IT Mum Blog

CHRISTMAS AT THE INLAW’S – Elaborate Hoax or Strange Family Initiation??

2012-11-21T16:10:00.002+00:00

So we’re gearing up for Christmas at the in-laws. That is JD’s Mum and Step-Dad. This will be our third Christmas together.

Last year was a quiet one at home with us, Mumina, MSB and little Man. It went without any big events other than me and JD arguing at the beginning of December about decorations – “apparently” it’s meant to be a couple thing: decorating the tree………… the jury’s still out to vote on that one (along with the rest of the world!).

So this year we shall have an audience with the Lord and Lady – M.I.L and F.I.L (Mother In-Law, Father In-Law etc… No names remember?). The Christmas trees will be decorated beautifully (real tree’s, naturally) and the trees will be adding to the decorative feel by shedding their needles f@cking everywhere. After owning a Christmas Tree Farm I’m soooo over the nice smell, going out a choosing a MASSIVE one, cutting it down to two feet and then watching it drop needles everywhere for a month – GO FOR A FAKE!! They look soo real – they’re symmetrical (this quality is especially handy for those of you, like me, that suffer from the OCD: ‘Symmetrical Christmas Tree Decorating’ Red Bauble, Gold Bauble, Red Bauble, Gold, Red………….) they fit neatly into corners and you can hang really heavy decorations on them and they do not droop – they are the Marine of Christmas Tree’s.

For our first Christmas together at the In-Law’s I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I mean, we’d had the odd Family Party, BBQ’s and a wedding together so I thought I knew what it would be like and knew the rules. It’s like fight club:

· Rule 1 - NEVER Swear

· Rule 2 - NEVER offer to help JD’s Mum in the Kitchen

· Rule 3 - NEVER say ‘it’ll be fine, calm down’

· Rule 4 - No plasticine or play dough in the living room/dining room (my Brother in-law’s words of wisdom there)

· Rule 5 - NEVER decline food/drink/nibbles

· Rule 6 – NEVER break Rule 1

I made a rookie mistake before we’d even hit Christmas Eve – I decided to give up smoking on Dec 10^th so by the 24^th I was constantly shaking like a shitting dog and had almost killed JD. Twice.

So Christmas Eve is upon us – we’re packed and I’m waiting for JD to get in from work. Instead ‘Death Warmed Up’ decided to walk in, dressed like JD, but with a cold, cough and wheezing chest. Great – Man-Flu had rocked up and decided to do a dirty protest all over me.

JD showered, changed and dodged death by Tinkerbell three times then we set off.

We’re greeted at the front door and ushered in….

M.I.L: “What do you mean you feel ill? It’s Christmas! You can’t be ill. Have a Port & Brandy and you’ll be fine. Someone get him a Port & Brandy NOW”

Me (in my head): “Fantastic! JD Drunk is well chilled”

We have dinner and I think we’re all about to settle down in the living room for an evening in front of the TV…..

M.I.L: “I’ve got the latest ‘Let’s Dance’ who’s going first?”

Me: “Pardon?” Me (in my head): “What the Fuck?”

M.I.L: “Just Dance!!! You can’t NOT play it. EVERYONE is……. JD – What do you mean you’re too ill for Just Dance?! It’s Christmas! You must do it! Have a Port & Brandy and you’ll be fine – someone get JD a Port & Brandy”

Just Dance commences….

I’m shocked - It’s really good! and I’m convinced I’m actually better than Britney Spears in the ‘Toxic’ video.

JD did not ‘Just Dance’. But did have four more Port & Brandy’s and is feeling ‘a little bit better’.

It gets to about 11pm and we’re sort of ordered to bed:

M.I.L: “Tinkerbell. What do you mean you’re not tired? It’s Christmas Eve! Have a Port & Brandy and you’ll drop right off”

JD and the F.I.L (Father In-Law) accept this offer and instead of going to bed went across to the flat to wrap some presents.

JD to Me: “Won’t be long, just gotta wrap your present then I’ll be up to get mine” (wink wink nudge nudge)

So without the help of a Port & Brandy I go upstairs to our room to basically wrap myself up in some seductively chosen bows - Obviously - as paper would be noisy and could result in paper cuts.

And I wait.

And wait.

Wait a bit more.

Start Reading my book.

Look at the clock – Midnight.

Wait.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

1 o’clock – British Standard Time:

BOOM!!!!! The bedroom door SLAMS OPEN and……..

“TINKERBELL he is YOUR responsibility now GET UP and sort him out!”

Me. Very Much Out Loud. Not in my head at all: “What. The. Fuck?”

I shit you not I thought Darth Vader had invaded dressed head to toe in Laura Ashley night ware.

M.I.L: “I said he is YOUR responsibility now get up and sort him out!”

The Laura Ashley-clad Darth Vader steps to the side to reveal JD. Pissed out of his head. Sick down his chest. Jeans around his ankles……

I do the only thing I can do when faced with Darth and JD, during my first Christmas at the in-laws: I leap out of bed; semi naked, with bows (that were strategically placed) now stuck to my elbow, cheek and shin.

Thank the Lord of Primark that I had remembered to bring my Polka-Dot dressing gown!

So I come out of the bedroom scanning the thick, plush cream carpets for his dirty protest and find none –

Me: “Where were you sick?”

M.I.L: “I’ll tell you where he was sick: In the BATHROOM RIGHT OVER THE B-DEY – He has RUINED CHRISTMAS!!!!!”

JD: “Shudup Mother”

I take a peek around the corner into the bathroom expecting to see the dirty protest. Instead I see the F.I.L, in just his pants, on his hands and knee’s cleaning it up. God love him.

I turn to JD:

Me: “Ok lets get you to bed”

JD: “NO NOT YET!!! I NEEEEEED to be sick again”

F.I.L: “Not in this bathroom you’re not – I’ve just bleached it”

JD: “Fine I’ll go to the downstairs bathroom” ……….. And off he goes.

I follow with fresh p.j’s, towels, and shower gel and attempt to sort out the carnage that is JD.

Once clean JD continues to sit on the loo, swaying, insisting he is going to be sick – we’ve been here for half an hour.

I’ve finally had enough. I pull him up, walk him to the galleried hallway and…………

JD: “It’s coming!!! I’M GOING TO BE SICK AGAIN!!!!!!”

I grab a bowl and the echo falls, that is a grown man being sick, came forth and thundered. Sweet Jesus I don’t know where he got it from!

It is now 3am. I have finally got JD in bed. We are surrounded by old towels, dust sheets and bowls.

I start to drift off to sleep ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BOOM!!!!! 6:30AM and Darth Vader is at the door armed with 2 cups of tea:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Guilty Pleasure” - I’m not scared

2012-10-11T12:39:00.004+01:00

‘Guilty Pleasure’ – why? Why is it a ‘Guilty Pleasure’? It’s not dodgy – it’s something you like so why ‘Guilty’ like it’s a criminal offense to discuss or admit to?

Do not panic! I’m not talking about kinky f@ckery or anything like that – I’m talking about music.

As you all know I have a fabulous relationship with music and it accompanies me and the boys each and every day whether it be the Radio (#TeamGrimmy), TV or Playlist on my iPhone (and yes Apple Technologies – I’m pimping your stuff so pimp my blog and send me an iPhone 5).

I wish I could sing or play a musical instrument but I can’t – I mean I do have the power of ‘Dance’ as one of my super human skills that most are jealous of but to sing would be awesome! I’d make a brilliant Rock Star – I have the shoes and everything.

It does piss me off when people turn around and say “This song is my guilty pleasure” – WTF??? It’s a song – don’t be afraid – let us know your choices (unless it’s Death Metal or some crap like that).

It’s not just dates that mark milestones in our lives; songs do too.

When I was pregnant with the MSB I used to play him loads of music. You could instantly tell which ones he liked as he’d dance a mini rumba in my belly!! I loved it, loved sharing something with him that was just us.

The MSB’s favourite was John Mayer: No Such Thing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1W2UddURXI the John Mayer thing only lasted through the pregnancy and then we moved onto other songs – I have a tendency to fall in and out of love with musicians and their songs and forget about my obsessions with their albums.

So john Mayer was lost until last year when a colleague at work asked to look at my iTunes (Apple I’m pimping again) and recommended some more John Mayer and a few others. It jump started my memories of being pregnant and that evening I put on ‘No Such Thing’ whilst cooking the dinner – I must of done something right whilst pregnant as the MSB came running into the kitchen stating: “This is my favourite song Mum!!! It makes me smile!” – I tell you what I nearly bloody fainted!

Just imagine if it was mandatory to submit a soundtrack to your lives? If you had to pick just three Albums per decade, what would yours be?

Mine?.......

Decade 1 The 1980’s – When I wasn’t allowed to touch the Record Player/Tape Deck:

1) Wham: Club Tropicana – I used to share a bedroom with my Sister and she was 13 years older than me so she used to be getting ready for a night on the town listening to this and discussing perms with her mates! Best Song: Club Tropicana of Course!

2) Fleetwood Mac: Tango in the Night - My parents getting back together and listening to this whilst travelling down to our annual holiday in Cornwall. Best Song: Everywhere

3) Pink Floyd: The Wall

Decade 2 The 1990’s – When I had my own tape deck and could record things off of the Top 40 on a Sunday and the era of Film Soundtracks:

1) Extreme II: Pornograffiti – My first love, lying on his bed listening to ‘More than Words’. Best Song: More Than Words

2) Massive Attack: Blue Lines – Second boyfriend era (idiot) but also the era of going to gigs and concerts. Best Song: Hymn of The Big Wheel

3) Nirvana: Nevermind. Best Song: Come as you are.

Decade 3 The 2000’s – When I met the MSB’s Dad and the Nokia 8210 was all the rage:

1) Justin Timberlake: Like I love You – Passing my driving test and having a CD player in my car! Best Song: Senorita

2) Coldplay: Parachutes – Awesome. Best Song: Parachutes

3) Paolo Nutini: These Streets – Delicious Voice but dark times for me. Best Song: Loving You

Decade 4 The 2010’s – When I recovered from the 2000’s and was waiting to hit my 30’s as my 20’s hadn’t been pleasant:

1) John Mayer: Continuum (this was released mid 90’s but passed me by) – This has got to be one of my all-time favourites EVER! Best song: In Repair

2) Charlie Simpson: Young Pilgrim – Absolutely Brilliant Album. Best Song: Sundown

3) Mumford and Sons: Sigh No More. Best Song: Awake My Soul

The next time someone says to you “I can’t believe you like that song”: Tell them to do one!

or you find yourself saying “This is my guilty pleasure” – Don’t! It’s a song FFS!

The battle for ‘Big School’

2012-09-27T18:46:00.000+01:00

We’ve reached the point where the MSB is gearing up for ‘Big School’.

We’ve spent the entire Summer Holiday’s saying to him that when he goes back to school he’ll be in the prestigious YEAR 6! I mean what’s more awesome than YEAR 6?? Other than no more school obviously?

There will be more homework, more responsibility. The teachers will be discussing ‘Secondary Selection’, ‘First Choice’, ‘Second Choice’ and that’s just to me so god knows what they’re going on about to the boy!

When I was at primary school it was basically a case of ‘I hope I’m going to the school nearest my house’ as at the time I lived miles away from my primary school and the walking was a piss-off.

It was back in the day of the ‘Thirteen Plus’ exams. So basically you got to settle into Secondary school, bond with people, get used to where everything was then do a Grammar School exam at the age of 12 resulting in half your mates going on to Grammar School (brown uniform so I pitied them) and the other half moving to a different form group.

I took the Thirteen Plus and failed. Not by much because let’s face it: I am f@cking brainy and a lot of you are jealous of my intelligence. But by enough to make my parents question what I had been doing when I said I was ‘Revising with my mates’ (working at the local shop, earning money to buy fags and cider on a Friday night – I know; the class, the sophistication of it all).

So off went a lot of my mates and I settled into a new form. I met one of my best friends there and we’re still mates today so it wasn’t all bad!

But now it’s all different. At the end of Year 5 we were asked if we were going to put the Medium Sized Boy through the ‘Eleven Plus’ – he was Nine for God’s Sake. He still wants me or his Dad to put him to bed each night!

We decided against him taking the exam. We knew he wouldn’t pass - I don’t mean this in a mean, horrible way at all. I know what my Son’s strengths and abilities are and I also know that he would not cope with what is asked of pupils at Grammar Schools.

So here we are. Present day. And we find ourselves with our next big decision: WHAT SECONDARY SCHOOL SHALL WE CHOOSE????? I’ve typed this in capitals as it’s a big thing.

So which one?

· The Academy that’s only just been academised (yes that’s a real word)?

· The Catholic School?

· The further to walk comprehensive?

The Academy is the school I used to attend and although it’s been Academised, so will have plenty of cash injected into it, I’m dubious as to whether it will be suitable.

The Catholic School would be ideal.

The further to walk comp – nope.

So that leaves the Catholic School and filling in the application form for the Catholic School. Now hopefully if God is watching (and can read the form) he will forgive the teeny-tiny things we’ve done to 'help' the boy get in!

Q: “Are you Catholic?”

A: “Definitely” (My Grandma and Dad are Catholic ergo the boy is)

Q: “What is your address?” – This is to do with Catchment Area Criteria – Apparently if you live further away, even if you are part of the faith, you’re less likely to get in so…

A: “Right next door to the school”

Q: “What qualities do you feel your child can bring to the school academically?”

A: “His Lego building abilities”

Q: “Does the child have a sibling at the school?”

A: “YES!!! His real life, actual, definitely look the same Brother!” (Technically it’s his step-brother that’s half Chinese)

So the forms have been submitted. And now we wait – all chuffing year.

I knew there would be times like these – testing your parental abilities to the max – and I do pray to God that I don’t muck this one up for him. I’ve managed to muck up quite a lot for him through my ridiculous choices in life (men) and I can quite honestly say that despite what I’ve put my Son through he’s turned out to be a good kid, a credit to me and his Dad. I have to thank the support and input from my Mum, Brother, sister-In-Law, Besties, JD and lately my Dad. Without them I’d be nothing and things would be totally different.

I never thought when I was pregnant or even when I was trying for a baby about any of these things. I was completely selfish and wanted a baby: My baby.

Yet completing that one thing and the end result being a tiny bundle of joy (or in the boy’s case a bundle of joy about the size of a Dolphin): you completely give yourselves to them. It is, in most cases, one of the last times you think of what you want.

Now I want for my Son, for his life to be that much better, the best for him.

P.S: if any of your kids didn’t get their first choice then A) I’m sorry and B) I sincerely hope God sees point A as a nice deed and adds that to the Boy’s points for getting into the Catholic school.

It’s been a while…… And no, I’m not talking sex

2012-09-19T12:32:00.001+01:00

Well what can I say? :

I'm sorry
It won't happen again
I've caused you all so much loss and heart wrenching pain

????

Yeah I know, I started a blog, came out with some fanf@ckingtastic ideas and then let it slip slide away and let my ridiculous life get in the way of it all…

Oh well after a recent enquiry as to whether I still write a blog: "Do you still do your blog?" I decided to get my backside in gear and get publishing some of the stuff I've been secretly noting down……

What has happened to me in the past year? Sweet f@cking Jesus it's been mad! READY??? SET??? GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a nightmare Christmas of working all the hours under the sun our fuel bill did actually look like we'd been travelling to the Sun and back each day. The Dirty Robbing Bastards.

So myself and JD sat down for about 5 minutes and hatched a brilliant, money saving, G.E.N.I.U.S plan……."LET'S MOVE HOUSE!"

How hard could this be? We'd both moved before (not together), people did this everyday – it'll be fine……

We found and secured a house (apparently Estate Agents knowing the ins and outs of a Ducks Arse and my inside leg measurement is required when moving).

We moved in March and decided we'd not employ professional movers – we'd do it all ourselves. I was getting in from work and finding that JD had decided to "help" with the "packing" I put these words into quotation marks because JD's idea of packing is boxes marked with "My Crap", "Your Crap" and "Kids Crap". Any people viewing said boxes would have no confusion about the fact our house was full of shit.

So off we went one Saturday morning… All it took was 3 van loads, a body builder, a 5 year old, Me, JD, Mumina and a really lovely Anally Retentive letting agent (ARLA) to make the day go brilliantly.

We get to the house and via text message I get:

ARLA:	"Your deposit hasn't cleared"
Me:	"It was paid in full, in cash, yesterday"
ARLA:	"Yes but on my system its showing as not cleared"
Me:	"What system?"
ARLA:	"Our system"
Me:	"What exactly is it saying on your system?"
ARLA:	"That the money is there but it doesn't say cleared"
Me:	"Can you spend it?"
ARLA:	"Pardon?"
Me:	"Can you go to a cashpoint, draw out the money and spend it?"
ARLA:	"Well yes of course, but it hasn't cleared"
Me:	"Then it's cleared"
ARLA:	"No because it doesn't say 'cleared'

I had to leave this conversation then due to my lack of patience, the fact I was seriously considering taking up smoking again and that I needed a wee.

1 hour, 2 visits to the bank, 2 visits to ASDA (I needed a wee, twice) later we were in the house and began unloading the van.

As we only told a few people that we were moving – we wanted it to be a surprise (Que laughter at this the very thought of this now) we only had the help of the body Builder who had to leave halfway through the day due to a Body Building event (I know a body builder - at a Body Building event? Who'd a thought it?) Anyway I digress – We were one man down (well 2 really when you see the size of him) and the fish tank was still to be moved………

You know that moment you fear the most? All the hairs on the back of your neck stand up? Beads of sweat can be seen on your face? That was the reaction my body went into whenever JD discussed the moving of a 6Ft by 4Ft Marine Fish Tank.

I knew JD needed to get the tank moved and the sooner the better or his OCD's would kick in and he'd start repeatedly washing his hands and stuttering. I also knew that for our relationship to last I should not take part in the moving of the fish tank. JD rang round a few mates and then one unsuspecting fool said "Yeah mate, no worries, I'll help you".

It was getting dark and I needed to get on with unpacking, take Mumina home and get some dinner sorted out. 6 hours later I return home and operation 'Fish Tank' was coming to a close: JD's unsuspecting mate had had to stand in the back of a removal van, in the pitch black, holding onto an empty tank whilst the fish rode in buckets up front with JD!!! JD had to keep pulling over to check his mate hadn't been crushed by the tank and that the fish were stable (God only knows how you check if is fish is 'Stable' – check his bank balance?). They'd got the tank in the new house and were filling it up when I got back.

We finally sat down at about 11pm. JD kept almost a constant vigil; tank-side, watching the fish and checking they were eating etc…

Over the next couple of weeks we unpacked, got all the rooms sorted and went back to our normal working lives without the payments to travel to the Sun and back. We were almost smug at how well we'd done and how well the children had coped with it all. We even remembered to bring the cat with us!

We had our first 'Official' Family Movie Night a few weeks after we moved. We had popcorn, sweets and lots of alcohol (not for the kids obviously – the sweets would rot their teeth). We go to bed loving our new house and happy that we'd made, hopefully, the right choice.

We get up Saturday morning and………..

ALL THE F@CKING FISH WERE DEAD!

Delayed shock apparently.

WTF Has happened????

2012-02-06T14:11:00.001+00:00

Well it’s most certainly been a long time since I last wrote and I must apologise profusely as I know you’ve all deeply missed me – Yeah right.

I feel I may have slightly spoiled you in the beginning and let you all in on far too much, too soon. That and the fact I’ve been proper, mad busy since September. I also fear you have all left me forever and gone on to read bigger, better blogs….

So what have I, my Maaaaad Children and JD been up to?? Much of the same strange things has occurred as before…. Just the other day I had a bed pan full of urine thrown at me and then went on to talk to a dead person for over a minute.

Yes, you read correctly…Bed Pan, Urine, and Dead Person.

As most of you know I work in a hospital and was busy working, one evening on a Ward, upgrading the televisions in the patients’ rooms.

It started well going from room to room with me pushing a giant red ladder and pulling a trolley full of remote controls, Freeview boxes and other TV paraphernalia.

The first incident came in the form of me knocking over a man’s false leg. He wasn’t wearing it (luckily), it was propped up against a wall and I didn’t notice it. I just found it odd that it was:

A) Wearing a shoe, indoors

And

B) Propped up on the wall furthest away from the bed

I first apologised for knocking over said leg and then asked the man if he’d like it put in his locker? To which he replied: “Yes please, I’ve already had one nicked”.

This did lead to A LOT of burning questions I had a desire to ask but didn’t as time was ticking on and it could be deemed as rude. Is false leg questioning taboo? I don’t know, but thought it best not to go there.

So I left false leg man and carried on with the rooms. In the next room I came to, on my merry dance of TV repairs, I found a man sitting in his chair doing the Times Crossword ("Ahhh" I thought "He'll be ok"). We discussed the weather, his stay in hospital and couple of clues from the crossword – It was going so well until I heard him utter “show me your tits”…

Me “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that?” (Smile on my face trying not to look scared or annoyed)

Boob Man “I said: Won’t you show me your tits? You look like a fine woman and it’d be a lovely treat for a man of my age”.

Me “I’m sorry, by doing that you could either end up with another heart attack, or vomitting and I don’t want to be responsible for either”

I left him laughing, with Dickenson’s Real Deal on the TV and me in shock…

“WHAT ELSE CAN HAPPEN?”

The next room I came to I didn’t even get a chance to ask if I was allowed in.. A bed pan came flying at me followed by another, full of urine… I ducked. It was a brilliant shot and an unlucky miss for the lady that threw it. For me it was confirmation that I had reached a strange high of my day… Or so I thought.

I turned the corner and begun the home stretch, I could see the finish line… The only way is up right?

No….

I decided that for the rest of the rooms I should just keep my head down, not make eye contact, get in there and get the job done:

I entered, told the patient what I was doing there, keeping my ‘no eye contact’ rule, changed the boxes over, put the signs up, went to give the patient the remotes……………… And he was dead.

I MUST point out that:

A) There were NO signs on the door indicating a departed soul was in there

B) He was NOT alive when I went in there and I had bored him to death

C) I apologised to him and quickly left the room

The rest of the rooms came and went in a blur (yes I was mad enough to finish the ward).

The ward clerk consoled me by saying “At least they didn’t throw vomit at you, which happened to me twice last week”.

I thanked my lucky stars it wasn’t vomit, as that stuff sticks.

BACK TO SCHOOL – Oh Yeahhhhh!! A day in the life of our strange mixed up family!!

2011-09-01T16:38:00.002+01:00

“Hello Mummy, is it wakey time? I’ve wet the bed”………..

BANG!!! That’s me up, dressing gown on, checking the time – 4:30 AM - Hmm not quite ‘Wakey’ time.

ME, Whispering- “OK honey, did it wake your brother?”

SSB, Loud Whispering – “NO!! I it was a quiet wee, silly Mummy, but I did lick his face and that might have blisturbed him”

ME, Whispering – “You mean ‘Disturbed’ and please don’t lick your brother, we can’t guarantee he washes”

(He and the MSB have bunk beds so he must have ascended the ladder (most probably rather noisily) grabbed his brother’s face and licked it)

I’m in Autopilot mode now; clean sheet, bed mats, PJ’s and baby wipes are waiting by the SSB’s bed.

The light stays off as I strip the bed, remake, and redress the SSB. I hear a soft snore from the top bunk, phew! We can put the licking incident down to a dream – two boys awake at 4:30 AM?? No thank you down that road – madness lies.

I’m back in bed by 4:35 AM… Thank God it’s the weekend and I can get a lie-in – yeah right, it takes me over an hour to get back to sleep, then it’s getting light outside, then I hear the ‘pad pad padding’ of the SSB getting up….

“Please stay in bed just a little while longer” I think…. And BINGO he does, I can hear him playing with the teddy bears in his bed!! ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Mummy! I’ve been awake for all the day and now I’m bery bery hungry”……………

BANG!!!!! Dressing gown on, down stairs, breakfast etc. – 7:30AM. Sometimes I get lucky and the MSB will get up with the SSB, stick a DVD on for them (I know, shock horror, letting my kids watch a DVD so that I can get more sleep) and sort out the breakfast. This is, of course, for a ‘small fee’ but it’s worth it!!!

And that’s how most of my week end mornings go!!! It’s part of my routine - I like routine.

I’m a terrible one for Summer Holidays - EVERYTHING gets turned upside down – the routine goes and I hate it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it if we’re on holiday somewhere where the work, washing and pets aren’t calling…

But trying to work full time in the summer hols whilst your children almost divorce you for doing so is not fun.

So I’m now in the phase of getting ‘bery bery’ excited about the boys going back to school!! Back to the old routine!! It’s not as normal as most people’s and can be crazy at times; there can be tears, tantrums, refusing to get dressed (and that’s just me)……

Monday’s aren’t too bad as it’s just the SSB and me I have to sort out (the MSB is at his Dad’s).

JD gets up about 5:50AM I’m not programmed to hear his alarm so it doesn’t disturb me….. My alarm comes a little bit later either in the form of “Mummy….” Or Mumford & Sons “Awake My Soul” – I had a slight obsession with this album when it came out and thought “I’ll have that song as my alarm tone!” Big Mistake as I’d now like to hunt Marcus Mumford down and awake his soul at twenty past six in the morning. I know I could change this but like I said I’m now programmed to LEAP out of bed at this….. Or press snooze….

So we’re up and usually hit the first hurdle of:

SSB - “I’m not wearing those pants”

ME – “Why?”

SSB – “They’re not cool; they’ve got stupid diggers on”

ME – “Ok, what are cool pants then?”

SSB – “The ones with boats on”

Naturally these are in the wash……

ME – “Bubs, please just wear those and we can swap them when we get to Mummy’s house” ” – it sounds odd that the SSB calls me Mummy as well as his real Mummy, it’s not something I’ve insisted on or anything like that – he’s chosen to call me that, I think because the MSB does and he copies everything his big bro does.

SSB as he’s walking back to his bedroom – “Hmmm we’ll see…”

I find him half an hour later hiding in my wardrobe – this seems to be something little boys do when it comes to discovering their preferred choice of briefs is not available! I remember the MSB hiding in one of my kitchen cupboards when he was about 5 because they Megatron pants were in the wash – apparently the leader of the Decepticons should not bow down and wear pants brandishing Optimus Primes face – Silly Mummy!

The pants are on and we come to the second hurdle: “I’m not going to school today; I’m going to Argos for the day”. Argos is the sacred home of Moshi Monsters and Ben10 Figures…

Luckily this is not my fight – “You’ll have to discuss that with Mummy”

So we negotiate that this will be discussed when back with his Mum…..

Out the door at 7:45 AM

SSB dropped off at about 8:00 AM and we’re off to work….

I get to work about 9:15 – I LOVE MY JOB and I LOVE going to work! Staying at home as a full time Mum has proved to be my downfall in the past, it just didn’t run smoothly. Don’t get me wrong, I have constant cloud of guilt following me around when I work full time – I don’t get to see a lot of the MSB and I’m not in a position to work part time. Sometimes I feel quite sick when I add up the actual hours I’ve spent with the MSB over the course of the week.

It’s taken a while to love my job, when I first passed my Project Management exams and began work as a PM for the NHS I was shit at it, quite frankly. I had absolutely no leadership qualities at all! I knew the theory but couldn’t quite put it into practise. I prefer being told what to do in all honesty.

So I go through my working day which can sometimes involve me walking a lot throughout the hospital or just sitting at my desk doing stuff there, I’d love to say I’m very busy and important and am the lynchpin of the NHS – I’m not. I’m more of a ‘Go To Girl’ for the IT projects and partake in managing certain things but I love it.

I leave work at different times each day depending on what’s occurring with the MSB. I’m lucky in the fact Mumina works 6AM - 2PM so the MSB gets dropped off there by one of the lovely Mums from school whom I share the school run with.

Monday’s I finish about six and get to Mumina’s for half past. JD is already there as its 5 aside night so we use Mumina’s as a pit stop.

Monday is about the only night we all get to eat dinner as a family, the rest of the time MSB eats with Mumina, then I pick him up, get home for about half 7 and make dinner for me and JD.

If I’ve been super organised I’ve already prepped the dinner and just have to chuck it in a pan/wok or the oven – it’s not ideal but it works for us and until we move closer to our jobs, the MSB’s school and our families it is what it is.

On a good night we’re sitting down together by 9PM – so about once a week then!!! The MSB has to be in bed by 8:30pm purely due to the crazy time we have to leave each morning… But for me the washing, tidying and organising starts calling…..

We go through this routine until Friday night – Movie and Pizza night!! I get to cuddle up with my boys and relax.................ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Hello Mummy, is it wakey time? I’ve wet the bed”………..

BANG!!!

Domestic Violence & Me

2011-08-25T11:36:00.003+01:00

I came across the Refuge Link whilst watching a Chase & Status music video; the song is called ‘Time’, you can You Tube it – I was not allowed to ‘share’ it on Facebook as it was deemed as inappropriate by them.
It seemed strange for me to come across the Refuge Link at this time, like most people there are significant dates in their life – A wedding Date, Birth Date – Happy dates! There are also very poignant dates for people and the end of August is one for me.

Lots of people have a ‘story’ or ‘their story’, in most cases it shapes them as adults, effects how they raise their children or can even affect their decision to have children and in a lot of cases effects people in their relationships.
I have no problem telling my story, it’s often repeated and I expect those close to me tire from it!!! But to me it’s cathartic, like mini counselling, plus maybe if you know where I’ve come from you’ll understand why I’m the person I am today:

In August 2007 I was told that my ex-partner would be released from serving just 4 weeks, on remand, in Elmley Prison for trying to stab me on my front lawn.
The Magistrates said that “He would not get the support he needed for his drug and alcohol problems, in prison”. This came after suffering 18months of domestic violence during a 22 month relationship.
Where did I meet such a person that would do that? I was working at a local pub and he used to drink there. I also partially knew him from school – he was in my brother’s year, so was 2 years older than me. We began going out together.
Things started turning a little sour after a couple of months with him, and he was living with me by then (Rookie mistake, I know).

He never had any money despite working full time - I paid for everything. One night I asked him if he was ever going to contribute anything and he went off on one about how he was in debt – his ex-partner had taken him to the cleaners over his 2 children etc. blah blah.
All lies, all total bullshit – but I believed him, like a complete idiot.
It wasn’t until someone at the pub caught him taking cocaine in the toilets that I actually began to realise where all his money went – I felt sick, I’ve never been one for that side of life, each to their own and all that, but when it starts to affect my life I’ve got something to say – so I said it… The result? He tried to bite my nose off then knocked me out with one of my best saucepans.

So now we hear you all say – right, go to the police get the help you need, get him out of your life… I didn’t. He was full of “I’m sorry, I’ll stop taking the drugs, it’ll be a fresh start..”
So I opted for the fresh start route… it didn’t work, obviously, little things kept happening. My make-up bag had some new, extra thick foundation for covering up bruises, cuts and fag burns and I felt so much out of my depth it was like I was drowning…
He used to say things like:
“The police would never believe you if you went to them now, you know, it’s been going on too long… They’ll think you’re stupid…”
“I won’t let you leave me, you belong to me now…”

So we get to Saturday 6^th May 2006. We had been out for the day with his brother, had a lovely time together and yes we’d been drinking. We get home, he turns and says “I knew you’d fancied my brother” and then punches me right on the nose…. After that it’s all a bit hazy….
Apparently, so the statement says, he basically beat me around the kitchen, smashed glasses at me, burnt me and some other things that don’t require repetition.
I come to, lying on my kitchen floor with a police lady and paramedic standing over me asking me if I can open my eyes….
We do the hospital thing, I have no broken bones, they say I’m lucky I had been drinking as I was so relaxed and I passed out. I do have a fractured eye socket but I let it heal without treatment.

He was imprisoned overnight and then released on bail. He came straight to me and told me if I pressed charges he would kill my Son and my Mum. If he was capable of doing all the things he did to me then I truly believed his was capable of killing them.
A court date was given and he was released by the magistrates, ordered to get help.
I was left to it.

My family obviously offered to help but I was too frightened.
We moved to a new house with the promise of “I’ll never drink again” and he didn’t most of the time, he worked, provided me with money and I lived a half-life.
There were times when I had to grab the MSB from his bed, late at night as I knew the storm was brewing, to find solace at my friend’s house.

And then I’d go back.

No one understood why I stayed; they had no idea what he’d do. The police were no help, I was told because I kept taking him back I didn’t have much of a case for getting him imprisoned and they couldn’t risk the waste of resources on something I ‘may change my mind about’.

So we come to the last chapter….June 2007 a Saturday. He’d been out all day, I knew what was coming….

Bang through the door, demanding money so he can ‘go back out’ (in other words go buy drugs), I said no and copped it.
I was lying on the floor and he was trying to strangle me and I pretended to pass out “I have to get out – tell someone” I thought. He got off me and went into the kitchen – I saw him take the knife out of the kitchen drawer and I just ran – out of the house, banging on the neighbour’s doors and screaming for someone to help me.
He followed, knocked me down and was waving the knife about, cutting arms, my hands, my face… he was just about to stab me when my neighbour came out of his house with a golf club and smacked my partner away from me. God love him, he picked me up and took me into his house and told me the police were on their way.

The police came, I told them everything, and they assured me that was it now – he’d be locked up – alright then…..We’ll see

I had fractured ribs, a fractured arm and a miscarriage….
That was it, I’d had enough, I went and got a restraining order through the help of the citizen’s advice Bureau – I had to pay £50-00 for it!
I went back to work on the Tuesday and continued studying for my Project Management exams that were coming up – I passed by the way.

And you know the rest…. 4 weeks on remand and then let go.

I had to move back in with my Mum as was too scared to live on my own – I would wake up in the morning and find my back garden in a state, the wing mirrors ripped off my car. It just wasn’t safe.

I had no idea about ‘Refuge’ and the other help available to me – hence the link yesterday….. I’d like all of you to repost the link, if at all possible, to help raise awareness of the help that’s out there for people that have a story like mine….

It’s strange isn’t it? The magistrates said my ex wouldn’t get the support he needed for his problems – Like a get out clause or literally a ‘Get out of Jail Free’ card.
I understand alcohol heightens things and can make things worse, but everyone has it in them to know the difference between right or wrong – it’s whether they choose to act on it or not.

So that’s my story – grotty isn’t it?

But it’s made me the person I am today, oddly enough.
I still make mistakes – life doesn’t come with a set of instructions, but I make sure I learn from them, try to help others not make the mistakes I did.

“I'm setting booty traps”... “You mean booby traps?”......“THAT’S WHAT I SAID! BOOBY TRAPS!”

2011-08-22T15:54:00.000+01:00

I’m nosey, really nosey. Not in an offensive hoping to find some good gossip way, more of a love of studying people, their movements, body language and the way they speak, kind of way.

I especially love listening and watching the way my family speak and act.

At times it’s fantastic just to sit and watch the two Sons together, listening to their funny conversations and their laughter, like the delicious sound of water trickling over rocks.

Communication and words are fantastic and they’re also bloody funny when people get them wrong….

This seems to happen a lot in our family hence my reference to ‘Data’, from the film Goonies, in the title – JD reminds me of Data A LOT!! God love him, you can’t help but laugh at the things he comes out with. Examples: -

Watching TV and giving JD a scalp massage (and yes you’re right – it should be the other way round) after a while:

JD: ”mmmm this feels really sentinel, you know?”

Me: “Sentinel?”

JD: “Yeah sentinel, where it feels all nice and you know ….. niiice!”

Me: “You mean ‘sensual’”

JD: “Do I?”

Me: “I fricking hope so!”

Driving through the country on a family day out:

ME: “JD, you’re driving like a knob”

JD: “I am not I know these roads like the back of my hand”

Me: “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should drive like a knob”

JD (getting red and angry at my ‘knob’ comment): “The kids are in the car I am hardly going to start driving all erotically with them in it, am I?!!!!!”

Me: “Erratically. Erotically means the arousing of sexual desire. You mean ‘Erratically’ ”

JD: “Right, you can drive”.

It’s not just JD that comes out with the corkers, the MSB and SSB hold their own in this subject as well. Examples:

SSB:-

I’m just pottering round the house doing the house work and take some washing up stairs where the SSB jumps out on me, holding a chop stick and cries:

SSB: “Beverly Tortoise!”

Me: “Pardon?”

SSB: “I said Beverly Tortoise”

Me: “SSB what are you saying bubs? I don’t understand?”

SSB: “I’m not SSB! I’m Hairy Porter!”

Me: “Oh! You’re Harry Potter, and the chop stick is your wand?”

SBB: “Yes that’s right, Hairy Porter. Now - BEVERLY TORTOISE!”

Me (due to my infinite Potter Knowledge): “Ahhh you mean ‘Levicorpus’! You’re shouting a spell at me!”

SSB (stomping off): “Mummy, you just don’t get this game!”

Eating dinner one Friday night:

SSB “Mmmm I love this Bersarnyard!”

JD: “What did he just say?”

Me & MSB: “He loves this Lasagne”

MSB:-

On getting a haircut:

Me: “How do you want your hair cut?”

MSB: “Like Justin Beaver’s”

Me: “You mean Justin Bieber?”

MSB: “Is that his proper name? ‘Bieber’? That’s just stupid!”

Me: “And ‘Beaver isn’t?”

(I’ve heard several other children refer to the small irritant as Justin Beaver rather than Justin Bieber which brings me to the conclusion that none of the kids actually like him and it’s all just an elaborate joke to wind him up)

On listening to my iPod:

MSB: “Have you got any Wobberly Williams?”

ME: “Robbie Williams?”

MSB: “Yep, that’s what I said”

Now this subject would not be complete if I didn’t add a couple of crazy Mumina conversations….

On Mumina, in the O2 shop, looking at mobile phones:

Me to the O2 Lady: “My Mother needs a touchscreen phone that can display a QWERTY keypad as she can’t get to grips with using the normal 1-9 buttons for a text message”

Mumina: “I don’t want it! It’ll show dirty finger prints on the screen. I won’t put up with finger prints on mirrors so I won’t put up with it on a phone!”

O2 Lady: “We actually do a touchscreen phone that comes with a stylus”

Mumina: “A What?”

O2 Lady: “It’s like a pen”

Mumina: “Well if I don’t want finger prints on a phone I’m hardly gonna want ink all over the sodding thing am I?”

On getting an iPad:

Mumina: “I want an iPat”

Me: “You mean an iPad, and why?”

Mumina: “Well I wanna text people and Sandra at work’s got one and she plays games on it. I might want to play a game one day”

Me: “You text from your phone Mum, an iPad is more for internet use and downloading things”

Mumina: “Sandra plays ‘Upset Birds’, she says it’s really good so I’m going to get one and you can’t stop me”

Me: “Ok then. But why don’t you start by getting the internet first?”

Obviously I make mistakes with words and phrases but considering this is my blog, you might not ever get to hear about those…. I will ensure to keep you posted on what the people in my life say as I’m positive they will keep coming out with those little gems!

In the words of Dr.Seus:

“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”

Depression and Harry Potter – the boy that helped me live.

2011-08-18T17:28:00.002+01:00

On Sunday I took my niece, Bernard, to watch the last ever Harry Potter film. It was so emotional for me; I forgot how much I’d relied on the books and films in the past. This may sound strange to you all so let me explain…….

7 years ago I was diagnosed with acute Post Natal depression. Almost TWO years after I had my Son.

I was only diagnosed because I had a Nervous Breakdown…

(There were also a number of other events that led to this breakdown, not just the birth of my gorgeous boy – I’ll tell you about that another time….)

During this Break Down period I came very, very close to killing myself…

I saw myself as a useless Mum that had failed her Son, my family and everyone I knew…. And I was very; very scared about everything I was going through.

I knew I had to get help and Mumina encouraged me to go to counselling and I began to take Anti-Depressants – both helped immensely but I still found it very hard to switch off and was still a very big ‘worrier’. I spent so many hours in the day just worrying about really ridiculous things… “What shall I cook for dinner?”…”The House isn’t tidy enough”…. “The washing needs to all be done in one day, including ironing etc..” “Am I looking after the MSB ok?? Am I doing enough??? Am I a good Mum?” So there I’d sit worrying and worrying over and over, analysing everything to the point where I would have a massive panic attack and could barely leave the house for a week.

I didn’t have a job and my partner preferred that I stay at home, looking after the house and the MSB (I later learned that this was my downfall – I did not suit being the stay at home parent). I was bored and alone.

Then the first Harry Potter film came out…..

I thought it was amazing!!! Whose mind could come up with something like this?? I wanted more!!! G.E.N.I.U.S!!! And someone told me about the books… OMFG “There IS more???”.

This may sound like utter Bat Poo to a lot of you; “Harry Potter?? WTF???” but to me it was a life line, a perfect world I was looking for, where good will out and lots of madness and magic in between – a very good place to get lost......

I’ve always been a lover of books, but having a baby, house to run etc. makes you forget about yourself and what you like doing, so I made the announcement to the family;

“I’m going to start reading the Harry Potter books!” -To which they replied: “Have you stopped taking your medication?”

So I began to make time to read, it took a while, but after a few months I began to feel less stressed, if I thought I was going to have a panic attack or felt uneasy about something I used to list the spells I knew, A-Z, in my head until I calmed down… I used it as a diversion tactic and it bloody worked!!!!! Whenever I was going through some bad stuff – and there’s been some real bad stuff – out would come the books and I’d seek solace in them.

Life hasn’t been that kind to me, even after the break down, and I still take antidepressants. This enables me to cope with what life decides to throw at me…. Sometimes it chooses to ambush me rather than just a neat little throw and that’s where I’ve learnt to take a step back and think “OK, you’ve been to the brink, you can cope with this just put your mechanisms into place” And outcome my blessed relief into a different reality!!!

So when it came to watching the last film on Sunday I was shocked at the amount of tears falling down my face. I mean I still have the books, they’re still waiting for me on my book shelve if they’re needed.

But it just suddenly dawned on me just how much these books had saved me… I found myself thinking that my MSB could have been all alone and Motherless if I’d chosen a different route…. Luckily for me and him I didn’t.

Depression is an illness and at times it sucks balls, but the more you talk about it and be honest about it, the more people understand you. And if you’ve found you’re coping mechanism – then tell the world!!! =

Harry Potter Rocks!!!

I’m not embarrassing I AM a BRILLIANT Dancer!........ In my mind

2011-08-12T16:08:00.000+01:00

I’ve always loved to dance. When I was a little girl I wanted to be either a Dancer when I grew up or a Barmaid (I have achieved the latter….. A Lot).

I love a good old family get together, village hall, buffet made by the Auntie’s and a bar consisting of a wallpapering table covered in a white single bed sheet, hosting warm cans of beer, warm wine and 20 large bottles of warm lemonade systematically exploding every time a child approaches the ‘bar’ for a drink.

I’m first up on the dance floor and the last to leave. My mantra –

“Dance like nobody’s watching!!!”

Which invariably I do, much to the disgust of the MSB, the SSB thinks it’s brilliant and is usually my partner in crime , JD knows there’s no use fighting it anymore and just pretends not to know me.

Now the MSB hasn’t always thought like this, there was a time I was the coolest Mummy in the world for dancing at all the parties or in the living room but then came “The Day of Shame”……

A couple of years ago I took Mumina, MSB and my niece; Bernard to Egypt for our summer holiday. My Brother had just got married and I offered to take Bernard so the newlyweds could enjoy their honeymoon in peace.

Anyway Bernard was OBSESSED with Hannah Montana at the time; she had the bikini, the bag, the back pack and knew all the songs. She was also very excited about “Hannah Montana, the Movie” being released and it just so happened that that was our in-flight movie! All through the holiday I kept catching Bernard singing the beginning of a song (called the Hoedown Throwdown) and trying to do the dance to it - over and over and over again. This eventually did mine, Mumina’s and the MSB’s heads in, we had to intervene and stop this!!! Bernard was adamant she would not stop until she knew the dance.

On returning back to England she studied You Tube and learnt the dance and me being the brilliant dancer that I am couldn’t help but ‘catch on’ to it as well…… And I may have downloaded the song onto my iPod as well.

So there I was a couple of weeks later doing the ASDA big shop, listening to my iPod whilst the MSB did the usual “I’m just going to look at the toys”. I was quite lost in the world of the Dairy Isle, listening to music and then the beats of Hannah Montana start mysteriously moving my limbs……

Before I know it I’m doing the full Hoedown Throwdown dance in the middle of the Dairy Isle.

And then I hear “OH MY GOD!!!! MUUUUUM you have ruined my life”… Everything stopped… It went cold (well I was in the Dairy Isle)….My mantra had come back and bitten me in the arse; about 50 people were staring at me, open mouthed in ASDA. Not good man, not good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhTbh78Y3m4

The MSB has never recovered from this and future dance routines have been met with disdain and a stamping out of the room. Examples of this include:

· On me emptying the dishwasher and dancing to Young MC “Know How” in my work suit and slippers ………

“If you continue to do that I shall divorce you as a parent. It is not cool and you look mental”

· On me doing the MC Hammer “Running Man” dance beside the pool on holiday…….

MSB’s Mate - “There’s your Mum, you can ask her for some money for the games room now”

MSB - “That’s not my Mum, I don’t know where she is”

· On me doing the Nicki Manaj “Super Bass” dance in the kitchen the other day……..

JD – “The MSB will never forgive you if he sees you doing that. You better get it out of your system before he gets back from his holiday…”

The MSB prays to the God of 9 Year Olds in the hope to make his Mother stop dancing, but I’m unstoppable and with a family Wedding coming up……

I could win the “Dancer of the Year” award (in my mind).

JD - Punch or Thank Him???

2011-08-11T18:48:00.000+01:00

After some thought yesterday I decided to tell JD about the blog, after all; it will mention him quite a lot… ;-)
So after dinner I told him about it all and asked him, rather nervously, if he wanted to read it and he said yes.
I waited in anticipation for his reaction…. And do you know what he said??? He came out with a whole load of criticisms!! I didn’t know whether to punch him in the face or thank him.
Let’s face it – it was my first blog and as my partner (in my mind) he should’ve left the criticising for possibly a week later rather than dish it all out at once!!
But I also know that he is one of my best friends so after the initial punching him the face reaction I realised that I should welcome his comments and see how I could improve the blog.

You wanna know more about JD and why I had the tendency to punch him in the face? (Actually I have that tendency on a day to day basis with quite a lot of people, not just JD!!)

JD has OCD’s and is a perfectionist and strives for it in everything he does. He’s also my perfect match.
When I first met him I just thought he was really moany about the way things should be in the house and me being ‘Miss Independent’ fought it all the way! This resulted in sooooooo many arguments it was unreal!! “Why do the cushions have to sit on the sofa like that? What’s wrong with the way I do them?” And “What does it matter if I didn’t draw the curtains in the living room before leaving for work… I was in a rush”. (And that’s him talking, not me).
It took me a long time to learn he borders slightly on the A Spectrum and things done differently to him can make him feel uncomfortable and play on his mind a lot. He’s a worrier – unlike me who’s so relaxed I’m horizontal!! So when it comes to his thoughts and views on the things I’ve done, such as writing a blog, he will critique it and it can come across as very harsh at times, but in his mind he’s doing it so that it will be perfect eventually and perfect is good, it’s calm and it’s correct.

Hmmm what else shall I tell you about JD??? I know –
Like a lot of men JD loves boobies!!! I can be talking to him about something, and know he’s not taking a blind bit of notice, and I’ll deliberately say “Boobies” and his head will pick up, back straight, eyes bright…”Where?”. I also mention this because it seems to be reflected more and more in the MSB and the SSB!! You want some examples?? OK:-

· On accompanying the SSB to nursery on Father’s Day to ice Ginger Bread Men …….“Daddy, look at my teacher’s REALLY BIG BOOBIES!!” at top volume across the school hall

· On asking the MSB and SSB what Daddy’s favourite thing was, thinking they’d say me…… “Boobies!!”

· On driving along with us all in the car, JD at the steering wheel, and having to do an emergency stop before hitting the car in front……. Me –“WTF are you doing” JD – “Sorry I was looking at that girls’ boobs”….Laughter and “Where, where?” coming from the back seat

Now believe or not it really doesn’t bother me because -

A) I’d love to have bigger boobs

B) They are a distraction, you just can’t help but notice some of them

And

C) Let’s face it ladies, now thanks to the era of skinny jeans, we can’t help but check out the tightness of men’s bum cheeks. Or , thanks to the JLS/The Wanted era of tight white vests and an open lumberjack shirt, we can’t help but look to see how ripped they are!!

My examples for this:-

· On watching the Celtic Vs Legends match the other night….. JD – “You normally read when I’m watching the footie?” ME – “I know, but Gerard Butler’s playing, and out of ten… I’d give him one”

· On my obsession with the X-Men films…… JD – “It’s because of the Wolverine I have to keep sitting through this shit, isn’t it?”

· On me choosing clothes for JD – “You’ve bought me the wrong size jeans… I can actually see the outline of my manhood” Me – “ I know”

So there you go – a little insight to my life with JD. You’ll get to know more about us along the way, but today I’ve kept it short as I’ve had a lot of work on, it’s nearly 7pm and I’ve got to go and fix a couple of things on the wards before I drive home to make dinner (Chicken Curry).

TTFN XXXX

We continue.... Blog Day 1

2011-08-10T15:31:00.000+01:00

OK as we're all on a learning curve here I have no problems with you all knowing what I look like - hence the profile pic and most people call me Tink for my love of Fairy's and differently normal way of thinking...

So hello, I'm Tink!
As I shall be writing about my family and closest ones (at times) I shall stick to nick names...

My Mum has always been known as Mumina and plays a major part in my life on practically a day to day basis.
My partner, whom I live with, is JD
My 9 year old son is MSB = Medium Sized Boy
My 4 year old step-son is SSB = Small Sized Boy

As I constantly work with computers and IT I have become more and more reliant on the spelling and grammar checkers so many apologies if there's ALOT of mistakes. What am I saying?? "If there's.." Of course there will be!

Thats the main characters sorted... Now lets bring you up to speed on what I've been up to lately. I'll only go back a couple of weeks as I know I shall touch on most of my past at some point and I don't want to inundate you with everything!!

Friday 5th August 2011 see's us flying back from 2 weeks in Turkey. Mumina paid for herself, me, JD and MSB to go. The SSB wasn't allowed to go as he's never been abroad before, only 4 and quite frankly I don't think his Mum was ready to be parted from him for 2 weeks - fair one in my opinion.
It wasn't the classiest hotel in the world and I managed to get a Bacterial Infection in my stomach and intestines - which was nice. Luckily the MSB didn't get it.

So we're back from holiday, bronzed and relaxed - wouldn't go to Turkey again, unless someone could recommend a super-duper hotel that's cool for kids etc..????? Post your suggestions my lovelies!!!

Monday see's me, JD and Mumina back to work and the MSB flying off to Spain with his Dad, Step-Mum, Brother and Sister - the lucky little monkey! Both the SSB and the MSB get double of EVERYTHING coming from split parent families. It's the guilt you see.

Monday also see's me fighting the work email battle... I won mainly due to the fact the mojority of it was Junk Mail and I'm obviously not that popular... My desk has also been violated by my colleague, who's a messy git.
So I spend the first part of the morning sorting that lot out, then on to the BIG stuff.... Online Banking... I was hearing the Jaws music all morning until our balances were finally revealed. I won't lie - it was painful, like the shark had actually got me....
Like the rest of civilisation at the moment; JD and I constantly worry about money. We're both self employed so there's no holiday pay and as Turkey was last minute we put the blinkers on and thought "Sun, Sun, Sun, it'll be fine, the sun will fix it".
As I've been absolutely terrible with money in the past I will not have a Credit Card for emergencies, like JD does, so I've had to ask if I can use his to get my petrol for this week and advised him to do the same to allow our bank balances to regenerate. I know credit is not the answer but in the world of interest rates the card fairs better than the overdraft at the moment.
I have also made an appointment with a mortgage advisor, on Saturday. "Why???" I hear you ask.. Well we live in a different town to all our family and friends and would like to move back to them, as at the moment it's a forty minute drive to get to them, an hour to get the MSB to school and hour and 1/2 to get to work for me. We miss being able to go to a BBQ and then either cycle or walk home. I know we don't really stand a chance at moving this year, but I'd like to know what we've got to do to make the move achievable even if it takes two years.

And that, my lovelies, brings us up to today. I'm sitting here eating Granny Smith's Apples - I seem to be a bit addicted to them at the moment - NO I'm not pregnant!!
Oh and I'm listening to my 'Recently Listened To' Playlist on my iPhone.
Soon I shall be heading home to cook steak medallions, but not yet. There's a fair bit of work for me to do before I leave so I'd better stop chatting and get back to it!

The First Blog.......

2011-08-10T11:49:00.000+01:00

OK so here it is...... My first ever blog!!!!
I've been told by a lot of people that I should either keep a diary, write a book, or record the differently normal things that happen to me on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.
In time you'll get to know about my past - my absolutley monumental cock-ups (there's been loads) and how, now I've hit 30, I'm trying to learn from it all and maybe, just maybe carve out a solid foundation for my kids to grow from...... Yeah right!

So it's 11:45, I'm sitting at my desk and I've just let one of my best friends know that I am now... A Blogger!!!! Now I've got to go to a meeting - yes, I know, I'm soooo busy and important!