SimAntics

Test.

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 11:57:00 +0000

ahoy

Hiatus Over? Perhaps!

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:49:00 +0000

Well I have been gone for ages and ages, the story behind which is long, complicated, adventurous, mysterious, and with sexy results....which is exactly why I won't tell you what exactly occured. Instead I will tell you people that I have spent my time wisely, and improved on my character designs slightly.

My characters were drawn the way they were because, to put it frankly, I couldn't be fudged drawing anything more complicated. But now I have found a way to keep the characters looking sameish with minimal work. Behold! The new Simmy and Adam H!

Sure there isn't color, or a very noticable increase in anatomical proportions, or backgrounds, and yeah - there pants look like they belong on certain gay members of The Strokes, but all in all I think it is still an ish improvement from their predecessors.

My goal this year is to get one of my comics into Craccum, the University of Auckland student magazine. So wish me luck, and let me feed on your commentations.

Twin Flames

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 01:43:00 +0000

I remember the first time I met Kelsey, Bernie's other half (the good, smart, clean, busty half). It was a bit awkward.

Bernie and Kelsey, it has been a year. A year since your twin flames united to become the butt of all out ginger jokes for 12 months. You two have been called many names, Ginger Ninjas, Fanta Pants, Fire Crotch, Clockwork Oranges, Twin Flames - but you have proven to us that even two hyper-physically characteristic people like you, can have a woving relationship for a year. Congrats dudes.

X-rays can be a bitch!

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 08:36:00 +0000

X-rays are dangerous, don't touch them!

Randomly drew this up while I was studying for Physics 107, now all I can think about is x-ray emitting galaxies! Damn you physics!

Movember

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 06:05:00 +0000

The great month of November quickly approaches, carrying in its arsenal of goodies a plethora of events and holidays to better prepare us for that mother of all holidays: X-mas.

On November Eve (October 31st), Christian children, Pagan children, and Satanist children put aside their differences to engage in the sugar-fueled, tooth rotting orgy that is Halloween. We in New Zealand do not celebrate this holiday further than putting a white sheet over our heads and walking around in circles saying boo, but it is always fun to watch Americans on television going through the rites of All Hallows Eve on various sitcoms.

Then we Remember, Remember the 5th of November - Guy Fawkes Day. An opportunity for the masses who have been neutered by their diets of lattes and cappucinos, to reaffirm their manhood by exploding large quantities of magnesium and scare the living shit out of their pets.

November is also the month where parents celebrate the 9 month aniversary of their Valentines Day accident (think about it, November is 9 months after Valentines Day - meaning November babies were conceived around Valentines....eww for romantic parents). I myself will be celebrating my 19th glorious year on Earth, along with a number of my friends (including Matt W, who is no doubt still waiting for me to get him his present from last year). My birthday is the second result when you type in "November" in Google.

November in New Zealand is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month in New Zealand. Figures show that 1 in 3 men will be affected by some degree of Prostate Cancer, I have a vested interest in helping fund research into cures for this disease as I very much do not want to be "pissing razors" when I grow older. In New Zealand it is tradition (going back to the winter of 06') to grow a mustache and other forms of facial hair, to show solidarity for Prostate Cancer sufferers, in the month of November (hence November is colloquially referred to as MOvember).

I plan to participate whole heartedly this year, by allowing my face to be overun by manly strands of manosity. I implore all my readers, (even the females), to grow their own facial hair to support the cause. If you do not believe in Prostate Cancer, then perhaps you should grow it for your own benefit.

Facial hair instantly makes you exude manosity. Scientifically speaking, the size of a mans junk is proportional to the amount of hair on his face.

Its a proven fact that women prefer men with facial hair as it instantly makes them seem 'woodsy' and 'lumberjackesque'.

All the great religions have messianic figures sporting facial hair:

Moses (Judaism) :

Jesus (Christianity) :

Muhammad (Islam) :

Steve Jobs (Apple) :

I hope to see everyone wearing their best facial foliage this coming month of Movember.

Have you got epic facial hair? Leave a link to a picture of you in your best face sweater.

DATELINE: War on the Simian Front continues, Troops content.

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 08:31:00 +0000

I was just on a blog which had an article on how to maintain a sucessful blog, and the first tip it gave hopeful bloggers was: "Update content regularly". Ofcourse as soon as I read this I thought: "Oh shit, MY BLOG", at which point I raced over to my Blogger and began writing this update of the going ons in the life of a Psychology and Biology student at the University of Auckland (the rest of this speech is in one of the sidebars --->)

Firstly my female fans shall be saddened to hear that I now have the number of the girl formerly known as Jenny. I handed her a teddy bear and a letter professing my deep crush on her, during a BioSci 103 lecture.

It went a little something like this:

Adam too has had a crush on a girl at university for sometime, upon seeing my 'success' he plotted to do something similar the next day. Unfortunately his experience did not go quite so well:

We're still trying to find all the fragmented pieces of his manhood which have been shattered across the MLT1

lecture theatre floor.

Its now been a week and some time since I first discovered my love of making pictures out of PURE GRAPHITE. Many charcoaled stained fingers and shirts later I've come up with a few more pictures to add to my week long obsession:

Cashin the Elephant, from Auckland City Zoo

My very beautiful ex, Nicola Hart (the sketch does not do justice to her prettyfulness)

Matt W, you may remember him from such Simisodes as "A Googley Future" and The Adam H Trilogy Duology.

I am also currently 'studying' for exams, getting ready to train as a volunteer firefighter, and trying to figure out how girls work. Wish me luck people.

Adam Francis Graham Hand - But you can call him GRUUK!

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 08:46:00 +0000

Name: Adam Francis Graham Hand
Age: 19....20???? (Hes really old thats all I know)
Relation to Simmy: Huggle Buddies (Its a manly term for two manly men who hug in a manly MANner...beer, boobs, cars....Manly)
Occupation: Lives off my taxes as he receives Student Allowance and doesn't work (BASTARD)/ Student
Marital Status: Single (thats right ladies, this hunk of Adam is ready for the picking)
Music: Metal, Metal, MORE METAL
Movies: Matrix: Trilogy (Yes, he liks numbers two AND three aswell...freak), and METAL music videos
Religion: Christianity/ Metal
Turn Ons: Listening to metal music in church, women with a love of god, women with a love of metal, women who can quote metal, women who can quote scripture.
Turn Offs: Hip-hop, women who like hip-hop, emos, all races (including his own), himself (self-esteem issues?)

Lets Talk: Religion

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 08:58:00 +0000

Click to enlarge image

Do you have any religious views of your own? Diest, Agnostic, Athiest? Or did you just find this comic to be extremely offensive, and would like to start a riot outside my office? Leave a comment, and we'll talk God.

P.S Do you have any requests for historical figures, real or fictional (I'll let you decide which one Jesus was) that you would like Sim to bring to the present with his time machine? I'll be happy to oblige, extra points for famous cannibals.

Changing Templates

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:51:00 +0000

Hey guys,

I've checked out my blog on Internet Explorer from university, and the site looks weird and out of place. So I'm going to be looking for a new template to fix the situation (I wouldn't need to if IE wasn't such a wankfest, and people just used Firefox). The blog is gonna be template-fucked for a while, return soon though or I'll cry.

Yours in mutual hate of Microsoft,
Simmy

UPDATE: 9:11pm 13 Oct - Ok, I've decided to stick with this one. I like the light colors and easy breasyness of it. Tell me what you guys think? Any glitches? Any improvements? And to all you dirty Internet Explorer users out there, GET FIREFOX!

Sarah Palin: Shes gonna be President, dont'cha know?

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 10:18:00 +0000

In 24 days time the citizens and voting illegal-aliens of America will elect to office the person who will lead them, and the rest of the world through the next four years.There are three candidates who each have a good shot at becoming the President of the United States of America. Barrack Obama, John McCain, and Sarah Palin.

You might be thinking: "Simmy, Sarah Palin ain't running for President, John McCain is". Thats true enough but let me take you through some MATHS.

John McCain was born on August 29, 1936.

It is as of today October 12, 2008.

That makes John McCain roughly....100 years old.

The CIA World Factbook estimates the average life-expectancy of American males to be 72 years. Statistically speaking, John McCain is already dead!

He is running on fumes and living on borrowed time my friends, and when he dies from over excitement or finally succumbs to his face cancer- Sarah Palin becomes the first hockey mom to rule the free world , dont'cha know?

Watching Sarah Palin talk, with those lucious lips of hers, at the Republican convention, in various interviews, and in the Vice Presidential debates, I was left thinking these three things:

1) Sarah Palin has the most annoying voice ever given a microphone. She would have to be the successful result of an experiment in trying to cross breed a chalk-board with a dying cat.

2) She is dumber than a pile of sticks, except where the pile of sticks have the potential of becoming a bright flame - she has the potential of fucking up even more.

When asked by Katie Couric "Have you ever been involved in any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?", Palin's reply was:

"We have trade missions back and forth, we do. It’s very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia. As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state."

Does she really think that Vladimr Putin is some sort of evil boogie man that sneaks across the Alaskan border to steal ...caribou for his evil army of Communists or something?!?! This guy is Time Magazine's Man of the Year 2007, hes not stupid enough to take Russia down that path again when they are just starting to recover their superpower position. But I forget, you don't read.

3) John McCain was obviously trying to pick up disenfranchised female Clinton supporters by picking a woman, but it kind of backfired when he insulted their intelligence by picking the least qualified Republican female he could.

The men on the other hand, love Palin. One thing that shes got going for her is that shes pretty hot, like librarian hot, and as we all know thats the hottest kind of hot that you can find. Shes pretty darn yum for a mum. Shes definately a HMILF: a Hockey Mom I'd Like to Fornicate.

I'm not saying a woman cannot be the leader of the country which directly/indirectly controls the world. I'd happily bow down to the mights of such political Amazons as Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi or Martha Stewart. I'd just prefer that the person who had control of 1/3 of the worlds nuclear arsenal did not think that they could see Russia from their house or that man and dinosaurs existed at the same time when the world was created some 6000 years ago.

Sarah Palin's view of the past.

The whole idea that she can (and definately will if John McCain gets elected) be president scares the hell out of me, it also scares the living bejeesus out of one of my favorite actors, Matt Damon.

In an interview with CBS News, Damon said:

"You do the actuary* tables, you know, there's a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn't survive his first term, and it'll be President Palin. And it really, you know, was talking about it earlier, it's like a really bad Disney movie. You know, the hockey mom, you know, "I'm just a hockey mom from Alaska," and she's the president. And it's like she's facing down Vladimir Putin and you know, using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink, you know, it's just absurd. It's totally absurd, and I don't understand why more people aren't talking about how absurd it is."

*an actuary works for insurance companies to find the statistics on how long a person will live, to see whether they are worth insuring . <--- An example of me targetting the lowest common denominator.

After the interview he reitterated that he was indeed Matt Damon by saying: "[stupidly] Mmmaaattt Dammmmmooonnnn"

Now, I should really be concentrating on things like exams, recovering the dregs of my social life which I've been ignoring of late, or even the New Zealand elections being held 4 days after the American - but with Sarah Palin on my mind during the day, and in my dreams at night [ ;) ] my mind is just over blown with thoughts.:

So here is another (smarter) Sarah in a political message. Enjoy:

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Shout your thoughts on the way the American elections are going, on the candidates, and predictions for futures involving any of them - in a comment. You'd have to be a douchenozzle not to.

Simmy discovers he has X-ray vision

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 06:37:00 +0000

My Friday afternoons truly begin just after I finish a biology lab - BioSci 106 or BioSci 103, alternating each week. This means that I am usually either feeling on top of the world for having conquered yet another experiment, or am completely rock bottom and smelling of fish insides. Depending on which end of the spectrum I'm in, I buy a new book to either celebrate or commiserate.

I tend to buy my books from second hand bookstores because I've always imagined that the books there are like the older children in orphanages who never get adopted because they aren't as cute as the younger kids (I'm far too sympathetic towards inanimate objects). I don't usually get the urge to buy books while I'm still in town, it most often kicks in when I'm on the train home and I stop by Grey Lynn or Ponsonby to get my fix. But today I got the shakes for a new old book way before I planned on leaving town, so I went about getting myself some book action (seriously, I sound like a super bookworm but thats only because I am). I spent roughly 40 minutes trying to find a second hand bookstore in town, even asking nice elderly folk using my best tourist voice to show me the way, but had no luck.

I eventually gave up and just headed into Whitcoulls, feeling a pang of guilt for the orphan books I would not take back to a loving home. I perused the many sections of Whitcoulls downtown, but nothing jumped out at me saying "Buy me, I'm awesome!" (although, to be honest I would have been very startled if something had). I was up in the stationary section looking for a new sketchbook to draw some SimAntics in, as I'd almost gone through my first one, when I came across a sign that said "PURE GRAPHITE".

Now, I'm not sure whether it was the big bold writing encapsulated in a jagged yellow star or the sense of giant manhoodity the words PURE GRAPHITE exuded, but I decided to buy two. After I had made the purchase, and almost left the store, I decided to come back to the cashier and ask him: "Ummm...what is a pure graphite?"

It turns out pure graphite sticks are hunks of lead (an unfortunate piece of naming, as it is actually made of Carbon [C] not Lead [Pb]) so big they don't need a wooden sheath like ordinary pencils. Apparantly, artists prefer using these as they allow a variety of shading and applications when sketching.

I'm not an artist, I tend to leave the art making to professionals, but I really enjoyed sketching this image of a woman reclining on the ground and her lips, using my new graphites.

My attempt at drawing my own porno

My model was some woman in Albert Park, she wasn't naked at the time, but it was just much easier (and far more fun) to draw her naked than with clothes on (if you are that woman, I apologise and promise never to imagine you naked again).

It was kind of scary how easy it was to disrobe the woman, and then sketch her. Perhaps this is somehow my hidden superpower....not exactly the worst power in the world, I just wish it was a little less pervy. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.

Give me feedback on what you think of my new power, especially if you are good at art and have tips.

In Which We Discuss Rocktober

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 04:43:00 +0000

Its ROCKTOBER *devil horns*, the one month in the year where avid rockers and groupies alike attempt to enlighten themselves and others in the way of rock by rocking out to the max.

This isn't the Sixties, where rocking out came hand in hand with bare-breasted hippy girls named Moonflower. The Noughties have been tainted with the poison known as Hip-hop, and rocking out has been made difficult for even the most die-hard of headbangers.

I have searched through my many fan letters to find questions posed by my loyal viewers, asking for advice on how to rock out this Rocktober *devil horns*. The following is a compilation of those questions, and a guide to rocking out which has been scientifically proven to improve rocking out by 20% and decrease signs of poserism in two weeks.

Who can rock out?

You are never to young to start rocking out and you are never too old to keep rocking.

Bands like the Rolling Stones have been rocking out since your parents were young enough to be hip, yet even today they manage to draw in crowds which pack entire stadiums, arenas, and (in the case of Brazil) beaches. Their music is as popular today, as it was those dark years before the advent of internet.

It also doesn't matter what race you are or what God you foolishly worship, because unlike some inferior versions the holy spirit of rock accepts all cultures (except those blasphemous Hip-hop ones).

How do I look like a rocker?

Its not enough just to have the rocking spirit inside you to rock out, one must be fully kitted out with the rock look and rock accessories to rock out to the max during ROCKTOBER *devil horns*.

1) Aquire a bandshirt, the more awesome the band the more awesome your rocking out will be.

A good band shirt is the easiest way to infuse yourself with rockitude. My American Indian forefathers, the Mohicans, would wear band-shirts to infuse themselves with the the spirit of their favorite bands before heading off into battle. This is why the Mohicans were such revered warriors, until the white man came across the sea, he brought us pain and misery.

2) Aquire a rock do, the crazier the hair the crazier your rocking out will be.

This isn't as hard as it seems, because the formulae for a rocking hairstyle is quite simple. Contrary to popular belief, there are only THREE different styles of rocking hair - and to get the myriad of numbers of styles we see our modern rock heroes adorning, we need only mix and match these three Primary Rock Hairstyles.

3) Aquire a sleeve, the more epic the tattoos the more epic your rocking out will be.

Pink = Unacceptable
Skulls are encouraged.

I look like an awesome rocker, but I just can't seem to get my rock up. Help me Simmy.

Firstly make sure you are making your devil horns properly. You don't want to be rocking out all over the place only to find out next month that you were doing it wrong infront of all your friends.

Make sure you mosh carefully, whilst not as important, necks are used for other things too

Make sure you've got your crowd-raising smack talk down, before you attempt to rock out infront of a live Audience.

When crowd surfing make sure you understand the concept.

Now that you've got the basics of a good rock out, you can firebrand it by getting together with a group of friends and creating a band. Legend has it, that a band which forms during Rocktober *devil horns* never die in a horrible plane crash.

So what are you waiting for you rock-starved mosh-monkies, get out there and get rocking this ROCKTOBER *devil horns*.

To encourage rocking out during this holy month, I shall immortalize to any reader who leaves a comment with a link to a picture or video which shows them rocking out, by making a comic with them in it. At the end of the month if there are any I shall put them in a post, and link whore them. DOO IT!

Intelligence Quota

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 08:01:00 +0000

Click to inlarge

I.Q tests were developed during the 1920s by French psychologists in an attempt to categorize French children into different groups of intelligence. The French I.Q test for children was taken and then bettered by American psychologists, who then produced a method of I.Q testing which most people are familiar with today - a version which has been described as one of the most influential scientific inventions of this century (trust the Americans to take the credit).

How the scoring works is that the participant's number of correct answers is compared to the average expected score of someone their age, this score is then multiplied by 100 which is only don to make the number prettier and more rounded. For instance:

participants score = 10
expected score = 10

ps10 / es10 = 1

1 x 100 = 100 , thus the participant has an I.Q of 100.

This I.Q of 100 is also the statistical average I.Q of the human population, and most people tend to lie between 90 - 110. I myself have an I.Q of 132 (as of 2005, but I have lost many a braincells since then). Frankly I think using and I.Q test to measure one's intelligence is stupid and completely inaccurate (as seen by my result) as there are many different types of intelligence most of which aren't tested under traditional I.Q tests.

Bodily-Kinesthetic

This area has to do with movement and doing. People are generally good at physical activities such as sports or dance and often prefer activities which use movement.

Interpersonal

This area has to do with interaction with others. People in this category are usually extroverts and are characterized by their sensitivity to others' moods, feelings, temperaments and motivations, and their ability to cooperate in order to work as part of a group.

Verbal-Linguistic

Verbal-linguistic intelligence has to do with words, spoken or written. People with verbal-linguistic intelligence display a facility with words and languages.

Logical-Mathematical

This area has to do with logic, abstractions, inductive and deductive reasoning, and numbers.

Naturalistic

This area has to do with nature, nurturing and relating information to one's natural surroundings. This is the eighth and newest of the intelligences, added to the theory in 1999.

Intrapersonal

This area has to do with introspective and self-reflective capacities. Those who are strongest in this intelligence are typically introverts and prefer to work alone.

Visual-Spatial

This area has to do with vision and spatial judgment. People with strong visual-spatial intelligence are typically very good at visualizing and mentally manipulating objects.

Musical

This area has to do with rhythm, music, and hearing. Those who have a high level of musical-rhythmic intelligence display greater sensitivity to sounds, rhythms, tones, and music.

There is also suggestion of an emotional intelligence, but this seems to be contrite effort to be P.C and provide a way for every dumbass to feel that they are intelligent in one way or another. Lets just stick to the most reliable source of intelligence measurement : NCEA.

In Which We Conclude the 2nd and Final Part of Adam H's Trilogy

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 05:48:00 +0000

Disclaimer: Any resemblence the following comisode has to any George Lucas or Steven Spielberg projects, past or present, is purely coincidental. Viewers should be warned that by viewing this comisode, they waver all rights to sue on intellectual property rights.

The Quest to Resurrect Adam H's Character

Part Duex : Le Finale Crusade

Ok Adam H, there it is - you are now back in the series. So stop fucking crying!

This epic took so many hours which could have been spent more wisely socializing, economizing, or academizing. I promise my fan(s) that I will never attempt an epic ever again, truly this is my Last Crusade.

In Which We Quest for Adam H's Resurrection

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 06:05:00 +0000

After reading my post Superpowers not Melamine!, my good friend Adam H felt a little bit saddened by the fact that his character had been killed off. I tried to explain to him that cartoons running as many years as Simantics require a change in characters and the status quo, or else they reach a point where they 'jump the shark'. His death was the Maude Flanders of our generation, I thought he should have felt proud. Adam H did not see it this way. He spent a very crucial BioSci 103 lecture distracting me with various sad faces and pouts until I caved and promised him that I would resurrect his character. Indeed, I am far too kind on him.

Now I'm not Jesus, and resurrections aren't my area of expertise so its going to take at least 2 episodes for me to bring Adam H back to life.

You heard the image, TO BE CONTINUED......

Girls = a)Happy b)Sad c)Pain d)Pleasure e)All of the above

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 06:29:00 +0000

I somehow managed to ignore my cellphone's persistent alarm clock until 9am this morning. Obviously karma had been tampering with my phone again. This meant that I missed BioSci 106 and would miss BioSci 103. My only other lecture for the day was Phys107 and due to reasons mentioned in an earlier post, I was very much unwilling to make the 40 minute train ride into town for that. Instead I decided to spend the day at a local park flying kites and reading a book (The World Without Us by Alan Weisman, my loyal fan(s) must remind me to do a review on this some day).

Once I arrived at the park I unwound my stunt kite which I had lovingly named Arty (short for artificial bird analogue) and released him into his natural habitat. Defying my will to have him floating timidly in the air, Arty dove and swooped in rebellion like some sort of fluorescent rainbow colored bird of prey. Eventually I mastered the spool of string attached to his underbelly, and Arty was thus tamed.

Satisfied with my glorious battle with the inanimate child's toy, I took him down and sat down with the intent of reading my book. I opened to the book to the latest dog ear, when I noticed HER.

I'v never mentioned HER before on this blog, because I haven't seen HER since I've started posting here. Also I have no idea what HER name is (but I like to think that she looks like a Jenny), and was hoping to at least know that before I wrote about HER.

My momma always told me: "Girls are evil! Stay away from those evil creatures, you hear me boy!". She always told me to carry garlic on me to ward off their sinful ways, but I think she was starting to confuse girls for werewolves (or maybe she believed that they were the same thing?). She once had a nice chap down at the university do some research to prove that girls are evil.

Now, I know girls are completely evil and that I shouldn't have anything to do with them unless I want "my soul eaten out off of the bloody corpse that was once my body",but this girl is SPECIAL.

I usually see her during my Psych 108 lectures sitting by herself, but looking completely content with life. Sometimes, I look over and shes laughing at the same lame jokes that the lecturer makes, as me. She even freaks me out a little (in a completely good way) by wearing a bow some days. She seems intelligent, which is observable from the way she looks like shes in her own world when the lecture starts to plateau. But most importantly of all: shes SUPER FLIPPIN' HOT!

I assumed that she was some sort of super classy rich girl from out East or over the North Shore, so it came to me as a shock that she was in the same deserted park in West Auckland as I was. She was playing with her dog (a beast not a purse ornament) next to a playground and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to wander over and introduce myself. I've tried to talk to her before, but things always seemed to come between us...

So I start heading over, and I get my smooth walk going. I can completely imagine myself looking like one of the cast from Westside Story, but in my frame of mind this was the only way to walk over to a chick as classy as 'Jenny'. She catches my eye from across the park and smiles (or it could have been a grimace, I was too far away to tell ). So I'm walking and I'm walking when this man in a track suit starts walking over to her. I continue walking hoping the man is just taking a coincidentally identical trajectory on his morning old people walk, when he stops and gives Jenny a hug. Of course at this point I'm 5 metres from her, staring directly at her so I did what seemed most logical : leap into the nearest bush.

I stayed in that bush for five minutes before Jenny and old man pal left, which gave me time to think. I had a couple of theories as to who the old man was:

1) Her daddy
2) Her sugar daddy

I was hoping that it wasn't number 2, as that would completely force me to reconsider my image of Jenny.I was also hoping that nobody had stolen my book which I left on the grass, as I hadn't found out what would happen to the the nuclear powerplants if there were no humans left alive on earth.

I packed my kite into my trunk, then drove off home. I must admit, I was disheartened by the days defeat. But I am not a man to quit when karma kicks me in the balls, because I solely attribute this day to karma. Bernie, Adam H and I have all had our running ins with karma of late - muggings, beatings, car thieverings, girl dumpitings - so it just goes to reason that karma hasn't finished teasing us. I guess I'll have to make up for some past sins, before I can woo my Jenny.

Help me make up for past sins by giving me ideas to even up my karma. I've already tried joining St. John's, but they won't let me. I'm applying to be a volunteer firefighter, so hopefully that'll help, but I need something to keep me safe from karma until I'm finished my training and start saving people from fires.

Superpowers not Melamine!

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 05:55:00 +0000

Melamine is a chemical used in industrial flame retardants - obviously the milk companies that used the melamine milk were hoping to make the next generation of Chinese children fireproof, in case of a war.

I hope the kids in China drinking the Fonterra-owned melamine laced milk get superpowers like Bernie and I, instead of becoming like Adam.

If I were a pirate with 33 T17 Soviet Tanks

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 08:20:00 +0000

Pirates have captured a Ukranian ship carrying tanks and are threatening to use them.

The Ukranian ship Faina was innocently delivering a cargo of 33 tanks to an unstable dictatorship in Africa when it was boarded by pirates off the coast of Somalia.

Russian officials have condemned this act of privateering, and insist that they will not negotiate with the pirates.

New Zealand's Ambassador to African Nations, Tom Worthing, expressed concern that this kind of pirate action could be used to fuel terrorism, or even help the pirates adapt to a life of plundering on land.

"We are concerned that if their demands are not met the pirates will move from the ocean, and adapt to a life of crime on the land using the tanks. In which case, may God have mercy on our souls"

The pirates are demanding a ransom for the return of the ship and its cargo.

"Yarr, now listen up you land lubbin', potato drinking sea hag Russians, if ye don't deliver us 47,000 dubloons and 600,000 pieces of eight ($5 million USD) by the end of this moon, you'll regret it. Arrgh!" said a spokesman for the Pirate's Union of Africa.

American Foriegn Affairs Department released a statement in which they have added the African pirates to their terrorist watchlist.

"You are now on the world's most feared list, your days are numbered." said Secratary of State Condoleezza Rice, "America will come and take care of this threat to our future naval interests, once we've saved up enough money to fly our troops economy-class to Africa."

-By Sim's Associated Press (SAP)

The Time We Saved Metallica

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 05:16:00 +0000

The days leading up to September 12th were intense. For one thing it was eerilie close to America's most popular public holiday, but more importantly it was the New Zealand release date of Metallica's latest album, Death Magnetic.

Their last album, St. Anger, was released in 2003 and was an absolute disaster - the majority of critics and fans agreeing that the band just didn't get their sex on, and "just delivered what they could scrounge together before the deadline". So any new effort of theirs would have to be a redemption piece.

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They have announced several album release dates since then, but its been 5 long years for Metallica fans to receive the album that never comes.

I've downloaded (I mean...bought...I'm not a pirate) the album, and decided to check it out.

I turned off my audioscrobbler, so Metallica wouldn't show up on my Last.fm (I wanted to keep my scrobbles safe in case this album was St. Anger 2.0).

The first song I listened to was Cyanide, which they played months before the album release at a live concert (thanks Matt for the link). Then after checking out their first single, The Day That Never Comes, I felt I had an idea of how I felt about this album. It was decent. Better than St. Anger by many metric kilometers, but they still haven't gone back to the hieghts of their 80's thrash supremacy (and most likely they never will).

I will reccomend this album to Metallica fans (who probably don't my reccomendation to get it) and people who want to listen to some thrash metal by those who once defined the genre.

The (not so) Secret Behind Phys 107 Boredom

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 09:09:00 +0000

How is it that I manage to fall asleep in a lecture where the topic is the infinite cosmos, with its turbulent suns, isolated planetoids, and rapturous novaes? Its a question I have come to ask myself quite often after signing up for Physics 107: Stars, Planets and Galaxies this semester.

At first I blamed my boredom on some mysterious device of evil, lurking deep within shadowy underbelly of the Old Biology Building.

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Its purpose: to make sure Biology students find all other subjects boring and unbearable, as a way to retain the otherwise notoriously wayward Biology Majors locked into Biology papers.

This theory was soon disproved one night last week, when I took a torch and explored all the nooks and various crannies of the OBB catacombs. I discovered nothing of interest, least of all a device of pure evil, however I did rescue a high school field trip class who got lost there in 1997.

The real reason for the boredom is quite simple, and is actually quite common in other kick-arse papers. It all comes down to the lecturer.

A lecturer is much more than just a vessel to store knowledge in, and then pour into the cups of those students who are willing to pay exorbatitant fees of tertiary education.They are figureheads of their subjects, they represent everything the subject has to offer, its many possibilities and unknowns. And in being a figurehead of an entire subject for 300 or so young impressionable minds, they have a responsibility to encourage intrigue and interest within their students.

Unfortunately, nothing kills the love of a subject more than a monotonous voice which recites word for word what is written in a textbook or lecture slide.This is what our lecturer does during Phys 107, and it pains me to see the flames of intrigue of space being extinguished on a daily basis within the hearts of my fellow students.

As I mentioned above, all his lecture material is taken straight out of his slides and book. Now this is a common practice amongst many lecturers, but they risk becoming redundant if they don't bring something to table which is more than just pouring us facts. What point is a man reading word for word out of a book, an act most primary school graduates can acomplish?

I remember going along to a Philosophy lecture with a friend of mine once. The blind lecturer, along with his 6 postgrad assistants rolled down the theatre in various clown costumes and began lecturing off his slides using the different clown characters in the examples of arguments on the screen. The lecture had me captivated for the full hour, and afterwards I was quite versed in how to pose an argument (and to do it with a silly clown voice no less) even though it wasn't an area which ever held interest for me.

I don't expect every lecturer to take to wearing costumes or other gimicks of this level to ignite the interests of their students, but small steps like adding some tone to the monotony and lecturing 'on the fly' could keep the flames of scholarly passion alive in the student body.

Luckily for me it would take a force of massive proportions (perhaps a very very very pretty girl) to steal my love of space away from me. So, until my lecturer learns to 'be a clown', I'm just going to learn about Stars, Planets and Galaxies the old fashion way - with a telescope.

You guy(s) ever had a cool class or paper butchered by a teacher/ lecturer? Or on the other end of the scale, a teacher or lecturer who helped you fall in love with a subject? Give me a buzz.

Election Year Blues

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:09:00 +0000

Click on image to enlarge.

I've recieved my election enrollment forms again yesterday. This was perhaps my 4th set of them (I feel a bit guilty for all the trees who had to die so I could confirm my democratic rights), and I completed them promptly.

I'm quite excited about the upcoming November elections, both in New Zealand and America. In New Zealand I'm excited about the fact that my measily opinion could dictate life as we know it in Aotearoa for the next 3 years. In America I'm excited to see what a future in a post-Bush, post-financial-apocalypse world looks like. I am also curious to see whether the Americans are able to vote in a man whose skin color would have meant that he was no more than a lowly piece of property some 150 years ago, into the seat of the most powerful office in the world.

November 2008, should be excitement all around in a democratic kind of way. Anyone know who they are voting for yet?

Doppelgänger

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:49:00 +0000

Doppelgänger

In the vernacular, "Doppelgänger" has come to refer (as in German) to any double or look-alike of a person. The word is also used to describe the sensation of having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision, in a position where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection. They are generally regarded as harbingers of bad luck. In some traditions, a doppelgänger seen by a person's friends or relatives portends illness or danger, while seeing one's own doppelgänger is an omen of death. In Norse mythology, a vardøger is a ghostly double who precedes a living person and is seen performing their actions in advance.
-Wikipedia

The Germans have a label for everything that makes the human mind tick, and this is one of their scarier theories. People are supposed to have an identical double somewhere in the world. Now a doppelganger isn't identical, as a monozygotic twin would be, but rather is identical in personality and general appearance (like an Elvis impersonator would be).

Genetically and socially it actually makes sense. There are only so many combinations of genes that are possible before you start repeating yourself, and producing near-clones.
Bandura's Social Observation theory states that an individual is socialized, learns behaviour and personality, through the observation of people in his environment. In Western societies children are often brought up in front of the T.V. and learn their behaviours from characters in media. So it makes sense that people have identical personalities.

This is definitely the case for me. I have an American accent, and spell words the American way (unless spellcheckers are set British English, in which case the squiggly red lines underneath the American spelt words piss me off and I change them), and behave very ...Americanly? I explain this by accepting the fact that I grew up in front of the T.V. I'm not complaining, my accent allows me to make up stories at night clubs and parties about how I am an exchange student from NYU (American exchange students get lucky, trust me).

Even though genetically and socially it makes sense, glimpsing one's own doppelganger can be a frightening experience. I assumed mine would be somewhere else in the world, perhaps living in New York and with a New Zealander accent to compliment my American accent - but mine is in NZ; in Auckland in fact. Attending the University of Auckland....just like me!

I saw him last Friday in the Information Commons. He had my hair (completely), my height (give or take an inch), and even my face (ishly). But what scared me most was that he had my signature Mr. Happy shirt on.
Even his mannerisms were very similar to my own, going as far as to lean on his chair in the same haphazard way I do. He was in every way, Me. I wanted to pull my scimitar out and take care of this threat, but I just couldn't kill such a beautiful specimen like that.

But I just cannot hold back the ultimate question, who is the evil twin, him or I?

I haven't seen him this week, but I'll keep an eye out for him. Perhaps I will befriend my doppelganger, and find more of us, then band together to form an army of doppelgangers. It would be easier than me finishing the cloning machine I've been building for the last 2 years in my garage.

Have you ever had the feeling that you glimpsed your own twin? Anyone else ever seen their own doppelganger? Leave me a comment, and maybe I'll help you hunt him/her down!

The Evolution Debate

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 10:56:00 +0000

Click Image For Full View

We've started a new topic in BioSci 103, Rise of Animals. This is an evolution based topic exploring the evolutionary path of biodiversity, so of course there is controversy. Our message board is littered with Pro-Creationists getting all up in the Cool-Aids of Pro-Evolutionists, and Pro-Evolutionists being smarmy jackarses and throwing Richard Dawkin quotes at Pro-Creationists. Why can't we just be friends?

What are the views of my many (2...3?) readers? Write a comment and lets discuss.

Perils of a Google Future

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 22:56:00 +0000

Check out Google Chrome: http://www.google.com/chrome

7 Ways To Beat Exam Stress

noreply@blogger.com (Sim) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 16:32:00 +0000

Its been two weeks since I sat that satanic piece of examination known as the BioSci 106 Mid Semester Test. This test was evil and it obviously had it in for me from the get go (yes, I am anthropomorphising a piece of paper! shh). I spent the weeks after sitting the test stressed about what the outcomes could be, a fail being on the top of the list. I just got my result back, and it wasn't half bad. Really, I gave myself an ulcer for nothing.

I've got another set of exams coming up, and this time around I am prepared not to be stressed. I'm going to try and stick to a plan which comes in 7 steps, and I've written them down for the benefit of any netizens reading this blog who also happen to be stressed students losing hair over exams:

1) Study, Study, Chillax
The first thing I recommend is that you study for your exam. The more revised you are on the topics, the less you will stress about not knowing enough. Start at least 2 weeks before the exam, and give yourself at least 1 hour and 20 minutes each week night and 3 hours on a weekend to study.

Studies show that the average human maintains optimum attention for only 40 minutes. This means you should be studying in 40 minute blocks, with breaks in between.

2) Brainstorm with friends.
Before the exam go to a park with your friends, sit in a circle (the shape isn't actually crucial) , and discuss areas you are having difficulties with. Bounce questions off each others heads, and I bet you that the areas where you were drawing blanks a friend will be able to help fill.

Brainstorming with friends is also a great way to add a friendly spin to what is usually a daunting task: studying.

3)Catch some zZZs
Sleep well two nights before your exam, and the night before your exam. Its a little known fact that your energy levels are highly effected by the sleep you received from two nights before. Its also a good idea not to go out to town and get on the piss the night before. Contrary to popular belief, attempting an exam hungover doesn't help you.

Getting good amounts of sleep will also lower the likely hood of getting colon cancer, and just knowing that is bound to lower your stress levels.

4) If studying fails, guess!
The only way I could have passed my 106 test was with pure awesomeness in the form of great educated guesses. If you come to a question you don't know take a note from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: When all other possibilities are eliminated, the answer is what you are left with. Look at all the possible answers to a multiple choice question, remove the answers which are silly, then the ones which are unlikely, then make a toss up between what ever is left. Elementary my dear reader.

Don't get into thinking that there are patterns in the answer keys....
...The probability of a computer randomising the answer keys into a smiley face is almost non-existent (although I swear I've had a Psychology exam key in the shape of a boat).

5) Don't fire blanks.
There is a reason that you are advised not to leave blanks in your tests, because it screws you up. The examiner will look over your exam script and see how many blanks you have left and from this (no matter how unfairly) they will place a bias on the rest of your marking. In an examiner's mind the more blanks you leave the less study and effort you put in, so they will be less likely to show you leniency on the marks that they would otherwise be leaning towards giving to you.

Also very few exams mark you down for wrong answer, so chucking in a key word or two can't harm you. In my BioSci 106 exam when ever a blank came up I would consult a pre-determined list of key words and chuck it in the blank space for safety (ATP and NADH are my favorites).

6) The exam is over when time is up.
After every exam there will be people who find their friends, and demand to go over answers with them. For these people I would like to remind them this: When the exam is over its over- there is no point in going over the exam. Unless you have a time machine in your garage you can't go back in time and change your answers.

Also it just adds to the already stressful life you have as a student. Your friend Timmy will tell you that he Q3 he got (A) for , and you will shit yourself because you got (E) . Most likely Timmy is stupid (statistically speaking Timmys aren't very bright), so basing your predicted results on his would make you stupid.

7) Reward yourself.
You have survived yet another exams without suffering a heart attack, this feat alone deserves a reward. Do what ever it is you do for fun, and savour it because you might need to draw on the memory of this good moment when you are about to open your exam results in a few weeks time.

There they are in their listy glory, 7 ways to beat exam stress. Hopefully I'll take my own advice with the upcoming exams, because frankly I don't want to lose my luscious head of hair over them.