it's a wonderfunlife

Grad school therapy

2013-04-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

In my grandiose moments of procrastination, I come across the most fantastic stuff in the interwebz. I have this incredible ability to find really strange answers to my existential questions, or free photo editing software, or better yet, fabulous science writers. Speaking of science and writing, I haven't decided which of these two things I am worst at, but in the meantime, I will continue to pretend as though I have the creativity to do both (in case you didn't know it, I started writing in 2009, in my native tongue and composing something that we shall call 'existential free writes' for the sake of giving them a name).
It is well known that us graduate students tend to delay unwanted tasks, and while having one of those episodes the other day, I found a series of videos that every scientist out there should watch. One of the talks really spoke to me, and Sci Curious really hit the spot. In other words, she inspired me to start writing. But then I thought, what would I write about? I already write cheesy poems, and attempt to write research proposals. What would make my writing and audience unique? In reality, you can write about anything, but at some point you have to narrow down your interests.
And then I had the grand idea to change this blog and make it about grad school therapy. No, not the actual find-a-therapist blog, but something that a lot grad students identify with but are too afraid to admit sometimes. Pain is a double-edged sword that every single one of us has experienced at some point in our lives, but it seems to be augmented with a magnifying glass by all the graduate school pressures. Pain is a feeling that I find myself constantly experiencing (see here, and here) but I don't want to write about it to make anybody more depressed than they already are, but instead, I would like to make it a place where people can find some comfort when they are having a difficult day; a place to come home and find some hope. See, after all my procrastination will have a good purpose, right?
While I'm still working out the details of the topics I want to present, another thing at which I'm being really adventurous is using my own name and identity. Most science/academia blogs that I follow are written by people under a pseudonym, whose work I highly respect and admire. Using my own identity could be a little risky, but I believe that in doing so I am letting the online community know that there is a sensible human being behind the words I write.
Folks, I am currently buried in work; yet, I will find some time soon to revamp the image of my blog and give it that little twist I have been wanting to do. I am excited.

Disclaimer: the writer of this blog is not a native English speaker, so if you find a gazillion of grammar errors, you can blame it on her loud Spanish-speaking mind. Also, she tends to get very emotional in her writing sometimes, but that's just the way she is in real life, please bear with her.

Is there such a thing as too much thinking?

2013-03-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in my bed last night trying to put together something reasonable (because I'm trying to make an effort to post more often here), but at the same time, I was fiercely trying to silence my brain. Indeed, my mind can be very loud sometimes. "No, don't think about that, that wouldn't be a good idea," or how about "just go to sleep and stop elaborating so much useless stuff." And in reality, it is a problem I have to face everyday. I tend to think too much; don't get me wrong, using your brain every now and then is not a bad thing, but when it's not followed by concrete actions, too much thinking can be a waste of time.

So instead of sitting in bed thinking about what to post, I decided to take action: I went to sleep. That was a good choice at the moment, however, I frequently find myself bursting with brilliant ideas, though sadly, those thoughts never end up anywhere (but buried somewhere in my unconscious)... But from now on, I am decided to either write them so I don't forget them, or do something about them. Have you ever experienced the same problem?

P.S.-While trying to find something about over thinking, I found this gem.

At the end of the day, everything will be okay

2013-03-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

There are days when things don't go the way they are supposed to. Days when things don't go the way you'd expect them to. Days when the sky looks really gray and you get rained on.

But I need to remind myself that at the end of the day, everything will be okay. No matter how much it rains, there will always be calm after the storm. Life can be like a roller coaster sometimes, but I won't let the downs define who I am. I am so much more than what happens to me, and I am more valuable than what I give myself credit for. I refuse to be belittled by my experiences; instead, I need to transform my feelings into vehicles of greatness.

I was just reading a beautiful blog post by Hannah Brencher, and her words fit perfectly. Since I can't write it better than she did, I'll quote her directly:

"There will be them days when all you have the strength to do is sit—square in the middle of the kitchen table that still holds your initials from childhood—and pair spoonfuls of peanut butter with a carton of vanilla bean ice cream. One more bite, that’s it. Just one more bite.
On them days, go for creamy instead of chunky. Go until the gentle reminder pushes its way inward: Food won’t heal you. Food won’t fix you. Put the Big Spoon down, Little One. I love you too much to watch this pain.
There will be them days when you’ll scrape the polish right off of your fingers. Freckles of Gold and Blue falling to the floor of the car. And you’ll look down at your hands in discouragement. What do you want of me? The question will sit in your throat. What am I here for?"

Things will get better. They always have and they always will.

Some inspiration

2013-03-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

It's hard to go back to the regular routine after a 'break.' We just had spring break last week, and even though it wasn't really much of a break, I got to do things that I don't normally do when school is in session. I explored more of my creative side, and I love when I get the opportunity to do anything artsy. Today, I'll leave you with some of my favorite quotes. Hopefully you'll get inspired too.

Art is therapeutic

2013-03-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

The other day one of my friends was really surprised to see my pictures on Facebook, since he didn't really know that I was into creative photography. He asked me about what made me get interested in this type of photography. And then I thought about it for a while, and I knew the answer was not that simple. I started giving it a little more thought, how in the world did I decide to start taking pictures? I knew I had been doing it for fun, because it gave me pleasure and it made me happy, but there had to be a better reason to explain how I got into photography.
In the summer of 2010, I graduated from college with a science degree. What was supposed to happen next? A job, graduate school, medical school, get maried

My abuelita and I when I was around 16y/o.

and have a family? Well, none of these things followed after graduation. Not a single one. I became part of the statistics, an addition to the unemployment list of this country. As someone who has always planned out every single detail and who was always in control of the situation, at that point, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Not a clue. Wow, that was a bold statement that I never thought I would share publicly.
A little before my college graduation, my grandmother, my best friend, my confidant, my role model, passed away. Her passing will always have a major significance in my life, not only because of what she represented in my life, but also because of when she passed away. She left me right before my college graduation, on the day of my birthday. How was I supposed to take that? Why on earth did she have to die on my birthday? Needless to say, this carried over with my inability to move forward in life. I didn't know how to get out of the bottomless pit. Now that almost three years have passed, I can look back at it with more clarity, and understand that this is a sign that she never left me, and will be forever with me.

I was given a fancy point-and-shoot camera as a graduation present, and since I had nothing better to do with my time then, I started shooting some pictures and learned how to use editing programs. I eventually found a job, but I kept going back to taking pictures and trying to learn more and improve my skills.

My niece (and beautiful model) Bella and me

Things did get better. In fact, thanks to all of my not-so-pleasant experiences, I'm a now a firm believer that things always get better. I slowly started redefining my goals in life and somehow I patiently climbed out of my rabbit hole. I applied and got accepted to graduate school, something that I had not completely envisioned before. I was very excited to start, yet I was still the naive, inexperienced girl in many aspects of life. I still had a long way to go, and way too many things to learn.

One of my favorite pictures featuring my niece :)

And then my graduate school journey began. To make the story short, graduate school was not at all what my naive self was expecting, and that took a tremendous toll on my physical and emotional health. Without going too much into details, I saw myself in front of a huge mountain that I thought I could never climb, but instead, a mountain that would fall on me like an avalanche, and get the best of me. I was back again in that endless pit. But this time I really did think it was the end. I felt like I had hit rock bottom in every single aspect of my life, and I could not even see the dimmest ray of light at the end of the tunnel.

Isn't the light gorgeous?

The living room in my apartment faces west, so when I get home in the early evening, I can see the beautiful sunshine before the sun goes down. That magnificent light inspired me one afternoon to snap some pictures, after a really long time of not even looking at my camera. And once again, I found myself gradually crawling out of my desperation. This time I needed a little more than just my own pep talks, but thankfully I reached out for help in time.

My apartment when it's clean (I adore the light in the background, and you can also see my pics on the right side of the window)

Where am I going with this long blurb about my life? I would like to let you know, yes, you, who is reading this post that there is always light, but you have to look for it. My photography has helped me to heal a lot of aspects in my life that were broken, and I now find myself often looking for the best angle of things. This mindset forces me to always look at the pretty side of things, my eyes are frequently in search of the best lighting, the best angles, and the prettiest sights. This reflects in my personal life, and I try to do the same when the weather is looking kind of cloudy.
Folks, art can heal broken hearts. Art is therapeutic. It forces you to take your deepest emotions and transform them into the most beautiful forms of art. I encourage you to look at your life as a masterpiece in progress. Write a song or a poem when you are sad, sing your heart out when things are not going well, paint a beautiful work of art from what is hurting you deep inside. Take the ugly, painful and unpleasant things, and transform your feelings into art. Be an artist.

One of my favorite pics of all time

Why is the sky blue?

2012-12-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

Today was mostly a cloudy, unadventurous, wintery day. But late in the afternoon, the sun came out and the sky looked orange. It wasn't a bloody orange like when the sky is on fire during those warm summer evenings, but it was rather a peachy, delicately coral-tinted sky. And as the sun was slowly setting, the shadows in the clouds turned a light purple. It was a majestic color show.
While I was delighting my sight in those beautiful hues, I wondered why the sky wasn't orange, or purple, or green, or any other color but blue. Why, out of all the colors of the rainbow, the sky had to be blue when the sun is shining upon the earth. I could go on a scientific explanation about why the sky is the color it is, and why there are clouds, and why the sun wakes us up in the morning and puts us to bed at night. But for once in my life, I decided that such a beautiful thing needed no further explanation, that it was okay to just sit back and enjoy the show. I won't worry about why the sky is blue, or why there are fish in the ocean and how four-legged creatures evolved from them. Today, I will breathe in the smell of winter roses and feel the cold in my bones. Today, I will forget about the things that trouble me, and I will just look at the sky and forget to ask why it is blue.

Be a human today

2012-12-17T09:31:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at my desk, pretending to be productive when all I can think about and feel is pain. I look as if I was highly engrossed reading the latest scientific article that came out in one of those high impact journals. In reality, I'm reading the news and I can't help staring into the blankness of the page that I'm typing on and let my heart ache.
Last night while laying in bed I was thinking about a blog post that would be about me, and about how my life is so much different than a year ago. But today is not about me. Today's post is dedicated to all of those who are suffering, all of those who are in pain, whether it is because they've lost a loved one or because of a terminal illness.
These simple words go out to those who are chained to their addictions, obsessions or traumas. These humble lines are dedicated to what makes us human and what brings us together as mankind. I wish I could say that I feel your pain, but only you, who is reading these lines, knows exactly what makes your heart ache. Only you know how unbearable your suffering is, whatever it may be. I wish I could take your pain and transform it into something beautiful. But only you have the power to do that.

Today I wish for a world that is capable of going beyond its differences and unite in prayer for our troubles. Because no matter how many technological or scientific advances we make, if we lose our ability to feel and empathize, we've defeated the purpose of being on this planet.

Today, forget about your pain and put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Today, be a human.

Of princesses and real life

2012-12-02T15:45:00.000-08:00

I'm at a coffee shop, listening to Christmas music while I grade my students' papers. The holiday sounds, the busy atmosphere of people coming in and out, the energizing smell of roasted coffee and the endless pile of work to do, for some strange reason, remind me of my undergraduate days. I remember spending countless hours in my school's library, studying, daydreaming, hiding from the masses, because, believe it or not, being surrounded by books makes me feel safe.

I grew up with my nose stuck in books. I loved to read. And I still do. But what I read now might be slightly different from what I used to read back in the day.

I loved fairy tales, just like any little girl would. I was fascinated with stories about foreign and beautiful places, where princes traveled across the seas to find their princesses. Or the stories where good always triumphs over evil. Where the poor suffers and one day teaches the rich a lesson. Yes, I also liked those kinds of stories. And I still do, perhaps because I think of my life itself as a fairy tale, as a work of art in the making. A story that will have a happy ending.

"Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale." ~Hans Christian Andersen

Of sunsets and gratitude

2012-11-10T17:46:00.000-08:00

Some days are bright and shiny. Some days are dull. But sometimes there are more gray days than sunshine. And many other times it seems like the sun will never come out again.
But there is always light, a light of hope that is stored deep in our hearts, a little voice that whispers "this is not the end yet." This is only the beginning.

And in our busy daily lives, we forget that the small things are the ones that count the most. We forget that a hot cup of tea in the morning can really warm our soul, a smile to a stranger can really brighten up their day, and a hug, or a word of kindness can really make a difference.

The world doesn't revolve around us. We are part of it and we are the forces that move it.

I often forget how blessed I am. I often take things for granted. And many other times I only allow myself to see the dark side of things.

Today I am grateful for sunsets, for the light that produces them and the eyes that are able to appreciate them. I am grateful for being able to capture this beautiful display of colors, that not everybody is lucky to see.

What are you grateful for today?

Home is where the heart is

2012-08-03T19:52:00.004-07:00

On Sunday, it will be my first year anniversary living in a new city. A year ago, I could not even picture in my head the kind of trouble I was getting myself into. I feel like I have grown more in one year than I have in all my life. I have seen the ugly side of people, of things, of life. My naive, carefree self is gone, and I have had to learn many things the hard way. But even after all these harsh experiences that have tried to strip away my essence, a little spark in me remains, a flame that screams who I am to the world, a voice that has never pronounced my name more clear and more loudly. I am who I am thanks to all those tears, smiles, broken-hearted dreams, and sleepless nights. I am not afraid to be my unique self anymore, because everything I do has my personal signature in it. I am me, and I have never been happier to be me.

If you never say your name out loud to anyone, they can never ever call you by it.

~Regina Spektor

Late afternoon light

2012-07-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

art: [mass noun] the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.

Sometimes I wonder whether what I do in my every day life is art or not. I say it depends on how you look at things. Being an extremely sensitive person, I pour a lot of my emotions into what I do. So in a way, what I do on a daily basis does have some sort of emotional power. It has a part of me.

My photography is important for me because it represents who I am and how I see the world. It has my essence and my name written all over it. And it captures an instant that is forever gone, yet I can relive it whenever I want. And preserving that part of life that is already gone is like knowing that that moment will always be with you, no matter what.

Art is everywhere. Even ordinary life can be artistic. It depends on how we decide to make it.

On comebacks (and tomatoes)

2012-07-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends! After a long and unexcused absence, I am finally back. Grad school has definitely been keeping me busy, but I took the opportunity to snap some pictures in this gorgeous natural light setting. Tomatoes are in season and what a perfect subject for this mini photoshoot.

My blog also has a new look, which I love, and I think it represents how I've changed through the years and this new facet that I've acquired in my photography journey. Enjoy!

Enter if you dare!

2010-10-31T14:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!

The fruit series

2010-10-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

Happy Weekend!

2010-10-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm off to enjoy the weekend. Start yours by delighting your pupils with your daily dose of gorgeous sunset.

Fall is here!

2010-10-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

As I happily welcome autumn, I would also like to welcome you to my blog.

Thanks for visiting!