Earthling, we love wind-generated electricity. We know, we know. Some Earthlings will complain that despite wind being green, you do not like to see the wind turbines in your view of the countryside.

Do you want wind farms in the fields? Or would you prefer coal particles in your lungs? We laugh at Earthlings bragging about being a digital, Internet society.  Did you know that 50% of the electricity generated in United States is produced by coal?

Yes, there is plenty of coal on your planet, but coal is not the answer to your electricity needs because coal is not good for the environment no matter what your government officials tell

you. Remember, government politicians receive political donations from lobbyists who represent the coal and power generation industry.

Earthling, we believe wind blows. We highly recommend it. It is not going to solve your energy issues in the long run, but until you gain superior intelligence like us, you should use wind power as an energy source.

5 Reasons to go wind

1. Reduce CO2 Emissions. Electricity from coal and natural gas creates carbon dioxide and other harmful greenhouse gases. A wind farm reduces CO2 emissions as it produces electricity.

2. Wind is a renewable resource. The wind blows and blows. Your Earth will never run out of wind. Use wind energy and you reduce the amount of non-renewable natural resources used. You will save one pound of coal for every kilowatt-hour of electricity created by wind.

3. Wind power uses less land. Wind farms can be place on the same land as crops or grazing cattle. Only 5% of the area of a wind farm is used for the equipment.

4. The energy used to make the wind turbines is recovered in a few months, unlike other sources of energy.

5. One block of wind power (about 25% of the average person's use):

• cuts CO2 emissions by 249 pounds a month
• can offset the burning of 12 gallons of gasoline
• can offset driving your car 2,930 miles in 12 months
• cuts CO2 emissions by 2,988 pounds a year

Be green like us... go wind!

Earthlings, we see how you drive. In all our intergalactic travels, we have never seen a species drive their vehicles, travel pods or space ships as rudely, obnoxiously, aggressively and as moronic as you. We assume it is due to aggressive video games that have you drive like Didiots in order to rack up points. Earthlings, when you drive in real life, please do not think you are playing Grand Theft Auto.

Driving fast hurts this beautiful planet. The only thing you rack up is higher carbon dioxide emissions. Plus you are wasting fuel and look like a Didiot. It befuddles us to see an Earthling drive like crazy through traffic only to see them stopped at a red light. Every time you put the metal to the pedal, you are burning up your hard-earned money.

Do not drive like a Didiot. We know it is common sense, but we offer you the following tips to save gas and your planet as you drive:

Tip 1: Combine your trips, Earthling. We are amused when we see you go to the store to buy a few items only to go back to the store a few more times in the same day. It is not rocket science to plan your shopping trip for once or twice per week. Your goal is to drive the shortest number of miles possible. Combine various types of activities in one trip. For example, plan a trip to the hair stylist, dry cleaner and grocery store on the same drive. If you are going on a date, combine this with driving to the health club beforehand. We understand humans'  muscles are pumped up after exercise, so this will help you look more attractive to your date.

Tip 2: No extra junk in your trunk. We are amazed how many Didiots drive around with a trunk full of junk. Golf clubs, newspaper, clothes and books are driven around in trunks as if they are paying passengers. Extra weight means lower mpg.

Tip 3: Slow down, Didiot. This tip is the best to conserve gas, but most likely the hardest one for Earthlings to do.

Earthlings, if you drive a typical car, every 10 miles per hour you drive over 60 is like the price of gasoline going up about 54 cents a gallon. Air pushing against the front of your car as you drive along the highway takes up to 40% of your car's energy, according to Roger Clark, a fuel economy engineer for General Motors.* The faster you drive, the more air builds up in front and the "hole" trailing behind gets bigger, too.  This creates a massive suction which pulls harder on your car the faster you go. This suction increases exponentially, so the wind resistance at 70 to 80 is much steeper than between 50 and 60 mph.

This means that every 10 mph faster lowers your fuel economy by 4 mpg, whether you are driving a Mini Cooper or a Hummer.

Tip 4: Earthlings, if you need to get your aggression out, drive bumper cars. Please do not act like you are in a bumper car in traffic.

Earthlings, we beg you to slow down to save your planet. Next time you see some Didiot driving aggressively and pressuring you to speed up just say to yourself, "I slow down... I save the planet." Do not let that tailgating Didiot cause you to increase your CO2 output and spend more of your hard-earned money on gasoline.

*Slow Down a Little, Save a Lot of Gas, by Peter Valdes-Dapena, April 1, 2008.

When corn is used for fuel instead of food, the price of corn goes up for all Earthlings. If you do not believe us, please look around. Go to your grocery store or watch CNN. While flying around in our saucy saucer, we have seen food riots in Haiti, Yemen, Egypt and several African countries because of higher food prices. This will spread to other countries unless Earthlings change their course.

How can corn be green when it is yellow? We are confused. As we fly around in our saucy saucer we see ethanol plants being built across your planet's plains. You will soon learn that corn ethanol is not green-friendly when you account for the entire cycle of clearing land, growing crops, using petroleum products to fertilize it and harvest it, and then using traditional energy to make ethanol from corn. And

we have not even calculated the cost of transporting or the cost of clearing the land.

Earthling, corn is not the answer to your primitive energy need. Studies by your own human scientists also prove corn is not green, as many Earthlings believe. And we hear your super-duper intelligent investor Warren Buffett says corn ethanol is not the answer. 

We do believe sugar-based ethanol is green friendly. Sugar ethanol was developed in the futbol crazed country of Brazil. Ethanol made from sugar is not perfect. The only thing perfect from Brazil is the way they play futebol. We think they play perfect and beautiful futbol.

What is not accounted for in the sugar ethanol production is the consequences of converting beautiful land such as the Amazon into sugar cane fields. In addition, sugar prices are going, up, up and away.

Earthling, it is illogical to take food off your table and put it into the gas tank of your large, gas-guzzling SUV. Please do not be a Didiot and purchase corn ethanol.

When you pump ethanol into your gas-guzzling tank, you are not being green.

1. You are taking food off the table of a child on the other side of the world. The grain used to create a tank of fuel for an SUV could feed one human for an entire year.
2. You are ruining the beautiful Amazon which stores over 25% of carbon dioxide for the entire planet. The same carbon that heats up your planet's atmosphere when it is released.

Earthlings, we are not trying to make you feel guilty. These are logical facts. "An explosion in demand for farm-grown fuels has raised global crop prices to record highs, which is spurring a dramatic expansion of Brazilian agriculture, which is invading the Amazon at an increasingly alarming rate." according to a TIME magazine article, "The Clean Energy Scam," by Michael Grunwald.

Politicians and corporations are showing off their "green-ness" by promoting ethanol rather than searching for alternative sources of energy and trying to stop global warming.

-Brazil is now the 4th largest producer of carbon emissions, due to deforestation.

-Indonesia is now the 3rd largest producer of carbon, due to the destruction of wilderness to grow palm oil trees for biodiesel.

-Malaysia has destroyed its wilderness so fast in order to grow palm oil that it is running out of uncultivated land.

-The U.S. demand for ethanol has started a world-wide chain reaction: American farmers are selling one fifth of their corn for ethanol, so soybean farmers are now growing corn, so Brazilian soybean farmers are now expanding their farms and using up cattle pastures, so Brazilian cattlemen are pushed into the Amazon.

Earthlings, this is one vicious, didiot-like circle. 20% of all carbon emissions come from deforestation. In 2007, the Brazilian rainforest lost area the size of Rhode Island to deforestation, and even more was lost to fire. The Amazon is in danger of becoming a savanna or a desert. Many Brazilian tribes have lost the land they have called home for centuries. The Kamayura in Brazil had virtually no contact with whites or greens until the 1960s. Their forest is falling down around them.

Earthlings, you must reduce deforestation now! Here's what you can do:

Buy a tree and have it planted in the rainforest at SavetheRainforest.com

Keep up-to-date on the Amazon at WorldWildlifeFederation.org

Earthlings, we have traveled through millions of galaxies. We have seen billions of planets. No, Earthlings, you are not alone. What is truly amazing, is the level of Didiots on this planet when it comes to driving.

Why do you drive alone? When we entered the atmosphere and hovered above Texas towns like Stephenville, even our son Zorkey made an observation that rings so true we could not answer it. Zorkey asked us why so many Earthlings drive alone in their cars, trucks, and SUVs.

Earthlings, Meera and I have always had an answer for any question our son Zorkey asked us. We are embarrassed to admit, that despite having super intelligence which few species in the billions of galaxies can match, we were befuddled, stumped and silenced. Our son Zorkey was shocked when he heard us say, "We do not know, it is illogical."

Why do so many didiot Earthlings drive large vehicles alone? Why do you not share or carpool? We offer you these tips to carpool.

5 Stellar Reasons to Carpool:

1. Save the planet. Carpool to use less gas and reduce your carbon emissions.

2. Buy less gas for your car. This saves you money and saves the Earth's natural resources.

3. Put less wear and tear on your car. This saves you money on repairs and oil changes.

4. Keep your odometer number lower on your vehicle. Lower mileage on your car means a higher resale value should you decide to sell it.

5. Make friends or bond with your fellow students, coworkers or neighbors. Perhaps you will find love in your carpool group. Even if you are a morning grump and like to be alone on your morning drive, perhaps you can find it in your human heart to carpool to help save the planet for future generations.

Find carpool buddies and maybe love. Find a carpool buddy by posting an advertisements on the Internet. You could post your picture and the car you drive and the route you take. You may have classmates or coworkers who live in your neighborhood. You may have neighbors who work in the area of you office. Many communities have organizations who's sole purpose is to find carpool buddies.

If you are dating, forget about all those Internet dating sites with one million personal questions. Carpooling is a great way to find out about your potential date. You can learn their personality much better during traffic congestion than going on 50 dinner dates to a fancy schmancy restaurant.

If they cuss, scream, show the finger at other drivers, this is usually not a good sign about their personality. If they bring out their gun, we suggest you end the relationship immediately and report them to the police authorities.

If they are considerate, pleasant conversationalist, funny, friendly and fun, well then, you have a perfect opportunity to go to his or her dwelling after work and get to know each other.

This is all very logical to us. We do not understand why there is such ego to drive your own vehicle.

7 Tips for Carpooling Peace:
1. Map out the coordinates of your route. Figure out a meeting place for all pickups and dropoffs.
2. Schedule drivers. Write out a plan so all drivers know when it is their turn. You can alternate daily, weekly or monthly. It's up to you.
3. Figure out a plan to share costs and when to pay for gas, toll charges and parking. Write it out so it is clear as day.
4. Set some rules. You must agree on smoking or not, how loud the music is and what kind to play, whether food and beverages are allowed inside the cars.
5. Be on time. Being late will upset carpool peace faster than anything. Do not blare you horn and disturb your carpool buddies neighbors if they are late.
6. Have an emergency plan in case one worker is ill. Put alternate drivers on your schedule for such emergencies. Figure out who is in charge of the schedule and who should be called when there is a problem.
7. Drive safe. No drinking alcohol, cussing, etc. Keep your car in good repair for the safety of all Earthling carpool buddies.

Carpool, Didiots. Be green like us. Save the planet.