“Don’t frown because you never know whos falling in love with your smile.” 

When living and traveling abroad meeting and getting to know new people is major part of the adventure. At first glance for some of us this may seem like an intimidating endeavor. Especially if you can’t speak the same language and the culture happens to be radically different than what you are accustomed to. Learning to speak another language as many of us know also takes is a significant amount of time and energy.

Fortunately communicating with other human beings is not restricted to the verbal domain. Body language is a universal language that crosses geographical and cultural boundaries.

Whenever you want to make new friends in a foreign land, the easiest way to show that you are open and ready to connect is with a warm genuine smile.

Recently a very special woman has come into my life and one of the main reasons that I even wanted to approach her was because of her inviting smile. She can light up the whole room.

A nice gentle smile conveys a person who is centered and relaxed in her own skin. I can’t even count how many times I have started conversations with strangers on public transportation all because of a sincere smile. They have the power to remove your initial feelings of hesitation to meeting complete strangers.

Touching Others With Your Heartfelt Smile

Nothing shows our humaneness more than a heartfelt smile. The heart knows no boundaries and when you are able to convey your hearts feelings through your smile, you will literally touch the people around you.

The smile is a great way of sharing your inner experience, of sharing your life with others.

Learning to focus your attention to the hear and now, thereby making contact with your intrinsic nature, the feeling of being naturally yourself will arise within you and you will find yourself smiling a lot. When you feel happy, relaxed, and in the moment you will feel a deep sense of connectedness with the whole world. You will smile for no reason. A forced smile is superficial and no one appreciates it.

A heartfelt smile can really go a long way, so please do your part to brighten up someones life. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Join the conversation in the comments below, let me know any of your own personal insights.

“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, or a new country.” - Anais Nin

Starting a New Life

Life is always new, it Is us who make it old and monotonous through unconscious living. When you take a look back at 2011 I can bet that your most memorable moments where the ones where you invited the ‘new’ into your life. Moments where you let life surprise you with it’s infinite variety and texture.

How many of these moments did you have last year? If you don’t have at least one moment in your day that makes you feel grateful to be alive, then it’s safe to say, you didn’t have enough of them.

Everyday you have an opportunity to do, see, feel, think, and experience something new. One of our problems is that we crave certainty, yet at the same time we want a sense of adventure in our life. Life’s very nature is uncertainty, so those who embrace it will be the ones who consequently feel most alive.

It takes courage to live a dangerously, to make the leap into the unknown. To let go of the old for sake of the new. Just remember the new is always better than the old, it’s the only real way we grow as individuals.

Learning To Let Go of The Old

Many of us prefer the old and comfortable no matter how uncomfortable it might actually be. Fear essentially is the cause of us holding onto the old. But living a life of fear is not really living, your half way dead.

Your life can change in an instant the moment you learn to let go, accept life as it is, and respond to each moment with your innate natural intelligence.

One of our problems in this day and age is that we have became a society of spectators. We would rather see other people do the things we want to do. We would rather watch someone else play basketball than for us get a few friends together and get a pick up game going. We would rather watch Rick Steve’s travel the world than for us to plan our own adventure. Not me, the fun is in the doing not in the watching.

Our modern day culture has made living relatively very easy for many of us, we have gotten too comfortable. In my opinion we have become mentally and physically too lazy. I feel that we are becoming second class human beings by having everything given to us.

Mindless Entertainment runs our lives. We need to wake up and take control of our lives. Freedom means learning to be completely responsible for ourselves on every level. Unfortunately many people associate freedom with less responsibility.

Being an individual means following your own inner light and vision, which for many of us might feel very uncomfortable because it may mean for you to stand out from the crowd. Being a part of the crowd can feel very comforting and safe, but to be part of the crowd is to not discover your own unique set of gifts and expressing them to the best of your ability.

Becoming Open To Life

In order to understand how to be open and let the ‘new’ into your life, you need to understand what is it that keeps you from it. Your mind (ongoing thought process) is your enemy in that it has created an invisible prison. It takes an enormous amount of understanding to be able to have direct insight into the minds true nature. To see the incredibly subtle mental gymnastics it plays in keeping you within it’s limited mental constructs.

Through memory your mind wants to hold onto what it likes and push away what it doesn’t like. This creates an enormous amount of inner contradictions that causes us much psychological pain.

The problem is most us think we know our minds, I know I did. It’s kind like if everyday I walk down the same street and I see the same stranger walking on the sidewalk, after some time I begin to think I know him. I only know his external appearance. This is how our minds are to most of us. It’s not until we cross over to the other side and introduce ourselves and invite him over for a cup of coffee that we start to get to know him.

Once you move inward, you will be amazed at the world that was hidden from you and obscured simply because you had become identified to an image that distorted your view of reality. Once you understand how your mind creates and becomes identified to it’s images, your awareness will begin to purify itself to then be able to stop the image making process and learn to just simply ‘be’ and enjoy the moment. Being in the moment free of images is bliss.

In The Moment Life Is Always New

Everyday the ‘new’ is knocking at your door, all you need to do is have a silent mind to let it in. You don’t need to wait for the New Year in order to start living a new life. Each moment is an opportunity to realize the beauty and fullness of the eternal present. Just remember the past and future only exist in your mind. When tomorrow arrives it will show up as the ‘now’, so no need to obsess about it.

Life is such a delicate thing, that it order to appreciate it you will need an attention that is totally aware of the present moment. But first you will need to come to your own realization of seeing the truth that there is no existential truth to thought. It is your belief in your ‘thoughts’ that gives life to them and consequently keeps you trapped in time (the past and future). Thought arising from memory, can only see reality through the filter of the past, thus distorting reality. In the present moment there is no space for thought, you can only be aware of it.

Through meditation, which is the art of learning to watch your mind, if done with earnestness you will come to see how insubstantial thought really is. You will begin to sow the seeds of your freedom from your mind. You will start to purify and free your attention from your body, thoughts, emotions, and moods.

I know everyone is on a different path and what I wrote about about may not resonate with others in a meaningful way. So in the section below I will list more general ways to have a year full of new experiences. But just know that when you make it a priority to be more aware and conscious you will consequently spend more of your time living in the ‘now’. Living in the ‘now’ you will have a deep sense of contentment because you will be tasting the ever new freshness of life at it’s very source.

In the now you are happy because you are ‘being’ yourself. You will discover that what you really are is inseparable from the moment, it’s one and the same thing. In other words you are life itself and you realize this fact by transcending your thought process, you then find yourself in a new dimension that is beyond words and logic.

Things To Do This Year For a New You

• Volunteer your time: Helping others from a place of selflessness is one of the most fulfilling and loving acts you can do. Connecting with people in less fortunate positions can be a huge motivator for both personal and social transformation. There are hundreds of ways you can volunteer your time, here is a post to get you started.
• Lucid Dreaming: This is the act of becoming self aware in the dream state, then being able to manipulate your dreams. Lucid dreaming has been one of my greatest tools in self discovery. Lucid dreaming can also be a great source for creativity, because In the dream world the possibilities are endless.
• Journal: Put your thoughts down on paper. By regularly documenting your habitual thought patterns you may come to discover how rigid your way of thinking actually is. You may then have direct insight into the causes of some of your engrained thought patterns. This clarity could lead to the ending of an internal dialogue that is not beneficial to you.
• Choose to be a leader: Everyone is a leader in some way shape or form. Being a leader is all about taking action. What is your life’s work?…Whats your vision? Don’t be afraid of being the voice for a worthwhile cause. As a leader you will need to continually evolve.
• Start a Blog: This blog has proved to be a great tool in improving my understanding of myself and the world. If you have something to share whats stopping you? Starting a blog is easier than ever, if your not a techie person just head on over to wordpress.org and start a free blog.
• Create a vision board: In college I had a board full of pictures of all the places I wanted to visit one day. It served as a constant motivator to keep working hard so that one day I could go there. One of the most fulfilling experiences was having that weird Déjà vu feeling when I was finally there and realizing I turned those visions into reality. When you meditate you can use your vision board to visualize your dreams. The difference between wishing and visualizing, is that in visualizing in your heart you feel it’s possible. Put your heart’s energy and embed it to the images in your mind when you visualize.
• Clear out the physical clutter: A dirty home and work space negatively influences us in many ways. Having a clean and organized work space will help you think clearly and help you with maintaining a positive mood. For all you pack rat’s out there maybe it’s time to have a yard sale and get rid of anything that you no longer need. I now have very little possessions and it’s a very liberating feeling. It’s amazing to know just how little I really need to live a comfortable life.
• Make healthy meal choices: With out our health we have nothing. Recently I started juicing, I can’t believe I waited this long to get started.
• Create an exercise plan: Life is all about movement. If you are not happy with your physical health it’s your responsibility to take action. Sign up for yoga class, go mountain climbing, or put on your dancing shoes for a night of Salsa. Now a day’s we have so many healthy and fun ways to stay active. Make this the year that you step out your comfort zone and try something new.
• Meditate: Quite simply the greatest tool for transformation.
• Start a new business: We are in incredibly challenging economic times, but with the right attitude where others see limitations you see opportunities. Economic downturns can actually be an ideal time for a creative entrepreneur to start a new business. Discover a need then fill it in the best way you can and you will be rewarded for all your hard work.
• Travel: One of the best ways to gain a new perspective on yourself and the world. Check out my post: Discovering yourself through travel.

“Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

Living a Life of Silence

Today I want to give you a little peak into my world, share with you why things around here have been really quiet for the past year.

I have really enjoyed my little  blogging journey, to be honest I never thought I would be doing something like this, but here I am, and the reason I want to continue is that I have learned so much from it.

I am far from being an eloquent or entertaining writer, but I have a feeling that writing is going to be a big part of my life. I would like to get better. I admit my output (quantity of writing) has not been impressive, it’s not that I have nothing to say, it’s just that what I really want to convey feels too overwhelming at times.

I don’t want to contribute useless noise, there’s plenty of that on the net, probably 99 % is not really meaningful.

Be Still and Know

Recently the reason I have slowed down with many of my projects, is that I am totally absorbed in my inner world. The people close to me may not sense it, but a majority of the time I just fall into my inner silence. It’s not that I am escaping the world, just moving deeper into it.

This silence is something that now descends upon me without warning, like a cosmic shower, literally it feels like I am bathing in it. This silence is deafening, I am totally engrossed, and I don’t want to do anything but bask in the blissfulness of just existing.

My inner presence feels so alive that my body feels illusory, not real. I will go to a cafe with the intention to write a blog post or work on my ebooks, but then this silence takes over me. I have nothing to say, I don’t want to say anything, this space is so blissful, so enthralling that I don’t.

For a very long time now, I just keep up appearances with the people around me. I do not want to create unnecessary awkwardness by being silent, as I know most will not understand. So I talk and say whatever maybe interesting.

There’s no reason to explain myself. They may think something is wrong, that I don’t like them, that I am crazy. I would prefer to just enjoy each others silent company, it would be the deepest communication, a communion. I love going to public places and just feeling peoples energy, the vibe in the air.

“Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.”- Margaret Lee Runbeck

I also see that most of the time people just talk to talk, we talk too much, we love to talk, why is this so? Is it just to avoid feeling empty? What else can we do?

Silence for many is incredibly uncomfortable. This divine silence I am trying to describe is not the absence of talking, it is the formless dimension making itself known, the soundless sound of existence.

What I have learned over these last few years, is that any effort in making yourself more conscious (meditating, yoga, tantra, self observation) is never wasted.Every effort becomes a spiritual credit. You eventually get to the point where these credits are enough that they make a noticeable difference, they change the very quality of your consciousness.

You awaken and strengthen your attention (consciousness) to a point where it rises above the identification with the mind you have always known.

An awareness begins to bloom in you that is not so easily swayed and taken away by all your mental noise. You realize as soon as your mind begins to wonder and you have the energy to bring yourself gently back. You ground yourself. This pure attention is a birds eye view of yourself and the world.

Once I realized that I was asleep (living unconsciously), waking myself up became my number one priority. I can say that my daily efforts have really moved me into a deeper new dimension of existence. It’s a lot of work, most wont do it, they are not aware they need do.

“Silence is the true friend that never betrays.” - Confucius

I don’t know how deep this rabbit hole goes, but I will go wherever it takes me because it is so sublime.

I am also not advocating that anyone follow me, with any path you decide to take make sure you verify everything yourself, never accept anything blindly.

I just know that I am in the midst of a deep transformation, and I will let it unfold and mature no matter how much time it takes. Reality tastes so good.

I don’t know how long I will be in this space, but I am extremely delighted to see how life miraculously unfolds.

I may write 100′s of posts this year or maybe only a handful of them. If you read my blog regularly, I am sorry, I just don’t know, and that’s ok. I am deeply at ease with life. Life is so beautiful to me.

The whole world is in the midst of unprecedented changes, something is definitely in the air. I am just trying to make the most of this cosmic play called life.

Don’t worry about me (I would not expect you to), I am not going to renounce the world and retire to the Himalayas. Life is an art of moving between the opposites, and currently I am really enjoying my alone time…soon enough I will emerge energized and inspired. Peace…one love….

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“Not all lucid dreams are useful but they all have a sense of wonder about them. If you must sleep through a third of your life, why should you sleep through your dreams, too?” – Stephen LaBerge

(disclaimer: before taking any new supplements please consult your doctor)

Toto, I’ve a Feeling We’re Not In Kansas Anymore

“Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrow’s questions.” - Edgar Cayce

As many of you know, I am a big fan of lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming truly is one of the most amazing experiences that one can have. They literally have the power to change your perspective on life and yourself. It truly is something that everyone should experience and you wont understand the significance of it unless you experience it for your self.

Lucid dreaming is the experience of becoming self aware in the dream state, and then being able to maneuver and manipulate the dream-scape consciously. The movie “Inception” introduced the masses to lucid dreaming.

If you are new to lucid dreaming check out my introductory post which will teach you some of the main ways of inducing and navigating this fascinating world: How To Lucid Dream Easy

Recently I have begun taking several natural supplements to increase the frequency and vividness of my dreams. At first I was quite skeptical as to whether they would really be effective or not. I am now happy to report that they have indeed worked beyond my wildest dreams .

I have been lucid dreaming for many years now and believed I had experienced what it was to have an extremely vivid dream. With the aid of these supplements the intensity, length, and vividness has been ten fold. My ability to think in the dream has dramatically improved as well. Just the other night I had a dream which lasted nearly two hours and maintained clarity of thought throughout the whole dream. I consciously went directly into the dream and consciously brought myself out of it.

Several of the following supplements I will recommend will:

• Even if you are not successful in inducing a lucid dream they will dramatically enhance your dream recall.
• Increase the intensity and length of your dreams beyond anything you may have ever experienced.
• Help you become more self-aware while dreaming therefore allow you to explore your dream world in a meaningful way.

Please keep in mind that these supplements are meant to be just an aid to lucid dreaming. If you are serious about lucid dreaming you should learn as much as you can about inducing them all on your own.

Powerful Lucid Dreaming Supplements:

1. Galantamine:  It is an alkaloid that is obtained synthetically or from the bulbs and flowers of Galanthus Caucasicus (Caucasian snowdrop, Voronov’s snowdrop) and Lycoris radiata (Red Spider Lily). It  is commonly used for the treatment of mild to moderate Alzheimer’s disease and various other memory impairments.

Galantamine is a cholinesterase inhibitor that increases the levels of active acetylcholine levels in the brain. Decreased levels of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine have been correlated with memory deficits. Galantamine effectively utilizes acetylcholine in the brain to maintain healthy levels critical to memory and normal cognitive functioning.

It was suggested by Duvoisin in 1983 that the mysterious magical herb moly that appears in Homer’s Odyssey is actually snowdrop.

Galantamine has a half life of 48 hours, so you should not take it more than a few times a week as you will develop a tolerance and reduce it’s effectiveness in inducing lucid dreams.

2. Choline: is a water-soluble essential nutrient. It is usually grouped within the B-complex vitamins. Choline must be consumed through the diet in order for the body to remain healthy. It is used in the synthesis of the constructional components in the body’s cell membranes.

How do I use it? Not without Galantamine. Alone, Choline does nothing in terms of dream recall and vividness. All it does is the same thing it does everyday: help make acetylcholine. But when combined with Galantamine, it intensifies the actions of Galantamine.

3. Alpha GPC: Alpha-GPC is a chemical released when a fatty acid found in soy and other plants breaks down. It is used as medicine. Alpha-GPC is also used for improving memory, thinking skills, and learning. I have found that the main benefit has been in increasing the time that I remain self aware while in my dreams.

The Tri-fecta combination: Galantamine used with choline bitartrate and Alpha-GPC can dramatically increase one’s odds of becoming lucid and increase memory consolidation during dreaming. I have had my most vivid and longest dreams using this combination.

How I use them to induce a high level lucid dream: I mainly use 4-8 mg of galantamine and 500 mg of choline as the main trigger supplement and then will alternate on each lucid dream attempt by adding ALPA GPC (300 mg), Yohimbine (0.50 mg), or Mucuna pruriens (100 mg) to the mix. By always trying a different combination it keeps my body guessing and reduces the chances of building tolerance.

My preferred method: I set my alarm 4-5 hours into my normal 7 hour sleep cycle. When my alarm goes off I take the supplements and then get up to use the bathroom. I will then read in bed for 20-30 minutes or read a script several times on the type of dream that I want to have.  Then I will do a progressive relaxation excerice and attempt to do the “WILD”  technique. Wild stands for  Wake Induced Lucid Dreams. These techniques are unique in that they involve entering the dream state directly from waking consciousness while still maintaining consciousness and stepping directly into the dream world.

Where to get the supplements: I am currently living in South Korea, so I have been ordering my supplements through iherb.com. The prices are some of the best I have seen and their international service has been awesome. I have received my packages in about 8 days without any problems.

** Use this discount code:  PUZ602 to receive $5 dollars off on your first purchase.

Other Supplements To Experiment With

Yohimbine: is an alkaloid with stimulant and aphrodisiac effects found naturally in Pausinystalia yohimbe.  Yohimbine has been used as both an over-the-counter dietary supplement in herbal extract form and prescription medicine in pure form for the treatment of sexual dysfunction. Take less than 1mg with Galantamine just before entering REM sleep.

5-HTP : is a naturally occurring amino acid and chemical precursor as well as metabolic intermediate in the bio-synthesis of the neurotransmitters serotonin and melatonin from tryptophan. As a dietary supplement it has been used as an antidepressant, appetite suppressant, and sleep aid.

5-HTP is a valuable aid in lucid dreaming because it suppresses REM sleep in the first half of the night helping you get quality deep sleep. Due to the REM-rebound effect, you will experience vivid dreams after 5-6 hours of sleep when used in conjunction with the supplements I mention above.

Featured Lucid Dreaming Book

This is the book that introduced me to many of the supplements that will assist you in lucid dreaming. The book is very well written and gives you in scientific detail why and how these supplements are effective in producing vivid dreams. I suggest reading this book by Thomas Yuschak called Advanced Lucid Dreaming: The Power of Supplements.

Hope you enjoyed my post, happy dreams

If you have any personal insights you would like to add, please join the conversation below and leave your comments.

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“When I stand before thee at the day’s end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing.” – Rabindranath Tagore

Why Letting Go of The Past Is So Hard

Once you begin to observe your mind and learn to become less identified with it, one of the main things that will startle you, is that you will become aware of all the unnecessary mental garbage we all carry inside us. This can be quite frightening.

These are unconscious tendencies and thought patterns that until now where silently operating below your conscious awareness. They dictate your day to day experience. These internal dialogues that we have carried for years have become deeply ingrained into our minds and bodies.

They actually alter our physiology and have become burned impressions in the neural pathways of our brains. They are known as engrams in the medical field. An engram is a physical alteration thought to occur in the living neural tissue in response to stimuli, posited as an explanation for memory.

In eastern traditions this is known as samskara and is responsible for ones karma. Healing memories is healing and clearing your karma.

These mental stories we carry become our identity, we mother them, we love them, even if they cause suffering. We may not be aware of it, but at a deep level we receive pleasure from many of our internal dramas. They become our most intimate addictions.

We don’t want to lose them because then we loose a part of us (what we believe to be us), and we don’t have anything new to replace it with. If we lose them we don’t know how to deal with the emptiness.

Healing Memories

We need to go through a physical and mental cleanse, to loosen up and break free from these mental impressions. Once they become loose there is the possibility of dropping them.

The best is learning to be with your silence, with your emptiness. It’s like wiping the slate clean, hitting the restart button, and relaxing into just “being”. It is a beautiful feeling when you don’t have the urge to go or do something else. Whatever you are doing at the moment is complete in of itself.

Three Step Process To Loosening and Healing Your Mental Scars

1. 1st Physical level (Cathartic meditation techniques): This could be any intense physical excerice like yoga, but I prefer to do cathartic meditation. This is what the Indian mystic Bagwan Shree Rashneesh, better known as Osho became famous for. He developed what he called “Dynamic” meditation techniques, which incorporate an initial intense cathartic process. This process was intended to throw out all mental and bodily tensions which are a direct hindrance to falling into meditation. The people of Buddha’s time lived much simpler lives and did not carry all the unnecessary junk that modern man now carries. Cathartic meditation techniques will help cleanse the muscle memory. I am working on a simple meditation guide with many of the techniques that I have tried. If you would like to be notified when it’s done, sign up here:
2. 2nd Mental Level: Talk it out, everyday like a ritual. This will help you cleanse your brains memories. Talk about it like you are an impartial observer, just narrating the movie that is your life. Just seeing and describing it without judging whether it’s good or bad. If you can do this you have already changed your relationship to the memory. The act of observing has changed the observed. You have put some space between you and it. If you begin to judge it, this means you have become identified with the memory and will only make your relationship to it stronger.
3. Laugh and Cry: This is reasonless crying and reasonless laughing. The effects are amazing, you will feel as if your consciousness is being cleansed. This helps loosen up your forgotten memories, your deep rooted conditioning.

Doing all three daily as a ritual for a month, will have an immense impact on your system. You will feel your system become loose and light. I know everyone has busy schedules but the more time your are able to devote to these practices, the more beneficial results you will gain.

1. Morning: 1 hour heavy physical catharsis. This could be dynamic mediation, yoga, running, any type of heavy physical exercise.
2. Noon: For 1 hours do nothing but talk about your past. Go as far back as you can.
3. Evening: Crying or laughing for 1 hour for no reason. At first this might seem hard, artificial, and forced. Quickly you will get a knack for it and once the laughter begins it will take you with it. It’s quite a beautiful exercise. Now you will relax into bedtime feeling light from the laughter or relieved from the crying, or a mixture of both.

The cumulative effect of these practices is that you will feel fresh, alive, like a new being, with the energy to start a new life.

Some of the benefits you may receive  from healing your past:

• Release from addictions.
• Release and relief from many of the traumas you have accumulated since birth.
• Healing emotional wounds.
• Phobias
• Tiredness: Physical, mental, and emotional blockages.
• Physical diseases: Many happened only from psychological disorders caused by the mental engrams in your system.

This cleansing process is like wiping the slate clean which allows you to create the mind you want.

We live in crazy hectic times, so it’s of the up-most importance that we regularly cleanse ourselves. I hope that my short article assists you on your journey to inner and outer fulfillment.

If you have any personal insights you would like to add, please join the conversation below and leave your comments.

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“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” - Mother Teresa

Its Time To Spread A Little Love

Let me ask you a question, how do you feel when a stranger stares at you? Are you at ease or do you feel uncomfortable?

Currently I am living in Busan, South Korea, where I can run around all day and not see another foreigner. I stick out like a sore thumb. Being in an environment where everyone is constantly staring at you as if you are an exotic species, you quickly learn to not let it bother you.

I meditate a lot so I am always trying to live my day to day life from a very meditative and mindful state. This is to try and live from the deepest part of my inner being, the part that remains totally unfazed with the outside world. I can be in a totally crammed subway, yet feel completely at ease, even If I have someone breathing down my neck, inside I am 100 feet away.

“Our task must be to free ourselves…by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.” - Albert Einstein

Its like being in the world, but not of it, just a witness to the miracle that is our planet. Living from this space one feels an overwhelming sense of love, of oneness, and consequently you feel it overflow and exit through your eyes.

Spread Love: It’s All In The Eyes

Next time you find your self on the subway or any other public place, try and find that place inside you that is utterly still, and from that place look out into the world. Feel the love inside, don’t think, just feel, feel the boundaries between you and the world melt.

Look at someone simply, which is to not let your thoughts come between that which you are observing, otherwise you are only seeing an image your mind constructed and not the thing you are seeing. You are seeing something conceptually, not actually. You are not making contact with it, when you are seeing something simply you are making a direct connection with it.

This is seeing in a loving way, you can observe this within yourself. Anytime you see a beautiful flower, a bird dancing on a branch, or a beautiful sunset, you are doing it in a loving way. The energy and quality of your look is different.

Today when I was sitting on the subway I caught an older gentleman starring at me, I starred back because I welcomed it. I looked at him simply and just smiled, he smiled back…we kept looking and right when he felt my look was penetrating him, he blushed then looked away and broke contact.

The Doorways To Our Souls

Our eyes are really doorways to our souls, this is why its rude to stare at people, they feel like you are invading their space, their privacy, that you are trying to take a peek at their deepest darkest secrets. But since I am trying to be open to the world, I welcome it. When you make a connection with someone through the eyes it’s as if you merge into each other, but it happens so quick that many of us just brush it off.

This also doesn’t have to turn into an awkward experience, just look out into the world in a loving way. You can make a tiny connection with a random stranger on the street in a split second. Just spreading a little love. You will immediately know the people who where open and receptive to it. You can tell right away when someone is getting uncomfortable, so just look away. If they welcome it, send your silent love and intention through your eyes, all this can happen in less than a second. If you don’t do this already, just try it, I would love to hear about your experience in the comments.

Just learn to constantly be In a state of observation. You will see that if you know how to look, a persons eyes can tell you a lot about them and the way they are feeling.

Just want to thank you for taking the time to read my post. I hope you found it insightful and that it inspires you to spread a little love.

(editors note: originally posted on 07/14/2010)

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Happy friday everyone, hope it’s been a good week for you so far. Things are great on my end, been staying really busy with improving my Korean and just started to study Portuguese and Italian as well. I also have a Salsa dance performance coming up at the end of the month, so I haven’t had much time for blogging lately.

January and February should be quiet months for me, so I plan on posting more frequently for you guys.

Without further ado, here is the next installment of “this week in pictures”.

“Please don’t take a turn to negative town.” – Jeremy Grey in Wedding Crashers

The Art of Seduction

Back when I was in high school I was the friendly guy who could get along with almost everyone. Making friends wasn’t a problem, but being more than friends when it came to the opposite sex was an intimidating endeavor for me.

I have always been fascinated by human behavior and as I was getting ready to go to college I was determined to learn as much as I could about social dynamics. Once in college I immersed myself in learning everything I could about psychology and influence. By my junior year, I had built quite a large social circle that enabled me to have a very fulfilling college experience. What I learned outside the classroom would prove to be more valuable to me than what I learned inside it.

Recently I watched “Wedding Crashers” an old favorite movie of mine. While I was watching it I couldn’t help but recognize many of the things I learned from interacting with so many people.

While my attitude towards seduction and influence has changed dramatically since then, I still feel that there’s many valuable lessons for anyone who would like to become more influential.

Now a days I ultimately feel that being an attractive person is not something you do but something you “are”. This deals with mainly learning to be in the moment, because when you are in the moment you are closer to who you intrinsically are. In the moment you are free of many of the persona’s which we all carry within us. Having the persona of a “pick up” artist, or any persona for that matter, can become physically, mentally, and emotionally draining and can cause much inner conflict as you begin to derive your sense of self from it.

Living and staying in the moment your attractive qualities are able to shine through allowing you to have much more enjoyable and natural interactions.

In the remainder of the post I will point out many of the lessons from “Wedding Crashers” that we can apply to achieve a fulfilling social life. While this post is geared mainly towards men wanting to attract a woman, the principles apply to anyone. Master many of these qualities, become aware of them in your interactions, then gradually learn to let them go, don’t become obsessed and identified to your own self image as a Casanova.  Just live in the moment.

When you internalize many of these qualities through repeated interactions you can gradually forget about them. Then in new situations whatever you need you will be able to spontaneously respond, because it’s somewhere already stored in your subconscious mind. Let your intuition guide you.

I also suggest you watch the movie once you read this post as it’s lessons will become more vivid in your mind.  It’s also a hilarious movie. I know many of you may say it’s just a movie, that this stuff doesn’t work in real life…In my experience much of  it does.

Seduction and influence is all about learning to do hundreds of little things, doing them well, that when executed properly will give you a greater chance of achieving your desired outcome. You also can’t attract everyone, you have to know when to fold your hand. We all have different strengths, find what works for you.

The Main Lessons From Wedding Crashers:

1. Storytelling: One of the greatest qualities that Vince Vaughn’s character Jeremy showcases in the movie, is the ability of story telling. Woman aren’t interested in facts or for you to just simply state things in a generic manner. You need to be able to paint a picture in a woman’s mind, you need to speak in a way that arouses her emotions. You need to learn to become awareof your voice and how to use it properly. You may find taking  improv lessons, learning about hypnosis, or NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) to be really useful.
   
   Woman: So what do you do?
   Me:I’m a writer. What do you do?
   Not very interesting right?…Wouldn’t this be a better response….
   Woman: So what do you do?
   Me: I’m a vagabond who loves to go on adventures and then through my writing inspire and motivate others to live epic lives. It’s what makes me feel alive. How about you?….What makes you come alive? Tell me about it…..(incorporating the right energy and body language for a congruent message)
2. Good at asking interesting questions: Everyone asks the same questions. Don’t be like most people….you can ask the same things but just learn to ask them or pose them in an interesting way. Your goal is to become memorable in people minds. Learn to be observant of all the small things. If you can observe all the subtle things about a persons appearance and behavior you can imagine being in there shoes, and then be able to ask interesting relevant questions.
3. Good at motivating and encouraging others: People of influence have the ability to motivate and make you feel good about yourself. They are able to elicit your values – the things that are important in your life- and help you get excited about them.
4. Exaggerated body language – enthusiasm is contagious: Vince Vaughn, is great with expressing his energy and body language. In a group setting you never want to be the one who lowers the groups energy. Be the one who comes in and raises it. Use common sense, don’t be over the top with it. If the groups energy is at a 5, come in at 6 or 7. Essentially we are energy, so anyone who is overflowing with energy, we are naturally drawn to them. These people are seen as charismatic individuals. Also learning to be more mindful, more meditative, you will radiate a very subtle energy to those around you. I prefer this as it requires less physical energy or feeling that your “putting” on a show. Just learn to be aware of your body and the message it’s conveying to others.
5. Perception is reality- creating authority at venues with your social circle: Being professional wedding crashers, they know that perception is reality. Just by using some fake US Military “Purple Hearts” they create the reality they wish. By having deep convictions in their behaviors they establish the frame that others will see them through. If you go to a local pub regularly, learn to be friendly with the whole staff. Leave good tips, learn a little bit about them, take genuine interest in them. Everyone has something to share and you can learn quite a bit by having the right attitude of being open and willing to connect. Then when you have a date, take her to several of the places you frequent. You will be viewed as a highly likable person. This was huge for me in college. I had many friends from a diverse set of backgrounds and interests. I knew many of the bartenders and staff of all the popular hang out spots in my college town. People would always mention to me, that it seemed like I knew everyone. You just need to take interest in other people everywhere you go. One time I was going through the drive-thru at a Wendy’s restaurant I frequented, the employee inside recognized my voice and we started to chat it up. When I pulled up, he gave me a bag of extra food, a nice little perk when you treat others well. So from the woman’s perspective, all these little things that she observes, creates the perception that everyone likes me. And on some level they do, because I like them. I don’t mean to sound like I am bragging, just wanted to share examples from my own life.
6. Approach woman in high energy/emotional environments (weddings): Obviously your chances will always be better if the woman you want to approach is already in a heightened and receptive state of being.
7. Eye contact is huge: The eyes are doorways to our souls. If you know how to see, someones eyes will tell you so much about them. This is why it’s rude to stare, people feel as if you are invading their privacy, as if your trying to uncover their secrets. Learn to maintain a good level of eye contact. Don’t be creepy and stare. Just a soft natural gaze, as soon as you feel a little tension building break it for a second. I usually pick the right eye to focus my attention on, as it is connected to the right (creative) hemisphere of the brain.
8. Being able to adapt to any group of people and environment: One of their greatest strengths in wedding crashing was being able to adapt to any environment no matter how different it was. If you are comfortable in your own skin, you can be anywhere and appear in your element. A daily practice of meditation can help you remain centered in your day to day life or at a high energy party venue.
9. Magic with kids: Vince Vaughn uses magic with the kids as a way to draw attention to himself in a positive way. I never got into magic, but I knew several friends who used it to great effect to get in the front door with the ladies.
10. Good dancers: You don’t need to be a great dancer, but it surely won’t hurt. Just make sure you have fun. Enjoying yourself and the dance is whats important, don’t focus so much on the girl, as you will project too much interest. Dancing’s greatest strength is getting a woman used to your touch. Getting a woman used to your touch early on is pretty important if you don’t want to get caught up in the dreaded friend zone. I have been there many times, this was my biggest sticking point, it’s not a fun place to be. When they are comfortable with your light playful touching it will be much easier to escalate it without seeming unnatural.
11. Sharp Dressers: If you don’t have a good sense of style, just ask several of your girl friends who you trust to help you find a new wardrobe. People are constantly comparing and judging, so always be aware of your appearance and the body language your exhibiting. This is an easy thing to fix, so don’t worry about it. Just take a little interest in fashion and you will find your own style. Sign up for a subscription at GQ, be observant when your on the street and see someone with an item you like.
12. Focus on helping others enjoy themselves: Remember it’s not about you it’s about other people. If you focus on giving and making sure others are enjoying themselves, as a by product your needs will also be taken care of. People want to show their appreciation to the people who take genuine interest in them. In college my friends and I would throw many party’s, we focused on showing others a good time, in return they showed there appreciation in any way they could.
13. Able to play different roles effortlessly:As Shakespeare said life’s a stage and all the men merely players. When you step back and observe society you can see how we all play different roles throughout our lives. Most people do it unconsciously, they have become too identified to these different roles. They believe it’s who they are. When you understand yourself at a deep level, you can jump in and out of different roles as needed. This can be an attractive quality because you can appear as exciting and unpredictable.

    “You know how they say we only use 10% of our brains I think we only use 10% of our hearts” – John Beckwith

14. Show you can be vulnerable: Sure many woman love a strong manly man, but also show that you have a softer side and can connect with them on an emotional level.
15. Embracing the moment: Carpe diem “seize the day” ….what can be more sexier than that.
16. Center of attention: If you have big social circle, and you focus on others having a good time, at any party or event you will be a focal point of attention. Don’t become egotistical about it, just enjoy your self, have fun with others and the woman will take notice. Don’t take yourself seriously.
17. Get everyone laughing:You don’t need to be a comedian, just be observant, in time you can develop your own style of wit.

    “One day you will look back at this and laugh and say we where young and stupid” - Jeremy Grey

18. It’s not quantity but quality: Once you get comfortable in meeting and going out with many woman, you may go over board. At one point in the movie John begins to question whether their behavior of seducing woman at weddings is sleazy. Just remember that your goal shouldn’t be to sleep with dozens of woman, but to find an amazing companion. We are all amazingly unique and complex, and the reality is that for many of us we will need to date dozen’s of people before we truly find someone we can connect with on a deep level.
19. Do not sulk: it draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself but on your own terms.
20. Speak to them in their own language: One way to get someone comfortable is to speak using their own language. In the movie, the father of the girl John was pursuing loved sailing. So John uses this to his advantage by speaking and embedding his stories with sailing terms.
21. What’s our back story = make what you do interesting: For every wedding that they crashed, they made sure they had an interesting back story. Whats your story? Make it an interesting one. Look back on your life, I am sure you have done some amazing things.
22. Cold Reading:John displays this skill in a playful way when trying to guess the contents of the weddings presents. Cold reading is a series of techniques used by mentalists, psychics, fortune-tellers, illusionists, and con artists to determine or express details about another person, often in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than they actually do. Cold readers commonly employ high probability guesses about the subject, quickly picking up on signals from their subjects as to whether their guesses are in the right direction or not, and then emphasizing and reinforcing any chance connections the subjects acknowledge while quickly moving on from missed guesses.

    “People helping people it’s powerful stuff”- Jeremy Grey

23. Important to build rapport with family and friends: Girls greatly value the opinion of their friends and family. If their friends and family like you, you have won half the battle.
24. Move through various locations don’t stay in one spot: If you go on a date try to hit up several venues or activities. If you meet a girl for coffee and chat for 3 hours, when she thinks of your time together it might not be too memorable. Instead go for coffee for one hour, then window shopping for another hour, then finally go to your friends art show. When she replays the evening in her mind it will feel like shes actually had three mini dates with you. Do this for several dates and she will feel that she knows you longer than she actually does.
25. Be a sincere empathetic listener: There’s a big difference between hearing someone talk and attentively listening to someone speak. Many people are caught up in there minds noise, so many people are very poor listeners. The more mindful you become the more your attention will be free and available for the act of listening. If you are listening attentively you will never run out of things to say, they will give you everything you need to keep the conversation going.
26. Metaphysical awareness:Woman being highly emotional and intuitive beings will naturally like to speak about topics that evoke these good feelings. Many will be very interested in conversating about spiritual and esoteric topics.

    “Your a big hit at this wedding”…..“everyone is so nice it’s easy”

27. Don’t bad mouth others: I know this is very difficult, as this is many peoples favorite past time. Try your best not do it, it will get easier the more you refrain from participating in it.
28. Be playful..know how to tease: This creates the attractive push pull dynamic in an interaction.
29. Logistics (plan ahead):Know where you will be, and if possible have all the logistics figured out. What are some possible challenges? Will it be too noisy to talk? Is there any good restaurants in the area to go after the show?

    “Get off your high horse – quit judging people”- John Beckwith

30. Don’t judge others: I know how difficult this can be, our minds are hard wired for it. All our minds can do is compare and judge based on all our memories and experiences. This is what thinking essentially is. What you can learn to do though, is to not become identified to your judgments, not give them any power. If you can “see” how your judgments separate you and keep you from understanding that which you are observing, you will see how silly it is to have these superficial judgments. Learn so suspend your beliefs. This requires that you come to understand at a deep level that who you actually are is beyond your thoughts, emotions, and body. You are not your thoughts, but the awareness who is aware of having those thoughts. Ultimately, everyone wants someone to love them as they are. If you can see others with a simple innocence free of judgment, they will feel connected to you. They will feel really comfortable because they can sense that you accept them as they are, they will then open up to you even more.
31. Participate in events: Find out what is happening in your town. First find events centered around your interests or just try out random and wacky events. It’s a great way to get out of your comfort zone and meet new interesting people. Use meetup.com.
32. Wing-man is important: It’s just a lot easier to work a room with a good friend that’s on the same page as you.
33. Being playful: Show that you are able to not take your self so serious. Thumb wrestling and high fives can go a long way when used correctly.
34. Don’t lie about who you really are: This was probably the biggest lesson in the movie. Any lie will come back to haunt you. If you want to have a long term and meaningful relationship honesty is best policy, because in the end what really matters is love.