Internet darlings, but he loves Jim Beaver

21:38 – Justified is the best show for bros

25:10 – Not your average butt monkey

27:05 – Breaking Bad is for lovers

29:00 – Kevin Spacey eating Stella D’Oro breakfast treats

31:40 – Everything is pretty until you’ve seen True Detective

33:49 – The sort of show you’d make if you couldn’t use a croissant as a dildo

36:09 – RICK AND MORTY A THOUSAND TIMES RICK AND MORTY FOREVER AND EVER RICK AND MORTY 100 TIMES RICK AND MORTY FOR A HUNDRED YEARS WWW DOT RICK AND MORTY DOT COM A HUNDRED TIMES

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34 The Definition of Manliness

admin — Thu, 06 Mar 2014 06:08:12 +0000

This time around, the boys talk about all things manly, including female role models.

0:31 – The time Ryan forgot about Oscar

1:46 – Talking ’bout Brené Brown

3:40 – Die Hard is not the best Christmas movie

6:15 – The Internet can’t control me

8:06 – What Americans want out of their men

10:13 – It’s scientifically proven that Americans don’t want us

14:14 – Society: just a team of people

16:03 – To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the empowerment of the women

18:06 – That Bill Burr voice in the back of your head

19:07 – The exact moment at which Joey realized Ryan wasn’t raised by bigots

21:27 – Joey prefers kissing to panic attacks

24:16 – A constant cycle of dickishness fueled by an abundance of shame and idiocy

29:16 – Gay and proud… just don’t laugh at me

32:06 – Ryan’s mom: a better female role model than Jennifer Lawrence

33:47 – Chris Hadfield and a certain kind of woman

36:38 – Be interesting or fuck off, sort of

41:00 – This is not one of those episodes that ends well

43:24 – Obviously, Joey does not value the primacy of editing

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