Interrupted Expectations

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:46:00 +0000

There comes a time when we all move on. Other opportunities present themselves and seasons in life change. Although grief will always be a part of my life, I find that right now the tears don't stain my cheeks as frequently. But no matter how much time passes, they will always stain my eyes.

Although I am not removing this website, I do not plan to update it much in the future. I pray that God will continue to use it to bless those who are experiencing Interrupted Expectations. And, I pray that it will be a guide and an glimps into grief for those who are blessing the hurting.

If you find a book, post, verse, or idea that has blessed you, please let me know. I would love to add it.

Until then, I leave you with my favorite verse.

Jeremiah 29:11
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God bless...

Healthy Grieving #6 - Find a Support Group

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 19 May 2011 07:02:00 +0000

God created us to need others. Grief doesn't change this. Being by yourself while grieving can be very dangerous. Don’t feel like you can or have to go through it alone. Try to find a church or community grief support group. We need encouragers!

It is very important that you find those who has experienced something similar. Unfortunately, those who haven't shared in your "kind" of grief don't understand. They sometimes give some crazy advice simply because they don't understand. People in a support group with similar situations will understand.

Unsure of support groups available in your area? Call a local church or hospital. Pray that God will lead you to a group that can hold your hand as you travel the roads of grief.

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Healthy Grieving #5 - Write a Letter

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 12 May 2011 12:34:00 +0000

This one is the toughest for me. Tip #5 is writing a letter to the loved one that you lost. Honestly, I didn’t do this. Probably never will. The concept is that you share with the person you lost through a letter stating what you wish you could tell them in person. I definitely have talked to my loved one many times, but I haven’t gone so far as to put it down on paper.

There are so many things a grieving person wishes they could tell that very special person. It just might be an “I love you” or “I miss you”. This tip can be especially helpful if you lost your loved one and didn’t get time to prepare. This letter could help with the closure that is so important. It just might be the step that is needed for healing.

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Guest Post: When Mother's Day is Difficult

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 05 May 2011 14:27:00 +0000

Mother's Day is not a joyous day for everyone. There are women who desperately want to be with their moms but can't because of death or shattered relationship. Mother's Day is a fat reminder that the daily relationship with their mom is no longer there.

Then there are women who desperately want to be a mom. While everyone else is receiving cards and roses, these women are reminded once again that their arms are empty.

Read an article written by a woman who is reminded every year in May that she is not a Mommy yet. A reminder to us all to be on the lookout for those who grieve this Mother's Day holiday.

On May 9th, we celebrate Mother’s Day once again. For many, it’s a time of appreciation and joy. For others, it can be one of the most difficult days of the year. This is often true for women facing infertility, families who have recently experienced the loss of a mother, and many other painful situations.

I’ve learned what it’s like for Mother’s Day to be difficult through my work at Dayspring as a card writer. Each year we receive letters about our “Difficult Mother’s Day” cards. One woman expressed her appreciation and then said, “I spent seven very painful Mother’s Days longing for motherhood while dealing with infertility and the losses of eight children through miscarriage and failed adoptions. I’ve also seen my own mother’s grief and struggle through Mother’s Day after the death of her mother. And I have many friends in less-than-ideal situations with their children.” Read more...

Thank you Holley for allowing me to share part of your journey.
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Healthy Grieving #4 - Journal

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 11:48:00 +0000

This is a continuation from the last blog on "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by Steve Arterburn.

Tip number four for Healthy Grieving is journaling. Simply stated, you just write out how you are feeling. This may take the form of a prayer or just thoughts as they come. The only rule is that you just be honest. Since this is for your eyes only, there is no fear. By writing down your thoughts, you have a resource to go back to and see if you are changing or growing in your faith.

This is something that I didn’t do and really wish I would have. At the time it seemed like I would never forget what was happening. But looking back, I wonder just how I really felt. I remember that my heart was down to my toes, but I have forgetten the details. As I help others through the grieving process, I realize it would have been good to be able to go back and remember what I felt at that time.

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Healthy Grieving #3 - Telephone Buddy

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:06:00 +0000

This is a continuation from the last blog on "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by Steve Arterburn.

A grieving person needs a telephone buddy. That person you can call when it hits real hard and you need to talk immediately. Hopefully you can call this person night or day.

I lost my daughter almost 11 years ago. This weekend I had to clean her room. She always hated me cleaning her room. I just know she was yelling from heaven to not clean it. Even after all of these years, the tears were flowing while doing this dreaful job. I needed to talk to someone. Thankfully my telephone buddy was available. This person may not be the same person from the start of the grieving process. As your grief changes, this buddy may change. That is okay. But, we will continue to need our telephone buddy for years to come.

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Healthy Grieving #2 - Tell People What Helps

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 08:58:00 +0000

This is a continuation from the last blog on "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by Steve Arterburn.

It is so hard to tell people what helps and what doesn’t when you are grieving. Frankly, I don't think I knew myself! If they haven’t been through an interrupted expectation, those around you don’t understand. It is your job as a grieving person to teach them. You need to let them know when you need a hug or an errand run.

As a grieving person, we take it personally when people do not fulfill our needs. We think they do not care but most of the time they simply don’t understand or know what to do. People can not read our minds so we must be brave and tell them what we need.

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Healthy Grieving #1 - Stay Connected

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 08:40:00 +0000

While looking through some old emails, my mom found a forward that I had sent to her just nine months after my sister died. It contained a list of "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by author Steve Arterburn. She wondered if I would like to use it on this blog and I asked if she would consider writing a little something about each one of the tips. She kindly obliged. For the next few weeks, we will be looking at these ten tips from the viewpoint of a grieving mom. Yes, even after eleven years, she is still grieving and will always grieve.

I can’t tell you which one of the tips is most important so we will just start with “connection”. It is of utmost importance that you stay connected with someone. This could be a family member, friend, pastor, or counselor. At first this might appear to be one sided where you do all of the talking and they do the listening. As a grieving person, we just need someone who will listen to our hurts. If this person is a true friend, they will know their role and be content with their job. This is your time to talk because down the road the roles will change. You will need to be a listener for someone who has just begun grieving. Not sure how to find someone? Begin to pray that God would bring a wise person into your life who will listen with wisdom. This person needs to be nonjudgmental but be able to help you stay on the path of healthy grieving.

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You...

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 11:27:00 +0000

While searching for an image for another blog post, I came upon this poster. Immediately the Holy Spirit said, "This is what God thinks of you!" Then I was hit with all of these encouraging thoughts:

                                              You are mine.

You are beautiful.
                                                                                      You are my daughter.
                                          You are the daughter of a King.
                                                                             You are created in my image.

All thoughts that the enemy pounds us day in and day out as lies. We are hit at every angle that we don't match up. God smashes that and says, "No. When I look at you, I see my child. Wow!"

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The Ultimate Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 12:25:00 +0000

It is amazing how many times God has brought these verses to my mind when I need them most.

Revelation 21:3-5 (New Living Translation)

3 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.

4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

5 And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.”

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Encouragement

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 11:28:00 +0000

Encouragement for my sisters in Christ from Beth Moore:

You have everything you need by virture of the Holy Spirit within you to bear your load. If He had energy enough to speak the worlds into being...He has the energy to carry you through your burden.

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My Mess

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 14:10:00 +0000

I heard this said during a call-in time on our local radio station. It is perfect.

God turned my mess into His message.

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Faith...

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 11:56:00 +0000

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Faith During Interrupted Expectations

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 14:06:00 +0000

Also from Lord, Only You Can Change Me: A Devotional Study on Growing in Character from the Beatitudes is a quote about faith.

Faith says, "God, I don't understand, but I know You are sovereign, loving, and just. I may never understand in this life, but I will not accuse You, slander You, nor alter a single one of Your words to fit my poor, limited perspective."

Wow...

God is Sovereign Even in Interrupted Expectations?

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 13:56:00 +0000

For my devo time, I have been studying the Beatitudes using Kay Arthur's study Lord, Only You Can Change Me: A Devotional Study on Growing in Character from the Beatitudes. Currently, I am learning about meekness. What I have uncovered is that meekness is understand that God is sovereign (surpreme ruler or ruler over all) and it is His will not my own. Ms. Arthur brings up the age-old question about God being sovereign but yet bad things happening in the world. Here are a few points that she makes:

We are so focused on the future that we can't understand the things happening to us now. Our circumstances seem confusing and don't appear to be taking us in the direction we want to go. ...We struggle and strain to see more clearly.

This is why some people have problems with the sovereignty of God. They look at the future, imagining they see it clearly. Because of their cherished goals and high expectations, they have difficulty accepting and handling hurts, setbacks, and adversities in daily life. Life seems out of control. How could these bumps and bruises possibly be coming from God?

...What they need is a proper perspective on the present in light of the eternal. ...He views our whole earthly pilgrimage through the eyes of eternity. He knows where we are going. He knows how it all fits together. He knows how to extract maximum good and maximum glory out of every situation, no matter what!

Come Home...

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:24:00 +0000

I actually wrote this blog a few months ago but for some reason never posted it. I guess the timing wasn't right until today. I sit here grieving for a friend. Actually a year older in school, a girl (who I will call Hannah) who I respected and enjoyed being in choir and show choir with. Hannah was never anything but kind and encouraging to me.

Life has taken us in different directions after graduations but God continues to cross our paths in different ways. After Hannah announced her 4th pregnancy, everyone was excited to hear about the birth of their precious daughter (who I will call Grace). Just a few days after her birth, they realized that Grace's heart wasn't quite formed correctly. Immediately I was drawn to this baby and family in prayer. Suddenly, Hannah and I were no longer just girls from the same hometown. Now we were both moms to heart babies.

On October 7th, Grace had open heart surgery. Although it didn't go as well as they hoped, the surgeon was optimistic about the outcome. The next day, things took a turn for the worse and Grace was placed in the arms of Jesus. In an instant, Hannah joined a club that she never asked to be in. The same club that I was forced into almost eleven years ago. It's the group of people who place a child or young person in the arms of Jesus.

As my heart aches for this family, I find myself asking that forever question, "Why?". I am surrounded by yet another family grieving because of the lose of a child. In this case, a child who was only a few weeks old. As I wrestle with this through prayer, God reminds me that none of this world is mine or under my control. God can at any moment call one of us home.

So, why did Grace only have a few short months? Why did my sister only have 18 1/2 years? Well, because their time on earth was done. God said, "You have done what I have asked you to do. Come home."

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Grateful in Your Interrupted Expectations #2

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 11:58:00 +0000

Again, I am borrowing a quote from a friend's blog. This one comes from Joni Eareckson Tada.

"your hardship and heartache come from HIS wise and kind hand and for that, you can be grateful."

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Grateful in Your Interrupted Expectations

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 11:45:00 +0000

I am borrowing this quote from two places...a friend's blog where she is quoting Nancy Lee Demoss's book Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy. I can't say that I am right now in this place but as I spend more time understanding who God is I am journeying one step closer. Let's be honest; sometimes my steps are backwards. But, as long as I have more steps forward than backward, I am still stepping toward the prize.

I have learned that in every circumstances that comes my way, I can choose to respond in one of two ways: I can whine OR I can worship!

Review: Softly and Tenderly

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 17:39:00 +0000

Just a year ago, I started a new book The Sweet By and By by recording artist Sara Evans with Rachel Hauck. In my review I stated, "I was sorry that I started the book over the Christmas season because all I wanted to do was read!" The second book in the Songbird Series - Softly and Tenderly - was exactly the same. Full of surprises and hard to put down.

Unlike most people, I almost never read the back of the book. I don't want to have any leads to the plot. Because of this, my overview of this book is very slim. Jade is married. She owns two antique stores. She has a past that haunts her. The present terrifies her. The future seems unbearable. I can sum it up in two words - Interrupted Expectations.

Momma C's Thoughts: Much of what I wrote in my review of the first book applies to the second one. The authors have an amazing way with words. The luring descriptions pull you right in. I enjoyed reading this book and look forward to the final book in the series. But, I want to preface that statement with – this could be a very difficult story to read for people who have had similar circumstances in life.

A quote on the front of the book compares this book with those of Karen Kingsbury's. Since I have read almost every Karen Kingsbury book ever written, I can say with assurance that I would not put these books in the same category. If the movie rating system was used on books, Kingsbury would be "G" and the Songbird Series would receive a "PG-13." This is not a book that I would allow my daughter to read until a maturity level is reached. The plot includes some tough topics and some crude comments are made at times. While this may not shock most people, those who are anticipating a Baxter-style book are going to be in for a rude surprise.

Scattered throughout the book are references to God, prayer, salvation. I was disappointed that the references weren't more blatant. The authors had a golden opportunity to present the Gospel and I feel they left it hanging.

I enjoyed this book but understand that it is not for everyone.

Thank you to BookSneeze for giving me the opportunity to review this book.

An Elephant in the Room

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:20:00 +0000

A friend posted this poem on the 1 month anniversary of their daughter's death. It is so perfect.
There's an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
So it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with "How are you? And "I'm Fine."
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything-except the elephant in the room.

There's an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.

For you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.

Oh, please say her name.
Oh, please say "______" again.
Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,
Perhaps we can talk about her life?

Can I say, "_____" to you and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me
Alone...
In a room...
With an elephant...

by: Terry Kettering

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Review: God Gave Us Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 20:55:00 +0000

I had the opportunity to review the brand new book God Gave Us So Much by Lisa Tawn Bergren which includes three of her "God Gave Us..." books. I was thrilled to see that this trio included the God Gave Us Heaven title.

This book touches a special place in my heart because of my calling to help those who are grieving. I especially look for publications that can help children through the grief process. This is an excellent book to help children understand Heaven. I was excited to receive this book as our children talk a lot about their Aunt being in Heaven. Hopefully by reading through this book they will have a little better understanding of what Heaven is.

Momma C's Thoughts: The book opens with Little Cub asking Papa, "What's heav'n?". This begins a precious question and answer time between a father and son about death, our needs in heaven, and God. My disappointment in this book is that Papa did not go deeper on the question of how we get to heaven. He does an excellent job setting up "The Bridge to Life" but misses the most important part.

"So he sent his very own Son, Jesus, to be our bridge. All we have to do is walk across it to head toward our forever home."

We "walk across" the bridge by admitting we are a sinner and have disobeyed God, believing that Jesus died on the cross and rose again and that His blood was shed to pay for our sins, and confessing our sins and asking Jesus Christ to be first in our life. (For more information on this, click here.)

As parents, we sometimes are scared to go deeper with our children. But God says that it just takes a childlike faith to enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Mark 10:15). We need to seize every opportunity to explain God's greatest gift.

This book can be purchased separately or in the trio with God Gave Us the World and God Gave Us Love. To read a review on the other books, click here.

I Will Carry

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 16:55:00 +0000

Take comfort in these words from Isaiah 46:4:

Even to your old age, I am He,
And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
I have made, and I will bear;
Even I will carry, and will deliver you.

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Our Daily Bread: Learning From Erin

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 15:32:00 +0000

My father-in-law suggested that I read this devotion from Our Daily Bread. I wanted to share it with you as well. By clicking on the link, you can read the devotion and corresponding scripture.

Learning from Erin by David Branon

Erin’s life was so different from that of most 8-year-olds. While other kids were running and playing and eating ice cream, Erin was lying in a bed being fed through a tube—able to see only the brightest lights and hear only the loudest sounds. Her life consisted of needles and nurses and hospital visits as she battled ongoing illnesses and profound disabilities.

Surrounded by a remarkable family who cared for her with compassion and filled her life with love, Erin died before reaching her ninth birthday.

What can be learned from a precious child like Erin...Read more

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Having the Right Words for Those Grieving

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 13:19:00 +0000

I could go on for hours about the mind-boggling things that people said at the time of my sister's death and continue to say now 10 1/2 years later. In her new book, Choosing to See, Mary Beth Chapman reviews this topic of people passing through the visitation for her 5 year old daughter, Maria.

As Steven and I greeted the people who were able to come to the church, a lot of them didn't know what to say. The thing that helped us most was when people would just hug us and say, "There are no words."

...Others would innocently try to connect our sorrow with some event in their own lives. They were simply trying to relate the best they could. But when people would say that they knew how we felt because they'd lost their dad or their mom or their grandmother, I felt numb. I know that grief is grief and pain is pain...still, in natural order of this life we do tend to lose our parents and grandparents first. Burying a five-year-old isn't in the usual order of things.

...A couple of people actually told me they could sympathize with our grief because their dog or cat had been hit by a car.

Really?

A counselor at our church - who has suffered more grief than absolutely anyone should ever have to go through - said it is the responsibility of those grieving to help those who haven't. He literally says to people after comments like the ones mentioned, "That comment was not helpful." Can't say that I have ever done this but you never know!

The point? Help those who are grieving by doing what you can to understand grief. It will open your eyes and in turn bless those who are grieving.

Dawn's Light

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:41:00 +0000

I started the Restoration Series by Terri Blackstock a couple of years ago after a friend gave me the book for my birthday. I was immediately hooked. It is one of the best series that I have read. Totally different than any other set of books. My mom was instantly hooked as well. We both quickly got our hands on the rest of the series.

But to be honest, the fourth book in the series has set in my closet for a while. Not that I didn't want to read it. Frankly, I was scared to read it. My mom prepared me that the plot was hard and would bring up memories that sometimes I just would rather not come up.

So, here I am a couple years later, finishing the series. The tears have come and pain has resurfaced. But ever time the pain comes up I see another piece of healing occurring.

In the next few posts, I am going to once again share with you passages from a book. Passages that God is using to heal yet another portion of my heart - yes, even 10 1/2 years later.

If you have not read this series, I highly encourage you to. Even though the 4th book is the one that God has used the most to speak to me, please don't skip ahead because these books need to be read in ordre.