It's called Life......

A Walk in the Woods

2017-02-12T18:14:00.001-05:00

I was talking to my friend on Friday about weekend plans. He is kid free as of yet and had fascinating plans like hanging out with friends and going to a party. Then he asked me what I am doing this weekend and it literally made me laugh out loud. My plans? My plans included doing grocery shopping, keeping kids quiet so Brian, who works nights on the weekends can get some sleep. My plans for the weekend were NOT exciting at all.

This weekend, filled with diaper changes, kids yelling and laughing, and coughing... lots of coughing ( recovering from the flu is no fun ) held no big plans for us.

I decided to skip church this Sunday, due to the coughing and we struck out for the park. This was my solution for helping my sleeping husband and getting the kids out of the house we have all been stuck in for the past week. The park didn't last long however, as Travis quickly bumped his head and Maddy grew bored. Inspiration hit me as I saw that there were newly constructed trails near the back of the park.

We entered the filtered, quiet woods and were instantly transformed into adventurers. As I watched the kids marching down the trail, the Robert Frost poem, The Road not Taken kept running through my head.

As the poem ran through my head over and over, it hit me quickly and forcefully.  My boring weekend is in essence, the road I took.  The choices I made for the past thirteen years had led me to this day, on this weekend, of this strangely warm and beautiful February afternoon.  I was here, talking about the different trees, singing songs and marching through the sun dappled trails of this small city park with the four human beings that belong to my husband and I.  Human beings that wouldn't be here, soaking up the sunshine and getting gloriously dirty as we wound around the trails if not for the decisions I made, and the road I chose to take.

Would it be nice to get a day to sleep in.  A night to go enjoy adult time?  YES.  Those days, those nights would be wonderful.  But the road I chose, led me down a different path.  One filled with the squeals of my two year old.  One in which I am constantly counting heads in a crowd- One, two, three and four.... over and over and over.

I am grateful for the reminder.  I am grateful for the beauty found in the moment.  I am grateful for this beautiful day.

The Big Picture

2016-04-09T10:15:00.002-04:00

“Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine

‘Cause love can heal what hurt divides

And mercy's waiting on the other side”

God has been sending me this message all week long. And lets just be honest.. its been a long, hard, emotionally draining week. I have been carrying hurt around with me for a year or longer about friendships lost and wrecked and beyond repair.

On a walk earlier this week I was talking to my friend about my theory on people. I see it as there are two types of people in the world. The first type have realized that there is a huge , wide world out there with people living their lives and dealing with the trials of this world, the sickness, the sadness, the unanswered questions of why things happen. This group of people can empathize and move outside of their own lives and try to make a difference in the live of others. The second group of people simply cant.

I am going to be completely transparent right now. One of my biggest fears is that I can be that second person. That I am that second person. I remember the day— back when I was just a 8 or 9, that I first realized that there were MILLIONS of people around me all living lives just as important as mine, just as full of worth. In my child like mind I felt the enormity of this. I couldn't put words to it, but now I know what those words were— It changed the way I felt about myself, I felt humbled by this realization.

During this time in my life, I grew closer to God. Yes, I had made a decision to accept God’s gift of salvation as a 5 year old, but I hadn't understood fully the life changing force of God working through my life. I have tried and tried to live a life of love, giving the underserved love that I have received to others. Please understand, this doesn't mean that over the 23 years following this epiphany I have lead a good and perfect life… this is where the fear comes in. I know myself. My sinful nature— the feelings of selfishness and pure meanness that overcome and flow out.

Fast forward to the past year or so. I have felt the loss of friendships, ones that I truly valued. It left me asking why. The usual answer of just growing apart jumps to the forefront, but things do go deeper. Through two situations, I have been able to see both sides of the issue. This week has left me contemplating and second guessing everything. The full feeling of not being enough, not caring enough, not being the person I need to be has left me feeling crippled and just not good enough to count. My fears of being THAT second person of my theory have come to life and feel like a giant boulder on top of me.

But this morning— I realized, staying in the middle of this storm and accepting those fears and thoughts IS being that second person. I need to go back to that 8 year old girl who first realized that there are others feeling and hurting and doubting… and DO something about it. That means forgiving.. truly forgiving the ones who have walked away.. who have hurt you. That means showing MORE love to those who feel wronged by you.

I was talking to another friend this week and she reminded me abruptly and fully that God forgives and then forgets. By moving on, mending what you can and looking for more opportunities to show His love to those around me, God can do His best work. He can turn the brokeness of the past year and a half into something beautiful. I am once again humbled and oh so grateful for God’s love in my life. He loves this flawed, ugly, broken person. Things might never be the same, and that will be OK. God has brought so many beautiful people and situations in the past year and for that I am truly grateful.

Maybe those relationships will never be healed. But learning from them will help me learn what to do better, how to empathize more, and how to LOVE more. I didn't write this for any one person, I am just hoping to help someone learn from my mistakes and, or feel the all encompassing love that God displays on His own and through His children. Moving forward, I can only try to do better, but I have the big picture to look at, and for that I am very grateful.

Turning the Page

2014-12-11T14:23:00.000-05:00

This past week, a chapter in my life ended. I am now turning the page onto a new one but it does not make it any less bittersweet. Let me rewind a bit....

On March 1, 2014 my world came to a screeching halt when I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. So many emotions all at once surged through me. Unbelief, shock, fear of the unknown and worst of all, embarrassment. I hate that I felt that last emotion... but it is the truth and I will not sugar coat it. Ever since my third pregnancy and subsequent holy terror known as Peyton entered into our lives I have been on the receiving end of comments and questions about our family planning choices by family, friends and worst of all... complete strangers.

"You DO know how this happens?" "Did you mean to get pregnant AGAIN?" "How do you deal with SO MANY children?" I would smile, say something deprecating about our lack of planning and move on as quickly as possible. These things have a way of seeping through you and making you feel like you are somehow less.

Four years after Peyton's birth, back in March I found myself at this point AGAIN. I hid it as long as possible.. which isn't very long when you are on your fourth pregnancy.. I only told my immediate family and closest of friends. I tried to be happy and tried not to cry. This is crazy.. yes? Here I am with a miracle of life inside of me, not able to be happy due to the embarrassment of being pregnant with a fourth child....

As the months moved on I got over these initial feelings. As Mason grew inside of me and I felt his kicks and wiggles, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my love for this fourth child was strong and unchanging. He is a gift from God and he has a purpose just as my other children have on this earth.

Once again as with my 3rd pregnancy, the comments came rolling in. One lady even asked me out of the clear blue if I had made plans yet for sterilization after this baby was born... A COMPLETE stranger asked me this... I smiled and changed the subject but on the inside I wanted to say some insanely nasty things to this lady who had no business asking me such a private question.

Mason came into this world reluctantly on October 13th. 9 hours of labor, 2 (yes 2) epidurals and 1 push brought forth my amazingly beautiful fourth baby. He is almost 2 months old now and he daily reminds me that he is the sweetest surprise I didn't know I needed.

(Back to the beginning of my post now) This pregnancy was by far my most difficult. High BP landed me with extreme dizzy spells and then medication to try and control it. I was on bedrest for weeks before he was induced as my body could not handle the pregnancy well. I knew from early on this was definitely going to be our last child.

All four of my babies, top left is Maddy, top right, Travis, bottom left is Peyton and bottom right is Mason

We now don't have to worry about having a 5th child and there is an immense amount of relief that comes with that knowledge. I am so completely thankful for the four beautiful, radiant and healthy children in our lives. I know that while they are young especially I will still face the thoughtless and ugly remarks from unthinking people who feel the need to remark on the size of my family, but I am taking a page from my husbands book and working on not caring!

As I look on the faces of these brilliant lil monsters we call ours, I know without a shadow of a doubt that each and every one of them was meant to be here and and has a God-willed purpose to complete during their lives. I cannot wait to start this next chapter as it is sure to be a page turner!

Thoughts from a Working Mommy

2014-02-03T17:17:00.001-05:00

I have been home all day today, fighting a head cold that has not been kind. In between sleeping, medications and laundry-- yes even sick moms do laundry-- I have had a heavy heart.

I have reposted and read so many articles about the Mommy Wars that rage around us women. I have always felt the need to stay out of it when it comes to real life battles, but lately it has really been an open wound with salt added every so often. I feel the need to say something now, when I haven't in the past, and I pray not to hurt anyone or make anyone feel like they are not enough.

I found myself in a conversation the other day with a group of lovely ladies. All but myself and one other girl were SAHM (stay at home moms- for those who might not know) In the midst of girl talk, the subject of working/stay at home moms came up. The comment was made that Working moms get to leave during the day. Such a small trivial comment, but to those of us who "get to leave" it is a slap in the face.

Please understand that in this world, all of us women who are lucky enough to have the title of "Mother" have pretty much the same goals. We want to love, we want to nurture, we want to have the very best for our children. This is where it gets sticky... Opinions get mixed in and feelings start getting hurt.

Some families- fewer and fewer these days, have the true blessing of one person ( usually the mother) staying home to care for the children on a daily basis. They think this is what is best for their children. This IS a great model... in fact my mother and father chose this model for us as a family. They sacrificed much to keep this model. But this model is not one size fits all, and sadly in this day in age it is mostly one size fits no one.

So what do we ( the women who don't have the choice of staying home ) do when we cant fit this idyllic family model? We adapt. We work 8-10 hours a day or more and rush home to spend as much time as possible with our children. We stay up late cooking and making school lunches while looking over homework and making sure everyone is bathed and ready for another day. We clean, we do laundry and find time to make sure our children feel the love we have for them. We crawl into bed truly exhausted and then peel ourselves back up every morning to repeat the cycle. Its not perfect, but it is our life and we are trying our best to make a life for our children that will help them grow and mature into beautiful, loving, caring adults.

This hybrid model of mothering is the overwhelming majority of women that I know and love. My sister, my best friends, my co-workers. But, somehow we feel that we are still not enough. We cant live that life of waving our kids off to school, doing housework while playing with your toddler, make cookies and welcome your children back from school while you prepare a perfect meal off of pinterest. And because we can't, the pressure builds and we tell ourselves we aren't enough, we aren't as good as the other moms, we just don't make the grade.

As I write this, I KNOW in my head that these are un truths. I know that my children love me and one day they will understand the sacrifices I made to ensure they had everything they needed. But my heart cries to be with my babies every second of every day. My heart tells me I SHOULD be at every field trip and every class project day.

I write all of these deep and personal thoughts because I want the other women in my life to understand. Please understand we are all mothers, we are all doing what we need to do to provide for our families, the loves of our lives. My way isn't better than yours and your way isn't better than mine. We are all trying our best in this broken but beautiful world. Working Mom, you are not alone! SAHM, you are not alone and you are truly blessed! God gave us these magnificent children. They are an amazingly huge commitment of time, tears, heartbreak and joy. Let's concentrate on building each other up instead of comparing and trying to measure up.

With that off of my chest, I am going to go re medicate and snuggle with my son while he watches Nick Jr. I am even thankful for this head cold, it gives me a day to spend with my toddler. There is an upside to everything!

The Night that Pinterest Failed.....

2013-05-28T20:59:00.001-04:00

As a working mom I battle the ever present feelings of guilt for missing out on my children's daytime moments. By the time I reach home, I am exhausted and hungry and grumpy, with precious little left to dedicate to my babies. With Peyt climbing the pantry shelves and Maddy and Trav fighting over whether to watch Sponge bob or Scooby Doo, my patience is quickly lost and I end up LOOSING it on one or all of my children.... AND enter the GUILT monster.

Tonight I made a conscious decision to do better. I can't keep falling into the same rut- or this is at least what I tell myself as I drive away from work and head out to pick up the boys. We drive to the store with a grocery list which includes ingredients for a Pinterest recipe I have been eying for awhile. Home made cheezits.

There is something you have to understand... You could NOT grow up in my father's house without liking the delicious, crunchy, salty mini cracker known as a cheezit.. My father has passed this snack food addiction down to my own dear children. He even keeps a box of the cheesy snacks in his pantry most weeks " for the kids" sure dad... sure **wink wink**

I digress... This evening I was determined to make it through the evening AND accomplishing a few simple things;

1. Make dinner, from scratch for the family
2. Make lunch , from scratch for myself ( so that I don't give into my Panera cravings )
3. Ensure that the TV stayed off for the duration of the evening
4. Make homemade cheezits with the kiddos

With number 1, 2 and 3 accomplished, I cleaned up the kitchen in preparation for the cheesy baking to begin...

Peyt, the wild child watching from the counter.. apparently pretending to be a puppy...

We followed the recipe to a T... we rolled out the cheese dough... we cut them into shapes and poked holes in them to allow air to vent. We salted them with sea salt and then placed them in the oven to bake into yummy cheesy crackery goodness...

While we waited for our cheezits to bake we went into the eerily quiet living room to listen to Maddy read to us... ( As you remember, I was very determined to keep the television OFF )

The timer dinged 8 minutes later and I pulled the crackers out to cool....

Then it was test tasting time.... Please check out the faces of my children to see if the crackers were IN FACT a success or a failure....

So, tonight Pintrest failed the Rustay family. It did not provide us with a "healthier" non preservative filled replacement for our favorite crackers... But we did HAVE FUN tonight, we did spend time together without meltdowns from either mommy or the kiddos... In my book, this makes tonight a successful evening. Maybe.. just maybe... this is a bend in the road. Maybe I can stop feeling so super guilty everyday when I look at the kids and see my failures in the form of time missed out on and things not accomplished.

We can look back on tonight and say, Remember that night we made those super YUCKY crackers?? That was fun! I can strive to make more evenings like tonight a reality. Or maybe I can try to find that happy medium I have heard so many people talk about... Either way I have a feeling there is a trip to the grocery store for real cheezits in my future!!

With Faith Like a Child

2013-04-21T19:30:00.000-04:00

As I write this, I am sitting outside on the porch under the dappled sunlight filtering through the branches above. I hear the gleeful laughter and shouts of my children as they take turns bouncing each other and leaping from side to side of their trampoline.

They find unspeakable joy in the act of bouncing up and down. They enjoy the moment their stomach flip flops as in that moment they are air born. It strikes me suddenly and with stark clarity that I can learn from my children...

Life being the insane, wild, ever changing ride that it is, our family has been through quite a few loops over the past couple of months. Through them, I have been "soldiering through", doing every thing in MY power to get through the day,the week and sometimes the hour...

After a month or so of this, I got to the point where I couldn't make it any further. The mental and physical strain of sickness and lack of sleep made it hard for me to even make it out of bed. In that terrible moment, I heard God speaking to me. "Give me your problems Rach. You don't have to do this on your own. In fact you CANNOT do this, but I can."

In this supremely humbling moment, I realized something truly embarrassing and horrifying... Not ONCE had I gone to my Father for the help I so desperately needed. For the past year, I had gone on living a comfortable existence, not depending on anyone or needing anything. When small obstacles got in the way, I worked through them without even thinking about it. That is, until I hit this brick wall...

After that day, my eyes have been opened. I see God's hand everywhere and I am truly depending on him everyday. He speaks to me in so many ways, especially through the music I hear throughout the day. Matt Maher will be on the radio singing,

"And when I cannot stand, I'll fall on you, Jesus you're my hope and stay.

Lord I NEED You, oh I need You. Every hour I need You."

Or as in the case of today, we sang "Give Me Faith" I wanted to cry as I heard the words.

" I need You to soften my heart, to break me apart. I need You to open my eyes, to see that You are shaping my life."

Do you remember wayyyyyyy back at the beginning of this post? I said I am learning from my children. They fully trust that every time they soar high into the air, their feet will always find a safe place to land. They trust with no thought, they are confident in EVERY way. As they soar in the air without aim, so do I soar through life head on with no breaks. How is it that I find my full faith lacking. My loving Father will always find a safe place for me to land. I have been floating along for so long. I am here now, admitting that without Him I have NOTHING.

Since this earth shattering realization, life on the outside has not changed very much. The trials and tribulations that we ALL face are still there, but I am here to say that My God has supplied the strength and joy that I am lacking and THAT, my friends, is something to be joyful about!

Confessions from a Mommy of Three....

2012-08-30T20:48:00.000-04:00

My mind, even on a good day is sometimes a dangerous place to be. As I dove into a monstrously large pile of clean laundry that needed to be folded like 2 weeks ago, I found my mind wandering. ( Anyone that knows me at all knows this is tied up with bathroom cleaning as my least favorite chore) Keeping my mind busy while I fold endless shirts, shorts and undies is a defense mechanism against thinking about this most distasteful chore...

I found and posted one of my favorite verses this evening on Facebook. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6" This verse started tumbling through my head while I was matching and rolling socks (ewwwww) and it hit me how hypocritical I have been this summer. I learned that verse long ago, and at times I have thought about its meaning. But I haven't been trusting, acknowledging or looking for direction, NOPE I have been wallowing in the enormity of the situation I have been in and trying to handle the whole thing on my own. And how might you ask have I been handling this on my own??? Not well at all... shocker, I know!

The realization of all of this tonight has given me the perspective I have been lacking since June. The endless days of kids, work, kids, housecleaning, kids, small doses of sleep and then back to kids, work, kids ... well you get the picture.... has left me frazzled, mean, distant, distraught and at the end of my rope.

I am ending my ramblings for the evening. The kiddos are fresh out of the bath, in pj's and tucked into bed for the night. The laundry is folded... still on the table but folded!! The kitchen is semi-clean and I am dragging myself to bed for the evening. The cycle doesn't end, but my attitude sure can. My path right now is kids, work, kids, housecleaning and kids... I choose to trust in Him and follow this path as far as He takes me. My blessings come from those kiddos and the journey Brian and I are on in this thing called life.

Where the Wild Things Are......

2012-06-26T07:36:00.000-04:00

We started off the week with a trip to the zoo! The kids woke up singing about the trip and did not stop until we finally pulled into the parking lot. They spoke excitedly of what animals are their favorites and which exhibit they wanted to see first. Here are some snapshots of the fun we had that day!!!

Consulting their maps

Don't feed the humans!

Giraffes!! Trav's favorite animal.. at least this week....

Snack time!

Catching a ride on Mr. Rhino

Train ride around the zoo!

Mommy and Sir Peyt-peyt

All About Daddy

2012-06-19T06:03:00.000-04:00

This Father's Day has been a first. On Friday, we got a call that Skip was not feeling like himself. He couldn't feel anything on one side of his body. Brian and I immediately thought the word STROKE. Later that afternoon, Brian rushed into the house and confirmed the worst. Skip wasn't right and we NEEDED to get him to the hospital.

Hours later, our fears were confirmed. He had a stroke. Our lives have changed in a moment. Brenda's husband, Brian's father, our kid's Grandpa. Skip carries many roles in his life, and for awhile on Friday I was trying to think of what it would be like in a world where Skip wasn't there and those roles were vacant.

Thank God, he has survived and he even has great promise of fully recovering through hard work and will power, both of which my father-in-law has in spades. This weekend went by in a blur. Trips back and forth from the hospital, picking up and dropping off kids. Before we knew it, Sunday was here. Father's Day.

The kids and I had grand plans of staying at home and resting. After running everywhere for two days straight, home was what was needed. Brian of course had to be at the hospital. He needed to be there for his dad and for his mom. We carved out some hours Sunday morning for our family. Time to celebrate the Father in our family unit.

Brian requested pancakes, so early that morning I packed up the boys and headed to the store ( a quiet house is another way of saying thank you! ) After getting home I made, and we feasted on pancakes, biscuits and fruit. Even O.P. got in on the pancake action.

Afterwards the kids geared up in their new soccer cleats and shinguards and played outside with Daddy before he had to go. We took the time to enjoy each other. We took the time to make some memories. If anything, this past weekend has taught us to appreciate these things just a little bit more.

Maddy's Big Day

2012-06-18T18:39:00.001-04:00

Maddy graduated from Kindergarten at the beginning of June. We have been so busy that I find that its the middle of June and I haven't had the chance to post the special occasion...

June 1, was dedicated to all things Madison. I took of work to make sure that I could spend the whole day with my little girl who is growing up much too fast. I picked her up from her last day of school and we headed to lunch, her choice... Olive Garden of course! After enjoying soup, salad and bread sticks to her hearts desire, we headed to the nail salon to get manicures and pedicures in preparation for the big night. After our nails were done, we headed home to get dressed for graduation.

Maddy remembered ALL of her lines for the evening's program and walked across the stage to get her "diploma" that had to be returned at the end of the night.... At the end of the evening they announced the children that won the Christian Character Award this year. They chose one little boy and one little girl from each class. My heart could not be any happier when I heard my Maddy girl's name announced as the recipient.

It was a night to remember. I cannot help but fast forward in my head to 12 years from now when Maddy walks across that stage once again. My firstborn makes me so proud. I love you Maddy Lynn <3

My Little Men

2012-04-13T23:03:00.001-04:00

I grew up in a family of girls. My poor father survived in our house by learning when to comfort girls who were crying for no reason and running to the store for chocolate when necessary. As a girl in this house of women and one lone man, I had NO CLUE what living with boys was truly like. That was of course until 7 years ago when I married Brian. I then learned what it was like to have to put the toilet seat down and throw smelly socks in the washer. It came as an utter shock that Brian did not innately know to run to the store when I was blue or to give me a hug when the tears threatened to spill. Learning to live with a BOY was like learning to navigate through a unknown wilderness.

And then... four years later I received another shock to the system. I gave birth to a BOY. With Maddy, I had kind of known what was ahead, but I was a mess when it came to getting to know my firstborn son. Lets just say I could write a book about everything I learned about changing a baby boy's diaper....

That was just the beginning however.... Travis brought me into a whole new world. The boo boos, the dirt, the noises... they were all so foreign to me. As he grew older and Peyton joined the family, the cars, trucks, and dinosaurs took over my house. I realized that my life has forever changed. I once had a toy box full of barbie dolls, Disney princess paraphernalia and dress up clothes. Now after two boys were added to the mix, it is more like every Lightning McQueen in the world is jumbled in with barbie heads and matchbox cars. I am LUCKY if in the span of one day I don't trip over a race car track or slip on a lightning.

But I discovered something I never would have expected. There is NOTHING in this world like the love of a little boy. They might smell, they might make more car noises than they actually talk on the majority of days, but when their semi grubby hands reach up to hold your hand, or they sleepily grab you around the neck in a hug before bed, my heart melts into a great glob of mommy love for my little guys.

This week is a celebration of all things BOY. My Travis and Peyton are 2 years and 3 days apart. We not only spend this week knee deep in Lightning McQueen Birthday cake, but finding room for their ever expanding collection of cars, tractors, trains, tracks and trailers. If it has wheels, my boys have it.... After this week, Maddy and I will have to escape the world of boys and men and spend some time doing something SUPER girly.... but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Between the innocence of babyhood and the dignity of manhood, we find a delightful creature of a boy.
-- Author Unknown

Sunday Morning Breakfast

2012-03-11T10:42:00.000-04:00

Usually Sunday mornings are a crazy mad dash to get ready for church and run out the door. There are baths for dirty kiddos, the search for matching socks and the inevitable battle of the wills with Maddy over the outfit she wants to wear and what I want her to wear. We try to leave the house by 9 am and heaven help us... we reallllly try to hit that self made deadline. What always gets left off the to do list is breakfast. This makes the kids happy because then they get to choose whether they get McDonald's or Hardee's biscuits for breakfast. And THIS is our weekly Sunday routine....

This past week has been rough. Peyt was sick last week and on Friday Maddy and Travis also were sick. We decided to keep the kiddos home this week so as not to spread our lovely cooties any further than the Rustay house.

As Brian and I laid in bed this morning listening to the pitter patter of little feet and more often than not the squeals and screams of our offspring... I decided to do something out of the normal for a Sunday.... MAKE breakfast. What might you ask is the breakfast of choice in the Rustay family??? Pancakes of course! I am sad we missed church this morning, but I am so grateful for the time spent with my precious little family. These days of childhood are moving so quickly and maybe just maybe, we made a memory this morning that will last long into a future of hectic Sunday mornings...

Catching my breath...

2012-03-03T08:07:00.000-05:00

The men of my life <3

Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
— Unknown

I was going through all the pictures on my phone last night and noticed something that hasn't crossed my mind in the last few months. Not only do i have almost 1300 pics on my iPhone.... but I haven't put any of these up on my blog in ages. I checked this morning and confirmed to myself that I haven't posted since this past December.

Sibling love

Its a perfect example of Life just happening. The title of my blog pretty much sums up what and why I share. The few dear souls that look at this blog are checking in on this family and OUR life. Our life for the past couple months has just been on over drive. I accepted a new full time job in January and it feels like I have barely come up for breath since then! We have been learning how to navigate the changes in our family and make readjustments as we go along.

Life changes and you change with it. The following pics pretty much cover where things have been and what has been happening for the past three months. I will try to be better about postings!

Baby Elena Elizabeth Roth born January 19th and weighing in at 6lbs 14 oz.


Dennis the Menace


My Travey boy

Last but not least, our O.P. Dopey <3

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

2011-12-27T10:11:00.000-05:00

A letter to my sweet babies;

Christmas is over, the presents are unwrapped. The tree is empty and the lights are off. I am writing you this letter as you are contentedly playing with all of your new toys. I hear cars rolling across the floor and happy voices calling back and forth. I have been going through all the pictures I took a couple of days ago and picking some to share.

Things have changed so much for Mommy over the years. It seems like forever ago, but I was once a little girl excited for Christmas morning.. waiting to dive into the presents under the tree and rip into the paper hiding my presents. But now it is you, Maddy, Travis and Peyton that I look forward to seeing on Christmas morning. I wait with impatience to see your faces light up when you come around the corner and see the tree FULL of goodies.

This year was no different! I actually had a hard time falling asleep on Christmas Eve in anticipation for the morning. I heard the first peeps from you, Peyton and hopped out of bed faster than any other day of the year! The looks on your faces did not disappoint and I was given the gift of watching the Christmas magic unfold in front of me that morning.

Here are just a couple of the moments I captured. I cherish them and look forward to the years ahead with you, my sweet children.

Love you more than you can ever know,

Mommy


Daddy reading you The Christmas Story Poem before bed, Peyt watching the Grinch, Grandpa, Daddy and various children and Cookies for Santa and celery for the Reindeer.... Christmas Eve at our house!


Reading about the birth of baby Jesus before presents, and then stocking time!!!!

Eight Days til Christmas!

2011-12-17T09:55:00.000-05:00

This past November, I was wandering around Target with the boys and found a cute little foam Christmas Tree countdown. I picked it up compulsively, thinking it would be something fun the kids could do to keep track of the days until Christmas.

I actually forgot about it and it stayed in the Target bag in the back of the truck until the last day of November. When I remembered it, I brought it inside and the kids were instantaneously all over me asking questions. I pulled it out, assembled it and explained what it was and what we were going to do.

Bright and early the next morning, Maddy bounced out of bed and immediately asked who go to do the first day. And so began our new tradition. The child who doesn't get to change the date, gets to plug in all the Christmas lights... a system that will only work until Peyt wants in on the action....

We are 17 days in, and both of my older children can tell you what day it is and how many days until the big day... It was definitely a good $5 spent!

Deck the Halls

2011-12-01T21:50:00.001-05:00

It's December already! With a chill finally back in the air, Brian and I decided that it is finally time to start decorating for Christmas. Brian pulled the boxes down from the attic last night and we promised the kids that today, we would pick out the perfect tree. We are going to do ornaments tomorrow, but things are already christmasy around here!! The smell of Christmas tree is wafting in the air, and I am typing this post by the soft Christmas lights wrapped around the tree.

tree lot fun!

Miss Maddy at the tree lot

Watching excitedly as Daddy brings in the tree!

Clean Plate Club

2011-11-29T18:49:00.001-05:00

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you will already know this, but my youngest, Peyton is my picky eater. Always has been.. Probably always will be. The battle over getting food in his belly has been making a change for the better, however, and the end result is shown by a nursery worker calling him "a solid little guy" in nursery this past Sunday.. This in my world is an actual relief seeing as when he was an infant, I lost sleep over his lack of weight gain.

As usual I digress... Peyt's eating has improved to the point where he now wants to be a big boy and feed himself. He actually gets mad if I try to help him. Tonight was no different.. I sat right beside him at the table and had to let go and let him do his thing... His thing is pretty much to spread rice from here to the other side of the house.. but whatever! He spent a good 45 minutes working on getting rice from his little orange fork to his waiting mouth. A feat that he accomplished... even though he was still hard at work as his bubby and sissy cleared their seconds.

His method was varied as he began by scooping from the plate, but moved finally to dropping the rice from his plate to the table and then picking up individual pieces of rice. Either way, he cleared his plate and squealed loudly ( his favorite form of getting what he wants ) to get down from the table. We had more to clean up after he was done than what he probably actually ate, but he felt successful and he is a proud member of the clean plate club... Another sign that my lil man is growing up....

My Story

2011-11-27T15:50:00.001-05:00

** Please excuse the random thoughts that you are about to read. I have this funny thing that happens to me when my brain tries to wrap itself around certain thoughts, notions and life truths. They roll around in my brain, crashing like waves over and over until I finally give in and take pen to paper, or in most cases, finger to keyboard... At that point it is a form of self preservation. I write these things down to get them out and stop the pounding of these mental waves that keep crashing. It is a supreme relief when it is out, and afterwards when it is in written form, sometimes it is even worth reading or even sharing. If this makes me crazy... well... yeah..**

Life is made up of a collection of everyone's personal stories. If you really think about it, life is the ultimate story. You have a beginning, a middle and of course, the end. This pattern for us humans doesn't every really change much.

The AMAZING part of this thing called life, is that for the most part, we get to write our own story! We of course cannot choose our parents, our backgrounds or where we grow up... but after the beginning of every story comes this beautiful part called the Middle. It really IS beautiful by the way... God gave us these bodies... with brains in them that give us a chance to make choices for ourselves. If we don't like where our lives started, we can make up our minds to completely change the course of our story. We make our Middle whatever we want it to be... Amazing.. right??

The middle.. the place in every story where the action, the drama, the horror, the heart break.. well everything really... HAPPENS. Like in writing any story, you, the author of this particular story get to pick the backdrop, your cast of characters and the general flow of events. Unlike a work of fiction, you cannot control every event that happens as the story unfolds. That lack of control is what makes things a bit scary or at the very least, unnerving. But that's just life..

Now in your story, with the characters picked and your backdrop ready, the Middle really starts moving faster. You are shuttling down a path, an unknown path that you will only discover as you go along. You have your choices.. right or left.. or even straight. You make your choices and follow where the road takes you. Unlike the author of a book, you have NO clue where you will end up.. Maybe it will be a happy place full of sunshine, love and flowers. Maybe the path you choose sets your life on a story path that is much darker.. filled with regret, heartache and gloom. But most likely it will be a mix of these two extremes. Times of unspeakable joy, days or months of complete normalcy and then those times of unhappiness that just cannot be avoided.

IF I still have you reading, I want to apologize for my ramblings. I told you at the beginning I had to get it out.. I am almost done.. I PROMISE!!

What this all boils down to is just a couple of things. You choose how to write the story of your own life. You choose the characters you place in your story. You choose how to act, and those actions can either bring sweet moments of love and joy, or in some cases, those actions bring regret, loneliness and discord. The beauty of this is that God gave us the ability to choose for ourselves!

Our WORDS, our ACTIONS build our character. That character is what people will forever remember about us. What they remember about our character can change other people's lives for better or in some cases for worse. This story we call life is irrevocably powerful one way or another.

Words are strong things. They can change an opinion, the can build a person up and just as easily tear a person to peices. The words you use ALWAYS outlive you and the situation you use them in. The wish and hope for my life is that my story is filled with love. My actions should show love, and my words should be spoken in love. Not just any love, however. The love of my Savior. My Savior who loved and forgave all.. Those who cursed Him. Those who abandoned Him. He forgave me for my wrong choices, he loves me.. sinner that I am. THAT love is the love I want coming from me. That love will never falter, never break and always stay true.

If my story ends there, then my life, MY STORY will be one that is worth remembering.

Traditions and Memories

2011-11-23T07:34:00.001-05:00

Last night I saw a perfect opportunity to make a sweet memory with my TOO quickly growing daughter. Yesterday was her last day of school before break and she has been begging me to stay up late just to see how it feels... So after the boys were tucked into bed, I snuck into her room and ushered her to the kitchen. Every year for the past three years, Maddy and I have made the pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving. It's a sweet tradition that I hope my daughter will always want to keep.

This year, we decided to make little mini pies using the mini muffin pan as well as the regular muffin pans. Maddy was super excited about even the smallest process going into the baking project. Spreading the flour on the countertop, cutting small disks of pie dough, and shaking the evaporated milk for the pie mixture all took on a fantastic glow for my sweet girl.

It brought back so many memories from growing up. My momma always made sure we were in the kitchen if we wanted to be there. She took on the extra time and work to make sure we were involved in the process. I can remember the warm feeling of pride as I surveyed a batch of cookies or a cooling cake. Those feelings are exactly what I hope Maddy will remember one day.

Maddy got to relive some of my greatest baking disappointments. She tasted both the flour and pumpkin mixture eagerly as she was curious about the taste of what looked like very yummy things. Her face wrinkled quickly as she realized that flour is NOTHING like sugar.. and even though pumpkin might smell good, it definitely needs some sugar before tasting...**

After the pies were in the oven we filled the time by reading some of her favorite books, The time sped by so quickly and it was soon time to pull out her little masterpieces. She of course had to test taste them to make sure they were tasty enough for everyone else to enjoy on Thursday. She had to try two different pies to get a thorough opinion on the matter. She decided that the pies from the mini muffin pans were better due to the pie to pie filling ratio achieved.... her exact words were something like, "the bigger ones have too much pumpkin mommy... I like the teeny ones" What a sweet moment to savor. Long after the pies are gone, the memories will remain. God willing, I have many more years of pumpkin pies and sweet Maddy time..

It's that time of year again already!!??

2011-11-22T13:48:00.001-05:00

With just a few days until Thanksgiving, and my mind full of kids, family, friends and holiday plans, I cannot believe that it is already been a year! Maddy attended her first PCS Pow wow last year, and has been eagerly looking forward to this one since November began... My Mom and Grandma helped me pick out the perfect Indian Princess "outfit" for Maddy at the thrift store, and Maddy impatiently waited for me to finish fringing and beading her shirt.

Waiting in line to sit down for the program, and then enjoying her "Thanksgiving Lunch"

She confided in me yesterday evening that she was one of the Indians that says "shh" in her class song. I was able to witness the skit this morning and she did a FANTASTIC job "shh ing"

Maddy and her friend :)

2011-11-15T20:21:00.001-05:00

Dear Maddy,

Today was your sixth birthday!! You have been looking forward to this day for... well since the day you turned 5! The day finally came and sweetie, you had it planned to the max!

Today was a school day so the night before you poured over all the dresses in your closet to find the PERFECT dress to wear today, then you picked out your hair accesories and insisted that I straightened your hair. After I finished you made sure I had gotten every strand and sighed with happiness as you went off to bed.

This morning you popped out of bed early ( something that almost NEVER happens on a school morning..) You got dressed and bounced around excitedly waiting for Grandpa to take you to school. You also doubled checked the Scooby doo cupcakes to make sure they were ready to go for lunchtime.

I headed to school this afternoon to bring your cupcakes and then take you to the nail salon for your manicure. You picked a bright BRIGHT purple and honestly I wasn't surprised... you have a new favorite color everyday and I love that about you.

You decided we should have Olive Garden for dinner... a decision I definitely agreed with! When we got home, you enjoyed another cupcake while you finished your reading homework (it is a school night you know)

Sweet girl, I just want you to know how much I love you and am grateful for the oppurtunity to be your mommy. You are a gift that I treasure so much.. even though you sometimes stretch my patience.. :) I have had a blessed six years with you and I am sooo excited to see what the next year brings. You are a beautiful, vibrant, outgoing little girl and I know that God has amazing plans for you and your life!! I am so thankful for the chance to be a part of your journey! Happy Birthday Maddy Lynn!!!

Time Change Sunday

2011-11-06T07:49:00.001-05:00

The joy of time change Sunday during fall, is the fact that time falls back and you get an extra hour of sleep... if you don't have kids that is... I remember "fall backs" before kids were in the picture. An extra hour to sleep in was a delicious indulgence that I just never quite appreciated until I had it no more.

My sweet boys share a room. My Travis has started rising every morning before the sun.. and then proceeds to wake Peyt up so he has company. I knew it was coming last night. I even mentioned it to Brian last night before I went to bed... My lil guys were going to be up at an unimagineably early hour this morning... and yep.... 4:30 am came wayyyyyy to early.

There was no going back to sleep... so I took some good advice and decided to embrace the early morning and get some housecleaning done. After feeding the boys breakfast and getting them settled in with cartoons, I proceeded to do laundry, dishes and even some sweeping... I had my morning coffee... and some Mariah Carey Christmas, and I actually surprised myself by NOT being miserable at 5:30 in the morning!

One day all of my babies will be teenagers and I won't have the sleeping problem. Well... I probably will have a sleeping problem... getting them to actually get up and going.. So I am going to finish my cup of coffee, fold some more laundry and listen to Mariah croon about Christmas... this to shall pass!!

The coffee maker clock had not been changed yet.... and YES I know my laundry is out of control!

Our Liberty Weekend

2011-10-23T19:40:00.000-04:00

A few months ago, my sister, Holly asked me what I thought about taking a weekend and going to Lynchburg for Liberty's homecoming. I said... OF COURSE!!! Its sad, but I jump at a chance for kid-free adult time.. and we were going with Miriam and Trina as well.... All of this added up to a fun weekend that we were all really looking forward to.

We set out last Friday afternoon after everyone got off of work. We didn't do anything that evening, but were excited about getting up early to meet our Vicki for breakfast! We all have had Vicki as our second mother while we lived in Lynchburg. She has been a blessing in all of our lives.. and we LOVE spending time with her whenever we get the chance! After prying ourselves away from Vicki, we went shopping for awhile. I revisited my manager at Payless and even went through good ole River Ridge Mall to see my friend/coworker, Melissa!

Our plan for the afternoon was to rest for a bit and then head to the football game, but after realizing we would have to pay $20.00 each for tickets... we decided to get some exercise and walk the campus instead.. ( Yes we are cheap.. but we used to get into all of those games for FREE... so it hurts to spend THAT much money... LOL ) Here are some pictures of our wanderings around campus!

The Jones sisters in front of the fountain in the courtyard


Our adopted sister, Trina!!

Demoss 4th floor... a thing of legend when I roamed the halls, and us girls taking our picture with Jerry in his museum.

Us in front of the dorm we called home.. the girls were on 25-2 and I lived in 25-1 for 2 years... the ROCK!! the boys in my brother dorm painted it for my 18th birthday.. and the top picture is from the run Trina and I took EARLY Saturday morning.

After resting for awhile, we headed out for dinner to our FAVORITE restaurant in Lynchburg, Osaka's. My friend Zaneta introduced it to me while we were there, and when Holly and Trina came to college, I made sure to let them know about how AMAZING the food was...


Chicken and rice, NO vegetables with plenty of yum yum sauce...

After dinner, we headed straight for Scaremare, we knew the lines would be long, so we wanted to get there as early as possible... we DO have a sister in her THIRD trimester :) We had to get her back to bed before 1am!


There were creepy guys on stilts dressed up as slaughtered pigs and bunnies... I had to get a picture of it!

Trina and I got up with the sun to go for a run around campus Sunday morning.. It brought back so many memories and helped us stay on track for our 10K coming up next weekend. We were then planning to go to campus church, but we found out that they have changed it to Sunday nights... Bummed we headed to Starbucks to chase our blues away... lol.. The last thing we did while in Lynchburg, was meet with my good friend and old roomate, Krystal at Macado's for lunch. It was sooo great to catch up and remember all the fun times we had soooo long ago...

The weekend we spent at Liberty was so needed for all of us. We got a chance to step out of our current lives and remember how life was at college. We all came to the consensus that although we look back fondly to our days at Liberty, we wouldn't trade it for our current, busy but wonderful lives.

Those three little words

2011-10-09T20:57:00.000-04:00

Brian and I have been married for almost 7 years. We have been dating since 2003. That is a long time to get to know one another.. but sometimes I feel like I have only just scratched the surface of truly knowing this man. His thoughts, his dreams, his goals in life, those are things that change and evolve and that I want to know and share with him. That was the whole point of marriage right?

Brian doesn't always make sense to me.. and I know for sure that I almost NEVER make sense to him. But he does know how to show me that he loves me. Random texts during the day, running through the store on his way home from work, and watching the kids for me when I just need a break. These little things show me every day just how much he really loves me.

Tonight he decided to make us cupcakes for dessert. Is there anything cuter, or sweeter than a man in the kitchen, cooking for you?? I think not! Here are some shots of my sweet hubby making a sweet treat for us to share!

Enjoying a "First"

2011-09-28T16:59:00.000-04:00

Maddy holds the firstborn status in our household. With this status, she has certain rights that all firstborns hold. She has the right to be bossy to her younger siblings, she has the right to try almost everything first.. and she has the right to ALWAYS know more than Travis and Peyton. ( At least in her opinion...)

Tuesday evening marked another first that Maddy gets to enjoy before her brothers. It is something that not ALL people would actually enjoy, but I am raising little kids that LOVE to read. I have been called a nerd before ( usually by my husband ) due to the fact that I would rather curl up with a good book than do most anything else. I have shared and fostered the love of books in my kids, and I am proud to say that they "seem" to be following in their nerdy Momma's footsteps, and they LOVE to lay on the couch and crack open a book. As usual, I digress... Tuesday evening, Maddy and I left Daddy at home with the boys and snuck off to the magical world of reading otherwise known as the Library. We had some serious business at hand... Maddy's FIRST book report!!

The assignment was to read any Arthur book, and color a picture of all the characters in the book. Then she was to circle the most important character in the book and tell why she thought that they were the most important. Maddy could hardly contain her excitement as we passed through the library doors. We moved swiftly to the kids section where we looked up the author of the Arthur books, and found the right section. She excitedly combed through the choice of Arthur books and honed in on one entitled, Arthur's New Puppy. "Mommy!!! we have a new puppy! We should read this one!," she said in a whispery voice. I agreed that it was the perfect book for her and we settled at a little desk to read the story of Arthur and his Puppy, Pal.

With the book read, she got on with the important business of working on her report. We discussed the characters as she drew each one on her paper and then the all important task of deciding WHO was the most important character in the book ensued. She decided on Arthur, since the book was an ARTHUR book. I asked her if it should be the new puppy, but she was determined on Arthur. So she circled him and that was that!

I know you might be wondering why in the world I would wish to chronicle such a boring everyday evening such as this. But in Maddy's eyes, it was ANYTHING but ordinary. The shine in her eyes as she browsed the books, the bounce in her step as she walked out of the library with her chosen book cradled in her arms. These are things I WANT to remember. She might not always be so excited about school and assignments... who knows.. She might be the nerdiest of nerds like her mom, but she might take another path. I can look back at this moment in her life and remember a first... that's enough for me.