The Jim Rome Show - Takes

Unwatchable Game

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Congratulations to the Sixers for winning Game 6 of their series against Boston. And thanks to both teams for setting the sport back 50 years.

If Heat-Pacers was MMA, Sixers-Celtics was Z…Z…Z… were they shooting at iron and nylon or peach baskets last night. Because they weren’t hitting anything. Sixers coach Doug Collins’ pre-game motto was “angry basketball”…and that’s how we all felt watching it. Angry. I know Sixer Andre Iguodala was angry. So angry he nearly turned a broken play into a broken rack in the third quarter: Iggy smash!

And how do the Celtics just no show like that in a close out game? Where was the Ubuntu? Where was the Celtic pride? I’m sure they’ll find a way to get it done in Game 7. But mailing in Game 6 just cost those old folks some extra hours in the ice tub. And even worse, probably guaranteed us another unwatchable game.

A.I. Is Still The O.G.

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Now, to be fair: there was at least one guy in Sixer gear that killed it last night. First name: Thee Last name: Answer.

Photos: Thee Answer

I can’t lie. I have no attachment to any of it. And I was 3,000 miles away. But I still felt that moment... Everyone did. Well, except for ref Joey Crawford who stiffed him on the man hug. But that made it even better. Sure, A.I.’s, an end of the roader who will take his talents anywhere with a hoop and a check because he doesn’t have enough steaks in the freezer. But when he stepped on the floor last night, you can’t tell me you weren’t flashing back to him crossing over M.J.!

No one ever made M.J. look that bad on the floor. And you can’t tell me seeing A.I. last night didn’t take you back to the time he stepped over Tyronn Lue in the NBA Finals:

A.I. is still the O.G.

F-Bombing Maniac Saturday Night

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Now, back to you chowds for a moment. Sure, you lost that revolting game... But now we get to see Kevin Garnett turn into an unbridled F-bombing maniac Saturday night.

Photos: KG

We’re talking about a potential era ending, win or go home, Game 7, with a trip to the Conference Finals at stake…KG is going to be out of his mind: it will be Big Ticket o’clock all night long. We could be looking at an all time Ticket performance. And I don’t mean with his game. I mean with his mouth, his fists and his chest. Don’t be fooled by his “we’ll take it home and see what we can do” nonsense. Come Saturday, he’ll be hitting himself with haymakers, screaming Michael Foxtrot and inciting 18 thousand rabid chowds in their house.

And I’m hoping for the classic KG metaphor where he gets so jacked, his mouth is moving twice the speed of his brain and he spits outs something like: nothing compares to a Game 7: it’s like: building a house man: you have put in the pool, before you finish the basement. You know what I’m saying?? No, I have no idea. But I know I love it.

Memo to whoever carries that game: it’s time: give KG his own screen and put the game in a bubble in the corner. I don’t want to miss anything because Saturday night is must see…K.G.

Haslem And Pittman Suspended

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

I’m not sure what’s more surprising: that Miami’s Udonis Haslem was suspended one game for laying out Tyler Hansbrough or that his teammate Dexter Pittman got three for trying to knock out Lance Stephenson.

Look, I’m glad Haslem got his; I just didn’t think the NBA had the stones to rip him from the Heat since they’re already without Chris Bosh. Then again, by doing so, the league was able to send a message, and essentially assure itself of an all important Game 7 by doing it: so win win.

And Pittman got over with his three game suspension. He and the Heat would have gladly traded that elbow for 10 games for the message they think it sent. That wink he flashed after he cracked Lance Stephenson should have been worth five games alone. Enjoy your 15 minutes, Dex. Because that elbow is going to be the highlight of your career.

Bynum’s Future

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

After saying “It really doesn’t matter to me, I’ll play anywhere.” Laker big man Andrew Bynum has changed his tune. Now he says, “I don’t want to go anywhere. Hopefully if I keep elevating my play, I won’t have to.”

Let me help you with this, Andy. You keep elevating your play, you keep your dome, and you stay relatively healthy, you can spend the rest of your life right here. Show up, ball up, grind and lead from the front, and not only can you stay, you can run this town.

Photos: Bynum

But if you’re here to jack 3’s, sit outside the huddle, not prepare for playoff games and say things like, “There’s a bank in every city” just hit the bricks.

Shaq To Interview For Magic GM Job

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

ESPN is reporting the Orlando Magic could meet with Shaq O’Neal about their GM position next week. Now that’s funny. If that doesn’t work out, maybe he can be President, tremendous idea. Dude has no front office experience. A questionable work ethic and based on what he says on TV nightly, no ability to evaluate players. Oh, and he fights with Dwight Howard over who actually has the rights to the Superman nickname. The same Dwight Howard he’d have to convince to stay if he ever became GM.

Yeah, I’m sure he’ll do great. Shaq O’Neil is a candidate for the Magic GM job. Right and I’m going to jump in for Derrick Rose and run the point for the Bulls.

Photos: Shaq

C’mon, how dumb do we look? Not as dumb as the Magic if they go through with it and actually interview him.

Focus On The Now

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Hard to imagine Tiger Woods winning one more major much less the four he needs to run down Jack Nicklaus. But he says if you’re betting against him, you’re going to lose because he plans on winning tournaments on into his 50s. Doubt that.

Photos: Eldrick

How are you going to win a tournament at 50 when you barely do it in your 30s. At 50, you’ll probably be on your 10th swing, 8th coach, 7th caddy and 4th wife. And you really need to keep Tom Watson’s name out of your mouth when talking about guys who win at an advanced age. Watson is still competitive because he’s so tough mentally and stable emotionally. He’s not some head case who’s kicking his clubs and screaming down photogs when things don’t go his way. Instead of focusing on winning into your 50s, worry about still shooting in the 70s while in your 30s.

Playoff Game Turns Strikeforce Card

Wed, 23 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Heat-Pacers went from a playoff series to a Strikeforce card. There may as well have been a cage around the court for Game 5. Because while it wasn’t competitive, it was definitely combative. It all started in the second quarter when Tyler Hansbrough cracked Dwyane Wade in the head. Definitely a flagrant one, but that was at least a basketball play; he caught plenty of ball before he caught melon. But that’s not the way Wade saw it: “obviously my face is not the ball.” Right, and neither is Darren Collison’s spine. Glass houses Dwyane.

It then took Udonis Haslem all of a minute before he tried to pile drive Hansbrough through the hardwood.

Yo, U, why not just grab a folding chair and crown him with it? It would have been less obvious and less violent than that. Of course, Haslem didn’t see it that way either saying, “I made a play on the ball and my rap sheet speaks for itself. I’ve never been a dirty player. I’ve never been called a dirty player.” Well, they’re calling you that now. Clearly, you didn’t make a play on the ball. And that was an obvious retaliation for that shot Hansbrough put on Wade. Oh, and when reminding everyone of your great reputation, you probably want to point to your track record not your rap sheet. You actually never had one of those. But you do now. And it has a mid-air assault and soon to be flagrant 2 on it.

At least Haslem’s flagrant came in the middle of the game, when it was still in doubt. At least he did it to defend his star player. In that regard, I sort of see him working. But no one sees Dexter Pittman working. And trust me; Lance Stephenson didn’t see this trachea blast coming. 19 seconds left, in a 35 point blow out, shot goes up and Pittman doesn’t even look for the ball. Instead, he looks for Stephenson and finds his esophagus.

One of the dirtiest shots ever. And for what?! Stephenson’s choke sign on LeBron two games earlier? Something Stephenson had already apologized for. That retaliation doesn’t fit the crime. It wasn’t barely a crime to begin with. And way to tag that cheapshot with a wink, too, goon. You’re not an enforcer, you’re an embarrassment.

And the second the Heat stopped going upside Indiana’s head, Pacer president Larry Bird banged them in the mouth for good measure… he told the Indy Star news, “I can’t believe my team went soft. S-O-F-T. I never thought it would happen.” He’s right, the Pacers were soft. And I’m not saying they should have retaliated and punched one of the Heat in the face. And I don’t think Bird is either. He’s probably talking about how the Heat had a free pass to the rim all night long. And the fact, that despite having an obvious advantage in the front court, the Pacers got annihilated in the paint, getting outscored 46-26. And getting beaten down on the glass by 14. Bird’s probably talking about their refusal to throw it into Roy Hibbert.

Look, it’s never good news when the Hick from French Lick speaks publicly. Usually it means one of his guys went into the stands or he’s calling his team out for being soft. And after that verbal clothesline, they’ll have to bust out tomorrow night and prove him wrong.

Metta Has Mike Brown’s Back

Wed, 23 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

And as the Lakers look to rebuild after their second round humiliation, everything is on the table: Pau Gasol’s future. Andrew Bynum’s future. Even Mike Brown’s future. But Metta World Peace has Brown’s back. His fat, rotound, out of shape back: he said “Mike wasn’t out there guarding Kevin (Durant). That was me. Mike didn’t miss (a) three point shot. I missed it. Mike didn’t come in out of shape.. Wait he did come in out of shape. Mike is a fat ass.” Nothing says I got you, coach’ like hitting him with a fat blast.

Photos: Mett

I know…, that’s just Mett being Mett. Just messing around. Except I don’t recall him ever lighting Philip up like that. But I do recall Peace cracking Brown for being a ‘video coordinator’ a couple of months back as well. Thing is, Brown’s really not even fat. Don’t ever change, Mett. And remember, nothing says I’m standing up for my coach like laying him out for being fat. Just don’t trip if he calls you out for being a self-promoting time bomb in his next presser

Kings Advance To The Stanley Cup Finals

Wed, 23 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Now, I don’t want to say, I told you so. I’m not that guy. But I did. The Kings did go into Phoenix’s house and finish the Coyotes. In overtime. And Phoenix is not taking it well. They’re bitter because of that non-call on Dustin Brown right before the game winner.

The Coyotes think Brown cheap-shotted Michal Rozsival. The Kings say the contact was incidental. And they’re right. That’s an impossible call for a ref to make on something that happens that fast. And you don’t want him to anyway. Let the players decide playoff games, not the referees. If you Yote fans want to believe that non call ended your season, knock yourselves out. Whatever works for you. Just know you’re wrong. Dead wrong. And that the L.A. Kings are now four wins away from shocking the world. And it is going to happen.

Thunder Break Lakers Off

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Obviously, here in Southern California, we’ve spent a whole lot of time talking about what’s wrong with the Lakers, instead of talking about what’s right with the Thunder. The Lakers are taking plenty, and deserve it, but the Thunder’s no joke.

Photos: K.D.

The better team won. They’re younger, quicker, and hungrier than the Lakers. And way more explosive. They’re the future. The Lakers are the past. The Lakers are broken, so the Thunder broke them off. The Lakers are miserable and disjointed, the Thunder are all swagger and never rattle. The bigger the stakes, the better they play. Look, I’m not saying they’ll beat San Antonio, but I am saying they won’t beat themselves. And if they lose it won’t be because the stage is too big, it’ll be because the Spurs were too good.

Close Out Games Are Easy

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Andrew Bynum was right. Close out games are easy. Especially if you’re playing them against Bynum and the Lakers. So, where does L.A. go from here? First they need to stop saying they have the championship pieces in place. They don’t. They got smashed the last two years in the playoffs and if they bring back their big three, it’s going to happen again. Kobe Bryant’s not going anywhere, Andrew Bynum is the guy he’ll ultimately hand the torch to, so Pau Gasol is the odd man out. Not that I trust Bynum any more than I do Gasol. In fact, I trust him even less. Gasol may disappear for games at a time, but he was never benched for jacking up three’s, never blew off a meeting with the GM and never admitted to not being ready for a playoff game. Then again, maybe I’m overreacting, maybe I should give Bynum the benefit of the doubt: Hey Andrew, is this where you want to be? Are you all in?

That’s reassuring. L.A. is stuck: the only thing scarier than going all in with him is not having him at all.

Photos:Bynum

And Laker fan, you think the last few minutes of that game was tough on you. Try being Mitch Kupchak! Kupchak, looked like he wanted to walk in front of a bus. And what was he doing standing there, all alone in a sea of blue, like a real life, Where’s Waldo, then again, I see him working: he has to rebuild his roster…. Again: and this time no one is going to just give him an all star like Pau Gasol. In fact, he’s going to have to convince someone else Gasol still has something left. Then, he’ll probably have to find another point guard. Again. And do something about his do nothing bench. And hope that whoever he does bring in, can do what this group couldn’t do. Figure out and buy into Mike Brown’s system. No wonder Kupchak looked like that. Time to grind, Mitchell.

KG’s Mouth Is Peaking At The Right Time

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

The Celtics put an emphatic beat down on Philly last night to take a 3 games to 2 lead in that series. And if Boston is making a deep run in the postseason, then you know its Kevin Garnett gum-bumping season. You can call this guy dirty, or call him a fake tough guy, but you can’t question his desire, passion and most of all, his ability to run his mouth. And in that regard, he’s peaking at just the right time. This is probably the league’s biggest fuel guy and last night he was running on the hometown’s premium unleaded: “This g-d crowd here sparks you. …I feel like every minute I look up, I see my family, I see people yelling, I see the drunk fat guy. I can’t decipher one from the other. This crowd is ridiculous, man. I love it.” I have no idea what this guy’s trying to say, only that he’s amped out of his mind and that at 36, he can still take over games and make everyone around him better and that includes the g-d crowd and the drunk fat guy.

Photos: KG

But even Garnett can’t do it all by himself. As always he had help. But it wasn’t from his hall of fame teammates Ray Allen and Paul Pierce. Nope, it came in the form of big, bad, Brandon Bass. There’s always the unlikely playoff hero who comes in and knocks down a big shot or two. Every series has one. But no series has the monster who comes out of nowhere to rip down the rim and get 18 in a single quarter the way Bass did. Talk about an unlikely hero: Bass is on his fourth team in 7 years and that was his first playoff presser. And he admitted he was nervous. When asked how he did it, he dropped this code: God, Grind, Greatness. That’s your handle. You’re not long double B, you’re three G. And while that was your first time at the podium, I know it won’t be your last.

Kings To Pick Up L.A.

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

This was supposed to be the best of times for LA. Then it all came crashing down. The Clippers were swept and the Lakers got smashed. So now it’s up to the L.A. Kings to pick up L.A.’s front running fans. And I’m calling my shot right now: the Kings will do Phoenix in their house tonight and advance to the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time since 1993... And they’ll do it because they’re on the road. The Kings aren’t the Lakers: they’re not about all the bandwagoning celebrities and stars that showed up to see them close Phoenix out in Game 4. They don’t need or want that: it only created more pressure for them. They’re not Showtime like the Lakers: they’re muckers and grinders and do their best work on the road. Clippers dead. Lakers dead. Kings getting crowned.

Give it another week and a half: and Hollywood will be Hockey Town.

LeBron And Dwyane Man Up

Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

LeBron Raymone James. I have rarely gone with ‘Bron’s government. Because you have to earn the gov and he hasn’t in a long time. But 40, 18 and 9 with Miami’s mouth on the curb, and his number two banged up, and number three on the shelf, was all man and an all timer. That was ‘we are all witnesses, stuff.’ That was the Bron who wore #23 in C-town before he went to the dark side and started coming up short in big moments. But with their season, their legacy and his rep on the line, he led his team into a hostile environment and flat out dominated. And when his wingman, Dwyane Wade was busted up, coming off his worst playoff game ever and couldn’t get started, LeBron got him going too. That’s the LeBron everyone has been waiting on. No show there, and he never lived it down. But show up like that, in that situation, he can finally rock the King monicker. Don’t call me a King hater. I’m not hatin. I’m appreciating. Man’s game Raymone.

Photos: LeBron Raymone James

As long as we’re doling out props, let me slop a spoon full on D Wade’s plate. Although he usually skates and James gets murdered when the Heat don’t get it done, Wade was taking plenty after his worst playoff game ever. And for getting into Erik Spoelstra’s face during it. They needed a bounce back game from him if they were to have any chance of staying in the series, and it didn’t look he was going to give it to them after missing 7 of his first 8 shots. But along with James, he dominated in the second half pouring in 22; without it, they don’t win, his rep gets battered even further and Heat fans try to run him out of town. But he showed his pedigree and toughness on the road. Question is, can he and James do this every single night. Because without Bosh, they’re going to have to. And they’ll need someone else to step up like Udonis Haslem did last night. They may be in control, but this series isn’t over. But it would have been if Wade didn’t man up and bounce back the way he did. Dwayne Tyrone Wade if you need him. Tyrone and Raymone dominating when they needed it most.

Someone Is Taking The Fall

Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Down 3 games to 1, Laker management has to be this close to taking a wrecking ball to it. Someone’s taking the fall for this showing. Look, the Thunder may be younger, quicker and more athletic, but the Lakers could just as easily be up 3 games to 1 as they are facing elimination. They blew a 7 point lead with two minutes to go in Game 2 and a 13 point fourth quarter lead Saturday.

And why? Because after watching Andrew Bynum kill them in the first half Saturday, the Thunder decided to front him in the second half and the Lakers completely fell apart. They didn’t adjust to it, couldn’t find a way to get him the ball so they just stop trying to. And then did what they always do, waited for Kobe Bryant to bail them out. Except this time, in the fourth he shot them out of it. And Pau Gasol disappeared at the worst possible time. Again. Pau can talk all he wants about this horrific turnover being just one play, but it’s indicative of his whole approach to the last two postseasons. They need him to attack, and he can’t get the ball out of his hands quickly enough. And when this collapse is complete, he’s the one that will take the fall for it. They may not have succeeded in trading him before, but they will this time.

The Los Angeles Clippers Future

Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Although they were swept, there’s no shame in losing to the San Antonio Spurs. The L.A. Clippers had their break out season: they added Chris Paul and made it to the second round of the playoffs. A big win for the second tier franchise.

Photos: Blake Griffin

Question is, how do they build on that? One, they have to convince Chris Paul to stay beyond next year. And Blake Griffin is the best guy to convince him to do so. But he can’t do it with his rap; he has to do it with his game. Jumping over cars and tearing down the rim were fine the last couple of years, but this guy has to develop a complete game. Being a physical freak isn’t enough. And neither is getting one rebound in a critical playoff game.

He needs to go to the glass, develop a post up game, improve his perimeter game and free throw shooting, and improve defensively: just blocking shots isn’t enough... close that hole in your face and get to work player. Because whether or not the Clippers take another step depends largely on how much better you get in the summer. Because what you’re doing right now isn’t enough.

A Shot At The Triple Crown

Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

“I’ll Have Another” was sensational in gunning down Bodemeister in the Preakness Saturday, and horse racing has the one thing it needs most: a star, with a shot at the Triple Crown. So can he do it? Maybe: given the earlier fractions and how far he had to come, he had no business running down a freak like Bodemeister Saturday. The horse is talented, has unbelievable grit, is lightly raced and if he remains sound, he’s going to be tough to beat.

Still, there’s a reason no one has done it in 34 years. It’s hard! And as much as I love this horse, better horses have had a shot and come up short. Given the distance, the fact that there are a few monsters that skipped the Preakness and are now fresh and this is his third race in five weeks, I just don’t see how he can do it. And this isn’t a shot at I’ll Have Another, I just don’t think anyone can do it at this point. No one has in more than three decades. I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve seen this movie before and it never ends the way you want it to.

2012 Smack-Off

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

WINNER OF THE 18TH ANNUAL SMACK-OFF

Chael Sonnen (Surprise Pro Athlete Invitee)

FINAL STANDINGS

1st CHAEL SONNEN

2nd Mike In Indy

3rd Iafrate

4th Vic In No Cal

5th Doc Mike

6th Mark in Hollywood

7th Brad in Corona

9th Dave in St. Louis

10th Trapper in Dana Point

Other Participants

Gino In San Antonio

Mike In Wichita

Joe In OC

Jolene In Farmington

Isreal In L.A.

What Happened To Dwyane Wade?

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Looks like LeBron isn’t the problem, Dwyane Wade is. Seriously, what happened to this cat? Remember when he was the cool guy, great player and class act? I’m not sure I do either. Not when he’s cheapshotting opponents, f-bombing his coaches, looking to get paid for the Olympics and whining about other teams over-celebrating. Oh, and disappearing when they need him most. His act is wearing really thin. And Erik Spoelstra can say players and coaches argue like that all the time, but not like that. That was a franchise player, having his worst playoff game ever, in his coach’s grill and melting down. Just as he snapped the game before when he laid out Darren Collison. That’s not heat of the moment stuff, that’s your star freaking out and your team ripping apart because they know they can’t win. Look, most athletes aren’t who you think they are and now Wade is the latest to show his true colors.

Photos: D Wade

Things are so bad with the Heat, Bron and the fellas are now getting clowned by bench warmers. Check out second year shooting guard Lance Stephenson dropping the choke sign on LeBron after his missed a free throw in the third quarter.

Sure, it wasn’t exactly Reggie Milller at the Garden: and most of the country did have to Google Stephenson to figure out who he was. And he did play just one minute last night. I get all that. But hes’ also hit as many clutch shots in this series has LeBron has: none. The MVP just got clowned by a guy who was almost a DNP. Can you imagine 45 getting dissed by a dude in warm-ups? Or the Black Mamba getting clowned by some towel-waving 12th man? Neither can I. And if they ever were, they’d just flip to kill mode. Not LeBron. Instead, he napped it out, scoring just six points in the second half and laid down while his team got beaten down…

And Chris Bosh going down was the best thing that ever happened to his rep. He’s twice the player now than he was before he got hurt. Look at how lost they are without him. Unless LeBron and Wade combine for 70 or more Sunday, this series is over. Because without Bosh, Indiana big man Roy Hibbert is free to do whatever he wants. Dude lists at 7-2, but watching him, I’d swear he’s 9 feet tall. And the only thing better than an active big man, is an active big man who knows his role: “my primary focus is defense, defense, defense.” And he killed it, killed it, killed. 18 boards and 5 blocks that felt like ten. Without Bosh, Hibbert is freed up to attack anyone foolish enough to come into his house. He’s like a free safety with no zone responsibility. A 7 foot free safety who’s looking to: seek and destroy. And watching Hibbs slap all the Heat’s weak sauce away makes you wonder if Bosh is not only not the weak link, but rather their MVP.

Clippers Glassed By Spurs

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Clipper fan: forgive me for keeping it real, you had a great run, but it’s about to come to an end. This isn’t just San Antonio holding serve. The Spurs are holding the Clippers heads under water until they stop moving: I know the Clips are banged up. And really, they’re not even playing that badly. They’re just totally outclassed.

Photos: Grandpa Duncan

When was the last time you saw a team shoot 9-13 from beyond the arc and still get hammered. Probably the last time you saw a guy with Blake Griffin’s size and crazy athletic ability finish with just one board in a playoff game. And the reason he’s not getting to the glass, is because a guy old enough to be his dad is owning it. Grandpa Duncan has set up shop in the paint, Tony Parker is getting the better of Chris Paul and because the Clippers are gassed, they’re getting glassed. The Spurs have never played better nor gotten less credit for it. And Phil Jackson is getting ready to hang another asterisk on them.

Death Threats On Twitter

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Sometimes I think Twitter is one of the greatest things ever. But sometimes it’s something I wish they could un-invent. And seeing Laker Steve Blake and his family getting death threats is one of those times. After Blake missed that 3 ball in the final seconds against OKC, his wife Kristen received a tweet that said, “I hope your family gets murdered.” Nice. Blake said yesterday, “you can come at me all you want, but when you say things about my wife and kids that makes me upset.” No doubt.

Memo to anyone who tweets hate and threats to Blake or any professional athlete: stop watching sports: you can’t handle it. And get off Twitter: you can’t handle that either. And get on medication. Because you need it. And then spend the next couple of years re-thinking your life and what you’ve done with it. Because while you’re threatening people with blue checks, we’ve all marked you with a red one, verified losers.

LA Will Be Hockey Town USA

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Hell is about to freeze over. Because the L.A. Kings are going to win the Stanley Cup. I never thought I’d see it. Not in my lifetime. And not in my kids’ lifetime. But they will. They’re up 3-0 against Phoenix so that series is over and I really don’t care who comes out of the East.

And they’re not going to beat the Rangers or the Devils because they have more experience. Or more talent. Because they don’t. They’ll win because they’re bigger and they’re badder. And neither New York or New Jersey have the size to stand in and trade with them. Bigger, badder and smarter because while they initiate they never retaliate. And they’ve already faced and beaten tougher than what they’ll see in the Finals. It won’t be as easy as it’s been so far, but the Kings will win. And LA LA land will be hockey town, USA.

Lakers Choke In Game 2

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

So did the Thunder rip that game from the Lakers, or did L.A. just give it to them? Yes. Credit to OKC: down 7, with two minutes to go, they never gave up on that game. And stabbed L.A. in the heart. But make no mistake, the Lakers went into the tank. L.A. has to finish that game. Has to. And they didn’t. Memo to the Lake Show: the game’s 48 minutes, not 46. And mailing in those other two minutes not only cost you that game, it’s going to cost you the series. Not to go all MMA on you, but that game reminds me of Chael Sonnen killing Anderson Silva for four and a half rounds back in 2010, only to have Silva miraculously maneuver him into a triangle choke and steal the fight. That’s what the Thunder did to L.A. last night. The Lakers are killing them in the ground and pound and the next thing you know they’re tapping out.

And how bent was Kobe Bryant, the game’s best closer, when Steve Blake was the guy who tried to close that game. But the mamba shouldn’t have been upset. He had plenty of chances late and didn’t convert. Furthermore, Metta World Peace made the right decision when he in bounded it to Blake who had a wide open look in the corner. And how lucky was Russell Westbrook on that play. Either he completely forgot about Blake or figured because it was Blake, he had nothing to worry about. And he was right. Blake has to make that shot. That’s why he’s there and what he’s paid to do. To knock down open shots. And he’ll never be more open nor have a bigger a shot than that one. Bryant had his shots. And that was Blake’s. And he missed it.

And I couldn’t wait to see how the Lakers reacted to giving that game away. Bryant, as you might expect, was apoplectic and looked like he wanted to kill someone. Andrew Bynum, on the other hand, looked like he was on nitrous. Like ….man! Y’all see KD blow past me on that game winner? Are you kidding me about that cat??! What he actually said was, “man that was crazy. We’re better than Santa Claus, we like giving out gifts.” Yeah, just like Santa Claus. Drew. If Santa dropped the reigns, lost control of the sleigh, slammed into the side of the house and sprayed gifts all over the front yard. St. Nick is charitable. You guys were chokers.

But as usual, there’s way too much attention given to the choke and not enough given to the win. Kevin Durant may have spent most of the night deferring but on the biggest possession of the game, he turned cold-blooded.

That’s pure poetry. It deserves its own documentary. Check him: he loses Peace on the high screen. Blows right by Bynum. And then floats the runner over the top of Pau Gasol. Dude beat one of the hardest on ball defenders in the league and two 7 footers all in the same sequence. That’s what a superstar does: plays his best, with the ball in his hands, in the biggest moment and makes it look easy. Get that LeBron? K.D. wasn’t looking to facilitate or set a pick or find someone else to jack it up with the game on the line: he was looking to finish it himself. And he did. You should try it sometime, Bron.

Celtics Creed

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Are you familiar with Ubuntu? The 76ers got real familiar with it last night. It’s an African philosophy based on chemistry and Kevin Garnett says it’s the Celtics’creed: “Ubuntu, we been preaching that since we got here…I just had to reiterate that.” Then the tenets of Ubuntu must include screaming 12 letter bombs and punching yourself in the chest, because that’s what you’ve been doing since you got there, K.G.. Whatever it is, it works. And I know that Paul Pierce is a believer, or he couldn’t have done this!

I knew the truth still had some juice, I just didn’t know he had that in him. And is it me or did I just see a 34 year old man slap the glass on the way down. Last time Pierce dunked like that he was at Allen Fieldhouse and a Kansas Stater got posteriezed. This time is was Lavoy Allen. Rock chalk Ubuntu.

We All Win, When The Rangers Lose

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

I’ll say it again. I don’t root. But know this: when the New York Rangers lose, we all win. Because then we get to see John Tortorella work his magic with the media. These get togethers are now the stuff of legend. So, turn your phones on silent and get ready to squirm in the beautiful awkwardness of it all. He answered 6 questions in just 37 words and nearly all of his answers were either “no” or “I’m gonna keep it in the room.”

The only thing that masterpiece was missing was a mean beat and some auto tune. DJ Steve Porter if you need him!

LeBron Still Isn’t Ready For Prime Time

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

To quote the Miami Heat team president: A playoff series doesn’t really start until the home team loses a game. Consider Heat-Pacers officially underway after Miami couldn’t finish in Game 2. And consider the Heat officially in trouble. And just when you think it’s safe to buy into LeBron James as the ultimate alpha and closer; a guy that has finally figured it all out. He hasn’t. He still can’t finish and he still doesn’t get it. Down one with less than a minute to play, he clanked two free throws. But insists the loss isn’t on him: “this game is not lost or won with two free throws. But I definitely want to come through for my teammates, so I’ll get an opportunity again. I know I’ll be at the line again in that situation. Just go up and make em.” Dopiest thing he’s said in a long time.

Photos: LeBron vs. Granger

You may not have lost that game for them, but you sure didn’t do anything to win it either. And never mind being in that situation again: you were in the situation last night and you went into the tank. LeBron still isn’t ready for prime time. Look at the bright side, at least this year when you don’t win it all, you have your out: Chris Bosh’s injury. And then you can start planning your opt out and return to Cleveland.

Look, the Heat may have two of the top ten players in the world. But right now, that’s all they have. And as good as James and Wade are, they’re not good enough to win a title playing 2 on 5. They’re probably not even good enough to get past Indiana playing like that. And while no one ever accused Bosh of being Moses Malone, without him, they suddenly seem awfully small. And soft. And when things got chippy last night, the only guy who pushed back was Wade. And by pushing back, I mean he ran right through Darren Collison.

Eaaasssy, Dwyane. Jason Smith lighting up Blake Griffin earlier this season can’t believe how jacked up that was.

He wasn’t enforcing a no lay up rule. That was Wade steamrolling the smallest dude on the floor out of frustration. And it was weak.

And so was Wade’s whining about Indiana’s on court celebration after the win: “I saw (Indiana’s) little celebration at the end of the game. I don’t know if they didn’t expect to win. But every night we go out on the court, we expect to win. They stated their identity. They said they wanted to be like Dallas. So they celebrated like Dallas, I guess.” Oh no he didn’t. Did the guy who went smoke machine and forklift before they had even held their first practice, really just rap someone else for a “little celebration.” Get real. And don’t forget you were the crew that was kneeling down and practically weeping after beating Boston in the second round last year. And you were the guy who hit that 3 to go up 15 against Dallas in Game two of the Finals with just over 7 minutes to go…and goose necked it for about 10 seconds in front of the Dallas bench….then didn’t score the rest of the way and lost. And remember you were the one who warned the media after that choke joke, “don’t make nothing out of that celebration like you guys did in the Boston series.” So how about you don’t make nothing of Indy’s celebration last night, Dwyane... You lost. Take it like a man. And keep moving.

Don’t Kick Dirt On Tim Duncan

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Timothy Theodore Duncan. Don’t kick dirt on the guy, even if he's older than the dirt itself. Because dude found a time machine and set it 1998... If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he just busted out of Wake Forest and was running with the Admiral last night. Was that Tony Parker feeding him or Avery Johnson?

Photos: Timmy

And the Clippers discovered a couple of things - the Spurs aren't so old, and they aren't the Grizzlies. That's not a team that's going to grip, trip and blow 20-point leads at home. I know the Clips are gassed coming off a long series, but this is going to be a really short one if Timmy is getting up and down like this, - 26 points, 10 boards in 35 minutes and one step closer to a fifth ring. And the old man has never looked better.

Kobe On Flopping

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Kobe Bryant’s not in the best mood right now, so it was the best time to ask him about flopping. And he gave the best response yet. He said NBA’ers hitting the deck and flailing like fish on a dock makes him wonder if they’re missing a part of their male anatomy: “that’s kind of like, were are your bleeps at?”
Look, one thing for a knucklehead like me to say flopping soccerizes the sport and embarrasses the stars who do it. Quite another for one of the game’s best ever to say it. And he’s right. And the guy with five rings may as well have directed that to the two stars who have combined to win zero: Bron and Blake. Can you imagine Bryant running into a pick and then going down like he had been run over by a truck? Neither can I.

Photos: Kobe

And yes, I heard him say he refuses to take charges. Don’t confuse that with refusing to play defense. He’s been All Defensive first team 9 times and he’s played through every injury in the book. He’s right: flopping is lame and it’s turning the Association into a league of bad actors. It’s a good question. Where are your bleeps at?

Must Be Nice, Bryce

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:00 -0800

I had no choice but to gloss Javale McGee, “must see McGee” because he did something every single night this season that you couldn’t afford to miss. And now I’m hitting Bryce Harper with his new handle. Must be nice, Bryce. Because everything about this dude’s life is nice. Let me ask you 19 year olds: What’s your perfect day? Rolling out of the rack at the crack of noon. Improving your call of duty kill-death ratio. Getting a like on Facebook from a gal you’ve been working? That’s a ten, right. For you. But for Bryce, that’s a one.

Photos: Must Be Nice

Let me tell you about Bryce Harper’s day yesterday. Probably showed up to the yard around 11 am. Took some BP, got his grub on, crushed his second home run in as many days and then beat it out of the ballpark to sit cage side for a UFC fight. Not a bad Tuesday. And he actually looked like he could have been one of the fighters, with that crazy lettuce and nasty gash over his eye. And yet again, he didn’t bag it up and act the fool. That’s an easy atmosphere to get drunk, get belligerent or get embarrassed. Ask Rex Ryan, who once flashed a middle finger at one. Bryce just took it all in and showed he has at least one thing in common with other 19 year olds: he likes the octagon girls.

Must be nice, Bryce.