Irrational Family

Are You a Keeper?

2010-07-26T12:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Keepers,

I grew up in the 50/60's with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a Name for it... A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat, and Mom in a house dress, broom in one hand and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress, things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... While we have it.. it's best we love it... And care for it.... And fix it when it's broken.... And heal it when it's sick.

This is true... For marriage.... And old cars... And children with bad report cards..... Dogs and cats with bad hips.... And aging parents..... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special..... And so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper', so I've sent it to the people I think of in the same way . Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Keep them close !!
Kind regards,
Me

Our July 4th Family Reunion

2010-07-10T08:17:00.000-04:00

Our July 4th Family Reunion

(as seen through beer goggles)

(by Dunlavey)

Katrina's Birthday Party Blues

2010-06-30T14:40:00.000-04:00

"So remember how I told you my sister had this tennis tournament and needs me to take care of her boys? Well, of course I'm keeping them the weekend of Josh's birthday. So I re-arranged his birthday party, so it wasn't the weekend of her tournament. Anywho...I sent an evite out for his pool birthday party for Monday (his actual birthday) - the day after her tournament. She looks at the evite, waits a week and then sends me this email:

'Hey! How was Chicago? The pictures on FB looked great. All the parish moms at the tennis center were asking if you were back yet. I wanted to ask you about Josh's Birthday? Do you think he would be very upset if the boys didn't come? They have a swim meet that night which I had already filled out the form saying they would be attending. We filled these out back in May. I'm guessing I can tell them we couldn't come, but since we would be at your house the next night for family night, I didn't know if Josh would be upset. Let me know.'

WTF? Seriously? The kid is turning 6. I planned his kid birthday party around her schedule so his cousins could be there! A swim meet is more important than his birthday? Really?! He's never had a friend birthday party before. If you have to ask me if his feelings would be hurt then you should know that they would! Not to mention mine.

Am I over reacting? SO freaking selfish.

Follow-up email from Katrina's sister:

Katrina,

We will be doing Adam's kids birthday on Sunday, July 4th. Not sure of the time yet, but we will probably do a cookout with neighbors afterwards followed by fireworks. I couldn't remember if you were in town or not. Let me know if you can attend any of it that day.

Thanks,
Amy

Katrina:
OMG, shoot me now.
Really? We always go to the lake over 4th of July with my other sister and her husband. So you plan this on Sunday so we can't come. I am so pissed I can't see straight. How is having a kid birthday party turn into a cookout with the neighbors?

Rant via I.M.
L: Your sister is clueless

K: ok, so i'm not over reacting? i am so pissed. i think i'm going to call her today

L: I think you should tell her that you re-arranged the party not to interfere with her fucking tennis tournament, so they better as heeelll be there

K: but then it will be months again till she talks to me

K: somehow i will be the bad guys in all this

L: of course you will, but that will NEVER change

K: like i'm in considerate of her kids swim meet

L: well, why don't you do something small over the weekend with the boys in recognition of Josh's b-day - their own special time - take them to Chuckee Cheese or something and just let it go

L: and Josh will feel extra special

K: we'll be at the lake with them all weekend

K: it's all about the kids anyway

L: just let her be a freak, but don't let her mess with you

L: set boundaries to protect yourself and always expect that she will do the selfish thing

K: its ok when it's me, but when she starts taking it out on my kids and they lose out - that's what puts me over the edge.

L: I know

K: she is so inconsiderate of me and my time and my family

K: it just sucks and shouldn't be that way

K: my kids ADORE her boys

K: I completely understand, but it won't change

K: i know

K: and i should just let it go, but i can't

K: it eats me up

K: yet she sleeps fine at night

L: bitch to me as much as you want; have a small celebration at the lake - cousin-time

K: sorry to get on a rampage this morning

L: no worries

L: I bet she doesn't sleep fine - she probably worries about irrational crap

L: kharma is a bitch, so I am sure she suffers

L: it's just delusional suffering

K: oh no, she sleeps fine...she told me she was so exhausted the other day because she played tennis, went to the country club to swim with some people, then swam at the tennis center and she just couldn't do another thing

L: LMAO

L: damn, i want that life

K: wtf? i stayed up till 1:00 am making shit for the picinic, got up at 5 to ice the cakes, worked all day, went to josh's ball game and then took my kids to ride night. still had to pack for chicago and got up at 4:30 am to drive

K: but she was exhausted and couldn't do another fucking thing!

L: next year, just give them $6 so they can buy a cake at a local bakery :)

K: i'm still pissed and bitter towards her though!

L: that's ok

L: she's a freak

L: a selfish woman; it's sad that people can get away with that

K: would take the shirt off my back for the people i care about

L: then you'd ahve to walk around in just your bra

K: that would be so ugly

K: people would give me the shirt back!

L: right

L: give them something else

L: we don't want to be walking arund half-naked

K: might scare off the natives

What Goes Around, Comes Around

2010-06-04T17:02:00.000-04:00

Have you no shame?

So my father is lying in the ER, gasping for air like a fish out of water. We've just found him in his apartment after he spent two days in bed suffering from congestive heart failure, kidney failure, respiratory failure, etc. So, here he is, trying to breath, trying to live, and my mother walks in and stands next to the bed. Mind you, they've been divorce since 1981 when she ran off with her boss, but it doesn't stop her from coming around. Anyway, so there's Dad, on the brink of death, and my mother observing his situation, proclaims quite loudly, "My GOD! I hope I never look like that!!"

Orange Blossom Special

2010-06-02T18:53:00.000-04:00

Uncle Pretty got so drunk one time that he fell asleep on some railroad tracks. A train came by and ran him over. Cut off his leg and he didn't even know it. He survived, of course, and went on to marry his brother-in-law, Earl's (sister Maybelle's husband) sister. I believe her name was Mamie. I guess pickins were slim back then.

The Bottle of Wine

2010-05-25T09:43:00.000-04:00

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she
would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

"Good trade....."

Grandpa from Wisconsin

2010-05-25T09:36:00.000-04:00

Grandpa lived in Northern Wisconsin all his life. He was an avid hunter and outdoorsman. Picking wild blueberries, strawberries and mushrooms was a passion.

Grandpa passed away after a long blessed life. One of his wishes when he passed away was to travel from Northern Wisconsin to Southern Wisconsin where his burial plots were. He wanted to be driven along the lakeshore which is a very beautiful drive. This route would take about 8 hours since you wind through so many small towns and communities. This was Grandpa's wish but truth be told he was tighter than a drum and most likely made this request so he could save money on the funeral.

My sisters and mother and grandmother were in one van and my brother-in-law and sister were in the truck with grandpa and his casket in the back. Special permits were required of course to transport him but we had everything in place and off we went.

You can imagine the looks we got going thru some fast food places on the way down state. My wife couldn't make the journey because of having a new baby in the house but after we arrived at our destination I called her to let her know we had made it and were going out to eat. She asked where grandpa was to which we replied in the back of the truck in my aunt's garage. I know, she gave me the same "you're kidding".

The funeral was the next day so three of us went to the cemetery where we were going to have a graveside service. One thing I forgot to mention earlier, my grandfather worked with wood all his life and was a very skilled craftsman in cabinetry and other wood working hobbies. Because of this enjoyment he picked out a solid wood casket made of oak. It was very beautiful but as you know also very HEAVY! The three people that went to the cemetery was myself, brother-in-law and 9 year old nephew. We thought the cemetery would have people there to help us unload, little did we know that grandpa forgot to tell us he tried to save money there as well. I knew the 3 of us could never lift grandpa and the solid oak casket and drag it over to the gravesite without possibly waking him up. Being quick on my feet I rounded up 3 men who happened to be mowing the cemetery lawn. I'm positive they didn't expect that when they went to work that day. I also tipped each one $20.

Grandpa was laid to rest that day and it was beautiful. But as I was standing there thinking of his last journey, my irrational grandfather made it so we will never forget him!

(Thanks, M.S.!)

Yes, it's true. They ARE being irrational.

2010-05-24T12:33:00.001-04:00

Irrational, who me? No, you...

Technically, "irrational" denotes 'without the faculty of reason' and 'deprived of normal mental clarity or sound judgement' and one of my personal favorites, 'utterly illogical'.

Essentially though, as it relates to family and friends, irrational statements and actions receive wide, rolled eyes and shaking heads - thoughts of disbelief and Saturday Night Live-type sentiments of "REALLY?!?".

These actions and statements must then be shared with other family and friends, primarily to confirm the thoughts and feelings of the original audience - to put it out there in the world as affirmation of its occurence.

So when somebody does something irrational, you are supposed to address the behavior and not the individual, right? I mean, that's what we are taught when raising children. You are supposed to say "Johnny, what you just did was a bad choice of behavior/a bad decision." and not "Why the hell would you do something stupid like that? or worse "act like an idiot?"

Yes, we are told not to be so derogatory with out children - address the behavior. Yet, we have family and friends all around us - adults, mind you - saying irrational things, doing irrational things, and acting like they are completely justified, or just plain in denial, or feel they can rationalize any behavior. And the funny thing is...typically these are repeat behaviors.

Yet every time we as the audience are somewhat surprised. "Really? they did what? they said what?", and then outsiders begin to look at us funny and say, "well, what did you expect?".

Irrational Beginnings...again

2010-05-23T13:57:00.001-04:00

When we started this blog, our narcissistic family members were appalled; then they claimed all of the credit. The victims or martyrs in the family said that they cannot believe that we have taken advantage of them and since they are so depressed, now we will have to support them financially (which is laughable - we already support them mentally).But we figure that laughter is the best medicine - because inevitably, chances are that other families can be more absurd than yours. The only way we can typically stomach all of this irrationality is to laugh it off, for fear of diving into our own irrational behaviors. So read on, and start feeling better about you and yours. We hope you enjoy our stories, and perhaps offer up some of your own (at least to make us feel better. Thanks in advance for that). Tidbits about your family and friends can be submitted to rationalchica@irrationalfamily.net. Make someone else feel better about their family. And don't worry about grammar and punctuation - I can deal with that.

Mother Dear

2010-05-23T13:44:00.003-04:00

Drugged by My Parents

2010-05-17T16:48:00.002-04:00

Advice from Mothers to Their Children

2010-05-08T16:49:00.000-04:00

1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase “It’s not
fair!” 86 times a day.

2. The real world won’t care as much about your self esteem as your school does.
This may come as a shock.

3. Sorry, you won’t make $40,000 a year as soon as you get out of high school.
And you won’t be a vice-president either. You may even have to wear a uniform
that doesn’t have a designer label.

4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.

5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different
word for burger flipping. They called it “opportunity.”

6. It’s not your parents’ fault if you mess up. You’re responsible. This is the mirror
image of “It’s my life” and “You’re not my boss.”

7. Before you were born, your parents weren’t boring. That got that way by paying
bills and listening to you.

8. Life is not divided into semesters. And you don’t get summers off. Not even
spring break. You are expected to show up every day for eight hours, and you
don’t get a new life every 10 weeks.

9. Smoking does not make you look cool. Watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his
mouth. That’s what you look like to anyone over 20.

10. Your school may be “outcome-based” but life isn’t. In some schools you’re
given as many chances as you want to get the answer right. This, of course,
bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real
life—as you will soon find out.

One Flaw In Women (that's right - there's just one.)

2010-05-02T09:00:00.001-04:00

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take 'no' for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution..

They go without , so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have the compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Woman Bites Man After Being Called Fat

2010-04-28T16:15:00.000-04:00

04/28 14:30 CDT Police: Woman bites man after being called fat

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) -- Police say a 24-year-old man is missing a chunk of his

right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn't like being called "fat."

Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said officers were called to a Lincoln hospital

around 3:25 a.m. Wednesday to talk to the injured man.

He told them that he'd been bitten at a party.

Flood said officers later learned that the injured man and two others had been

arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told

21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.

Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite.

Flood said the ear chunk was not found.

Godfrey was arrested on suspicion of felony assault and remained in custody

Wednesday. Case records don't yet list her attorney's name.

Remember your Sisters

2010-04-26T17:04:00.001-04:00

(source: http://girlscantwhat.com/remember-your-sisters/)

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women.. your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.

You'll need other women. Women always do."

What a funny piece of advice! The young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what she learned:

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Irrational Mother Nature

2010-04-20T22:09:00.001-04:00

Scientists find it difficult to predict volcano behavior
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/20/AR2010042005301.html

Spreadshirt Market Place Product

Stranded by Eyjafjallajokull 2010

Just Like His Mama

2010-04-18T08:46:00.001-04:00

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

He said my biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him...

Like his mama used to do.

Most Beautiful Woman In The World

2010-04-16T13:16:00.001-04:00

This is a tribute to my aunt.

She passed away Wednesday, April 14th.

Most Beautiful Woman In The World

by Ruwaida Van Doorsen

She has no special talent

No special beauty mark

No invention with a patent

No voice of a comely lark

No hourglass physique

No sunbeam likened smile

No lingering mystique

No manicured nails to file

But what she had she flaunted

With the style of a fur- lined stole

With the chic of a runway model

She flashed her beautiful soul.

Negotiating with Irrational People

2010-04-12T14:56:00.001-04:00

From Negotiate This by Herb Cohen

Just Let It Go!

2010-04-06T17:24:00.001-04:00

My cousin, J.R. sent the following to me in 2008. I have a printout which I keep in my briefcase (along with the Serenity Prayer and Desiderata). When dealing daily with irrational and dysfunctional persons, I typically look to humor to ease my mind. Sometimes, however, I find momentary peace in works such as these, so I would like to share this one with you. I highly recommend it.

Let It Go
by T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains............
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you.
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.....
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed..................
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to.....
LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past.

Thanks for tuning in!
Rational Chica

Irrational Fandom

2010-03-31T17:00:00.000-04:00

One day last week, I placed a call to my mother-in-law to update her on the evening ahead. She was watching my children after school and I needed them to be ready to walk out the door so we could make it in time to soccer practice. As soon as she answered the phone, she said, "when you get here, you may want to give your eldest 1/2 of a Prozac." My five-year-old does not take any such meds, so my curiosity was piqued.

"What's wrong," I asked, wondering if she had hurt herself or was just tired or hungry.

"Well, we told her that the UofL Cardinals were no longer in the NCAA tournament, and she LOST IT."
"Are you serious?!"
"Yes, she's been crying for 15 minutes at least, and she is inconsolable. We tried to tell her that teams win and teams lose, and there's always next year. That didn't work. Then we told her that we could root for the Muskies since her Daddy, Aunt and Uncle went to school there and they are still in the tournament, and she cried even harder."
"Put her on."

She got on the phone, nearly hysterical and sobbing.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I was having a hard time understanding her over the crying, so I proceeded to say the same things my in-laws had said to calm her down. It didn't work.

sob sob sob

"Honey, I know the Cardinals lost, but we can still root for Xavier. They are still in the tournament."

Finally, through her tears she screeched, "BUT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT Xavier!!" sob sob sob
I was speechless.
Time for a little attention re-direction. How about a snack???

We haven't discussed basketball at home since.
We won't discuss the NCAA tournament again until 2011, and then ONLY if our team does well.
My husband blames it all on my genetics.

It's entirely possible he's right.

Visualizing Serenity

2010-03-29T20:11:00.000-04:00

Serenity Now

A Venn diagram is an illustration of the relationships between and among sets, groups of objects that share something in common. Usually, Venn diagrams are used to depict set intersections (denoted by an upside-down letter U). This type of diagram is used in scientific and engineering presentations, in theoretical mathematics, in computer applications, and in statistics.

Excuses, Excuses

2010-03-24T12:00:00.002-04:00

Excuse me while I rant...

Irrational people have this amazing ability to make their actions the fault of everyone else in the world but their own. I find this mildly interesting, somewhat amusing, and immensely frustrating.

I am currently in the vein of accepting responsibility for things I say and do (regardless of consequences), in addition to exploring self-deprecating humor as a way of reigning in my pride and making people laugh. Because if you accept responsibility, then you face the consequences and move on. No more holding onto guilt and worry. No more nights of lost sleep. No more wondering and assuming what people are saying about you behind your back (they really aren't doing this at all - there just isn't enough time in the day and the world doesn't revolve around you). No more dragging people into and down with your drama. People may even hold you in higher esteem, IF you can face your faults, humble yourself, apologize and MOVE ON.

What drives me nuts are the excuses - the ridiculous excuses that somehow seem to make sense to dysfunctional people. Excuses that are clearly not relevant to the situation at hand. Excuses that simply hide the real reason why someone doesn't want to do something. Excuses for when people think they can't do something; or sometimes they just convince themselves they cannot do something. ("I can't go to eat at my favorite restaurant. I've really let myself go of recent, and the people I knew from the country club 20 years ago might see me and judge me."(I did not make that up. You can't make up this stuff.))

The real reason is that they probably just don't want to do whatever it is, but they are trying to come up with a rationale which they think will appease others involved - which sounds good to them - which they think won't aggravate other people, but the reality is that the other people simply don't care (they have families of their own to worry about). They waste life energy on the analysis, the brooding, the droning explanations, when they could have just done it or said "I don't want to do this." end of story.

Oh, and the phrases - have I mentioned the phrases? Avoiding an activity because you have to "gear up for it", rather than just tackling it head-on and getting it over with, - or for God's sake perhaps even actually enjoy it (is that beyond the realm of possibility?). ("I don't think we can do anything this week, because we have that family party this weekend." (meaning: we have to spend all available hours this week ruminating over every possible thing a relative might say to us which we would have to defend and get pissed about, and we are going to wear ourselves out thinking about all of these things they may or may not say.)

Or "hunkering down" - essentially hiding from the world because the previous moment, day or week has just exhausted your mental capacity beyond belief. ("Can you believe everything I have done for you and the family this week? I have given the world my all, and now it's "my time" to lay here and do nothing. I will completely avoid responsibility this weekend, and that's ok, because I have done my share." (can you say 'martyr'?))

One of my favorites is "I have to get myself together". This isn't just a matter of taking a shower, doing ones hair and putting on deoderant. It's a mental exercise in preparation of upcoming events. And evidently, it takes hours (sometimes days - it can be similar to "gearing up"). The person has to mull over in painstaking fashion all of the pros and cons; all the what-ifs and whatnots. It literally wears me out just thinking about them thinking about it.

Phew.

Pardon me while I go gear up for the rest of my day via some swift coffee intake and my favorite fruit chewy cookies. Tonight I am going to hunker down. Oh wait, I can't...I have young children to attend to who have soccer practice, homework; who need to be fed, bathed, read to and put to bed. Let's not forget the laundry, my husband, the dog and the dishwasher, etc. Life goes on. There is no time for me to dwell in your irrational world any longer.

"No time left for you,
On my way to better things,
No time left for you,
I found myself some wings.
-The Guess Who

Irrational Intern or Irrational Me? Depends on Your Proximity to the Intern

2010-03-23T17:30:00.001-04:00

Last fall, a new intern moved into our cubeland midst. She was a 'powerful' typer - so much so you would think she was perpetually wrought with anger and intense (albeit ridiculous) purpose.

One day, I could take it no more, so I sent a request to our IT department to replaces hers with a softer, quieter keyboard. It was partially a joke, but much to my joyful surprise, they fulfilled my request. I should have told the intern prior to the replacement, but not really thinking it would happen, I did not. Needless to say, she was taken aback and not pleased. Below is her blogpost of that day.

Rants of an Intern (my title; not hers)

Earlier this morning I was just sitting at my desk minding my own business when I happen to turn around and see one of the IT men walking towards me with a new keyboard. He comes over and tell me he has the new keyboard that was requested and I told him I did not request or even need a new keyboard. His reply: "I know you didn't request a new keyboard but someone else did on your behalf and threatened me with my life if I did not change this out by the end of the week." So I laughed because, for some reason, I thought he might be joking to make up for the fact that he maybe came to the wrong desk. Then I realize he is not laughing and he proceeded to say that he was being dead serious. "Why would someone request a new keyboard for me?" I asked. He replied, "Because the mixture of your loud typing and loud keyboard was apparently too much for them to handle." Uhm okay. So while he's under my desk switching the keyboards out I am talking to my fellow QA member about how ridiculous it is that someone took time out of their day to send in an IT request to get me a new keyboard instead of just coming to me. I am just going on and on about how petty this person must be. Next thing I know, the woman on the other side of him stands up with this embarrassed smile on her face and said "Kelly, it was me." Because I feel sort of stupid at this point that I just sat here venting and it was her the whole time and she heard every word I said, I just smiled and said "Oh, that's fine." Deep down I assumed it was her and I was glad she heard what I said because I meant it but what do you say to someone after that? Clearly I wanted to say "Seriously? You're going to do this to me on my third day out on the floor? I've probably been at my desk for a total of four hours since I moved because I had to go sit in a freakin' Seminar that was boring as hell and you want to complain about my typing? What the hell have I even been typing? You don't even work in the office forty hours a week so when did you even see me at my desk? Do you not think I'm not already pissed that I had to sacrifice my secluded office and big window? Like I'm not pissed that people can no longer come in my office when no one else is here and gossip with me or listen to me vent about other petty people like yourself? Like I'm not pissed about the fact that I got stuck at this desk anyway because the incredibly nosy, socially awkward, arrogant man that doesn't even have a damn title in this company wanted to "pull rank" and sit at the desk I originally chose? Like I'm not freakin' angry that the ice machine is on the other side of the wall and I hear every time a batch of ice drops and every time someone turns on the faucet in the kitchen and every time someone even opens the freakin' refrigerator?! Seriously!!? WTF!! " ... but I didn't, did I? No, I just sat back down at my desk with my quieter keyboard and angrily typed what just happened to anyone I could reach on my IM list that would even slightly care. Then I receive this e-mail from her with an apology so I thought, okay, I can accept this and we can move on from this together. I can force myself to get over the fact that she is not woman enough to speak to me about the keyboard or loud typing. If she would have just said something - anything - about my keyboard or typing then I could have handled the situation and contacted IT myself. Well, I get back from lunch and another coworker tells me that the women in the cube next to him (which, please keep in mind, is not near my cube) were talking about what happened and I've been coined 'Thunder Fingers.' Thunder Fingers?? Thunder Fingers? Seriously ... as if the woman is not petty enough by complaining about my keyboard when we work in a freaking office, but now she wants to call me names? I can be honest here and say that yes, I have IM'd people before and ripped other people to shreds with my words. But never have I IM'd someone and referred to her as Nappy Roots because of her nasty, poorly highlighted hair. And when she heats up her nasty smelling food I have never referred to her as Big Nasty. So why must we name call? And why must we resort this low? Can we not all be smart, mature individuals here and realize that this is an open office? There is never going to be complete silence. There is always going to to be the sound of someone typing, even if it isn't me. And how many times a day do people click their mouse? This woman needs to invest in an iPod, or at least, some earmuffs. Now I am going to work in constant fear that the sipping of my water will disturb her, or the sound of my pen writing on a post-it note will echo off the walls, or the sound of me breathing will be so damn loud that she will run out of the building screaming because IT does not have the capabilities to outfit me with something that will quiet my freakin' breathing.

One the other hand, I kind of want new headphones, so I was thinking that maybe if I turn my music up really loud, IT will bring me some pimp noise-cancelling headphones.

She's actually a decent writer. Perhaps I should ask her to guest blog. Oh wait, she just did.

(I would like to mention that due to the feedback I received from the other cubemates after the fact, they shared my sentiments in this matter. However, I was the only one with the cajones to do something about it. Was it irrational to say that?)

We've Had Our Differences

2010-03-21T20:56:00.000-04:00

An 'Oh No You Di'int' Card

a division of SWAG and TheWholeDamnIrratFam

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