It's all Circumstantial

It's about mistakes

2012-01-17T00:53:00.001-05:00

Nobody wants to look stupid. Whether you are in a group of friends or you are the friendless one of the group, the one thing that is on your mind is leaving your audience with a good impression. This can not always be done, as we all know, and we put our foot in our mouth far more often than we would like. While this by itself can be embarrassing, it is often our attempt at recovery that can make us look downright foolish. So if it is these attempts that truly show our failings, why do we even try them? Why do we attempt to save-face if it could possibly do nothing but expand our mistakes? It is because we are taught to strive for that "A+" in everything, no matter what the cost.
Life doesn't come with grades; it's built on relationships. Why do we then strive for "perfection" when the idea of it is different for everyone? We put it in our heads that success is about doing everything right. What we don't see is that progress is much more based on mistakes, those little bumps on the road of life, that steer us towards success. Thomas Edison stated, "I have not failed 700 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work."
Mistakes can really take a toll on a persons ego, but, when treated right, can also be an ego booster; it's all about how you take it. If your mistakes cause you shame, you will never be able to live up to your expectations. If you view your mistakes as a learning experience, you will grow internally towards your goals. If you accept your mistakes, even laugh at them, you can put yourself farther up on the path to being who you want to be. Your mistakes may embarrass you, but you'll never grow from them until you accept what you did and try to not do it again. Self pity doesn't help you here; you need to move onward with a better perspective. The journey to success is a long road of mistakes, but as long as you let each mistake guide you, you'll wind up where you want to be.

It's about staying positive

2010-09-04T00:27:00.002-04:00

Why is it that, no matter how much we try, we all tend to offer negative views of our friends, ourselves, or the world at one time or another? Why do we scorn ourselves just because we have responsibilities? Why is it that, after every little set back in our lives, we resort to belittling ourselves and stating "FML" as if our life is the armpit of the world? Why do we, as Americans, think we have it so bad sometimes while a dozen kids died from hunger in the time it took me to write this sentence? Why?
Life is full of ups and downs, but for some reason it is the down moments that stick to us the most. We have gotten so complacent with having an easy life that, after every nit-picky thing that happens, we curse the world. Emotional injury is the worst thing that most of us will ever know and, for many, that is enough to drive them to suicide. It's funny to think that, somewhere out there, there is a boy who is in more pain than I could ever imagine from malnutrition and yet pleads for life while a boy down the street begs for death after his girlfriend of two weeks leaves him. How pampered our lives have become.

What's worst is that all of this is unnecessary. No, I'm not saying that you can stop yourself from getting emotionally hurt, but you can make it through if don't focus on the negativity of your life. It's very easy to wallow in your own self pity, never letting go of your pain, but the great thing about emotional pain is that you have the power to fix it, no doctor required. It's all about staying positive.

The same way that a cancer patient has much better odds of recovering if they have a positive outlook, we can help ourself overcome our own emotional pain. We need to view the proverbial "finish line" of our situation and concentrate on getting there, looking past how we got here. Just how Olympic athletes are told to focus on the gold, we must focus on getting back to the state of mind where we feel comfortable and happy. Things can help us along, like our friends and loved ones, but it has to be our choice to run to the finish and not wander around the starting gate. While it's hard to look past what has wronged us, and, in truth, we never fully can, it's something that is really essential to do in order to maintain ourselves how we were created to be. So, when your world seems to be falling down, run to the finish line. Maybe when you get there you'll realize that your world isn't as bad as you believed.

It's just the way it is

2010-08-25T03:26:00.002-04:00

   Somethings will never change. No matter what you do or say, there will be things in your life that will be outside of your control and, as hard as you might try, you will still try and change it. What is important to remember, though, is that it's not how you react when you encounter something that is outside of your power, it's the state of mind that you rationalize the situation in. What does that mean? It means that it's not how you defend against the situation that is important, it's how you plan the defenses.
   Now I know that you must be thinking that not every situation involves defenses, and you'd be right, but doing nothing about a situation that you have no control over is usually the worst possible option. However, if there is nothing to be done, why should you then do anything at all? The reason is that just because you can't win does not mean that you necessarily have to lose. It's all about changing your perspective.
   When one usually encounters something beyond them, it usually involves or revolves around another person. Whether it be an attitude that doesn't change, a mannerism that won't go away, a rule that won't break, or whatever it may be, the immovable object is usually a human being and, many times, that person is immovable because we either think they are or don't want to show them they aren't. We, as a society, have placed such a high value on personal feelings that we will, more often then not, choose our own discomfort than risk offending someone. This viewpoint, however politically correct it may be, is wrong.
   While I do not believe that our own comfort should ever come before someone else's well being or feelings, we aren't helping anyone by letting every uncomfortable situation stand. We are here on this earth to help each other, but we cannot do that if we are too afraid to do anything because they may feel hurt. But, like I said earlier, it's not how we plan on telling the person, it's how we perceive the situation that we are in.
   We are trained to think of ourselves first but, in this case, this is the worst possible thing we can do. We must try to see the other persons side of the story first and then, and only then, try to see how our viewpoint connects with theirs. Just because someone is wronging you does not mean that they are intentionally doing it, they may just be accustomed to a different manner of social interaction. Just because someone is seemingly ignoring you does not have to mean that you are unimportant, that person may just be unable to give you the attention that you want at the moment. Just because someone is seemingly passing up on time spent with you for others does not have to mean that you are not important, they may have more time critical things that need to be done.
   What do we get by realizing what the other person is seeing the situation as? We can then better understand how our viewpoint is different and then present the differences to the other party. How is this different then a simple confrontation? By doing this, you are more likely to have a calm demeanor when you address the person and also have a better understanding of them so you do not blatantly accuse them of something you think they are doing. Yes, there is still a chance that the person may be offended, but you should never place yourself in the backseat in any relationship. Just because you may not currently be in the drivers seat does not mean that you are not helping to navigate and steer the relationship to where you both want. As soon as we are ready to realize that we need to try and see things as they are before acknowledging our own assumptions, we can prepare to push our unmovable object to where you want and need it to be. An unmovable object is only as steadfast as you allow yourself to make it out to be.

It's God

2010-05-30T19:18:00.004-04:00

It's hard to believe in something that is wrong. Putting your faith in something that is full of errors would be a foolish and costly mistake. People would never walk over a bridge that had no supports or had holes in it, and the same is true with the spiritual side of life. While people can say that the Bible is 100 percent true because it is showing us God and God is 100 percent true, this is false. The Bible is 100 percent true because God made it so.
   As we can see in God's Word in John 1:1, the Bible is not just the sayings of God or the actions of God, it is God. While the translations now will differ and the wording may have changed, the original writings that were passed through the writers were inerrant and literally God putting himself down on paper. Time and time again the Bible has been fact checked and, each and every time, has been proven correct. You can find fault in His word as easily as you can find fault in Him.
   Why then are not all “holy books” this way? Well, sadly, just because you were born in year 500 BC and write about God does not mean that God is writing through you. Yes, many of these books contain much that we can learn from, but we cannot claim what has come from men as 100 percent fact.
   The main thing to differentiate from the Bible and all “holy” writings is, bluntly, the author. Yes, the scribe was different, but the dictator of His word was the same. We can all rest easy that, like it says in Matthew 5:18 and like God Himself, His word will never change.

It's about strengthening each other

2010-01-23T18:42:00.006-05:00

            We all have areas of weakness. Whether it be something we continually do without wanting to, or not doing something because we are afraid or just don't want to, it is something we all struggle with each and every day. Unfortunately, it is hard to expect us to be able to handle these issues on our own; by our own definition, we are too weak. We need help.
            Here is where things get difficult though; just because someone is willing to help you doesn't mean that they can or even should. This comes back to the famous quote by Jesus, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Just because someone isn't suffering from the same ineptitude does not mean that they are the right person to help us, even if they have the desire to do so. Why? Put simply, one way strengthening won't let them worry about their own areas that need growth; you need to strengthen each other.
            What it comes down to is balance. You can't expect someone who doesn't excel in your weaknesses to be able to help you and vice-versa. Whether its compiling a circle of friends to help the next, or finding your perfect opposite, the only way for real growth is to build on each other without weighing them down. Just how you wouldn't build on a weak foundation, you must fill in each others cracks and be both the foundation and tower together.
            It's not easy accepting your own weaknesses, much less sharing them with others. All of our lives we are taught to deal with our own problems and that, "God helps those who help themselves." What we fail to realize is that God is here for the sick, not the well. It's when we realize we are helpless that He most comforts us, and He doesn't do that alone. He has given us all friends or family to help us overcome what holds us back; all perfectly chosen just for you. Opposites attract for a reason; they are the peanut butter to your jelly, but only together can you be greater than the sum of your parts and become the perfect sandwich.

And I'd like to think God enjoys a good PB&J. :)

It's not just flowery language

2010-01-14T22:48:00.001-05:00

             When we hear the words "flowery language," what most likely goes through our heads is the sweet nothings we all associate with relationships. To the parties involved in the conversation, these words are sweeter then honey and are deeply encouraged in most situations. To parties not involved, however, these words are most revolting thing that could be said. What we all miss though is the importance of such language in everyday situations, not just intimate relationships.
            What we must first realize is what flowery language really is: embellishing for the sake of emphasis of a specific point (also known as a hyperbole). Something we don't acknowledge though is the abundance of situations that we all use it in and how it helps us to communicate truth to someone, even though embellishing is, at its heart, lying.
            When your good friend is having a bad day, it is not uncommon to tell them that you would do anything for them. Would you really do anything for them? If they told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it? Of course not, but it conveys to them that you really do care. When you tell your significant other that your love burns hotter then a thousand suns, it really doesn't. It's just their way of putting into words something abstract. When your boss says he will give you the boot if your performance doesn't improve, you don't consider ignoring him to get free footwear.
            Outside of birthday surprises, there aren't many occasions where lying isn't frowned upon but flowery language is definitely one of them. We have all become so accustomed to using it that, until someone else uses it front of us, we tend to be oblivious to it. That doesn't mean we can just not use it however. Sometimes telling your friend that you care or your partner you love them isn't enough; even if it is the truth. Sometimes true words cannot express what we feel. So next time you hear a sweet nothing, never forget that, while maybe not in the same context, you do the same thing too. Sometimes the only way to express what needs to be said is in beautiful lie.

It's not about the number

2010-01-07T00:17:00.000-05:00

            So many people nowadays put so much emphasis on the numerical representative of someones age. We are all given key ages to get to before we are considered ready for a job, a right, or even personal responsibility. But what do these ages mean? Is it really true that we are not ready to assume our role in society until we fulfill the digital goals we are all given? Yes. And No.
            Many times in our lives we pass points to be accepted into a new category in society. Whether it be teenagers, voters, adults, or senior citizens, we are all placed in categories to describe where we are in life. The problem with this system is that, while it groups us apart to signify we are different, it forgets to unite us in the characteristics we have in common.
            We were all put here for a reason. Whether it's to be teachers, doctors, politicians, mothers, or just friends, we all have a goal and purpose to pursue. No matter the stage in life we are in, we are all working towards being what we are. Yes, the older we get, the more we can do towards our goals, but the goals are still the same.
            What does all this mean? It means age contributes to us and no the other way around. We are free to be who and what we want without the stigma of our birth date. We don't have to let our age or lack-thereof hinder us from being who we want. The number is there to empower us to move ahead in life and not hold us back. So this year, on your birthday, don't count down towards your goal, count up towards the dreams you've wanted since you were a lowly 1.

It's about looking back on the year

2009-12-31T23:34:00.003-05:00

            It's easy to look back on a year and say, "It was just another year." If the saying is that hindsight is 20-20, why is it that we miss all the good things that happened to us over the course of the year. Each and every year is filled with it's own blessings and let downs, but that is what makes each year unique, not the same.
            Blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Whether it's the present you got for your birthday, to the new friend that you made, sometimes it's the things that can change us the most that we cherish the least. Going on this new year, we must be prepared to appreciate everything that we receive no matter how insignificant it seems. If a mustard seed can move mountains, we can never underestimate the power of the small things. God works through ways that still amaze us today, but his most amazing thing he does is the things we forget to thank him for.
          Let downs are a part of life as well and, as much as we might hate to admit it, it is probably the thing that influences us the most. Through the past year we've all had our low moments, moments we thought we might never live down, but here we are today, at the dawn of a new year, and we are still soldiering on. It is not that we need to learn to appreciate the bad parts in life, but we need to learn to acknowledge that we are being put through those times for a reason. God never fails to bring us through the dark to the dawn, but sometimes we forget to thank him for the sunlight afterward.
            We are all here through 365 days of trials. Whether or not we are thankful for where we are or how we got here now, we must never forget to thank God for the year we went through. Each and every day is a gift from God that we don't deserve and, while we might not have appreciated all of them, we must be thankful for all 365 of them.

It's about seeing God in the little things

2009-11-15T03:39:00.003-05:00

            It's easy to see God move in big ways. When he makes the impossible come to life by saving a life or changing a life, it's hard to deny he is moving. But when He is just orchestrating the background, or just showing us glimpses at his will, we all just tend to ignore it. When we least expect it, He is moving.
            We may not always pay attention, but God, or fate as He is called in the secular world, is always pointing us in the right direction. It's Him working when you miss the bus to school and you just happen to run into an old friend who needs help, or makes you hit traffic on your way to work so you are fired and find a new job that is better. When we least expect it, He is moving.
            Sometimes though he doesn't he just presents a sign and it's up to our free will to decide to obey or not. While we could have before not helped our friend or accepted the new job, those are things we would normally do if we could; God just set up the situation. But when God sets up a yield sign, it's entirely up to us what we do. Sometimes its the answer to a prayer we didn't want, like a sign of a failing relationship or someone moving away, or just those little coincidences that we shrug off, like just the right song playing when we hit shuffle or the right person calling when we need a friend, that show us down the path God wants us on or that He just wants us out of a situation all together. When we least expect it, He is moving.
What we need to be careful of is taking every thing that happens to us as an act of God. No, unless you just happen to fall backwards into an open Bible that reveals something you needed to know, God didn't make you stub your toe. Just because He works in mysterious ways doesn't mean he always dropping you hints. We just need to be able to recognize the moments when He speaks and distinguish them from when He isn't. If it isn't pointing us towards Him and where He wants us to be, it probably isn't Him. When we least expect it He is moving, but not everything is a movement.
            We today, as a whole, tend to put God in a box and only bring him out on Sunday mornings, failing to realize that, even when it hurts us, he is working. God doesn't want cookie-cutter Christians, but He also doesn't want us spilling out of the pan, that's why, whenever we need it, He nudges us or points us in the right direction. So go ahead and be a oatmeal-raisin, chocolate-chip, snickerdoodle, or whatever kind of cookie you want in whatever shape you want, but never forget to listen to the things God is telling you... Even when it's just a whisper.

It's easy to talk when no one is listening

2009-11-09T03:05:00.004-05:00

            The right words tend to get lost when we are under pressure. Maybe it's the anxiety of making a fool of ourselves in front of others or the lack of time to collect our thoughts but, when the moment is right, we all tend to be at a loss for words. That is why we all vent off camera, out of sight, where no one can see us stumble until we get everything just the way we want. It's not the ideal arrangement, but sometimes the only way to tell the truth is when you are alone.
            Self searching plays a big part in discovering our true emotions and thoughts. Without it we can only go skin deep into ourselves, never reaching the heart of the matter. For many of us that search is through prayer or meditation, some fill time with mind-numbing tasks until it hits them, and others just sit in silence hoping the answers will come. Whatever the method is we all come to our answers, but how we share them is another matter completely.
            Even the most extroverted person fears the people who they admire and seek approval of. For some reason we cannot put our collected thoughts to words that easily, forcing us to seek alternate means of communication. The number of relationships that hide behind a letter or an instant messenger to tell the truth is great, but the number of relationships that go discussed is greater. In some way, form, or fashion, we all need our own way to tell someone else what we are thinking.
            As the song goes, "Every time the time was right all the words just came out wrong, So I'll have to say I love you, in a song." Music is just one form of telling someone the truth. Somehow hiding behind a guitar or a recording is the safety net someone needs to convey what they are thinking, sometimes it's something as simple as a poem, painting, or blog, but one thing is certain; it's something that more of us need to start doing.
            The truth is useless if it is never said. What good is a testimony if it is never told or a song that is never sung? It doesn't matter how we do it or what we do it on, but we all need someway of saying what we think and we need to start telling our thoughts. Trust is the most important thing two people can share, but we need to be willing to share the truth first. I have my blog, poems, and music; what do you have? Whatever it is, you need to start using it. Go ahead: no one is listening.

It's easy to not pursue it

2009-11-05T02:37:00.004-05:00

            There are many types of wants and needs in life; the want of possessions, the want or need of attention, and the need of affection just to name a few. The issue with all of these things is that there are many variables that control our ability to get them. We need money to buy something, the courage to stand out and get noticed, or just the openness to love like you want to be loved, but that's not all even these things depend on. Sometimes we ignore our wants and needs because we make ourselves. It's easy to say no when the odds are stacked against us.
            The most obvious thing that comes to mind is possessions. It is so easy nowadays to just put all our dream items, like a car, on a credit card or payment plan and worry about paying later, but we train ourselves to not do so. Why? Because we know that it would be irresponsible, yes, but also because we know that, in the long run, we wouldn't be happy when we can't pay for it and it is taken away. It's easy to say no when the odds are stacked against us.
            Another prime example that effects all of us is the want or, sometimes, need of attention. Whenever we want to be noticed, its very simple to do something either shocking or "comical" just to get attention, but we don't always do that? Again, why? For most people it's the fact that it is not in their nature to act out, but for some it's the shame they feel when a certain someone notices what they did or the rejection from someone who didn't even notice. Yes, we would get attention, but it probably wouldn't be the kind we wanted. It's easy to say no when the odds are stacked against us.
            Something that we all need however is affection. This most basic of human needs is also one of the hardest to get and also the hardest to lose, but we all struggle with it at some point. Some say its as simple as asking for it and getting a parent or close friend to devote time to you, or declaring your affection for someone and hoping they return it to you, and yet we all struggle with doing these things. Why? Unfortunately there are too many answers to list, but some of the reasons would that perhaps, after you ask for affection, the other party would perceive you differently or consider you weak. In the case of returning affection, the fear of rejection if that person did not return their affection is almost unbearable to some, others have a fear of altering their relationship for the worse, while still others "just know" that it wouldn't work out. It's easy to say no when the odds are stack against us.
            However, sometimes it's not so easy. Sometimes that want, desire, or need is so great is so great that it breaks all boundaries of common sense and drives us to go for the goal. It's those moments, when we lay everything out on the line, when life happens. It may not always turn out the way we want it to, but it's the price we pay for living it. We must never be afraid to follow through with our hearts true desires. While we are often unprepared for what may happen, it's easy to say yes when we want it bad enough.

It's about not compromising

2009-10-29T04:06:00.004-04:00

            How often are we taught that we should change things about ourselves to better fit our current situation or circumstance. We are told that in order to make it in this world we will have to settle for something we may not want or to change our plans so that they are more "realistic" and closer to the stereotypical "normal". What we are not told, however, is that we don't have to.
            There is an old saying that states, "The future is what you make it." This saying rings more truth that most people give it credit for as, in most circumstances, you have no one to blame for where you are now except yourself. Yes there are cases where you may have been thrown into a situation that was totally out of your control, but we truly are the shapers of our future.
            Once we get fixed on one goal or one state of mind, that is when the world tells us we are wrong and we must conform to what is "right". When the little boy states he wants to be an astronaut we heartily encourage it, but when the time comes to start working for that goal we are also the first to show that boy something else he should do. When someone has the natural tendency to react a certain way to a situation, we somehow find it our duty to show him the error of his ways even when there was nothing "wrong" with the way they did it. Why? What is so wrong with someone doing something their own way or dreaming big?
            We have to come to the understand that, on both fronts, our own ideas or ways of thinking are our own and we need to keep it that way unless asked. We need to have the courage to defiantly stick to our plan or way of thinking, while having the common decency to not try and influence someone else into our way of thinking. It is our responsibility as humans to be diverse, to differ from one another, and to stick to our guns when we know we are in the "right", and shut our mouth when the other person is in their definition of "right".
            It's not about letting someone live their life without your aid when they are in need of help, but it's also not up to us to correct every wrong we think we see. On the other hand, we also cannot become so fixated on something that we ignore everyone's attempt to help us, but we also need to stand firm in our goals and what we believe to be true. We must learn to never compromise when we know you are right and also to never cause someone to compromise when we may be wrong. Life is only worth living if we are living it as ourselves.

It's about not reading too much into it

2009-10-21T01:36:00.002-04:00

"You know it ain't easy for these thoughts to leave me... These feelings won't go away."

            Whenever someone does something or something happens, it is a human tendency to try and read the deeper meaning of the action. Getting "the hint" is what makes up a lot of human interaction and is one way we avoid being directly mean to a person. The problem is, sometimes we read more into something then there is.
            Whether it be semi-sarcastic remark someone just gave you, the cold shoulder from a friend, or the just too long hug from someone of the opposite sex, it's very easy to assume the very extreme cases. Those comments and actions that were meant to be a jest, sign of a bad day, and them just feeling lonely are suddenly transformed into a hateful comment, a sign of a ending friendship, and proof of desire. The unfortunate thing is there is little we can do to prevent it so we must learn to ignore our impulses.
            While we automatically assume the worst, we must trust that the worst is not happening. That isn't to say we should go to the opposite extreme and take everything at face value, but a friend not replying to a text message doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to talk to you, someone not telling you they are safe doesn't mean they are in danger, and a casual "I love you" doesn't mean that they want to get married. Everyone portrays their feelings differently. You need to be prepared to accept that what you think is happening is wrong.

It's about being blunt

2009-10-11T23:52:00.001-04:00

"The truth will set you free"

            How often is that quote thrown around with no explanation? We are told that we must always tell the truth, but we are never told it's often much easier to lie. Most people would rather lie to someones face and be nice than to say what they are really thinking and risk retaliation, but what we don't realize is that lies create more lies.
            Now it's true that telling a lie to not hurt someones feelings does not mean you will have to lie again down the road, but what it does mean is that the "keep them happy" lie might cause an emotion or returned comment that would have not been given or felt if we had not lied in the first place. That feeling or gift is lie. Your "white lie" has now become something else entirely and, most likely, will require you to lie again to keep that "happiness" alive.
            There may be a time and place for "white lies", but it's not something you can really take lightly. So ask yourself, is it worth finally breaking the chain later and hurting them much worse later when you could just tell the hard truth now?

It's about saving face

2009-10-01T05:30:00.006-04:00

            Not everyone in your life is going to like you. Sometimes it's you fault, sometimes it's not, but there is always something you can do about it.
            We can all in insensitive to others feelings by our actions. Something trivial to us can be very important and upsetting to someone else. An innocent conversation can turn to controversy, an expression can cause uncertainty, and a gift can cause jealousy. The unfortunate thing is that hindsight is 20-20; you can't always predict what someone will think about something you've done. You can, however, try to make amends.
            In most situations and circumstances, an apology will suffice. Pleading innocence (or ignorance) is something most everyone does when we have wronged someone, intentionally or not. Detecting when we have wronged is usually easy to read if you know them well enough however, in some cases, it can be hard to decipher what it is we need to apologize for. We need to be willing to humble ourselves and talk to the one we have wronged about what is bothering them. Only then can you truly give a heartfelt "I'm sorry."
            Sometimes sorry is not enough though. Sometimes words are not enough to mend what a seemingly careless action has broken. Sometimes you must repay the debt. It might be by buying someone lunch or a birthday present but, if you are truly wanting to stay in someones good graces, you may be required to spend time and/or money to show you really care. On a different note, you must also be careful to not overdue it and seem to want to buy friendship or fall into the trap of "over paying back." You want to be their friend, not their personal gift shop.
            And finally, you must come to the realization that it is impossible to please everyone. It is hard to fix a bond that never existed. You can't always make acquaintances forget their first impression. You must be ready to walk away from the situation. It's more hard for some than others, but sometimes the best way to save face is to just leave the problem alone.
            It's impossible to not want to be liked. Human beings are social creatures that live and die on the acceptance of others. It's also impossible to not make mistakes and, when you do, you need to be ready to show weakness to your friends, be steadfast with your enemies, and have the discernment to know the difference. It's your reputation; it's up to you to uphold it.

It's not like there's a guide

2009-09-30T02:45:00.006-04:00

            It's not like there is a guide to life. There is no day by day plan to go by, no step-by-step instructions on how to solve problems. Do you know why this is? It's because there is no one answer to anything.
            Everyone is entitled to their own view on the world and their own solution to their own problems. Just because 2+2 equals four in your book doesn't mean it does to someone else. We all go through very similar problems and deal with them in very different ways.
            Stress is one of the main issues everyone shares in common and it is a classic example of how we all cope differently. Someone may go for a run while another may write their feelings down. Some people may just take it all in and never say a word about it when the person next to them cries out for comfort.
            It's not all about knowing we deal with things differently however; it's how to deal with those differences. We can't just ignore them and let everyone solve their own problems but we cannot force them to solve their problems a different way either. We need to learn to help them help themselves.
            What does that mean? It means that we need to learn to accept how someone deals with a situation and then help them in their own way. If someone needs a friend in order to get over something, we need to be that friend. If someone needs to be left alone, we need to honor their need. Someones written notes on a situation are meaningless unless someone offers to read them and make sense of how someone felt. Sometimes people just need a drinking buddy, and that's ok too.
            If we all need to learn something, that one thing would be each other. We can't help someone if we don't know what their problem is, and we can't know how to help until we know how they want to deal with it. Friendship is a learning process. We all need to be open to that.

It's about saying the right words

2009-09-24T04:20:00.011-04:00

"There are times when the world is rearranging itself and, at times like that, the right words can change the world."

            Life happens at moments of change. The mundane, day to day filler that consumes 99 percent of life means nothing compared to the explosive 1 percent of reform. It might be a death of a loved one, the birth of a child, the end of a relationship, or even the ending of a career, but those moments alter the path on which life is headed. What few people realize however is the great responsibility each of us has as friends of others to impact the lives of those close to us.
    The wrong word at the wrong time has inspired thousands of suicides, relationships to end, and all sorts of negative feedback that could have easily been avoided if someone had said something else. People take for granted the power other people's comments have on them. They stick to the colloquialism "words can never hurt me" and pretend to brush off what others have said when, in reality, those words have just changed the future.
    A kind comment on a still sensitive situation can help push someone out of despair and onward with their life. A comforting phase can heal a broken heart or spirit. A firm stance against something can show someone the error of their ways.
    It's very easy to sit back and say to yourself that they will work it out on their own. The thing is, you don't know that. Your voice could be the one thing they need at that moment. Whether it be towards God, friends, or family, sometimes you need to be the one that pushes. It's not something you are asked to do and sometimes you will even get rebuked for your actions but know this: you will never get this moment back again and, if you miss this one chance, you just may live to regret it.

It's always about a girl

2009-09-21T01:41:00.003-04:00

What many people do not realize is that, whenever a guy does something, he's always thinking about a girl. Whether or not this influences his decision all the time is debatable but, generally speaking, if a guy is doing something he normally would not do, you can feel safe betting on his motives. Cleaning his room? Open dorms are coming up. Cologne? He is meeting is hopeful sweetie soon. Wary about who sees what he is writing in his notebook? Someone is getting a sappy note. While these are fairly obvious to most people, it's the discreet hints that people (girls in particular) need to learn to pick up on.
More than half of all males profess to be bad at flirting but, in reality, it's more than half of females are bad at reading guys attempts at flirting. Girls are almost always the ones complaining that guys don't communicate with them when the truth is that they just don't understand what they are saying. It's not something that can be learned or even changed overnight, but picking up on the little things is what everyone needs to start doing. Whether it be in flirting or apologizing, we all need to start listening.

It's about being yourself

2009-09-17T01:24:00.005-04:00

Life in a dormitory can really change a person. Living in such close proximity of so many people of varying backgrounds and, according to some, varying degrees of insanity can and will affect your world, religious, and personal views. Whether you view this as a positive or a negative, there is only one thing that should be noted; be careful which ideologies you accept. Your unique point of view is one of the fundamental things that makes you you and, if you is not careful, you could be lost in the sea of faces. That is not to say learning and adopting views are all bad; on the contrary, it is that very thing that makes college a growing experience. However, when you lose all sense of self just to fit in or to not be viewed as too different, you can inadvertently become another nameless face.

Never lose sight of who you are because, once you lose yourself, you become impossible to find.

It's about casual friends

2009-09-13T16:32:00.004-04:00

College is more than school, it's about about making connections. The problem some people are having though is that, once a few connections are made, they tell themselves they are happy with what they have. Now if you believe that I'm saying that having a few close friends is wrong, then you'd be making an a** out of you and me (assume...).
Close friends are the life blood of everyday life, but it's all the memories that we are missing from the casual friends that really make that way of belief inferior. It's the girl you talk to in the lunch line, or the guy who helps you pick up your books. It's the quiet person on your sports team, or the smart person who offers help with your homework. It's not easy to introduce yourself to a complete stranger and invite them to spend time with you (and, depending where you live, the use of caution when picking said stranger is highly advised!), but its those people that can influence your lives the most. Close friends help you find yourself. Casual friends help you find the world.

It's all about being honest

2009-09-11T22:19:00.004-04:00

It's very easy to get carried away. Whether it's with a sport, someone you like, or an addiction, we have all at one time let our emotions get the best of us. A lot of times its actually beneficial for us and maybe even the people around us to let ourselves proceed as we want to; at least at the beginning. Happiness now often leads to sorrow later that would have been avoided if we had stopped ourselves before going too far.
The sad realization of this however is that, as much as it may affect your life and hurt you, it can often hurt the other person more. We need to learn to be honest with ourselves and others about what we feel and smart about what we do about it if we really want to protect ourselves and others from emotional pain. It's not the most fun answer or way to live life but, in the end, I think it's the most rewarding because its the only way you'll have friends in the end.

It's hard to move forward

2009-09-10T01:47:00.004-04:00

For a Friend

            To borrow from a vulgar saying, "S**t happens." The reality of life is that, sadly, this statement is true. So many times in our lives something unexpected comes along that completely catches us off guard and renders us totally helpless. This is the easiest time for us to roll over and feel sorry for ourselves but, in reality, this is actually the time where we need to stand firm in what we know is true and what we believe in.
   We need to stiffen up our upper lip and learn from what happened and, if we need help with that, we have friends, family, and, most importantly, a creator that love us and is there for us. That isn't to say it isn't ok to cry or show our emotions because it is; we just cannot let out emotions control us and weigh us down from moving forward in our lives. We need to learn to sit down, shut up, and let God heal us and our friends help us along while we learn from our mistakes.
   It's never fun but what we need to remember is that it's not where you are or end up that's important, it's all the people and experiences that molded you along the way that made you who you are. The process isn't painless, but the end result is beautiful.

It's not as easy as it looks

2009-09-09T01:01:00.003-04:00

To those who have never lived more that one hour away from home, it's definitely not the same as living closer. When you look at your hamper filling with clothes and think of all the quarters you are going to waste cleaning them, or opening the refrigerator to just see eight cans of soda and water, or even staring at the flashing cursor on your screen while your roommate serenades you with punk girl music, it's a totally different ballgame.

Now don't get me wrong, living away from home is a definite step up from living at home. Truly being your own master and commander has its distinct advantages, but just knowing you have no place else to go or run to if something goes wrong, or you just need to get away, can take a little getting used to. For most of us, the safety net is a non-issue. We've been living independently at home for so long that all the basics of single living, such as paying bills, cleaning dishes and clothes, and managing our own work, school, and play time, that the transition into solitary living is virtually seamless. At least, on the outside. Inside it's like you are looking for or missing something, but you can't remember what it is. It's not vital to be sure but when you are finally without it, you can't help but wonder why you didn't notice it before.

“I know I'm searching for something; Something so undefined that it can only be seen by the eyes of the blind in the middle of the night.”

It's life in Indiana

2009-09-08T01:57:00.004-04:00

Whoever said college would be a major adjustment to high school was wrong. If anything, college is easier then anyone could have promised/hoped. What I wasn't informed of is what a difference living in a small town makes. And I mean SMALL town. When the college you attend represents 85% of the surrounding population, you know there isn't going to be anything to due outside of the campus. I mean, once they roll up sidewalks at dinner time, the only place to really be is Taco Bell.

It's kinda like a recent friend of mine said, "Maybe we'll grow on you!" And with all the corn surrounding us, I think that phrase might just be literal. New friends always make the changes more bearable and, with very few exceptions, they have in spades. Maybe everything will just take a little more getting used to (and a few more late night Wal-Mart runs), but hopefully I get through it all ok.

It's a blog

2009-09-07T22:16:00.003-04:00

Why make a blog? It's simple really if you think about it. In the vast online world of Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace, there really is no effective way to express, organize, and/or elaborate on your thoughts. It is true that it is possible to create a "blog" on two of these sites but, being completely honest, they weren't made for that. Do all 300+ people care what I think or don't think about a certain subject, topic, or idea? No. So why should I speak where I am not wanted?

That and my teacher wants us to practice writing in one of these things. :)