TEN STAGES FORUM NEWSLETTER

You will find favour with someone you don't expect « 10 STAGES RECOVERY EMPATHY PRACTICE

2017-01-27T03:03:00.001+00:00

You will find favour with someone you don't expect « 10 STAGES RECOVERY EMPATHY PRACTICE

PARENTAL ROOTS:We needed parents who realise that all their purposes in existing must be performed in light of how it can help us grow, help us mature, and help us thrive.

2016-06-12T16:25:00.000+01:00

Starting shortly parental roots the twelve roots of dissociation.We really need a child within us who loves us fully. We need a child within who understand us fully. We need a child within who can adequately translate the needs behind our cries…and our coughs…and our silences. We need our child within who is now open to learn all they can learn from us, and we need to learn all this from our relationship with our re-birthed child within

We needed parents who recognise that once they've brought us into the world they must devote their lives to body, soul and us. We needed parents who realise that all their purposes in existing must be performed in light of how it can help us grow, help us mature, and help us thrive.

We needed parents who have spent years in preparation for our creation – years before the sperm and the egg that created me ever met. We needed parents who devoted their lives to the betterment of themselves in mind, body, and spirit. We needed parents who entered the deepest and darkest depths of themselves and resolved the most painful traumas of their own past. We needed parents who no longer live awash in the wounds foisted on them by their own parents. We need parents who have become fully enlightened and no longer store hidden parts of their ravaged selves in their unconscious.

We needed parents who no longer wish for their own parents to rescue them, and secretly expect me, their future offspring, to pick up the torch where their own parents left off. We needed parents who can instead devote the whole summation of their beings toward the betterment of us.

We needed parents who have had me so that they can give, and not take, from me. We need parents who had children out of no other motive than their desire to give back to the earth. We needed the kind of parents who realise fully just how inherently selfish having children is. We needed the kind of parents who would normally never have children…

We needed parents who don’t lie to us – or to them. We needed parents who can be straight with us. We needed parents who can be straight with each other, and have no hidden agendas for us. We need parents who don’t use us as a pawn in their relationship games with others, and most especially each other.

We needed parents who can let us be who We are – and not brag about me. We needed parents who do not see me as an extension of them, and thus do not say “thank you” when someone compliments our beauty. We needed parents who instead say, “yes, you’re right,” and don’t secretly feel self-gratified by my wondrous self.

We needed parents who do not live in fear of their own deaths. We needed parents who live in the moment, because they have integrated the truths of their past.

We needed parents who are youthful in spirit and healthy in body, and who will not abandon us to death before we are ready to stand on our own as an autonomous adult.

We needed parents who raise us in a safe and comfortable and enriching environment – not in the midst of a civil war or a starvation-torn land or a silent room with a television.

We needed parents who, if we are a boy or a girl, wouldn’t dare circumcise our genital organs. We need parents who devote themselves to our health. We needed parents who don’t drink alcohol or take drugs or take unnecessary medications. We needed parents who are sober at all levels of their being. We need parents who would never physically hurt us, for any reason.

We needed parents who love children, and can easily relate to them – and don’t instead force us to relate to them. We needed parents who let us grow at our own pace, and let us be a kid when We need to be a kid. We needed parents who don’t expect adult responsibility of us before we become an adult.

We needed parents who marvel at the preciousness of our existence and realise that we are the epitome of our unbounded spirit. We needed parents who laugh because they feel the joy in our life. We needed parents who know how to have honest fun, and want to include us in it.

We needed parents who have resolved their addictions. We needed parents who are not avoiding the true light of day by being addicted to me. We needed parents who do not project their blocked past onto us, but instead see me for exactly for who We are. We needed parents who do not expect me to love them. We needed parents who know the difference between love and need. We needed parents who are experts on self-nurturance, and by extension know how to nurture us.

We needed parents who are emotional adults through and through – and we need two of these parents. And we need these two parents to also love each other. We needed these two parents to be fully in accord with their holy role as the warden of our growth. We needed two parents who are both willing to go to all lengths to give their best for us. We needed two parents who are both willing to die for us.

We needed parents who can progressively let us go as we progressively mature. We needed parents who can follow our lead and listen to our revisions of the plan. We needed parents who do not go into withdrawal when we don’t love them.

We needed parents who let me get angry when they make errors or do inappropriate things with us – and We needed parents who change their behaviour so they stop making these errors. We needed parents who do not punish us for our honest and healthy reactions, and love us anyway.

We needed parents who understand the meaning of healthy human sexuality. We needed parents who will in no way use us to meet their own unresolved sexual or love needs. We needed parents who will shield us from as much of the hellish impurity of the world as they are humanly able to do. We needed parents who are willing to sacrifice all their own personal comforts to create a nourishing environment for us.

We needed parents who take no credit when the work is done.

We needed parents who would have been our role models.
We need to communicate these facts to our child within as we work the Ten Stages.

Our Recovery is complicated because we pass it through our habitual thought patterns.

2016-06-06T14:05:00.002+01:00

Our Recovery is complicated because we pass it through our habitual thought patterns. When we step back from ourselves, recovery becomes simple. There are not many paths to freedom, there is only one. In the end, no matter what particular patterns of thought we have managed to build in our minds, freedom always means transcending these personal thought patterns.

But how does one go about transcending the personal self and awakening to recovery freedom? What is needed for this journey are succinct stages that are so universal that they can echo through the halls of any religion as well as support intellectual understanding. The following is a universal road map to Recovery.

A. Coming to the Realisation that we are in there.
We must first come to realise that we are in there. From deep inside, we are all experiencing this world. We are experiencing our physical body, our thoughts, and our emotions. We are conscious and we are experiencing what it is like to be human.

B. Coming to the Realisation that you are not okay in there. Something has gone wrong.
Look to see what's going on inside. If we want to understand why we've done everything we have ever done, if we want to see what's really going on, just observe our mind and emotions--just experience our inner state our child hidden within. If we objectively look, we will see that we are never completely at peace. We will see that we are not okay in there.

C. We are addicted to that feeling we're always trying to be okay. Somethings WRONG
At any point when we look at the state of our child within, We will see that something is bothering us. We will then notice that this causes urges, drives, and impulses to do something about it. We will find ourself constantly trying to either get something or avoid something. All of this is done in an attempt to be feel okay.

D. We have taken on the job of figuring out how everything needs to be for us to be okay.
If we watch, we will see that our adult mind is always telling us what we should and should not do, what others should and should not do, and how things should and should not be. All of this is the adult mind's attempt to first create a conceptual model of what would make us okay, and then try to get the outside world to match it.

E. We process how the outside needs to be. This is not going to make you okay.
We must seriously look at this process of trying to be okay. We've been at it our entire life--we've just tried different things at different times. While it's true that sometimes we manage to make it better for short periods of time, we know that we've never even come close to reaching a state of permanent peace. Watch very closely how we react to the things our mind has preferences about. We will see that if our mind gets what it wants, we feel joy; if it doesn't get what it wants, we feel disturbance. Likewise, when our mind experiences what it doesn't want, we feel disturbance, and when it avoids what it doesn't want, we feel relief. We will never be okay playing this game because the world will never match the conceptual model our mind has made up. Eventually, we will come to see that struggling to be okay does not work. At some point, we will try to find a different way to be okay in there.

F. Learn to not participate in the mind's struggle to be okay.
This step is about learning to sit in as the witness, the part of you that notices the child within urges to be okay. We must become comfortable with sitting in there and not participating in the inner dissociations. We learn to relax in the midst of them. We come to see that there is a habitual process in which the moment we feel inner disturbance/dissociations, we are drawn into doing something about it. We must learn to sit inside and not participate in this process. If we truly understand that going outside to try to be okay inside doesn't work, then we'll be willing to sit inside and simply allow the disturbance to pass through. It is not difficult. If we can do this, all disturbance will cease by itself.

G. Learn to go about your life just like everyone else, except that nothing we do is for the purpose of trying to be okay.
If we aren't so preoccupied with trying to be okay, we will be free to sit inside and quietly love, serve, and honour whatever naturally unfolds in front of us. When we reach this point, we are no longer living for ourself. We are interacting with life, but not for the purpose of being okay.

H. As we sincerely let go of the inner energies we are watching, we begin to feel a deeper energy come in from our child within.
Up to this point, everything we were watching inside was in front of us. But now that we are no longer being drawn into those personal energies, we'll realise that our inner universe our child within are actually very expansive. We will begin to feel contact with our child within Spirit. It lifts us and brings us love and joy.

I. our child within experience becomes so beautiful that we fall we experience a profound contact with the energy of our child within, and we develop a very deep and personal relationship with it.
It will become completely clear to us that there is an absolute trade-off between our personal energies and the amount of contact that we feel. The more we get drawn into our personal energies, the less child within we feel. The more we don't participate in our child withins energies, the more recovery we feel. We now have a direct relationship with our child within, and we will find ourself constantly longing to experience it.

J.We begin to feel the energy pulling you up into your relationship with your child within, and our entire path becomes letting go of ourself in order to merge.
Will is no longer needed. Now our path is strictly about releasing ourself into the pull of the child within. We must surrender deeply enough to be able to overcome the fear of losing our connection to the personal self. We must to be willing to die to be reborn.

K. Once you get far enough back into the child within, we realise that our personal life can go on without us, leaving us free to become immersed in our child within.
This is the greatest miracle: We've surrendered and our entire life is about child within, yet people, places, and things continue to interact with us. The difference is that these interactions require none of our energy. They happen naturally, by themselves, leaving us at peace and be absorbed in Loving-Kindness.

L. Now we are truly okay and nothing inside or outside of us can cause disturbance--we have come to an understanding with it all.
Because we are now completely recovered, we don't need anything. Things just are what they are. At this point, we know ourself as Child Within. The world, mind, and heart cannot disturb us. We've transcended them all with the help of our child within. What is more, instead of feeling drawn into Spirit, we now actually experience ourself as Child Within. We have no boundaries in time or space. We have always existed and we will always exist. We have no form, shape, gender, or body. We simply are, have always been, and will always be--Infinite Child Within.

CHILD WITHINS: Hidden Agenda Workshops:

2015-12-21T17:34:00.002+00:00

CHILD WITHINS: Hidden Agenda Workshops: You have big dreams. You feel that you have a big purpose. You know that you can make a massive difference in this world.
There’s just one problem – you don’t have permission to do it.
Yup, that’s right. Permission.
We’ve met many who thought that they needed permission from someone else to live their dreams. It’s like they’ve been waiting around for some board of approvals to say:
GO FOR IT – IT’S OKAY FOR YOU TO SHINE!
The thing is, the world will very rarely give you permission to do anything other than just fit in. Your family may want you to stay the same, to not rock the boat.
You don’t want to be judged or selfish. So you just go along with it.
But, the problem is, each day there is a little voice that whispers to you that there’s something more. But, you don’t have permission from the tribe or the family, so you stay small unrecognised.
That is, until one day, there’s so much pain that you are forced to wake up. It’s like life is saying, “Grow or die.”
And so, timidly you choose to grow, but not too much or too fast – you don’t want to rock the boat.
Here’s the thing – screw the boat.
You have a gift to give to the world. You have a unique voice and talents that can not only improve your life, but the lives of others, too. And playing small doesn’t serve any of us.
You playing small doesn’t serve you. You are meant for more than that.
Playing small doesn’t serve me or anyone else you could help – because we need you to play a bigger game. That’s how you change.
Instead of not rocking the boat, decide to make waves.
So, here’s the good news, and I’m going to say it in CAPS because it’s REALLY GOOD NEWS:
THE ONLY PERSON’S PERMISSION YOU NEED TO SHINE, IS YOUR OWN CHILD WITHIN.

ANONYMOUS CLOSED

2015-12-16T00:01:00.003+00:00

https://www.facebook.com/groups/anonymousclosed/

One of the biggest question at the ten stages is

2015-11-27T11:39:00.000+00:00

One of the biggest question at the ten stages is whether we are going to be able to say a hearty yes to our adventure to recover our child within.

It is by going down into our child within that we recover the treasures of life. Where we have stumbled, there lies our treasure.

When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.

In the Zen tradition, we are reminded that the pathway to enlightenment starts with a beginners mind.

2015-11-27T11:27:00.000+00:00

In the Zen tradition, we are reminded that the pathway to enlightenment starts with a beginners mind.

It’s all over the wisdom traditions that newness and open-heartedness are the paths to freedom.

And yet – we get in our own way when discernment turns into skepticism.

Think about it – what’s a child like? A child is open and in awe of life. From the simplest things to the complicated – the child sees awe in all of it.

And we all started out this way. But – it doesn’t last.

We are open, we are in awe – and then something happens to make us close down.

It could be that our first love doesn’t love us anymore. Maybe there’s violence at home, or something happens in the world that takes away from awe.

And instead of getting discerning and realising that not all life is awe, but a lot of life can be like that – we generalise and close down in order to protect ourselves.

There are all kinds of skeptical stories out there:

All men are jerks.

All women are gold diggers.

I’m too old.

I’m too young.

I’ll never amount to anything.

The list goes on and on.

If we are to transform, if we are to live our recovery, if we are truly able to be of service to others – we must, we repeat, must learn to transform skepticism back into discernment.

Even if we were cheated on by all our past partners – does that mean every partner we ever have will cheat on us?

We close down because we don’t want to get hurt.

But closing down is what hurts most.

How can we open up a little today? How can we begin to see that just because it’s always been that way doesn’t mean it will always be that way?

Can we open up and trust, but also apply what we’ve learned so that we are wiser and better off for it?

Remember, when we numb our pain, we numb our joy – don’t let the fear of getting hurt stop us from living our recovery.

Is skepticism killing our recovery?

If so, what small change in our perceptions could we make today to allow ourself to be brand new in this moment?

Life will prove our fears wrong if we let it.

CRAYOLA: Most of us are conditioned out of our creativity early when we were taught that if we could not make "good art"

2015-11-27T11:03:00.001+00:00

Most of us are conditioned out of our creativity early when we were taught that if we could not make "good art" as children we should not bother at all. creativity overrides the conformity of what we were taught:

The creative process involves intuition, mystery, delving into the unknown, messing around with ideas, shapes, and colours; being willing to play and experiment. And part of the process is to allow feelings to be expressed through all media: the written word, speech, colour, line, form, drama, music. Through this whole process, we find our individuality, self-esteem, and ability to act consciously.

To access Google Hangouts via Gmail you need to have the Chat function enabled

2015-10-17T13:54:00.002+01:00

To access Google Hangouts via Gmail you need to have the Chat function enabled - this is the small 'speech bubble' in the bottom, left-hand corner of your Gmail screen. To access Google Hangouts: In Gmail, click on the 'Chat' bubble in the bottom, left-hand corner of the window.

We are a gentle, moderated friendly and supportive on-line web based community

2015-10-16T01:44:00.002+01:00

We are a gentle, moderated friendly and supportive on-line web based community for the discussion of and exploration of recovering relationships related to the ten stages of recovering the self and understanding our relationship to our child within. Not all forums are public or searchable. Registration is required for full access. Without registration, you can still see that Stagers Webinars is an interesting and informative site to visit!For more information thetenstages.blogspot.co.uk is a site to visit.

“How badly do you want to get into recovery?”

2015-09-16T16:30:00.001+01:00

You've probably heard this “motivational” question before:

“How badly do you want it?”

As in: “How badly do you want to get into recovery?” “How badly do you want your relationship with you to work?” “How badly do you want to have peace and serenity in your life?”

The idea being: if you “want” something badly enough, you’re gonna make it happen.

In my experience: that’s not quite how it works.

As a former addict who spent years “wanting” a better life — but not actually doing much to create it — I know that “desire” doesn’t always translate into “action.”

In order to turn desire into action, you need a mental and emotional turnaround, first.

You gotta take specific stages to resolve whatever trauma is holding you back from making progress — and believe me, we've all got our “trauma.”

From getting screamed at by your 2nd grade teacher, to being teased for being fat, skinny, nerdy or gay, to surviving physical abuse, we’ve all been through “something.”

Until you permanently resolve your “something” and detox the emotional residue from your system? Progress is always going to be difficult — or nonexistent. No matter how badly you want it.

Have you ever had a “reality challenge” from someone you liked and respected, a lot?

2015-09-16T14:58:00.001+01:00

Have you ever had a “reality challenge” from someone you liked and respected, a lot?

Maybe they made an observation about your life, or “called you out” for clinging to a particular excuse when you’re capable of so much more.

We don’t always “enjoy” these little wake-up jolts. Sometimes, the truth can be painful. But from time to time? We all need a reality challenge. We need people to hold us to a higher standard of behaviour — or else we tend to fall short of our potential.

You were born to be happy, to be healthy, and to contribute to the world in a meaningful way. That’s what your child within wishes for you -- and yes, will even support you in your happiness.

You might be a manicurist. You might be a unemployed. You might a mental health problem, you may be addicted to a substance or a behaviour, life coach, a yoga teacher or the director of a meditation centre.

No matter what you do (or dream of doing), you have skills and abilities that can make your child within s life better.

Now here’s the part that might be tough to hear:

It is our responsibility — as a human being — to bring our skills and abilities to communicate with the support of others our child within.

It is our responsibility to relearn to communicate with our child within to release our childs intuitive voice at the highest possible level, helping people, teaching people, inspiring people, at every possible opportunity.

If you hold back — by hiding, procrastinating, giving just 80% of your capacity, or refusing to contact your child within — you are essentially stealing from the people who need you most.

theft of our peace, our serenity our unlimited potential.

That’s what it is.

Tough to hear — but true.

We know that whatever you are currently doing in your world the potential for your liberation is here today

The 10 Stages 'Child Within' Course enrolment starting next Tuesday 1st of September

2015-08-26T17:27:00.001+01:00

The 10 Stages 'Child Within' Course enrolment starting next Tuesday 1st of September for the month of September

at RANE Middlesbrough - St Mary's Centre 12 o'clock

Your reaction is yours to share, and the origin of it, the details of it, are kept confidential.

2015-08-11T23:01:00.003+01:00

To maintain confidence, while still being able to share stagers would be taught that when talking about the group to others you leave all the identifying material about the other member out of the conversation, and you say what got activated for you as a course member .Your reaction is yours to share, and the origin of it, the details of it, are kept confidential.

Are you addicted to being angry or sad and dissociated?

2015-08-11T22:52:00.001+01:00

Are you addicted to being angry or sad and dissociated?

Do you get connection and attention from people by telling your sad story over and over again – but deep down you know it’s time to change?

It’s time to accept what happened and give what happened an empowering meaning. And know that you can get your needs met in healthier ways.

Are you drinking or smoking too much? How is that habit affecting your health and the health of those around you? You say you can stop at any time. Well if that’s the case – why not stop now? How much longer do you want to avoid your feelings and push them down with an addiction that isn’t serving you?

Maybe you are in a relationship with someone who you KNOW isn’t good for you – but you are terrified of letting go and facing the unknown alone. Yet, you know this situation won’t get any better. So you settle for 10% Love that has turned into poison, instead of letting go and facing the fear of being alone. Do you Love yourself enough to let go of this toxic situation, feel your feelings and trust your child within that a miracle is around the corner

Imagine what life would be like if you lived a day, a week or a month without believing or promoting ONE excuse.

2015-08-11T15:55:00.000+01:00

VICTIMISED by life, Imagine what life would be like if you lived a day, a week or a month without believing or promoting ONE excuse. What would your life look like?

We have some pretty ingrained excuses - many of them that seem real to us. There is a difference between an EXCUSE and a description of your current circumstance. We can confuse the two. Usually your current circumstances BECOME an excuse and it's easy to hide behind it because no one can argue with your circumstance. But here at the stages we believe that you are MORE than your circumstance and that you can, through trial, effort and faith, transcend your circumstance. Why? Because you are NOT your circumstance. You are SO much more than that!

Excuses lock you into a victims role, Explanations exasperate it.

You are a perfect child within connected to the Infinity of our Meditational Children and for a short while, you are in this body that you inhabit.

When you identify with The Child Within, with your Source and with your Studies (and not your circumstances), you take the first step in transcending your limitations.

Here are some circumstances that become ingrained excuses:

- I don't have enough (time, money, connections, creativity, etc.)

- I'm too (old, fat, young, out of date, tired)

- I'm not (smart enough, tall enough, wise enough, brave enough, enough)

There are MANY more, but this is a short list. It might be true that this is your circumstance, but you are NOT your circumstance. And the more you affirm and identify with your circumstance, the more you will create it. Because what we focus on is what expands and becomes real in our lives.

So, what if you began to see your excuses not as excuses - but as circumstances? And what if you believed that you are more than and could transcend your circumstance? What would life be like a day, a week or a month from now? What if you suspended belief and took a risk?

What if you trusted the subtle whispering within you beckoning you out into the unknown realm of your child withins dreams and potential?

What if you decided to no longer make your excuses your identity, but instead your circumstance - and then get about the business of changing your circumstance?

Not through painstaking effort, but through meditation, service, solving other people's childhood problems, personal growth and making recovery your bottom line. What if taking the stages out into Faith became the new norm? What if you took total responsibility for your life, right now, as it is? You may not have been fully responsible for what happened to you, but you are now responsible for how you engage with and meet your lifes circumstances.

You are so much more than you are giving yourself credit to be, and you have so much more help and assistance that is yearning to come to your aid, if you but allow it to. Be still.

Listen. Identify with the child locked within, make this a new lifelong practice and then get out of your own way.

Can you? What would your life look like if you did?

Our addictive/dysfunctional behaviour in the past has mystified us

2015-08-09T08:15:00.002+01:00

Our addictive/dysfunctional behaviour in the past has mystified us – except that everyone, INCLUDING US, can agree two simple facts. FIRSTLY, there’s no addiction without ‘thought disorder’, broken sentences, blocked phrases. If you don’t know this, then you fail at the first hurdle, and rightly so. SECONDLY, childhoods matter. OK so far? Problems thinking and problematic childhoods – can you suspend disbelief for a moment and blend these two long established facts, despite what you’ve been taught all your life as the corner stone of a new recovery?

The most important thing for us at the stages is that we are allowed to affirm that our child within

2015-08-09T08:09:00.001+01:00

The most important thing for us at the stages is that we are allowed to affirm that our child within will have the power to take charge of our lives and stop being dependent on others voices for our self-esteem and security

The Ten Stages is a studied recovery course. It is a source of reconnection a method of unlearning and a reintroduction to our child within which leads us back to our one true intuitive voice.We start to learn and come out of our protective dysfunctional shell and reclaim our lives.

Dissociation within groups (being split-off from one’s deepest truth) mimics enlightenment – but it isn’t enlightenment.

2015-08-09T08:02:00.001+01:00

Dissociation within groups (being split-off from one’s deepest truth) mimics enlightenment – but it isn’t enlightenment.

People who are dissociated live in great peace. But this is only because they have blocked their negative feelings. The enlightened person resolves his negatives feelings, and thus his peace is not false.

People who are dissociated do not suffer. But this is only because they have abandoned their healing process and numbed their pain. Enlightenment grows from the fertilised soil of suffering.

People who are dissociated call themselves enlightened. But this is only because they have they have no conception of what enlightenment is. Enlightenment is the polar opposite of dissociation.

People who are dissociated are not easily emotionally ruffled. But this is only because there lies a thick wall buffering their hidden, vulnerable self from the sharp and often honest edges of the world. The enlightened are much less protected, but have such a deep core of self-love that they can defend themselves gently.

People who are dissociated feel they have mastered forgiveness. But this is only because they completely deny the harm done to them – and the damage remaining. The enlightened forgive spontaneously and without effort because they have fully embraced their damaged parts and grieved every honest ounce of their misery.

People who are dissociated are extremely self-confident. But this is only because their self-deceptive armour is impenetrable to self-reflection. The self-confidence of enlightenment is fed by the universal spring of life.

People who are dissociated gravitate naturally toward leadership roles. But this is only because they are experts at leading themselves away from their heart’s true course. The enlightened person leads right to the heart of the matter.

People who are dissociated have gone through hell to get to where they’re at. But they fail to realise that they’re still stuck right in hell. Enlightenment is the freedom of emotional integration.

People who are dissociated feel they have found their true self. But this is only because they equate their true self with no self at all – or at best a false self or ego based on a distorted sense of consciousness. Enlightenment is the true self linked with the conscious mind.

People who are dissociated consider themselves paragons of spirituality. But this is only because their spirits are so buried behind walls of denial that they have no conception of what spirit is.

Enlightenment is the passionate spirit of the child held by the consciousness of the adult.

People who are dissociated are quite motivated, sophisticated, and convincing. But this is only because they perennially risk returning to suffering if they do not convince everyone of their lie. Enlightenment brings a motivation to spread the truth that is everyone’s birthright.

People who are dissociated act decisively. But this is only because they cannot see or question their unconscious motivation. The enlightened person is also decisive, but only because he has no unconscious, because in his healing process it, like a now-useless appendage, has dissolved.

Dissociation is contrary to enlightenment.Behind dissociation lies unresolved trauma, and only once trauma is resolved can the light of consciousness enter the core of our being.

Stagers "We do not talk about what happens in group." Is the mantra the members recite.

2015-08-09T07:24:00.000+01:00

Stagers are often asked to keep what happens in at the stages quiet. We are asked to keep a secret. Therapist and agencies alike seem to think this is is a good idea, with the notion that when someone shares in a group their story would not get out.

But the is exactly the wrong way to go about confidentiality, and yet my experience has been when working for agencies and hospitals, that this is the standard. "We do not talk about what happens in group." Is the mantra the members recite.

But they have to and need to talk about what is going on in group in an effort to heal. The problem is Stagers need guidelines.

What's so wrong about asking Stagers to keep a secret? Dissociation is the primary disfunction of the Stager. This means that we will correct during the ten stage course the original dynamics present in our family of origin. When this happens members of the stagers learn how to assimilate the projections and familiar dissociations instilled by their family, and relate to people in at the stagers as individuals, then the world, in a different way.

But if our family of origin have a family secrets, if dad was an abuser, if mom was alcoholic, and you were told by the family "Not to tell what goes on in this family," Then you are stuck with having to keep the family secret.

Stagers who are told not to tell what is going on in group are then given the same message. Instead of a corrective experience of their family of origin, they are getting the same old thing. Keep quiet about what we are doing to you. As you are probably aware this is the central pathology of cults as well. We don't tell outsiders what we do.

True confidentiality then must take into account the fact that stagers must honour the anonymity of people in the study group, while being taught how to speak up outside the study group about their issues and needs. Here is how this can be done.

At the beginning of a new stagers course being formed the members are given an instruction on how to share information from in the group to the outside. In essence a variety of examples are covered. A typical example would be for a member who has shared deeply in the group that her father's alcoholism ruined the family. He was physically and sexually abusive, and eventually lost his job because of it. In this type of sharing other members would talk about the pathology they encountered in their families.

To maintain confidence, while still being able to share stagers would be taught that when talking about the group to others you leave all the identifying material about the other member out of the conversation, and you say what got activated for you as a course member . Your reaction is yours to share, and the origin of it, the details of it, are kept confidential.

In the above example the member wanting to talk about her reaction to it would say something like: " My study group was talking about problems with addiction in the family growing up, and got me to thinking that my mom was actually addicted to prescription drugs. I'd never thought about it before, but our lives were in orbit around her mood."

In this way the confidentiality of the member sharing the information initially is protected, while the work of the individual talking outside the group can continue. The opportunity to give other examples of the group is done regularly through the sessions, with particular emphasis on reasserting the examples and expectations each time a new member joins. With on-going groups the members give the examples to the new person.

Finally, one of the duties of the Stage Guide is to be clear about what happens if a member breaks confidentiality. This can include being removed from the group, being sanctioned by the group, or being removed from the group for a period of time so that the infraction can be more thoroughly reviewed. Members are encouraged to talk about the issue in group if it feels safe enough to do so, and with a Stage Guide privately if it is not.

The Ten Stages is a studied recovery course. It is a source of reconnection a method of unlearning and a reintroduction to our child within which leads us back to our one true intuitive voice.We start to learn and come out of our protective dysfunctional shell and reclaim our lives.

In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone

2015-07-09T09:05:00.001+01:00

“In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone. True self-esteem and true humility arise out of that realization. In the eyes of the ego, self-esteem and humility are contradictory. In truth, they are one and the same.”

- Eckhart Tolle

We are all creators at the stages, and whether we are creating positively or negatively

2015-06-30T13:00:00.000+01:00

We are all creators at the stages, and whether we are creating positively or negatively, we are always creating something. Creating our recovery in the stages requires a consistent state of emotional well-being that many of us do not understand how to attain.

In order to positively create what you want, you must feel and release trapped emotional pain. This Stages Art Journal Journey through the 10 Stages will support us to focus on and attain what we want to create instead of creating our life from unconscious pain patterns from our hidden past.

This weeks Subject for discussion

2015-06-30T12:16:00.002+01:00

A good parent self-reflects, and uses this as her basis for nurturing those less mature on their journey toward autonomy. A good parent does not exploit others for her own unmet needs, and use her children as the objects for acting out her own unconscious and unresolved childhood traumas. A good parent shares the best of herself freely and willingly, and in so doing builds alliances for all-time, based neither on promises of future back-scratching nor fears of retribution but on love, respect, admiration, and gratitude. A good parent acknowledges that she herself is limited by the buried damages she carries within, but a good parent holds the ideal of full enlightenment as the beacon toward which she grows. And a good parent turns over the reins of power to those she has nurtured when they become wiser and more mature than she. This, and nothing else, is her reward. This weeks Subject for discussion

Please stop by and introduce yourself here.

2015-06-30T12:02:00.001+01:00

Please stop by and introduce yourself here. How did you find us? Why did you join?
Please stop by and introduce yourself. How did you find us? Why did you join?

The Forum is going Live please subscribe

2015-06-30T11:59:00.000+01:00

The Forum

This forum was created to provide a safe, sane place to use, discuss and study The 10 Stages.
We gather together to support each other in healing from addictions, compulsions, and dysfunctional, self defeating, destructive behaviours. We encourage each person to find and revel in their own power, intelligence, self-esteem and strengths. We are here to support each other, but we do not presume to know what is best for another. We realise that all people unfold in their own way and their own time. We learn from each other and draw strength from seeing the courage of others, yet we keep the focus on ourselves. We listen to each other's pain, but we also bond in power and joy and encourage everyone to take the necessary steps to live with respect and meaning in their lives. We are open to all possibilities for healing and finding our internal wisdom and power.

TEN STAGES FORUM NEWSLETTER

You will find favour with someone you don't expect « 10 STAGES RECOVERY EMPATHY PRACTICE

PARENTAL ROOTS:We needed parents who realise that all their purposes in existing must be performed in light of how it can help us grow, help us mature, and help us thrive.

Our Recovery is complicated because we pass it through our habitual thought patterns.

CHILD WITHINS: Hidden Agenda Workshops:

Related articles

ANONYMOUS CLOSED

One of the biggest question at the ten stages is

Related articles

In the Zen tradition, we are reminded that the pathway to enlightenment starts with a beginners mind.

CRAYOLA: Most of us are conditioned out of our creativity early when we were taught that if we could not make "good art"

Related articles

To access Google Hangouts via Gmail you need to have the Chat function enabled

We are a gentle, moderated friendly and supportive on-line web based community

“How badly do you want to get into recovery?”

Have you ever had a “reality challenge” from someone you liked and respected, a lot?

The 10 Stages 'Child Within' Course enrolment starting next Tuesday 1st of September

Your reaction is yours to share, and the origin of it, the details of it, are kept confidential.

Are you addicted to being angry or sad and dissociated?

Related articles

Imagine what life would be like if you lived a day, a week or a month without believing or promoting ONE excuse.

Our addictive/dysfunctional behaviour in the past has mystified us

The most important thing for us at the stages is that we are allowed to affirm that our child within

Dissociation within groups (being split-off from one’s deepest truth) mimics enlightenment – but it isn’t enlightenment.

Stagers "We do not talk about what happens in group." Is the mantra the members recite.

In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone

We are all creators at the stages, and whether we are creating positively or negatively

Related articles

This weeks Subject for discussion

Please stop by and introduce yourself here.

The Forum is going Live please subscribe

The Forum

Related articles