Internet. Serious Business.

Choose Your Own Adventure (CYOA) Topics

The Troll — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:25:39 +0000

Growing up, one of the greatest books out there were the “Choose Your OWn Adventure” sort. After each page you read, the book gives you 2-5 options as to where you want the story to go next. With these options, one book becomes like 5. You can play the story out in several different ways and end up with completely different adventures.

MAny times you will see these pop up on message boards. Of course these topics are much better than any of these books ever were. Simply because these threads are not made for children and you can see tons of crazy ideas that make a hysterical story.

Although people tend to spend way too much tim bringing zombies, and Armageddon, every once in a while there is one worth reading. Things that will follow the adventures of Chris Hansen of “to Catch a Predator”, or one I saw recently called: “You are a Fat Man CYOA” following a man and his plus size clothing around.

If you have very little imagination, DO NOT make these topics. Only pick the options to lead the story. Nobody wants to read about your trip to band camp if all you do is tell ghost stories around the fire. Of course if you put a flute in your…*cough*…you know…well that may make for an interesting tale.

Hmmm…let me think. Here are some topics I would like to see:

You are Obama as a Pimp
You are Ronald McDonald, Super Hero
You are George Carlin, In Hell
You are Rick Astley
You are Captain Obvious
You are Donald Trump, Best Man at Rosie O’Donnel’s Wedding

Rock-aFire (Showbiz Pizza Band) Videos

The Troll — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 00:33:34 +0000

If you have ever been to a Showbiz Pizza, or a Chuck-E-Cheese’s you probably remember the band the band of animals playing instruments up on stage while you ate. Well…someone went out and bought a set of them, but instead of the Brithday song they all used to sing they make the play more popular pop music. You knwo the kind you play when you are hooking up with a Slump Buster at cheap hotels because they are fans of N-Sync and other crap bands. There are a few of them out there now so I’ll put them in for you.

Usher - Love In This Club (Performed by Showbiz Pizza Band)

Hips Don’t Lie- Shakira - The Rock-afire Explosion

4 Minutes * Madonna * The Rock-afire Explosion

Rockafire Explosion performs “Spider Webs”

There are tons of these if you go over to Youtube and look at the “related Videos”. There are actually some made by another guy that are acted out in costumes I think rather than the mechanical band like it is in these. Genius.

Elevator Psychology

The Troll — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 06:55:09 +0000

Jsut saw this video out and about. Kind of funny. It’s an old Candid Camera video where they watch people on an elevator. The people tend to try and be individual on the elevator, but end up just moving in line with everyone else. They then try to manipulate the situation a little bit.

This was way back during black and white TV days so it is rather innocent. Imagine someone doing it now where a bunch of stiffs were in there and some gangsta looking guy came in with a bunch of gold chain hanging out to see how people would respond. Probably try to move closer to the wall, or even slip out on the wrong floor…lol

Elevator Psychology

Boy Trapped in Refrigerator Eats Own Foot

The Troll — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 01:16:35 +0000

This was one of the great memories from the Airplane! movie series. A headline in the “Enquirer” stating that “Boy Trapped in Refrigerator Eats Own Foot”. Based on his medical diagnostics he survived by doing so apparently.

Why the hell am I writing about this? In part because I love that headline, but in full is that I am trying to find an image of that headline and paper from the movie. I haven’t tried anything to find it, and I’m all out of ideas. Well…that isn’t technically true. I have used my amazing skills of search engine dominance to find such an image, but I have yet to find one.

So…if anyone wants to be a nice guy/girl and find it for me and post it in the comments I would be happy. Of course I’m not going to pay you anything to find such a thing for me, but I will give you some props if you do it. You spammin’ bastards may actually get me to release a comment from you for once if you come up with the goods.

Meeting a Boyfiriend/Girlfriend From the Internet

The Troll — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:11:06 +0000

Now…most of us think anyone who has to find a mate on the internet is a complete loser. People lie about who they are, and they come to find out it is some freak that was pretending to be 12 when he is 40, the guy gives you a pic of Ponch from ChiPs:

and you end up seeing this guy show up for the date instead:

Of course to actually meet someone from the internet is pretty desperate anyways…You have to be one lonely mofo to take the chance that the psycho you are going to meet isn’t really a psycho, a pedophile, or a transvestite.

Before you start picking out your baby crib bedding…They can go through any compatibility test they want, but the results still end up just the same as the do for anyone else…

Jurassic PArk: The Abridged Version YTMND

The Troll — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:58:36 +0000

Been a while since I was roaming around on YTMND.com so i figured that I would take a look at what was popular this week. It appears that the most watched and highest rated this week is Jurassic Park: The Abridged Version.

Now I would be surprised if you didn’t at least crack a smile, although this isn’t really epic by my standards. What are my standards of Epicnessessessess? There are no standards. When something is Epic you just know it. Defining Epic is just not possible. Well I guess it is if you are one of those tools that thinks the Dictionary is real. You are the same ones that should be applying acne treatment to your faces hourly because you look like a pizza face.

Crap TV Flashbacks: Saved By the Bell the College Years

The Troll — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:37:11 +0000

I’m not sure there are many people that can truly say they hated Saved By the Bell. The show was completely terrible of course, but it had something that made people want to watch it. Kelly Kapowski, and of course Jessica Spano being the hot dork who read books all day to be the #1 student (Striptease flashbacks from hell).

Now the College Years on the other hand may not have been as bad as whatever they hell they called the one with the “second class”, but certainly it was one of the worst spin offs out there. You can only stay so cheesy for so long. Cheesy works with high school and Jr. High kids, but when they carry it over to college they just can’t cut it anymore.

The theme is worse than any of the others. That fat bastard Golic is really what makes the show go downhill.

Saved By the Bell The College Years Intro/Theme

Guest 1736 is lost and can’t find the park exit.

The Troll — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 00:27:12 +0000

Today we pay homage to one of the best games ever. Roller Coaster Tycoon! When windows computers first came out the best games were always the Sim games. NOT The Sims, but the Sim games like Sim City, Roller Coaster Tycoon, etc. Certainly The Sims were great games, but I always liked the Tycoon and City games.

Who can forget jacking up the price of umbrellas to $10 each at the Information Kiosk when the weather in the corner started to get cloudy? Rape the guests of their money when it rained because they were too scared to get wet. How else would you make money in a thunderstorm? Guests were too scared to go on the rides! Too bad you couldn’t set them up for an auto insurance quote, or some sort of accident protection insurance for the park to make extra cash at the time.

Why do people have their Handymen mow the grass in that game? Nobody cares. Damn vandals don’t think too much of your park benches. Dirtiest Park in the Country Award for those too cheap to hire good help. Damn handymen would never keep their paths clean even when you had them on set tiles. That big pile of puke could sit there for hours and he would just keep walking ALMOST to it and then turn around and go back the other way.

Guest Torture was a must:

Man…what a great game. Pretty easy to find right now too for immediate play if you know what I mean ;).

Harry Potter Rickroll YTMND

The Troll — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 01:22:35 +0000

Been a while since I talked about Rickrolls (if you are lucky you will see an ad for Rick Astley Ringtones on that post. I laughed so hard when I saw the banner ad…lmao). You just can’t go too long with out discussing the greatness of the Rickroll. Rickrolls aren’t even special anymore really. Your parents can probably tell you what one is at this point I would guess. Does that make them any less funny? I don’t think so. I’m hoping one comes out of the World Series of Poker this year at one of the vegas hotels. Come on give me something on the river…NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP! NEVER LET YOU DOWN!….ELIMINATED!

Want to open it? Want Harry to open it?

Yeah!

Harry Potter Rickroll

The Lame Jokes Thread

The Troll — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:18:42 +0000

Every once in a while on a forum there are a few people that get into a goofy mood. If you are fortunate enough to find several of them in that mood at the same time, or you are in that mood when they are (probably stoned where just a term like vegan shoes will make you laugh), you may find yourself busting a guy laughing at the lame jokes everyone throws out. These lame joke threads are actually quite creative in a sense. Sure, many of the lame jokes posted will be rehashes from the less creative folks, but many times the jokes are just created out of thin air and are a first.

The post title always starts as the first half of the lame joke. Someone will create a post title such as:

“Why did the girl fall off the swing?”

Then the answer is in the original post as:

“Because she had no arms.”

That is all you need to start it off if others are also in the same mood. After the first one lame jokes just flow from others. These lame jokes can be just plain stupid, or even quite offensive.

Let’s take a look at some examples of lame jokes that seem really funny if you happen to be in Goofball Mode Level 11.

Why did my uncle come over?
To molest us.

Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night… One was assaulted.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.

Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of anty-bodies.

My dad was a pistol, that makes me a son of a gun…

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill.”

As you can see they don’t require a question all the time. Good old Rodney Dangerfield one-liners are always great lame jokes.

Add your own in the comments if it feels right. You will be here forever, or if I ever decide to shut down this site :D.