Based in Garlinge, Barbara is known for having some of the finest baps in the area. Most of her customers prefer larger baps although there are some who will confess to enjoying the smaller, rounder baps too.

Barbara also stocks cakes, mostly the ones with a cherry on the top.

If you do ever need to get your hands on some baps, why not head over to Garlinge and grab some of Barbara’s? You won’t regret it.

More of this shit to follow.

The date for all this malarkey is 13th October. Try to keep your eye out for 40ish pretend soldiers smashed out of their minds on the bus. They’ll be collecting for Help for Heroes.

It’s good to know that even though the Olympics have finished, there are still people out there willing to push themselves to the limits of human endurance.

Anyway, with all this pregnancy about, it’s something of a surprise to learn that only now are the NCT starting to offer antenatal classes in the area. This is surely a result for the DFL element here, for whom NCT classes are as much a way of life as Pizza Express, Starbucks, and wearing spectacles on their foreheads.

The NCT’s first course starts in October – so if you’re not pregnant now, you’ll really need to get a shift on. For more information on the course, you can email bookings4i@nct.co.uk or use the search on this page: http://www.nct.org.uk/courses.

We were lucky enough to have illegally obtained a copy of a new poster featuring images of litter left on Thanet’s beaches. The poster, above, entices tourists to Thanet by suggesting that they don’t bother tidying up after themselves.

“We’re looking to subvert traditional tourist expectations of an area,” said Mr Tony Spazmo, Chief Communications Officer for the council. “Our research demonstrates that a lot of people actually like the rubbish left on beaches.”

“Anyway, it’s mostly foreigners who leave the rubbish,” continued Mr Spazmo as small beads of froth appeared at the corners of his mouth. “And we as a council aren’t therefore responsible for tidying up their filthy mess.”

“Besides, there isn’t any rubbish on the beach, it’s all fine,” he said before his eyes rolled backwards into his head and he appeared to suffer some kind of seizure.

Maybe, let’s say, they’ve got certain preconceived ideas about where you live. You know the kind of people – mention Margate to them and they’re immediately launching into Chas and Dave. How humorous.

Well, why not pander to their preconceptions and invite them to visit you during Broadstairs Dickens Week? Imagine their stupid Cockney faces when they find half the town is walking round like it’s 1899. Everyone’s in bonnets and top hats; there’s a game of primitive proto-cricket on the green; and no doubt someone somewhere is covering a piano leg or hanging a child for theft.

Yes, you can say, this is normal for us. This is actually what life is like down here. You were right all along… Then quickly turn the tables on them to demonstrate that Broadstairs is really a progressive, modern place by inviting them back down for Folk Week. Oh, no, that won’t work.

Dickens Week starts Saturday 16th June. If you’ve never visited Broadstairs to gawp before, you really should.

Well, frankly, it’s none of your business what we’ve been doing. All you need to know is we’re back now and everything has cleared up thanks to the cream.

And the big news on our return is that there are some changes on the site. The first change is that we’re opening the site up for people to start promoting their events. You can post details of forthcoming events and activities free of charge and see them go live on the What’s on page straightaway. It’s a super quick form to complete – no need to fill in endless fields with your name, address, and inside leg.

You can get started by clicking the big ‘Submit an event‘ button at the top. You’ll need to register first so that we know you’re not an impostor or a robot, then you can post events to your heart’s content.

So if you’ve got an exhibition, competition, festival or whatever, you can publicise it here. We have thousands of visitors to the site every month who can search for events by location, time and type, making it the perfect place for you to promote your stuff.

And this is just the first change you’ll see on the site in the next few weeks – how exciting is that?

Now, where’s that cream?

Scholars are already obsessing about its true significance. Is it, perhaps, a reference to TS Eliot’s The Wasteland, composed in part in Margate? The figure is indeed Tiresias-like as it seems to possess both female breasts and male genitals. Or perhaps the artist merely forgot halfway through what he (or indeed she, or indeed both) was drawing.

In any case, if you find any similar examples of Thanet chalk art please feel free to send them in. Especially if they’re accompanied by approximately 100 words of absolute bollocks like the above.

So TS Eliot, the most famous poet with a tenuous link to the area, didn’t exactly write.

And now, in a frankly insulting trivialisation of a great poem, we’ve paraphrased Eliot’s words and applied them to Broadstairs’ end of year fireworks – or rather the lack of.

For the last ten years, Broadstairs has brought in the New Year with a firework display on Viking Bay. This year, however, the fireworks are cancelled – apparently late notice from the council on a risk assessment has led to the display being called off. Efforts made by local traders to reorganise the fireworks were unsuccessful with the council offices closed till next week.

It’s a big shame – the fireworks draw thousands of people to the town. My favourite image from last year’s event was the sight of a drunken couple heading up the high street on the stroke of midnight, walking yards apart from each other, clearly in the aftermath of a colossal row, while the fireworks went off in the sky behind them.

That’s the traditional way to end the year – with an argument.

Oh, you think the Turner might be closed specially for The Queen? Hmm, hadn’t thought of that.

Kent Youth Arts are looking for talented young musicians, artists, bands and groups to perform at Kent Youth Arts Festival 2011 at Turner Contemporary, Margate on 3rd/4th December.

They are looking for a variety of performances and are interested in all styles and genres of music.

Please send at link to one of your tracks online to beth.james@kent.gov.uk by 7th November. Please also include your contact details and a description of you/your group.