The squirt guns story

2011-04-06T16:33:00.001-07:00

I hate to open up with one of my favorites, but it really gives you the best example of why my life is out of the ordinary, I mean how many of you can say this happened to you?

So me and my three buddies went out to go see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D and I lived the closest to the theater so I was last to be picked up. They arrived and as I was heading down to the car, Jody and Kenny got out and shot me with these alien water guns that they had bought at the dollar store on the way there.

The Guns
Of course the driver and one of my best friends Jt stayed in the car, because he is about the most anti confrontational person I know. We head off out of my subdivision and within 5 minutes a cop car was on our tail, which isnt in itself surprising, the Oak Ridge police force is prolly 10 units strong for the town of 10,000, and they have nothing better to do. As we were driving down this little two lane road on the way to the interstate, we turn the corner to see a police roadblock set up, and the cop behind us hits his lights. We pull over wondering what the jeep that was between us and the roadblock did when 3 cop cars pull out from behind the one behind us to form another road block. I swear, straight out of a movie scene, they get out of their cars, with their guns drawn and using the doors as frigging shields on both sides of us. They tell Jt to turn off his car, put the keys on the roof and for everybody to put their hands in the air. After this, they let the car in front of us go as they analyzed the situation. The 3 of us are actually excited because its not everyday this happens you know!? Plus we didnt do anything wrong that we could think of...

Anyway, I say the three of us because Jt is sitting in the front seat about to shit his pants, the kid was terrified. If that wasn't enough, we were moving around a little with excitement and one of the two main cops in this story, (we will use good cop bad cop) bad cop, yells at us not to move and without any hesitation, Jt sits up in his seat and looks in the rear view mirror and says "what did they say?" He gets answered with an immediate "DON'T MOVE!" from about half of the 16 officers there. (I bust out laughing) Now you know when you can't do anything right? That was Jt at this moment. They told him to open his door and step out and just in this little step he fails and "almost gets shot" Apparently they weren't expecting him to take off his seatbelt or open the door from the inside. (Remember all the cops are still sitting at the roadblocks guns pointed, all they could do was see through the windows of the car.) Finally after opening his door by reaching through the window, he steps out and turns towards the back of the car..."Don't look at me!!! Turn around!" so Jt faces the front of the car and takes steps backwards until he reaches a good point in the middle of the street and they tell him to lie down with his hands on his head. And they then proceed to do this to the rest of us one by one with only two more problems 1. Kenny shut his door on the seatbelt and it swung back open, and he reached down to move the seat belt into the car and try again, when he got yelled at by practically the entire Oak Ridge Police force. 2. I am the only one who ends up not on the road, but on the side of the road in the dirt... I am trying to look good for the movie still! Once they have us all down, they search us, cuff us and search the car. Two things, 1. Thank God Jt's car was clean, otherwise we would have been here all day. 2. In the trunk we had 2 stolen traffic cones, 1 street sign and a house for sale sign, that they just passed right by. Finally good cop calls us over and tells us What The Hell is going on! When I see the squirt guns on the roof though, he really doesn't even need to tell me...

See, you need to know that about 2 months earlier, I got into my first car wreck with the old lady across the street. I hit her at about 2 miles an hour and her bumper crumbled like a can. Sigh, they just dont make cars like they used to...

Anyway, as the officer proceeds to tell us that someone had called them about a kidnapping at gunpoint... I give a kudos to the old woman for being so creative in her retaliation... We then had to sit there and listen to bad cop yell at us about how serious this is and about how we almost got shot all while the pissed off drivers that had been stopped by the road block eye us down as they drive by... This is when good cop duel wields the squirt guns and takes down 4 officers with them (including Mr. P.M.S. bad cop) They tell us that they are going to let us go and poor Jt finally gets done shaking like a scared puppy as we drive off and arrive to our movie only 10 minutes into it....

Is this really happening???

The squirt guns story