JAMM SESSIONS

Movin' On Out

2013-04-25T09:56:00.001-04:00

After 3 years on Blogger, I will be taking JAMM SESSIONS to a different webhost. I loved getting started here but am ready for a more customizable blogging experience for me and for you. Plus, I am looking forward to managing my performance website and JAMM SESSIONS all in one place. Over the next few weeks, I will be transitioning this blog so please bear with me if there are a few bumps. Thank you for reading and I look forwarding to dishing more with you when we arrive at JAMM's new home!

xo

The Last Few Weeks

2013-04-16T23:04:00.001-04:00

Been awhile huh? Well, lots has happened. I've been cast in two shows, will be doing my own show in the Fringe Festival, made it through being robbed at the cemetery, (I know, awful.), and am on my way to being healthier than ever! What's up with you?

Warning . . . I'm friggin' exhausted. My brain at the moment is the equivalent of sugar-free jello. Thanks in advance for sticking with me through what is sure to be a scattered reading experience.

First things first. I have been cast in Rent! Holla'! I'll be playing your fave lesbian lawyer, Joanne. Me and black lady roles . . . I know right? If the shoe fits. Can't wait to sing this show!! Rent opens in July and is being re-imagined to be staged in the round. Check out my website for more info on this exciting production!

My dear friend, Robyn Fazio-Lasser, and I are putting on our own show in the Rochester Fringe Festival this year! Once all the deets are finalized with this, I will be sharing it here and on my website. Check back soon! Should have everything signed in the next few weeks!

Last but certainly not least, dreams do come true! I will be playing Cathy in The Last Five Years!!! Eeeeeee!!! I have been wanting to play this part for 10 years now! If you're an actor or actress, you have a "Dream Roles List" and THIS is in my top three. Here's what the New York Times says about this show:

"Jason Robert Brown’s contemporary musical The Last Five Years tells the emotionally powerful story of two twenty-something New Yorkers who dive head first into a marriage fueled by the optimism that comes with finding “the one.” But in a city where professional and personal passions collide and only the strongest relationships survive, navigating the waters of love and matrimony can sometimes prove too much. Funny, honest and intimate, with an exuberantly romantic score, The Last Five Years takes a bold look at one young couple's hope that love endures the test of time."

If you don't know the show, it's a real sin. It is just gorgeous. I can't believe I get to sing that score and say those words. You should come. You won't be sorry. We open in October and all the information for this production is on my website too!

So, I've been on performance break and taking a ton of me time. It's been awesome and straight up necessary. It's not easy to just pause, take a break from the world, and center yourself. But I did it, (still am in many ways), and I'm happy and proud that I listened to myself and took the time I needed to work on me. I'm still working, I'll always be working. Taking the time to stop, breathe and just be still has been good for me. However, I am so ready to dive back into my artistic work. I am honored to have these three magnificent productions to look forward too.

I thrive on being overly busy. Fact.

Sometimes, when I'm writing here, I feel like I'm just vomiting information. This is one of those posts. A mish mash of Janine-thoughts and facts. Thanks for bearing with me. I'm excited for what's ahead. It's weird, I wasn't sure after losing my Mom that I could feel like this again. I miss her. I'll always miss her. Breathing will never be the same. But I hope to honor her life by living mine fully. It's what I think of and strive for everyday.

Goodnight.

xo

Happy Birthday

2013-03-14T11:02:00.000-04:00

Today is my Mom's Birthday. She would have been 66. She deserves to be honored, celebrated and remembered. She was one of a kind.

Chem Wow

2013-03-02T08:24:00.004-05:00

I had my first chemical peel this week and can you say awesome? Unlike this, I left there feeling relaxed and ready for round 2. I was a little nervous to get it done because you always hear horror stories about chem peels gone bad. (For the love of God do NOT google chemical peel and then look at the pictures. Straight up terrifying.) But my sista', Robyn, did it for me and she is the tits. (You should all go to her if you live 'round these parts.) My face was clear, smooth as a baby's bottom and glowing.

I'm obsessed.

I've gotten a facial many times before but this is just awesomer. If you've never dove face first into chemical peel land, take the plunge! Just be sure you go to someone who is a certified esthetician as it is your face. If you were unable to resist the aforementioned google experience, you'll understand why a seasoned pro is imperative.

Let me know if you try it! Would love to hear what you think. Kisses.

xo

Girl Crush

2013-02-27T14:36:00.001-05:00

I have severe lady love for Jennifer Lawrence aka Katniss Everdeen. I think it truly did start with The Hunger Games. I read all three books in 10 days and thought the movie adaptation stayed very true to the first book. (Side note: Totally pumped for Catching Fire to come out!) I have been a huge fan of everything I have seen Ms. Lawrence in since then. She's a great actress. More importantly? She appears to be a kick ass human being. So. It's official. I have a girl crush on ~~Jennifer Lawrence~~ Academy Award Winner Jennifer Lawrence. This article explains it waaaaay better than I could and have time for right now. (Off to the dentist. Barf.) And if you haven't seen her in this movie I urge you to get on your runnin' shoes and head to the closest movie theatre. Pure brilliance from all involved with it and especially from her. She won the Academy Award for a reason. I want her to be my BFF.

Oh . . . and to further prove her awesomeness, check out the video below. Need I say more?

Like Apples and Oranges

2013-02-25T10:09:00.001-05:00

Like most people on the planet, I too watched the ~~Tony~~ Academy Awards last night. I’m really not sure why I watch them anymore. They are progressively getting worse. (Ugh, negative I know. But sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade.) I enjoyed that they added in more music this year, however, 80% of it was just plain bad. A kindergarten chorus could have delivered a better mash up than the movie cast of Les Mis did. (But can we take a quick pause to talk about Charlize Theron? Perfection. Good move Academy peeps.)

Acting for the camera is a completely different skill set than acting for stage. It’s like peanut butter versus chocolate pie. Yes, both are tasty treats. And although they do share some ingredients, there are some very distinct differences. There are some actors who understand both mediums and are capable of being exceptional at both. (For example: Hugh Jackman, Sarah Jessica Parker and Taye Diggs to name a few.) But honestly, just because you are a movie star doesn’t mean you have what it takes to deliver a musical. Just because you are famous and can sing on pitch doesn’t mean you should be winning an Academy Award for your mediocre performance in the movie version of Les Mis.

Friends, I beg of you . . . if you’ve never seen Les Mis onstage then PLEASE do not let the movie be your only experience. It was written for the stage for a reason and it is exponentially better when performed live by people who understand how to deliver the material.

Heaven help me when they make the movie version of Wicked.

OK. I just really needed to get that off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

xo

P.S. I don't hate all movie-musicals. Just the really bad ones. Ya feel me? I think you do.

Trust Your Gut

2013-02-19T16:27:00.001-05:00

Last year, I decided to move home from LA for a plethora of reasons. The main one is simple, there was something in me that was nagging at me and telling me to pack up and head home. My gut said to leave. I couldn’t explain it then. But I certainly can now.

Almost 6 months to the day that I returned home, my Mom died.

This wasn’t expected. She did not have cancer or a terminal illness. She had a brain aneurism. Two actually. The second one killed her instantly.

People had a lot to say about my return. Opinions are like a**holes after all. (You know the rest). Many people thought I quit or gave up without trying. (Which is just plain silly since I booked a commercial the second day I was there. ) But the point is, had I listened to those people and not myself, I now know I would have missed the last 6 precious months of my Mom’s life.

My gut has never steered me wrong. Ever. I have come to realize that I have great instincts. I’ve met people I don’t like only to talk myself into giving them a chance only to be inevitably burned by them in the long run. Had I just trusted my gut, I could have saved a lot of time and energy.

So that’s what I do now. I listen to myself. Always. I hope you will too.

Just Sayin'

2013-02-12T22:46:00.002-05:00

So . . .

You know when you are at the dentist and they are cleaning your teeth and they stab your gums repeatedly with that tiny knife utensil thing? Why then do they ask about your gums bleeding? "Ummm . . . you just went all Freddy Krueger on my face so . . . yeah."

Just sayin'.

Glass Half Full

2013-02-09T12:34:00.000-05:00

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

I saw this quote at the bottom of an email I received recently and it got me thinking. I am no stranger to the message of this citation. I've read The Secret and many self-help books that have a similar focus. I agree with it 100% and when put into practice, have seen this work in my life. Staying positive and rejecting the negative is hands down the way to go. If only it were that easy huh?

The thing is that ~~kinda~~ I believe it IS that easy. Much like you make a choice to brush your teeth every day, or go to the gym, or get dressed in the morning. Sometimes, I don't feel like doing any of those things but I do because I know it's the right thing. So is making the choice to be positive. It really is a choice.   I believe doing and thinking the right things will produce the kind of behavior that is an example to all. The universe bends to your mentality. This is not to say that if something goes wrong or you are having a hard time, you should walk around pretending to be happy and positive. Disingenuous people are just the worst. I believe it's important to be honest and live in truth. Sometimes, the truth is that today is a sh*t day. That's fine. However, staying there is not.

OK. So I can control my own thoughts and make a choice to be positive but what about the people around me? Their attitude and behaviors affect me and can easy affect how positive or negative I am feeling. There are joy-suckers everywhere. (Note: There is a very big difference between being negative and holding someone accountable for their actions. Just because it isn't easy or popular to hold up a mirror and call a spade a spade doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. But you can and should do it with compassion and kindness. Ya feel me?)   Moral of the story? Say bye bye to joy-suckers. Not. Worth it.

Life can throw you a curve ball, a person can let you down or speak unkindly about you, something may not go your way. It's how you respond to these difficult situations, the way in which you deal with moving forward and who you choose to give your time to that makes all the difference.

And a bottle of wine with a straw never hurts either.

xo

Confident Woman

2013-02-04T21:45:00.000-05:00

The show I am currently performing in, Encore! Broadway Favorites of the American Songbook, received its first review. The reviewer had a lot of great things to say about the company. Here's what she said about me . . .

". . . Compliments must be paid to individual performers for their work as vocalists and actors. A huge shout-out goes to Janine Mercandetti, who nailed “Bali Ha’i” from South Pacific and “Defying Gravity” from Wicked. The woman has a solid, strong voice and confident stage presence."

I share this not to boast. Cause lord knows a review is just one person's opinion and can go any which way. (Although I am very thankful of her praise and that she enjoyed my work.) I share it because as I read this paragraph, two words popped out at me and smacked me in the face. They are "confident" and "woman".
Let's start with woman.

Woman. When the hell did I become a woman? I am in my early thirties so of course I am woman. But I'm fairly certain this is the first time I have ever seen that word in relation to me in print. When I read the words "The woman", I simultaneously laughed out loud and barfed in my mouth. I am a woman. I am an adult. I don't know when or how it happened but I am no longer a young-adult or a young-woman. I am a straight up no holds barred wo-man. Sweet. It makes me feel old and grounded all at the same time.

Confident. Yes. I am quite comfortable onstage. It's my home away from home. Yet the word "confident" struck me because there was a time when, although I'd still march my ~~ass~~ butt out there, I used to visibly shake for the entire first act of opening night of any show. It doesn't happen anymore. I think I'll always get butterflies on opening night. Truth be told I believe a little nervous energy can elevate my work in many ways. However, lately I am not petrified. I walk out there dropped in and ready to share and dialogue with an audience. I have learned to use the jitters to be better. They don't inhibit and paralyze me like they once did. I am fully confident. Huh. Did this happen when I became a woman?

Awesomeness.

xo

Scrambled Eggs

2013-01-29T22:54:00.000-05:00

WARNING! This post is a mash-up of thoughts. Please excuse the disjointedness of it all. I just got home from rehearsal and scrambled eggs is the best I've got.

Ok . . . ~~I'm sorry, but~~ this is just too good not to share. If you saw the disaster that was the Les Misérables movie, you will truly appreciate this. (Seriously, that movie put the miserable in Les Misérables.) There was such a clear distinction in talent between the movie stars and the seasoned stage artists. To add insult to injury, the fact that Ms. Hathaway's mediocrity will likely be rewarded with an academy award is straight up sad. The girl in the video below is far more skilled and dropped in. I'd give it to her. This is too funny and too accurate. Thanks to my friend for sharing with me today. It made me laugh. Hard. So now I share it with you with the hope that you will laugh hard too. Enjoy!

❤

Sometimes, you just have to enjoy the view. I love this painting. Saw it on facebook. Isn't it stunning?

❤

Have you tried the hair wand? Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like a curling iron's first cousin. It comes with a special glove that you put on your non-curling hand and you wrap your hair around it instead of clamping it in between the medal rods like you would a curling iron. It makes the most gorgeous ringlets in your hair. I'm obsessed. I'm guessing I'm way behind on this one. Oh well. Thought I'd share anyways 'cause of its awesomeness. Hugs.

Change

2013-01-27T22:19:00.002-05:00

An excerpt from "Sunday Morning" from the musical Caroline or Change.

I never see you so sad.
We known each other all these years.
Caroline, my heart bleed for you,
but folk can’t just surrender to their fears.
I know it hurt to change.
It actually hurts, learning something new,
and when you full-grown, it’s harder, that’s true—
it feel like you got to break yourself apart,
it feel like you got to break your own heart,
but folk do it. They do.
Every day, all the time,
alone, afraid, folks like you.
You got to let go of where you been.
You got to move one from the place you’re in.
Don’t drown in that basement. Change or sink.
Let go, forget, move on.

xo

Be Happy

2013-01-24T23:14:00.000-05:00

This just speaks to me.

So does this.

Goodnight.
xo

Shades of Grey: Life Edition

2013-01-22T22:50:00.001-05:00

I'm a control freak. Fine. It's true.

So what if I am constantly making lists because a.) seeing tasks organized on paper makes me feel sane and b.) the satisfaction I get from crossing off said tasks when they are completed makes me feel downright giddy? So. What. I am a planner. I like to have my ducks in a row. I will not apologize.

However . . .

As a trained actor, it has been drilled into my head how important it is to live in the moment on stage. Only then can we create in truth and be open and responding to the organic actions happening in the now. I get it. Duh. The planning mindset is the antithesis of what actors are taught to work from. The moral of the story? I have come to realize that I need to work on living and, perhaps more importantly, enjoying life right now in this very moment. Truth is, I can waste hours of my time thinking about something that may or may not happen 3 months from now. So, I'm sort of baffled by how easy it is for me to "live in the moment" while I'm performing but by what a complete rock head I am when I try and apply this principle to my life. I suck at it.

This is particularly arduous now because losing my Mom has thrown off my entire world. My "now" is a grey area. I've been told by many people that living in the grey is a healthy and normal part of life. It's something we all must learn to do. But I don't want to. Yet here I am, in the grey area. Great. I know that staying open to what the world brings me is a good thing. But balls on a stick is it a hard thing for type A peeps like me to do.

My solution? I am quite purposely standing still for the year. I am making a conscious effort to weed out the people, aka "energy suckers", and things around me that I believe don't have my best interest at heart or make me feel joy. Although, even this I am doing cautiously as I don't believe making drastic changes right now is smart. One of the many ~~effing~~ joys of the grieving process is that your emotions are literally all over the place. One day, you can be blissful and the next day, raging mad. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was losing my marbles. (Thanks God there are people and books out there that let me know this is totally normal and to be expected.) I digress. So, other than working on surrounding myself with only the people that feed my soul and activities that make my heart dance, I'm just trying to be still. I'm working towards taking life as it comes in an effort to enjoy today more and be receptive to whatever the universe brings my way. It's a new normal for me. I'm not there yet. But lord knows, I'm working on it.

xo

Coffee for President

2013-01-17T14:04:00.002-05:00

Hello, there. I've decided to delete my Project Me page. Why? It's very simple. Who cares?

I will continue to work on Project Me but I see no need to bore you with the nitty gritty details of whether or not I drank 8-10 glasses of water every day for a month. Ya feel me? I think you do.

I will continue to share my progress here as I continue to progress! The good news? I really am progressing. I made a very tough decision to not audition for a production of Funny Girl in order to be sure I have the time to get myself in check. I know, I know. What actress in her right mind would pass up the chance to be Fanny Brice? Well, remember how in this post and in this post I talked about taking a breather in the now to reap the benefits for the long haul? There ya go. I have oficially started my mini me-cation. No worries, it's not for long. I was sad to pass up this chance but timing is everything. Unfortunately, this is how it worked out. It's for the best in the end and I'm at peace with it.

I have been reflecting a lot lately on how much I hate social media. Which I realize is a complete contradiction and hypocrisy since I have a website, this blog, a facebook page, a twitter account and a pinterest page. So let me clarify. I love that I am able to advocate for my performance work through an exclusive website which I have created to market myself. I get work from it all the time. Awesome. It's an excellent and convenient resource to promote and further my career.

Along those lines, this blog has ignited a passion for writing that I never knew I had. I look forward to sharing my sass with you when I have something to say. It fulfills my creative passion in a new way. I love it.

My issue with social media and the internet is that now more than ever, it’s so much easier to compare yourself with the girl next to you instead of focusing on and celebrating that which makes you, uniquely you. I have also noticed an increase in the level of adult bullying. I am appalled at that way people go at each other on facebook over hot topic issues. Yes, I think it’s important to believe in something and stand behind your convictions. But must we be so vicious with each other? Can’t we have a conversation with opposing views in a respectful and mature way?

Social media is great for keeping connected, expressing creativity and promoting and growing a business, to name a few. I am just so saddened lately by the lack of humanity and compassion that seems to also be growing out of it as well.

Well, this post took a sharp turn to the left. I guess that’s my brain this morning. More coffee should do the trick. Coffee is the answer to most things, did you know? Next election, I’m voting coffee for president. Who can argue with that? Never mind . . .

xo

My 10 Commandments

2013-01-12T22:06:00.003-05:00

My 10 11 Commandments. In no particular order.

Think positively.

Thoughts affect actions which affects the outcome.

Honor myself - mind, body and spirit

Self-love is the starting point of all things good.

Forgive.

Learn. Let it go.

Be accountable.

Integrity is a choice.

Be organized.
Order is sanity.

Live for today.

Life is full of surprises. Appreciate the now.

Be yourself.

Everyone else is taken, after all.

Take risks.

You never know if you never try.

Be grateful.

There is always something.

Give.

It's the ultimate reward.

Enjoy!

Do what you love. Have fun. Have passion. ~~Have wine.~~ It's good for you.

xo

For the Love of Faves

2013-01-09T09:36:00.000-05:00

Downton Abbey

It's Wednesday. Can ya feel it? I sure can. Here are some faves I've been meaning to share that will perhaps help to keep you moving through hump day. Especially number one . . .

I read the 50 Shades of Grey series. Yes, it's porn, but it also has an engaging plot. I was literally speed reading during parts of all three books. I read all three of them in less than 10 days. The syntax and composition is a little trite and amateur. However, if you are looking for a racy, fast paced and purely fun read then I highly recommend these! I'm not ashamed or embarassed to say that I'm glad I took the plunge and jumped on this bandwagon.

I aquired my Mom's Kindle and I love it. Why I never bought one of my own when they came out, I shall never understand. I purchased this super cute cover for it. I am not a fan of Vera purses per say, but I do really enjoy and am quite addicted to her accessories. This cover it perfect!

Speaking of cases, I bought this case for my iPad mini. I'm obsessed. It's so cute and functional. Better than a lot of the more expensive cases out there.

Friends of mine introduced me to Breuster's ice cream. In my neck of the woods, Abbott's has always reigned supreme. I fear she has been dethroned. This ice cream is made fresh everyday in the store. They have over 20 different delictable favorites AND you get double the amount for half the price. My soul is happy. My thighs are not.

Downton Abbey. Do yourself a favor and watch it. It's exceptional. Both season one and two are out on DVD so you can get your crack fix in over a weekend. Season three is online if you're sneaky. Pure brilliance.

Happy Wednesday! May we all have lots and lots of coffee.

No, Thank You

2013-01-04T21:46:00.002-05:00

I bet she says no all the time . . .

From as far back as I can remember, I have been a social butterfly. There's no deep reason for this. I like people.

Since I have declared 2013 a year to focus on me, (see my last post), and as I'm trying to be more self-protective, I am learning that part of taking care of me involves saying no.

The truth? I suck at it. Ugh.

Here's my conundrum . . . how the hell do I say no and not feel badly about it? I don't know why, but I feel this overwhelming pang of guilt whenever someone calls and I don't call back right away, or if someone asks me to do something and I don't go. Usually, I just go and then spend the whole time wishing I had said no. I am a people pleaser. Now, thanks to texting, smartphones, iPads and social media it's even easier to be tracked down and harder to take the space you need to just be with yourself and say no. It's a world of instant gratification where we come to expect people to return our messages or texts within a minute. I admit it, I am guilty of this too. I truly admire those who can let their phone go to voice mail and not worry about it until the next day without a second thought. Boundaries are awesome. I need them.

Time is precious. The older I get, the more I am learning the fact that tomorrow is not a guarantee. If there is something I really don't feel like doing, it's about time that I don't. To my credit, I have been putting my foot down more and more. What I am realizing is that taking the space for me is really about my self-worth. I am finally believing that I am worthy of my own time. More so than anyone else. Saying no is freeing.

I suspect, like most things in life, this too is a balancing act. Sometimes you have to do the things you just don't feel like doing in order to honor your word or for countless other viable reasons. I get that. But from now on, I am making the effort to be selective with the people I spend my time with, the projects I work on and the events I commit to. I think it will make a world of difference. The people that matter will understand. The people who can't understand, probably don't matter. (At least that what Dr. Seuss always says.)

Right now, I need the time to take care of and focus on my mental, physical and spiritual health. I can't help but feel proud of myself for recognizing my current state of being and making some difficult decisions in the interest of what will be best for me in the long run. A year from now, I suspect it will be worth sacrificing the now to reap the benefits for the long haul.

This "no business" is a work in progress. Thanks for getting it.

Happiness for 2013

2013-01-01T16:05:00.002-05:00

With two of my besties. Happiness.

Well folks, it's 2013. Happy New Year! I hope everyone ended 2012 in a way that made them smile. I finished out the year at one of my besties weddings, (see pic above), and then on stage singing and dancing. It was a fabulous end to a mostly crap year.

Like many of you, when I think about a new year, I can't help but look ahead to the promise of new beginnings and the endless possibilities that lay ahead. I ~~mostly~~ made a decision at the end of last year, aka yesterday, and I think I'm ready to put it out there. I've come to realize that I have spent the greater part of of my life doing things for others and in doing so, have sacrificed much of my own happiness. How can I give to others when I have nothing for myself? I can't. I want to keep on giving to my friends, family and community but I simply can't do that without taking care of me first. So this year, I'm focusing on myself. 2013 is officially the "Year of Me".

I've been through a lot this past year. In an effort to cope, I dove face first into my art. I did 5 shows in 4 months. Holy ballz. I am now ready to take a breath and focus on my physical, mental and spiritual health. This by no means means I am taking the year off from performing. My art is my soul food and I am always hungry. Nor does this mean I am setting out to become a self-centered biotch. (For what I am not looking to accomplish, read this post.) What it does mean is that I will be focusing on the following:

Saying yes to only the projects, people, events and tasks that I want to be involved with.
Valuing my needs and time first above those around me. (This will be hard. But damn it, I'm determined!) On a regular basis, I am guilty of saying yes to things for fear of hurting someones feelings. Time is valuable. So it's time I start giving of my time only when it makes sense.
Taking risks.
Create. Create. Create.
Accomplishing the goals I set out for myself so that I may be truly happy and healthy. This will allow me to give back to the world around me and be fully present for those in my life now and in the future.

Moral of the story? I need to find my happiness so I have something to offer the people and community around me. Period. SO . . . Project Me starts on Monday! I have added a page to this blog to keep me honest. Plus, I feel like sharing my journey helps keep it all in perspective and gives back to the world in its own way.

Here's to an extraordinary 2013 full of new beginnings, happiness, creativity, dear friends and family, good memories, health and lots of laughter. Happy New Year to all!

❤

Bah Humbug

2012-12-20T15:32:00.001-05:00

I have sat down so many times to write something here, but always find myself staring blankly at the screen thinking about coffee or sleep. Since I've literally had not a single day off this past month and my brain is fried, coffee and sleep are all I can seemingly process. So as I sit here today, still dreaming of coffee and sleep, I suppose I will share the only other thing that has been on mind the lately but hasn't yet found its way to this page yet . . . until now.

I can't wait for this year and the holidays to be over. I'm not gonna lie, it can't come fast enough. Bah Humbug, right? Well, I have good reason.

My Mom was Christmas. Period. It just doesn’t feel like there is much to celebrate without her. I know that we must begin to make new traditions, and we will. I know that I must honor my Mom’s life by living mine to the fullest. I need to be happy and live on in a way that makes her proud. I am doing that to the best of my ability. But this year of firsts is the worst. And to be blunt, Christmas feels like the icing on the shit storm cake. Cause I didn’t think I’d be bringing Christmas décor to a cemetery. (Pretty though, huh?)

I make it an effort in my life to be as positive as I can be. But sometimes, you have to call a spade a spade. And although I have had many blessings throughout this year, 2012 just sucked balls. Because it will always and forever be the year my Mom died. Yes, I have had creative projects out the wazoo, (thank you God), and have some stability in my life for the first time in a long time, (can I get an amen?), but it all just pales to the fact that this is the year that has forever changed the course of the rest of my life. Losing my Mom is the defining moment. It always will be.

Losing my Mom has caused me to reflect about "things" more than ever before. What have I come up with? That life is not about things. I realize I am not the first person to think this thought. However, after living through what I have, I understand that sentiment in a way I never could have until now. We are spoon fed daily how important it is to have the latest toy, or drive the coolest car or buy the most expensive bag. Of course, I love me a gorgeous hand bag but at the end of the day, it doesn’t mean poop. It's so easy to get sucked into the proverbial status bubble that our media, social media, society and world at large shoves down our throats daily. It's a false sense of self and reality.

Sour Kangaroo in Seussical: The Musical

Life is about people and relationships. About making a positive difference in the life of those you come into contact with. One of my favorite things about my art is that I can do this on a much larger scale. The day after the horrific school shootings in CT, I had to do a performance of Seussical for over 900 kids and their parents. It was so wonderful to be able to provide a couple of hours of escape for these families and to give a parent and a child a happy evening and memory in the wake of such tragedy. This is what is important. Lifting people up in the lowest of times.

In so many ways, that is what my theatre family has done for me. My art has saved my sanity these past few months and helped to lift me up out of the lowest of times. To be able to create has been the best way to keep me moving forward. That and the amazing friends and family I have in my life. I know all too well what a rare gem a true and loyal friend is. I am thankful for the gems in my world. Plus, my Dad is the most exceptional man I know. Both my brother and father are amazing.

It’s weird to think that 2013 is a year that my Mom will never know. But it’s a reality. I have big plans for the next year. And you can bet, I will be making my Mama proud.

Although, rumor has it that’s it’s the end of the world tomorrow. And I feel fine . . . Heh.

I need a glass of wine. See you next year peeps!

P.S. I feel it necessary to mention that my eyes are glazed over. I acknowledge and accept that several of these sentences are likely grammatically incorrect. I don't care. I don't have it in me to proof read today. Hugs.

Sup?

2012-11-30T18:20:00.004-05:00

Hi there. It's been awhile. How are you?

Me? I've been crazed. Thanks for asking.

When we last chatted, I was in the thick of Melanie and the Record Man. I have been going non-stop since. The show was an AMAZING experience and a huge success. It was one of the most artistically fulfilling productions of my career to date. There was actually a performance where we received three standing ovations throughout and at the end the entire company and audience sat in silence and cried together. I wish there were words to accurately articulate the once in a lifetime moments of it all, but I am at a loss. Some good news? We have made the original cast album! I will let you know when it's on sale. You can purchase show posters, sweatshirts and the 20 page full color production booklet here. The other good news? I don't think it's over yet . . .

I am currently in rehearsal for three, yes you heard me correctly - three, shows at the moment. One of which I am also choreographing. I literally have a color coded calendar print out of my life for the next 25 days. It's the only way I can keep it all straight. I'm not complaining. Yet. Here's the lowdown:

Seussical: The Musical

This one wasn't planned. A couple of days ago, I was asked to step into the role of the "Sour Kangaroo" when the person originally cast had to part ways with the production. You'd think I would have said, "No. I'm too busy." But, I'm a rock head. I also love what I do, love getting paid to do what I do and this production has a couple of my besties in it. SO . . . I'm in! This show is adorable. I love the music. I basically walk onstage a couple of times, belt my face off, and leave. We open December 8th! Show info here.

An Evening of Andrew Lloyd Webber

I know, I know. Every musical theatre snob on the planet thinks that Webber is crap. I disagree. Yes, some of it can be crap; however, a lot of it isn't. I am playing "The Narrator" in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, "Evita" in Evita and "Mary Magdalene" in Jesus Christ Superstar. I am also elated to be choreographing the production. The other night we were working on the waltz section of "Masquarade" from Phantom and I was so impressed by what my cast mates were doing. It's a whole 'nother high seeing your choreography come to life. I am loving this project. Come ring in the New Year with us! Show info here.

Encore! Broadway Favorites from the American Songbook

I start working on this one this weekend! Featuring favorites from Rodgers and Hammerstein, Irving Berlin, Jerome Kern, Leonard Bernstein, Rogers and Hart, George and Ira Gershwin, Lerner and Loewe, Stephen Sondheim and more, the "best of the best" are celebrated in this 10th installment of Linda and Sandy Foster's Jewish-American composer series. Can't wait! Show info here.

There you have it. In a way, I am happy to be overwhelmingly busy because then I don't have to deal with the holidays this year as much. It should come as no surprise that I am not looking forward to them at all. I'm thankful for the distractions.

So, that's that. More later. I promise. I'm running out the door to rehearsal! Which one? I will have to consult my color coded calendar of life and get back to you. Bye for now!

Awesome Sauce

2012-10-07T16:24:00.002-04:00

Let me be blunt. Melanie and the Record Man at Blackfriars Theatre is a show not to be missed. I can say with complete certainty that this original production is something quite special. We have a few rehearsals under our belt and I am pumped!

I wanted to share this post from Melanie's blog about our show. It's amazing.

So my dear ones, it’s a musical ~ it’s my life. Jack says its “Elaine Stritch at Liberty” meets “Jersey Boys.” For me, its “All That Jazz” meets “Hair” in the not too distant future ~ say when your kids are grown or your kid’s kids are grown. Beau is doing the music direction. There are brilliant voices. He’s so buzzed he didn’t sleep last night – he worked all through. All I want is for the songs to exist. So many, never heard. I just want them to live and I want to be alive to see and hear it.
I’m feeling that thing ~ I hear Peter saying “Melanie, you don’t know who you are”
and I answer
“Yes I do, Peter.
I do.”

Love,
Melanie

Also, check out this partial cut of "Close To It All" from our rehearsal the other night!

I am usually very proud of all the shows I work on. But there it something quite magical about being a part of a production from its inception. And it's not every day you get to work with and learn from someone who says, "When I was at Carnegie Hall performing with John Lennon . . ."

This experience is bringing some much needed joy into my world. I am growing as an artist and I am thankful and inspired.

Come see Melanie and the Record Man. I have a feeling you'll be inspired too.

First read-through with the company of Melanie and the Record Man.

Melanie Madness

2012-09-24T11:10:00.000-04:00

Rehearsals for Melanie and the Record Man begin in less than a week! I thought I would write a little something about this production now knowing full well that once we begin, I will likely go MIA. The next four weeks are going to be nothing but a big ball of craziness. We have less than three weeks to rehearse before we debut this original musical. Needless to say, I will have no life for the month of October. (And I'm OK with that.)

I met Melanie about a month ago when she and her son Beau were in town to work on the script. Ms. Safka was incredibly nice and non-pretentious. Like a good little actress, I have been researching her music in preparation for my work on this production. I'm looking forward to working on this with her and our cast of very accomplished artists. Should be one heck of a ride.

For those of you who aren't familiar with what the show is about, here is a page from the Melanie press kit about the origin of the Melanie and the Record Man:

In the summer of 2010, John Haldoupis, Artistic Director of Blackfriars Theatre, Rochester, NY, was revisiting his long held dream about a musical review celebrating the works of Melanie Safka, the folk singer songwriter legend of Woodstock and favorite recording star from his youth. He kept thinking about how a show might work if it were the story of Melanie's life told through her song catalogue.

The phone call that started the process

Then he got a phone call from Broadway star and Blackfriars alumna Nicolette Hart who was in town visiting her parents. “I have always loved Nicolette's belt voice and its unique earthy quality”, he said. Could someone like Nicolette become "Melanie” he wondered.

But how would he reach out to Melanie with this idea?

“I decided I would try to contact Melanie via her website. Here was a way

- just type in your message and hit send - easy!” he explained. However there was no response from Melanie or her people.

News of Peter’s death changed things

Then one day there was a new Tale from the Roadburn Cafe - Melanie's online blog to her fans, stating this will be the last one for a while. Peter Schekeryk, her husband and record producer and father of her three children passed away in a Best Buy store - his last remarks to a clerk from whom he was buying a new cell phone was “It was Melanie…”

“I turned off the computer and cried”, Haldoupis said.

The light bulb over his head went on and the play came into focus

Here was the story, he now saw. Not the story of Melanie. Not a review of her greatest hits. It was the story of Peter and Melanie. This would be a show about a record producer who fell for the girl with the guitar and who forged a life together against great odds and major successes.

Finally getting his new concept to Melanie

With renewed enthusiasm and a clear vision, Haldoupis worked to find a way to bring his idea to Melanie. Haldoupis shared his vision with some Melanie fans via an email journey that took him to England and back and resulted with an email from Leilah Hayman, Melanie's first born daughter asking him more about what he had in mind. Her mom had just started writing a book about Peter and they were talking about how it should maybe be

a musical. “I took a deep breath and told her about how much her mother's music had always moved me, and my concept of the show being about Peter and Melanie, and not just some show about her big hits and roller skates” he told her.

Leilah wrote back and said she was very much moved and would talk to her mom who was on tour in Europe and thought she might call me when she got back to the states.

No word for a few months and then…

He got another email from Leilah saying her mother wanted to talk with him. The next day came the call - "Hi, this is Melanie''.

“Amazingly I somehow held it together -- we talked for almost an hour” Haldoupis recalls. “I outlined the plan for the musical and she gave me her personal email and cell phone number - stopping mid-sentence to say, 'I don't even know you ... but I feel this is something I should do ... and everything that has happened in my life has been done this way. Please let’s talk again. Goodbye. '”

And so began a friendship.

Pretty cool, huh? You can get your tickets here! Also, Melanie was interviewed for the Huffington Post and the article discusses her career and our show. Check it out!

I hope to find a minute to update everyone on what is happening with the production. But if you don't hear from me until November, don't be surprised. I'll likely be tweeting fun updates about the show since it's a much faster means of communicating during this busy time. I may write about it on my website too. So check those spots if you are so inclined.

Other than that, I am pumped for Fall. Pumpkin spice lattes (my fave), sweater's, sweatpants and lots of good books are all in my future, (if I can find the time to actually sit down and read). I suspect I will be falling face first into my bed for most of the next month but am hopeful to find an hour here and there to enjoy the aforementioned loves of my Fall life.

Oh . . . and you have one more weekend to see [title of show]! It's a fun one.

Hugs.

The Story Goes On

2012-09-19T18:30:00.000-04:00

It's no secret that I am in the thick of one of the most difficult times of my life. I am still in the process of navigating this unknown road of living life without my best friend and mentor, my Mom. I know it will be a long time before life feels normal again . . . whatever that is. Right after we lost her, I remember the overwhelming feeling of wondering if I could ever be happy again? Could I ever laugh again? Could I ever find true joy in the days and years to come knowing that there are so many things I now have to experience and learn without her? Could I ever perform again knowing she won't be there? I am, and forever will be, a different person because of what I have lived through.

I am making it my business to live a life that honors her memory. I am learning that one of the ways to do that is to continue to do what I love. As you know from my last post, [title of show] opened last weekend. I am thankful that the first show I am doing after losing my Mom is a comedy. Because I am actually laughing. I am actually smiling. I am the most alive and the most free from the unbearable sadness that comes with her loss when I am working on my art.

It's weird to know and hard to process that my Mom won't ever again be sitting in the front row of the theatre, beaming with pride like she always has been since I was 3 years old and danced my first dance recital. But, I know she is with me in all that do I still, even now. And it makes my heart feel a little less heavy to know that she is watching over me every night from the best seat in the house. She was a singer and an artist too, and somehow, I feel even more connected to her now when I am performing than I ever have before. Coming to my shows and watching me perform brought her so much joy. So it feels like she is happy and proud that I am not taking time off or hiding in my immense grief. But instead, using it and allowing her to help me rise even higher in her memory every time I step onstage.

I shared this photo on facebook over the summer. Since I took a break from blogging, I never posted it here. It feels right and appropriate to mention it now in this post. This is a picture of my Mom's favorite lilac bush in the backyard. Lilac's don't bloom this time of year. This single flower sprouted up at the end of July out of no where.

Looks like our stories really do go on . . . in more ways than one.

Thanks Ma.

Firsts

2012-09-17T20:48:00.006-04:00

I haven't written here in awhile. I've started a bunch of times but have always stopped or become disinterested. I guess having your Mom drop dead will do that to you.

I am slowly but surely figuring out how to navigate this new life I must lead. So far I have come up with one criteria for it: Live in a way that honors my Mom.

I've been told by several people that the first year is the worst. I believe it. I too have noticed that getting through this year and the many "firsts" is going to be the shittiest. First Christmas, First Mother's Day, First Birthday. . . the list goes on and on.

I made it through one of those firsts this past weekend. "First Opening Night Without Mom in the Audience." I have to say, on a scale of barely made it to rocked the house, I rocked the house. (WE rocked the house.) I cried before. I cried after. But the performer in me took over, and the minute I hit the stage, I delivered. (Meaning I didn't cry through the whole show like I thought I would . . . Amen for comedy and for my awesome show-mates.)

I posted about my opening on my website. We got a phenomenal review as well! I am thrilled and flattered by it. I thank God for my art. It lifts me up out of hard times and shows me how to keep moving forward with purpose.

And although I will probably never stop wishing that she could be there in person, I know my Mom will always be watching and cheering me on from the best seat in the house . . . whether I'm on stage or off.

The [title of show] Company