It's All About the Mochaface

Poppet Month 6

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Fri, 24 Aug 2018 12:30:00 +0000

Dear Denna,

Six months is not a long time, and yet you've changed so much from that little baby I cuddled in those wee Saturday morning hours.

This month you started eating solid food. Some days you seem really eager to eat and will eat a whole lot. And, some days you don't seem that into it. You like most of it too. Except for peas. Your dad understands your feelings on that one. I miss the easy, breastmilk-only, poopy diapers, but I'm excited to have you that much closer to eating table food and feeding yourself.

I noticed this month that my breastmilk supply was dwindling and dwindling fast. We had to start supplementing with formula on the weekends because if I tried to exclusively nurse you, you would end up hangry. Plus, when I would pump at work, I wasn't even getting one bottle a day any more. I stretched it as long as I could but ultimately am letting go of this important milestone with as much grace as I can. Luckily, I had such a huge supply in the freezer when you started at daycare that there are still a few more weeks of breastmilk for you.

You joined me at LeakyCon, a Harry Potter fan convention, this month. I hope to one day share my love for these books with you by reading them with you. But, even if you don't get as into it as I do, I cherish the day we spent together at that convention. You did so great as I pushed you around all day to panels, visiting the marketplace, and watching other Harry Potter fans.

I had thought you would have your first tooth by now. Especially since you had been a little fussy at times. But, so far, nothing.

Happy six months, baby girl! I can't believe half a year has already passed since you made our family whole.

Love,
Momma

Poppet Month 5

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 13:00:00 +0000

Dear Denna,

Well, I followed through on what I promised last month. I stopped nursing you through the night. And for about a week, I would go into your room to soothe you back to sleep. First, by picking you up and cuddling you to get you calm so you would accept your pacifier. (You were irate that I wouldn't nurse you at first. And it would take me a good 10 minutes to get you calm enough that you would start to make your way back to sleep.) And then eventually, I would come in just to stick the pacifier in your mouth. (After the first couple nights, you forgot to be mad that I wasn't nursing you and would settle down quicker.)

After a week or so, I stopped going in when you would cry, and then you stopped waking up and crying in the middle of the night. You might still be waking up but you're able to get back to sleep on your own. So for the past couple weeks, I can officially say you've been sleeping through the night. Hallelujah!

You're an early riser. You wake up between 5:30 and 6 every morning. Which during the week is fine as that's when I'm normally up. But, I wouldn't hate it if you wanted to sleep a little later on the weekend.

This month was your baptism. I was nervous how the service would go because you refused to take a nap before we left for church. So, I knew it could go either way whether you would throw a crying fit or not during the service. Luckily, you were the happy-go-lucky baby you normally are and the ceremony was wonderful. There was a beautiful moment when the pastor placed her hand on your head to bless you, and you gave her the sweetest smile. Just one example of how sweet you are.

I finally saw you roll over. Your daddy swore you've been doing it for the last month, but I hadn't seen you do it yet so it doesn't count. Now we have to watch where we put you because you will no longer stay there. That's okay though.

One of your favorite things to do is stick your feet in your mouth. I like seeing how much fun you have catching your feet and then trying to eat them.

You also starting holding your own bottle. Well, sorta. You still need a little help from time to time. And heaven help us if you lose your grip before you're done, and the bottle rolls away. You are not shy about letting us know how much that upsets you.

I love the cuddles and sweet smiles you are so quick to give. They always brighten my day.

Love,
Momma

Poppet Month 4

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Sun, 24 Jun 2018 13:00:00 +0000

Dear Denna,

You've adjusted well to your days at daycare. Everyone comments about how sweet you are, and it is true. You are very sweet. You're quick to smile and now you even laugh.

You love to watch your big sisters, and they love to play with and talk to you. Greta a little too much sometimes.

You are starting to practice your talking quite a lot. I love to hear you talk to whatever has your attention, your hands, your pacifier, your feet, the mobile on your bouncy chair.

I went out of town for a couple nights on my first work trip since you were born. You were nice to your daddy and slept through the night that first night. I was a little worried how it would go for your dad with all three of you by himself for the first time. So, I was happy you were easy on him.

Because of that I knew you were capable of sleeping through the night. And, I'm determined to not make the same mistake I made with Greta and continue to nurse you when you wake up so that when you eight months old, we're still doing this. So, starting this week, you are officially cut off.

Love,
Momma

Poppet Month 3

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Thu, 24 May 2018 13:30:00 +0000

Dear Denna,

There was a glorious week or two this month when you were sleeping through the night. Then, you stopped. Partly because I stopped swaddling you at night.

You were starting to roll over, and while you hadn't made it onto your stomach yet (still haven't), I was paranoid you would do it during the night, and if you were swaddled, wouldn't have your arms free to push your face off the mattress.

Now, you're waking up about twice a night again. Most nights you eat a little and then go right back to sleep. And then there are THOSE nights. The ones when you won't go back to sleep so easily and I'm up for an hour or more trying to get you to sleep. Though I'm a seasoned enough mom by now to know this won't go on forever, it feels that way right now. At the moment, I'm getting through with lots and lots of coffee and hope that just around the bend is the end of this particular tunnel. Don't fret though. I learned my lesson with Greta. I'm not going to continue to give in to the late night demands for long.

Also this month was a big step for both of us as I went back to work, which means you started at daycare. I wasn't worried about whether you would be in good hands because I knew you would be. You have the same teachers who took care of Greta when she was a baby. So, I knew they would take as good care of you.

That doesn't mean I didn't have mixed feelings about going back to work, because I did. And, I definitely miss you and your big, toothless grins during the day. When I got home on that first day of our new reality, you were lying on the floor content and quiet. Then, as soon as you heard my voice, you started to fuss.

All the teachers in school comment about how much you look like Greta. I think you resemble Willa more. And, when I show them a picture of all three of you in the same onesie, everyone can pick out Greta. Almost no one can tell which one is you and which one is Willa. Everyone loves your sweet smiles. How can they not?

Love,
Momma

Poppet Month 2

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 13:00:00 +0000

Dear Denna,

Happy two months! The days continue to fly by, and I'm trying as hard as I can to hold onto these fleeting moments of it just being the two of us. Because this time next month, I'll be back at work, and you'll be at daycare.

One of the first questions people ask me about you is whether you're a good sleeper. You are a good sleeper in that you sleep a lot and are not difficult to get to sleep at night. But, what they're really asking is are you sleeping through the night yet. That answer is still no. Though you did do it once. You're still waking up once a night usually. But, it's manageable. I'm not too stressed over it though as I know at some point you will start sleeping through the night.

This month I also moved you into your room, which is helping us all get a little more sleep. But, you're still not that far away since your room is right next to ours.

Every spring as the air turns warm and the bluebonnets bloom along the highways, it's time for baseball. One of my favorite spring traditions is the Texas Rangers home opener. I've been attending with Opie every spring for the last 12 years. (I only missed one game because it was a week after I had your sister and was still recovering from it.) This year you got to go as well. You didn't seem that into the game though since you slept through pretty much the whole thing.

The other biggest event of the month is your first time traveling out of town, which included your first plane trip! I had to go to San Diego for a day. My original plan was to leave you at home with your dad and sisters. I had asked Omy if she would be able to come over for a day to take care of you so your dad wouldn't have to take off work. A week later she had a counter proposal that she instead come to San Diego with me to watch you while I was busy. So, that's what we did. You went on walks with Omy along the beach while I attended my meeting. I was able to nurse you during breaks, which worked out beautifully.

In the past month, you have started smiling and cooing at us. It is the sweetest sight to see and sound to my ears. The only payment I accept in exchange for feeding you and changing your diapers is smiles, hugs and I love yous. Since you've only shown yourself capable of one of those so far, I expect a lot of smiles.

Love,
Momma

Poppet: A Birth Story

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 19:09:00 +0000

Warning: This is a birth story with all its glory and gory bits. You've been warned.

On Friday, February 23, I woke up with contractions. I had been having real contractions all week. That morning they felt stronger but still weren't very frequent. So, I went about my day like any other Friday... took the girls to school and went to work.

As the day progressed, the contractions became consistent. Timing a few of the contractions showed them to be about 20 minutes apart. That afternoon I went to the bathroom and saw my mucus plug. I realized then that I wouldn't be back in the office on Monday as I expected her to be born some time over the weekend. So, I started organizing and cleaning my desk and wrapping up all the loose ends.

John and I were having a double date night that evening with John's brother and his wife. The girls were staying with my parents for the night so we could enjoy one last date night before the baby was born. Apparently, we weren't even going to get a full date.

The plan was to do an escape room. Before we were to meet there, John and I grabbed dinner. The contractions were strong enough at this point that I would have to pause and breathe through them. They also seemed to be coming faster. So, I started timing again. By the time we made it to the escape room, I decided it probably would not be a good idea to be locked in a room for an hour or more in my state. So, we scrapped the escape room and went to a bar to get a drink.

I sipped on my sparkling water and kept timing the contractions often having to check out of the conversation when a contraction hit. When it had been an hour with my contractions averaging about 7 minutes apart, I looked at John, and we decided we needed to go to the hospital. (John is never going to let me live it down that we left a bar to go to the hospital.)

Unfortunately, we didn't have my hospital bag so we ran by the house on the way. At home, I took a quick shower because I wasn't sure when I would next get a chance to do so. Twenty minutes later we were on our way to the hospital, and I called my mom and sister to let them know the time appeared to be imminent but to wait to drive over until we got the official notice from the ER that I would be admitted.

We got to the hospital about 9 p.m. and got to go straight back to a room where the nurse got me hooked up to the monitor and asked about my pain level (8 at that time). "Well, you are having contractions." Oh, really? That's what that is? I had no idea.

When the ER doctor came in at about 9:45 to check my cervix, I was surprised to see it was the same doctor I saw three weeks prior when I went in with a bladder infection. (I was 36 weeks pregnant and while I was 95% sure it wasn't labor, the pain from the infection was so great we decided to be safe. Glad I went too because it could have very easily have turned into a kidney stone.)

He pronounced me 5 cm dilated and with that I was being admitted into labor and delivery. Great! Can you call the anesthesiologist and have him meet us up there?

I called my mom to let her know she should make her way to the hospital. She and my dad had decided to take the girls over to my sister's house (she lives 10 minutes from them) and leave them with her husband. Then, the three of them would come to the hospital.

We had to wait a while in the ER room for someone from labor and delivery to come transport me to my delivery room. While we waited the ER nurse put the IV port in my arm. Can I change my pain rating to a 10?

It was about another 40 minutes or so until the labor and delivery tech arrived to take me upstairs. She helped me put another gown so I wouldn't be exposed in transit. (Given how much of me was about to be exposed, did I really care? The contractions made sure I didn't care about much. But, it was considerate of her.)

We got to my room where I would deliver, and she handed me a different gown that had the snaps along the shoulders (it's easier for labor and delivery) to change into. Once I climbed into the bed, they hooked up the IV and went through the intake process.

The on call doctor stopped by my room to introduce himself. I was incredibly disappointed that my doctor would not be delivering Denna as I knew he was supportive of my desire for another VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). At my prenatal appointment that week, I had asked him if he was on call over the weekend.

So, when I realized Denna would be coming that weekend, I knew he would not be the doctor to deliver her. But, given my successful VBAC with Greta and that I arrived at the hospital already in labor, I was confident I could still have the birth I wanted.

The contractions were coming every three minutes at this point and were so strong that I needed to squeeze John's hand to help me through it. This went on for an hour until I had a full bag of IV fluids in me. Apparently, this was a prerequisite for the epidural. Finally (FINALLY!) about 11:30 p.m., the anesthesiologist came in. He was a no nonsense kind of guy and got it done quickly, which was a huge relief for me.

Finally, I could rest and relax. My family had arrived by this point. After a little while, the nurse came in to check me and broke my water accidentally in the process. I had definitely progressed (I think I was around 8 cm at this point), and things were looking good. This was especially comforting as the on call doctor had told me he was not going to give me any pitocin to help with labor, and my body had to do it all on its own. So, we settled in to wait while my body prepped itself for delivery.

The next several hours passed in nervous anticipation. I knew the pain and pressure that was coming and definitely felt a little anxious about going through it again. I also knew the only way out was through and knew I was able to handle it.

It was probably about 2 a.m. or so when the nurse came in again to check me. I had officially reached 10 cm dilated! Only instead of immediately pushing, she declared she would let me labor down for a bit first. This was a new part of the process for me as I didn't labor down with Greta. Essentially, it is giving your body time to naturally bring the baby further down in the birth canal without having to exert the energy to push.

The next couple hours were peaceful as I knew my body had reached the point of delivery on its own without intervention and preparation for what it still had to do.

About 4:15 a.m. the nurse declared it time to start pushing. Luckily, in addition to John, the nurse said it was okay for my mom and sister to stay with me so I had a ton of love and support as I started pushing with every contraction. Each time I bore down, the nurse would count to 10 while massaging me.

At first, I felt hardly any pressure. But with each push, the pressure grew. After about 30 minutes of pushing, I was breathless after each 10 count, and Denna was getting close to crowning. The nurse thought I would deliver within 30 minutes. So, she called the doctor to tell him to come and deliver the baby.

She brought out a table with what the doctor would need and continued to help me with each contraction. After 10 minutes she decided to call the ER doctor to be on standby in case Denna came and the on call doctor hadn't arrived yet. On the next contraction, she made me stop pushing as that's how close she was and there was still no doctor in the room. I don't want to stop. I can't stop.

Above me was a light that since it was turned off and the bright delivery lights were on, I could see my reflection. So, I knew Denna's head was right there. I could see the top of it. The pressure was so intense, and it took all my concentration, strength and will to not make that final push until the doctor was there.

Finally, the ER doctor, the same one who had evaluated me when I arrived, came in. He took one look at me and said, "Oh, I won't just be standing here." He immediately started pulling on gown, gloves, etc while more nurses came into the room. They helped him and removed the lower part of my bed. After only a few minutes, he was ready, and I got to make that final push that brought Denna into the world.

(The on call doctor arrived only a few minutes after Denna was born. I find it humorous that the doctor on record for delivering her wasn't actually in the room. But, that's the way it works.)

After the immediate screening, they put her on my chest for skin to skin time. She was still covered in vernix, but I didn't care. I thought she was beautiful, and she immediately calmed down listening to my heartbeat and feeling my warmth.

But, that's not the end to the birth story.

While we were skin to skin, the on call doctor gowned up and replaced the ER doctor to finish by delivering the placenta and stitching the minor tear I had. Twenty minutes later we were still waiting on the placenta. The doctor had been massaging my abdomen trying to get it to detach but no luck.

Both doctors started trying to manually remove it by sticking their hand up me like I was a ventriloquist dummy. Unfortunately for me, a nurse had turned off the epidural as soon as Denna was born thinking I wouldn't need it any more. So, I really felt their efforts to remove the placenta. It was not pleasant. After the doctors consulted each other in hushed tones, the on call doctor explained what was happening.

They were going to take me in the back (the operating room) and get me more comfortable (read: sedation). Then, they would try to manually remove the placenta again. If that didn't work, they would try a D&C, though it is riskier on a post partum uterus. If that didn't work, they would have to do a hysterectomy (but would leave the ovaries).

At the mention of a hysterectomy, I was scared and a little pissed that I might have gone through the vaginal birth just to still have to have surgery. Though it would take care of the birth control question for us. By this time, the nurses had taken Denna to finish their work, and they started getting me ready for the OR. It didn't take long before they were wheeling me out of the delivery room. John wasn't allowed to come with me.

In the OR, the moved me onto the table and secured my legs to metal poles with straps. The nurses and doctors were moving around getting ready. A sonographer had come in so they could maybe see where the placenta was attached and also make sure they had gotten it all. Then, the no nonsense anesthesiologist gave me the medication in my epidural that put me out.

When I came to, nurses were pushing on my abdomen and discussing my bleeding. The doctor told me they did the D&C and got the placenta out in three pieces. Grateful, my only concern was whether someone had told my husband. (Later, I would find out I had lost a lot of blood and the operating team was on standby in case they had to quickly do the hysterectomy due to blood loss.)

Soon I was back in the room and nursing my baby girl Denna. So, the delivery was both smooth and scary. Like she had already shown us during the pregnancy, she would insist on her own story to differentiate herself from her sisters.

(Photo credit: Sassypants Photography)

Poppet Month 1

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Sat, 24 Mar 2018 13:00:00 +0000

Dear Denna,

One month since you completed our family and yet it feels like you've always been here. Your sisters adore you. They're always asking to hold you and love nothing more than to give you all the hugs and kisses. Greta would smother you with love if we let her. Willa loves to hold you and is the best helper at getting me things you need.

You've been a pretty easy baby so far. Though maybe not the best sleeper. Some nights are better than others. The worst part of the night is the 2 a.m. feeding when you're wide awake and can take 30 minutes to 2 hours to go back to sleep. Then there are nights when you'll sleep for 4 or 5 hours before waking up to be fed. Those nights are my favorites.

We've already been on a few adventures together as I haven't wanted to be stuck in the house the whole time we're home together. This last week we had company as I kept your sisters home from school to spend some quality time together. Truthfully, I also thought it would be a good way to get used to managing three kids on my own. The week was louder compared to the rest of the month, but it's also been a lot of fun.

One of the things you'll have to get used to in your life is people mispronouncing your name as it is unique. (When I looked it up on the social security website, it hadn't even been used enough in the last 20 years to have a result.) I've already had to correct many people who called you Deena. You'll also have to get used to me calling you by your sisters' names. It's an unfortunate byproduct of having three girls.

Welcome to the world, baby girl. We're so happy you're here.

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 12

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Sun, 03 Jul 2016 12:30:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

Today I of course can't help but reflect on the journey we took to get you here. I am no less proud of the story today as I was a year ago.

Two weeks ago you started walking! You had been standing on your own, cruising and taking half steps for a while. So we expected it to happen before your birthday, and you didn't disappoint us.

Since you took those first steps on your own, you have not slowed down. You are walking all over the house. The teachers at daycare have repeatedly told me how nothing stops you.

Your sister is just as proud of you as your daddy and I are. Whenever you're walking around, Willa will look at me and say, "Look at my big girl walking." It is so sweet to see how much you two adore each other. I fully expect the two of you to fight and bicker, probably starting sooner rather than later seeing as how you like to take Willa's toys, but I hope you can always be friends.

This afternoon we're having family over to celebrate your first birthday with a party. We're cooking burgers and brats, and after presents and your smash cake, we'll go watch the fireworks Coppell is putting on especially for you. Okay, so the fireworks are for the city's 4th of July celebration. But, we'll just pretend they're for you.

I wasn't sure how you would do with the cake, so last week I bought some cupcakes. By the way you shoved that cupcake in your mouth, I knew you would have no trouble figuring out what to do with your birthday cake.

The last 12 months have happened in the blink of an eye. It's hard to imagine our family without you. Your beautiful smile and playful heart bring much joy to all of us. Happy birthday, Butternut, my baby girl, my sweet G, my Greta. I hope you always feel loved on your birthday.

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 11

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Fri, 03 Jun 2016 13:00:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

Where did my baby go? When I cuddle with you these days you take up so much more room than you used to. I swear it was just the other day I could lay you down and not worry about your roaming all over the house. And now there is no containing you.

This month you discovered cabinets and the wonders they hold within their doors. Your favorite thing to do is pull yourself up on the cabinet pulls and then open and shut them fast so there's a lot of noise. You never fail to look at me with the biggest grin on your face while you're doing this.

Because more than once we have had to swoop in just before you pull things out of the cabinet you shouldn't, we finally did some more baby proofing. Mainly the cabinets that hold either cleaning supplies or sharp and/or breakable objects. You have expressed your great displeasure at discovering your favorite toy receptacles won't open any longer. You looked at me like it was the greatest betrayal in all history.

You do not sit still. I'll watch you stop to play with something and think you'll be there occupied for a bit. So I'll turn to do something and when I peek back at you a couple minutes later, you've moved onto something else. Hence why we really were overdue for baby proofing.

When I play music while cooking, you don't give me strange looks like your sister. Instead, you dance right along with me. You love the movement. Clapping your hands, bouncing, patting your legs (or mine). You're all about finding that beat.

Every day we get closer to walking. You'll stand on your own for about 30 seconds. But you haven't quite got the confidence or balance to step out. But you are quick to grab our fingers and take off walking around the house. When I sit down with you, you are immediately trying to get down. When I set you on the floor, you do not let go of my fingers and you start walking to wherever it is you want to go. And if I want to avoid causing you to fall, I have no choice but to follow. Because either way, you're going to keep going.

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 10

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Tue, 03 May 2016 12:00:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

So much change this month.

This month you started crawling on your hands and knees. There are still occasions when you will crawl on your stomach, but for the most part you're staying on all fours. It's fun to see the joy on your face as you move to wherever you want to go. Plus, it's nice that your shirts are staying a little bit cleaner since you're not dragging yourself around.

A new tooth arrived in your mouth this month. That makes four on top and two on the bottom. I keep expecting more to pop up considering how often your fingers are in your mouth. But so far, it doesn't seem like any more teeth are close to the surface.

A couple weeks ago you started waving bye bye. It is so cute to see you waving your little hand. Especially because it's accompanied by a big grin. You've also started to show a little separation anxiety. You've cried a couple times when we've dropped you off at daycare in the morning, which breaks my heart. You're also reluctant to go to someone you don't recognize.

This past weekend, I took you to the mall with me. I came prepared with some snacks for you as I knew you would probably find it a little boring. When you started to get cranky, I gave you a few puffs. After you finished them, you looked at me and pointed your finger at the palm of your other hand. You were clearly signing for more. I was so proud! You were communicating. I couldn't wait to get home and tell your daddy.

You've been trying to stand up on your own without the assistance of a table or chair. You get on all fours and straighten your legs so your butt is in the air. But you haven't quite figured out how to straighten up so your body is above your legs. So you instead shake your butt hoping the momentum will lift your body. Baby twerking. It really is adorable, and I really need to get a video of it.

You've also started walking with the assistance of the walker. You look quite pleased with yourself when you walk across the room. I have no doubt that you will be walking on your own before your birthday.

Speaking of, I don't know that I'm prepared for the fact that you'll be turning 1 in two months. The last 10 months have flown by in the blink of an eye.

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 9

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Sun, 03 Apr 2016 20:23:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

At the beginning of this month, I had a work trip that lasted a few days. I was a little worried that you wouldn't sleep through the night for your dad while I was gone, but you gave him no trouble. Though I know everyone was happy when I came back home.

This month you got three new teeth, all on the top. It was about a week of not quite sleeping through the night. Plus there were so many fun diaper and clothes changes. Your poor little bottom was bright red from diaper rash. But when the teeth finally popped through your gums, all those issues thankfully went away.

Daycare moved you up into the mobile infant room. You were so ready. One day the daycare director came in to your classroom while giving some new parents a tour. She noticed you practically on top of another baby trying to give him one of your patent-pending open mouth kisses. The teachers told her you were across the room two minutes before that. Your daddy and I are well acquainted with this phenomenon of how quickly you move across a room.

You've been coming home from your day in the mobile baby classroom exhausted since you've been only taking one nap and there's so much more activity happening. We've been feeding you dinner and then putting you to bed early. Though you're so laid back that you don't mind staying up a little longer as long as Willa will play with you.

We went camping this month, which was both your sister's and your first camp out. You did better than I ever dared to imagine. We brought your pack and play for you to hang out in. When we went for a hike, I carried you on my back. To sleep I bundled you up in many layers because it was cold. You did wake up in the middle of the night, but I think Willa woke you up when she started crying. At that point, I put you in my sleeping bag with me. You stayed plenty warm and slept the rest of the night without any trouble.

Your first Easter egg hunt went well, though you were happiest just sitting in the grass trying to put an egg in your mouth. If I tried to take it from you to drop it in your basket, you protested greatly.

You're still crawling on your stomach for now. But you love to pull yourself up to standing whenever you can. You're starting to try and feed yourself more. You continue to babble at us. I ask Willa what you're saying, and she replies, "Goo goo gah gah." Which is about my interpretation. You occasionally growl deep in your throat, which I find hilarious. I haven't been able to catch it on video yet because you always stop as soon as I pull out my phone. But I'm going to keep trying.

Happy nine months, my sweet G!

Love,
Momma

Nugget Year 3

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Sun, 27 Mar 2016 12:30:00 +0000

Dear Willa,

You've grown in so many ways in the past year. Taller, longer hair, bigger feet. Exponentially more words. In some ways more adventurous. In other ways more cautious. But one thing hasn't changed. You're silliness and infectious laugh that never fails to make me smile.

There is so much you've learned in the last year. Counting (I think you're up to 11 or 12 without much help from us), the alphabet, colors and shapes. I'm so impressed with what you have learned at school and picked up from watching Little Einsteins or Doc McStuffins.

I wasn't really worried about how you would react to a new baby in the house. But from the moment you met Greta, you've loved her. The first week she was home you wanted to help by changing her diaper. Of course, I couldn't let you do that so I convinced you to change the diaper on your baby doll.

When I bring Greta into your classroom and the other kids inevitably gather around to ooh and aah over the baby, you stand next to her declaring, "MY baby Greta" in case there were any doubts as to who was her big sister. It is so sweet.

Your favorite colors right now are pink and purple. You love Doc McStuffins, Frozen and The Little Mermaid. Though we went through a pretty serious Little Einsteins phase last summer. You'd eat mac and cheese every day if I let you. Though you do still love rice and beans, and you often ask to have fish for dinner.

(Photo by Sassypants Photography)

Monkey (the Wubbanub I cut the pacifier off of two years ago) must still be in your hand to fall asleep. And Pillow was, up until a few months ago, as important. Long story short, Pillow got an irreparable hole in it. So I took you shopping and let you pick out a new pillow. You picked out a Frozen pillow and right away had to sleep with it. You've never had any trouble transitioning to the new pillow and haven't mentioned your old Pillow at all.

You love to play with your Little People dollhouse and "be a princess." Sometimes you want to be a specific princess, Elsa or Anna, but sometimes you just go in to your dress up trunk and pull out an outfit. You'll declare, "I'm so pretty" and curtsy at us or spin around giggling.

A couple weeks ago I told you you were pretty and you told me, "I'm not pretty. I'm not wearing a dress." My heart broke at the realization that you already associate being pretty with certain clothes. I now tell you every day how pretty you are no matter what you're wearing. I hope you'll see yourself through my eyes some day and realize just how pretty you are.

We took you on your first camp out last weekend. You were so excited to sleep in a tent and had so much fun running back and forth from tent to tent with your cousins. When we went to sleep that night you crawled in between me and Daddy. Later that night I rolled over and watched you as you slept. I was in awe of how beautiful you are.

Happy 3rd birthday, my beautiful, sweet Nugget, my baby girl.

I love you,
Momma

Butternut Month 8

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:30:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

There were times in the last few months I didn't think we'd ever reach this point... sleeping (mostly) through the night! I stopped feeding you when you'd wake up. One night I was so exhausted I went back to sleep inadvertently when I heard you crying and next thing I knew it was morning. After that you started sleeping through the night more often. You still on the occasional night will wake up, but all you need is your paci back in your mouth. I must say I think we're all much happier (and better rested) this month.

My breastfeeding plan with you once I got settled into the working/pumping routine after returning from maternity leave was to go until at least six months. We got to six months and pumping was still going great, and I still had some reserve of milk left so I decided to go until seven months, maybe eight. It was clear several months ago that I wasn't pumping as much as you were drinking at daycare. So at seven months you had eaten up all the reserve. I made the decision to keep going but supplement the extra bottles at daycare with formula since there was only a month left of cold and flu season. Well, we made it a week shy of eight months. It's not easy to work full time and breastfeed/pump. I'm proud to have breastfed you as long I as I did.

You love to stand up. Last week, I even saw you standing when I know no one put you in that position. Which means you pulled yourself up all on your own. Oof, I don't know if I'm ready for what that means is coming very soon.

Like your sister at this age, you love to play with Cooper's dishes. If I'm not paying attention, and you're in the kitchen with me, you will make a beeline for those dishes. They now spend a lot of time on our kitchen counter so you don't make too much of a mess.

Your teachers at daycare have been telling us that you move around the room and like to give the other babies kisses. I think they're being a little naive because I think your real goal is to eat their faces as that's what it feels like when I get kisses from you.

These days you are making a lot more noise... babbling and cooing. You like to blow raspberries and cluck your tongue. You also growl sometimes deep in your throat that sounds a little disturbing if I hear it while not looking at you. I keep trying to catch it on camera but have been unsuccessful so far. I will catch it someday.

Happy eight months, sweet G!

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 7

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 13:30:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

Happy 7 months, baby girl!

You've been crawling a lot more recently. Especially on our tile or wood floors where it's easier for you to pull yourself along. You like to get up on your hands and knees and are rocking like you know there's something you can do to move forward but you haven't quite figured it out yet. It won't be long before you're going all over this house all by yourself.

The other night you were standing up while holding on to the ottoman. I was barely touching you so you were holding yourself up. You were having a great time banging on the ottoman while also trying to eat it. I wouldn't be that surprised if you skipped crawling on your hands and knees and went straight to walking.

You're still not sleeping through the night. And up until last week, I was still nursing you at night. Then I realized that you weren't still nursing at night because you were hungry. I knew it was time to stop that habit. It's been really hard this past week or so. Before you'd nurse for 10-15 minutes and then go right back to sleep. Now that you're not nursing, it's taking longer most nights to get you back to sleep. A couple nights ago, we were up for two hours trying to get you back to sleep. Even though it's been rough, I know it's the right thing for all of us. That we will all be happier if you can start sleeping through the night. So I'm hoping that eventually you won't need us to get you back to sleep when you wake up at night. That you will be doing it all on your own.

When we moved last spring, we knew we had to find a new church. It took us some time but eventually we found one that felt right for us, which meant we were finally able to schedule your baptism. You were an angel in your christening dress and did great during the service. When you leaned in to give me one of your open mouth kisses (the kind where it feels like you're almost trying to eat my face), you melted the congregations' heart as I heard one big "Awwwww." Your extended family joined us for the service and then came to our house for lunch, where you weren't feeling the hostess role and instead took a nap. Everyone forgave you.

Love,

Momma

Butternut Month 6

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Sun, 03 Jan 2016 15:00:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

Part of me is amazed that you're six months old already. Part of me wonders how it's only been six months since you expanded our family by 33%, because I feel like I've known you my whole life. It's been a busy month for you.

This month you started eating solid food. The only times we have trouble getting you to eat is if you're overly tired or hungry. But you usually are eager to eat. You even get mad if we tease you a little with food and then don't deliver it. So far, you haven't turned your nose up at anything. Bananas, apples, pears, sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, peas and green beans... you eat it all.

While you're still not consistent, you slept through the night more often this month. Not of course in the last week or so. But before Christmas you were doing it three or four times a week. That I can handle. Of course, there is something that may be contributing to you not sleeping through the night every night.

You cut your first tooth this month! You grabbed my finger one day and shoved it in your mouth. I was surprised to feel the sharp edge of your first tooth. But, looking back, I realized it may be part of the reason why you are still waking up in the middle of the night this month.

Your first Christmas was special. You ate up attention from family members and got to watch your cousins run around with each other. Naturally, you weren't into the presents much, but you had a great time regardless.

You loved all the Christmas activities... the parade in Coppell, the trains at NorthPark, driving around looking at lights. You even sat in Santa's lap without crying at all. Something your sister didn't do.

Willa discovered that you love to watch her sing. One evening she was singing a song she learned at daycare about the months of the year. You giggled at her. Now she sings that song to you every day to get you to smile and laugh. And, you happily oblige her. It is quite sweet to watch.

You're starting to get up on your hands and knees and rock back and forth. I can see your determination to figure out how to get moving. You really want to. If there is something just out of your reach that you want, you will launch yourself forward just enough to get it. So technically, you are crawling though you're not going all over the house. Yet. It might be time for us to put up the baby gate on the stairs.

I hope your next six months are as fun and wondrous as your first six months.

Love,
Momma

2015 Recap

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 22:27:00 +0000

Whelp. 2015 was a big year for us. We definitely did not sit idle.

It started in January. I got a promotion to vice president of marketing. I didn't blog about it for a couple reasons. One, I haven't done much blogging lately aside from my Butternut letters. Two, I don't talk about my job much online. My Facebook post from January sums it up pretty well:

It is rare when I talk about my job on social media. This is a deliberate choice. I want to break this self-imposed rule today because I have some big news I want to share with you, my friends. I have been promoted to vice president of marketing at Insurance Technologies Corporation! A couple years post-graduate school into my career I realized where my dream was, where I wanted to be. And for the last 3+ years I have lived it and I continue to live it every day. Life is good.

Almost a year later, this hasn't changed. I love my job and the people I get to work with.

In February, John started a new job. As a result of his new commute and the fact that we were expecting a baby, we decided to sell our house. We wanted a little more space and to move closer to both our jobs. After a crazy and stressful couple months, we managed to do just that.

We love our new neighborhood and commutes. Seriously, it now only takes me 15 minutes to get to work when traffic is bad. We love our new house. In fact, John just asked me last night if I missed anything about our old house. The answer was not much.

Then Greta came. And our lives and hearts expanded even more.

(Pictures by Sassypants Photography)

It's hard to explain how it happened. It just did. I don't love Willa any less because of Greta. I just found more capacity to love within myself.

Right before I came back to work after having Greta, we discovered John's old Jetta needed repairs that would cost more than it was worth. So we bought a minivan.

It's still a little weird for me to think of myself as a minivan mom now. But that's what I am. It has already proved itself to be the right car for us multiple times. It certainly made getting all of us, Cooper and our bags and Christmas presents to and from Christmas celebrations much easier.

Also recently, we crossed off a huge goal for us: we got life insurance. Adulting advanced level unlocked. (More on this later.) (Hopefully.)

So in 2015, I got a promotion. John got a new job. We sold our first house. Bought a new one. Had a baby. Bought a car. Bought life insurance. (We've done our part for the economy this year.)

And this was just the big things. We also went to Hilton Head, South Carolina, on a trip with my friends from graduate school.

We went to Hot Springs, Arkansas, for our first vacation as a family of four. (Willa had croup. It was not the best trip ever, but we still had a good time.)

2015 was a huge success. I hope 2016 is ready. It's got to follow a really great year.

Butternut Month 5

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 14:00:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

This month you started giggling. You laugh most often at your big sister, which makes my heart grow every time I witness it. You've also found your feet. If you're not otherwise contained, your feet are going automatically in your mouth. I wish I had your flexibility.

We've tried to give you rice cereal a couple times now. The first time you were so hangry you wanted nothing to do with it. I'm not sure what your deal was the second time, but it was only slightly more successful than our first attempt. We'll try again in the next few days. Fingers crossed you take to it soon and start to get more calories from table food.

It may be silly, but I'm hoping that as you start to take in more calories, you'll start consistently sleeping through the night. Every month as I increase how much milk you drink at daycare, I have this hope. But to no avail. Yup. Those late night feedings are still happening. Sometimes you even wake up twice. Once again this month, you did sleep through the night a few times here and there, but that was it. I'm doing my best not to wish away a time I might later miss, but I'm going to be frank. I'm tired.

You've become quick to reach for and grab things. You've knocked cups of water over, pulled a full juice bottle off the counter, and will grab a fistful of hair without hesitation. Much to your sister's consternation. I've tried to tell her she either needs to let me put her hair up or stay out of your face. She hasn't really grasped that lesson yet so you keep pulling her hair, and she keeps acting surprised that you did it. I'm sure it won't be long before you do it intentionally.

We have gotten many comments lately about how you don't cry. And you don't, unless you're hungry or tired. You're such a laid back, easy going baby that we'll put you on your playmat or in your chair, and you could be fine there for at least 30 minutes. It certainly makes getting things done around the house easier.

You ran your first Turkey Trot last week. Well, to be fair, I did all the running. You slept in your stroller for the first mile or so. I was a little worried about how you would do, and if you needed to eat, that I was going to have to stop and sit on the curb to nurse you. I should have known better because I know you just go with the flow (see above paragraph). I hope you come to enjoy that Thanksgiving tradition as much as I do.

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 4

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:30:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

This month you've worked on perfecting your skills rather than adding more to your collection. You're adept at rolling over preferring to sleep on your stomach than your back so you immediately roll over as soon as we lay you down. You're holding your head steady and are reaching for the toys that hang on the handle of your car seat. You're even trying to contribute to the morning conversations between me and your big sister on our way to daycare.

One thing you're still not really doing... sleeping through the night. Though you've done it sporadically through this month. When you do wake up, I'm not immediately feeding you and am instead seeing if I can get you back to sleep first. But sometimes you insist upon it, so we still have an occasional two a.m. cuddle just the two of us. And though I would really like my uninterrupted sleep back, I really do enjoy those cuddles when the house is quiet.

So quick to smile, I love to be the one that brings a smile to your face. But, I love it even more when it is your sister that makes you smile.

You are so alert watching everything around you. Whether it's a fan, the blanket you're lying on, or your sister, you are often content sitting where you are, watching what's around you. You even sometimes forgo an afternoon nap because you insist upon watching the other babies in your classroom. (Though evenings would be a little smoother if you would just take that nap. I'm just saying.)

You're such a laid back baby who goes with the flow. Even if it involves enduring the storm that comes with a toddler's tantrums. Thank goodness you can still nap just about anywhere.

Daddy and I had tickets to the A&M vs Alabama football game a couple weeks ago so you and Willa stayed at your Aunt Lola's house. I completely forgot your milk until we pulled into their driveway. Since we didn't have the time to go back home before we left for College Station, I bought some formula. I felt like a horrible mother having to do that and was anxious how you'd do taking formula. Until that day, you had only ever had breast milk. I made Lola swear to text me after your first bottle. When I got the text that you sucked it all down, I felt a little less like a bad mother. I am glad to know that when the time comes, you shouldn't have any problem transitioning to formula.

It's hard to say whether you enjoyed your first Halloween. You were Lambie to Willa's Doc McStuffins. The lamb headdress was huge on your head. While you didn't mind it at first, I did take it off after we had been trick or treating for a little bit. Eventually, you got tired, so I carried you until you fell asleep. I'm just grateful no one was throwing up this time.

Sometimes when I'm holding you and we're having dinner or just sitting around the living room, I can't help but look at your daddy and remind both of us how blessed we are.

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 3

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Sat, 03 Oct 2015 19:40:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

Well, like I predicted, you stopped sleeping through the night about the same time I went back to work. It hasn't been too bad. You wake up once and nurse for about 20 minutes and then promptly go back to sleep. Then I can crawl back into my own bed. I'm making it work by trying to go to bed early and not being super strict with myself on my early morning workout schedule. A couple nights (not back to back) this week you slept through the night. I am excited but wary. There is possibly some light at the end of this tunnel, but I don't know how much farther we have to go yet. Still, I enjoy the cuddles with you when the rest of the house is quiet.

You started daycare the same day I went back to work. As a second child, it was much easier to drop you off that first day than it was for me with your big sister. I talked with your teachers about your schedule, how much you eat, etc. As I was leaving, they said I could call if I needed to check on you. But I was confident you would be fine (you were), and knew that while I would miss you terribly (I did and do), I would be fine too.

Your teachers talk about how sweet you are. And everyone says you and your big sister look like twins with different color hair. Personally, I don't think you look exactly alike but you do share similarities.

You're still breastfeeding like a champ. Our freezers have a big supply of milk as I started pumping and storing milk when you were only a couple weeks old. I'm glad you haven't had any issues with breastfeeding. Our freezer supply is enough to last a month after you stop actively breastfeeding. I don't have a plan for how long you'll breastfeed and am instead focused on enjoying it while it lasts.

This month you started rolling over. At first it was just front to back. And then it was back to front. Now when we get you out of your crib you're more often than not lying on your stomach. Whenever you want to slow down, I am a hundred percent okay with it.

Love,
Momma

Butternut Month 2

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Thu, 03 Sep 2015 19:26:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

Happy two months! Life hasn't changed that much in the last month though you are changing every day. You're starting to get chunky. You've got dimples on your elbows and knees now and one on your cheek that shows up when you smile. It's adorable. You've also started to coo at me when I talk to you. It is the sweetest sound.

You've been sleeping in your own room for the last month, and, though I don't want to brag too much in case I jinx it, you've already started sleeping through the night. I put you down about 8/8:30, and you will usually sleep until 7/7:30. There is the occasional night when you wake up once, but more often than not, you don't. I am grateful but wary. Your sister was sleeping through the night until I went back to work then she stopped for a while. I would not be surprised if you did the same.

Earlier this month we had a sip & see party for you when family, friends and neighbors dropped by to see you. The most common comment I hear about you is how much dark hair you have. The second most common is how much we look alike.

Last week we took a little family vacation to Hot Springs, Arkansas. My plan was for a long weekend of fun just the four of us. But Willa got sick so we ended up spending most our time in the condo we rented. You didn't mind. You enjoyed hanging out with us whatever we did. When we did get to explore Hot Springs National Park a little, you rolled with it and did beautifully. You were great in the car. Since you're rear facing, I have no idea if you slept the whole time. But even if you didn't, you were content and quiet.

I finally finished your birth story a few days ago. It took me several weeks to write it all out as it's quite a long story. As painful and as hard as it was to live through, it is one of the most beautiful memories in my life, and one I will cherish. Always.

We're almost to the end of our full time together. In 11 days, I'll go back to work, and you'll start at the same daycare as your sister. Part of me is looking forward to getting back to normal. But part of me is sad. I have enjoyed every second of my time with you on maternity leave. I'm going to miss you during the day just like I still miss your sister.

Love,
Momma

Butternut: A Birth Story

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Tue, 01 Sep 2015 01:53:00 +0000

Greta was born on Friday, July 3, but her birth story actually starts two days earlier.

TL;DR - I had a successful VBAC.

I knew before I was even pregnant that I wanted to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean). My doctor had already told me I was a good candidate for a VBAC because my c section was due to Willa being breech and not because my body didn't progress with labor. During my prenatal appointments for Greta, my doctor again confirmed that if I wanted, I could try for a VBAC. Even with the risks, I had to try. I wanted a vaginal birth if I could have it. It was an experience I yearned for.

It was about three o'clock in the morning on Wednesday, July 1, when I woke up because of some cramping. It took me 30 seconds or so to rise up into consciousness and realize that the pain I was feeling were contractions. And not the Braxton-Hicks contractions I had been feeling for a while. These were strong and much lower than the Braxton-Hicks. Stronger than the true contractions that had been irregular for a couple weeks up until then.

The wave of the contraction passed, and I tried to go back to sleep. Twelve minutes later, another came crashing over me. About this time I realized I was alone in bed as John had sought the quiet of the guest room that night. (Apparently I snore at the end of my pregnancies. It has happened both times.)

For the next several hours, the contractions continued to come every 10-12 minutes. With the regularity and intensity, I knew these weren't practice contractions. That this was the beginning of labor. But my doctor told me not to go to the hospital until contractions were 5-7 minutes apart. So I breathed through each contraction as it came and waited. They never got closer together and eventually I managed to get out of bed and take a shower.

When the hour became more decent, I woke up John and told him I thought today might be the day. We talked about what to do and made a plan to get Willa up and to daycare and see if the contractions continued. We made calls to all our family members to let them know it would be soon. But by the time we got Willa to daycare, the contractions had slowed down and lessened in intensity. I decided to call my doctor and get her opinion. She agreed that it wasn't time to go to the hospital yet.

The bigger decision to be made... do I go into work or stay at home? Spoiler alert: I went to work. I knew if I stayed at home and labor did not progress that I would feel guilty and lazy for that decision. I also had a couple final things I wanted to get done at work before I left on maternity leave. I know. I should have stayed home to rest. I took it easy at work, and instead of going to book club that night, I went home instead.

That evening the contractions started coming harder and faster again. Still not fast enough to go to the hospital. I listened to some good advice and took a warm bubble bath before I tried to go to sleep. It was relaxing, and I was able to sleep for an hour or so before a contraction woke me up. That night the contractions were intense, but they were irregular with intervals that were 15-30 minutes. I would sit up in bed and sometimes rock back and forth while focusing on breathing to get through each one. I didn't get much sleep.

Once again, when the morning came the contractions grew even further apart. However, the intensity was still there. Since my contractions were still pretty intense, and I was exhausted from not really sleeping, I decided to stay home. I did a little bit of work in the morning and then tried to relax. I had my 39 week prenatal appointment that afternoon. Before John left for work, I told him he would need to come home at lunch so he could drive me. There was no way I wanted to drive myself. Since my contractions were strong, I didn't want to have one while driving.

Lucky for me, my mom was in Dallas that day for a work meeting. We met her for lunch before my appointment. And since she was as anxious as we were to find out if the show was really getting started, and she didn't want to be back in Fort Worth in case my doctor declared at my appointment the baby was coming that day, she came to the doctor's office with us.

The doctor confirmed I was a couple centimeters dilated and mostly effaced, further proof that this show was warming up. We talked strategy of what to do should contractions progress enough to go to the hospital over the holiday weekend. We made plans for an appointment on Monday in the (extremely unlikely) case that I didn't have her over the weekend. As we walked out, I was partly relieved that I didn't have high blood pressure or any other complication that would have resulted in induction and/or a caesarean section and partly disappointed that I had no more clues as to when this was going to happen.

On the way to our cars, my mom suggested she play hooky that afternoon, and we go get pedicures. (It's an old wives tale that getting your feet rubbed can induce labor. I must say the evidence from many women I know suggest its plausibility. It certainly couldn't hurt, and I'd have pretty toes.) We sat in the massage chairs and talked about different scenarios and plans for what we'd do with Willa when it came time. After pedicures, we picked up Willa from daycare, and my mom took us home.

That evening with just the three of us, I tried to relax. But the contractions were already getting stronger. I called my sister-in-law Jen who is a doula to ask her advice on how to deal with the pain until it was time to go to the hospital where I planned to have an epidural. She suggested several positions that were good for relieving pain in the lower back where I was feeling it mostly. She also suggested I create my own hot compress with a sock and rice. (That thing was the best.)

Once again I took a warm bath to relax before trying to go to bed. I wasn't asleep long before the contractions woke me up shortly after 10. This time I couldn't even sit up in bed. I somehow managed to slide off the side of the bed and tried several positions to see if it felt any better. What I finally found to work for me was hugging my exercise ball and rolling on it back and forth. After the contraction passed, I crawled back into bed to try to sleep only 10 minutes later to be back on the floor hugging that ball.

This happened a few more times before John made the decision to call his parents to come over to be in the house with Willa while we went to the hospital. I then called my parents to let them know we had called John's parents to come over and would likely be on the way to the hospital soon. After I hung up with my mom, I called my doctor who said she'd let the hospital know we were on our way and gave me instructions on which entrance to use since it was late in the evening.

I actually contemplated taking a shower while we waited for John's parents. But then another contraction came, and I wasn't confident in my ability to stand for the duration of a shower. I reasoned I had taken a bath right before bed so I was probably okay. We got dressed, and John got his stuff in the car as my bag had already been there for a couple weeks.

(Poor Cooper. He was confused as to what was going on. The evening started like normal and then we started turning lights back on and walking around the house and packing things. He didn't know what to think.)

My in laws arrived. We gave them some instructions and talked tentative plans for us to call when it would be a good time to bring Willa to the hospital. I did my best to be my usual gregarious self while contractions kept coming, and I couldn't help but wish I was already at the hospital with the epidural administered. After a few minutes, we were finally on our way.

The drive was uneventful. John didn't break any speed records, and we arrived within 15 minutes pulling up in front of the entrance for after hours labor and delivery arrivals. I'm amazed they let us in after John told the nurse on the intercom "We need to come in." I thought for sure they would think we were crazy or something. But when I mentioned my name and my doctor's name, they opened the doors for us.

I wasn't able to walk at my normal pace so we slowly made our way into the hospital and up to labor and delivery where I checked in and tried to remain standing while John filled out the paperwork. After walking gradually to my room, I changed into a hospital gown and crawled into bed hoping that the check in process would be quick. At this point it was about 12:30 a.m.

I got settled in bed and started answering the nurse's questions. John went to get the rest of our stuff out of the car and move it into an actual parking spot. But before he left, the nurse asked him if he wanted to wait and see if labor had really started and I would be staying. "Oh. It's started. We're not leaving." was his reply.

The nurse took my information and checked to see how much I had dilated. It was enough that the doctor confirmed I should be admitted and wouldn't be leaving. This was a relief because it meant as soon as my IV was inserted, I could get an epidural.

My contractions were coming stronger and faster. I started squeezing John's hand every time one came to help me focus on something else besides the pain. Finally. Finally, an hour and a half after arriving, the nurse anesthetist came to administer the epidural. She warned me about how it may be hard to sit still, but I wasn't worried. I was prepared to do whatever I needed to do so the pain would be numbed.

She had said it may take up to 30 minutes to be completely numb, but I started relaxing almost immediately and chatting more with the nurses. I hadn't been especially chatty up to til then. My legs felt warm and tingly. I was so happy to be at this point... Labor started and progressing naturally. I didn't have to be induced. Epidural administered. (My doctor and I had talked about the epidural a couple weeks prior and agreed that getting an epidural was the best call in case there was an emergency situation. Then the epidural would already be in place, and I wouldn't have to be completely put under and could be awake for a c section if needed.)

At some point during the admitting process, my parents had arrived. After the epidural was confirmed to be successful, they were allowed back in. This was about 2 a.m. so we were all instructed to try and get some sleep while we could. I still had several centimeters to go before it was time to push.

John and my parents slept on the pull out couch and chair in the room. I tried to sleep. Honest I did. But I had so much adrenaline flowing through me that I couldn't turn my brain off so I didn't get much sleep. I did doze a bit. It didn't help that the nurse had me in a position on my side with a leg raised to try and encourage my progress. The nurse came in a few times over the next several hours to change my position.

Sometime around 5ish I was feeling pain in my lower pelvis and even though I had pushed the button for more medicine, it wasn't helping much. I was starting to feel contractions again. So I mentioned it to my nurse and after discussing it decided to order a bolus. It felt like cool water had been poured down my back and once again, I couldn't feel the contractions.

The nurse shift change happened at 7 a.m., and my doctor arrived at the hospital. John and my dad went to get breakfast while I got checked again. I had progressed but still wasn't at the magic number of 10 centimeters. We did discover at this time that Greta was sunny side up aka face up. Luckily, this didn't mean a c section. Just meant that delivery may be a little bit tougher. So once again it was time to get into different positions to encourage not only cervical dilation but also see if Greta would flip over.

The doctor broke my water and noticed something to be concerned about... meconium came out with the amniotic fluid. It meant Greta already had her first bowel movement. The concern was that she may have breathed some of the meconium in. It meant that she would have to be looked at immediately following birth to make sure she hadn't swallowed any of it and that her breathing was clear. Once again, it didn't mean an automatic c section (thank goodness).

I was starting to feel pain in my lower pelvis again around 8ish so I rang for the nurse to ask for another bolus. My nurse was busy so the charge nurse came in to help me. While she was there, she checked to see how much I was dilated. It was about 8 centimeters. The nurse said something about pitocin. I told her I had no pitocin, that the progress was all me. She was surprised and encouraged me to keep going.

The rest of the morning was spent in various positions trying to use gravity for Greta to put more pressure on my cervix so it would finish dilating and also in the hopes that maybe she would turn on her stomach.

My sister arrived and sat with me for a while. It was during this time that my nurse had me on my hands and knees in the hospital bed. Conversation with my sister was interesting seeing as my butt was in the air. This was by far the most uncomfortable of all the positions she had me in, but I didn't care. Whatever I needed to do to deliver that baby vaginally, I was going to do.

After about 30 minutes on my hands and knees, I had had enough and asked to be repositioned. I was at 9 centimeters, and my doctor suggested we try a little bit of pitocin to get me the rest of the way. I was a little disappointed to be using pitocin at all. But considering how I got to 9 all on my own, it didn't really bother me that much.

At about noon, my doctor declared it time. Nurses started prepping, and there was a lot of activity in the room. My doctor gave me instructions for pushing. It felt so surreal. Like I was watching it instead of experiencing it.

The pain in my lower pelvis was becoming more pronounced again, so I asked if I could have a bolus. They wouldn't let me have it because they wanted me to have enough feeling to be able to push. This did not help my anxiety.

I had started trembling an hour or so before this even though I wasn't cold. It was partly my hormones and partly anxiety. I remembered how I trembled being wheeled into the operating room to have Willa. As the morning went on and my labor progressed, I got more and more nervous about the job I had to do. Even though this was my second baby, because of the c section, my body was responding to this birth as if it were my first. I had no idea what to expect, and I was scared. Scared of the pain, scared of a potential second c section after all that work I had already done. But dammit I was determined. I took strength from John and my mom who were both there with me and from the rest of my family who were in the waiting room.

My legs went into the stirrups, and as a contraction came, I pushed. I wish I could say I pushed a few times, and she was born, but this was not a movie. It did not happen that fast. Despite my epidural I felt a lot of pressure and some pain. My doctor gave me a local anesthetic, but I don't know how much it actually helped.

I closed my eyes to try and remove myself from the pain I was experiencing. I was getting tired, and my doctor noticed. She gave me three options: 1. Continue pushing as I had been. 2. Try the vacuum to see if that would help. 3. C section. I absolutely did NOT want the c section. I had not just been through all that labor pain to end this thing in a c section. So I gave her permission to try the vacuum.

Three attempts with the vacuum didn't do much to get Greta to budge, but it was successful in another way. I realized if I wanted to avoid the c section, I was going to have to dig deep. That it didn't matter how tired I felt, I was going to have to find the energy from somewhere to get across that VBAC finish line.

My delivery nurse was a petite woman who was an obstetrician in China. During labor she knew which positions would work to get my cervix to open up and Greta to move into position. During the pushing she encouraged me to grab my legs rather than the handles on the bed. And I hate to admit it, but she was right. Grabbing behind my knees worked much better than the handles did even if it did hurt more.

At some point my doctor needed to step out, and the nurse moved into her position so I could continue pushing. She was really good at encouraging me, but whenever the nurse touched me to try and stretch the birth canal, the pain became much worse. It was so bad that I envisioned what it would be like to kick her in the head. My legs were in a good position. I could say it just slipped during a contraction while I was pushing. I didn't do it, but it felt good to dream about it and gave me something else to think about.

The pain and the pressure were getting more intense. I thought back to my swimming days and remembered something my coach would tell me... swim through the wall. Don't stop before you get there. Put all your energy, all your power into those final strokes, and hit the wall strong. I found the energy I needed and put all I had left into pushing.

Finally, almost two hours since I had started, at 1:43 p.m. Greta was here. The pressure was gone, and my beautiful girl was here. It was an emotional moment. I was elated, relieved. There was so much joy. I had to wait until the doctor was done stitching me up before I got to hold her. When we finally got a chance to go skin-to-skin, I whispered to her and told her I was proud of her. Together we accomplished something beautiful and miraculous.

I knew what we had accomplished was great, but I didn't fully realize it until later when I was in my postpartum room. Every nurse we had would express surprise and admiration when she learned I had a VBAC, especially given Greta's size (8 lb 10 oz). That's when I started to understand what we had done. Not every woman can attempt a VBAC, and not every doctor does them. Even the women who try for a VBAC often have a repeat c section. I feel lucky that I had a doctor who encouraged me to try and not give up.

The lesson I took from this was not the first time I had learned it, but it was the most glorious version I've ever experienced... that I can accomplish great things when I am determined. Sure it may not be pretty and it may hurt, but the result can be beautiful... just like my sweet Greta.

Picture taken by Sassypants Photography

Butternut Month 1

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 19:58:00 +0000

Dear Greta,

It's been one month since you joined us. You have slid into your place in this family as if you've been here all along. All of us are enamored with you. Your sister runs into the house in the evening squealing, and the first thing she does is look for you. You are too young yet to react to her kisses and hugs though I look forward to the day when you are just as smitten with her as she is with you.

So far you've been an easy baby. You're easy to soothe. It usually just takes a paci and some cuddles, and you settle right down. Unless you're hangry. Then you make sure the whole neighborhood knows how mad you are.

Except for the second and third nights you spent on this earth when you were up every 1-2 hours, you've been a good sleeper at night. For a couple weeks now, you've only been waking up once to nurse, usually around 3 or 4. Though a couple times you've gone all the way til 5. You've been sleeping in our room this month. I'm planning to move you to your room this week so we'll see how that affects things.

Picture taken by Sassypants Photography

Your favorite game is Let's Poop in the Fresh Diaper Mom Just Put On Me. You're really good at it, having reached master status already.

When your sister was a baby, I was too nervous to leave the house with her by myself. So I spent the majority of those first couple months at home. With you I have had no such anxiety. We run errands a couple days a week together. Some trips are better than others, but it is always good to get out of the house. And I no longer stress if you start to fuss in a store. I pull out the sling, and you're much happier hanging out there as I finish up.

I've already called you by your sister's name more than once. I'm afraid that's something you're just going to have to get used to. If it makes you feel any better, Omy still calls me Laura on occasion.

Welcome to the world, baby girl. We are so happy you're here.

Love,
Momma

Picture taken by Sassypants Photography

Butternut's Here!

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Wed, 15 Jul 2015 15:44:00 +0000

For anyone who doesn't follow me on Twitter or Instagram and therefore hasn't seen the news... Butternut's here!

Greta Ruth Schroeder became the newest member of our little family on Friday, July 3rd at 1:43 p.m. She weighed 8 pounds, 10 ounces and measured at 20.5 inches. Long and lean.

Full birth story to come soon.

38 Weeks

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Thu, 25 Jun 2015 02:03:00 +0000

Ugh. 38 weeks pregnant. Nine months for all you out there who need a monthly count.

How do I feel? (I've been getting asked this question a lot in the last couple weeks.)

In no certain order...

- Hot
- Huge
- Uncomfortable
- Like I've been pregnant forever
- Hot
- Tired
- Overwhelmed
- Hot
- So incredibly blessed

But mostly I'm just hot and tired. Seriously. Mad props to all those mothers who went through third trimesters in July, August and September in Texas. It's only June, and I'm nearing the end, and I still want to climb into an ice bath every day. You made it through those hellish months. You deserve an award.

I've enjoyed this pregnancy and getting to carry Butternut with me these last nine months. But I am ready to evict this child and claim my body back as the sole occupant.

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We've been talking a lot with Willa lately about her baby sister. Where baby sister will sleep. Which one is her seat in the car. Which toys are hers. As we've pulled out the baby stuff in preparation of Butternut's arrival, she would use every toddler's favorite word: Mine! After we explained to her that it was for baby sister, she seemed to accept it. Fingers crossed she'll accept her actual baby sister as quickly. And if she doesn't... well, she will eventually as I know years from now she's not going to remember her life without her baby sister in it.

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Life feels a little surreal these days. We're standing at the edge of another huge life change, and we're just waiting for it to happen. A life changing event can happen any day of your life. But much of the time, you're not expecting it. Knowing how drastically our lives are about to change and just wondering which day it will be (Is it today?) is a weird feeling I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.

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Mostly, I'm excited. To see this new beautiful baby of ours. I've dreamed about her so much lately. Part of me wonders if there is room for her. Intellectually I know there is. It's just hard to imagine the emotional side, how it's possible for a heart to expand that much. But that is exactly what I expect my heart to do.

Life is going to get harder. But it's also going to be more vibrant and fuller than ever.

Butternut, I hope you're packed. Moving day is coming soon, and we can't wait to meet you.

The C Word

noreply@blogger.com (Becky Mochaface) — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 01:02:00 +0000

I knew eventually that I would have to watch what I say around Willa. That she would start aping every word that came out of our mouths.

Swear words were the obvious ones on the list of what not to say around a two year old. But there was one word that I didn't expect. That four-letter, c-word... cake.

Willa loves cake. I mean LOVES cake. This became obvious one particular Saturday a few weeks ago.

I woke her up from her nap to get ready for a birthday party for a friend's two-year-old son. She was cranky and not cooperating with my requests to change her diaper and clothes. So I decided to bribe her with the promise of birthday cake.

BIG mistake.

She heard the word cake and then would not let go of it for the next couple hours.

Not while we all finished getting ready to go to the party.

Not during the drive to the party.

Not when we got to the party.

We tried to distract her with other things...

Willa, do you want to play on the playground?

No. Cake.

Willa, do you want to play with your cousin Lily?

Cake.

Willa, do you want to eat a hot dog?

No. Cake. (Though Cheetos were an acceptable alternative.)

Willa, let's watch him open presents.

Cake.

She was singularly focused and was not to be deterred from her goal of getting some cake. At one point as we drove to the party and she kept asking for cake, John looked at me and said he hoped there would be cake or we were going to be in trouble.

Cake can even be demanded at breakfast though at that point she usually means of the flat and pan variety.

Now if anyone mentions cake around her, they better be prepared to fulfill the promise, no matter how obscure, or they're going to find themselves with a new two-year-old member of their family.