It's THE LAUREN SHOW

Sick Days

2010-03-14T07:06:00.004-08:00

being sick and single sux ass. (sorry mommy) I've spent my ENTIRE weekend (except for the 4 hours I was in rehearsal with my kids-THE SHOW MUST GO ON!!) laid up drunk off of nyquil trying to sleep away the sick that snuck up on me like a thief in the night.I probably shouldn't be this astonished to be under the weather. EVERY time the weather changes up, either fall to winter or winter to

For Your Consideration

2010-03-08T03:04:00.005-09:00

Sunday over brunch, Mona, Erika and I were talking abt that age old convo girls ALWAYS have when they're together: relationships. More literally, who's zooming whom. What made this convo so fascinating to me is that each of us is in a different place as far as the dating world goes. I'm healing & waiting for my situation to be finalized before immersing myself in the dating pool & embarking on

Fact or Fiction Friday Pt 2

2010-03-04T17:40:00.004-09:00

He’d accepted her challenge and moved closer to her. Would there be witty banter? Would they have nothing in common? Would they spend the night sweating in each other’s arms? That brief pause held so much promise and so many questions. The bartender came from the other end of the bar to “take the gentleman’s order.” Before he could speak, she said flatly, “He’ll

I'm in Love w/a Skripper pt 1.

2010-03-04T07:33:00.005-09:00

I was reading Brooklyn's blog earlier this week about things he'd learned from working in the strip club and GASPED. It's awesome to have people in your circle who you share similar life experiences with. It sucks when they're writers too and they beat you to the punch to write about things you wanted to write about first. CURSES!! I've gotta do better about my turn around from the bberry to

Crushing....

2010-03-04T07:20:00.004-09:00

I keep turning to my side looking across the pillow and smiling.... remembering his profile.I committed his profile to memory...Traced it with my finger as soon as i heard the low breathing of his snore.From as far away as he is, the curve of his lip entices me. I remember his scent...I take pause in my day as the ghost of his touch causes the hair to raise on my arms....Unknowingly, he pulls

Share and Share Alike

2010-03-01T20:53:00.006-09:00

It's no secret that a good deal of my homies are bloggers who delight, inspire, and motivate me to wanna write more than I wanna lipsync for my life daily. Yesterday, the homie Brandon St. Randy wrote a post that earned him SCATHING comments from the feminist peanut gallery. It's hard to pitch polygamy, even if arguing its pros and cons without meeting opposition.I often wonder if polygamy would

Oh Sh*t... I Can't Do This....

2010-02-28T20:49:00.001-09:00

You like him.You like her.You like the same kinds of movies.You like the same kinds of food.You share political and religious views.He's smart.She's funny.He's well groomed.She's beautiful.He's chivalrous.She's a lady.He smells good.She finds you irresistible.He is intelligent.The sex is amazing.You're starting to think this could be your one. You're comfortable and loving every minute of it and

Fiction Friday: The Backless Story Pt 1

2010-02-25T20:57:00.003-09:00

So, I'm in the process of writing some erotic fiction for a graphic novel-type of idea... I'll only give you a little a time though...Enjoy...It was raining. Heavily and unexpectedly. Foolishly, she’d tried to cover her head with the newspaper she’d swiped from her uneventful job interview that afternoon. She hadn’t really wanted the job. She really only interviewed to

I've Got Many Layers...Like an Ogre

2010-02-24T03:06:00.006-09:00

In this journey through life I am enjoying every moment of, I am beginning to realize that I am a bit of a complex individual. Not in terms of my wants, and needs. In those respects, I'm fairly basic. In terms of how people perceive me, in terms of my likes, my passions, my interests, I'm a little bit complicated.I think this is 'cause I have the misfortune of being multidimensional; it's hard

SE-MOS

2010-02-24T03:03:00.002-09:00

Among all my other vices, (drinking copious amounts of wine and brown liquor, cursing like a fishmonger's wife, spending a king's ransom on meals or ingredients that fascinate me, tolerating the antics of too old MANCHILDREN, and providing biting social commentary at the expense of the ignorant or unenlightened) my most severe malady is being a Serial Monogamist.Mother Has Lived is not just some

Hi My Name is Lauren, and I'm an Adventurer

2010-02-22T02:28:00.001-09:00

If you don't follow me on Twitter, then you probably missed the revelation I had last Saturday.As I sat at the airport waiting for my thrice delayed flight to allow us to board, I came up with a grand idea. After close examination of the language people use when referring to the object(s) of their affection, I realized that it's not the act of being monogamous and/or in love with someone that

Ain't No Fun If the Homies Can't Have None

2010-02-19T07:44:00.005-09:00

I told myself I wasn't really gonna write this week, but when I get a Dear Lauren letter, even if it comes in the form of a text or instant message, I feel bad if I don't help. What if I am the poor soul's last bastion in the war against Bad Romance.... Sigh...I like to help people. What can I say? I'm kinda like Jesus that way, 'cept I use this blog as a platform to spread the love of my help

He felt so damn good...

2010-02-17T07:39:00.004-09:00

It was a tiny car. A rental while mine was in the shop after yet another fender bender. We were out of town visiting family for the holidays. He'd come to see mine & then we'd be off to see his. All the family houses were overcrowded.Too many people.Too little privacy.We hadn't seen each other in...a week? It had to be longer than a week. But even a week was too long for the two of us to have

Open Wide...Guest Blogpost....

2010-02-16T06:03:00.008-09:00

I'm on vacay, but I couldn't leave y'all with nothing to read. Thank God for the guest blogger.DISCLAIMER: Mommy, you don't want to read this post. It'll be better if you don't. I'm just saying...if you're still reading, you've been warned. Okay? Love you, thanks for life & all that...Ok. Now that I got that outta the way with no further ado, here is the guest post by my dear friend (and raucous

No thank you, Easter Bunny!

2010-02-12T07:46:00.005-09:00

Happy Valentine's DayEvery day the 14th!I don't think y'all heard me!I just wanna say Happy Valentine's Day!Every day the 14th!Can y'all dig that?Now when arrows don't penetrate, seeCupid grabs the pistol (Uh, yeah, now, now lookie here!)And he shoots straight for your heartAnd when he won't miss you!That's alright 'cause y'all won't believe in me anywaysbut....-Andre 3000I love Love. I love all

In Vino Veritas

2010-02-11T07:19:00.002-09:00

I got ANOTHER one of those calls from a former beau expressing his sorrow at the demise of my marriage. Not to sound unappreciative or anything, but it really feels like sharks swarming in when they smell blood in the water. Dude was drunk, of course, and he expressed his condolences (really? I'm not a widow, though it may have made my life easier. At least when someone dies, people bring you

All Black E'rything pt 2.

2010-02-10T05:33:00.009-09:00

Yesterday, I happened into one of those nonscheduled discussions with my students that evolves into a truly educational moment. We were reading a play in which a young girl was abandoned by her boyfriend while she was pregnant only to have him return a year or so later and want to make amends. This reading spawned a discussion about options for the pregnant and more importantly about parenthood

Say Word pt. 2 A Quickie

2010-02-09T05:24:00.007-09:00

So, I just had an interesting conversation with a white colleague, Liza, who is heftily endowed in the booty area. Naturally too.If y'all saw Liza's donk, y'all would SWEAR she wasn't of European descent. But she is. Liza is White White, Russian-Jewish + Italian and she truly has one of the nicest lady lumps I've ever seen, and I've seen LOTS of booties. #nohoish.Apparently, this weekend, she

How to Bounce When Sprung

2010-02-08T08:05:00.003-09:00

Dear Lauren,I am involved with a dude who I should probably cut loose. He's dreadfully inconsistent, terribly inconsiderate, completely self centered, and horribly inattentive....outside the bedroom. But honey, when we get our "bedroom boogie on," as you put it....well, let's just say it makes it really, really hard for me to stay away and stay mad at him. He's the most amazing and attentive

WORD??!?!?

2010-02-04T20:26:00.004-09:00

I'm cursed.My lack of desire or interest in a committed relationship makes me much easier for guys to talk to and be open with me. I've always had guys who legitimately were my friends, not my FRIENDS, that keep me around like a big sister consigliere to advise them on all things chick. Sometimes these were not friends that were originally mine. They, much like me, overshare details of their

All black e'rything

2010-02-03T14:49:00.007-09:00

February always makes me feel some sorta way. As I am one of the people who goes through life believing that there is an abundance of love rather than a shortage of it, I long for February to come because it always seems to be the one time of year in which everyone else in the world starts to feel that way too. Until this whole eff Valentine's Day movement started and the embittered and hateful

Say my name, say my name...

2010-02-02T18:48:00.007-09:00

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.-ShakespeareWhile I'm not an advocate for labels, categories is a concept I whole heartedly can dig. Something you probably don't know about me: I am meticulously organized. I pretty much sort anything. If you read my post about friends and crying trannies, you may have noticed all the various categories in which

Higher Education 1

2010-02-02T05:49:00.013-09:00

I believe in segregation.Take it easy. Don't head straight to my comments section just cause I said what I said and it's day 2 of Black History Month. I'm not talking about racial segregation paisan. I'm talking gender segregation...academically, at least for some subjects in school. When I'm not online delighting the masses w/my witty repartee, snarky twitter comments, or working on the next

I feel pretty...oh sooo pretty...

2010-01-31T19:04:00.008-09:00

I promise I will get y'all that smart people's blog post about the differences in how boys & girls learn & the role it plays in our happily ever afters. I had mucho rehearsal this weekend, so I didn't get to finish my research. I don't want to present you with misinformation. so...umm here's some ho sh*t. Enjoy!Some of y'all got it soooo wrong.Y'all are hitting the gym like a psycho trying to

I want it bad, your bad romance advice

2010-01-28T16:12:00.013-09:00

I totally was going to write today about gender's role in education, you know, to show you guys I can write about diverse topics, but this one spoke to me a little bit more so we'll save that one for monday...it's more of a monday topic anyway. I was talking to @manywomen about my forays into the dating world. I've always been boycrazy, so it only makes sense that at my age, I would be, ummm....