Sporadic Movie Reviews

Five Horror Movies About Disease...

2015-03-24T12:51:00.000+00:00

I'm sick...again. But I'm not as sick as the people in these films.
Edit: I started this when I first became sick and couldn't write anything whilst I was infected...
I have finally recovered and can now finish this post.

1. Carriers (2009)
This is a great film about two brothers making a road trip to there childhood holiday spot after a viral pandemic ravages the whole planet. It stars Chris Pine and was actually made in 2006 but wasn't released until 2009 after he gained success in the new Star Trek. They meet several infected and not infected people along the way. Can't really say more without spoiling the movie...but I do recommend it.

Symptoms: Flu-like symptoms (of course), bruising, gross open sores...and then death.

2. 28 Days Later (2002)
This is not a zombie movie. Noone dies and comes back to life. This movie is about a rage virus. Still scary as hell and I can barely watch it.
Apparently, director Danny Boyle claims it's not a horror movie...if this isn't a horror movie, I'm scared to imagine what a Danny Boyle horror movie would be like!

Symptoms: Even one drop of blood will instantly turn you into a rage filled monster attacking anything and everything...not a zombie.

3. Splinter (2008)
This is an overlooked, not very well known horror movie about a couple stuck in a really remote gas station...there's something outside, that's been infected by this splinter virus, that wants to get in. This is another movie with a lot of WTF moments.

Symptoms: Within seconds spiny darts rip through your body and tear it apart...and then those pieces start moving on their own trying to infect anything it can detect with body heat.

4. Pontypool (2008)
This move is very disturbing. It's a Canadian film that was adapted by Tony Burgess from is own novel 'Pontypool Changes Everything'. A deadly virus, AMPS (Acquired Metastructural Pediculosis), is spread through langauge. It's set in a radio station in Pontypool, Canada. The most disturbing part is the the calls from the witnesses of the outbreak, what you imagine is happening is worse than if they actually showed it.

Symptoms: According to director Bruce McDonald-
"There are three stages to this virus. The first stage is you might begin to repeat a word. Something gets stuck. And usually it's words that are terms of endearment like sweetheart or honey.
The second stage is your language becomes scrambled and you can't express yourself properly.
The third stage you become so distraught at your condition that the only way out of the situation you feel, as an infected person, is to try and chew your way through the mouth of another person."

5. Masque Of The Red Death (1964)
Now for an oldie but goodie, by the master of the B-movie Roger Corman, based on an Edgar Allen Poe short story. This is a beautiful movie, filmed in 'Pathecolor', the famous seven colored rooms have been an inspiration to many filmmakers.
Vincent Price is Prince Prospero, who locks himself and several dozen other wealthy noblemen in his castle whilst the Red Death ravages the poor villagers around them. As they party, strange things happen and the 1% are not spared from the Red Death afterall.

Symptoms: The Red Death is a fictitious disease. Poe describes it as causing "sharp pains, and sudden dizziness, and then profuse bleeding at the pores" leading to death within half an hour.

Four sexy movies to watch instead of 50 Shades of Grey...

2015-02-12T17:35:00.001+00:00

So, its true, they've made a movie from the Twilight fan fiction that is 50 Shades of Grey. Here are some old school sexy movies that my friends and I used rent when we had slumber parties when were in high school...yes, I'm that old.

1. Two Moon Junction (1988)

Trashy film starring Sherilyn Fenn from Twin Peaks.
Rich girl hooks up with a bit of rough from a travelling carnival. Lots of sex. Randomly also starred some quite famous, respectable actors including Academy Award winner Louise Fletcher.
There was a straight to video sequel called Return to Two Moon Junction, starring Melinda Clarke, in which I worked in the wardrobe department.
Not as good as the orginal.

2. 9 1/2 Weeks

Starring Kim Bassinger and Mickey Rourke before his face got messed and up he was still sexy and dangerous.
The title is how long their kinky and sometimes abusive sexual relationship lasted before she leaves him when he starts to get controlling and jealous. Sex with food. Sex in the rain in an alley. Sex in public. Cross dressing (her). Lots of sex.

3. Sex Lies and Videotapes (1989)

This is Steven Soderbergh's first film. It's about sexy people; James Spader (who is also in another film on this list), Andie MacDowell (Four Weddings & a Funeral), Peter Gallagher (sexy eyebrows) and Laura San Giacomo (Pretty Woman) talking about sex and having sex with each other.

4. Secretary (2002)
This is what an actual BSDM relationship is like...not 50 Shades of an Abusive Relationship. It stars James Spader as a lawyer who has a very interesting relationship with his secretary, Maggie Gyllenhaal. Very sexy movie.

Robin Williams R.I.P.

2014-08-12T09:52:00.000+01:00

I was born in the 70's and grew up in the 80's, so Robin Williams has always been in my life in some way. Starting with Mork and Mindy and Happy Days on T.V.
I keep trying to pick my favorite Robin Williams movie or scene and I can't choose just one, that's why I'm writing this blog. There are too many moments, too many memories that are engrained in our minds, that are part of our collective histories.

POPEYE (1980)

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM (1987)

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989)

THE FISHER KING (1991)

TOYS (1992)

MRS. DOUBTFIRE (1993)

GOOD WILL HUNTING (1997)

INSOMNIA (2002)

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM (2006)

You are missed by everyone. x

Five Back To School Movies...

2013-09-04T17:34:00.000+01:00

School sucks...amiright!?! Here's some horror movies set around high school. Every other list I've seen had Carrie, The Craft, The Faculty, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Prom Night...so here's some other ones.

1. Class of Nuke'em High (1986)
A Troma Entertainment cult classic...Tromaville High School is located next to a nuclear power plant...mutant shenanigans occur. The local gang is called 'The Cretins'.
There's a couple of sequels.
It's a Troma movie, and if you know Troma, than you know what to expect.

2. Class of 1984 (1982)
Class of Nuke'em High is basically a spoof of this movie...which is Canadian...and stars Timothy Van Patten, who has gone on to direct; The Sopranos, Homecide: Life on the Street, The Wire, Game of Thrones, Ed, Sex & The City and Boardwalk Empire!
A gang of 'punks' terrorise their high school. The theme song 'We Are The Future' was by Alice Cooper.

3. The Woods (2006)
A little known but pretty good supernatural horror starring Bruce Campbell and Patricia Clarkson.
Set in a private girls school in 1965...weird things are happening...in the woods. Girls are disappearing from their beds in the middle of the night and all that's left is a pile of leaves. What's going on?

4. Christine (1983)
From the Stephen King book of the same name and directed by the master himself John Carpenter.
Arnie is a nerdy teenager with only one friend, who happens to be a popular jock, his luck seems to change when he buys a rusty old red and white 1957 Plymouth Fury named 'Christine'. As Arnie works on the car, which the radio only plays 1950's rock n roll, he starts to change...once shy and unassuming, he's now cocky and dresses in all black. Christine starts to take revenge on the high school gang that have been bullying Arnie.

5. Battle Royale (2000)
Controversal Japanese cult classic based on a book of the same name by Koushun Takami.
A class of high school students are drugged, fitted with collars and taken a remote island where they are told that they have to try and kill each other over the next three days. This movie is very violent but very emotional at the same time.
It is banned in Germany and has never had full distribution in the U.S.

5 Movies That Will Make You NOT Want To Have Kids...

2013-08-10T18:46:00.000+01:00

This blog post contains major spoilers!

Last weekend, I watched a British horror movie called "The Children". Middle class children become homicidal maniacs, turning on their parents, possibly due to some kind of virus. Firstly, the kids are annoying even before they start killing the family pet and then their parents. And then when they go 'postal', holy crap, pure evil. This movie will make you not want children...and here are four more that are a form of visual birth control.

Village of the Damned
1. They could be mutant alien children that are smarter than you and psychic and will probably kill you with their brains and take over the planet. And their eyes glow. And they are incredibly tidy and wear matching outfits.

The Bad Seed
2. They could be a sociopath and kill three people. And be incredibly tidy and wear their hair in braids. This movie scared my dad so much as a kid he ran all the way home from the movies because it was raining and he was afraid he'd get hit by lightning...just like in the movie.

Ils (Them)
3. They could be part of a feral gang that just wants to 'play' with you...aka kill you.
This was apparently based on actual events.

Orphan
4. The 9 year old child you adopt could end being a 33 year old Estonian woman who has murdered 7 people before escaping from a mental institute. And they're incredibly tidy and wears her hair in pig tails...I see a theme.

Or they could end up being like Veruca Salt...

Kick-Ass and Whip It!

2013-08-06T13:42:00.004+01:00

Strangely, I only just saw both these movies this last weekend...strangely, because they are both movies that friends had recommended I watch because they thought I'd like them, and it took me forever to actually see them. And my friends were right I did like both of them...very much.

First up...
Kick-Ass
This movie isn't even really about Kick-Ass, it's about Hit Girl. Kick-Ass doesn't really become a 'super hero' until the end of the movie when he hooks up with Hit Girl to avenge Big Daddy's death. Hit Girl has all the best scenes and all the best moves and of course, all the best lines. She's a much more interesting character than Kick-Ass and you want to know more about her. You pretty much know everything about Kick-Ass.

Next up...
Whip It!
Whip It is Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, I hope she directs some more films because this movie was a fun romp about how roller derby helps a teenage girl find herself. Ellen Page as Bliss is excellent as usual and is no way like Juno, though there is one line of dialogue where she sounded just like Juno. Bliss is less conifident than Juno and is trying to please her mother by being in beauty pageants. But Bliss lies about her age and joins a all women roller derby team of losers, though of course quirky characters. The casting was perfect. The soundtrack is awesome. And now I really want some roller skates!

5 Movies to Make You Forget the Heat...

2013-07-23T13:38:00.001+01:00

Hot town, summer in the city...it's really F*ing hot here in the U.K. and I hear there's a heat wave in the U.S. too. Here's five movies that will, hopefully, make you forget the heat...there will be a lot of snow involved.

Let The Right One In
Brilliant, moving, surreal, moody Swedish film that just happens to have a vampire in it. It takes place during winter. There's a lot of snow...and blood.
Oh and the title comes from a Morrissey song.

The Thing

Takes place in the Antartic, so there's lots of snow...and blood. Horror master John Carpenter's masterpiece sci-fi/horror about an alien in a research station. It stars Kurt Russell and has some really cool special effects.

30 Days of Night
Another vampire movie...but these vampires don't sparkle, they are feral, almost rodent-like pack animals. As it's set in Alaska, there's a lot of snow...and blood. And Josh Harnett isn't too annoying.

The Shining

Dad goes mad as the winter caretaker of The Overlook Hotel. There's lots of snow...and blood. Check out the Wikipedia page..there's a lot of theories about this movie...oh and the film 'Room 237'.

And now for a non-horror movie, though the story is horrific and brave.

The Great White Silence
This is a docementary about the Terra Nova Expedition between 1910-13, from which Robert Falcon Scott and four others never returned. It's about the Antartic so there's a lot of snow...no blood this time.
We had the Scott Expedition Exhibit at the Natural History Museum in London last year and it was breath-taking.

Five Summer Movies Part Two: Oh The Horror!

2013-07-20T20:29:00.000+01:00

As I was writing the last post, I kept coming up with summer themed horror movies, so I decided to write up a list of just those movies...
Note: I don't recommend movies I haven't seen, so no Friday the 13th or Sleepaway Camp.

The Ruins
This movie is part of the 'stupid white people in a foreign country' sub-genre. In Mexico, four Americans team up with two German and Greek guys to search for the German guys brother, who went off with a female archaeologist to see some Mayan ruins. Once they get to the Mayan pyramid, they are confronted by some actual Mayans who basically hold them hostage on the ruins.
I don't want to give too much away but this movie is really good...very intense, some interesting twists and some gruesome scenes that make you go 'holy shit!'

Picnic At Hanging Rock

Not really a horror movie but it's still really creepy, moody, surreal, confusing and disturbing. And it takes place on St. Valentine's Day but it's Australia, so it's still summer there.
The young girls at Appleyard College near Woodend in Victoria go on a picnic at Hanging Rock in honor of St. Valentine's Day. Several of the girls and one of their teachers decide to go and explore Hanging Rock. Weird things happen on the rock and half the girls never return from the rock and are never to be seen again. Were the kidnapped by the local Aborigines? Did they wander off and get lost in the outback? Was it something more supernatural? We never know...the mystery is never solved.

Five Summer Movies: Part One

2013-07-19T17:06:00.002+01:00

Here's some of my favorite summer movies, in no particular order, just in case we do have another crappy summer...

Dazed and Confused - Richard Linklater (1993)
This cult movie by Ricjard Linklater is about the last day of high school in the suburbs of Austin, Texas in 1976. It's stars basically, everyone: Matthew McConaughey, Jason London (twin brother Jeremy was in 7th Heaven), Ben Affleck, Milla Jovovich, Cole Hauser (Pitch Black, 2 Fast 2 Furious), Parker Posey, Adam Goldberg (Friends, Joey), Joey Lauren Adams (Chasing Amy), Anthony Rapp (Firefly, Suburgatory), Renée Zellweger and Rory Cochrane (Empire Records, CSI: Miami).
Plot: Long story short...graduating seniors haze the incoming freshmen...much shenanigans ensue, much beer is drunk and many a roach is smoked...all to an excellent rock soundtrack including; Foghat, Aerosmith, KISS, Alice Cooper, The Runaways...etc. Some of the fashion is questionable but that's the 70's. It's also an insanely quotable movie, the dialogue is classic.
If you aren't stoned when you watch this movie, you'll feel stoned.
Just lay back and chill out and enjoy the ride.

My sister and I used to love this next movie! We would make our mom rent it from the video shop all the time. We really should have bought it we watched it so much.

Summer School - Carl Reiner (1987)

Plot: Slacker teacher Mr. Shoop (Mark Harmon) is forced to teach summer school to a class of misfits and losers...shenanigans ensue.
It stars loads of people you recognize but can't put your finger on why...
Surfer girl Pam is Courtney Thorne-Smith from Melrose Place; Larry, who's male stripper is Ken Olandt who has been a lot of t.v. shows including The Young & The Restless; jock Kevin is Patrick Labyorteaux who was in Little House and JAG; pregnant Rhonda is Shawnee Smith from the Saw franchise; geeky Alan is Richard Steven Horvitz is now a popular voice actor for animated and live action films and t.v.; dyslexic Denise is Kelly Jo Minter who was in House Part and Nightmare on Elm Street 5; intimidating Jerome is Duane Davis who was in Ghosts of Mars, and two horror-film-obsessed underachievers, Dave is Gary Riley who was in Stand By Me and Francis, a.k.a. 'Chainsaw' is Dean Cameron who you should just click on his name and read his Wikipedia because he's done some cool stuff recently.

Meatballs - Ivan Reitman (1979)
I love Bill Murray. This was his first starring role. This is what we all wanted summer camp to be like.
Another great summer movie starring Bill Murray...and Chevy Chase, is Caddy Shack. 'Be the ball.'
I don't think I really need to say anymore about these movies except you should watch them if you like to laugh.

Monsters on Film4

2011-11-17T23:02:00.001+00:00

from Wikipedia

So, my first post on my newly renamed blog...

Most of the movies I 'll write about will probably be on Film4. This is one of my favorite channels, it only shows films, mostly independent and some foreign films...with a big Hollywood/blockbuster thrown in every once in a while. Film4 also produces a lot of British films including; 127 Hours, 24 Hour Part People, A Room With a View, The Crying Game, Trainspotting, Attack the Block and many, many more.

Monsters is a British Sci-fi monster movie set in Mexico starring Americans Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able, who were a couple in real life which helped with the onscreen chemistry. The film was directed, written, edited and the visual effects done by Gareth Edwards, who won the '48 Hour Film Contest' at the SCI FI LONDON Film Festival in 2008, who I now happen to volunteer for but not when he won.

One sentence synopsis: A guy and girl have to travel across Mexico to get to the U.S. after a 'monster' infestation.

It reminds me of Let the Right One In a bit because, like that movie it's actually about something else and just happens to have monsters (vampires) in it. Let the Right One In is tecnically a vampire movie but to me it's a social realist movie about a pair of outsiders or 'freaks' who find each other...and one of them just happens to be a vampire. I don't even consider it a horror movie.

Monsters is technically a sci-fi monster movie...but to me it's an indie mumblecore movie about a couple who fall in love whilst on a road trip where shenanigans, good and bad, happen to them...and there just happens to be 'monsters' or creatures as they are called in the film. Take out the monsters and this movie is like 'It Happened One Night', 'The Sure Thing', 'Before Sunrise/Sunset' and 'In Search of a Midnight Kiss' which also starred Scooty McNairy an is actually an inspiration for the Monsters.

The movie has a natural easiness about it due to it's handheld camera and improvised dialogue. It was filmed without premits using the locals as actors and extras. I love movies like this...two of my favorite genres are sci-fi and indie mumblecore films. So, you'd think combining the two wouldn't work but it does. This is a sci-fi monster movie for people who don't like those types of movies.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

2010-10-23T15:16:00.001+01:00

Basically, I started this blog because friends were requesting I give them a full review of Scott Pilgrim, not just a 'scott pilgrim rocked my world' post on Facebook.
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World movie is an adaptation of the six Scott Pilgrim graphic novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley. Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) is 22, 23 in the books, and plays bass in Sex Bob-Omb. He lives with his 'cool gay roommate' Wallace (Keiran Culkin). Scott is 'dating' a High School girl named Knives Chau (Ellen Wong), he wants something simple and pure whilst getting over his evil ex-girlfriend Envy Adams. Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) keeps rollar blading through his dreams and then he discovers she's real! They start dating and then he's told he has to defeat Ramona's seven evil ex-boyfriends...sorry, I mean ex's...who want to control her future love life. Oh yeah, it takes place in Toronto, Canada.
According to several reviews I am too old to 'get' this movie. Apparently, anyone over 25 will not understand the pop culture references that Scott and his buddies drop. Also the editing is too quick and the colors are too bright and the music is too loud. I'm 37, so I guess I should be watching 'Eat, Pray, Love' and 'Sex and the City 2'. All I have to say about that is W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R.!
I don't know what they're talking about because most of the video game references are from the early 90's. The music may be new Indie but there's a song from The Bluetones in it from 10 years ago and The Bluetones have never been on the edge of Indie cool. (BTW. I'm a huge Bluetones fan) Japanese animation and Bollywood has been gaining popularity over the past 10 years and is actually mainstream. One of the funniest scenes in the movie is a homage to Seinfeld...a T.V. show that was popular in the 90's! Most of the references are actually for people over the age of 25!
Anyways...I LOVED THIS MOVIE! I saw it twice the week it came out. It is fun, funny, joyful, clever and a party for your eyes. The casting is perfect. Especially Chris Evans and Brandon Routh as evil ex's numbers '2' and '3', respectively. Michael Cera isn't the same character that everyone claims he plays in every film. Scott is a jerk. He's deserves some of what happens to him. He's a bad boyfriend...not evil, just bad.
Comics and graphic novels should be easy to translate onto film because they're basically the story boards. But as we know this isn't always the case. But not with Scott Pilgrim...Edgar Wright has made a live action comic! Scott Pilgrim also the movie that's most like Spaced. The friendships, the pop culture references, the editing...which is brilliant by the way.
Scott Pilgrim is the funnest movie I've seen in years! Do believe the hype.

Why you should keep reading...

2010-08-26T21:52:00.000+01:00

I love movies. I was a total geek in high school and didn't go to many parties until my junior/senior year. I mostly stayed at home on the weekends and watched movies on televison. My favorite movie channels were AMC (American Movie Classics), TBS, Bravo (before it just showed reality t.v., it showed mostly independent & foreign films), FX (which was the Fox movie channel), the USA channel and TNT. My home town, Temecula, also had a couple really good video rental places that actually had some quite obscure movies.
I've also worked for three movie theaters, two multiplexes in the States and a two screen art house cinema in London. I also worked as the video/DVD buyer at a Virgin Megastore back in the 90's. And I have a Bachelor's Degree in Film.
So basically, my movie tastes were influenced by the combination of classics, horror and B-movies on TBS and USA, independent films and made for t.v. movies on FX. Now I live in London and get the amazing Film4 channel, the BBC channels and subscribe to LoveFilm. There's also lots of different cinemas from chains to art houses and second run.
I'll mostly be writing about those types of films, though I do like the random 'big budget main stream Hollywood' movie too.
I am the rarely seen female film geek.

Sporadic Movie Reviews

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