How to make conversation?

Knowing how to make conversation is critical if you want to build a relationship - a romantic relationship, a personal relationship, a social relationship or a business relationship - or if you want to help sell yourself for a job … get ahead … make a sale.

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Want to know how I rated? You’ll have to go to my blog to find out!

But if you’re an introvert who has also identified yourself as an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) — I’d like to let you know about some things going on this fall.

A gathering of HSPs is scheduled in Phoenicia, NY in early October. 70% of HSPs are introverts. If you’ve ever wanted to meet others like yourself in real life, this is a wonderful chance to do that.

You can find more info here.

And you can sign up here.

For HSPs in the Pacific Northwest, there’s also a new network site for HSPs who live in Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Alaska, and British Columbia. You can find that here.

And last but not least, if you’re not sure you fit the description of an HSP, but you’d like to find out, you can take a self test here.

I probably won’t make it to the NY gathering (although I know some great people who will). But I’m part of the Pacific Northwest group, and it would be fun to see some of you there.

There can be a downside to having this much flexibility. When you’re not forced to step outside your comfort zone from time to time, you deprive yourself of valuable opportunities to grow, personally and professionally. Here’s an example.

Read the rest of this entry »

In her blog post, What’s Your Story?, Meg describes the process of drafting a 3-5 minute synopsis that you can have on tap when someone asks you to “tell us a little about yourself.” You know that situation is inevitable, so why not be prepared? You’ll feel more at ease, and you’ll be more interesting too – both of which will help you to network more effectively.

As an introvert who has been self-employed for six years, I can absolutely relate to Keith’s comments and agree with most of them. I’ve been to a few networking events where I slipped out as early as I could because I was overwhelmed by the crowds and the activity, and because I felt I’d already taken part in as many conversations as I could manage. However, I’ve been to many more where I was among the last to leave. This is how I’ve made networking less painful:

1. Choose smaller, more structured networking events. I’ve found that breakfast meetings work well for me. For one thing, it’s usually a smaller group than you’d find at after business cocktail party-type events. With less time devoted to “mix and mingle,” instead of choosing between a series of brief interactions or being a wallflower, I can engage in an extended, and often meaningful, conversation with the person next to me. In addition, since many typically aren’t “morning people,” the chance of getting inundated with sales pitches is minimized.
2. Don’t play the numbers game. A lot of people (probably extraverts) try to exchange business cards with as many others as possible, but I don’t see this as true networking, which is about forming and building relationships. Instead, I make a point of catching up with people I already know and introducing myself to a couple of new people. If I don’t feel like talking to someone, I don’t. I consider it a big deal if I come home with three business cards. After all, for us, it’s not about the quantity but the quality of the relationships.
3. Plan in advance what I want to say. This applies especially to my 30-second self-introduction. Being prepared helps to eliminate some of the anxiety around having to stand up and introduce myself.

There are lots of other networking tips for introverts on this blog, so if you hate networking like Keith does, I hope you’ll find some suggestions that will make it tolerable, and maybe even enjoyable!

On her blog Don’t Be Shy, Dee has written a number of articles discussing the difference between introversion and shyness. One which really caught my eye is Introverts don’t like small talk and other interesting facts. It’s a quick and easy read, and perfect to share with your extraverted friends and family members who just don’t understand you. Be sure to bookmark the site (or add it to your RSS feed) so you’ll remember to go back and read some more – I know I will!

Here are some other ways that introverts can really tap into their strengths when promoting their products or services.

1. Do your research before you meet with a potential client. If you’re well prepared for your meeting, you’re less likely to find yourself at a loss for words.
2. Ask open-ended questions and listen to what your prospect has to say.
3. Write awesome follow-up letters for optimum results.
4. Establish your credibility by blogging, writing articles, or speaking to small groups.
5. Build relationships with journalists who will be happy to tap into your expertise, giving you free exposure at the same time.

For more information about any of these strategies, read An Introvert’s Guide to Marketing and Selling like a Pro.

My list of 230+ friends seems insignificant, however, in comparison to the lists of some of my colleagues with online businesses. One of my contacts has over 3000 “friends” on her list, and it grows every week. As it happens, I have had business dealings with this person, but I’ve also received friend requests from people I’ve never heard of. Sometimes they include a note to explain why they want to connect with me, but often they don’t even do that. When I check, these people usually have 800 or more “friends” already. To me this type of activity has about as much value as attending a large networking event and running around and exchanging business cards with as many people as possible, hoping that sometime, somewhere, something may come of it. I find it much more valuable to take the time to get to know a few people well enough that I will feel comfortable sending referrals their way, and hopefully they may do the same for me.

Which brings me to the question – is this amassing of “friends” an extraverted thing? Or am I missing something?