And yet, I made a difference. As I looked out my apartment window, I could see lights flicking out all over the city. That’s the part I like best – immediate gratification – I can see that we’re actually accomplishing something.

But I got a surprise. My upstairs neighbours are not introverts. Their first choice is not gentle silence and dream weaving. Their first choice is inviting great crowds to celebrate Earth Hour with them. I got the impression it was their entire extended family – certainly those were children dancing, or maybe jumping on and off sofas.

The great event began early for them, at 7pm. They turned their sound system super-loud; my walls and floor were vibrating, not only with the bass but also with the lyrics, which is unusual. They laughed and caroused and be-bopped until 8:30pm – the Earth Hour. Then they turned everything off  – and got out their own instruments. They sang and laughed and partied and jumped on and off sofas for an hour. At 9:30pm, they went back to carousing with electricity. Mercifully, at 10pm they turned everything off and went home (10pm is the cut-off point for noise in my building).

So I didn’t get to dream weave during Earth Hour. I pondered the different approaches of introverts and extraverts and wondered how we could enjoy each other.

My husband even said, “I didn’t think there were any perks to  being a wallflower,” to which I replied, “You need to read The Introvert Advantage!”

Well anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. The characters and the story were interesting, the acting was good, and it was especially fun to see Emma Watson in a role so totally different from Hermione Grainger. But in terms of fulfilling what the title (and the description on IMDb) promised, I was frankly a little disappointed.

To me, Charlie (the main character) wasn’t an introvert – he was a young man with a mental illness – and that’s a stereotype we’re trying very hard to dispel, that introversion and mental illness are somehow interconnected.

Charlie’s self-esteem and mental well-being hinged very much on his interaction with other people. He needed and wanted to be popular. He didn’t crave alone time, or even seem to value it very much. Yes, he was quiet, but that in itself doesn’t define him as an introvert.

Yet, I suspect that many of us can relate to this line:

I know who you are, Sam. I know I’m quiet… and, and I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you’d know what I really meant. How, how much we’re alike and, and how we’ve been through things…

Overall though, the movie was great, and it’s easy to see why it has won nine awards and been nominated for 22 others.

Have you seen it, or read the novel it was based on? I’d love to know what you thought of it.

But still people would not understand -

“Don’t want to talk” does *not* mean “I don’t like you!”

Although not as meaty as the best-sellers mentioned above, Insight contains lots of worthwhile information, both for extraverts trying to gain a better understanding of the introverts in their life and for introverts who may be struggling to find their place in an extraverted world.

There’s an excellent explanation of the difference between shyness and introversion,  as well as an in-depth look at the valuable role that introverts play in society and the business world. Speaking of business, there’s also an entire section devoted to entrepreneurs, which is not surprising, as the book is essentially a compilation of posts from Buelow’s popular blog, The Introverted Entrepreneur.

Because of its bloggy origins, the book is written in a conversational style, which makes it an easy read, especially since each chapter is essentially its own entity. I’d have liked it better had the author taken the time to edit the content thoroughly when converting it into a book, as certain parts just didn’t “feel” right to me. For example, it’s my opinion that “I titled this post…” should have been changed to say “I titled this chapter…” and that “since this is November” should have been changed to “since it was November when I wrote this” (if it was even necessary to keep that part in).

Despite my possibly petty complaints, I found it thought-provoking and well worth reading. It’s perfect to pick up and read a chapter when you have a few minutes between activities, and it’s short enough to read in one or two sittings if that’s your preference.

Have you read Insight: Reflections on the Gifts of Being an Introvert? What did you think of it?

I asked: “Does being mindful help introverts to act and feel more true to themselves?” Does this then lead to increased well-being? This query stemmed from a premise that introverts may feel more pressured than extroverts to act inauthentically. Many of us know that extraverted behavior is often more valued in our society. In other words, introverts may consciously or unconsciously feel pressure to “act like an extravert” in order to achieve well-being.

The results showed that authenticity was a mediating influence on the “mindfulness and well-being” pathway for both introverts and extraverts. In addition, it was found that the self-alienation facet (reversed) was the only unique mediator of the Authenticity facets for introverts. None of the three Authenticity facets was unique for extraverts. This facet included such questions as: I feel out of touch with the ‘real me’, and I feel as if I don’t know myself very well. This result suggests that, compared with extraverts, feeling in touch with one’s true self is particularly important for introverts.

These results provide alternative avenues of exploration to other studies (e.g., Fleeson, Malanos & Achille., 2002) that have focused on “acting like extraverts” to increase well-being for introverts. Hopefully future research will continue to elucidate the experiences and motivations of introverted individuals!

So how can mindfulness help introverts? My research suggests the importance of experiencing and acknowledging our total internal experience – physiological states, emotions, and thoughts. This acceptance of our internal experience, especially of negative internal experiences, is vital to honoring our authentic selves.

For more information, research, discussion, and resources, I would love for you to visit my blog. You can find me at mindfulness. authenticity. introversion.

Julie

Photo courtesy of Icrontic.com on flickr

Reference:

Fleeson, W., Malanos, A. B., & Achille, N. M. (2002). An intraindividual process approach to the relationship between extraversion and positive affect: Is acting extraverted as “good” as being extraverted? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83, 1409-1422.

1. If you find it difficult to approach others, offer to sit at the registration desk or greet people at the door at networking events. You’ll get to meet a lot of people without stepping so far outside your comfort zone.
2. Offer to speak. I am very uncomfortable networking in large groups, but if I’m there as a featured expert, it’s very different.
3. Arrange to meet with others one-on-one over coffee or lunch. This allows you to build deeper relationships, and you’ll be much more relaxed.

If you let introversion or shyness keep you from networking, you may miss out on some great business or career opportunities!

What is your favourite networking survival strategy?

Illustration courtesy of idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Susan over at Quietly Fabulous has eight great ideas for party survival:

1. Plan ahead.
2. Find another introvert.
3. Hide.
4. Escape plan.
5. Be patient.
6. Say No.
7. Have a sense of humor.
8. Be yourself.

For more details and additional resources, read 8 Tips For Introverts To Survive The Holidays.

What do you do when you find your energy flagging at a party?

Have you found ways to leave a party briefly, to recharge and return?