At one time you may have seen a momma duck crossing a field with its ducklings following behind. When they hatched from their eggs, the babies were imprinted with “this is my mom.” They follow her and learn from her. In many ways our children establish a similar link to us. They are neurologically programmed to pay attention to us. Our job is to nurture our children from infancy through childhood and that puts us in the unique position to teach them life lessons. As parents, we can use our child’s attachment, enthusiasm and interest to foster not only life skills and lessons, but also to instill them with a positive attitude towards learning. 

How do we communicate life-skills and turn them into successes for our children? We do this through everyday activities. Our children observe us and many times want to participate in the things we do. Hidden within these moments is the opportunity to impart values and skills that our children will carry with them through their lifetimes. Have you ever had a time when you were doing a household task – let’s say, watering the plants – and your child is watching you? You leave the room for a moment and when you come back, your child is watering the plants… along with the floor and the countertop and themselves! There is no doubt they had good intentions, they just don’t quite have the fine motor skills nor well directed age-appropriate steps to accomplish watering only the plants. Did the child do anything wrong? Absolutely not! In fact, he showed you he is interested in doing what you do. To him, your chore looked like his play. This is a wonderful time to make a connection with your child, teach a skill and convey the pleasure of doing the task. As a busy parent it can be tempting to react to seeing the water, “look what you have done- there is water everywhere!” But when we take a breath and focusing instead on the positive aspects of what has just occurred, our children gain in many ways and so do we. Our children are letting us know what their interests are and by appreciating that it lets them know you value them. By teaching your child to do a task, you are helping him feel that he, too, can contribute to the family. Your child will delight in being recognized for helping, some would say he’ll feel honored. Even if you are rushed, taking that moment to acknowledge your child’s participation and effort will pay big dividends in the future. 

With this in mind let me offer you some tips: 

• Notice and acknowledge your child’s interest in what you are doing; 
• Invite your child to participate; 
• Make the time; schedule the time to do tasks or chores together; this investment in time is key to stimulating a child’s desire to contribute within family, which fosters family cooperation and often extends to the outside world. If there is not time immediately, set a “date” to do it. Put the time on the calendar and let your child see you doing this. 
• Encourage your child first to foster a good work ethic; small corrections should be linked to the learning process with positive reinforcement. 
• Sometimes just watching is not enough. What is routine for us, can be complex for a child. Break down tasks into smaller, learnable steps that are manageable for the child to nurture success. Getting the job done perfectly is not necessarily the primary goal. By working and learning together and acknowledging each success (no matter how small), you will not only provide your child with a desire to keep participating in household life-skill tasks, but you’ll also be reinforcing their overall willingness to try new things and to learn, even when it is something that doesn’t come easily. 

Keep in mind that it is about sharing – sharing the time, sharing the interests, sharing the moments together. We may not remember the ups and downs of when we were learning how to achieve even the smallest of tasks. But we were shaped by the time and focus given to us by our own parents during these early years of our lives. Ultimately, you are helping your children, your little ducklings, gain self-confidence and grow into self-reliant, accomplished people who will be able to make it on their own when it is time for them to stop waddling along behind you. 

Myra Strassler, LCSW-C, is a Therapist at Jewish Community Services. 

JCS provides a broad range of services that meet the diverse, multi-dimensional needs of individuals and families throughout Central Maryland.  We offer guidance and support when you are seeking solutions for emotional well-being, aging and caregiving, parenting, job seeking, employers and businesses, achieving financial stability, living with special needs, and preventing risky behaviors. To learn more, please visit  jcsbalt.org or call 410-466-9200.    

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We all know the importance of self-esteem. Without it, we fear children will make unhealthy decisions, shy away from learning and trying new things, and never reach their maximum potential. 

Now more than ever, with children spending much of their day on their own, it’s essential that they learn to tap into internal resources to gain the coping skills necessary to help them feel good about themselves. 

How do we try to encourage self-esteem? For many of us, we praise our children whenever possible. We also tend to minimize situations that might cause negative feelings that diminish how they feel about themselves. Often, we are the ones trying to protect our child’s feelings. 

As parents, we always want to be supportive and therefore use any opportunity to help our children feel good about themselves. How much more valuable and impactful can it be, however, when a child looks inside himself to recognize his own self-worth?  Self-esteem can determine how we approach life, both its positives and its setbacks, at any age. Helping our child develop the coping skills to be resilient in the throes of challenging situations is a key to building self-esteem. If a child grows up relying solely on what others say to and about him, he may struggle with maintaining his self-esteem when no one else is around. 

It’s a given that we don’t want our children to hurt or be hurt by others. But are we doing them a disservice by stepping in to eradicate the problems they are facing, by ignoring their ability to handle difficult situations?  Are we being respectful of their potential growth by immediately fixing what we perceive as being wrong for them, or removing them from a situation that is painful?  If we do these things even with the best of intentions, will our child feel equipped to reach inside himself for solutions? 

One of the prevention education programs offered by Jewish Community Services encourages children to look inside themselves to recognize what makes them valuable, valued and worthy. In other words, what will provide them with the self-esteem needed to grow and realize their potential. “You Matter, Too!” is based on the book Zero by Kathryn Otoshi. Geared to children in grades 1 – 3, “You Matter, Too” helps children look inward to find their value and discover that, like everyone else, they matter. 

For parents, here are some other ways to encourage self-esteem in your children: 

• When praising or criticizing your child, refer to the behavior not the child.  Instead of saying, “You are such a good little boy” say “I like the way you cleaned up your toys.” 
   
• Guide your children.  Be there to help them acknowledge, direct and redirect their energy and to understand and express their feelings. Keep a list of “feeling words” such as frustrated, patient, eager, lonely, etc. on the refrigerator to help your child do this. This may also encourage your children to acknowledge the feelings of others. 
   
• Every child is good at something. If your child is not athletic, place him/her in competitive activities where skills other than physical ones are recognized. Even if your child doesn’t excel, allow him/her to participate and enjoy the experience. 
   
• Remember that you are separate from your children. Let go of the responsibility for all of your children’s feelings or the outcomes of their decisions. We may want to encourage the successes and discourage the failures, but their successes or failures are theirs, not yours.  

According to Maimonides, the highest form of tzedekah is to help someone learn a trade or skill so they can sustain themselves on their own. This doesn’t mean that our children won’t need our help and guidance to sustain themselves, but it does mean that they will have a far greater chance of growing into functioning adults if they can look inside themselves for the self-esteem necessary to appreciate the “ups” and bounce back from the “downs.” 

It always feels good to hear someone else praise us, to point out how valuable and valued we are. How much more important it is, however, to learn our own self- worth and truly believe in who we are and what we can accomplish. 

Susan Kurlander, M. Ed., is a Health Educator at Jewish Community Services. 

JCS provides a broad range of services that meet the diverse, multi-dimensional needs of individuals and families throughout Central Maryland.  We offer guidance and support when you are seeking solutions for emotional well-being, aging and caregiving, parenting, job seeking, employers and businesses, achieving financial stability, living with special needs, and preventing risky behaviors. To learn more, please visit  jcsbalt.org or call 410-466-9200.   

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“Would you like to read a book before bedtime or would you rather just go straight to bed without a book?” This question appears to be unnecessary because nine times out of ten, your child will always pick the “book” option. But the implications behind giving a choice for the simplest decisions can have a significant impact throughout a child’s development. Children need to feel in control as much as adults do and being able to make decisions at a young age can promote healthy decision making in the future.

It’s especially important because children often hear all about what they can’t do:

• “No, you cannot read at the dinner table.”
• “Don’t carry more than one china plate at a time.”
• “You are not allowed to go outside by yourself.”

Setting boundaries for your children is crucial for their safety and growth. The line can become blurred when parents make too many everyday life decisions for the younger set. At that point, it becomes more about parents making choices for their children instead of allowing children to make decisions for themselves.

One thing to keep in mind is follow through. Consider this scenario:  A parent or adult offers two different choices, the child chooses Option A, yet the parent or adult might still go with Option B. This is not a good idea because it can discourage growth and autonomy, and can also become a violation of trust.  If you are genuinely offering a choice, make sure to respect what your child has chosen.

Here are some suggestions for introducing choices:

• Pick the right situation.  A great and healthy option for promoting decision making skills is during playtime. The choices you can present during this time will most likely be safe and innocent. Offering the option of playing with a fire engine or a stuffed animal will be good practice for you and your child to start getting used to making decisions together. This is also an opportunity to gain further insight into your child’s personality, and that can lead to building a stronger relationship and better understanding of one another.
• Be age appropriate. Keeping choices simple and concise will yield better results. Asking a three year old to choose between living in two different cities probably wouldn’t work out so well.
• Control the situation.  Use a technique called “stacking the deck,” which means offering two options that have outcomes you can live with.  For example, when it comes to selecting an outfit for the day, let your child pick between two outfits that already have your approval.  This is a win-win because you’re fine with either choice and your child feels like the decision maker.

Offering choices to children can help them develop the confidence to make decisions even when they are outside the home. You won’t always be around to help, so teaching them to develop those skills at home will pay dividends for your child’s future development.

Ben Barer, LCSW-C, is a Therapist at Jewish Community Services

Because children don’t come with an instruction manual, Jewish Community Services offers a variety of programs, services, and supports for parents and families with children of all ages. Learn more at jcsbalt.org or call 410-466-9200. 

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Did you hear about a 2015 New York Times essay titled, “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This?” Based on a research study to test if specific questions and conversations might create and deepen a sense of intimacy between 2 people, Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love piece lists the 36 questions to foster closeness. They are interesting questions, but I don’t think I’d go through the experience with just anyone! There needs to be some level of trust between you because the questions focus on exposing our vulnerability as a means to become closer. 

I realized I’ve used a form of at least one of the questions for years in my work with couples and in thinking about my own life. Question 10: “If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”  Sometimes I will add, “What qualities and activities that you experienced in your family as a child are important to you and you want to bring to the family you establish?” 

Sometimes we do not even realize what we valued or wanted to change about our families, but they could still be affecting our decisions and behaviors. My childhood fantasy was that someday a King and Queen who were my real parents would come to get me, and I could finish growing up as a Princess. I knew they would let me have anything I wanted and never say “No” like my parents sometimes did. It seemed perfect…from a child’s perspective. 

We all know as adults that living a life where parents never set limits, have no rules, and allow us “to get everything I ever wanted” might not turn out so well—for any of us. But the child’s view is simple, and children know nothing of long-term consequences. And we’ve learned through the media lately that being Royal does not seem to make people happy anyway! 

It really helps us be better parents to think about our own childhoods. How are they affecting our methods of parenting?  One client described feeling that her parents were too busy and distracted by problems to provide much guidance. She also felt that they were critical and judgmental. In therapy she realized that she felt so worn out as a parent now because she was working so hard to parent in the exact opposite way that her parents had. She was always present, always attending to a child’s needs, and truly a “helicopter parent.” It was exhausting. Had it been the right choice? 

In her reaction to her childhood she saw things as black and white, as if there were only 2 choices. Either she repeated her parents’ mistakes, or she went entirely the other direction. Because she was still being reactive, she didn’t even think to look at other choices for parenting style. Might there not be something more in the middle where children’s needs were met without sacrificing a mother’s? Where children felt supported but could learn self-reliance?  Where they knew they were loved but were also resilient and not over-protected? 

When we do not think things through, we often act on our reactive feelings. Our awareness of thoughts and feelings about the parenting style from childhood and the ways it affected us can help us make more rational choices. Choices that could be better for both the child and the parent. Unexamined, those thoughts and feelings may lead to choices that we also did not examine. I think of change as a pendulum that sometimes swings too wildly and too far in trying to be different.  

We can’t keep our childhood’s simple views of what makes a happy family or a happy child. While we may be very clear about the consequences of our parents’ choices, we also need to carefully think of the consequences of our own choices. And not just for the sake of the kids, but for ourselves, too. 

By Karen James, LCSW-C, JCS Adult Therapy Team 

JCS provides a broad range of services that meet the diverse, multi-dimensional needs of individuals and families throughout Central Maryland.  We offer guidance and support when you are seeking solutions for emotional well-being, aging and caregiving, parenting, job seeking, employers and businesses, achieving financial stability, living with special needs, and preventing risky behaviors. To learn more, please visit  jcsbalt.org or call 410-466-9200.   

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In 2017, Professor Robert Kelly became an overnight internet sensation when, in middle of discussing the impeachment of the South Korean president on BBC News, his children barged into his live television interview with little regard for anything but their desire to see their father. The interview went viral, and most of us laughed when we watched it, while slightly cringing and silently thanking our lucky stars that it didn’t happen to us.   

Fast forward to March 2020, and occurrences like the one above are considered a normal and expected part of our everyday life while we juggle working from home, maintaining a household, and managing our children’s various schedules and needs amid the COVID-19 outbreak. Being a parent is hard enough. Being an employee is hard enough. Being a parent and an employee at the same time, within the same space, is a juggling act that no one signed up for.  

As a therapist during the COVID-19 pandemic, I have continuously heard from parents how difficult it has been to care for their children’s physical, academic, social, and emotional needs, while also managing their own jobs, bosses, co-workers, and personal needs (although who has time to luxuriously drink a coffee these days?).  

Parents are feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, and burnt out, so it’s time we take a moment to remember a few key ideas: 

• Turn off the background noise. Whether the background noise is the constant chatter of the news and media, or it’s your social media accounts (where other parents are clearly doing it bigger and better than you), turn it off and allow yourself to be fully present in addressing your and your family’s needs. 

• Manage your expectations. No one can be expected to be the perfect (or even semi-perfect) parent, employee, partner, and friend at all times. Remember that “doing your best” looks very different right now than it has in the past. If that means your children miss their virtual cooking class via zoom, and your laundry pile is starting to block the doorway, so be it. 

• Practice empathy with yourself and your children. This is an unprecedented and unexpected time for all of us. We can all use an extra dose of empathy, kindness, and compassion. Remember to tell yourself how wonderful you are, just like “BBC Dad”, who has mastered the art of kids crashing meetings since 2017. You got this! 

Shula Levin is a child and adolescent therapist at Jewish Community Services. 

During this very challenging COVID-19 pandemic, please know that JCS professionals are available to help. If you need guidance, resources, or assistance, please call the JCS Access Line at 410-466-9200 or email info@jcsbaltimore.org. Staff are answering calls Monday-Thursday, 8:30 am-5:00 pm and Fridays, 8:30 am-3:00 pm. If you need guidance, resources, or assistance, please call the JCS Access Line at 410-466-9200 or email info@jcsbaltimore.org. Staff are answering calls Monday-Thursday, 8:30 am-5:00 pm and Fridays, 8:30 am-3:00 pm. 

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At first, I didn’t understand.  Going to the grocery store is considered an essential reason to be out in public.  I was keeping my distance and I was wearing a mask.  I was smiling (my normal expression wherever I am), but no one seemed to notice.  Or maybe they did and were smiling back, but I couldn’t tell because we were all wearing masks. Then it dawned on me,  this was another repercussion of the effects of the pandemic.  Staying physically safe and healthy needs to be our number one priority, sometimes at the expense of being able to share our emotions, at least through our facial expressions. 

As I tried to process this “new normal,“ I quickly realized that many of us, both adults and children, oftentimes don’t use a cloth mask or personal protective equipment to hide our emotions.  We choose not to show our emotions facially because we think those feelings may not be acceptable, may upset others, or maybe because we want others around us to think we are ok even if we are not.  We may not want our spouses, our parents, or our children to think that we are anxious, afraid, confused, or myriad other emotions that mean we are unable to cope with what is happening in our world. 

As parents who are now with our children 24/7, we want to protect them. Our first priority is their health and safety, but a not so hidden part of our agenda is to protect them from the oftentimes overwhelming challenges and uncertainty of the immediate and long-range future.  How do we decide when to put on the mask or when to share our struggles and how to do that age appropriately?  Are we able to forego the mask at times when, hopefully, by letting them see us face challenges, we can help our children gain the skills they will need to deal with challenges  to their own mental, emotional, and even physical health? 

Here are some suggestions to encourage your children to identify, acknowledge and find ways to bring their feelings to the surface and not to hide them behind a mask out of fear, confusion, or conflict:  

• Put a chart of faces showing different expressions on your refrigerator or someplace easily visible.  Emojis work well for this purpose. Ask your children to point out the emoji that best shows how they are feeling.  This can be a valuable first step in helping them identify what they are feeling. 

• Use teachable moments.  For example, if you are watching a tv show or movie, ask your child if he/she has ever felt the same way as what the characters are expressing.  Does your child think the character is handling his emotions in a healthy way?  Would your child handle their emotions in a different way?  Then you can share how you might handle the same emotions. 

• Share with your child a challenge you are facing (making sure the situation is age appropriate) and some of the options you are considering.  You might even frame those options in a chart with one column for the pros and one column for the cons. 

• Use the concept of rational/emotive therapy (psychologist Albert Ellis) to help your child recognize that a thought comes before a feeling.  If they have a feeling that is difficult for them to manage, try helping them figure out the thought that came first.  An example would be:  Your child is frightened about getting sick.  Perhaps that fear began because they saw something on TV that talked about some children experiencing a variation of the COVID-19 virus.  Once they recognize the thought and the subsequent feeling, you can give them information, etc. to help them deal with that feeling. 

• Share a happy and a not so happy feeling with others at the dinner table making sure you set ground rules that no one is allowed to comment on or judge the feeling being expressed. 

• Suggest creative ways your child can express emotions if they don’t want to verbally share them.  Journaling, art, physical exercise, etc. can be helpful ways to get the emotions out in a healthy way. 

We all may choose to wear a mask at times. When possible, putting that mask aside and, instead, acknowledging our feelings or letting others see them can be a bridge to moving forward and connecting with the people around us.  Especially now, when we need to distance ourselves physically, it is even more important not to distance ourselves from who we are, who we want to be, and to share our mental and emotional highs and lows with others. 

Susan Kurlander, M.Ed., is a JCS Health Educator.     

JCS provides individuals and families throughout Central Maryland with a broad array of services and resources for emotional and behavioral health, aging and caregiving, parenting, job seeking, financial stability, and living with disabilities. To learn how JCS can help you live your best life, please visit jcsbalt.org or call 410-466-9200.   

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I think we can all agree that 2020 has turned out a lot differently than any of us could have imagined.  It has been nearly five months since COVID-19 entered our lives and while we may have settled into a “new normal,” the vast majority of us are still in mourning. We are not only mourning the lives lost to this illness, but also the lives that we lived before the days of masks, isolation, and chronic unknowing.   

Those of us with children have the challenge of navigating these changes not only for ourselves, but also for our kids. We’ve quickly added the role of full time parent, housekeeper, and teacher, to our various other responsibilities – which for many includes full time remote worker, and for some means no work at all.  While balancing all of these responsibilities, parents are most consistently concerned primarily with their children: Are they getting enough of my attention? Are their educational needs being met? Am I being a “good enough” parent even though my rope is thin? How will this impact my kids? 

Of course, this experience has been traumatic for most of us in one way or another. As parents, it is our nature to worry about our children – after all, they carry our hopes and dreams, and we’ve invested our lives and our love in them. It is reasonable for parents to wonder what long term impact this experience may have on our children, and to wonder if the chaos of this time may cause them any harm.   

While it’s impossible to know what we may learn in hindsight regarding the impact that this time has had on our families, we can look to the trauma research field for some hints. For years, trauma researchers focused on the impact of individual and collective trauma, but in more recent years, we see the outcomes of this research move us into another direction – the study of resilience.   

Resilience is our ability to overcome barriers, to persevere through adversity. What research shows us is that humans are incredibly resilient. And while children may experience higher initial stress reactions to traumatic events, caregiver support and nurturance has an incredibly powerful influence on our little one’s ability to feel safe and loved through difficult times. Having caretakers who support children in learning resilience goes a long way in preparing them for overcoming all of the challenges life might have ahead. 

To be clear, children are not immune to trauma, and there are certainly circumstances in some families that have been acutely traumatic for our children (for example, the loss of a family member, abuse, or domestic violence).  However, for the majority of children being home with their families has truly become their normal, even though these are difficult circumstances. And, while the adjustment out of this period may be difficult (for everyone!), with your support and love here too our kids will eventually settle into familiarity and routine. 

Undoubtedly there have been both ups and downs as we collectively review our parenting experiences through this time. In contrast to our split attentions, emotional encounters, and competing responsibilities, many parents also share appreciation for the slower pace of having no-where to go, of being available for shared meals, or hugs/connections interspersed throughout the day. Remember that parenting is playing the long game, and if you’re home with your kids all day there are lots of opportunities (even if they’re just moments) to connect with our kids, and to repair where we have not been our best selves. 

You are your child’s greatest resource, and you are the one who is most likely to notice if they’re not doing well with these new routines. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a medical or mental health practitioner to get support for yourself or your child if you’re concerned about them or struggling to figure out how to balance all of these new and competing responsibilities.  

Stacey Meadows is Manager of Children Therapy services for JCS.

Because children don’t come with an instruction manual, Jewish Community Services offers a variety of programs, services, and supports for parents and families with children of all ages. Learn more at jcsbalt.org or call 410-466-9200. 

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There’s little doubt that social distancing has put a strain on the social, emotional and mental well-being of all of us—which is why connection is more important now than ever. Connection increases happiness while making you feel valued. We are so thankful that during social distancing, our Bigs (Big Brothers and Big Sisters) have found creative and fun ways to stay connected to their Littles (Little Brothers and Little Sisters).  

In addition to weekly check-ins, many of our Bigs are mailing letters with self -addressed stamped envelopes and coloring pages to our youngest Littles that don’t have a lot to say by phone. Some who live within walking distance to one another are doing a curbside hand wave and those that have computers, have zoomed together and play online games like Scrabble and Words with Friends.  

Jewish Community Services is so lucky to have volunteer Bigs that are so committed to their Littles. Everyone is working hard to keep a sense of normalcy and our mentors play a meaningful role in this. During this dynamic and ever evolving situation, it is so impressive to see our Bigs finding new and engaging ways to stay connected with their Littles.   

If you are interested in arranging for a child to have a Jewish Big Brother or Big Sister, or would like more information, please call 410-843-7453 or visit  http://www.jcsbalt.org/. 

Jennifer Rudo is JCS’ Match Coordinator/Community Engagement Health Educator/Prevention Services

During this very challenging COVID-19 pandemic, please know that JCS professionals are available to help. If you need guidance, resources, or assistance, please call the JCS Access Line at 410-466-9200 or email info@jcsbaltimore.org. Staff are answering calls Monday-Thursday, 8:30 am-5:00 pm and Fridays, 8:30 am-3:00 pm. If you need guidance, resources, or assistance, please call the JCS Access Line at 410-466-9200 or email info@jcsbaltimore.org. Staff are answering calls Monday-Thursday, 8:30 am-5:00 pm and Fridays, 8:30 am-3:00 pm. 

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This unique and challenging time of COVID 19, that we are all living through, is clearly stressful. As parents, everything in our lives has been turned upside down. We worry about how this change in our lives impacts our children. The good news is that our kids are more resilient than we think, but they still feel stress.   

Depending on their age, a child’s stress may look different than it does in adults. Below is a summary compiled from many experts who have studied the impact of stress and trauma in children. You may or may not be witnessing these behaviors now or you may (or may not) see them in the future. 

Pre-school and elementary school age children who are experiencing stress may:  

• Become more clingy to parents 
• Isolate and withdraw themselves from family and friends 
• Have nightmares, fear of dark, refuse to go to bed, or experience other sleep problems 
• Become irritable, angry, or disruptive 
• Be unable to concentrate 
• Exhibit repetitive play 
• Show signs of regression 
• Complain of physical problems such as stomachaches and headaches 
• Develop unfounded fears  
• Lose interest in fun activities 
• Show increased conflict with parent and siblings 
• Show increased concern for the safety of family members and friends 

Adolescents experiencing stress may show signs of: 

• Experience sleep and eating disturbances 
• Exhibit lack of energy and interest in fun activities previously enjoyed 
• Complain of physical complaints (headaches, stomach aches, nausea) 
• Exhibit increased conflict with parents and/or teachers 
• Show signs of withdrawal and decreased interest from peers 
• Show signs of regression 
• Become angrier and resentful 
• Have decreased concentration 

Ideas for helping children when we see these signs of stress: 

• Use words and concepts that children understand. Make sure your language is age appropriate for your child and ask them to repeat what you just explained. 
• Give children honest answers. It’s okay to say you do not know. Do not make things up. 
• Be prepared to repeat explanations over and over. This provides consistency and comfort during uncertain times. 
• Remember that children do not respond to stress in a predictable and orderly way. 
• Stay flexible. It’s okay to change your mind as a parent. 
• Validate your child’s concerns. As adults, we are better equipped to manage disappointment and be able to see the big picture. Children and adolescents don’t have that ability.   

Some common tips to help children manage stress: 

1. Make time for play and participate in play with your kids (have fun together). 
2. Make sleep a priority. 
3. Teach your kids to listen to their bodies and to have awareness of what they are feeling physically and emotionally. 
4. Stay flexible. As a parent, it’s okay to change your mind. 
5. Prepare your kids to deal with mistakes. It is critical to raising emotionally healthy kids. 
6. Talk and listen to your kids. 
7. Create routines such as reading bedtime stories, eating dinner together, or playing games. 
8. Help children feel in control when possible by letting them make decisions for themselves, such as choosing meals or picking out clothes. 

One of the most important ways to get through this challenging time and to help your child manager their stress, is to do what you need to do to stay healthy in the mind, body and spirit.  

Beth Land Hecht LCSW-C is the Senior Manager, JCS Community Engagement 

This topic is available during our Virtual Lunch bite series at www.jcsbalt.org/jcs-virtual.  Stay connected.  We’re in this together and ready to help.    

During this very challenging COVID-19 pandemic, please know that JCS professionals are available to help. If you need guidance, resources, or assistance, please call the JCS Access Line at 410-466-9200 or email info@jcsbaltimore.org. Staff are answering calls Monday-Thursday, 8:30 am-5:00 pm and Fridays, 8:30 am-3:00 pm. If you need guidance, resources, or assistance, please call the JCS Access Line at 410-466-9200 or email info@jcsbaltimore.org. Staff are answering calls Monday-Thursday, 8:30 am-5:00 pm and Fridays, 8:30 am-3:00 pm. 

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Whether you are Grammie, Papa, Nana, Pop-Pop, Bubbe or Zayde, we are all interacting  with our grandchildren differently as we face the challenges of social distancing.  Even though  we hope it’s temporary, we miss picking them up from school, going to their sporting events, having them for sleepovers and visiting with them if they live out of town.  For many of us, the inability to be with them physically in–person, whether on a daily, weekly or only occasional basis, is a hard pill to swallow.  

As a grandparent who was fortunate enough to see at least two of my four grandsons on an almost daily basis, I struggled with the monitoring of their use of technology when they came to our house after school.  Given the current circumstances, I now look to technology to connect with all four of our boys in a way that they not only accept but are proficient at utilizing. So, here are some suggestions that will help us make the best of the challenges we are facing and will meet our grandchildren in a way that is familiar and, in many cases, easy for them to access.   

Whether it’s platforms like Skype, Zoom, Face Time, Duo or the telephone, it’s important to embrace these online opportunities to connect face-to-face. Below are some ways to use technology in our favor: 

• Have a virtual breakfast.  Start with a similar food (oatmeal, yogurt, etc.) and ask them to try and add an unusual topping (nuts if no one is allergic, broken up graham crackers, cheerios, etc.).  You do the same and decide which one tastes better or is healthier. 

• Play trivia games.  This week I looked up sports questions and found enough to use for multiple sessions. I shared the age appropriate questions (I wanted them to know at least some of the answers as well as gaining information from the ones they didn’t know) during one of our chats. They all suggested other topics for me to look up and were willing to stay connected as they responded. 

• Watch a movie and discuss it.  Come up with a few questions about the movie that you can discuss when you’re connected. (i.e. who was your favorite character? why did you think the ending was a good one, etc.). You might even suggest a few movies and let them select one or two they would like to watch.   

• Hold a book club. Try finding a book they haven’t read that you could order two copies of. Send one to them and one to your home. Decide on a few questions and set a date to share your thoughts. 

• Discuss your day. If you connect with them in the evening, ask them to mention three things they did during the day that were fun, interesting, or positive in some way.  Then, share with them what was fun, interesting or positive for you. 

• Hold a Family History Lesson. Share a picture of someone in your family who was not alive during your grandchild’s lifetime (maybe someone they were named after).  Ask them, based on the picture, to describe what they think that person might have been like or what their name says about them.  After you hear their thoughts, share with them what you know about that person.   

• Read a bedtime story. Even though we can’t tuck our grandchildren in, sharing a story can be something they will remember when they grow into the amazing adults we know they will become. 

Being age appropriate is important, so try only connecting with one grandchild at a time if there are multiple siblings.  This could also be helpful if one of the children needs to use the computer, you could then connect with the other child by phone.   

In “Roots and Wings: Raising Resilient Children,” a program offered for parents and grandparents by prevention education of Jewish Community Services, we stress the importance of using rituals and traditions as a strategy to help minimize or delay the onset of risky behaviors.  Maybe a silver lining to our social distancing and self-quarantining is that our grandchildren are under their parents’ watch 24/7, reducing some opportunities for risky behaviors.  

All of us want to promote resiliency despite the challenges we now face as grandparents. What better time than now to create new rituals and traditions that we may even want to continue once we are back to some semblance of normalcy.   

Susan Kurlander, a JCS Health Educator, is a certified facilitator of the Hazelden Foundation’s “Roots and Wings” program.  

Because children don’t come with an instruction manual, JCS offers a variety of programs, services, and supports for parents and families with children of all ages. Click here or call 410-466-9200 to learn more. 

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