Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to properly share the stories of my life without speaking ill of anyone I’ve been involved in negative situations with. There seems to be a very fine line between expressing my truth (what happened from my perspective) and protecting another person’s integrity. Complicating things further is making sure I’m not dismissing or making excuses for someone else’s bad behavior, and also making sure I hold myself accountable for everything I contributed to the situation.

My thinking has been fueled by recent get-togethers with friends I haven’t seen in awhile. In catching up with them, I tend to share the totality of what’s been happening in my life - the good, the bad, and everything in between. In some cases, I’m asked direct questions about people I’ve had a rocky history with. It’s those instances that have me torn. Do I skip over the parts of my life experience that are negative and omit them from my storytelling? Or do I share what happened to the best of my ability - knowing it’s all from my perspective - and look for a way to preserve the character of the other person? How much detail I share plays a part. I’ve learned that less is more. No one needs to know everything that was said, or every behavior that played out. Giving the cliff note version seems more respectful somehow.

But we learn by sharing, and we form connections by sharing. There must be a balance, though, between sharing ourselves with others and maintaining “right speech.” More and more I’m striving to keep everything I say impeccable. That means when I open my mouth, I want the ideas that flow forth to come from love, joy, positivity and respect. Anything else leeches energy from the Universe and serves to attract a similar energy back to me, and I won’t stand for it.

I’m not sure what the best answer is (it feels like it will be a shade of gray!), but it’s something I’m very interested in. On top of that, it’s something that, as I continue to unravel and unwrap it, I’m certain will bring me great joy.

I’ve been more in touch with my feelings lately and enjoying greater awareness of my body’s built-in warning system that serves to keep me on course. I’ve noticed that when I’m doing things that are in alignment with who I am and what’s important to me, I feel mentally, physically and emotionally fantastic. When I’m out of synch with what’s important to me, on the other hand, I feel that, also, but it’s usually in a much different way.

Last week, I did something that my conscious mind told me could be fine, but that my gut suspected might go against who I am at this point in my life. It wasn’t anything huge, and I was able to rationalize that I could make this event anything I wanted it to be. Deep within me, though, I was apprehensive. My subconscious sent up little smoke signals to get my attention, begging me to call off what I was about to do. I ignored them and went through with it anyway. Two hours after doing said thing, I developed a horrendous migraine and my body began shutting down in a bizarre way. Why? I believe it’s because I was acting in conflict with my true nature. Therefore, as a way of expressing the inner conflict, my gut turned its apprehensions into a physical manifestation to let me know in no uncertain terms that I’d crossed a line.

Yet again, a few days later, I was heading into a situation that my instincts told me was not in alignment with who I am, but that I was obligated to carry out for professional reasons. True to form, because I could not avoid the situation and would have to go through with it, my body did the only thing it knew how. It tried to get my attention and potentially protect me by rebelling via migraine.

In the first example, my body’s insurgence came after the fact, as if to remind me that when I go against what my gut’s saying, I can’t avoid the repercussions. In the second example, my gut instincts turned into fierce physical resistance beforehand, urging me to be on high alert for what was to come and possibly trying to save me from it altogether (after all, if I’m too sick to attend something that’s not in my highest good, maybe I won’t have to deal with it ever!).

Those two examples have driven home something that I only just started embracing in the past few years: ultimately, I can’t deny my true nature. Who I am - my goals and what I believe in - will always be what feels “right” to me, and everything else will somehow erode my person, be it mentally, emotionally or physically. On top of that, my gut instinct serves as a situational guru, of sorts, warning me when I’m about to veer off-course or head into murky waters.

I wrote about this from a difference perspective last Fall. My discovery in Joy in (and Gratitude for) Migraines included realizing that my migraines serve me, so rather than reject them I need to rejoice in what they offer. In Joy in Seeing a Purpose in Pain, I discussed the need to investigate, rather than mask, pain because, again, it always has a message for us.

While very few people enjoy pain in and of itself, the role it plays in our lives as messenger and protector is something to be honored. I’m certainly learning to honor - and find joy - in mine.

Listening to Wayne Dyer the other day, I was reminded that whatever we’re for strengthens us, and whatever we’re against weakens us. I needed to hear that again, because there are times when I fall into the all-consuming trap of what I’m against. It could be things like:

• a negative coworker
• the gossipy woman in yoga
• a loud critic
• the god-forsaken heat
• eating too much or eating for the wrong reasons
• not exercising (especially when I think I “should”)
• feeling tired
• political nonsense

You get the idea. Anyway, sometimes it happens so subtly that I don’t even realize I’m slipping into the “what I’m against” mode. Other times, it’s obvious to me and everyone I’m with.

Regardless, from a power perspective, it’s important to remember to stay in the “what I’m for” mode because that’s when I’m the strongest and can affect the most positive change in my life - to bring about more of what I want and less of what I don’t.

It’s an easy switch, too. I simply turn around the things that torque me and think of their opposites, or better yet, I affirm my ideal scenario. Using my list from above, it could be that I’m for things like:

• positive people and peace
• truthfulness and the Buddhist concept of “right speech”
• supporters and encouraging people
• mild summer weather
• keeping my body healthy and eating only what I need to stay nourished and strong
• being active and having a strong, vital body that can do anything I want it to
• feeling well rested and vibrant
• global harmony

Whatever I’m for strengthens me, and whatever I’m against weakens me.

So, what are you for?

“A major rule you forgot, Roles. Every game we play, we slip into a role, a game identity with which to play. We decide we’re rescuer, victim, leader-with-all-the-answers, follower-without-a-clue, bright, brave, honorable, crafty, dull, helpless, just-trying-to-get-along, diabolical, easygoing, pitiable, earnest, careless, salt-of-the-earth, puppet master, comic, hero… we choose our role by whim and destiny, and we can change it anytime we want.”

– Richard Bach, Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit

Irony of ironies: on Saturday, June 21, 2008 I spent a marvelous day in San Francisco with someone who moves me like no one else ever has. On that same day, my college boyfriend - the only person I’ve ever been in a relationship with who I thought I wanted to marry - got hitched 1.4 miles from where I was staying.

What are the chances we’d be in the same city, let alone practically the same neighborhood, on his wedding day? (Especially considering we live an entire country apart and don’t talk anymore!)

I’ll tell you what the chances are - pretty freakin’ good, based on my experience with the Universe (although even this seems a little preposterous, as far as cosmic jokes are concerned).

Honestly, when I found out this past weekend, it bothered me. I wasn’t upset because of how close we were, proximity wise, to each other (although that really is a head scratcher!), but more so because, well, I guess I wanted to be first.

Egos can be funny things like that, as anyone reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth” can attest.

Strange sensation, but nonetheless real…

So, since I feel like laughing about this, if anyone has any similar stories related to exes they can share, which take the proverbial (wedding) cake, so to speak, I’d appreciate hearing from you! The more outlandish your story, the better.

In the meantime, I wish the two of them all the joy and luck this world has to offer. There is nothing greater than love, and for them to find each other gives those of us still looking beautiful hope.