jab the artist

I Still Have a Blog, Apparently.

2012-10-10T23:42:00.001-07:00

This place still exists? Cool. Here are my favorite shoes I ever did. They are also one of the first pairs I ever did, so.... I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I still wear them from time to time. When I'm feeling like an outfit is too blah, I add these because I can't just be normal like everybody else, gosh darn it. (Also, I'll have you know that for some reason I wrote 'every buddy' and my brain didn't catch it until the second read-through. Thanks, brain. You're a real pal.) Also, I'm looking at these pictures thinking: what the heck is going on with the shoelaces here? Hold on.... I checked them out in my closet. The laces are, indeed, screwy. How I didn't see that before, I don't know. Please don't let it bother your OCD. I apologize for even pointing it out.

So I've been getting a whole lot of shoe requests lately. Thank you, thank you. I'd like you to know that they are $15 a pair for the first pair and $7 for every additional pair. That's not including the cost of the shoes. Got it? Good. If you have any other questions, you can email me: jordynashli@gmail.com. Or you can visit my page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jabtheartist, where lots of your questions are probably answered in my 'about' page.

Let me just say that customized shoes are a great way to say Merry Christmas. Okay, the end. Have a good night, every buddy! (Because you are all my buddies. All four of you.)

Bag for Zoe.

2012-03-20T11:02:00.001-07:00

It's been a while.

It's hard to tell from the pictures... this bag is really very large. The design is hand-done by me with puffy paint. It takes about 2 weeks to make from start to finish. If you are interested in commissioning one, I can do any color combination. Also, this bag was done for a preteen so it has a younger feel. I can do them for adults and teens as well. Contact me: jordynashli@gmail.com. $35 per bag.

Like and share:

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A Starry Night On Your Feet.

2012-02-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

Sharpies on canvas Bobos.

jordynashli@gmail.com if you're interested in custom shoes or bags.

Like my Facebook page for updates on my adventures.

Color Schemes

2012-01-10T14:10:00.000-08:00

I just love colors. Here are some of my favorite color schemes....

Seriously, all of the children's books I keep on my bedside table are these colors.

I made myself a calm jar because I have a horrible temper. These colors are in it.

Go here to learn more.

And, because I'm obsessed with a certain British TV show....

It Actually Rained For Once.

2012-01-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

We've been experiencing a drought here in Texas, which is highly unusual, but starting at about 2:00 am it started raining and has been raining all day. It's been so lovely!

I got a wonderful new fancy-schmancy camera for Christmas and made my brother go out and play in the puddles (although he didn't seem too upset to do it for me). Here are the results:

We had lots of fun. :)

The Great Closet Cleanout of 2012 and the things it caused to happen, including some weirdy little art things.

2012-01-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time I decided to clean out the closet in my bedroom and about halfway through the destruction, I thought I might should take some pictures. ("Might should" is a valuable piece of the English language that I learned from living in Texas. It is the classy equivalent to "fixin' to.")

Here they are:

I found many wondrous things, including my own foot (located in the bottom right corner, next to a box of the foulest smelling candles I've ever met and a lovely picture frame).

This is the view from within the closet.

I know what you're thinking. "Impressive, Jordyn. I mean, It's nice and all, but I'm here to see your weirdy little art things, nothing more. What does this pigsty have to do with art?"

Well, my dear friends (all five of you), let me enlighten you. Let's start with my time-honored method of cleaning:

Day One: In an angry rage at being unable to find your puffy paint, tear everything out of your closet all at once. Throw junk in the trash like it's not even a thing. Sort stuff. Locate every shoe box you own.

Day Two: Suddenly remember that you started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on Netflix the other day. Go ahead and watch an episode or two "while you clean." ("While you clean" means only rush around and throw stuff into boxes during the thirty-second intro music.) While rushing, discover countless invaluable treasure, such as:

The locking mechanism from a car sitting on a giant paper lantern.

This... scholar. What is this?

I didn't even graduate like that...

I never even wore a mortarboard hat...

This awesome Incredibles poster, which I'd forgotten about

(it was taped to a wall) and a print of the second coming.

Maybe I'll go to hell for saying it, but....

it kind of looks like Dash punched Jesus out of the sky.

So... yeah.

But I also found at least a hundred of THESE:

NOTEBOOKS. YES.

Where was I? Oh, yeah:

Day Three: Find quotes from your old journals and notebooks and make them into weirdy little art things for your blog. Update your blog despite the loads of garbage sitting outside your room. Also finish season four of Star Trek.

So, I was apparently quite philosophical during my junior high years and found some valuable as well as some really, really, really painfully stupid things. I've made them look fancy and compiled them here BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO, APPARENTLY.

And you should be, too. Those guys get eaten all the time.

Guess What I Did A Long Time Ago.

2011-12-22T21:22:00.000-08:00

Last year, starting in September, I began planning my church's youth's New Year's Eve dance, an annual event held at the church building. Thinking back, I was never really given the assignment--I just sort of took it and ran with it...

I had a budget of a couple hundred dollars for a dance that was going to start at eight in the evening and go until midnight and I was supposed to plan for about 400 or 500 teenagers.

Now, to understand how I approached this whole thing, you have to understand a typical church dance: minimal decorations (maybe some Christmas lights?), a little table with snacks (oreos, anyone?) and chairs lined up against the walls. People mingle in the middle of the gym and occasionally dance, but generally what ends up happening is that kids meander around in the hallways of the church or sit in the chairs and desperately try to ignore the fact that they're at a dance.

To this, I said "No."

I rallied together a group of about a dozen youth and we started planning in September (much to their protestation. "The dance isn't for months!" they said. "Resistance is futile," I replied.) I went with an Art Deco theme, called it The Last Gala 2010 (a name a friend suggested), and based all the colors on Cobalt blue, white and silver. I wanted lights strung across the entire gym, so I asked for people to donate their white Christmas lights. I wanted real food, so I asked for people to donate real food. I set up tables with tablecloths and chairs with bows and an e-mail account. Anyone who wanted a reserved table with their friends could send an e-mail.

Instead of the usual half-hearted fliers (a staple of Mormonism), I sent an invitation to each individual youth:

(Please excuse the bad quality--instead of searching for the file on my computer, I took a picture

of the one I keep in my journal.)

I DID make fliers, but they looked like this:

(Except they were on blue paper, not white.)

Here are the preliminary sketches that I drew in October-November-ish of how I wanted the whole thing to look in the end:

Pretty ambitious. Well, I learned a lot about myself doing this dance and one thing I learned was that I have ambitious ideas and high expectations of myself. People told me not to get my hopes up. To them I said, "Resistance is futile."

I wanted this dance to be something different, something people would remember. I decided to shake things up a bit by serving hors d'oeuvres (fancy) and asking for people to donate board games and card games (casual and fun). You'll notice a running theme here--I asked for a lot of donations and, somewhat surprisingly, got everything I asked for. EVERYTHING. By the time people started arriving, there wasn't a darn thing missing. I wanted two chocolate fountains. We got two chocolate fountains. I wanted plain white, non-LED Christmas lights. I got them. What I'm trying to say is, people are generous and if you're planning something, don't be afraid to ask for stuff (well in advance, though, obviously). Especially if you're a Mormon.

I really had the time of my life planning this monster.

Here is the church gym before (with some tables and wire for lights):

And here it is during preparation:

Here it is with tablecloths, place settings and a few lights. Notice also the white drapes tied with blue bows.

And the tables were set thusly:

Because, fancy.

That thing you see hanging in the background was something I designed on the computer and then, with the help of a few friends, transferred onto a white sheet. Here's what it looked like close up:

It's hard to capture in pictures the way it felt... It was definitely different from other dances.

Yes. The place settings are reserved for specific people in specific parties with the name of every person and every party at every place. All in all it took three whole days to set up, but it was kind of funny--I organized everything so that no one was breaking their back to get things done and everything got done efficiently. It was organized well enough that I was able to do what I wanted, such as writing every place spot by hand and making sure the tables were set well and answer questions when people had them.

I couldn't have gotten it done without the help of those who who volunteered to set up.

For several years, the tradition at the New Years dance has been a balloon drop. They put balloons in a net and then drop them at midnight... and then everyone pops them like crazy. A noisy mess ensues because teenagers are usually not the types to clean up the balloons they pop. I decided to take the balloon drop idea and rework it, coming up with a balloon rise, partly inspired by the movie Tangled with the floating lanterns.

The day of the dance (at this point everything was set up entirely) we filled nearly five hundred balloons with helium...

But first we slipped a TINY glow stick into each one. Tiny--fingernail sized. Then we filled them with helium.

There I am, tying balloons. It was nice that everything was done beforehand--all we had to do on the actual day was fill balloons and get the food together.

There were SO MANY balloons. I've never seen so many before in my life!

This was only one bundle.

During the dance, since, like I mentioned before, many of the kids end up walking around the outside of the church, we blocked off every hallway with tree branches spray painted white, forcing them to remain inside. The main doors were open and the doors that led to the bathrooms were open. Everything else was blocked off and guarded by one of the dance's chaperons.

The dance itself went over well. Everyone had a place to sit and mingle and play games, and even so the dance floor was never empty. It was well-lit, but not bright. The decorations gave it a sense of decorum and the fact that most of the girls were dressed in formal attire made it feel like a classier thing that church dances usually are, but not stuffy. Just... fun.

And, if I may be so bold as to say so myself, it turned out perfectly. Exactly as I planned. Every table and chair looked just like what I had been imagining for so many months.

As midnight drew closer, we brought out the balloons, tied to silver carts, and handed one to every youth there. Imagine two or three of those bundles of balloons coming in through every door, keeping in mind it was a surprise to most of those in attendance. To me, at least, it was magical. We instructed them to carefully break the glow stick inside their balloon (which is much easier than it sounds) and counted down to midnight, turning off all of the lights in the gym.

I cannot explain the experience, standing on the stage and watching hundreds of glowing balloons float up to the ceiling simultaneously. It sounds so silly, but bear with me. To me it was more than just a unique way to ring in the New Year. It was a symbol of an accomplishment. I did something. I single-handedly organized a group of unorganized teens. I lead them in the direction of my own goal. I brought about something memorable--I watched something that started as an idea come to life and shared it with others. I made other people happy with the talents I've been given. And that sums it up. I was able, for a night, to make four hundred people happy.

Oh gosh, this is starting to sound personal. Anyway, here's a picture (it doesn't do anything justice, but whatever):

Another valuable lesson I learned was about tradition, especially Mormon tradition. I took everything about a traditional dance and turned it on its head. I challenged every limit and it paid off. It made me realize something crucial: there are two types of people. There are "cookie cutters" (people that fit the mold and try to fit into the accepted standard) and there are mavericks. A cookie cutter doesn't take chances. A maverick does. A cookie cutter accepts while a maverick questions. A cookie cutter wears heels. A maverick wears Chuck Taylors.

(Dirty ones. To my own formal New Year's Eve Dance.)

When push comes to shove, a maverick is true to himself and a cookie cutter is true to the cookie cutter.

The next day when we got back to the church to clean things up, all of the balloons were on the floor. Clean up only took a couple of hours. We (miraculously) got everything back to its rightful owners.

Doing the dance, I learned a lot about myself. It was a daunting task that I fearlessly (and somewhat recklessly) undertook. I gave it 200% and learned how to NOT be a cookie cutter. I like to think those are my defining factors and the New Years Resolutions that carried my throughout 2011. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to do give it everything I've got and then some--and I'm going to try and do it differently than anyone else would think to.

Well, now its 2012 (or, twenty-dozen as the cool kids say) and I have new New Year's resolutions that I would like to share with you (all five of you) in this post: this year is my year. I was born more than two weeks too late and often joke that I'm a late bloomer. I wait until the last second to start things, but when I do jump in, I do it with a bang. I hope in the months (perhaps years) to come, this blog is less a rambling update to extended family and more of a record of my achievements--because I'm ambitious, that's why. And to propel myself further, I've made a resolution to ALWAYS SAY YES. Because every opportunity is an opportunity to meet new people and gain new experiences.

So if you have a project you think I'd enjoy, shoot me an email at jordynashli@gmail.com because I'll say yes and give it my all. Let's go somewhere awesome this year.

Happy New Year, folks.

P.S................................................. I also do parties.

(This balloon met me on the stairs when I got home,

with its tail perfectly curled as if to say, "Good job.)

Birthday, Scrooge, Tablet.

2011-12-08T21:07:00.001-08:00

So I've been working on several projects lately but I thought I'd update a little bit because on my birthday I got a graphics tablet. I'm sorry if you don't know what a graphics tablet is because the only way I can describe it is by saying it's magical. Through it, I can draw directly onto the computer, with magic. It's lovely.

I just finished reading Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, which is one of my favorites (I ALSO just finished William Shatner's Shatner Rules and it is quite possibly my new favorite). If you haven't read it (Christmas Carol, not Shatner Rules), you should go find yourself a copy right now because it's the Christmas season (well... I guess it applies to both books). Also, unlike most classics it's VERY easy to understand and is very short.

So, inspired by the story of Scrooge and with stylus in hand, I created this for you to enjoy:

I know you're thinking it's sort of crappy looking, but I like it and I don't even care what you say. I was using lots of fancy things like gradients and filters and giving it a background and making the lettering look nice and using lots of colors and textures, but this is the final product and this is what I like.... except maybe that it looks like it says 'caroe' instead of 'carol.' Hmmmmm.....

If you don't get it, I'll explain: the candle represents the first ghost, who is described as being very candle-like and even have a snuffer as a hat. The second is the torch that the Ghost of Christmas Present uses to spread Christmas Cheer. You know what... I wish I had one of those torches. And the third represents the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come because electric Christmas lights weren't around in Dickensian England. Within the story, they're a thing of the future.

Anyway, I like the graphics tablet LOTS and that's all I have to say about it.

THE END.

You Should Go And Listen To Some Music.

2011-11-19T18:59:00.001-08:00

This is my favorite song.

This is my favorite page on Facebook.

Chess Set.

2011-11-16T16:58:00.001-08:00

A while back, I posted this doodle of a chess design:

Well, lately I've been trying to broaden my horizons artistically and decided to try my hand at sculpting and this is the result:

Here's my chess set. It took two days to make from start to finish, which was much shorter than I had expected. They started out looking like this:

After which, I drew the checkers and stripes on.

Here are the kings standing side by side. I wanted to keep that Alice-In-Wonderland kind of feel and so they don't match exactly and feel kind of skewed. It's also hard to tell in the pictures, but they are pretty sturdy and feel like ceramic. They're not gummy or pliable at all.

Here are the queens together. I made them hearts and diamonds to be reminiscent of a deck of cards.

For the bishops, I wanted them to resemble actual Bishop hats. Here's the result:

Here are the knights:

And the rooks:

And finally the pawns are just little tiny:

So... there you have it.

If you're interested in buying a set, email me at jordynashli@gmail.com.

To get daily updates, like my Facebook page.

Listen To Me Right Now Or Else I'll Cut Your Throat.

2011-11-14T21:27:00.001-08:00

You know how you can tell I'm serious about this post? Because of it's title. Right there are the words 'or else I'll cut your throat' and those words mean business. (I was going to say 'or else I'll cut your fingers off and put them in a jar in my closet, along with the rest of the severed limbs I've collected over the years,' but I didn't want people to think tl;dr).

Here's the deal, friends and neighbors: people have, in the past, gone out of their way to tell me that they like the artworks that I do (that's right, artworks). So I started this blog, ho hum whatever, right? Wrong.

That's how this goes... right?

Either you are all lying and the things I do are unworthy of the attention of the general public, or... you know what, the end. I didn't have a finish for that sentence when I started it. So there. If you seriously like the things I do, I have to ask you a favor, but first, backstory.

I was wondering what would be considered, you know, 'good' for a number of page views and clicked the first link I saw when I Googled it, which gave me this helpful gem:

I took that to mean 'do a google search for what your blog is about and then divide the number of hits by blah blah math hoobity blah.' I did just that:

Am I the only one who read the 'did you mean...' in a snotty voice?

Google told me 'about 11,000 results.' So then I did another Google search:

Because it is the year 2011 (that means it's the high-tech future right now) and there is no reason why I should be expected to do my own math problems, that's why. Wait... isn't there a movie along that premise where nobody knows how to do long division except the one guy and he ends up saving the people and.... I feel like maybe my dad made it up to threaten me when I got bad grades in math? Let's not talk about it any more.

Now, I'm not going to tell you how many page views I get in a day because that's personal and who are you to be nosying around in my private matters, anyway? But I AM going to tell you it's not one thousand one hundred and one.

Now for the tricky part. Do you have a Facebook? Do you also have friends? Did you answer yes to both of the above questions? Great. Then you can help me. You see, I have a handy dandy little Facebook page. Right now, I have this many followers:

That number is called 33. So here's what I ask of you: please, oh please oh please oh please, may you copy and paste the URL of my blog and/or Facebook page onto your profile and the profiles of anyone you might think would be interested in what I do. Ashamedly, yes. I am asking you to promote me and my work. It would be greatly, greatly appreciated. I'm just trying to branch out a little. Also, if YOU have a blog, I would greatly appreciate it if you would send a link to me, via FB or something.

And to anyone who might be new here, let me introduce myself. My name is Jordyn Ashli Baker and this is my blog of weirdy little art things to look at and stuff. I post designs, typography, clip art, projects, and custom shoes a couple times a week. Every picture, clip art, design, etc. I post is at your disposal to use for free because that's what art is all about: sharing. I also sell custom-designed hand-painted shoes for $30.00 or $35.00 a pair, depending on where the shoes come from. I'm passionate about everything from the Fibonacci sequence to Shakespeare. I'm not a wonderfully all-around fabulous artist all the time, but I put my heart into what I do and I'm eighteen without any formal artistic schooling, but learning as I go along. I've got a few pieces of commission work under my belt and I'm more than willing to tackle other projects. If you have one in mind or would like custom shoes, email me at jordynashli@gmail.com.

Now, in parting, I'm going to leave you with a picture of my pet sugar glider, Bruce, because who could resist such adorably huge eyes? No one except maybe Skeletor.

This is Depressing, Don't Read It.

2011-11-14T20:09:00.001-08:00

Momento Mori means 'remember your mortality.' The concept is that a piece of art, a phrase, a song, etc. reminds you (painfully) of the fact that one day you will die. Hopefully that day is far away for all of us.

I've been in a kind of momento mori mood lately (maybe it's because of Hamlet--is reading it twice through in the space of a week too much?) and thought I'd dredge up some old drawings I did a while back:

The human skull is a common theme in momento mori artwork,

and while skulls are striking, there's something about the bones

of a hand that make me shudder. Sort of like when Hamlet says

"That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once"

you can't help but wonder what a hand did before it became bare bones.

Calla lilies are commonly used at funerals.

I generally try to not sound like the obsessive over-thinker that I am, but it apparently shone through in this post. Oops. It's because of Shakespeare, okay? I have an enthusiasm for Shakespeare that is borderline ridiculous. Oh no, here it comes.... I just love Hamlet because it's so incredibly, deeply thought provoking. Shakespeare is amazing and all of his plays are amazing for different reasons. For example, Henry V is full of insults and powerful speeches to rally courage, but Hamlet... Hamlet is full of brooding, challenging ideas and themes. In 'to be or not to be' he addresses every basic human question in the most beautiful language.... Anyway, I like Shakespeare and especially Hamlet and today I felt like reminding you that one day you're going to die. Sorry.

And to close it all out, here's a line from Hamlet that wraps everything up nicely. Here he's talking about facing the prospect of death:

There is special providence in the fall of a sparrow.

If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come,

It will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come—

The readiness is all. Since no man, of aught he leaves, knows what is't
to leave betimes, let be.

So there you have it. One day you'll die, maybe tomorrow. But don't worry about it because there's nothing really you can do and remember that God is watching after you.

Also, Shakespeare.

The end.

Some More Shoes.

2011-11-14T11:17:00.001-08:00

Because, glitter makes everything wonderful.

Also, did you know that my custom shoes are water resistant?

That means the colors aren't going to run together.

Oh, you like that about them? Hmm, interesting.

If you want some, you could

email me at jordynashli@gmail.com.

Just sayin.

STEVE.

2011-11-08T17:14:00.000-08:00

Steve is my friend who is also a rubber dinosaur. I like Steve because of his ability to take great pictures; the problem with Steve is that said pictures are so stupid. Today my cousin and I set up a lavish photo shoot with Steve. He enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. My cousin enjoyed it. It was fun all around.

He is wearing rain boots in this picture.

In this picture, he is saying, "BUSCUZE ME,

DOCTOR, CAN I COME INTO YOUR

TARDIS?"

When Steve speaks, it is in all caps.

"LET US SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS."

"LEAVE ME ALONE I'M ASLEEP."

"I'M BEAUTIFUL!"

Well, look what the cat dragged in.

THE END.

Here, use these.

2011-11-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

Here is some more clip art... You can use these next time you're making a flyer. You're welcome.

Here is a fried egg.

Here is some bacon.

This is an egg that is not fried, but maybe it is hard boiled.

Sometimes it's difficult to tell.

These are supposed to be pancakes with syrup.

This is an apple.

This is a cheeseburger with bacon and lettuce and tomatoes.

This is a cookie.

This is a cupcake that looks like it weighs 60 pounds.

This is a tomato.

If you would like to request a different kind of clip art or would like a pair of custom shoes,, email me at jordynashli@gmail.com. Also... please remember to like and share. :)

Food Stuff Clip Arts.

2011-11-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

Please use these. Right now.

Clip art?

2011-10-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

I am trying my hand at some clipart and I'm not sure if I like it or not... You can let me know your thoughts here. I know they're not fancily vectorized like most clipart is. I kept the pencil lines and they're kind of crooked in places so they look homemade. If you like them and would use them or if you hate them and wouldn't, seriously let me know here.

Chess.

2011-10-24T21:22:00.000-07:00

Did chess ever feel intense to you? No? That's because it's not. And truthfully, I can never actually remember which pieces are supposed to do what things but there's something about a well-made chess set that fascinates me. I can't see one without stopping to feel how heavy the pieces are and what they're made of.

Anyway, in a perfect world I think all chess pieces would look a little something like this:

Kind of What I Live My Life By.

2011-10-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

Like and share, pretty please.

Not A Fog Bubbler.

2011-10-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

All I ask is... like and share. :)

Here I said my next post would be directions to make a homemade fog bubbler. I lied.

Okay, let's talk. Let's talk about a little show from across the pond called Doctor Who. Maybe you've heard of it. Maybe you haven't. Here is a brief explanation:

The Doctor is the last of the Time Lords. He travels through time and space with one or more companions. He has the ability to regenerate which means that every couple of seasons The Doctor is replaced by another actor. My favorite Doctor of all time (ALL TIME) is David Tennant. I love him. I love David Tennant. I love him. But he's been replaced now with Matt Smith, who is... I don't like him.

Anyway, The Doctor travels in a funny little spaceship called a TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space). It looks like this:

Also, that's David Tennant. In the 1950's these kinds of phone boxes were all over the place in England. There was a phone on the front of each one with a direct line to the police and you could perform a citizen's arrest and keep the bad guys inside the box. It's explained that the TARDIS has the ability to camouflage itself as whatever it needs to for whenever/wherever it lands. Only it got stuck as a police box when they landed in the 50's. The Doctor claims he could fix it if he wanted, but he thinks it looks retro and cool the way it is (and I agree).

Anyway, did I mention I love Doctor Who? Even though it's silly? Even though the special effects are really terrible? Even though the plots are mediocre?

Guess what I did.

I painted my bedroom door as a TARDIS.

You're jealous. I can feel it.

It turned out wonderfully, I think, and now I can pretend I am a time lord whenever I leave my room and say things like "timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly... stuff."

So what if I'm a geek? Don't be rude.

The end.

Butterbeer, like I promised.

2011-10-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

Today has a theme of Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter. But most of all I love Slytherin house. Let me tell you something. I knew I belonged in Slytherin house from the moment I first read about it. My obsession with Slytherin is borderline embarrassing. My first pair of glasses? Green. My favorite color? Green. My favorite Harry Potter character? Green. Just kidding. My favorite character is (and always has been) Draco Malfoy. Anyway, enough about Slytherin because what this is really about is Butterbeer.

If you don't know what Butterbeer is, you are probably living under a rock and are thus incapable of using the internet or something because, seriously? You don't know what Butterbeer is? It's what Harry Potter (and Draco Malfoy) drinks, that's what. And you should know this by now. Shame on you.

I've wanted to taste the sweet buttery goodness that is Butterbeer since I read the first HP book when I was eight. I've come across a few recipes in my internet travels and so I think mine is the heavenly amalgamation of the good parts from every one of them. Most of it comes from a recipe over at The Pastry Affair, which is a wonderful, wonderful place to find yummy things to bake. Hers calls for apple cider vinegar, which I thought was a bit too strong, and serves it kind of cold and I just think Butterbeer is supposed to be hot. Also, it didn't have enough of a butterscotch taste to me. Anyway, here it is:

Ingredients:

2 cups brown sugar
2 tablespoons water
6 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons salt
2 ¼ cups heavy cream, divided
3 12-ounce bottles of your favorite cream soda (I suggest Stewart's brand or IBC)
½ cup of butterscotch pudding mix
3 teaspoons apple cider

Combine brown sugar and two tablespoons of water; bring to a boil over medium heat. Turn off the heat after it boils for about one minute (make sure it doesn’t get any hotter-- you might have to take it off the burner). Set aside four tablespoons of this syrup to add to the whipped cream.

Next, add butter, salt, butterscotch pudding, apple cider, cream soda, and ¼ cup of heavy cream to the syrup. Stir over medium to high heat until the mixture is smooth and the carbonation from the cream soda is gone. It will look kind of like Jupiter:

For the topping, whip two cups (or more!) heavy cream (also don't forget to add sugar because apparently you have to add sugar when you whip cream... this is something I was unaware of and thought I would share. I added like a fourth a cup and it turned out well, so... yeah.) with the four tablespoons brown sugar mixture, which should be about room temperature but still a syrup (don't let it harden).

Serve hot with lots and lots and lots of whipped-brown-sugar-cream topping. It makes about 10-12 servings.

Now pretend you are Harry Potter.

The end.

P.S. It's super beautiful and perfect-looking, see:

P.P.S. Next I'll put up the directions for a fog bubbler and also my secret-y project that you can learn a clue about here.

Some More Shoes, Self Promotion.

2011-10-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, hey. Here are some more shoes for your viewing pleasure.

BUT FIRST. Go here and like my Facebook page.

Second, tell people about Jab the Artist, also people on Facebook. If you really love me, you'll post a link to my blog or FB page to your profile. Also, if you like my stuffs and you have a Pinterest, you should maybe probably pin some things. You know. I just want to be rich and famous, and right now I'm not.

So there. Now that we have the shameless self-promotion out of the way, here are the shoes:

Unlike the Halloween Shoes, these do not fit the season very well. I apologize. These are very springy and happy. (Did I also mention I do custom shoes?)

Don't touch that dial! My next blog will be instructions for making your very own spectacular fog bubbler that makes spectacular bubbles for Halloween and stuff. I know you can buy them at Target, but mine is much cheaper--and more fun to operate! (Please picture jazz hands right now because that's what I'm doing while I write this). I also plan to post my favorite recipe for Butterbeer sometime soon--that's right, folks, just like the wizards and witches drink in Harry Potter. So lots of Halloween stuff to come.

P.S. There is a very secret-y project going down in my bedroom right now and let's just say it has something to do with my very favorite TV series of all time....

Here's The Deal About Pictures.

2011-10-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

The thing is, I don’t know anything about photography, so you have to judge these pictures the same way you would judge the pictures of a third grader, because seriously that’s probably about my skill level. Also, I don’t have a fancy camera. So double don’t judge me.

Here is a picture I took of a giraffe. Giraffes are wonderful, wonderful creatures.

Yeah for Shoes!

2011-10-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

Guess what. Tis the season. The season for candy corn and costumes and pumpkins and pumpkin shakes and pumpkin cake and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. And, if you live somewhere that is not southern Texas, it is also the season for sweaters and jackets and hot chocolate and apple cider.

Anyway, here are some shoes with a theme specific to Halloween. You can tell because they have skulls and fall leaves and candy corn and stuff.

Here they are.