jack stands and beer cans

Georgia: Nukeland, USA?

2009-02-27T10:23:00.003-05:00

I recently had a conversation with one of my students and he told me about an abandoned underground air force base in north central georgia. The conversation was short lived because after he mentioned this I kicked him in the balls and gave him the stink eye. After I was done gloating about how awesome a teacher I was I decided to look even further into this and I'll be damned if he wasn't right.

This is an area that use to be known as the Georgia Nuclear Aircraft Laboratory. It was run by Lockheed and the Air Force, later in conjunction with UGA and Emory. In the 1950's the site was a lab trying to create a nuclear powered aircraft. That never came to fruition so instead they began testing how a nuclear bomb would affect the surrounding area. And how did they do this you might ask. They would go underground in this semi-secret base and proceed to lift a nuclear reactor (very similar to today's nuke plants) out from underground and activate it.

I know what your saying, "That sounds perfectly safe B why didn't I think of that?" Oh and it gets even more interesting, apparently in 1959 they successfully irradiated the dawson forest in an amount equal to a ground zero detonation of a nuclear bomb. That's a lot!

What would someone do with such a gold mine of property like that? Well Lockheed sold it to the city of Atlanta and now it is a public forest. You can hunt there, go hiking, camping, etc. The remaining buildings have been toppled to foundations, the reactor buried (supposedly) and the underground base access buried and flooded. Now if you are a freak like me, this is too damn fascinating to not go see for yourself. So I think come better weather I'm gonna make a visit to the forest and check this stuff out. All of it except the one building left. You might ask, "But why not?" Because this mysterious building has been sealed with concrete and steel, (a little weird but okay) and it's still radiating!!! (okay, it's not much, but still.)

Match this with the Savannah River Site, (read up and freak out) Vogtle Nuclear, and Hatch Nuclear and it's pretty clear that Georgia is atomic.....boogie woogie woogie.

Now You Have a Reason to Go "vrrrrmm" With Your Mouth

2009-01-27T13:43:00.003-05:00

This is the SSC (Shelby Super Cars) Aero EV. It is a blisteringly fast all electric supercar. You'll notice it's pearly white paint job so the hippies and gearheads alike won't tarnish the finish with crusty stains.

This car can reach 208 mph. And it will go 150-220 miles between recharges. It's clear to see that Shelby is attacking Tesla with all guns drawn. As if paying the utilities wasn't enough to stomp them Shelby has to build a better electric supercar too. 0-60 mph in 2.5 seconds beats the Tesla Roadster by 1.4 seconds and, this is really the kicker, Shelby claims it can be recharged in ten minutes (from a 220v source). Compared to Tesla's 3.5 hour recharge time that's like banging your buddy's sister just to see if she really does have a birthmark shaped like Abe Lincoln, you've heard a lotta hype. But we wanna see proof for ourselves.

Finally, the REAL purpose for the iPod touch

2009-01-20T07:04:00.004-05:00

There is an app for everything!!

You can pour and imaginary beer so you can fall into imaginary relapse and your imaginary wife can take imaginary Billy and Cindy to her imaginary mother-in-laws house until you clean up your act! There's an app that makes a cowbell 'ding' noise. You know, for those times you see Christopher Walken in a restaurant and you really want to ruin his meal in the most digitally annoying way possible. But finally I have seen the true nature behind the iPhone and iPod touch devices. The "BulletFlight" app allows you to input various battleground conditions so you can accurately adjust and aim at that suspicious watermelon sitting on the fence 100 yards away.

Not only did this disturb me but it really brought up a legal question in my mind. What if some lunatic wanted to reach 150,000 points in his own personal version of grand theft auto by picking off shoppers in front of the piggly wiggly on double coupon day? Normally he wouldn't know how to dial in such a weapon, but with his handy dandy ipod touch that's no problem. A couple of finger swipes later and he's reaching four stars on the wanted gauge.

Or what if someone who should have a rifle like this, say law enforcement, has set up shop across the street from a hostage situation and uses this tool to adjust his weapon. He takes the shot and hits the civilian because he was dialed in wrong. Wouldn't Apple be liable in both of these cases?

Just food for thought. Me personally, I'll stick to slinging plungers at non-suspecting rabbid rabbits.

couldn't have said it better myself

2009-01-16T15:16:00.002-05:00

This is a clip from an article by Robert Brockway on cracked.com titled "7 Images Too Badass to Be Real" I laughed for five minutes straight just from the Highlander comment.

Too good not to share:

#7. The Explosive Man

This appears to be a photograph of a man attacking a van with his tremendously explosive forehead - but is in actuality of Dennis Pinto, a stuntman from North Carolina. Dennis seems to have misunderstood exactly what stuntmen are supposed to do which, ideally, is to simulate incredibly dangerous scenarios while in reality remaining safe and secure, because Pinto’s “stunt” here is not actually a photo of a spectacularly destructive failure. This is what was supposed to happen! And that’s why Mr. Pinto is easily the hardest motherfucker on earth: The man sees this horrific orgy of flame and steel, this outtake from a Die Hard movie, this screencap from the biggest budget snuff film in history, and thinks “Total success! That went down exactly how I wanted it to.”

The plan was to race a motorcycle at 60 MPH into the side of a parked van, which would then explode, sending him flying through the flames and out the other side where he would cushion his landing…with a couple of cardboard boxes. And because Dennis Pinto is apparently the Highlander, he also insisted that he be set on fire before they could even start. This man’s typical work day consists of him dying a more catastrophic death than a Batman villain…then getting up and taking a bow. So, next time your job’s got you a little down, just think of ol’ Dennis Pinto here, and realize that any complaints you might have can only serve to make you look like kind of a pussy in comparison. Really, the only way he could make you look worse is if he was doing like, the Kid ‘n Play Shuffle or something while flying through that explosion.

TiVo be damned, I'll watch what I want

2009-01-16T07:12:00.001-05:00

1. I don't like American Idol, but I loved it for 30 seconds.

I can start this one off easy. I don't like the show, don't care who they are, dont care who wins, none of that. The show is of no use to me. But it did produce Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood and they turned out to be pretty darn cute! So when I am sitting in my awesome recliner and a girl comes into the audition wearing a bikini and heels I'm thinking two things: that is one smart girl and man are my pants getting tight around the zipper! Honestly, how did every other tramp with dreams of being more than Miss Hooters Scranton not get this part of the equation right?? When the guy pulling the strings behind the show is a recently dumped self absorbed douche it should be obvious that your escalator to reality tv stardom rests between your shoulders and below your eyes!

So I say congratulations Miss Who Ever in the Hell You Are! You've made it one step closer to filling that "Top 8" with people who care about your feelings and have your well being first in their mind! Click "Approve".

2. Knight Rider is 100% Velvetta

And I don't care one bit! I happen to be one of the 7 people who bought season one of the original Knight Rider on iTunes and after 14 minutes of research I came to a simple conclusion. So was the original! The Hoff and Mr. Feeney we're both equally as cheesy and that show lasted forever. The new show can't be well written and acted, then it wouldn't be true to the original.

So a big slap on the ass to goes to Deanna Russo and the Val Kilmer impersonator's voice for keeping it real

3. Finally a reason to watch HGTV, (other than Amy Wynn Pastor)

Don't Sweat It is a show that stars Steve Watson, the guy from Monster House. This is the kind of contractor you want to show up at the house. Not scared of ripping the wall out, but knows how to put a bar and fully stocked "man room" in it's place. I couldn't tell you when this show is on, I let the DVR figure that one out. It would be in your best interest to catch this show. I like to watch it Sunday mornings in my recliner. It makes me feel so productive I can justify the nap I take shortly after the show. Man, this is tough work.