into your tent I will silently creep.

more norris

2006-05-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

Here's video of Chuck Norris reading some of those the new NSA bombshell has hammered home, it's this:">Norrisisms on Best Damn Sports Show. I think it's interesting because neither Norris or anyone on the show really had anything to do with writing those facts. It's also fun to watch how poorly Norris reads them - like it's the first time he's seen any of them.

logos

2006-01-11T18:03:00.000-06:00

These ads make me so happy...and jealous. That's the effect true, genius creativity should have.

poseurs!

2006-01-11T05:09:00.000-06:00

I once skated with the Bad Skaters Club...but I was just too damned good...

drool

2006-01-09T20:48:00.000-06:00

Mmm...Camry Hybrid. Because Brian loves boring cars.

2006-01-05T09:06:00.000-06:00

I don't want to talk about it, either.

stupidish

2006-01-04T15:11:00.000-06:00

For this post, I got totally moded...sort of. I'm making a note of it because I always think it's interesting when a) people who aren't my family or friends comment here and b) those people have something negative to say.

best of tent

2006-01-04T12:09:00.000-06:00

Just for kicks, I thought I'd do a rundown of what I thought were the best posts on this rarely-visited site last year. I hope you enjoy them in an amount inversely proportional to the level of work I put in to them.

January 4: I pee myself.
February 9: BLOG.
February 20: brian + gummi = p.u.
February 23: Malkin knows emo.
March 16: The robotrip fantastic.
March 18: The living end.
March 30: I am not eating a blanket.
July 14: Late Shifty.
August 30: I get Katrina wrong.
September 3: I get Katrina right.
October 13: Channel surfing.
November 24: You got to pray.

Man, going through all my old posts, I realize: this site really isn't very good, and it definitely dropped in quality as the year progressed. But oh well. It goes on.

'sup!

2006-01-03T17:24:00.000-06:00

Alison has a story about seeing Narnia with some snot-nosed teens. I agree, I've just about had it with the behavior of the general public at the movies - you usually just want to say, "Why the fuck are you even here!?!" However, I'm going to copy one of the people she encountered, and every time I enter a movie theater - nay, any room at all - say the following:

What's up all my fellow Asians!

Should this response ever follow:

Then there was cheering.

I'm going to get a gun and shoot myself (as soon as I'm done high-fiving, anyway), because then my life will officially be complete.

tune-down

2006-01-02T21:12:00.000-06:00

I suppose I'm a little late with this, but I thought I'd post a list of my favorite music from 2005. A lot of it's just stuff I culled from the More Cowbell and Pitchfork lists and then downloaded from Yahoo! Music. So thanks to those people for the tips.

I don't know how exhaustive the list is - I haven't been keeping very good track of what I've heard. And they're in no particular order, though I think I'll start off with what I think was the best album of the year:

Shout Out Louds - Howl Howl Gaff Gaff: I got taken totally off guard by this one. Maybe I heard the assorted single on the Current or Drive 105, but I didn't realize just how good these Swedes are until I heard the whole record. "Shut Your Mouth" turned my head and "The Comeback" made me a believer.
Antony and the Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now: Simply gorgeous music. It will make you treasure life, and at the same time dream about your funeral, because this is what's going to be playing at it.
Beck - Guero: I don't think Beck'll ever top Midnite Vultures. But he could at least try. Oh well, even when he's not channeling Prince, instead doing that Odelay-style industrial folk-rap, the man can still make my panties drop. And "Girl" made it very hard for me to not dance in public.
Calvin Johnson - Before the Dream Faded: Like CJ's solo debut, Before the Dream Faded took some time to really grow on me - and there are still a couple songs I haven't completely taken to yet. But the majority of songs that I did get turned on to are enough. Aw heck, even if I hated it I'd put it here just as a testament to Johnson's genius.
Laura Veirs - Year of Meteors: She's got that indie rock girl voice I like so much. Plus she's a hell of a songstress and musician. So it's obvious that I'd love Year of Meteors. Now why does it make me so sad?
Low - The Great Destroyer: Duluth. "Cue the Strings". Got it?
Missy Elliott - The Cookbook: In my book, Missy can do no wrong. Except that video for "Lose Control". That sort of sucked. And I could really do without so much Ciara. But whatever. She still drives me wild.
Morrissey - Redondo Beach: I know, I know, it's a single, not an album in itself. But I still wanted to give it recognition because the reggae-ish "Redondo Beach" is one of Morrissey's all-time best songs, and definitely better than anything on You Are the Quarry.
Mountain Goats - The Sunset Tree: The perfect music to just curl up to. Play "Pale Green Things" at my funeral and then "This Year" when I come back to life.
R. Kelly - Trapped in the Closet: No question. R. Kelly, Man of the Year.
Sleater-Kinney - The Woods: Oh, Corin...
Troubled Hubble - Making Beds in a Burning House: Not a lot to say. I heard it, and it was good. Check out "To Be Alone and Alive".
Weird War - Illuminated by the Light: I bought this on a whim, as I've sort of stopped expecting a lot out of the Svenonius/Mae/Minoff post-Make Up triumvirate. But man...the funk is fresh!

There you have it!

in progress

2006-01-02T19:11:00.000-06:00

If this is the end for Arrested Development, they're definitely going out on a high note.

loving chuck norris isn't as much fun anymore

2006-01-02T11:50:00.000-06:00

There's an article in the Washington Post about the recent Chuck Norris revival. My attitude towards this has been growing with the increasing popularity, and now it's official: I'm pissed. Where were all these so-called fans when I was watching Walker alone (or occasionally with my pity-having sister) on Saturday nights? Or when I was extolling the genius of Sidekicks? Or when I wrote that Walker spec script? I'll tell you where they were. They were pointing. Pointing and laughing.

because in nyc everything is classy

2006-01-02T07:53:00.000-06:00

Funny Improv Everywhere mission installing a bathroom attendent at the Times Square McDonald's. My favorite part was this exchange with the manager:

Manager: You’re sure you got the right place?
Agent Simmons: Are there other McDonald’s in the city?
Manager: (shocked) Yeah.
Agent Simmons: Oh.

(via Kottke)

yeah, if worst means best

2006-01-02T07:25:00.000-06:00

Entertainment Weekly had this on their list of 2005's worst DVDs:

Bass Fishing: The Basics With Chuck Woolery (Razor & Tie, Unrated)
Ever wanted to check out Love Connection's Chuck Woolery fishing in a swimming pool? Well, then you're a glutton for punishment! This angling tutorial features Woolery offering tips on how to entertain your kids "because they have that short attention span that I talked about earlier." (Note: He did not talk about it earlier.) "When I get to heaven," Woolery gushes, "God's gonna say, 'Chuck, you wanna go fishin'?'"

Shit, I'll buy that in two and two! Because when I get to heaven, God's gonna say, "Oh my Me, House, did you see that fucking Chuck Woolery fishing DVD?!?!?"

i can see blue...he looks glorious!

2005-12-31T22:12:00.000-06:00

I hope they do him right in the Oscar montage.

i weep for the future

2005-12-29T12:37:00.000-06:00

One of my big pet peeves is the equation of someone being "smart" with their level of schooling, as I met some of the stupidest fucking people on earth when I was in college. But when pressed for examples, none come to mind. Here, now, is a story showing how college - a "good" college, no less - attendance means nothing when it comes to actual intelligence.

When college freshman Janet Lee packed her bags for a Christmas trip home two years ago, her luggage contained three condoms filled with flour — devices that she and some friends made as a joke.

Philadelphia International Airport screeners found the condoms, and their initial tests showed they contained drugs. The Bryn Mawr College student was arrested on drug trafficking charges and jailed. Three weeks later, she was released after a lab test backed her story, The Philadelphia Inquirer reported Thursday.

Lee filed a federal lawsuit last week against city police, seeking damages for pain and suffering, financial loss, and emotional distress. She was arrested on Dec. 21, 2003, and was held on $500,000 bail and faced up to 20 years in prison had she been convicted of the drug charges.

"I haven't let myself be angry about what happened, because it would tear me apart," Lee said. "I'm not sure I can bear to face it. I'm amazed at how naive I was."

Funny, so are we. Now, is naive the right word for what she did? Maybe, on some level. But to me it just seems flat-out retarded. Why not write "TNT" on some red candles, strap them together with electrical tape, and throw that in your suitcase as well?

I might be the person in this country most against the idea of tort reform, that we need protection from an overflow of frivolous lawsuits. Admittedly, I don't know all the details of this person's case, but if it's as it seems on its face, she really should not get compensation. Just like if you make a joke about having a bomb at an airport, and they arrest you, you can't sue them saying, "It was only a joke!" You just need to learn that airports aren't the best places to pull pranks.

bad movie night

2005-12-28T21:36:00.000-06:00

Dave White has a very funny rundown of the year's best worst. They've all been added to my Netflix qua. Here's the choicest line, on Crash:

I know the scene where Racism pushes Sandra Bullock down a flight of stairs deserves some kind of award.

Take that, Cheadle.

(via Defamer)

gag-gle

2005-12-27T21:51:00.000-06:00

If you ever feel like being pissed off, check out the official Google Blog. I don't know about you, but I can't fucking stand reading about how awesome it is to work there. I definitely don't have it too bad at my office, but still: how does it enrich the outside world to know that they're being fed free gourmet meals and dicking around with silly putty? Bah, I say!

UPDATE: Ok, I guess I'm no longer pissed. Linking to that post on the Google blog totally spiked my traffic. So thank you Google! I once again bow down before you!

sha-doobie-doo-bah bah-bah

2005-12-27T21:38:00.000-06:00

This is pretty funny.

(via Waxy)

two no six no twelve baker's dozen!

2005-12-27T16:08:00.000-06:00

Story of Lazy Sunday.

Yeah, I bought the shirt. So?

let the students ruin their education

2005-12-27T13:42:00.000-06:00

Oh, John...

"Let the student decide." With those well-chosen words John McCain summed up his view on the teaching of "intelligent design" along with evolution in public schools.

That's just super. Why don't we let kids craft all their own curriculum? Oh wait, the senator recognizes that that wouldn't be such a hot idea:

McCain probably wouldn't champion the same letting-students-decide approach for, say, homework or blowing off algebra. No matter. He came across as an entirely reasonable and rational father figure on MTV.

Clearly.

Sigh...is this guy seriously going to be our next president? He is so zero-zero.

(via Daily Kos)

in my dreams last night i was eaten by a dinosaur

2005-12-27T08:21:00.000-06:00

It was pretty freaky. Guess that's payback for my previous post.

so original

2005-12-25T21:50:00.000-06:00

Well, it had to happen: Dinosaurs is coming to DVD. Can you believe we as a country bought in to this show? The Honeymooners strained through the Cosby Show, enacted with giant dinosaur muppets? Truly a dark period for America.

I did not know, however, that Ms. Lucille Bluth did the voice of the mom-osaur.

"richard donner"

2005-12-24T10:00:00.000-06:00

WHERE IS CHUNK!?!?!

(via Digg)

little red lie

2005-12-24T08:43:00.000-06:00

My face is as red as the Communist tome a student was not visited by authorities for borrowing from a library. Yeah, that story I linked to a couple days ago turned out to be a hoax. Embarrassingly for me and the tons of other bloggers who bloviated about it, but thankfully for everybody else.

avoid dayton...moreso

2005-12-24T08:33:00.000-06:00

Good God!

The Ohio Patriot Act has made it to the Taft's desk, and with the stroke of a pen, it would most likely become the toughest terrorism bill in the country. The lengthy piece of legislation would let police arrest people in public places who will not give their names, address and birth dates, even if they are not doing anything wrong.

WEWS reported it would also pave the way for everyone entering critical transportation sites such as, train stations, airports and bus stations to show ID.

Shouldn't Ohio be concentrating on making itself a more appealing place to visit? This is a nightmare! It wouldn't make people safer, just intimidate them (and most likely piss off a large number of them.) But, it does seem to be the direction we're headed lately.