It's A Wonderful (Child-filled) Life

Let's Go For A Ride

2011-05-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Let me start by stating the obvious. I have failed you all. I started this blog intending to do at least 4 posts a week, and here I am doing my first post in a month. I'm sorry, I love you, blah blah blah.

Alright, so I have something to get off of my chest. I have minor road rage. I mean, I won't roll down my window and scream at you - mainly because I don't have power windows - but I sure as hell am saying terrible things about you/your mother that you can't hear.

I wanted to discuss some of the common road mishaps that turn me into a swearing, vengeful, downright awful mofo.

1. 4-way stop - Here's what it means, in case you aren't aware.
Yeah, so, you remember that kid in elementary school? You know, that kid? He/she always had to be better, faster and cooler than you - just 'cause? Well, he grew up, bought a douchey pick-up truck and just met you at your nearest 4-way.
The 'rule' for a 4-way has changed a bit.
New 'rule'? Whoever gets there and fakes a stop first is the 'winner' and can, therefore, noisily and obnoxiously gun it through the intersection before you - gloating and possibly even patting themselves on the back.
People don't even stop at the stop line anymore if they see another car approaching. I mean, seriously. I know you think that it's important that you get to Gold's Gym for some bicep curls before going to work at the Ed Hardy store, but did that 5 seconds really count?! Didn't think so.

2. Braking/Turning

This one may just be me - but I highly doubt it.
I was under the impression that cars have brake lights/turning signals (blinkers) to warn surrounding traffic that they are going to be slowing down/turning - The key word hear being 'warning'.
So, let's say I'm cruising down the street in my van, stereo is pumping the newest Glee CD, and I'm just lovin' life. Suddenly, the car in front of me puts on their brakes - I can tell because of those cute little lights on the back. What I don't know is why the hell they have them on. I go into panic mode. Is there an accident? Are they having a heart attack? Is there a dog/cat/bird/hamster/turtle on the road? Did they hit a pedestrian?
I slow to crawl, hoping that there isn't some poor animal/small child in danger when all of a sudden - Turning signal comes on.
Oh.
You slowed down because you were turning.
You know what would be really nice? If you turned on your fucking blinker before you started slowing down. You know, to warn me that you'd be slowing down eventually because you're turning?
Lesson? Blinker first, then brakes. Kthxbai.

3. MERGE - OHMYGODMERGE.

This funny little arrow is - apparently - the most confusing thing in the entire fucking world. I thought that maybe I could help out a little bit. Here is an explanation on the rules of merging. Oh, and here, and here, and here. Here's a freakin' video on how you do it. You'll notice that the only time they use the word STOP is when they mention that you shouldn't be doing it. This is not a yield - Learn your shit.
Oh, and don't think that it's just the people merging that are the problem. If you're the one whizzing down the hill without a care in the world, be aware of the people trying to merge - Don't be a douchebag. If you can change to the other lane, then do it.

Oh man, I have many others, but this is where I'll stop for now.
By the way? You're welcome.

Of course he does.

Ranty rant rant rant

2011-04-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

Alright, HOLD IT.

Let me just clarify the hype surrounding this Royal Wedding.

First of all, most people just like to complain about things - It's just how people are.
People like to put things down, hate things, or talk about how 'useless' things are. I guess this makes them feel better? I don't know exactly.

Anyway, the fact that the future King of England is getting married doesn't really affect the rest of the world. You could even say that it doesn't really do much for the UK, either. The Monarchy hasn't had a whole lot of 'power' in quite a few years, so it's really just a 'feel-good' thing. Why is that wrong? Do we have a lot of things going on right now that make people 'feel good'? Or anything in the last decade or so??
Let's see.

The Columbine High School Massacre - 1999
The September 11th Terrorist Attacks - 2001
SARS 'pandemic' - 2002-2003
Hurricane Ivan - 2004
Hurricane Katrina - 2005
The Great Recession - 2007-Current
H1N1 Flu Pandemic - 2009
Haiti Earthquake - 2010
Japan Earthquake - 2011

I didn't even include all of the issues in Iraq - The war, the casualties, the horror.

Amongst all of this negativity, why can't we be happy for something that our children will be learning about in school? They'll come up to us one day and say
"Wow, you watched King William and Kate get married? You're, like, ancient!"

Why would you want to take that from them??

Grasping? Maybe.

2011-04-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I'm sorry.

Between work, sleep and my family, I have had zero time for blogging - That makes me sad.
You know what makes me happy? GIFs. Every time.
There is something about these small, repetitive moving pictures that make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

An ELLEN PAGE gif is even better.

I can't juggle - not for lack of trying. I'm just not that talented. I could watch Ellen Page do pretty much anything and be entertained... but juggling? Epic.
Obviously I have nothing to actually write about (and I am sincerely sorry), but I am hoping to at least distract you from that fact with these silly, happy clips.

Oh my gosh, how silly and happy.

CUTE PANDAS - ON A SLIDE. How can that not make you happy?!
They're fluffy and cute and like to go down a slide. They're like dogs, but so much cooler - because, you know, they're from China.

I can understand the guys reading this blog and being all "Awesome... Ellen Page with clothes on and pandas. I'm super happy... This blog sucks."

You don't know me very well.

Nevermind

2011-04-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

Check this shit out!

It reads: We would put this under your pillow but we're not the toothferry. So thanks for being such an enjoyable waitress. Keep it real and wonderful. (It was a TD Bank envelope with 4 dollars in it)

So, ignore my last post - I'm totally rockin' this server business!

Sad Ice Cream Cone

2011-04-16T02:15:00.000-07:00

Ugh. I hate doing rant posts!

Let's start at the beginning. My husband and I switched places.

This is so accurate that it is SCARY.

So I'm the breadwinner now - which totally sounds cooler than it really is.
I'm a server at a restaurant. I really enjoy it - don't get me wrong - but my god.
I'm horrible at it!
I swear that I just run around like a blue-arsed fly the whole shift. There are so many things to remember, and most of the people I work with are pretty seasoned... I'm like the new kid in high school - Not fun. Tonight was awful, seriously. It took everything I had not to just fall onto one of my tables and bawl like a baby.

I hate to blame my mistakes on anything (But I will anyway), but I had a pretty shitty morning after my pretty crappy sleep last night, and I worked from 5pm until almost 2am.
I'm tired.
I'm cranky.
I have to pee.
I'm going to bed.

I am a sad ice cream cone.

Homosexuality

2011-04-04T16:14:00.000-07:00

So, I've noticed that there are still a ton of issues with Gay marriage going on right now, and I just want to be clear on my stance.

Some dudes marry dudes... GET OVER IT.
Some chicks marry chicks... GET OVER IT!
Gay or Str8, let's STOP THE H8!

Why is it that people can't see what we're doing by not allowing people to have RIGHTS.

Hey remember when Inter-racial marriage was illegal? Yeah. How RUDE! How dare the government tell you who you can and can not love! Oh wait... That's what they're doing now!

In fact, let's not even look at the marriage aspect. Let's check out the fact that homosexuals are being denied a legal RIGHT.
Let's go back to the early 20th century and talk about women not having the right to vote. What is this?! Women not being allowed to vote? Women not having the RIGHT to say who they would like to have in office? Disgusting! ... But wait, isn't that what they're doing now - denying someone the right to marry the one they love?

Also, let them be parents. If a man and woman can't conceive, people band together and help them with the adoption process with love and support. Why can't we do that for our gay brother and his partner? What about our aunt and her lovely wife? Why can we deny them the right to raise a child? Here's some sad facts about how many people abort children worldwide. Why can we allow people to 'get rid of' children that they don't want, when we have tons of people willing -but unable- to have them?! It's mind-boggling.

Get over your fears, people. Men marrying men, women marrying women - This should be the least of your troubles.
Respect people, love people - We are all human, and we are ALL equal.

Christopher John Edward

2011-04-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

Not for: Men/women that get squeamish at the thought of pregnancy/birthing or hipsters - 'Cause I don't like them.

So I have a story for you.

It was March 31st, 2008. I was very pregnant, and was in bed after celebrating my one year wedding anniversary. Somehow, I had managed to fall asleep - an amazing feat at that point in my pregnancy.
Suddenly, my phone rings.

You can't be serious.

I roll over and check the time and the caller ID - It's my older brother, and it's midnight. Angry, pregnant, and tired, I answer the phone.
Me: "What."
Him: -silence- "Um, I just wanted to say Happy Anniversary!"
Me: "Thanks."
Him: "Okay... well... I love you!"
Me: "Bye."
I hang up the phone, and roll back over in bed.

Oh, and then I pee myself.
Seriously.

I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, change my underwear, and go back.
This happened about once an hour.
Until 7 am.
Now I'm really upset. I'm so pregnant that I can't even control my bladder - How pathetic. I need a diaper. What a loser.
Then it hit me - It was my water breaking.

Now excited, I called my Mother-in-law to tell her that my water had broken. Here's a break down of this phone call.
Me: "Hi, Mom! So, I just wanted you to know that my water broke!"
Mom: "... Shut up. That's not funny."
Me: "Oh... okay.... Well, we'll keep you posted... if you'd like..."
Mom: "You're a bitch." -click-
I almost died.
I burst into tears, and my husband runs into the bathroom in a panic. I explained that his Mom was really rude, and that she just didn't seem excited about this baby anymore.
He held me until I stopped crying and we decided to just ignore it and focus on the important thing - the upcoming labour.

My husband calls his assistant manager (He was the manager of a store, at this point) and tells him that he would need to cover his shift for the day.
His response?
"Yeah, right."


What the hell!?

We can't figure out why no one is excited about this?!
Chris starts getting upset, and asking why he would think this is a joke.

Oh, right. It's April Fool's Day.
We're dumbasses.

Anyway, points are:
1) Thanks, Mike! I appreciate the phone call to help things along!
2) CJ was born about 30 hours later, at 6:07am on April 2nd.

Happy birthday, kiddo!

Happy 3rd Birthday, CJ!
Mommy loves you!

One more thing....

2011-03-31T11:14:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to fix something here.

One of the other amazing things that my husband did was to not only decide to leave his 'glamorous' bachelor life and become a husband, but he also became a father - Right away.

How could you NOT want to be in this child's life?!

I had a 2 year old son, Owen, when my husband and I became a couple, and he had no problem with it. In fact, he embraced it! He understood that Owen's dad was still in his life - that he wasn't replacing his father - but that he would be a father figure.

He has been a huge part of my son's life, and has taught him to be strong, kind and awesome.

He prefers to be called "Luke Skywalker"

Mushy, mushy, love love love...

2011-03-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

When I get to the grocery store, one of the first things I do is get my list out of my pocket. I am always forgetting something, so I leave it around the house and add to it when I discover new things that need to be replaced/refilled.
So, here I am, ready to shop, and I pull it out of my pocket and read it through.

Subtle

This is what I have to deal with on a regular basis - I married a comedian.
To be fair, I absolutely knew what I was getting into. His crazy sense of humour was one of the many things that drew me in. He was absolutely insane. He would have me in tears from laughing so hard! Granted, he also had me groaning at times (Groaning, not moaning. That'll show up here later). We still laugh a lot, and his jokes can still be pretty terrible, but I wouldn't change it for anything!

Another thing that intrigued me when we met was his taste in music. Unlike my ex that was into 'pop/punk' and 'rock' (Linkin Park and Bowling for Soup), this guy was into bands that my father listened to - The Eagles, Pink Floyd, The Doors, The Beatles, etc. I was floored. Being fairly young (18), I just assumed that my Dad's music sucked and never bothered to listen to it. This new man showed me that music could really mean something! Of course, I fell in love with Pink Floyd. Oh, here's the first birthday present I ever gave him.

BOOM, I'm awesome

He totally dug it, but seriously, who wouldn't? I am now proud to admit my love of classic rock, and even rock out at Tunes and Trivia night! (Um, with his help, of course)

Anyway, we fell madly in love - How could we not? We got married so quickly that most of our wedding gifts were baby sleepers.
No, I was not pregnant, thank you.
I did get pregnant though.

LOUD NOISES

Aaaaand again.

Much better

Did I mention that we managed do this in only 25 months? Yeah, I know. I get tired just thinking about it.
The reason that I'm thinking about it is because exactly 4 years ago at this time, I was trying absolutely everything I could to fall asleep because I was getting married the next day!

Basically, my point is... Happy 4th Anniversary, Christopher!
I love you so much, and can't wait for the many anniversaries that we will share together!
Unless you leave me.
Because I posted this.

I'll start packing up my things

KTQ

2011-03-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

I quit smoking at 12:45 am on December 31st, 2010.

Now, if you think this post is going to be about how awesome I am, and how lame you are - You're wrong. (Just to clarify, I am awesome)

I smoked off and on for 12 years, but fairly steadily the last 10. I loved smoking. Honestly, I adored it. It was my favorite thing to do.
Have you ever made plans, and they fell through? Sucks - but hey! You have cigarettes! They didn't cancel on you because they want to have crazy monkey sex with their new boyfriend!

haha, I didn't actually think I could find something like this!

When you and your significant other have a fight, and you just need someone to talk to, someone that can calm you down, but all of your friends are out at the disco - Who do you have?? Cigarettes.

I seriously didn't think that could ever let go. It wasn't just an addiction... I was going to lose my best friend.
I know how crazy that sounds, it's okay.
I would wake up, and have a smoke.
Make the kids breakfast, and while they were eating, I'd have a smoke.
Drive my oldest to school, and on the way home, smoke in the van.
Get home, do some house work (Or dick around on the computer), and realize that it's been an hour or so. Have another smoke.
Make lunch for the kids, once they were happy and eating, have a smoke.
Have a couple of smokes before picking up oldest from school because I have to be there half an hour early and I can't smoke on school property.
Get home from picking him up, and have another smoke.
Do a load of dishes, and 'wait for those to dry' on the drying rack while I had a smoke.
Get hungry, have a smoke.
Get thirsty, have a smoke.
Have a coughing fit, have a smoke.
Ugh.

It got to the point that I started to hate how much I depended on it. I couldn't stand leaving in the middle of dinner at a nice restaurant because I needed a cigarette. I hated driving anywhere because I would light up a smoke at every red light, and would run out of smokes faster because of it. I would get so frustrated if I woke up in the middle of the night, because I knew that 'only a cigarette' would be able to get me back to sleep.
It wasn't a friend anymore- it was my worst enemy. I had to stop!

No cigarettes were harmed in the making of this blog post

Every time I tried to quit, I would go into panic mode. What would I do when I was driving? What would I do when I was reading a book? What if I can't sleep? What if I can't stop eating? What if I started jogging and being all healthy?! Noooo!
I was driving home, having a smoke, at 12:45am on December 31st, and thought... let's just do it now! - Which is something I had done many a time. This time it was different.
I didn't start sweating. I didn't laugh nervously, say "Psyche!" and light up a new smoke.
It was just the right time.

It was hard. I was forgetful. I would enter a room and think, "Wait... I was supposed to do something..." It would take a few minutes of walking from room to room before I would realize that I hadn't gone outside in hours. I was forgetting to smoke.
I also used this website, mainly for the 'Q-Gadget' that tells you how much money you've saved (I'm almost at $400!), how many cigarettes you haven't smoked, and how long you've been quit. It's nice to see those numbers - at least it was for me! Also, there are a lot of positive people in the chats that are willing to support you!

Support is the most important. Those people that think they are supporting you by saying "Well, I don't actually think you'll do it... but if you do, I'm really proud!" need to stay away. You can't have back-handed comments like that. It is incredibly damaging! That's not support! Remember, you aren't quitting for them, you're quitting for you. If you don't have a lot of support, I recommend keeping it to yourself - especially for the first 2 weeks, as they are the hardest.

Okay, I'm tired and severely grumpy, so I'm going to have to cut this short.
If anyone out there needs support to quit smoking, please don't hesitate to message me (Either here, FB or Twitter) and I'll be there for you!!

TL;DR - Quitting is hard, it sucks, but you can do it - and I love you.

Oh, no you didn't!

2011-03-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

I have a ton of pregnant friends right now (So excited for you!) and I thought that this would be fun for them to read.
Please note, I have posted this before (On FB) so you may experience deja vu.

After three pregnancies, I began to notice a pattern - People don't know how to talk to pregnant women. Period. Here's some examples of what not to do/ask/say.

1. Don't tell us how big we're getting. We dress ourselves everyday. We have doctor's appointments every month where we weigh ourselves. We're aware that our bodies are no longer slim. When we hear 'big', we don't think of our bellies. We think of our butts. This is not a compliment. Not only this.. Of course we're getting bigger! That's what happens in pregnancy. That's like me pointing at your face and showing off your wrinkles. It's life.

2. Please ask before you rub a pregnant belly. I know it's 'cute' and 'rubable'... but that's like me walking up to a stranger and rubbing their ass. Can I just say "Oh I just love cute butts!" like you say you looove cute pregnant bellies?? Just ask permission, and I'm sure we'll allow it.

This girl probably won't mind

3. -sigh- This is another one that really irks me. I got pregnant 5 months after my second child was born (this was not planned, but still very much wanted). This situation caused me to have the same question asked over and over and over.. "You're pregnant... again?"
No, actually, this is just leftover from the last one.
Were you dropped?
Yes, I'm pregnant again. That's how it works. You get pregnant, you have the baby and stop being pregnant, which means your body is now ready to be pregnant - again. If we're having too many kids for your liking, then we're sorry... but these stupid questions are really starting to piss us off.

4. If we're standing in line to pay for my groceries, and make a groaning sound, or possibly an "ooch!", we're not trying to get attention, nor are we going into labor (generally). How many times have I had a foot in the ribs, and made a sound about it just to hear the person beside me say "Oh god, please don't have your baby here!"
Is this supposed to be a joke? Is that funny? What if we are? We're now obviously going to have to fend for ourselves because the people around us are apparently deathly afraid of labor. How about I kick you in the ribs and see if you can deal with it silently?

Yeah, it really hurts.

5. We don't care if I'm carrying high, low, in the front or in the back.. Don't tell us what we're having. You're probably wrong. These old wives tales have been driving me nuts since my first pregnancy. Mine have all been completely different, so don't tell me that because my hair has more shine that it's a girl.. Or that because I'm carrying low that it's a boy. This is not scientific fact. There is no proof.
That's like me saying that you're sure to either be in radio or unemployed because you're ugly. It happens, but it's not a proven fact.

6. Back to the stupid questions... Anyone who has more than 2 kids has probably heard this one too many times for their liking..
"Don't you know what causes that yet?/Don't you know how to stop that from happening?"
Again, do you think we're stupid? Or, better yet, do you think you're funny? That's the oldest joke in the world! Get something fresh, please! Dear lord!

I'm sure there are more, but unfortunately I can't think of them (or I have tried to push them from my mind). So please, think before you speak. I know it may be hard sometimes, but you'll be pretty embarrassed when you have to tell your friends where you got that fat lip from.

The A-Team

2011-03-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

No, not that 'A-Team'; That is just the euphemism that I'm going to use for Autism from now on.

Yes, it came up in speech therapy today that my son may be on the A-Team. A very mild case, but it was still brought up. This was just our first visit, so we'll have to see.
How did that make me feel? I can't describe it. I went into this meeting thinking that it would be said. I've even said it myself. For some reason, it's very different when it comes from someone with a Masters degree in that sort of thing.

I cried - on the outside. On the inside? I screamed, cursed and asked "why?". I wanted to pick up my kids and run out the door, down the street... Just run away.

Now we just work on his speech at home, and see the therapist in a few weeks again. This is the start of a very scary journey.

Silence isn't Golden

2011-03-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a rough few days. I haven't been sleeping well because of an infection in my gums. Yeah, wisdom teeth - a dental surgeon's favorite thing in the whole wide world. Those little bastards make them SO much money, it's absurd.
I literally cried when my dentist was checking it out today - Not even kidding. Tears. I just wanted her to tear it out.

Remember? I'm pretty much an expert now, right?

Anyway, the other issue is that 2 of my kids have a meeting with a speech therapist on Monday. My kids are far too old to not be talking, and I've decided it's time to talk to a professional. I have to be honest - I am absolutely terrified. There is nothing scarier (Or at least so far, for me) than thinking that there may be something wrong with your kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids. If they get sick, or have some sort of mental/physical disability, I would never love them less. It's not about loving them, it's about knowing how hard their life and your life will be.
Don't lie, seriously. I know you'll worry about your kids, but it's human nature to be slightly egocentric and think of yourself. How would my life change? What hurdles will I have to jump now?
It's normal to feel that way to an extent, I think - I hope? I don't know. I want my kids to be 'normal' and 'healthy', for their own sake. Life is hard enough without the need for constant medical care, care aids or anything of the sort.
I know most people love to talk about how great and 'normal' their kids are, but I really wanted to share my fears with you. I'm not perfect. I'm not an expert in parenting. My children can't even talk, for cripe's sake. Please don't ever feel like I'm writing any of this because I know more/am better than you. I'm just like every other Mom with fears, doubts and worries.
The only advice that I can give out of this is to swallow your pride. If you suspect your child is not developing properly, do something about it. Talk to someone - Your doctor, friends, parents, spouse, etc. Don't hold back your child even more just because you feel embarrassed. It's not your fault if your child is delayed. Chances are pretty good that it's just that, a delay. Eventually, they'll get to where they need to be.

The only thing that I may regret?
Why the hell am I working so hard to get 2 of my kids to start talking when I can't figure out how to make the other one shut up??

Hummus? More like YUMMUS!

2011-03-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

Hello internet!

Sorry it's been a while since I've put up a new post. Between school, sickness, looking for work and taking care of my family, I've let it slide!
I promise you I'm working on a new one! So, I'll just write up a little recipe here to keep you busy!

Hummus (Chickpea)

1 can chickpeas
1 garlic clove (Or, if you love garlic like me, use 2!), finely chopped
About 2 tbsp Olive oil
Lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste

Now, just so you know, this will NOT taste like any type of hummus that you'll buy at a store. One of the main ingredients in hummus is tahini, and I don't like it, but you may use some if you'd like (Add 2 tbsp)

Heat chickpeas in a pot until warm, keeping all the liquid.
Using a food processor (or, like me, a Magic Bullet!), throw in the chickpeas (Minus the liquid) and garlic and a DASH of lemon juice. Now this dish is totally personal. From now on, I recommend adding an ingredient, and then tasting it. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add olive oil and mix until creamy. If it's not creamy enough, add a little more oil and another dash of lemon juice. Too much lemon juice is NOT good. You want the lemon to enhance the taste, not overpower it!

When it's done, just throw it in a bowl and use tortilla chips or pita chips to dip! You can also use it as a dip for veggies (YUM!), or a spread on a sandwich! Enjoy!!

Can't Buy Me Love

2011-03-11T19:51:00.000-08:00

Start at about 1:15

I really wanted to be proposed to like this. I mean, I'm not totally unhappy that I wasn't... but I am incredibly jealous.
My husband tried to propose to me at a Tragically Hip concert (Note: I absolutely hate The Tragically Hip), but they wouldn't let him. He ended up doing it in front of the ocean in our 'hometown' in a foot of snow, three days before our wedding. It was pretty cute.

For some reason, I have always wanted two things - A public proposal, and someone to sing me a song in front of a crowd (a romantic one, not just anything). I wanted grandeur - Something extreme!

While I never got my public proposal, I did get my song. My husband sang that super cute song that Adam Sandler sang Drew Barrymore on "The Wedding Singer". You know... this one?

Yeah, and I mean he played it on the guitar and sang it for me. He even changed it to "Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink" to "put me to bed when I've had too much to drink" because he was a bit of a party guy back then. Seriously, I just re-watched this clip, and got chills and started tearing up. It was wonderful.

I think I always wanted something big because I thought that it would prove how much he loved me. I thought that to shamelessly make a huge scene in public that it meant he truly cared. Same with the wedding. Big wedding, big dress, big cake, big hall.... blah blah blah.
I got an inexpensive (I can't say how much haha) dress, a small 'room' to have the service in, and had about 15 people there - and it was perfect.
Don't get me wrong, even as I was about to walk down the aisle, I felt like it wasn't as 'fantastic' as I had always dreamed, but I knew I was happy... And the moment I walked into that room, and saw my VERY soon-to-be husband as nervous (but excited!) as I was, I knew that this was perfect. Nothing in the world could have made it any better.

I think that people put too much emphasis on their 'perfect day'. One thing can go wrong, and they think that everything is ruined! I'll tell what would ruin your wedding day - The bride/groom (Whichever is the opposite of the person reading this!) not showing up. Yeah, that is something to freak out about.

You know what else would really suck? This.
Yeah, do you notice that they're okay? They didn't die. Their marriage isn't over. They didn't melt or burst into flames, etc. All that matters is that at the end of the day, you're with the one you love! I know it may not be easy, but try to stay calm. You'll regret being a total cow on your wedding day because the white tiger that was supposed to walk down the aisle with the flower girl on its back proceeded to maul your wedding cake to bits. Keep it simple, remember that this is about love, not money or flowers.

I love you, hunny! Happy 4th Anniversary!

Please Do Not Open Until 2004

2011-03-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

Dear 16 year old self,

First things first, I know you don't think school is super important, but it is. I'm busting my ass taking care of kids, a husband and a house and trying to redo courses that you are failing as you read this. Smarten up, dammit! I know Math is hard, but seriously, get some help. You need at least a 65% - that's all I'll tell you.
Also, don't drop Biology, please. I'm also doing that right now, and it would be awesome if I didn't have to. Stop skipping class. I know Mr. Barnett can be boring sometimes, but he knows his stuff. Ask him for help! Kris and Richard are your friends and they can help too!! ASK.

Secondly, stop treating Mom with such disrespect. She cries about you far too often. She loves you very much, and is proud of you - even though you don't think so. She has a very special present to give you in a few years, and you'll love it. She knows how wonderful you are, and she's only sad that you aren't working to your full potential!

Oh, and shut the hell up. You are not fat. I know that you think you are, but trust me... I would kill to have that body back! Ugh. I know you aren't as skinny as Erin or Stacey, but that doesn't matter. You don't have to be! (Oh, also, you're a JERK, but Stacey will love you eventually.)

Thanks, and I hope you take this seriously!

Love,
You

P.S. When you skip Socials, don't tell your teacher it's because you have to 'go to the hospital'. It just so happens that your Mother is going to call the school and will get that information and proceed to absolutely lose her shit. After she finds out that you're fine, you'll be in so much trouble that it isn't even funny.
Also, get your mark up. Socials isn't hard, you're just lazy! GOD.

I'm SORRY, okay?!

2011-03-08T23:46:00.000-08:00

Soooo I have 3 tests to write tomorrow. I'm nervous, and I'm excited.
I'm also really freakin' tired.
I feel awful for slacking on my posts (I actually have one half done and waiting for more inspiration), so I'm going to be lame and put up a 'recipe'.

Super Easy And Yummy Potatoes

Preheat oven to 375F

Potatoes (Russet, red, white, etc)
Butter/Margarine/Olive oil
Onions, diced
Garlic, finely chopped
Spices (You choose!)
Tin foil

The idea here is that you're kinda 'gift wrapping' the potatoes. What a nice present! Wow! How thoughtful!

Cut a square of tin foil (about 6x6 in) for each 'serving'. I usually only need one for all of my children, and one for each adult.
Wash and cut potatoes into bite sized pieces. Try not to keep them too big, or they won't cook as fast. You can also peel the potatoes if you're lame and still take the crusts off your bread, too.
Add onions and garlic (to taste), as well as your spices. I use Mrs. Dash and pepper, but it's totally up to you.
If you're using oil, just pour it on slowly and ensure that most of the potatoes are covered.
If you're using butter/margarine, put a large teaspoon in (C'mon, eyeball it!)

Pulling up the sides and join them at the top, sort of like a Troll doll hair style.

Just a reminder.

Make sure that it's closed fairly tightly, though. They need to 'steam' a bit, you don't want them drying out!! Keep them in there for about 45 minutes. *Carefully* open them up with oven mitts on (silly!) and if they aren't ready? BOOM! Pop 'em back in!

I use these as a side with steak, or chicken. You can also do this on a barbecue (I don't know how long it would take, though. I'm not a big 'barbecuer')! TRY IT YOURSELF!

I tried SO HARD....

2011-03-05T11:47:00.000-08:00

I have 3 children, as I've stated before. They are healthy, happy, normal, cute children. I love them with all of my heart, and always will. It hasn't been easy raising three children, but I've worked my ass off to give them what they need. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there that think I am not doing a very good job. Let's check it out!

1. Breastfeeding/bottle feeding.
This is the NUMBER 1 thing that I get ridiculed for.
I did not breastfeed my children. I attempted to breastfeed my first two, and was unsuccessful. By the time my third one came around, I went straight to formula. Did I love it? Not necessarily. Would I have breastfed if I could have? More than likely.
Hey - guess what? My kids are fine. They didn't shrivel up, fail to grow hair or gain weight, or any other stupid thing that some people assume will happen. They aren't lesser people because they were not attached to my breast for a year. Oh, and also? I'm not a lesser person because I didn't have them attached to my breast for a year. I'm just fine, thank you.
Bottle feeding is not 'lazy'; it's not cruel, it's not terrible, it's not something that you need to frown upon. So please stop.
OH, one more thing. I absolutely loved it when people would tell me how 'lucky' I was because 'bottle fed babies sleep more than breastfed ones'. Really? My oldest son must have missed that memo, considering he was up every 2 hours at night until he was about 7 months old.

2. Vaccinations
This is a big one, and very controversial. This article explains one of the main reasons people are under the assumption that vaccines are wrong. Okay, hold on. This isn't supposed to be a blog about whether vaccinations cause damage or not.
Here's the main thing:
If I have decided to vaccinate my kids, then that's that. I believe it will help them. End of story.
If you have decided not to vaccinate your kids, then that's that. You believe it will help them. End of story.
Do I disagree with your view? Hell yes. Do I think you're a bad parent? No. I think that whether we decide to vaccinate or not, we are doing what we actually believe is the best for our children. I just really hope that it's not because Jenny Mcarthy told you so.

To be fair, she's pretty persuasive

3. Co-sleeping/lack thereof
This is not as extreme as the others. I do not co-sleep.
I will not co-sleep. In fact, I have never had any of my children share a room with me. Why? Because it's my freakin' room! I can hear them just fine through two closed doors with 5 feet between them. You don't believe me?? Here's some fun facts.
Yes, you read that properly. A baby crying is louder than your alarm clock, about the same as a motorcycle, and only slightly quieter than an ambulance siren. Indeed.
I'm just one of those people that weigh pros and cons, and pick the one with less in the 'con' column. To me, the dangers of co-sleeping out weigh having to walk to another room to feed my baby. Also, I would not be able to get my freak on with a baby in the room. -shrugs- That's just me.
I've been called a 'mean Mom' for 'forcing my child to sleep so far away' from me. Hey, that's harsh! I give my kids lots of love and cuddles, just not in my bed, at night.

4. Cloth diapers/disposables
I have never used cloth diapers. Ever. My children all had/have store bought disposable diapers. This is the one and only thing that I admit to doing because of laziness. Plain and simple! I honestly wish that I had the patience and guts to use cloth diapers. Alas, I do not. Still, please don't hate me for it.

Please remember that I am not putting anyone down, hating on anyone, or forcing my opinion. Stating my opinion, yes. Defending my decisions? Only because I've been forced to. I already know what my comments section will look like after this, but whatever. The idea is that you can't tell me I'm a bad parent because I bottle fed my vaccinated, disposable diaper wearing child in their own bedroom. I can't tell you that you're a bad parent because you breast fed your non-vaccinated child in your bed. Don't call me out for being 'lazy' or 'wrong', please. It's totally unfair. Let's just agree that we all want the best for our children, and we love them. That's why we had them, right?!

Oh, Sarah... I love you!

2011-03-02T15:08:00.000-08:00

Not trying to brag or anything, but I totally get to see one of my favorite artists of all time tomorrow night!

That's right! Sarah McLachlan is coming to my town! Not only do I get to listen to her amazingly sultry and beautiful voice for an hour, but I'm getting paid for it too! Oh gosh, I'm excited.

This is one of my absolute favorite songs by Sarah. I don't know who it's about (Other than the obvious!), the story behind it, or what happened afterward... but that's not the point. This song can be - and IS - for everyone who has ever felt this way in their life. Lost, lonely, shamed, hurt, ugly, useless, etc... Sarah nails it.

Adia, I do believe I failed you
Adia, I know I let you down
Don’t you know I tried so hard
To love you in my way?
It’s easy, let it go...
Adia, I’m empty since you left me
Trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
To see where we went wrong
’cause there’s no one left to finger
There’s no one here to blame
There’s no one left to talk to, honey
And there ain’t no one to buy our innocence
’cause we are born innocent
Believe me, Adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter
Does it matter?
Adia, I thought that we could make it
But I know I can’t change the way you feel
I'll leave you with your misery -
A friend who won’t betray
I'll pull you from your tower
I'll take away your pain
I'll show you all the beauty you possess
If you’d only let yourself believe that
We are born innocent
Believe me, Adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter, does it matter?
Believe me Adia, we are still innocent
’cause we are born innocent
Adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?

Other songs by Sarah that are dear to me that you should check out because I have awesome taste in music are:

I Will Remember You - One of her most 'famous' songs

Blackbird - This is actually the first version of this Beatles classic that I heard! Weird!

I Love You - One of my all-time favorites. I think this really showcases her vocal talent.

Angel - Another 'famous' one

Possession - This was written about Sarah's stalker. Most of the lyrics are actual things that he said/wrote to her.

Hey, Mom? I just wanted to say Thank You

2011-02-27T09:16:00.000-08:00

So I have spent the last week or so watching episodes of "NBC's Dateline : To Catch a Predator". Oh my god. It's amazing!

Now, being a Mom, I obviously have strong feelings about things of this nature - Potential predators taking advantage of young teens. I mean, how would you feel if it was your child? Well, how about you ask my Mother.

I was a stupid teenager. Honestly, you have no idea. I was a Mom's worst nightmare.
Track record:
Skipped school
Smoked cigarettes regularly
Smoked pot regularly
Tried other drugs (not regularly)
Drank
Hung out with strangers
Had sex
Said terrible, disgusting and very rude things to my Mother
Etc, etc...

Kinda like this, but with less money

My poor Mother didn't know what to do with me. She tried so hard to keep a close eye on me, hoping to keep me from harm. Unfortunately, I only saw her trying to keep me from 'having a good time'. Things look very different from that side - the side of a naive, defiant teenager. Let's talk about one of the first times my Mother saved me from danger.

When I was 13, I was a church going child. I had the opportunity to go on a trip with two other girls from my church (One was an adult, the other my age) to some type of a churchy gathering in Victoria, BC (About 10 hours away from where we lived). It would be the first time that I was away from the watchful eye of my Mother. I was already very much into boys, but due to the less than esthetically pleasing placement of my teeth, I had very little confidence. Until I met Kyle*.
Kyle was 21, a Youth Pastor and gorgeous - and I do mean gorgeous. Oldest of three children, he came across as big brotherly, smart and confident. We became 'friends' and got to know each other over the few days that I was there. He ended up telling me that he was not the confident man that I perceived him as. Oh no, he thought he was ugly, and girls didn't like him. He had 'never had a girlfriend' because they always told him he was 'a nerd'. Of course, I fell for it - and him. We went for 'walks' alone, with him telling the others at the gathering that it was to talk about God and such things. In actuality, we spoke about love, loneliness and being together one day. Before I went home, he gave me his email address to keep in touch with him. I went home and we began chatting online almost every day. He told me that he missed me, that he wanted to hold me, love me. I was obsessed with him. Not only that, but this guy - this man - was in love with me! With me! It was a secret affair, and I felt special. We called each other a few nights a week. I was madly in love.

Yeah, then Mom found out about all this.

The phone bill tipped her off (It was probably horrendous). She called around and found out about Kyle. She was livid. She told me that it was inappropriate and that 'he should know better'. She refused to let me near the computer or the phone. I hated her. She was taking away the 'only great thing in my life' and she was doing it because she was a 'terrible Mother'.
Mom, thank you. THANK YOU.

Unfortunately, my memory is hazy, but this example will have to do. He told me once that I reminded him of a girl from a TV show that he watched in the mid 90's. All I remember is that she had red hair (mine was dyed red at the time) and massive boobs. I don't even think I wore a bra yet. Anyway, it was kind of like this.

Me, twelve. Christina Hendricks, 38-DDD

Of course, I took it as a compliment. My Mother, on the other hand, saw it for what it really was - saw him for what he really was. A disgusting pervert that was preying on a young girl. HER young girl.
I'm not sure exactly what she did, but I do know that he lost his job - and the right to have any job that let him have 'alone' time with children.
I hated my Mother... I remember being so upset with her... and she took it. She took the blame, the hate, the rage - She let me take it all out on her. I will never, ever forget that.

It's so hard for me to see some of the young girls that I know go through the same thing. Unfortunately, I'm not close enough to them to have chat logs or proof of any inappropriate behaviour. All I can do is tell them my story, and hope that they see it for themselves. One day, my kids will have access to the internet... and I'm hoping I can be as strong as my Mother and monitor the shit out of them.

*Name has been changed to protect the sicko's identity.

------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE!
Check out this website to keep your kids safe! It was promoted on NBC's Dateline to help you keep tabs on your child - and keep them safe from potential predators.

Seriously?!

2011-02-24T23:25:00.000-08:00

I mentioned before that I work at the local arena that hosts the concerts in town. I have a letter for the patrons. *ahem*

Dear patrons,

If you have floor tickets, then you sit in the floor area. When you LEAVE the floor area, please take your ticket with you - I WILL be asking you for it again.
No, I haven't forgotten you - You tripped over my shoe and gave me a big drunk hug with a very loud "sorry" that you attempted to whisper into my ear.
The reason I'm asking to see your ticket is so that I know you haven't gone and given it to someone that only paid for stand tickets and is too cheap to get floor seats so that you can both be on the floor. I'm not stupid.
These excuses are wearing thin:
"I know where my seat is." - GOOD FOR YOU! Most people don't, so I'm really happy for you. The thing is that I didn't ask you if you knew where your seat was. I still need to see your ticket.
"I'm with _____" (Usually points at someone that just walked ahead) - I'm really proud that you managed to find someone that can tolerate you in your disgusting, drunken state! I still need to see your ticket.
"I left it with my husband; he's sitting right there." - I'm sorry, are we still in the 50s? Jesus, lady, put some big girl panties on! Carry your own ticket!
"I don't have floor tickets... but I really like (Insert band/artist name here)!" Really? You really like them? Then why did you not pay the extra 15 or so dollars for floor tickets?! LIAR.

Sincerely,
Me

-------------

Oh, there's more.

Dear drunk patrons,

Here are the answers to your questions. I think that point form will work better in this situation.

- No, I don't work for the band/artist; I work for the building. I can't introduce you.
- No, I don't think you're cute; I think you're disgusting and you smell like stale beer.
- No, I am not carrying a concealed weapon; I'm not a cop.
- No, I do not have a stick up my ass; Sit down and shut up - You're annoying the people around you with your public drunkenness.
- No, my radio does not play music; It's for communicating to my coworkers.
- No, I don't have any pot; They took yours away for a reason.
- No, I don't want to meet up with you at Denny's after my shift to 'buy you a burger'; .... Wtf?
- Yes! I am married, and that is why I have this ring on.
- Yes! I'm aware that there is music being played. You don't have to ask me if "I'm hearing this".
- Yes! I do get paid to do this. This is my job.

MOST sincerely,
Me

Ugh, WEIGHT.

2011-02-21T17:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, let's be honest here. I'm a bit of a chubbo . I'll totally admit it. I can't blame my kids, but they totally helped me along.

This isn't actually me, for the record.

I've been taking the necessary steps to start getting back in shape. I'm going to tell you what I've been doing, because... well, you're reading my frickin' blog, so I can write about whatever the hell I choose, okay?!

No more white bread - This was really hard for me, at first. I LOVE white bread. It's sooo soft, and makes a damn good PB&J. Unfortunately, white bread isn't good for you, which brings me to my next -very much related- point...

Whole wheat/grains only - Bread, pasta, crackers... I don't believe in totally cutting things out of your diet. I think that moderation is key. If you're going to have pasta, make it whole wheat pasta! AND it fills you up more, so you don't over-eat!

More fruit and veggies* - This is not just for losing weight, obviously, but for just being healthy in general. There are very few vegetables and fruits that I don't like... but I never seem to buy them. I always have bananas and apples on hand for my kids, but nothing for myself. Of course I don't want to eat the kids food, so I don't have any. Poo! I'm proud to say that after I put away my groceries from my last shopping trip, I had tomatoes, apples, bananas, celery, carrots and an avocado! Yay!

Avocado and cream cheese sandwich - TRY IT!

Low-fat/sodium/non-hydrogenated alternatives - Now, be warned, I am not a scientist. I am not a nutritionist, nor am I really all that smart in general. I understand that some things will say "Low fat" but are still not very good for you. These are the 'alternatives' that I buy. "Calorie Wise" Miracle Whip, non-hydrogenated margarine & low fat sour cream. Am I totally right? Maybe not. I don't know.

Alternatives in general - Ice cream? Sooo not great for you. Ever had sorbet? AMAZING! You can have similar 'treats', just make them a healthier choice! Craving popcorn? Get light rather than buttery (It's hard... trust me!). If I really want chocolate, I have a stash of chocolate covered raisins, so at least I'm getting something healthy in there! Or go for super dark chocolate! If I want something sweet, I'll stock up on dried cranberries! YUM.

Exercise! - I can't afford/don't have time to go to the gym, really. I think people confuse doing rigorous work outs with simple exercise. Walking/jogging is very effective in weight loss, and it doesn't require you to either a) pay a gym to get your fat ass on the treadmill or b) become a big, huge sweaty mess. A simple 30 minute walk almost every day is not only really healthy, but it feels great! I've been trying to walk more (It's super icy in my city right now, but I have braved it a couple of times!), and I'm so excited for spring!

hahahahaha, I just really wanted to use this.

Please don't read this and think that you can follow this and lose weight. It doesn't work like that. I'm still a chubbo. I still cheat, eat pizza, laze around and gain weight. I'm just trying to give examples of small things that I do to try to keep myself a little healthier! Also, if you have any input, PLEASE leave a comment! (Unless it's a rude comment - Don't do that!)

*Sorry, Kathryn!!!

This takes me back!

2011-02-18T12:56:00.000-08:00

Wow, someone has been slacking!
After my last post about high school, it got me thinking. I've decided to go back to school! How exciting!

And terrifying. Because I was a stupid and lazy teenager, I have to upgrade some high school courses before I can attend college. No big deal, right? WRONG. I have to do Math and Chemistry, two of the scariest things ever.

Sums it up.

Luckily, I have a great support system, and a ton of friends that are 'mathematically inclined'.
I encourage all of my Mom/Dad friends to go back to school when you can. Don't ever feel like you've been out for too long, or that you just can't do it. Do it for your kids. When they're older, and they see the effort that you put in, they'll realize that they too can do anything they set their minds to!

All to my friends that aren't Moms or Dads, but high school/college drop outs - It's not too late! There is no shame in trying again. You are in a different place in your life now! Make a change! There are lots of ways to get help for returning to school.
If you're in PG, you can check out Jump On Board, or go to Continuing Education at the old John McInnis building.
If you aren't in PG, use the internet to find resources in your town. Check your local college, or go back to your old high school and ask the counselors for information!

Word.

2011-02-17T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am audibly sighing as I start this - no joke.

I work at my local 'civic centre' where concerts are held. I like my job - a whole bunch.
I don't necessarily like the music I have to listen to some nights - and it can get very loud - but I love the people! I may not enjoy that country music blaring from the speakers, but when a young cowgirl comes up to me and hugs me saying "This is AWESOME!!!!" I feel... happy! I love these patrons!

I had the... honour of working my first "rap" show a few weeks ago. The band is called D12. I know nothing about them, nor do I care, so here's a link.
D is for D-Bag

Now I don't want to make anyone angry, so I'll avoid making fun of the music itself. It wasn't truly terrible, as much as I hate to say that. No, the music I could handle... It was the 'gangstas'.
You know what I'm talking about.

How to Spot a Gangta 101

I'm not very old, but I swear this whole thing was cool about 10 years ago... As in, it should be gone by now. Nothing should last this long - I don't understand why it's still cool. Some men make fun of women for wearing high heels because they don't understand how we can actually walk in them; Seriously, how the hell do you walk like this? Also, why are you even wearing a belt? Does it really help?!

-end rant-

Pregnancy = High School

2011-02-14T22:45:00.000-08:00

PLEASE NOTE: You may not agree with this. My high school life was probably very different than yours, but that doesn't mean you can get all uppity. So shut up and read.

I had a brief conversation with ~~an acquaintance~~ a friend today (Yes, Jenn. I've upgraded you) about her pregnancy. Without really thinking too much into it, I mentioned that pregnancy is like high school, and then realized... Damn, I'm right! It really is like high school!

First Trimester = 8th/9th Grade

School: Remember being 13 years old and repeating that 'funny line' from that 'funny movie' with your friends every day?

Pregnancy: You laugh... about everything. It doesn't have to be really funny; it doesn't even have to be recent. It's hilarious, period. That movie that you just watched? Funniest movie ever.
Pregnancy: You cry... about everything. Suddenly, the fact that you broke the yolk when trying to make over easy eggs becomes heartbreaking.
School: Heartbreaking, like when you went to the school dance in 9th grade, and the boy that you like - You know, the one you stare at but have never spoken to - didn't ask you to dance...
BUT WAIT!
"I Wanna Be Bad" by Willa Ford comes on, and you're laughing with your friends again because - what, why am I happy? Why was I sad?! I don't know...

Second Trimester = 10th/11th Grade

School: Do you remember when you realized that your grades were actually kind of important, and you started to smarten up? You start trying to decide what you want to do after you graduate and become a 'grown up'. You are beginning to love yourself for who you are and be comfortable in your skin.
Pregnancy: You're now starting to get more comfortable - just in general. If your pregnancy was unplanned, most the shock has worn off. Hopefully your morning sickness has too! You understand most of the things that you're going through, and are getting ready for the things to come. Life is starting to get much more serious...

You also eat a bunch of crap.

Third Trimester = 12th Grade

School: You're starting to stress a bit. 9 months seemed like a ton of time... All of a sudden you're a few weeks away, and you don't feel ready. If you do feel ready, you also feel sad; A very important part of your life is coming to an end, and the thought is unnerving. You know that something greater is on the other side, but it's that fear of the unknown gnawing at you.
Pregnancy: See above!

Graduation!

Okay, it's not ALWAYS like this...