It's ALL JuSt So eFFiNg HiLaRiOuS

Stick to Football, Crybaby....

2010-01-26T08:14:00.000-08:00

SO here I go on my opinionated rant...
I recently read through a thread on Facebook about abortion, and the fact that Tim Tebow (it is even hard to type his name without wanting to vomit) and his mother will be allowed a 30 second anti-abortion commercial spot during the SuperBowl. This, of course, sickened me and angered me instantly to no end, mostly because of my pure loathing of Tim Tebow(gag) but also because of my strong standpoints about being Pro-Choice.
Sure, everyone is entitled to their opinion and without said opinions, there would be no issue to begin with (rocket science). Amost all of the opinions on the thread I was reading were, of course, Republican christian backers of Tebow expressing how they think he is such a brave boy for voicing his opinion, and staying true to his connection with God (he must call him at home). This only further justifies my thoughts on why ignorant people should have their mouths sewn shut.
Firstly, I will touch on my point and sheer disgust that Tim Tebow is even allowed to do this. I spent most of last college football season dealing with the announcers verbally jacking off to Tim Tebow for his great football skills (yeah, so he is good, we get it). Every Saturday whether the Florida Gay-tors were playing or not, we had to hear about Tebow and how sainthood would not even do him justice.
What I can't remember, though, is recalling ever hearing about Tebow's battles with unwanted pregnancy. I can't quite put my finger on the last time he was raped only to conceive a child that may or may not have AIDS...and I must have missed the episode of ESPN Gameday where they chatted with Tebow about a condom breaking during his first sexual escapade resulting in a pregnancy that would have runined his dreams of being a football great. I shall go back and search the headlines, because I am certain that I must have overlooked these things. SURELY these qualifying factors were taken into account when Tebow decided to flap his jaws on national television regarding a subject he knows NOTHING about.
I don't care what your beliefs are, Tim. I don't care that you have everyone convinced that you are the most perfect specimen in the sports world and that you plaster your face every Saturday with the word of God. I STILL won't care when 10 years fom now you are the one on the cover of Sports Illustrated, not because you threw for an insane amount of yards, but because your real past has surfaced and you are being compared to Tiger Woods. (okay, so I probably will care, somewhere between me laughing, and saying I told you so)
Either way, this commercial that is supposed to air during the SuperBowl is rediculous and uncalled for. The little boy who has yet to even (supposedly) engage in sex and whom has never had someone tell him that he shouldn't be able to choose what happens to his body is going to send a message (that he is so COMPLETELY not qualified to send) to all of the little robots out there who want to be just like him. GOD help us.

Deep Thoughts by Amy and Monica

2009-12-07T11:12:00.001-08:00

Recently, I posted a status stating how I did not like the word "blessed"...and so my wonderfully insightful sister, Amy, decided to ponder the subject while she was having no luck counting sheep one night and message me her analysis....here are the thoughts we share on the subject...enjoy.

AMY'S MESSAGE TO ME:

Good morning sissa! As you can see, it is 3:31 A.M. and I cannot sleep:( So, in true can't sleep fashion, I am sitting in the living room watching/but not listening to, because the volume is so low, Dazed and Confused-a classic cult film, and pondering the meaning of life and the immense amount of crap I have to do in the next week. Somewhere in all of that, I found room to ponder your religious views:) I believe your hatred of the phrase blessed is due to a false view of the meaning of the statement. Someone who believes in God and his creation of us all believes that we were all created in our own unique mold. So, in essence we were all blessed the day we were created with unique gifts. For instance, you with creativity, an amazing sense of humor, and stellar artistic abilities, I with devastating beauty, brilliance, and superior well, everything:) Just kidding, but you get the idea. When a believer says they feel blessed, they refer to the abilities they were given- not God's choice to spare them or grant them a win or a new house, or fix their broken Big Screen. We all enjoy the joy and pain of free will. The choices we make mold our life. The gifts we are given give us the tools to make our life what we want. God sees us through our lives supporting within his grand plan. That is about as philisophical as I can get, so if you have more questions or comments, please direct them to Dan Brown, Dr. Seuss, or some other ruler of the universe guru:) This has been your Sunday School lesson for this week, now you can sleep in on Sunday:) I like you a loooot. I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all, PLAY BALL!

p.s. There are believers who share this scewed view of the word blessed and throw the phrase around like bad sushi. Those people make the rest of us look bad, and make people like you hate nice words like "blessed" Monica Richards December 5 at 11:17am

MY RESPONSE:

Ha ha! Thanks for the insight sissa, although my hatred for the word has nothing to do with the meaning it holds at all. For instance, I enjoy the word "fortunate" and many other words that hold similar meaning to the hated word at hand...but I truly hate the ACTUAL word "blessed." Much like I hate the words, ornry, owly, quiche, Farve, labido, and stool. It is the way the word sounds to be that makes it undesirable. I think it stems from living in the south where at least 6 times a day you hear "Have a blessed day" from strangers in stores, gas stations, brothels...etc. The word is not a joy to hear when rolled off the tongues of heavily obese(another word which I feel is rediculous, but will use for descriptive matters) clearly unbathed, toothless gas station attendants. Also, the use of the phrase is clearly overused when people are pumping out "Have a blessed day's" to every person they come in contact with. What if one of them is a satanist?...would that not be like offending a christian by saying, Have an evil day? ha ha ha ha....

Either way...it is the word that makes me ill. If the word banana held the same meaning as blessed, I could handle that, because the word banana is great, and fun to say.

"Have a banana day"
~Love, Sissa

It’s Hard Out Here For a Blimp…

2009-09-23T07:37:00.001-07:00

AN OLDIE, BUT A GOODY....

It's not every day that your grocery shopping experience turns sickening and leaves you completely irate and wanting to scream obscenities at a fellow shopper. I usually try to embrace it when these situations do arise and forever embed them in the"some people fucking amaze me" file of the "you have GOT to be dry- humping me" epicenter of my brain. Please, allow me to explain...

The boyfriend and I were happily discussing the differences between Hominy and regular canned corn while browsing vegetables at our local Kroger store this evening. This particular Kroger has decided it their standard practice to shelve veggies directly across from the bulk candy.. of course completely stocked with chocolaty goodness, gums, licorice, sour patch kids, and every Little Debbie Snack Cake you could dream of shoving in your face. Pretty smart marketing strategy if you ask me. Temptation can be a bitch while trying to make decisions about which spinach to buy while there are King-Dongs staring you in the face. Mmmmmm...King Dongs...

Still browsing the veggies, I hear a decelerating "huuuuummmmmm" directly followed by an abrupt squeak of brakes which can only be one thing. A motorized shopping vehicle has come blazing into our isle. The sound of several unknown items obnoxiously slide to the front of the motorized basket as it comes to a screeching halt. "Sir!" Neither of us turn around, but both know there is no one else within ear shot of the bellowing shopper. "SIR?!" Finally, we turn around and witness the obvious travesty that is unfolding right in front of us. A middle aged woman perched proudly in the small space provided to her on the motorized shopping vehicle is pointing in the air. I notice this second of course, right after realizing that her arm was not, in fact, the roll of honey buns I had mistaken it for. This bitch was fat. Now, I don't mean debilitatingly fat like Gilbert Grape's mom. She was juuuust fat enough to feel the need to park her lazy ass in a motorized cart to zoom around Kroger in search of her next meal; thus avoiding any actual physical activity or "exercise" she might have endured. Anyway....back to the story.

"Sir, do you think you could just, ya know, help me get those..." she was pointing her roll of honey buns at the top shelf of the Little Debbie display.

"I just really can't reach it and I would hate to knock the whole thing over." The driver of the undeserved motorized shopping vehicle was clearly desperate for the gooey decadence of Little Debbie Marshmallow Treats. The boyfriend, being the nice guy that he is, heads over to her vehicle and reaches for the box she is staring at longingly. "Yeah, that one, and if you could grab two of them... I really just can't....oh, thank you!" He puts the boxes into her basket, somewhere between the bag of Funyons and Rocky Road ice cream. "No problem," he says.

After cruising slowly down the rest of the isle, being sure to overt her eyes from the vegetable side, the sound of the motor faded. "Are you Fucking Kidding Me?!" I asked. I was completely sickened. I wanted to take every Twinkie and Starcrunch in the place and launch them at the back of her fat head. I could catch her. Surely she was probably on her way to grab some fat back, or some cookie dough to roll her hot dogs in. I was irate, and I would stand there and do nothing about it.

In case you haven't caught on to the point of my rambling, the bitch was fat. Not crippled, not disabled, not old, just fat and fucking lazy. Not only did she not need the motorized cart that she was hammering down in, but she couldn't even get off her lard ass long enough to grab the box of shit she shouldn't even be allowed to buy in the first place. Its a good thing that the Funyons and ice cream were within arms reach, or there may have been a code red in the middle of Kroger.

Some people have no fucking shame.....

2009-09-22T13:18:00.001-07:00

SO..here I go with this blogging nonsense that everyone has been pushing me to do. Is it that I have interesting things to say? High levels of doubt become me.

Perhaps its my striking good looks held in high reguards second to only my witty sense of humor and severe sarcasm. Yeah, that must be it.

I will babble, bitch, baffle, and blog till my eyeballs fall out...or until all of my no followers stop listening. Surely between solving the world's problems and changing shitty diapers I shall entice with my words. Once again, high levels of doubt become me... ;)

I am a big user of the smileys and emoticon type graphic faces cleverly combined to show you exactly how I am feeling following a sentence that I feel may be misconstrued as anything other than what I originally intended... If you no likey, I give no shits. ------> =D

Enjoy.....