Becky: Lasy? Did you hit your head?

Sarai: No, I just took a leaf out of Anna’s vocabulary book.

Becky: Well I was gonna say that if you’re switching British spelling (replacing “Z” with “S”) that you don’t have to do it for all words.

Sarai: Speak for yourself.

Becky: What’s that supposed to mean?

Sarai: I’m saying that I’ll use an S when I wanna use an S is all.

Becky: And I’m saying that it’s wrong you dumbass!

Sarai: Ex: Mosilla Firefox. It sounds just as good.

Before I can lulz at that blog can I just ask what the hell is going on with this trailer home? Why is it hovering in mid-air? Unless that’s snow on the ground?

Becky: Maybe she’s done got caught up in one of them thar twisters?

Sarai: Well if that’s the case, is that doodle on the right trying to hunker it back down? I see that Ashley Tisdale is holding a cellphone — maybe she’s calling for help?

Becky: I’m not really all that familiar with Ashley Tisdale (and I’m sure that if I were I wouldn’t admit it publicly), but is she smart enough to know the number for 911?

Sarai: No offense, but I think that dog is smarter than her. Look at it — I can just hear its thoughts: “Why did I agree to go rollerblading? Why?”

Speaking of rollerblading… who skates in the snow?

Becky: Or in the middle of a twister.

I have a bone to pick: WHY IN THE HELL IS THE IMAGE A LINK!? I keep clicking on it and it sends me back to the same page in a new tab.

Sarai: Me. Too. Maybe it’s trying to send us a message? Something like, You’ll Forever Be Stuck In This Vortex Of Lulz.

Becky: OH GOD. I just looked at the stylesheet, I think I’m going to pass out? She included back and forward links in the stylesheet.

Sarai: I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the title seems to have been sucked by the content. I don’t think I can stomach some code right now.

See the thing that gets me is that this isn’t her first site. She’s had about 6, actually. Granted they were all in Piczo, but the point is she’s dealt with layouts and coding before.

Becky: Oh but she’s probably just trying to have some fun and here we are ruining it for her. We’re assholes. Let’s continue?

Sarai: I just want to know why the Info link opens up in a pop-up and the other subpages don’t. What a mindfuck.

Becky: I’d say she’s using Pixelfx, but even Emily is smarter than this (and that’s not saying much).

Originality? She’s “unique”.

Sarai: She probably wants to give us a new experience. I respect that.

Welcome to Visitor Content :D All of the Layouts, Icons, brushes etc. is made by me, so give me credit!
Please tell me what you think of the stuff here, and please tell me if you miss something!

Well will you look at that. She has a lost and found system just in case I miss something.

Becky: “All of the Layouts, Icons, brushes etc. is made by me…” English motherfucker do you speak it? Why are layouts and icons capitalized but brushes isn’t? And where is the comma after brushes? Don’t even get me started on the use of “is” instead of “are”.

Sarai: Relax, grammar nazi. We’ve already discussed this! She wants to be original, and to do that, she has to stick out from all the rest. I think she’s creeping up that Success-o-Meter pretty damn fast.

Becky: It’s only a matter of time before she takes over the #1 spot on the web’s most popular sites. I think that we should try to be more original here, don’t you?

Sarai: I’m thinking our reviews should all open up in different-sized pop-up windows. Give it a lil’ twist. Oh dear. On her credits page she actually credited Google.

Becky: Who the fuck is actually stupid enough to credit Google? I mean aside from her and Jordie.

Sarai: I wonder if for this particular layout she used Google to look up “Levitating Motor Homes”?

Becky: Yeah I’m sure that didn’t turn up many results, levitating is such a big word. Floating? Flying? That’s better.

Sarai: I’d test it out, but then I’d have to credit Google and I’m too lasy.

Oh look, a guestbook! Damn, I feel like I’ve gone back in time. I sure wish I could read those messages.

Becky: Well you could not credit Google? What’s the worst that could happen? If the come a’knockin’ then just say you used Yahoo search.

Sarai: Too bad the width is set at 8 pixels.

Becky: Wow one word per line. This is a new low for us I think.

Sarai: New experience*! She has an Ask Me subpage(?) on her Visitor section. I think you told me about this.

Becky: Yeah I did. She’s using Waks and has a question there asking if she’s ever been hacked. She replied that she had and that she needed to install something more secure but just didn’t have the time. How lasy do you have to be to not be able to delete a script from your FTP and install a more secure one? That’s like five minutes total wtf.

Sarai:

Q. Have you been hacked?
A. Yes, I have. I need to get rid of Wak’s A&A script because it is so unsafe. You hacked into it in about 30 seconds.

Is she… having a conversation with her hacker?

Becky: Oh probably, she’s dumb enough. Oops, sorry I mean original enough. That’s something that really bothers me, originality seems to be replacing stupidity these days. They don’t need a DOCTYPE! They’re original. Is that an insecure script I see? Why that’s more originality.

Sarai: Ooo icons! I love making icons, it’s so relax— wait, what the hell:

All of these are made by me, you can put them on your site, but you have to give me me credits cause I haven’t wrote my sitename on them!
Thanks <3

She hasn’t wroten her site on them so we must not be lasy and credit!

Becky: Isn’t she a sweetheart! How many people would be that nice?

Sarai: I would! In fact, I might just use a layout of hers because lasiness is a diseese an we owe our visiturs a new layout. And I would credit since her site name isn’t wrote on there.

Becky: Can we use the Lindsay Lohan layout? Can we? CAN WE PLEASE?

Sarai: Well I don’t know Rebecca, maybe we should poll our visitors!

You know what else I noticed? Besides the fact that a doodle brush is anally raping Ashley Tisdale while she innocently sits on a porch? I’m thinking that white background is supposed to be transparent! Or at least erased. Which confuses me because she’s offering PSD’s… so she knows how to cut things out. Maybe it was that darn lasiness again.

Becky: Or we could be really original and stop giving a shit about whether or not our visitors can read our text and browse our site in anything other than IE 5?

Sarai: Whatever you want to do! I’m always up for giving visitors a new experience. Preferably one they’ll remember for the rest of their e-lives.

If you read this, please leave a message, so I know that someone actually do care if i just leave it like this. :P
Gotta go, bye!

I almost left a message. Almost. But then I accidentally um, exed out.

Becky: You are a horrible person. All she as for was for someone to care (the sentence could’ve used some grammar, but let’s not quibble), was that really so hard?

Sarai: Clearly she doesn’t care enough to explain why a motor home is being towed away in mid-air while Ashley hangs out on the porch, so why should I care about her feelings, huh?

Becky: You know what? I’m reading everything she’s written in this retards voice and that’s not cool man. Kaikhaod is the only person who I would headbutt in the middle of a crowded street because that’s how much I can’t stand her.

Sarai: WHY SHOULD I.

Becky: Because it’s original?

Sarai: You won’t bully me into this one Becky I won’t let you!

Becky: Like hell I won’t * puts you into a headlock * SAY UNCLE. SAY IT.

Sarai: NOT UNTIL THAT MOTOR HOME FINDS A SAFE PLACE TO RESIDE. Whatever, fuck this, I’m off to read some CSS tutorials.

Becky: Don’t you mean butcher some code by inserting HTML and JavaScript? Can I come with?

Sarai: Sure, I’ll save you a spot on my vespa.

Becky: Whee, can I drive?

Sarai: I don’t think so.

Sarai: I was very impressed with this article. It was well written, well thought out, and it brought up some really great points. It’s a bit lengthy, but I figured we can discuss it and dumb it down a little, see what other people think.

Becky:

I read a recently published article where the author took issue with someone’s criticism of a few websites, saying that it was unfair to judge the quality of the design because the critic didn’t know what constraints or pressures the designer was under. In other words, the author believed that excuses, which had nothing to do with the quality of the result, somehow mattered and mitigated what was otherwise a poor design. Excrement.

I immediately thought of Is It Fair To Criticize Bad Design? by Christian Watson when I read that.

However, I’m generally wary about writing posts that are critical of other web sites because I know how difficult it is to develop a web site in a corporate environment — there are simply too many cooks in the kitchen.

I’m not saying that Mr. Rutledge is referring to that article, though I suspect he is, it’s just what popped into mind when I read that paragraph. And what Mr. Rutledge had to say is true: Intent doesn’t make a whit of difference when someone is judging a website. Neither does time, for that matter.

Here at Internet Police we hear our fair share of “I spent hours on that design!” It’s not an argument easily won because to the designer time does matter. After all they’re the ones who used their time to make the layout. To say that the design is flawed is to say that it was not worth their time to make and they, of course, take this as an insult. The most important part of the design process is separating yourself from your layout and realising that an “attack” on the design isn’t really an attack on you.

One lesson to take away here is that design criticism is about THE DESIGN. It’s not about the designer or the agency or the company who owns the site. Design criticism is about the results. Period. Too many people mistake criticism of the result with criticism of the people involved.
[…]
I’ve got news for you: design criticism has nothing to do with you, you childish egotist. It’s about the design. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Sarai: 92% of the webdesigners in the web today, anyone? How many times have owners whined and complained about how someone was mean to them just because of a comment made on their layout? Or how “disrespectful” it was for them to even say such a thing? When you tell someone their layout needs work, all of a sudden the owner feels attacked, becomes defensive, and before you know it the drama llama has arrived for some lulz.

Becky: If more people realised that an attack on their website isn’t necessarily an attack on them we’d probably be out of business.

Sarai: Oh totally. We wouldn’t have anyone to talk about.

Becky: I find the most sensitive topics are font size and colour schemes. What people don’t seem to realise is that there isn’t a lot of wiggle room available for personal taste and experimentation within the basic rules of design. Such as having a legible font size and not using light grey text on a white backgorund.

Sarai: I agree, some things are just fixed when it comes to design. You never use illegible text (for obvious reasons), you make sure your color scheme is easy on the eyes, use contrast, etc. Some things are not up for debate.

Design criticism is a helpful lesson; nothing less. When your own ego distorts facts so that you begin to take design criticism personally and you begin to see design criticism as negative, this is a personal flaw that you possess and has nothing to do with reality. In short, your personal problems are no concern of others, especially those working to help you. So do the world a favor and don’t put forth ideas that suggest that your own self-pity somehow matters in qualitative evaluation …or anything else, for that matter.

I like how he ties in design with real life. If you can’t take criticism for a layout, and act so irrationally when someone gives you advice, god help you when you step out into the real world. Especially if your career choice has anything to do with graphic design, as the author explains.

Becky:

Professional design is big boy and big girl stuff. There’s no room for childish notions or irrelevant sensitivities in professional ranks. Criticism and critical evaluation are what teach us and allow us to do our jobs well. But in order for you to properly evaluate design and design criticism, you must work to ensure that you possess sufficient understanding of your craft and that you do not hold with relativism or other childish notions.

Replace “professional” with “e-popularz” and “jobs” with “hobbies” and it fits our little community. You can’t possibly expect people to praise you for your wonderful design based solely on the amount of time spent creating it. That’s no way to judge anything. You have to accept that there are rules that you have to follow and not following those rules, such as legible font sizes, for example, will earn you some much needed criticism.

Sarai: And hopefully more people will put down their ego and accept said criticism and curb their tantrums. There are certain rules in design, for a reason, and the earlier you learn these designs the better.

I know some say it all depends on the type of criticism you give someone. Being rude and disrespectful is not the way to go, and I agree. However, most webmasters don’t care whether the criticism is rude or kind — they’re still defensive, they still see it as a personal attack on themselves, and they still lash out. It’s a lose-lose. That’s not an excuse, it’s just the truth.

Becky: I really hope that just a few of them don’t learn anything from this. That way we can keep IP alive.

Sarai: Well we don’t only discuss people who have bad design. Otherwise we’d post every day. Most of our posts have to do with webmaster’s attitudes and personal (ridiculous) opinions. When it comes to a message board or something like that, where someone asks for an opinion on their design, I won’t reply with a joke or bring up their lulzy thoughts on a particular subject. So I don’t see it as the same.

Becky: Yes, but a ridiculous attitude towards design goes hand-in-hand with a ridiculous attitude towards pretty much everything. You don’t usually see someone who takes criticism towards their layout personally making rational designs regarding anything else. And that is what keeps us going.

Sarai: Well, that’s true.

Becky: So to finish it off, just take a page from our book. Approach criticism as though you aren’t the one being criticized, especially when you aren’t and your design is. Keeping a level head and an open mind is critical if you want to come across as a mature individual worthy of praise.

Sarai: That’s a good way to sum things up. Try to take criticism in stride, put down that ego, and just strive to get better. Otherwise don’t expect to be taken seriously.

Sarai: Plus, How To articles are all the rage on the interwebs, so we figured, what’s one more?

Becky: We’ll also help you organize your life and get you that dream job working on the Love Boat.

Sarai: This is pretty refreshing, since it’s been all quiet on the e-drama front. And okay we’re super lazy and have been occupied with other things. This all started when Becky discovered a drama “blog” started up by Some Dude on the internet.

Becky: Some Dude and his friend (we’re not sure at this point if his friend is real or not) decided to write an IP-style unreview and failed miserably at it. His (their?) first mistake was using different coloured text depending on who was talking. If you read the entire thing you eventually figure out that Some Dude is in black text and his imaginary friend is in blue text. If you’re a pussy and don’t want to use your real names then make something up, go wild!

Sarai: Get creative! Ren and Stimpy, Ariel and Flounder, Batman and Robin — strive to stand out! The goal is to make it easy for your readers to distinguish who sounds the most ridiculous and/or psychotic.

Becky: Imagine a conversation about your latest post between two fans:

“Blue Text really had a good point in that last post.”
“Yeah, but Black Text totally stole the show when he posted that picture he found.”

Do you really like being referred to as blue/black text?

Sarai: No, not really. I like my name.

Becky: So do I, I even like our alter-egos: Shanaynay and Shanicka.

Sarai: Yeah or even “That Bitch” and “Grandma”.

Becky: I assume you’re Grandma and I’m That Bitch. This one is important, never understimate the importantness of this: get your facts straight. There is no excuse for making things up because you have nothing to talk about. Basically if you’re going to rag on people for something, try to make sure they actually did it so you don’t look like a bigger douche than you actually are. Don’t say that your unreviewees believed that Rhiannon of PSGR posed as someone else on Snark instead of defending herself, or that I have a heavy Photoshopped picture (in which I am wearing at least 14 layers of makeup) where my eyebrow goes over my bangs.

Sarai: Yeah I don’t remember us claiming that Rhiannon did any posing. Most of us have been on the interwebs for a very long time and know most of the history, so there really is no sense in making shit up for your own personal amusement. Build up your case with facts and amusing anecdotes!

Also, and this is very common, please do not talk about us having no lives. I talked about this before. It is a stupid argument and it’ll get you nowhere fast, except Dumbfuck Land, which is probably where Nurse Betty resides.

Becky: Especially when your only reason for believing we don’t have lives is that we post shit about other people on the internet. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: we’re half-assed. No, we’re less than half-assed, we’re quarter-assed. Besides, you have to remember that it’s easier to talk about the truth because when you lie you actually have to think the lies up. Our unreviewees do half the work for us by coming up with things we can talk about, you made shit up. Who are the ones with no lives now? Hmm?

Sarai: Our job is easy, though. We don’t really have to dig for much since it’s all there, out in the open and on the surface. It’s when we get down to the nitty gritty that it becomes exhausting. But! Rewarding. Because naturally, that’s where we find the best lulz. This dude, however, just broadly skipped over general drama. He also mentioned that we had hurt him in the past… but I don’t understand.

Becky: Yes, it was “years and years ago”, except we had our first birthday back in March. Perhaps he has us confused with someone else?

Sarai: Again: If you’re going to bring something up, remember the facts! No one likes an empty argument, it’s a waste of time.

Becky: Oh and don’t sit there and complain about us rehashing old drama when your post is completely filled with old drama that has been rehashed to death (usually by us).

Sarai: Exactly.

I gotta make it clear; I have no love for Becky due to something she and Sarai did to my previous website. This was years and years ago though, so I’m over what they did. I am not over who they are as people and I hate to see them trying to run down those who don’t deserve it.

God I wish I knew just what the hell is going on here.

They took something and blew it up into a massive pile of dog crap. It’s no wonder she hates them for it. I hate them for what they did to me.

You were right, Becky. The internet is serious business.

Becky: Yes, it hates us because we unreviewed it years and years ago, but it’s totally over that now (but it still hates us). Am I the only one who’s confused here? You know, aside from our new little friend. You can’t hate someone and be over what they did to you at the same time. Though I doubt we did anything to this person if it was years and years ago….

Sarai: I didn’t even know you “years and years ago”. Sounds to me like this dude is just grasping at straws, just like everyone else. What’s next? Some talk about our looks?

Becky of Babblative and Internet Police: Ugly inside and out. Dang.

Oh there it is. Well, they tried? I always appreciate hard work and effort.

Becky: Yes they did indeed. Here’s how you rag on someone’s looks and come out smelling like a rose: Make sure you have something other than their looks to use against them. So simple yet so important. You may think that us being mean is more than enough, but it’s not. Especially when you can’t even get your facts straight.

Sarai: I can’t even think of the number of times I’ve been called a meanie. I keep hoping for new, better, accurate, well-constructed insults but apparently it’s not meant to be.

Plus, on Becky, it just looks like she’s trying to masquerade as a Mexican whore.
And yeah, gotta heart the whole “take off your glasses and raise your head to make you seem more hip and less chin” procedure.

And it just keeps going. Is this all they have on us? Rhiannon drama, something that happened years and years ago, and the fact that you’re a dirty whore? God. Where’s the creativity people!

Becky: I am chongalicious. But seriously, that’s all they have, that I’m a dirty whore? Lame. Sarai is far more inventive with her nicknames for me. Also, using my weight as an insult fails because I’m about 25lbs away from my goal weight, if I sat on the couch all day watching Judge Judy and blogging about how I’m trying the latest diet pill craze, then you could use my weight as an insult. I’m just sayin’. If you really want to make me feel bad insult my coding. Seriously, tell me that my coding is unsemantic or invalid, it’ll make me cry.

Sarai: And who wouldn’t feel insulted? Code is very important. * pat pat *

I guess the only guideline left is my personal favorite: Be original. Copying our little conversation style is a bit pathetic… Especially since you fail at it, what with not knowing who’s saying what and not getting your facts straight.

Becky: You know something? Somehow they managed to appear more half-assed than we are. I didn’t even think that was possible!

Sarai: I hadn’t thought about that!

Becky: You guys who read us, you should appreciate that we take the effort to put our real names on what we say and that we don’t make shit up. I think we’re underappreciated Sarai.

Sarai: :-( You’re so right Becky. Or should I call you Maria?

Becky: Maria is fine, bb. This quote made me go wtf:

Seriously, is she too poor to own a decent digital camera …? Everyone fuckin’ has one nowadays. You can get a killer camera for like $30 if you watch the sale flyers. Wtf.

You can get a killer camera for $30!? God I am so there, the kind of one I want (decent, able to take shots without weird pixelly colours, etc.,) is at least $300 and unfortunately I am far too poor (being unemployed and all) to afford $300 for a decent camera. I have, however, done a lot of comparison shopping and I have never seen a decent digital camera for under $100.

Sarai: I was a bit confused by that, too. Maybe in Dumbfuck Land such a thing exists but in the real world, if you want a decent point and shoot, it’s about $80 at least.

Becky: And that’s for a lower end camera. I’d like to visit this Dumbfuck Land sometime and go on a little shopping spree. If killer cameras are only $30 then I wonder what else you can get for cheap. A 2008 Volvo for $18,000? A top-of-the-line gaming computer for $500? Oh the possibilities!

Sarai: Yeah no kidding. I’d get myself a decent tv for $20 bucks and some Hello Kitty robes for a couple of bucks, I ain’t even gonna lie.

Becky: Really guys, we don’t mind if you want to rag on us for what we do. We know we’re not very popular in the sense that people like us and what we do (though they keep coming back and they tend to comment a lot or write unreviews of us). But if you’re going to unreview us, or anyone else for that matter, don’t make stuff up. And sarcasm is best left for those who know how to use it (grownups).

Sarai: I agree, I honestly don’t mind what people say about us. At this point I’ve heard it all. With a website like ours, I doubt we’d get praises and gifts (sorry to burst your bubble Becky) for our content so it’s not like I don’t expect it.

Becky: Aww and here I was hoping that we’d be getting our first shipment of gifts soon.

Sarai: Sorry, Maria, maybe you can get one of your clients to get you something really nice. Like a glittery barrette. Or a chinese fan.

Becky: I guess I will have to get one of my clients to give me something nice, I like the idea of a glittery barrette. Or maybe one of those $30 cameras.

Oh, and is it just me, or does the bitch have black, soulless eyes?

Do I have black, soulless eyes?

Sarai: I never thought so. I always thought you had giving, grateful, eyes.

Becky: Nice big, warm Pussybear eyes? Thank you bb.

Who can forget our hilarious entry on Becky at Encyclopedia Dramatica?

Plenty of people because that article was removed for lack of lulz. Good try though.

Sarai: I don’t remember that, I didn’t know you back then.

Becky: To sum it up: Becky is ugly and she’s mean, and that’s why the administrators deleted it.

Sarai: So the administrators deleted it? Damn. And they have some really shitty articles up, so I can just imagine how lame it was.

Becky: Yeah it was pretty tame all things considered. I’m surprised it stayed up as long as it did (for one or two days). I’m also surprised that IP hasn’t made it to ED yet, we have lots of hataz who could write an article about us, perhaps they’re just lazy?

Sarai: Maybe someone else called their layouts ugly, and their focus shifted?

Becky: That must be it, or they got distracted by something shiny.

I don’t think that there’s really anything else to say about unreviewing us other than you should probably use common sense and talk about things that really happened. If we don’t know what you’re making fun of us for because we didn’t do it, then you failed.

Sarai: If you really want to have a successful (and I use that term loosely) site like IP, make sure you keep the above guidelines in mind. After all, we do know what we are talking about (sort of). Plenty of people have tried to open “drama” sites before, and where are they now?

Becky: They died. Notice how they’re dead and we aren’t, you should probably consider taking our advice. I almost forgot, if you’re going to do unreviews then I recommend you start linking people so that they can find you. Don’t count on becoming e-famous right off the bat, to become e-famous (like ourselves) you need to actually have visitors.

Sarai: That’s what I’m saying.

Becky: One more thing: we decided not to link this person because they’re doing it for the hits and why help them become e-famous? If you’re really curious, however you can just Google a sentence from one of their quotes up there surrounded by quotes (“like this”) and their site should be the only one to come up.

Becky: Sarai and I thought we’d give you guys a few tips on how to piss off your visitors. As always we’re going to be needing a few examples. Normally we would spend minutes searching the web and scouring the internet for the finest sites to show you, but not today! We found a site that has everything we need all rolled into one. And I do mean everything, font-size, family, bolded text, bad contrast, crappy tutorials and that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

Let’s start with Trebuchet MS bold and using it for your main text.

Sarai: 10pt sized to round it all off. Next, forget your <html> tags altogether because, really, who needs those?

Becky: Not someone as l33t as we are! And don’t forget to use a link colour that is really, really, really close the background colour (and I mean really close) and keep it the same on hover because just fucking with your visitors once is so 2007.

Sarai: Oh totally. Also, the “No Sticky Pawz!” is out. A paragraph will do just nicely:

I have written ALL of these tutorials, taken all the screenshots, made all the diagrams, examples, etc.
If these tutorials help you at all, i’d much appreciate it if you credited or linked back beautifulmistakes.net
Do not distribute, direct/hot link, or use any of my screenshots, diagrams, or examples.

Be as specific as possible.

Becky: Don’t just say “link me if you use it” because people will not understand. Don’t forget to include your URL because people are extra stupid and you get extra points if you include HTML for them to copy and paste. Oh and you should probably claim every single thing as yours, even the words (even though you didn’t technically invent them, your visitors knuckles are dragging on the ground, like they’ll figure it out). It does not matter if every other tutorial on the internet uses the exact same screenshot or diagram, it’s yours goddammit and you want hits!

Sarai: Hits is gold nowadays! The more hits you get, the closer you are to
Jessica’s affiliates list! If you really want to make a visitor’s life a living hell, code your layout specifically for Internet Explorer. Otherwise Firefox users will be able to read your links and we don’t want that.

But the best part is to come: Teaching your visitors tutorials that will send them on the path to greatness!

Becky: We most certainly do not! Now guys this next part is very important, pay very close attention and sit up straight. If you want to piss your visitors off then there is no better way than providing them with incorrect information and bad examples.

input, select { 
color: #COLOUR;
background: #COLOUR; 
font-size: 6pt; 
font-weight: normal; 
font-weight: none;
text-decoration: none; 
font-family: Tahoma; 
text-align: left; 
border-width: 1px; 
border-style: dashed; 
border-color: #COLOUR;

Never, ever give them valid, clean anything. Miss brackets, don’t group properties together and make no fucking sense whatsoever.

.CSS stands for cascading styling sheet. Lots of web-designerss like myself, use it so it is much, easier to change the text colours, etc, to match a layout. It is much easier than changing each table/box in detail in a html code.
source

Sarai, am I a good web-designerss?

Sarai: I’m afraid you fall short when it comes to her webstandards, Becky. For fuck’s sake you put your <title> codes between the <head> tags and according to Tiff that ain’t the way to go about it! She loves Iframes and you obviously don’t. That’s not only confusing, but dumb. How else would your pages load?! Seriously now, get with the program.

Becky: That’s wrong? Really? Damn, and I thought I was so good. So, if I start leaving tags out (maybe even inventing a few) I’d be as great a web-designerss as Tiffany? I’d totally leave the credits in the sidebar, so when a couple of assholes named Shanicka and Shanaynay come along they know who to blame for the mess.

Sarai:

CSS stands for cascading styling sheet. Lots of web-designerss like myself, use it so it is much, easier to change the text colours, etc, to match a layout. It is much easier than changing each table/box in detail in a html code.
Here is a definition I got from google:
‘‘A series of instructions that specify how text should appear on a Web page. You can use CSS to set styles for text, borders, and other elements, and apply these styles to an entire Web site.’‘

I wonder if she credits Google for that snippet.

Becky: Well she mentions them? No link though. I wonder if that means I can just name her in the sidebar instead. “I got this goddawful coding from beautifulmistakes.net!”

Also, does Google have definitions for CSS and HTML now? Or did she use Google to search for a definition. If so, why didn’t she credit the site she stole it from? Fucking hypocrite.

2. Now, let’s turn your picture black and white if it already isn’t; if it is, skip to step 3.
So go to image>>adjustments>>desaturate
source

Revolutionary! Amazing! Wow.

Sarai: Just look at that difference! I can’t even take it. _

I don’t understand how people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing feel the need to teach others things they don’t know.

6. At the top of the code, there should be something like this:

a { text-decoration: none; 
font-weight: none; 
font-family: tahoma; 
color: #COLOUR; 
background-color:#COLOUR;
border-bottom: 0px dashed #COLOUR; 
text-transform: none; 
font-size: 8pt; cursor: default; 
This section of the CSS, is the link settings. 

I don’t think there are enough font attributes in that coding.

Becky: Because they will never reach a l33t status (and earn that coveted spot on Jessica’s sidebar) if they don’t distribute crappy tutorials. Wait, what’s this… OH HELL NAW. HELL NAW. Bitch went on archives.org and stole my Cutting PSD’s Tutorial. And she didn’t credit me. It is on. Look at it! The nerve of some people.

Sarai: She did?! BRB Sending a really angry e-mail complete with spelling mistakes, random insults, and a lot of anger emoticons.

Becky: You da best friend ever. Call her a hoe for me please (because we all know that when you’re dealing with shit on the internet you send your friends in first and hide out).

Sarai: I’m about to call Jhaye to help me. Maybe I can bribe her with a burrito.

Becky: You’re a very good Mexican, too, Saran. And I think she prefers chalupas.

Sarai: I have some of those too. Can we talk about her Network page? Because this:

I do not take web design seriously as it is just a hobby for me. I created BeautifulMistakes.net for leisure, and to distribute the graphics and design resources that I’ve made myself.

threw me a bit off guard.

Becky: She created beautifulmistakes.net for free time? Interesting. If she doesn’t take it seriously then I assume we’re not meant to take her seriously. That’s it! This is one big (bad) joke on us, she’s not being serious when she tells you to use shitty code. No, she’s joking…. right? RIGHT?

Sarai: It’s the only way I’ll be able to sleep soundly tonight. I just can’t help but worry about these people. Her source is a NIGHTMARE.

 <!-- Nav --> 
<div id="menu"> 
<ul> 
<DIV style="left: 470px; WIDTH: 100px; POSITION: absolute; TOP: 0px"> 
<li><a href="http://www.beautifulmistakes.net/me/tiff.php">Tiffany</a></li> 
</div> 
<DIV style="left: 580px; WIDTH: 100px; POSITION: absolute; TOP: 0px"> 
<li><a href="http://www.beautifulmistakes.net/content.php">Stuff</a></li> 
</div> 
<DIV style="left: 680px; WIDTH: 100px; POSITION: absolute; TOP: 0px"> 
<li><a href="http://www.beautifulmistakes.unphased.org" target="_blank">Icons</a></li> 
</div> 
<DIV style="left: 775px; WIDTH: 100px; POSITION: absolute; TOP: 0px"> 
<li><a href="http://www.beautifulmistakes.net/site/website.php">Network</a></li> 
</div> 
<DIV style="left: 900px; WIDTH: 100px; POSITION: absolute; TOP: 0px"> 
<li><a href="http://www.beautifulmistakes.net/index.php">Blog</a></li> 
</div> 
</ul>

Really? Here’s a tip: If your own source code is a fucking nightmare, don’t brand yourself Teacher and waste your time teaching others. Instead, refer them to people who know. their. shit. You’ll be a lot more helpful.

Becky: Remember, she’s not doing it professionally. It only counts if you’re a professional.This shit is almost as bad as Rhiannon’s coding (almost, not quite). There should be a society for the prevention of cruelty against codes, assholes like this should be locked up forever.

Sarai: Under her dislikes she says the following:

I hate people who bitch all day, and won’t figure out something else to talk about besides from mean remarks about someone, or some people.

Well damn.

Becky: She’s gonna really hate us then.

Sarai: So basically, to wrap this all up, Tiffany likes teaching people terrible code, has no respect for google or mean people, and doesn’t take webdesign seriously. I think I covered it all.

Becky: Don’t forget she likes you to credit her for her crappy code, but doesn’t like crediting other people for the stuff she steals. Basically she’s one big old douchebag.

Sarai: Now now Becky, that’s a little harsh. I prefer Ignorant.

Becky: Either you’ve been medicated or you’ve gotten soft. Is Brent medicating you?

Sarai: No I’m just tired from standing on my feet all day from making tacos. You understand.

Becky: Of course I do, Mexican life is very hard.

Sarai: Well I have to go weave some baskets, do you mind wrapping this up?

Becky: Sure thing! Tiffany, for cruelty against HTML and CSS (though not on the level of some people * ahem *) we sentence you to 300 internet years in e-prison. You’ll have to hang out on, brace yourself, twitter and Myspace.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to waddle over to the corner store because I’m out of Twinkies. Shreky out.

Sarai: And armed with insults, name-calling, racist remarks, and overall dumbassness. My favorite kind tbh.

Alyssa: Lmmfaooooooo @jhaye LOL @ them using “nigger” though. Man oh man

* late * LOL i know I don’t look like a nigger but they’re ignorant. @terin

Jhaye: They’re only usin that probably cuz I use cracker so freely. Maybe I should put an a on the end so they won’t feel so hurt. ‘CRACKA’

Becky: It’s sad when people can’t read. This is the quote they’re referring to: “Becky: God I was so much happier before I heard of a nigger1 who could lay pipe like a champ. In the ass, in the pussy, in whatever orifice you desire.” And this is the footnote that went with that quote: “1 That was a quote of sorts from MissResha of Scandelous.” She referred to her boyfriend as a “nigger” quite frenquently and usually included references to his sexual prowess along side it. It’s not a direct quote, but rather two quotes smashed together:

That nigga KNOWS how to work the dick like a muthafuckin champ–even had my ass in tears.
Scandaleous

Learn to read, please because I never, not even once, called any of you a nigger.

Sarai: Well, they can barely spell — I’m thinking Reading Comprehension 101 is reaching. The thing that gets me is how they talk so much shit about us, our appearances, our ethnicity or lack thereof, etc. and they’re so serious about it, too! But somehow, because it’s them, it’s a-okay.

Becky: Not only do they call me a Jehovah’s Witness cracker, Jhaye had this to say about Sarai: “sarai is a mexican bean grower. Thanks for the chalupas.” And the second they think, mistakenly, of course, that they’ve been called a racial slur it’s war. We’re ignorant, but they aren’t. Does that make sense to you?

Sarai: Of course not, but then again, none of this makes much sense. So we thought their sites were lulzy. Big fucking deal? No need to call me a “mexican bean grower,” especially since I’m Puerto Rican and all. Good try though.

Becky: No need to call me a Jehovah’s Witness since I’m an Atheist. I didn’t even know you could look like a Jehovah’s Witness (or an Atheist for that matter).

The only thing we did to Alyssa was mention her sidebar, how her layout was ugly and her English less than perfect. I also mentioned her stupidity in a blog of mine. You can check out the IP post containing our conversation on her here. Why in the hell is she so damn angry?

Alyssa http://police.babblative.com/clusterfuck man oh man I would love to kick her ass!

lol i seen the pic she has in her bio. man oh man i would really love to punch that girl right in her face. you can tell shes the type to run her mouth behind a computer but would run from a fight.

oh no no no sweetie I will gladly back smack becky or whatever her names in. I actually would love to punch her in the face. I was going to say something but the posts were old & didnt want to stir up more nonsense

Those are pretty strong emotions considering what happened (emphasis my own).

Sarai: Those are strong emotions, period. This is the internet; it’s not that serious. I’m sure if “Honey” (lol) came at me and punched me in the face, my opinions on her website wouldn’t change. Coming at me swinging like a retard or insulting me just because I said some things on the internet is a bit much. And by that I mean you’d look like a fucking retard. Or should I say, “You’d act like a dayum fool.” ? In any case, I also found it weird she added me on Flickr. I wish I cared enough to ask her why, but I don’t.

Becky: Would I run from a fight? Probably. I’m not the sort of person to take part in a brawl that would put Jerry Springer’s guests to shame. I also don’t really want to go to jail on assault charges, I’m picky like that. Threatening to assault someone because they said you were an idiot, that your layout is ugly or that your sidebar is just too goddamn long on the internet is retarded. Plain and simple.

Sarai: I especially love the part where one says we’re hiding from them. Excuse me? And patting eachother on the e-back for eachother’s ridiculous derogatory exchances via Twitter is not? Get the fuck out. They’re hypocrites, plain and simple. They have no leg to stand on, but yet they keep on going anyways. They’ll probably continue talking shit even after this conversation, presumably to comment on the fact I’m Puerto Rican and not a “bean grower” or say how my website is boring, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all before.

Becky: I’m curious as to why they think we’re hiding. This is a public website, we use our real names and link to everyone we talk about. We don’t keep this locked and private, as some of the twitter accounts of people involved are.

Sarai: I think it’s safe to say they’re just talking shit to talk shit. Can I also point out really quick how often they call you obese/overweight and/or fat? Based on one picture, because no one else has seen any others. They keep rehashing the same “argument” (if you could call it that), almost as if they have nothing to go on except for your looks. At least when we have something to say, there’s a reason.

Becky: I admit I’m overweight, I’m 155lbs and about 5’3”. I’ve never hidden that fact from anyone. Even last year when I was teetering on that fine line between obesity and overweight at 190lbs I never hid it. It’s not something that I’m ashamed of and it’s not something that I hide. I’d like to suggest to everyone that if you really want to insult me, this includes you, Rhiannon, for your comment on my weight, you find something else because the whole overweight and obese thing isn’t working. In fact, it’s making you look retarded.

Sarai: I just wish they had more to go on because I’d honestly rather be overweight than an unintelligent douchebag. But that’s just me. Speaking of Rhiannon, what the hell is up with her anyway? She felt “betrayed” by our opinions, yet she herself said she barely knew us.

Becky: My weight is pretty much the only thing they bothered to insult. Surely if I’m as horrible as they claim there are other things they could say. Right? As for Rhiannon, well, she just didn’t like that she did something really stupid and got called on it. She’s one classy lady, though, lemme tell ya.

Rhiannon: No way, I never really knew them well anyway. They made out I told Nellie to defend me or some shit when I didn’t, and then went on about how I was a hypocrite…for no reason. Oh well, pretty much everyone online hates those lame bitches anyway (no offense if you’re friends with them) so I’m not too bothered about it. I just didn’t like the fact that they were talking all this shit about me that
Source

If only either of us gave a damn whether e-people loved us.

Sarai: Be right back Becky, gonna go lube up to beat up Rhiannon’s azZ! It’s ON NAO!1 My momma don’t even call me dat! And don’t you try to stop me Becky. We’re handling this bitch to bitch. Hold my weav— I said hold my weave bitch!

Becky: Just hand me your weave, bb. I’ll be here with my big foam hand cheering you on. Nothing like a good old fashioned hoedown to cheer you up on a dreary day. And what better reason to have a hoedown than something someone said on the internet?

Sarai: I can’t think of a better reason. I wish I could say I cared enough to hope that these girls will come on here and you know, tell us this stuff to our e-faces but just reading that makes me burst into a fit of giggles.

I really just wanted to get these quotes out there, so that people can see that Stupidity is still ample around the interwebs.

Becky: They won’t come near any of our sites, and I sincerely doubt that they’ll even post it on their sites. Tomorrow we’ll probably have another installment of “Twitter Retards Gone Wild”.

Sarai: Tomorrow I expect one of them to hop on a plane to Bumfuck, Ohio where I currently reside to give me a well-deserved beat down. And I’ll be here with open arms. And a lot of vaseline.

Becky: Hopefully their next stop will be Buttfuck, Ontario where I’ll chase them around with a tractor. Hilarity will ensue.

Sarai: I’m off to go inhale some junk food, do my hair, sit on my big fat ass, and then call some random hoes dipchitz on the internets, bai.

Becky: Can I come with you?

Sarai: It won’t be the same without you, my little chalupa.