Iranian idiot

2009-11-12T15:14:00.005+03:30

876
Outta Get Me

I read it once somewhere that a foreigner said: "Religion" and "Politics" are two topics in which two arguing parts - meant me vs. these people you see - would never reach an agreement. This is Iran! "Islamic Republic" of Iran! The republic part has got nonsense lately! Plus they don't clarify which type of "Islamic" it is either: Cop's Islam, or Old women's Islam. There's always been one thing for sure: Every time somebody stepped in god's shoes or act like hands of god, everything has gone critical! Imagine, they put 2 causing disagreement topics together and call a whole country with it! Me included! Shit! This is labeling me! This is a shitload of politics and religion before a simple goddamn name that's only 4 freakin' words! This makes it Iran, the most political religious country! If you watch the news, you see there is a lot of "Republic" going on in here! Streets, smell like republic! People have republic breath! Everywhere smell like republic! This much of Politics and Religion is too much for me! Seriously! It's even much more than the extent that one needs for disagreement with this country! Believe me I had already reached the disagreement with it, before all these! I swear! This extra mass is just overloading, It's overflowing! It's more than needed! It's over weighting! It's getting dangerous! Dammit: This much politics are deadly! Way too much that can get me and you killed! It will get us fuckin' killed and those 6 bullets in your goddamn revolver is not gonna get us anywhere, you idiot! you understand???i

يه جا خونده بودم كه يه خارجي گفته بود: "مذهب" و "سياست" دو مقوله اند كه دو طرف قضيه - يعني من و اين هايي كه مي بيني - هيچ وقت در آن به توافق نمي رسند. اينجا هم ايرانه! "جمهوري اسلامي" ايران! "جمهوري" اش كه معلوم نيست! منظورشان از "اسلامي" بودن را هم كه اصلا براي آدم روشن نمي كنند: اسلام پليس، يا اسلام زن هاي پير؟ فقط يه چيز مشخص بوده: هر وقت كسي جاي خدا يا دست راستش نشسته همه چيز بحراني شده! فكرش را بكن دو مقولهء غير قابل اشتراك بين افراد را كنار هم بگذارند و با آن همهء يك كشور را صدا كنند! منم توش! اين يعني برچسب زدن به من! يعني كلي سياست و مذهب قبل از يه اسم ساده كه لعنتي فقط هم 4 حرفه! يعني ايران، سياسي ترين كشور مذهبي دنيا! اين روزها اخبار رو ببيني، كلي "جمهوري" داره توش اتفاق مي افته! خيابون ها پر از بوي جمهوريه! دهن مردم بوي جمهوري ميده! همه جا بوي جمهوري ميده! اين مقدار سياست و مذهب براي من زياده! جدي مي گم! حتي بيشتر از مقداريه كه يه نفر براي به توافق نرسيدن با اين كشور نياز داره! باور كنيد من قبل از اينها هم به اين عدم توافق رسيده بودم، قسم مي خورم! اين همه حجم اضافه فقط داره سربار ميشه، داره سر ريز ميكنه! بيش از حد لازمه! داره سنگيني ميكنه! خطرناكه! لعنتي: اين همه سياست كشنده است! اونقدر زياد كه من و تو رو به كشتن مي ده! به كشتن مي ده و اين 6 تا گلولهء توي ريوالور ات هم ما رو به هيچ جا نمي رسونه احمق، مي فهمي؟؟؟

2009-11-04T03:25:00.004+03:30

875
Part of personal history

It's this year's very first November Rain.i

4 years ago,
I could only play this song with Piano,
Later On,
I got to play it in a real church!i

Time passed!
It was one of those days
I suddenly found the sympathy with my guitar
I found the feeling to feel it
And Which tunes I would enjoy playing with it?
Slash's Tunes!i

I was so into it...
There were nights that I would play all along till sunrise,
Till my fingers burn,
Till my thirst would subside!i

Until I found out that he's coming to this region,
I worked my ass,
sold my soul,
my pride
for the money!
But It was Okay
Since there were just Iranians,
The Type of people who live totally different lives than mine,
yet anonymously earning every single penny
till I got the money!i
In all those despairing days
when you're just a loner Rock n' Roller
On that fucking road, every single day
when you have nothing left to believe in
But your Guitar
And Your Rock n Roll Soul...
So I packed up my things and went abroad to that Velvet Revolver show.i

That Very Velvet Revolver Show!i

I'm not gonna tell you how I got there
or How I sneaked into the meet and greet room!
I just did it!
It Just happened!
I did get to meet with Slash in person!
I did sit right next to him
I did put my arms around him
I did take a picture with him
And I did take his autograph
and his autobiography book
and I did have a few words with him!i
And by the way,
Of course I saw this Man's performance,
Like none of those 15,000 people did!i

This is something you'll never got to know how it feels!
Something that you'll never understand!
Something beyond words
Something beyond life
It's not a matter of praising a Guitar Icon
It's a matter of the greatest inner satisfaction
from the depths of your... heart, soul, whatever you can ever call it,
When the other night,
you're stoned in your bed,
thinking about what you experienced,
One great personal achievement,
Greatest of the great beliefs,
with the biggest smile on your face,
like your muscles got hurt...i

You're the only one who knows...i
And you're the only one who feels...i

***

And here I am now:
Friend's Bad ass Rocker Dude!
I play "November Rain" With My Guitar,
With the Video on
Thunders flashing through the window
And the sound of rain drops
and that fresh smell of rain,
My curly hair is as long,
and my soul is as wild...

I take that very special Cigarette, I kept for a year,
And I play the whole song,
once again, like I have never did this great before!i

Like I never played November Rain, this great before!i
Like I never played November Rain, this great before!i
Like I never played November Rain, this great before!

***

In this very moment,
I have every intention to say:
That I've achieved anything
Slash Sake!
I even have my very own curly hair!!!
and I can mimic most of his greatest tunes!

There is only one great wish left here,
The greatest of all:
finding my very own guitar playing self

2009-11-02T19:55:00.009+03:30

874

پارازيت ايديتيكال: قصهء جنبش قرمز رنگ خال خال سفيد شورت مامان دوز عمهء ايديت

فردا كه بهاي قبض هاي برق 4 برابر شود
زامبي ها به خيابان ها مي ريزند
و به خوردن يكديگر مي پردازند.

اين وسط
موسوي و طرفدارانش
در پي پس گرفتن 13 آبان
و مناسبت هاي انقلاب هستند.

تو هم كه جديدا
نماز جمعه و راهپيمايي برو شدي!

من هم كه هنوز احمدي نژاد،
با آن استعداد خيره كننده خود و اطرافيان اش
كـاراكـتر مورد علاقه ام است!

افاضات آقاي گنجي را دريابيد
كه هنوز غلطي نكرده، دولت تعيين مي كند!
توي دهن اين و آن و يكي پشت سرش و ياروي 4 طرف آن طرف ترش هم مي زند!
طوري حرف مي زند كه ايديت را به فكر مي اندازد:
جـنـبـش سـبـز
- با انواع طرفداران اين طرفي، آن طرفي و بي طرفي اش در ايران و خارج از آن -
بالاخره مال آقايان موسوي، گنجي و... است،
يا مال مردمي كه برگ راي شان زير درخت آلبالو گم شده؟

در اين حال و روز
ايرينين ايديت پيشنهاد مي دهد:
فردا اگر زامبي ها شما را نخوردند
يا فردگرايي ايراني تان تك تك شما را به زوال نكشاند
حواستان به انقلاب سبزتان باشد
رنگش چندان مهم نيست
مهم انقلابش است:
موجودي كه مي خورد، بچه هاي خودش را!

اگر رنگ سبز را ازتان گرفتند
نگران نباشيد!
شانس اين را پيدا كنيد كه از انقلابش جان سالم به در ببريد
اگر با اجل هم كنار بياييد
آن وقت ضرورتا طبق گفته هاي آقاي گنجي
مي رويد رنگ ديگري انتخاب مي كنيد!

براي ايده از رنگ شورت مامان دوز عمه تان الهام بگيريد
و اگر نمي توانيد دامن عمه تان را بالا بزنيد
مهم نيست!
رنگ شورت مامان دوز عمه ها به طور پيش فرض
قرمز خال خال سفيد است!

در آخر اين را همواره در ذهن داشته باشيد
چه رنگ سبز مال شما باشد
چه مال آقاي گنجي و بستگان محترم وابسته،
شما مردم عزيز
صرفا يك ابزار بوده و هستيد!
مثل ميخ
گرچه سر شما به طور بالفعل ضرب چكش را حس نكرده باشد.

2009-11-01T03:31:00.002+03:30

873
Hell-O-Win Special

Happy Halloween!i

It's 3:17 here
and you are listening to our rummy cheers from the very Haight Ashbury!
In this smoky atmosphere
me and all my allies
are walking on the edges on our lives
Mid-20's Style!i

in this eastern society
who needs halloween
when I have your face
and you have mine to bear all the time?i

sign.: Your favorite nightmare

هالووين مبارك!

ساعت 3:17 دقيقه است
و شما صداي هياهوي سرمست ما را از Haight Ashbury الهيه مي شنويد!
در اين فضاي مه آلود
من و تمام همراهانم
داريم بر لبهء زندگي هاي مان راه مي رويم
به سبك نيمه هاي دههء دوم

در اين جامعهء شرقي
چه كسي به هالووين نياز دارد
ماداميكه من ريخت شما،
و شما ريخت من را پيش چشم داريد؟

امضا: كابوس مورد علاقهء شما

Oh By the way!i
You know our comment section, so...i
Trick or treat!i

راستي!
بخش كامنت را كه حواستان هست؟
Trick or treat!i

2009-10-31T22:03:00.002+03:30

872
This is NOT a bittersweet note

in my very own recent discoveries,
I've figured
That I Listen to Nirvana, anytime I have conflict between my feelings.i

در جديدترين يافته هاي دروني مان
كاشف به عمل آمديم
نيروانا را زماني گوش مي كنيم كه تعارض احساسات پيش آمده باشد.

2009-10-31T03:12:00.001+03:30

871
Sevenfold Serenades

Free Physical Service
to any spot of your body!i

Call Us!i

سرويس فيزيكال رايگان
به تمام نقاط بدن شما!

فقط با يك تماس!

2009-10-30T02:48:00.002+03:30

870
Burn

There is something wrong with me these days
I'm feeling "OKAY" with my everyday life routine...i

اين روزها يه چيزيم شده
احساس مي كنم روتين روزهام خوب و عاديه...

2009-10-24T16:55:00.002+03:30

869
Mr. Idiot's Having A Good Day

Let's See What I am doing today...
Emm... Nothing!
But I was doing the same thing yesterday!
Yeah! I was not finished...i

بذار ببينم امروز دارم چه كار مي كنم...
هيچي!
اما من ديروز هم داشتم همين كارو مي كردم!
آره خب! فكر كنم كارم تموم نشده بود...

2009-10-12T18:56:00.001+03:30

868
Rocket Queens

If I am ever ripped off,i
No Problem!i
In the history of human race
There have always been unknown women
who'd take back the stealables
for specific amount of money.i

Even though they don't look quite like the way they used to be.i

اگر تكه اي از ما دزديده شد
باكي نيست!
در طول تاريخ بشريت
همواره زنان ناشناسي بوده اند
كه دزديده شدني ها را در قبال مبلغي پول
برگردانند.

حتي اگر ديگر كاملا مثل اولش نباشد.

2009-10-10T23:35:00.000+03:30

867
Bla Bla Bla

I've officially become Reckless!i

Too much Recklessness
Kills:i

The Others!i

رسما بي قيد شده ام!

بي قيدي زياد
مي كشد:

ديگران رو!

2009-10-08T17:29:00.001+03:30

866
Goodnight Lovers

Accept me as your worst favorite nightmare!i

I will assure you
at the end of the night that
I'll be reciting
the most beautiful sadomasochistic lullabies
in you ear
until
your sobs get quiet,i
your tears go dry,i
and your eyes go off.i

من را به عنوان بدترين كابوس مورد علاقه تان بپذيريد!

به شما اطمينان مي دهم
در انتهاي شب
در لالهء گوشتان
برايتان زيباترين
لالايي هاي سـادومـازوخـيسـتي را از بر نجوا كنم
تا آنجا كه هق هق هايتان آرام،
اشك هايتان خشك،
و چشمانتان خاموش شود.

2009-10-07T19:01:00.002+03:30

865
London After Midnight

I never understand Cops!i

Their Nature is as Criminous as Criminal's Nature!
The only difference is that Which can bully the other
in specific Situations.i

I'm not only talking about cops in Iran - The Public Enemy #1s or The Rapists -i
I'm talking about all the cops around the world:
All The Legal Criminals!
Who unlike their illegal type
Their wisdom is not based on Individual terms
but
Based on written laws.i

This fact not at all gives you the sense of protection,
Whats more, it makes this conflict even scarier!i

I donno When one can trust them
I just know
that I should not mess with them
that one should stay away from 'em
and stay out of their business.
That's all!i

من هيچ وقت پليس ها را نمي فهمم!

طبيعت آن ها همانقدر جاني ماآب است كه طبيعت جاني ها!
تنها تفاوتش در اينست كه در موقعيت هاي مختلف
كدام يك مي تواند براي ديگري قلدري كند.

من فقط در مورد پليس هاي ايران - همان پابليك انمي هاي شمارهء يك، ريپيست ها و... - صحبت نمي كنم
من در مورد پليس در هر كجاي دنيا حرف مي زنم:
تمام جاني هاي قانوني!
كه بر خلاف انواع غير قانوني،
منطق شان نه بر پايهء اصول فردي
بلكه
بر طبق قوانين از پيش تعيين شده، نوشته شده است.

اين مسئله نه تنها حس امنيت را القا نمي كند
بلكه اين تضاد را ترسناك تر هم مي كند.

من نمي دانم كي مي شود به آن ها اطمينان كرد
فقط مي دانم
نبايد با آن ها قاطي كرد.
بايد از آن ها دور ماند
و كاري به كارشان نداشت.
همين!

2009-09-30T12:54:00.001+03:30

864
Eight Hundred Sixty Four

You are not my lost half, Are you?i

***

Some Comments deserve to become a note!
Comments like this, which cuts a so called perfect note
in half
and stick another half to it
and take it to heaven!i

Sign.: A puzzle piece who thinks he's perfect.i

***

Prove yourself!i

شما نيمهء گمشدهء من نيستيد، هستيد؟

***

بعضي كامنت ها ارزش "پست" شدن دارن!
كامنت هايي از اين دست، كه يه پست مثلا كامل را
نصف كرده
نصفهء گمشده اش را بهش مي چسبانند
و به عرش مي رسانند!

امضا: تيكه پازلي كه فكر مي كند كامل است!

***

خودتان را اثبات كنيد!

2009-09-26T04:04:00.002+03:30

863
Servitude

I should go find myself some new girls
for the times I'm listening To Oasis - She's Love

بايد بروم براي خودم يه دختر جديدي پيدا كنم
براي وقتايي كه دارم Oasis - She's Love گوش مي كنم.

2009-09-23T04:34:00.003+03:30

862
Screw The Monkey On My Back

Now that my high speed internet is temporarily disconnected
(the calm before 1 megabyte/sec Storm!)
I have faced the fact
that opening a blocked web page like Idiot
with Dial-up internet
Demands such a mood!i

And as long as, I only care about
just a few certain loyal visitors from Iran:
Fuck That!i

حالا كه اينترنت ADSL ام قطع شده
(آرامش قبل از طوفان 1 مگابايت!)
به اين نتيجه رسيده ام
كه باز كردن يك وبلاگ فيلتر شده مثل ايديت
با سرعت هاي Dial-Up
واقعا حوصلهء زيادي مي طلبد!

و از آن جايي كه در مورد ويزيتور هاي داخل ايران
صرفا به چند ويزيتور ثابت اهميت مي دهم:
به توپ پينگ پنگ ام!

2009-09-18T00:51:00.001+04:30

861
Oxi- Moron!i

Yesterday was so not a bitter day!
Such a So-not-a-bitter day that
One could drink off the last 100 CC of Scotch from the bottle
With a piece of Toblerone
and not wrinkle the brow at all.i

Yesterday was so not a bitter day!i

ديروز اصلا يه روز تلخ نبود!
آنقدر روز تلخي نبود كه
مي تونستي آخرين 100 سي سي بطري اسكاچ رو يه ضرب تا ته
و با يه تيكه تابلرون بخوري
و اصلا خم به ابرو هم نياري.

ديروز اصلا يه روز تلخ نبود!

2009-09-14T05:54:00.004+04:30

860
All Apologies

Inside Every cynical Man
There is a disappointed Idealist!
The more this man gets realistic
The more Disappointed!i

Tell me,
Do you still fall in love?
Still Get impressed by a movie?
Enjoy hangin' out with your friends?
Or Still Believe in Patriotism?i

You must be lucky!
Both You,
And Those who Use you!i

New Words and Expressions:
Cynical - adj. sarcastic; doubting the sincerity of others, pessimistic

درون هر آدم Cynical*
يك ايده آليست مايوس وجود دارد!
هرچه اين آدم واقع بين تر مي شود
مايوس تر!

ببينم،
هنوز هم عاشق مي شويد؟
تحت تاثير يك فيلم قرار مي گيريد؟
از بودن با دوستانتان لذت مي بريد؟
به ميهن پرستي اعتقاد داريد؟

بايد خوش شانس باشيد!
هم شما،
هم كساني كه شما را استعمال مي كنند!

*كلمه ها و تركيبات تازه:

Cynical - adj. sarcastic; doubting the sincerity of others, pessimistic

2009-09-12T05:30:00.003+04:30

859

Live and Let Die!i

I believe in the non-equality of Human beings!i

Some people MUST die!i

It's not a matter of skin color!
It's simply: Who took my very own chance of living?i

من به قضيهء نابرابري انسان ها معتقدم!

بعضي از مردم بايد بميرند!

بحث رنگ پوست هم نيست!
مسئله خيلي ساده است: كي فرصت زندگي را از من گرفت؟

2009-09-03T04:36:00.003+04:30

858
Oasis - I'm Outta timei

2nd Day...
And... Still there is no good news at all!i

I guess that's why it is "The 2nd Day".i

***

My Head is not where it should be!i

It's up there
in the clouds
and when it does not exist on my neck
Feet start walking back and forth in the room and corridors:
The right side of my rain thinks about west,
and the left side, thinks about East.i

It's Tearing apart,
I guess I'm gonna lose it one of these days.i

***

Still when bottles get empty
I put messages in them
Throw 'em in the water...i

S.O.Si
S.O.Si

روز دوم...
و... اصلا خبرهاي خوبي به گوش نمي رسه!

فكر كنم به همين خاطره كه هست "روز دوم."

***

سر من سر جاي خودش نيست!

اون بالاست
توي ابرها
و وقتي روي گردن سوار نيست
پاها بنا مي كنن براي خودشون طول اتاق و راه رو ها راه رفتن:
نيم كرهء راست به غرب فكر مي كنه
نيم كرهء چپ به شرق.

داره از وسط پاره ميشه،
فكر كنم همين روزاس كه از دستش بدم.

***

همچنان كه بطري ها خالي مي شوند
پيغام ها را توي آن ها مي گذارم
مي اندازم به آب...

S.O.Si
S.O.Si

2009-09-02T02:45:00.002+04:30

857
Support The Government: Keep the idiots in Iran n' Let 'em Brain drain

استاد شفيعي كدكني كه رفت!
قدر ايديت را بدانيد قبل از اينكه دير شود...

2009-08-30T16:53:00.003+04:30

856
Praise The Lord

I donno If I had told this before or not
but The Iranian's Who get to read "Iranian (freakin') idiot" are the smartest!
I mean they either know how to bypass filters
or were smart enough to leave this country in the first place!i

نمي دونم قبلا اينو گفته بودم يا نه
اما ايراني هايي كه "ايرانين ايديت" رو مي خونن از جملهء باهوش ترين ها هستند!
منظورم اينه كه اونها بلدند چطور فيلترينگ رو دور بزنن
يا همون اول اونقدر عاقل بودن كه اين كشور رو ترك كنن!

2009-08-29T02:21:00.002+04:30

855
History (repeats itself)i

Forgive me if I'm wrong but....
Is Kennedy Shot Dead, AGAIN?i

اگر اشتباه مي كنم منو ببخشيد!
اما كندي رو باز با تير زدن كشتن؟

2009-08-26T02:30:00.000+04:30

854
Love Note

Ordinary type of women,
love men who fuck 'em!
But For your type I'd Say
You love men who rape you!i

2009-08-08T03:19:00.004+04:30

853
Children of Down Below

What was the name of that girl, who used to sniff Vodka?i

اسم اون دختره چي بود كه ودكا اسنيف مي كرد؟

2009-08-03T00:41:00.007+04:30

852
Trial For Khatami's former vice president

Then / Now
بعد / قبل
Radish / Ginseng
جينسنگ / تربچه
Abtahie / Abtahee
ابتهي / ابطحي