introversion

gulp

2012-03-06T11:27:00.001+08:00

the most anticipated day's finally coming. i was really out of my head early this year, thinking what might happen when i receive the result. where will i go? am i going to fail? because right now, my future lies on that piece of paper i'll be getting tomorrow.

but now, i dont feel nervous at all. in fact, i dont feel anything, i'm numb. considering what happened in the past few days, it's safe to say that i've pretty much lost a bit of hope. *sigh* for now i'll just wait and see what happens.

The End.

2012-03-05T00:01:00.002+08:00

the most devastating thing happened today. you see, i've been in a relationship for more than 2 years now. i never really liked him when i first met him. but after a while, i developed a strong feeling for him. after an accident back in 2009, i realized that he might be more than just 'a guy'. i decided then, that i would stick with him til the end.

loyalty means so much to me. nuff said.

Arachnophobic.

2012-02-20T20:37:00.002+08:00

Have i told you that i'm arachnophobic? okay, i am.

Based on Wikipedia : Arachnophobia or arachnephobia (from the Greek: ἀράχνη, aráchnē, "spider" and φόβος, phóbos, "fear") is a specific phobia, the fear of spiders and other arachnids such as scorpions. People with arachnophobia tend to feel uneasy in any area they believe could harbor spiders or that has visible signs of their presence, such as webs. Some people scream, cry, have trouble breathing, excess sweating or even heart trouble when they come in contact with an area near spiders or their webs. In some extreme cases, even a picture or a realistic drawing of a spider can also trigger fear. Arachnophobics may also be afraid if they are touched by or touch an object that feels like a spider.

i have this extreme fear of spiders, in case you dont know. and cockroaches, too. and beetles, and bees. insects la, in general. especially those creepy crawlers. ESPECIALLY SPIDERS.

funny thing happened this morning. i woke up and got ready to send my mom and sisters to school. you know how cold it is early in the morning, right? so as usual, i started the engine and open up the windows as i didnt want to turn on the aircond. after dropping off my sisters, i continued driving until we reached this small roundabout. and as i looked to my right, there was a HUGE spider, crawling in through the opened window.

i started screaming, you have no idea how much i wanted to get out. but since there were so many cars behind, i had to continue stepping on the gas even though i wasnt even looking straight. i didnt even realize that i was already leaning on my mom. and i did all that driving-with-half-of-my-body-on-the-hand brake while screaming my lungs out.

my mom went panic, she was afraid that i would hit the car in front of us. teeheee. she told me several times that the spider had already gone out, but i couldnt believe her. i immediately stopped in front of a shop, and i was shaking, while looking back to the window. yes, the spider's gone. then i closed the window as fast as i could. it took almost a minute to stay calm before i continued driving.

i ended up spending the entire way with both hands on the left side of the steering wheel. my feet were shaky and i used only half the seat. when i reached home, i turned off the engine, crawled to the next seat, and got out.

moral of the story : don't let your windows opened.

lucky number 4

2012-01-12T23:25:00.001+08:00

i seriously couldnt sleep last night; was anxiously thinking about MUET. i kept having thoughts, that made me even more nervous! i know, it's useless to think of all that at this stage. yalaaa. bukan boleh buat apa-apa lg kan? but i couldnt help it, i couldnt stand the anxiety. thank god i didnt kill myself. haha

i started staring at my phone this morning, 10 minutes before 9 a.m as i wanted to know the result ASAP! when the time turned from 8.59 to 9.00, i was like this crazy monkey; jumping up and down. after a few, no, A LOT of times sending the same message to mpm, i finally got the result.

Keputusan MUET:
Band: 4

i was screaming, and jumping, and running around in between these tiny spaces in my room. i was so excited. honestly, i never see it coming, considering how much mistakes i've done for the test. i wasnt confident with any of the papers, all of them were equally tough.

i was expecting to get band 3 since i screwed up some of the papers, namely speaking and writing, and listening. *ok, so, 3 out of 4 papers -__-" plus, my english isnt good enough. so, yes, i know where i stand. but the point is, i'm thankful. syukur alhamdulillah.

Malaysian University English Test

2012-01-09T23:51:00.001+08:00

today's highlight?

i found out the result for end of '11 MUET will be out on 12th Jan 2012. that is three days ahead! gila! i was literally shaking like hell when i heard the news. seriously! i still am! i was even running around the house, sampaikan my mom pun panic.

mem : kenapa ni? (tinggi suara)
me : meeeeeeemmmmmmmmm!!!
mem : kenapaaaa?!! (mata makin besar)
me : result muet keluar hari khamis!
mem : *muntah

that's how it went. except for the part yang dia muntah la, i made that up. hahahahahha.

but seriously, i'm still shaking. honestly, i dont think i did well on the test. and for now, i dont think i have the strength to re-sit for another; not after what i've been through. it was tough, i tell you. i was almost crying when i sat for the listening test. i couldnt hear a thing! i even wrote down 'visual game' when, of course, obviously, it was 'video game'. pshh. ada ka patut.

2012-01-07T01:59:00.000+08:00

"We read to know that we are not alone."
- C.S Lewis

wear the old coat and buy a new book.

2012-01-07T01:35:00.001+08:00

sejak last day STPM hari tu, i'd been thinking about what i should do selama cuti ni. at first, i was planning to get a part time job, tapi, ntah la. there are a lot of things to consider before making my own decision. so, sementara menunggu result, i decide to do what i love most - reading.

recently, i borrowed a few novels from my aunt. honestly, i'm not a big fan of malay novels. bukan apa, novel melayu ni kebanyakannya, er.. faham-faham la kan. "kan ku panjat gunung Everest, kan ku berenang di Laut China Selatan.... " tu yang bikin geli kadang-kadang. hehe. but dont get me wrong, i do love malay novels.

so last week, i finished reading this book :

i was immediately drawn to the book when i first saw it. the front cover looks interesting, and tidak nampak jiwang sangat. teeheee. still, i was a little skeptical back then, before i started reading. you know what they say, dont judge a book by its cover. but i ended up reading it anyway. hahahahahaha -_-"

it tells a story about this girl, Intan Asha Areen who ran away from home after she saw her fiance going out with another girl. perempuan ni, anak orang kaya, tapi dia pergi satu rumah ni, untuk jadi maid. that's where it all began. anak tuan rumah tempat dia kerja tu, Emir Jihan, selalu kacau dia. and since Areen, herself, is quite stubborn, selalu la dorg gaduh. of course, in the end, he fell for her.

overall, i enjoyed it. it has a great storyline; i couldnt stop laughing, especially when they're fighting. hahaha *teringat balik time-time dorg gaduh. heheee.

so far, i have about 3 to 4 novels that i havent read. jangan risau la nano. you have more than enough time to finish them all. insyaAllah.

05/01/2012

2012-01-06T01:10:00.003+08:00

for the last few weeks, i've been having fights with him. i have to admit, it's normal for us to fight but this time, it's gotten worse. i dont know why, but i just thought that i've tried my hardest to keep this relationship going, yet, it didnt seem to affect him in any way at all. even after i tried clearing things out, he would still put every single blame on me. it made me feel somewhat useless and eventually jump to conclusion that i'm probably, just probably, not good enough *sigh

so yesterday, we went out for while. he wanted to meet me - to talk about our relationship. it was hard, honestly. i was literally out of my mind when he started talking about his feelings and all. it's tough, you know? when you've done so much for that someone but it feels as though all the things you did means nothing to them. ugh. i have so many things going through my head, i just dont know how to put them into words.

anyway, he gave me flowers - again. it was sweet, very sweet. i'm just glad they're not real. i've had enough dead flowers hanging in my room -_-"

truth is, yes, i do have feelings for him. but for the time being, i'm .... confused. i'm scared, i'm afraid that things will go back to the way it was. we may be joking and laughing today, but who knows what'll happen tomorrow?

thank you for the flowers ♥

Papa i ♥ u

2012-01-03T18:58:00.007+08:00

yesterday we went to 1Borneo to watch Papa i ♥ u. ok, seriously, at first i thought it was gonna be a great movie. biasa la, trailer punya la main best. skali tgk real, straight ja muka aku -_-" sebenarnya we wanted to watch Alvin & the Chipmunks 3. teeheee. tp x ngam timing, so we ended up watching that movie instead. it was.... okay. and for the first time, there werent any villains. odd. even the girl's father is nice. i was like, 'hmmm, knapa baik bapak dya tu?"

after watching the movie, we went to meet my grandparents and my aunt's family. lepas dari sana, we went to Segama, utk makan durian. i know, pelik. it was my first time eating there. tp best jugak la, rasa mcm tourist kejap. haha (apa kaitan makan durian bawah jejantas di Segama dengan tourist?)

ignore my sister's face. lol.

nampak tapau polystyrene tu? see, i dont really like durian. so i bought kuey tiaw goreng and some fried fishballs. ngeheehh. *malu x pndai makan durian.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T00:01:00.002+08:00

Thanks for the memories ♥

Hello

Please be nice to me.

funny.

2011-12-31T19:43:00.001+08:00

just when i started to have this crazy desire to blog again, something went wrong with our streamyx. HAHAHAHAHAHA. true story *muka serious

today's the last day of 2011. in just a few hours, we'll be stepping into a whole new year. rasa mcm kejap ja kan setahun nih. makan, tidur, bangun kejap, baca buku, makan lagi, and in my case, pegi skolah kjap, absent besok hari, lusa datang lagi. heh. well, 2011 has been one of the toughest year in my life - so far. while A LOT of my friends got into universities, I, on the other hand, had to spend another year and a half in school. and to top it all, i had to face the hardest exam ever - STPM. haih, malang sungguh nasib orang x brapa pandai nih.

moving on. plans for new year? none. yes, my life is miserable. i'll be spending this night with my sister yg sentiasa perasan cute and my brother yg gila komputer. while my dad is out with his friends, my mom and my other sister will be attending a wedding ceremony. and again, as usual, i'll be playing the most important role in the family, as the babysitter. yeaaayy, bestnyaaa!

speaking of new year, here's my new year's resolution :

1. lose weight

that's just about it. hahahahaha. seriously *muka lurus. i'm planning to exercise more considering that i've been gaining weight for the past few months. i've lost 6 kgs early this year. but now, i feel uhh... heavier? hehe *senyum malu-malu. and i'm aware that it's not normal for someone of my height to have this weight. ok, cakap straight to the point la kan, orang pendek (like me) mestilah ringan kan? kalau pendek, tapi gemuk, macam2 la penyakit nanti. which is why, i'm gonna start exercising ASAP. tomorrow mungkin start laahh *semangat ja lebih.

but anyway,

a little about me.

2011-12-29T02:06:00.000+08:00

hello.

i'm a girl (in case you didn't know). being the eldest child in the family, i have to always, and i mean always set up good examples for my brother and sisters. but for now, i guess they have to try to be one, without looking up to me. why? bcause i'm currently unemployed. ha-ha. not a great example, i have to say. but, well, you see, i'm still waiting for my STPM result. so, ada alasan la. hihi *sengih-sengih*

i've been blogging for 3 years now. however, due to my busy schedule (konon), i've never stick to one particular blog at a time - except for tumblr (hehe, sorry blogger).

i find it 'hard' to update a blog as often as i could. as i said before, i'm a very busy person *angkat kening* i've had more than 4 blogs - which i rarely update. as a matter of fact, i dont even remember the last time i updated those babies. hmmm. was it 2 years ago? but anyway, this time, i tell you, i'm gonna give it my all! *semangat meng-update blog yang membuak-buak*