There’s enough time to do something just because you enjoy it, even (or especially!) if it’s not productive.

There’s enough time to really be present with the person in front of you, instead of thinking about what you have to do next.

There’s enough time to cook a great meal, even if it’s just for you.

There’s enough time to take a walk with no plan and no watch or cell phone.

There’s enough time to scrap your to-do list for today, or just this afternoon. You can do it later – if you have to do it at all.

There’s enough time to read about some new topic just for the joy of learning.

There’s enough time to relax in bed and do nothing for a while.

There’s enough time.

Life’s not just about getting to your destination as fast as possible.

The only destination we’re guaranteed to get to is The End, and so the true waste of time isn’t being unproductive, it’s completing tasks like a robot and missing out on your own life.

It’s too easy to lose sight of living when all you’re focused on is achieving. You realize you’re just running frantically forwards, looking at the horizon and ignoring the world around you, and you don’t even know why you’re doing this anymore.

Must check off all the boxes! Must squeeze something useful into every moment! If you’re not getting things done, you’re wasting time.

Which is obviously the worst thing ever, if some people are to be believed.

So here’s a permission slip.

For myself and for anyone who needs the reminder sometimes.

“Waste” time. Enjoy yourself. It’s okay. You don’t need to justify it to anyone. You don’t need a reason… it’s your life, and that’s reason enough.

Detouring off the road doesn’t mean you’re going the wrong way. Some of the best things in life can only be found by wandering off the direct path and seeing where you end up.

You might come back refreshed and renewed and bursting with enthusiasm, or you might discover a whole new way of getting to where you want to go, or you might find a new destination entirely.

You might just enjoy yourself for a while.

It’s all okay. There’s enough time.

What would you do if you believed that you had enough time?

I just got back from a much-needed trip to see my family across the country, which wasn’t supposed to be as much of a vacation as it ended up being. I was rather overly optimistic about the amount of work I’d get done while away, and underestimated how much disrupting my daily routine would affect me.

This was actually a good thing.

I’ve known for a while that my current systems and routines for getting work done in my daily life were a tangled mess.

But when you’re stuck in the rut, it’s hard to see the problem much less the solution.

Instead of trying to force myself to do everything I had planned, I got the necessary things done and took the time to give my systems and routines a good hard look and an overhaul.

What are you doing because you think it’s what you should be doing?

Sure, resistance comes up even when you’re doing something that you love doing. That’s a topic for other posts.

What I’m talking about here is setting yourself up to struggle instead of working with your strengths and preferred working style. Working against yourself instead of with yourself.

Effort is necessary to do your best work, struggle is not.

What else can you do?

In grad school I had a certain routine for writing papers (same as in undergrad, although I wasn’t as good at it then). I would read a lot and get all my sources together and know basically what I wanted to say, and then write the whole paper in a two-day spurt right before the deadline.

Not because I procrastinated too much, but because I wrote my best papers like that. It all came together in an exhilarating rush, and then after an edit and a proofread to catch most of my run-on sentences and overuse of commas, I was done.

Leave starting it too long and it was too stressful at the end, start it too early and it ended up being a mediocre paper because I got sick of it before I even got close to finishing it and then overanalysed it to death.

This process works for my projects now that I’m out of school too, but for some reason I resist that fact.

But I have to be a Real Adult now not a procrastinating student, right?

Which of course means that I can’t work the way I did when I was in school. I have to work properly now.

Except… that’s silly because part of what I love about entrepreneurship is not having to do Real Adult things like work at certain times or follow a given procedure just because someone said I should.

Results are what matters, and there’s no supervisor looking over my shoulder making sure I toe the line.

Except for me.

If I work best a certain way, why not work that way?

I like to get things set up, then let myself loose in a big rush.

I like short projects with definite ending points. Looking ahead at work stretching on with no end in sight is the best way to induce a fit of procrastination for me.

I get into the flow when under pressure, as long as I feel like I know what I’m doing because I’ve prepped beforehand.

Complete and fairly extended breaks are totally necessary to restore myself after doing this.

Why try to make myself develop staying power and end up burning myself out when I do my best work in short sprints?

Well, there’s no reason except that chipping away at a project is considered normal and doing things at the last minute is looked down upon. Almost everything I do, even the long-term stuff, can be broken down into sprints.

And wanting to be normal is not a good reason in my mind to do something that makes me less productive and also miserable.

This was a major “duh” moment and a breakthrough for me. I don’t have all the details figured out, but I’m okay with that. Figuring yourself out doesn’t happen all at once, it’s a constant process of trying something and seeing how it works, then trying something else.

What works for you?

Maybe you work best with a detailed step-by-step plan complete with flowchart, and having no plan is disastrous.

Or maybe the only plan you can stand having is written in brightly coloured markers on Post-It notes, and too much detail makes you panicky and uncreative.

Whatever your preferred working conditions and methods, knowing them and making them happen as much as you can will help you do your best work.

The standard advice isn’t necessarily right for you.

Everyone knows that. But then we just kind of slide into the mold, and wonder why it chafes.

The standard advice to set aside an hour (or a few hours) a day for writing doesn’t work for me. But I can’t just drift along hoping that the muse will throw lightning bolts of inspiration at me consistently enough to do this as a career.

I have to set up the conditions for me to do my best work and trust in my process.

Then, I need to take a step back and have a good look at what’s working and what’s not working, and edit as required.

So do you, although your ideal method of working might be completely different from mine. No matter how you work best, set yourself up to succeed and then get out of your own way.

I’ll talk about getting out of your own way in a future post. For now… how do you do your best work? What’s worked for you in the past? Have you been surprised by it?

I used to find it easier to keep silent than to speak. I avoided sharing my dreams and my fears, my viewpoints and opinions, even innocuous personal details. It made me uncomfortable when I had to share something about myself.

Why bother? I thought. Opening up just leads to trouble and stress, and I don’t want to have to constantly defend myself against people who want to judge or change me. Better to just drift through life invisible, unnoticed and unchallenged.

Nobody can hurt me then, right?

This is still hard for me. My first reaction is often still silence, not speech.

I’m envious of people who can’t seem to resist speaking their minds about everything. People who’d rather tell an inappropriate story or a joke that falls flat than just sit there staring at the floor. People who if you’ve met them then you remember them. You might love them or hate them, but you have an opinion.

Sometimes I’m so annoyed by people like that, but if I’m being honest it’s mostly because I’m jealous that at least they speak, even when they screw up. They don’t keep their mouths shut because someone might disagree with them. They’d rather stand up alone than sit down and shut up like everyone else.

And too often I’m the one sitting there staring at my hands while other people talk, lurking on the outside looking in, trying so hard to be invisible and then being surprised when nobody sees me.

Why not say something?

Asking myself this question has been really helpful, because I realized my reasons pretty much boiled down to “I’m scared of what people might think and I don’t want to put in an effort.” I’m privileged in that I don’t live somewhere where my opinions put me in danger every day. It’s only my fear holding me back.

It’s not exactly something I’m proud of. But I’m sharing it here because I think that lots of other people stay quiet for the same reasons.

Why I’m working on this

I know that if I want to be successful as a writer, here on this blog and in my fiction and everywhere else I write, I can’t be generic. I can’t be invisible. I have to be honest, I have to be real.

If there’s anything I’ve learned about online business, it’s that people like and trust real people, not faceless brands, and nobody will find you if you don’t put yourself out there to be found. I know I’m more likely to listen to and buy from people who are open and authentic and always themselves, even if sometimes I disagree with them.

But ultimately, it’s about becoming more myself.

Sure, I want to be successful and recognized as knowing what I’m talking about. But none of that would be enough if I couldn’t live with myself and respect the person that I am.

The more I try and be invisible, the more I become like a ghost to myself. It becomes hard to tell where I stand and what I think, because I’m just blending into the background.

When you stay silent, all you hear is other people’s voices.

Standing up and speaking is about having the guts to see a problem in yourself or in the world and then change it, rather than let life sweep you along. And for me it’s about inspiring others to do the same — and not just inspiring, because you can be plenty inspired and not lift a finger, but helping people believe that they too can change and they too have something to say.

If you’re keeping quiet, what you’re saying is that you’re fine with the way things are. You’re saying you’re fine with letting other people speak for you. And I’m not.

I’m not okay with the injustice in the world. I’m not okay with it when people aren’t allowed to be themselves. I’m not okay with the idea that life is nothing more than you’re born, you work, life’s a bitch, and then you die.

Changing this tendency of mine takes a lot of practice, but I’m working on it and getting better at it. I would never have written this post before, as one example.

You don’t have to yell from the rooftops. I’ll never be a super-outgoing, life-of-the-party kind of person, and I don’t want to be. Speaking your mind can be as simple as being more open about your goals and your idiosyncrasies and your opinions. Sharing when you want to share, not hiding and avoiding.

What’s important is building up the habit and building up your voice, so that you’re making a real choice about staying quiet, rather than being silent by default.

How about you?

When people talk about their dream lives, it often sounds like they expect everything to be perfect once they’ve really made it. Whatever that means.

We all do this to some extent. I’m definitely guilty of this one. And sometimes it can be fun to imagine how awesome it will be when you’re rich and famous.

But it becomes a problem when you romanticize your dream life so much that it’s no longer a life that you could ever see yourself living.

Like this…

When I’m a Real Writer, I’ll love my work all the time. When I’m a Real Writer, my life will always be interesting and enjoyable. When I’m a Real Entrepreneur, all my business decisions will be perfect and I’ll never screw it up and I’ll always be rolling in money.

Nobody’s life is like this, even the people who seem like they should have it all. Thinking that things will suddenly be perfect once you reach a certain level is only setting yourself up for procrastination and avoidance and disappointment.

Sure, your life will change if and when you start living the way you really want to be living.

But you’ll still always be yourself.

You won’t magically transform into Someone Who Has It All Together. You won’t get to a point where you’re done striving. You won’t have all the answers, and sometimes you’ll feel like you don’t have any answers at all. You’ll still make some bad decisions and you’ll still let some things slide when you shouldn’t.

You living your dream will still be you living your life.

That can be kind of terrifying, but also kind of liberating.

Up close, your bright and shiny dream is still just life, even though it might be very different than however you’re living now.

There are scuffed bits and tarnished bits as well as beautiful bits. It’s worn a little in places. It needs some care and attention or it’ll fall apart. Sometimes it will feel like you’re holding it together with duct tape and willpower.

We get scared of getting too close, scared of living the lives we want, partly because we fear that the big dream can’t stand up to close scrutiny.

I used to have such a skewed idea of what being a professional writer would be like.

I thought the words would always flow, perfect sentences just dropping from my fingertips, and everything would be fame and fortune and magic and rainbows.

Hah!

Now that I know successful writers and am working on becoming one myself, I know differently. It’s a pretty frustrating and difficult and unglamorous job which sometimes makes you want to punch your computer and/or curl up in a ball and cry and never come out again… except when it’s everything I ever wanted and more.

Maybe keeping your illusions seems easier than actually living your dream and finding out that living is still hard, even when you seem to have everything you want.

But illusions aren’t easier. They’re just less obvious about being difficult.

Don’t settle for something you don’t want because you know everything can’t be perfect. The key is to realize that you won’t suddenly become a Real Artist, and just make art instead. In your daily life. Whichever way that it works for you.

It’s not about the Dream Life vs. Real Life. It’s about your life.

What would your daily life look like, if you were living your dream?

I spent too much of the first quarter century of my life afraid of everything, and especially what other people thought of me. I hid from my dreams, as if that would make them go away. I shut off parts of me, first from the world, and then even from myself.

It led me into the depths of self-hate and despair. Into the certainty that I could never get it right, never be enough. Into the belief that I was damaged somehow.

I’m sick of that shit.

Maybe you’ve been there, or someplace similar, and you’re sick of it too.

I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to self-destruct anymore. I don’t want to wake up and realize I’ve spent another year or my whole life as a zombie, just existing and consuming and not thinking.

Maybe you don’t want to do that either.

I’ve been working my way away from that for a few years now, and I still don’t really know what I’m doing, much less have it all figured out.

Part of me hates that, wants to have my life all set out in a 5 or 15 or 50 year plan, logical and precise. I sometimes wish that I wanted the standard life script path, with the decent salaried 9-5 job, the white picket fence & the 2.5 kids.

But I don’t.

I want to write. I want to explore, both out in the world and inside myself. I want to reach people openly and honestly, even when that’s kind of raw sometimes. I want to forge my own path, no matter what. I want to fling myself at life, and create something shining new.

It’s messy, sure. Maybe wanting it makes me a bit crazy. It can be intensely painful and sometimes so scary that it’s nauseating. It’s also exhilarating and freeing and beautiful.

If you’re reading this blog, you probably have some crazy dreams too.

Perhaps you want to create your own career, or really go for it with your art, or drop everything and travel far from everything you’ve ever known – literally or metaphorically.

Maybe you’re denying or postponing or watering down your dreams because you think you’re too weak or not worthy or just incapable of making them a reality.

What I want to say here is this:

Do it anyway, even if you’re just taking tentative sideways steps in the direction of your dream because you can’t bear to look at it straight on (yet). Time passes no matter what you’re doing, and soon another year will have gone by.

If you don’t change anything, you’ll still be where you are now after that year.

Everyone knows that, of course. But yet we let things slide. We get into a rut, and climbing out just seems like too much work, so we decide that the rut is actually kind of okay, once you get used to it, and as long as you don’t look up.

I used to think I needed to get myself all figured out before I could do anything. When I was ready, and had everything I needed, and the stars aligned juuuuust right, it would be time.

But it’s not possible to have it all figured out, not if you’re growing and changing and really living. The time will never be right. Freedom is messy. Life is messy. Living is a work in progress, every day until it’s over.

I’m looking forward to living the rest of my life.

If this made you think, I’d love to hear what you’re thinking, here in the comments, on Twitter, or at christina [at] introspectivecreative [dot] com.

I learn so much about myself every time I really listen to how I talk to myself, actually pay attention to my uncensored and unorganized inner monologue.

Lately I’ve been trying to get rid of the word should and all variations of I can’t. Especially when combined, these thoughts lead to a downward spiral of frantic avoidance for me.

You know, the kind of avoidance where you feel like you need to read everything ever written on the internet before you can start on your to-do list.

It sounds like this:

I really should be editing my short story, but I can’t because there’s that glaring plot hole that I’m not sure how to tackle, and I’m never going to figure it out because I can’t write and so it’s unavoidable that this story will be a failure and I should be doing “real” work…

Oh look, someone posted a link on Twitter that looks vaguely interesting – must read immediately!

Spiraling & looping.

Those thoughts are really insidious. And really unhelpful.

Also, really common.

Maybe you don’t have a short story with a glaring plot hole or a problem with the words should and can’t. If you’re anything like me though, you have some particular thoughts that lead you on a downward spiral, or thoughts that are like you’ve got a playlist on loop in your head.

Most people know this, but they just let it play over and over without trying to change it or indeed without really hearing it.

Listen…

When you’re feeling stuck and are procrastinating, what are you saying to yourself?

When you’re feeling downright crappy, what thoughts are running through your head?

And also… when you’re feeling good, what are you thinking?

It’s easy to focus on the bad, especially if you’re the kind of person who tends to dwell on things, but you’ll have thoughts that you repeat to yourself when you’re feeling good too.

[Insert mood here], what are you saying to yourself?

You might think of course I know what’s in my head. But I guarantee you’ll be surprised by something in there.

Changing the playlist.

Ask yourself: Are those thoughts helpful or are they making things worse?

Once I starting paying attention and then watching for them specifically, I was really surprised by just how often I thought about things I should do or fixated on what I can’t do (such as… every few minutes while writing this post!).

Noticing these patterns is the first step to changing them.

Sometimes you can break the loop just by realizing that you’re doing it again. Or by having a sudden realization that the thoughts you took as true are not really true at all, or so based in fear that they’re just making things difficult for you.

You can also find out where the loop starts and intervene sooner, before your mood starts to follow the thoughts down down down.

More on that in a later post. But for now… I’d love to hear about your thought loops and what surprises you about them.

Photo via chazoid

I used to run a mental health website called Towards Emotional Health… until right before the new year, when I closed it suddenly and vanished to Figure Stuff Out and start this blog.

Vanishing is generally bad, and I wish I’d closed the site with more of a transition. But the change itself was needed and good, even though I avoided it and pretended everything was fine for far too long.

The beginning

When I started Towards Emotional Health my thought process went like this: I know mental health, from work, university, and life. I want to be an entrepreneur, and here’s a niche that I know and that’s in demand. No-brainer, right?

And it seemed to be for a while.

I had some articles up that I was really proud of. Traffic started to snowball. People emailed me to tell me how helpful my writing was, which was pretty amazing. Everything was going my way, and I was so sure that things would take off and it would all be good.

But…

Something wasn’t right.

I struggled to work on the site. The people who emailed me seemed to think I was a different person than I was, and were looking for something that I didn’t want to give. I helped them as much as I could, but it was hard. When I thought about growing the site or working on products, I just felt trapped.

I figured I was just having some kind of mental resistance. I’m an old pro at dealing with mental resistance, so I should be able to deal with this, right?

The more attention I got the worse I felt. A number of people who I really admire complimented me on my writing and on my message. But what I had wasn’t really what I wanted them to see.

I started reading more blogs about being authentic and living your own way, and I hung around on the outside of communities and discussions, wanting to join in but feeling like I didn’t fit.

Then, I couldn’t avoid it anymore.

My old site was with Site Build It* and it was coming up for renewal in the first few days of January.

It was decision time.

I realized:

What I was doing wasn’t and couldn’t be my best work, and that’s a disservice to my readers and to myself.

I was playing it safe. I was not being true to myself.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but it wasn’t what I was doing.

I let the site expire, and then I freaked out a little.

For a couple of months.

A lot of soul-searching later, here I am.

Introspective Creative is designed for flexibility and freedom – the name itself is a description of me and the people I want to connect with the most.

All the things that I want to talk about can fit here, all the stuff that really makes me feel alive.

The difference is amazing already, and I’m really excited for the future.

Change is hard, but not changing when you need to is harder.

We all know that, right? And yet, when faced with the need for a hard change, avoidance seems so much easier.

This isn’t just true for websites.

How often have you let some situation or relationship or thought pattern go on long past the time when it started strangling you?

How often have you thought it’s not so bad, I’ll just stick it out a while longer?

Even if things seem good on the outside, and even if you are being useful and helpful, it’s draining to try to be someone you’re not.

Ultimately, it’s being less than what you can be, and life’s too short for that.

Have you ever avoided a big change like this? How can you tell when something you’re doing isn’t working for you? Tell me in the comments!

_{*I’m no longer an SBI customer, but I still absolutely recommend them for content sites. Lots of useful tools and information there, just not for me.}