I was reading me some Andrew Murray today and came across a text that fits well here on the man blog. If you have yet to meet Mr. Murray, his passionate love for God, and his obsession with Jesus, I recommend you do so today. The book I’m reading is Humility.

Murray makes a keen observation that, as men, we can often give more attention to developing and displaying the “manlier” virtues like courage while devaluing those that are less glamorous such as humility. The truth though, is that Jesus is always our example of what a real man is and he is the most humble person to have walked the earth.

From Humility - 

In striving after the higher experiences of the Christian life, the believer is often in danger of aiming at and rejoicing in what one might call the more human, the manly, virtues, such as boldness, joy, contempt of the world, zeal, self-sacrifice–even the old Stoics taught and practised these, while the deeper and gentler, the diviner and more heavenly graces, those which Jesus first taught upon earth, because He brought them from heaven; those which are more distinctly connected with His cross and the death of self-poverty of spirit, meekness, humility, lowliness,  are scarcely thought of or valued. Therefore, let us put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness,long-suffering; and let us prove our Christlikeness, not only in our zeal for saving the lost, but before all in our intercourse with the brethren, forbearing and forgiving one another, even as the Lord forgave us.

Fellow-Christians, do let us study the Bible portrait of the humble man. And let us ask our brethren, and ask the world, whether they recognize in us the likeness to the original. Let us be content with nothing less than taking each of these texts as the promise of what God will work in us, as the revelation in words of what the Spirit of Jesus will give as a birth within us. And let each failure and shortcoming simply urge us to turn humbly and meekly to the meek and lowly Lamb of God, in the assurance that where He is enthroned in the heart, His humility and gentleness will be one of the streams of living water that flow from within us.

Read the rest of Murray’s book, Humility, online here.

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I recently reviewed a book called, You’re Stronger Than You Think by Les Parott. At the end of that book, Les shared something called The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith. I guess this piece has been around since the late 60′s but it’s brand new to me. The Paradoxical Commandments reminds me a lot of Rudyard Kipling’s poem, If, which you can find on this blog and where Dr. Keith almost certainly got his inspiration.

If you’re interested, Dr. Keith has written several books and has a whole website built around his commandments. The main idea is that there are always lots of reasons not to be great and to do great things but you should be and do so anyway. Are you up to the challenge?

The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

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I recently read a book called You’re Stronger Than You Think by Les Parrott. I picked the book up despite it’s cheesy name because I recognized the author’s name. Les Parrot and his wife Leslie, wrote my favorite college textbook (insert ‘nerd’ here) for a psych class I took and since then I’ve payed attention to their work. Les and Leslie are christian psychologists or psychiatrists or some such and they have a lot of good things to say about living healthy lives and being emotionally and mentally well.

I heartily recommend You’re Stronger Than You Think to anybody who wants to live a fuller life and, in this case, to any man seeking strength. Les Parrott presents an extremely gospel-centric message about how to harness the power of your Mind, Heart, and Soul. With the mind Les encourages you to Think Simply, and Think Expectantly. With the heart he says we should harness the Power of Feeling and Being Vulnerable. And finally, with the soul, we learn to leverage the power of Being Emptied and Being Bold.

Les gives practical challenges to help you put what you learn into practice at the end of each section and he’s provided lots of fantastic quotes to bolster his message along the way. I was really challenged and encouraged by You’re Stronger Than You Think and I hope you pick up a copy and discover some reserves of strength you didn’t know were there within you.

Where have you been finding strength recently?

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I recently told you about an article in the New York Times by David Brooks on men and education. Brooks has returned to the topic of men in a more recent article titled, Why Men Fail.

The phenomenal decline of men in recent years has been well documented and can be seen in almost every sphere of life. Brooks briefly reviews a book by Hannah Rosin called The End of Men and agrees with her conclusion: that men are not as good as women at adapting to the socioeconomic changes happening in our times. Women are simply thriving in the new economy and under the new social rules while men are clinging to old mores that seem to no longer be valid.

The answer, Brooks and Rosin say, is for men to be more adaptive. In what I’ve discovered to be a typically brilliant turn of phrase from Brooks, he says that if Rosin is right in her assessment of the plight of men, then “men will have to be less like Achilles, imposing their will on the world, and more like Odysseus, the crafty, many-sided sojourner. They’ll have to acknowledge that they are strangers in a strange land.”

Personally, I’d say there is a lot more to the problems and solutions of men than simple adaptivity or lack thereof. The shortage of men with qualities like spiritual fortitude, character, integrity, honor, strength, confidence, and general christlikeness would have a lot to do with it as well–not to mention our culture’s tragic failure to teach men how to be men. Adaptivity may need to make its place into that list though.

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David Brooks is an op-ed columnist for The New York Times. He has written an interesting article titled Honor Code, which discusses the way modern education may be estranging boys. Essentially, his argument is that the esthetic and “honor code” of much modern education is unappealing, uninspiring and negatively biased toward men and that this should change.

Brooks frames his argument by using the picture of Henry V of Shakespeare’s play as an example of a man who is admirable and yet would have been viewed as a problem child in today’s educational system. Give the article a read and tell us what you think. While you’re at it, check out Brooks’ other work. He covers a wide range of material and is always insightful.

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• The Amazing History of Beards

  An infographic about beards and how their perception, use and cultural significance has changed throughout history. Depending on your value system the infographic may leave you wishing you could grow a beard or have you out buying a new razor. Personally, I agree with the author/artist’s conclusion: “Don’t shave–find a woman who’ll embrace the beard.”

• The Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

  If you’ve watched Parks and Recreation then you know that Ron Swanson is one of the manliest characters ever to appear on your TV screen. His pyramid of greatness is used on the show for educating children about what really matters. Click the image for the full size version.

  

• Mantage

  My wife actually introduced me to this video…which is why I married her. Thanks to Andy Swartz for reminding me of the awesomeness of Barats and Bereta’s Mantage.

  Can't see the video in your RSS reader or email? Click Here!

And finally…

• Rambo vs. Robert Pattinson

  There are a lot of things wrong with this poster–logical fallacies, stereotypes,  etc.–and yet, it just touches my heart. Thanks to Richard Seldomridge for the reference.

  

  If you’ve got some good ideas for future Man-Jewels collections, let me know!

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First up, a movie you probably haven’t even heard of for some reason: Redbelt. Written and directed by David Mamet. Mamet wrote one of my top 5 favorite movies, The Edge. He’s a bit inconsistent in my book, a few excellent films and several that are less than B but Redbelt is great all around–well written, well acted, well filmed.

Redbelt is the story of Mike Terry, a jiu-jitsu b.a. who runs a studio in Los Angeles. Mike is a world-class fighter who refuses to compete. He believes competition for money weakens the fighter and adulterates the fight. The most fascinating thing about Mike’s character is his unwavering code of honor and his relentless self-discipline.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a man with the focus and conviction Mike’s character displays and that’s why I was immediately drawn in to the story–because Redbelt is about a man of great strength who is tested in every way and whose principals are questioned on every front. Mike’s steadfast role is contrasted with the character of almost every other person in the movie.

In the end Mike is finally cornered into a competition by money-trouble. At the arena his character is tested and he faces his greatest challenge. Obviously, I won’t tell you what happens but the ending is unpredictable and extremely well-executed. If you want a movie that leaves you thinking for a long time afterward and challenges you to assess your own character, this is it.

Next up, Warrior. It’s much more likely that you’ve heard of or seen Warrior but if you haven’t, get on it. Warrior is a movie about men. The film takes the characters of a father and two sons and, through their struggles, says something about all men.

The three-man family Warrior centers on is volatile to say the least. I grew up in household in which the first six siblings were boys so I know all about putting holes in the walls but the combination of an alcoholic dad and fight-trainer (Paddy Conlon), all-star wrestler and marine (Tommy), and MMA fighter (Brendan) guarantee the Conlon family would win in terms of destruction and violence.

By the time we see them in the film, Paddy is a recovering alcoholic who’s found religion, Tommy is a haunted ex-marine, and Brendan is a jobless father and husband who can’t think of a better way to provide for his family than returning to the amateur MMA scene. Needless to say, the shared past of these three men is just bubbling beneath the surface waiting for the events that comprise Warrior to occur and bring it all to the light.

Tommy enlists his dad, whom he holds a huge amount of anger toward, to train him for a big MMA tournament. This same tournament offers the prize Brendan hopes to earn for his family. So, inevitably, the two brothers are pitted against each other in a fight that is very important to both and very intense to watch.

Excellent character development, fight scenes that draw you in completely, and the story of three men that will, again, leave you considering your own character, demons, and the fighter that is in every man’s heart–all are reasons you should watch this movie.

If you watch them, comment and tell us what you think about the movies. Enjoy.

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How Did You Die?

Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it,
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what’s that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It’s nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there — that’s disgrace.
The harder you’re thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn’t the fact that you’re licked that counts,
It’s how did you fight — and why?

And though you be done to the death, what then?
If you battled the best you could,
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why, the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,
And whether he’s slow or spry,
It isn’t the fact that you’re dead that counts,
But only how did you die?

Edmund Vance Cooke, Impertinent Poems, 1903

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I was recently traveling out of state to support a friend of mine as his groomsman at his wedding. The groom, the other groomsmen, the photographer and I all lived together in a house for three days or so while the bachelor’s party, rehearsal and other festivities were continuing.

Alec, the photographer, a friend of mine from college, was actually shooting two weddings that weekend. One evening, one of the other groomsmen made a comment about him that struck me as incredibly insightful. He said that, for being one of the busiest guys he knew, this photographer was also the most peaceful person he could think of. I instantly agreed.

After the wedding, the night before I left to drive back to Colorado, I asked Alec about where he got his inner peace. He quickly answered “I just have joy man.”

Since then, I’ve been thinking about his answer. Alec recently tweeted a quote of a quote to me. It was John Piper quoting G. K. Chesterton. In his book, Orthodoxy, Chesterton said “Man is more manlike when joy is the fundamental thing in him.” Though it’s obvious from the context that Chesterton is using “man” in the general human sense of the word, I believe this quote contains a lot of truth that we as men need to receive.

Man is more manlike when joy is the fundamental thing in him.

Awhile back I talked about the importance of finding your identity as a a son of God (a genderless spiritual reality for both men and women) before anything else. You need to find your identity in sonship well before you try to find it in manliness. I’m now realizing that Joy needs to be another integral aspect of who we are. Substituting “human” for “man”–if humans are more humanlike when Joy is the fundamental thing them, and an integral aspect of your humanness is your manhood, then you’ll be more of a man when Joy is a foundational aspect of your character. The same would go for women.

This flies in the face of the Hollywood image of men.

On one hand you have the American Manly Man. The American Manly Man is stoic, only smiles when he is shooting something, can’t maintain a relationship with a woman because he’s too busy being a hard-ass and fighting. The American Manly Man doesn’t laugh from Joy–he just makes cynical, sardonic remarks about how he doesn’t care. His smile is really a painful grimace.

On the other end of the spectrum you have the American Dude, who is too stupid and base-minded to have real joy. Real Joy is set on higher, eternal things, but the American dude is content to find his ersatz joy in fart jokes, boobs, football, beer and bacon. Joy gives us incredible drive but the American Dude is content just getting fat and doing whatever his wife tells him to. His grin just says that he doesn’t know what to do.

These stereotypes must not define us as men. They are based on fear. The Manly Man is too scared to feel and the Dude is too scared to act. While I’ll probably always like the Die Hard movies and will always laugh at fart jokes, I need to find that, beyond all of that fluff, Joy is what is truly integral to who I am as a man. Be clear that we’re talking about Joy and not just happiness. The difference is important but there is not sufficient space here to lay out a theology of joy and a discussion of how a man obtains it. That will be your job for now and maybe we’ll discuss it in the future.

For those interested, here is the full quote from Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton. As you’ll see there is way more to the thought than what we’ve discussed above.

The mass of men have been forced to be gay about the little things, but sad about the big ones. Nevertheless (I offer my last dogma defiantly) it is not native to man to be so. Man is more himself, man is more manlike, when joy is the fundamental thing in him, and grief the superficial. Melancholy should be an innocent interlude, a tender and fugitive frame of mind; praise should be the permanent pulsation of the soul. Pessimism is at best an emotional half-holiday; joy is the uproarious labour by which all things live. Yet, according to the apparent estate of man as seen by the pagan or the agnostic, this primary need of human nature can never be fulfilled. Joy ought to be expansive; but for the agnostic it must be contracted, it must cling to one corner of the world. Grief ought to be a concentration; but for the agnostic its desolation is spread through an unthinkable eternity. This is what I call being born upside down. The sceptic may truly be said to be topsy-turvy; for his feet are dancing upwards in idle ecstasies, while his brain is in the abyss. To the modern man the heavens are actually below the earth. The explanation is simple; he is standing on his head; which is a very weak pedestal to stand on. But when he has found his feet again he knows it. Christianity satisfies suddenly and perfectly man’s ancestral instinct for being the right way up; satisfies it supremely in this; that by its creed joy becomes something gigantic and sadness something special and small. The vault above us is not deaf because the universe is an idiot; the silence is not the heartless silence of an endless and aimless world. Rather the silence around us is a small and pitiful stillness like the prompt stillness in a sick room. We are perhaps permitted tragedy as a sort of merciful comedy: because the frantic energy of divine things would knock us down like a drunken farce. We can take our own tears more lightly than we could take the tremendous levities of the angels. So we sit perhaps in a starry chamber of silence, while the laughter of the heavens is too loud for us to hear.

—Orthodoxy, G. K. Chesterton

So what do you think? Is Joy integral to who you are? Should it be? What do you think Joy is and how do you get it?

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Several years ago I stole a book from my parents called Discovering the Mind of a Woman by Ken Nair. I think I was dating someone at the time and realizing that what I knew about women could fill a 140 character tweet. I never actually read the book until recently. Being a husband and aware of my need of good advice, I’ve been rereading this cornily-named book and I think you should too–even if you’re not married or dating yet. Don’t be distracted by the early-90′s cover, the title, or his ministry website–all of which are outdated and cheesy–the advice in this book is completely timely and relevant to your life.

I’ll warn you up front that if you don’t like to be convicted, challenged, and exhorted to grow then don’t even bother reading this review, much less the book itself. Ken Nair will kick your ass–but in a good way. If you’re attracted to a title like Discovering the Mind of a Woman because you think it will get you more hot dates or get you laid then you have no idea what you’re in store for. Nair writes with the voice of a spiritual father. He wants you to mature, to let go of your childish ways, and to grow to be a man who God can use to bless, lead, learn from and love a woman.

Nair starts out with the story of how he came to realize that he was living selfishly as a husband and father and that he was not being a spiritual leader in his home. He encountered the Father’s grace in this and prayed for three things:

1. That God would help (him) learn how to meet the need of (his) wife, to understand her mind, her way of thinking, her innermost feelings.
2. That God would show (him) how to love (his) wife so that she would be able to experience more than just hearing (him) say, “I love you.” As God’s representative, (he) wanted to have her experience God’s loving her through (him), to bless her heart through (him). That would include learning how to love her through her frame of reference.
3. That (he) would learn how to be the spiritual leader of (his) home. That (his) spirit might become so sensitive that (he) would become aware of the Holy Spirit leading (his) spirit.

It turns out that God answered these prayers for Ken Nair but it would come at a high price and through a long process. He realized that God was calling him to true Christ-likeness and that Paul’s words in Ephesians, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church and also gave himself for her.” were a greater commandment than he could possibly imagine.

What came from his journey with God and his wife, and from years as a marriage counselor and discipler of men is distilled in Discovering the Mind of a Woman. Nair’s teachings are not for the faint of heart, his first chapter has subtitles like “This Could Be Dangerous!” and “No Shortcuts”.

In chapter two Nair takes a sledge-hammer to four common male prejudices that prevent us from pursuing our wives and generally respecting the women in our lives:

1. Women are impossible to understand.
2. Women are the real problem.
3. Women are inferior to men.
4. Women are supposed to be “the boss”.

From there Nair guides us on a journey that will doubtless continue our entire lives.

Nair has a high view of the husband’s duty in marriage, a real appreciation for the glorious, terrifyingly deep heart of a woman, and a passionate commitment to seeing men become more like Christ. This makes for a truly challenging book but one that is written with a voice obviously motivated by love and that encourages us to rely on grace and the Holy Spirit as we try to rise to the occasion.

Every man needs a man like Ken Nair in his life. A man who has seen and learned a lot, who has remained faithful to the Lord, and who is generative enough to pass on the things he has learned. If we don’t seek out men like this, in person or writing or however else we can, we will be missing out. Solomon tells his son,

“My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

With books like Discovering the Mind of a Woman, you don’t have to search very far to find a good dose of wisdom.

If you read the book check back in and let me know what you think of it.

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