Investigation Discovery : Stupid Criminals

Sandwich the Full Story Into Your Busy Day

Photo: Jupiterimages

Two Charged: Conspiracy to Build Hoagies

Jack Huber — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 09:30:00 -0400

There is no such thing as a free lunch.

Well, there used to be one near Rochester, New York ... but police put an end to that.

All told, this heist operation of heroic proportions went on for two years, according to defendant Mandy Minnitte.

Here's the dish:

Mandy claims that she was tabbed by local bar owner Antonio Celeste to steal various lunch meats and cheeses from the nearby Giant Eagle store.

These would become the raw materials for the bar's hoagies, subs, heroes, po' boys, blimpies or whatever your particular locality names its gigantic lunch meat sandwich.

When she delivered the deli delights, Antonio paid her half the value.

We assume that the bar owner passed the savings onto his customers. So everyone was happy except the Giant Eagle.

But finally, Ms. Minnette was caught in the act of liberating $43.82 worth of deli goods and faces misdemeanor counts of retail theft and conspiracy to commit retail theft.

Mr. Celeste, the alleged brains of the operation, has publicly denied the charges. However, he filed paperwork to plead guilty and receive one-year probation under a program for first-time offenders.

For the benefit of those of us not in the legal profession, Antonio is basically saying, “I didn't do it, and I'll never do it again.”

Park Yourself Into the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Bad Idea: Shooting Heroin in Cop Parking Lot

Jack Huber — Wed, 27 Jun 2012 09:38:01 -0400

Ilyass Nabih and Thony Sengsoulya started out being responsible citizens.

In Lawrence, New Hampshire they drove to their local police station to report an accident they were in earlier that day.

But it all went stupid from there.

Their initial misstep was pulling into the first parking space they saw.

The one with the big sign spelling out “Marked Patrol Vehicle Parking Only.”

(The marked patrol vehicles to the left and right of them should have been a dead giveaway.)

The clueless duo's next mistake was pausing for a little break before entering the station.

For that break they chose the pause that refreshes stupid criminals the world over: a spot of heroin.

A patrolman walked up to them mid-fix, and asked the obvious question:

“You're shooting up right in front of the police station?”

To which Mr. Nabih replied:

“I know, I messed up.”

Messed up, indeed.

And you know what they say ... messed up, shot up, locked up.

(Okay, people don't really say that, but maybe we'll start something here.)

Step on it for the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Speeders Caught With 253 Pounds of Pot

Jack Huber — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 09:30:00 -0400

Criminals really need to choose very carefully exactly which laws they will break.

Ignoring all of society's regulations just won't work.

A case in point:

Two women driving through a construction area near Bozeman, Montana were clocked at 51 mph in a 35 mph zone.

Most likely, just 4 mph slower would not have resulted in a stop, but as it was they were pulled over.

As the trooper questioned Xiao Meng Ma and Lan Luo, he detected the faint smell of marijuana emanating from their rented Chrysler van.

He also noticed several duffel bags that appeared to be full.

Naturally, further investigation ensued.

The duffel bags were found to be filled with 200 vacuum-sealed smaller bags of marijuana, and a “significant” amount of cash was also found in the van's glove compartment.

Federal charges of possession with intent to distribute carry a maximum prison sentence of 40 years and a $5 million fine.

The moral for criminals in training: When performing one major-league crime, try to avoid any minor-league violations.

Also ... that's way too much pot to be carrying.

Take a Peek at the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Guard Was Full-Frontal “Sexting” Former Inmate

Jack Huber — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 09:30:00 -0400

Broward County jail deputy Thomas Robitaille has avoided serious repercussions as far as his job goes.

Sure, he admits that the nude dude on Lauren Anderson's phone is him, but ... well ... here's how that happened:

Thomas met Lauren when she was a Broward jail inmate under his supervision.

Actually, she was a frequent resident of the facility, having been convicted of such criminal enterprises as possession of cocaine, theft, battery, contempt of court, violating a restraining order and DUI.

But Deputy Robitaille was beguiled nonetheless.

Once Ms. Anderson was released the two struck up a phone relationship.

They sent text messages to each other and shared photographs for about a week and a half.

That's when Thomas sent his (almost) nothing-left-to-the-imagination, full-frontal nude picture to Lauren.

But there were two problems.

First, although he went to great effort to leave his face off the picture, he forgot that his intricate full-sleeve tattoo was as unique as a fingerprint.

And second, Lauren had sold her phone to a fellow inmate who detested Deputy Robitaille.

Naturally, that inmate could not wait to go public.

The officer escaped serious punishment only because Ms. Anderson was not under his care at the time of the texting.

But there's one last thing.

When Thomas tired of his phone girlfriend, his breakup strategy was to lie to her that his father had just died.

So … naked for all the world to see, or cowardly faking a dead dad to end a relationship … you be the judge of the more mortifying behavior.

Photo: Jupiterimages

Parents Plant Drugs on PTA President

Jack Huber — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 11:28:24 -0400

Like the snake and the mongoose, parents and teachers are often Mother Nature's perfect instinctive enemies.

Where mommy or daddy see spirited individualism, Mr. or Ms. Instructor see Johnny or Jenny Troublemaker as the next Bonnie or Clyde.

But this case started out differently.

Two years ago Kent and Jill Easter's son was crying when they picked him up from at his Irvine, California daycare center.

The boy said that PTA president Kelli Peters had left him alone for 20 minutes -- an accusation Peters denies.

Did the parents confront Peters? Did they complain to the school board? Did the two (who both happen to be lawyers) go to court for satisfaction?

Not exactly.

Instead, just after midnight several months later, Kent Easter allegedly drove to Ms. Peters' home and placed a bag filled with Vicodin, Percocet, marijuana, and a used marijuana pipe behind the driver's seat of her unlocked vehicle.

[Note: This behavior is NOT part of the curriculum in most reputable law schools.]

Next he dialed 911, claiming to be a concerned parent who had just witnessed an erratic driver parked at the elementary school.

Investigation proved that the PTA president was in a classroom when the dangerous driving was reported.

Police knew something was very curious, and they soon identified the vindictive Easters as suspects.

The couple face charges including one felony each of conspiracy to procure a false arrest, and conspiracy to falsely report a crime. If convicted, Kent and Jill are looking at a maximum of three years in prison.

That's a lot longer than 20 minutes to leave their little boy all alone (but maybe he's better off).

Bogart the Full Story

Fire Away at the Full Story

Photo: Thinkstock

Mad as Hell Drunken Lady Shoots at Passersby

Jack Huber — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 09:30:00 -0400

“Passersby” ... isn't that a cool word?

Anyway, here's the story:

Two guys were walking to a local store in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

They stopped to chat with a friend, and noticed a woman staring at them very strangely from her bedroom window.

As the conversation progressed, they just barely saw, from the corner of their eyes, that the bedroom lady had reached under her pillow and removed a gun.

Hmmmm.

That seemed rather odd, but then maybe she was just ... yikes! ... all of a sudden 49-year-old Frankie King emerged from her home, started screaming incoherently at the men and fired a shot that flew directly between them!

The targeted pair made the wise move and skedaddled.

They hid out in some tall grass as Frankie continued to look for them, firing a shot into the air just to show the boys that she still cared.

Neighbors called the authorities, and once in custody she measured out at 0.012 blood alcohol content, well over the drunken level.

Ms. King was charged with two counts of attempted murder, possession of a weapon during a violent crime and use of a firearm while under the influence.

No reason was given for her outburst.

If we were defending her we would stash a DVD of Network in her collection and go with The-Movie-Made-Me-Do-It defense.

Sink Your Teeth Into the Full Story

Photo: Altrendo Images/Thinkstock

Man Bites (Police) Dog

Jack Huber — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 09:33:29 -0400

It's lesson one in Journalism 101:

“Dog bites man, not news; man bites dog ... big news!”

And so in Wilmington, North Carolina, 22-year-old Travis Glaspie can say that for one short day he was big news.

It seems that Travis was wanted for outstanding warrants associated with firing into an occupied vehicle.

Of course, who among us hasn't made that mistake?

Witnesses say he rode by on a bike and fired two shots into a car occupied by a man and a woman.

Amazingly, neither occupant was injured, and Mr. Glaspie pedaled away.

He was soon tracked down and when he ran, police deployed Maxx, a K-9 officer to chase.

Once the runner was caught, there was an interspecies struggle of great proportions. Travis bit the dog's ear so badly that the animal needed several stitches.

For his part, Maxx got in some bites as well.

Each was taken to his respective medical treatment center and is expected to recover fully.

Travis was charged with assault on a law enforcement animal, resisting arrest, assault on a law enforcement officer, property damage and possession of a scheduled six controlled substance. His bond was set at $1,025,000.

That may be the most expensive bite since the $99 hamburger at DB Bistro Moderne restaurant in Manhattan.

Photo: Thinkstock

Forbidden Love: Busted for Sex With Teddy Bear

Jack Huber — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 09:40:17 -0400

It gets complicated when childhood best friends become lovers.

No one knows that better than Charles Marshall.

The Cincinnati man has been charged for the fourth time with pleasuring himself in public with (we're assuming) the same lifelong friend, his teddy bear.

Two years ago, there was that awkward first blush of carnal knowledge that got him busted in the gentleman's restroom at the local library.

Shunned by society's moral code, the two were ordered to “stay away from all Hamilton County public libraries.”

But even in the face of naysayers, this is a committed relationship.

Twice more in the next year, Charles and Teddy were arrested for their scandalous public displays of affection, more formally described as “masturbating using a teddy bear in a public place where minors were likely to be present.”

But stuffed love will not be denied.

This time employees at a health club witnessed the sweethearts performing the physical act of love in an alley.

Here at Stupid Criminals we are in favor of love in all its forms, but if the words “get a room” are occurring to you right now, you are probably not alone.

Embrace the Full Story

Sketch Out the Full Story

Photo: Photodisc

Graffiti Gang Foiled by Goofy Haircut

Jack Huber — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 09:30:00 -0400

Here's the problem with being a teen rebel:

Your brain is not fully formed.

You tend to do stupid things at approximately three times the rate that even the dumbest adults do.

Police in Logan, Utah received about two dozen reports of “tagging” done on various local businesses, all over the course of one weekend.

(Reports state that all the messages were “similar in nature,” but don't give the details of those messages. So feel free to conjecture to your heart's content.)

The stupid started when four youths decided to grace buildings that employed surveillance cameras with their graffiti.

It reached its height with one particular lad spotted on the video, who authorities described as having a “unique haircut.”

How unique?

Well, before they could even match faces through their records, they matched that haircut atop a young man walking down the street.

The stylishly coiffed graffiti artist was questioned, and soon gave up the other three.

They face charges that carry a little surprise, courtesy of the state of Utah -- a gang enhancement that will raise the severity of those charges because three or more people were involved in a criminal offense.

The suffering for their art has begun.