jacky. rants. stuff.

From Giggly Girls to Japanese Curry

2010-11-27T21:10:00.002-05:00

Wow, I really suck at keeping blogs.

These last few months have been a combination of being busy, lazy, forgetting to write, and staring at my computer screen, not knowing what to write about. But you could argue that it was mostly laziness.

Thus, without further ado, here are a few ramblings for a long-overdue update:

Seven Giggly Girls

Towards the end of August, I returned to the university several weeks early to become a peer advisor for the incoming freshmen. Each peer advisor (known as PAs) is responsible for a group of freshmen, with whom he or she would hold week-long discussions on adjusting to college.

We were all excited to see who our “kids” (as we would call our freshmen advisees) would be and for the interactions that would follow. Lucky for me, my group consisted of seven girls, and I would come to describe them as seven giggly girls. When the girls weren’t calling themselves “Jacky’s Angels,” they were chatting about their newfound college-boy problems.

Nonetheless, it was an experience that I wouldn’t have traded for anything else. Between the late-night sessions and early-morning seminars for PA training, I met many great friends who might have otherwise passed me by. It’s one of those moments where you wonder what would’ve been if you had chosen not to go to this place or do that thing. In the end, you can only smile about how, luckily, everything fell into place.

Now, if only I could forget that “Jacky’s Angels!” part…

Remembering to do Certain Things

In September, I read the book Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom. The narrative begins with the author being asked by his childhood rabbi to deliver his eulogy. Thus, the two become friends during the rabbi’s last years as the author seeks to learn more about the man he feared as a boy. (Albom admits that he falsely imagined his rabbi as anything but gentle and forgiving.)

Throughout the chapters, the rabbi spoke of learning to cherish and forgive. One story, in particular, stuck to me. Here’s my attempt to paraphrase:

The rabbi had just finished giving a sermon at a funeral. The widowed husband stood next to him, mourning the death of his wife.

At first, a few tears drifted off the husband’s cheeks. “I loved my wife,” he whimpered, and the rabbi nodded.

Then the husband began to cry. “I really, truly, loved her,” he sobbed, and once again the rabbi nodded.

Finally, the man broke down and wept.

“I almost told her that once,” he said.

The story referred to the pain of having regrets and reminded me that, while it’s never too late, life is still so fleeting.

Witty Costume Ideas

On a lighter note, the end of October called for Halloween festivities. As I readied for the parties, my friend refused to partake in the celebrations because it was against his religion. So I suggested that he should forget that the holiday existed and jump into costumes just for the hell (no pun intended) of it.

Needless to say, that didn’t work.

Unlike some of the college students, I didn’t want to spend money on a tutu or dinosaur outfit. So, I made myself a cereal-box shirt and purchased a plastic knife. Ten points to whoever can guess what I was going for.

There Can Never Be Too Much Food

In November, I learned to cook edible food for my friends. After a couple tries, I figured out the secret ingredients to Japanese curry: apple slices and Hershey’s chocolate. I would make this curry with chicken, ground beef, for house dinners, for myself, and even when one of my friends ran out of food/groceries at her place.

I’m pretty sure my housemates would kick my ass if I suggest Japanese curry for one more meal. Fortunately for them, I don’t have any photos of my favorite meal. But I do have a picture of ramen from a Ramen Reunion!

The Little Things That Don’t Matter As Much

The other day, I flipped a coin. Heads said I make a new blog and delete this one. Tails said I keep this one. I ended up making a new blog. If you’re interested, go check it out! I’m not sure where I’ll go with the new site, but it’ll probably be shorter, more frequent, blurbs.

As for this blog, there’s no way I can delete it! How else could I laugh at my old rants?

So what’s been going on in your lives these last few months? Lemme know!

The Girl with Dry Humor

2010-08-11T03:25:00.006-04:00

Let’s be honest here; I’m a pretty immature guy.

As much as I enjoy reading books and studying economic theories, laughing at stupid jokes will always be the highlight of my day. If the punch line is inappropriate, I’ll be giggling happily with tears.

So when I met this girl who shared my humor, I thought I had found heaven. But, alas, she refused to give me the time of day, no matter how many times I said to her, “Hey, forget high school; let’s get married.”

Side note: I once saw this cartoon. The artist had drawn a Venn diagram. One side stated “Guys who make jokes about dating their female friends” while the other said “Guys who wouldn’t hesitant to date their female friends if given the chance.” And the punch line? There was only one circle. I had a good chuckle.

Anyways, we became good friends during our four years together at boarding school. During vacations, we spent hours and days on the phone. She would fume about some creepy guy hitting on her, and I would ramble about lacrosse games. In-between complaints and contemplations, we’ll laugh about…ahem…baby-punching jokes.

Yes, these were tasteless and offensive funnies that helped us bond. I would tell her the comical one-liners, and she would be hysteric with laughter. When we were exploring the streets of SoHo, New York, such a scene became quite the embarrassment. But we didn’t care. We just wanted to hear a joke, and the answer was always, “Women’s rights! Bahaha!”

After we received our high school diplomas, we disappeared into different worlds and it seemed that the hilarity would go with it. Our homes were far apart, and our colleges even farther. Slowly, that bond was lost with newfound friends and completely different academic interests. With each phone conversation, our hours dwindled to minutes and vague text messages.

Suddenly, I realized I could no longer laugh at those old jokes. I didn’t want to be that kid who kept his juvenile traits while the classmates and friends went on to become responsible adults. It’s even more humiliating when you try to revert to crude vulgarity and your friend responds with a fake and slightly uncomfortable laugh.

And, thus, I focused on finding new wit and developing a bit of sensibility. Sure, I kept in touch with this girl whenever I could. We talked about each other’s new relationships and where we wanted to work. I stopped with the one-liners and she no longer made a scene in a New York coffee shop. Things were different. But then, since life is full of the unexpected, she sent me a message of a joke. It was quoted from a funny-text-messages website:

(314): There’s a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
(818): Punch her baby.

“I seriously had to leave my desk because I couldn’t stop laughing,” she added.

Like the old days, our friendship still revolved around making each other laugh. And, so, I laughed with her.

You know what; I guess I still am a pretty immature guy.

Getting Personal in Ten Facts

2010-08-09T02:34:00.007-04:00

Recently, I was asked by a few fellow bloggers about opening up more communications via email and Facebook. Due to my discomfort with crossing certain boundaries of privacy, I declined and replied that perhaps when I become more invested with the blogging community, I’ll change my view. Thus, as a step towards becoming more personal, I’ve decided to list ten things about my life.

Just kidding; I just enjoy making lists.

1. I once watched two entire seasons of Grey’s Anatomy before realizing that the show was targeting a more feminine audience.

2. The first English word I learned was “Robert” during kindergarten. It wasn’t very helpful when I wanted to show the teacher that I was hungry or needed to go to the bathroom.

3. In sixth grade, I wrote a scary story using all my classmates, including my friend’s younger sister. To describe her, I wanted to use a synonym for ‘pretty.’ Using my illiteracy, I went with ‘erotic.’ Needless to say, my friend wasn't too happy.

4. My first sip of alcohol was during sophomore year of boarding school, and it was from a bottle of Jamaican Rum. My Jamaican roommate told me to drink it and that, if I spat it out, I would have to drink it again.

5. Due to my religious following of Rocket Power as a child, I tend to use “dude” in many of my everyday conversations.

6. When I’m rich, I’m going to buy a Formula 1 vehicle. But that’s only if I’m rich.

7. My favorite movie is (and will always be) Hercules. My favorite song in that movie is “I Won’t Say I’m In Love.” Of course, I would never tell my lacrosse teammates any of this.

8. At the age of ten, I finally learned to ride a bicycle. I rode right off a wooden deck, and into a river.

9. To this day, I refuse to play any video games that exceed the difficulty level of Tetris. Why? Because I could never get past the first level of Super Mario Bros on my Nintendo-64.

10. I still watch Grey’s Anatomy.

So, I'm intrigued; what are some facts about you? And what’s your take on confidentiality within the blogging world?

Long-Distance Love

2010-08-03T02:40:00.007-04:00

Being a single guy, my biggest worry is usually what the next TV show is on the Food Network. However, my recently-taken friend is often wondering about the difficulties of a relationship, especially since they will be worlds apart once the summer is over. Thus, I’ve decided to share my perspectives on long-distance romances. To the readers, I hope you enjoy it. To my friend, you should probably do the opposite of anything I write here.

I’m about to enter a long-distance relationship! What should I do?

Buy a lot of cheesecake, and be prepared to deal with lots of happiness smeared with misery and doubt, and then perhaps some more happiness.

Do I really need to think about my relationships two years down the road?

Unless there are children or living situations involved (or if you’re married), no! Whether you plan it or not, every relationship will develop through unexpected obstacles and comforts. If you try too hard to force your own perception of what you want the courtship to be, the joy and fun will be lost.

How often should we get in touch?

Definitely enough so you both know what’s going on in each other’s lives, but not enough that you know when she does her laundry.

Humor aside, healthy communication’s a significant part of being in a commitment and being able to appreciate the relationship. Even if you’re just sharing a few jokes or saying hi, it could make a happy difference in one another’s day.

What if I’m awkward with phone conversations?

You’re in luck. We live in a world of text messages, social networks, e-mails, and the ever-romantic letters-through-the-mailbox. There will always be ways for you to keep in touch and show your caring love.

If these methods fail, you can always use a webcam and make funny faces at each other for hours on end.

We’ve been doing this long-distance thing for awhile, and I think I’m starting to lose feelings for the other person. How do I address this?

It’s always better to make this known to your significant other; that way, you can both come to a mutual understanding. Maybe you’d want to take a break and see how this feels. Maybe you can plan to visit each other and rekindle your love by a nice, candle-lit, steak dinner. Having a steak dinner can never be the wrong move.

I’m afraid my girlfriend may have lost interest in this relationship. What now?

If she missed one call in the week, it’d be damaging to let your mind wander towards this direction. But if you truly feel this way, you should speak up about it! Emphasize the importance of honesty and you’ll both be better off knowing (and in some circumstances, learning to accept) whatever reality comes from each other’s feelings. Also, read the question/answer above.

I did something my girlfriend is unhappy about and now she is calling to talk about it. I’ve had a long day, so can I not pick up?

Wrong question! You pick that phone up right now!

There’s a cute girl making passes towards me at the party. What do I do?

Is this girl Blake Lively? No? Does this girl come with gratuitous amounts of cheesecake? Yes? Then go for it.

For a guy that knows nothing about relationships, these are my answers to relationship questions. What are yours, and how would/do you deal with them?

Hannah's Eyes

2010-07-31T18:04:00.009-04:00

Summer break’s coming to a rapid end and I still have so many books and tasks to finish before heading back to school. Luckily, as promised in my summer to-do-list, I finally sketched out a portrait! Here are some of the details.

Of course, I first had to set up a small work space and gather my supplies. Being an aspiring amateur artist, I know nothing of the variety of sketching utensils. Instead, I opted for a No.2 mechanical pencil, a ruler, a small lamp, a few sheets of computer paper, and a 9 by 12-inch canvas.

I also cheated and decided to use a photo of my friend. It was better than paying someone to pose for several hours a day…and learning how to reproduce a three-dimensional image on a textured plane. Did I mention I’m an aspiring amateur artist?

Using the ruler and scrap paper, I started with a rough sketch of the photo to make sure I was accurate in my estimations of how far the eyes were from the base of the mouth, and where the earlobe should be drawn.

Yes, her eyes definitely weren’t sparkly enough.

I then went on to draw a more thorough draft within a larger frame. This allowed me to get a better idea of what the picture would look like on canvas. After a few crumpled balls of paper, I managed to improve on the facial features and figure out where to add darker texture or mellow down the shading.

The nerve-racking part was transferring the image onto the cotton canvas and making it better. I had no idea how well the material would show the difference of shadows, or whether I could even erase on it!

After thousands to minute revisions and hundreds of accidental grayed pencil smudges, I saw an image that began to resemble my friend, and I set my pencil down. The entire project, from setting up a pseudo-office to the last pencil mark, took about 16 hours over the course of 5 days.

I named the art piece “Hannah’s Eyes” because the eyes were both the hardest to draw and, to me, the most alluring feature. They might not be perfect (yet…) but it’s where I look at first when examining the picture.

I would like to thank my friends for their helpful critiques throughout the process. Without Ali, Aaron, Hang Tian, and Hannah, the lips might still be crooked or the eyes too sharp. Drawing this was also made more fun by their humorous comments, such as these:

“The eyes need to be rounder. Also, is this part of your grand scheme to get Hannah to like you??? LOL!” – Aaron

“Yeah, I think it looks like me. I look like a man hahaha.” – Hannah

“She looks beautiful, but you must put in more love for the picture, or for her.” – Hang Tian

Thanks for your unconditional support, everyone.

But most importantly, I have to thank Hannah for being the model in this drawing! I couldn’t make the illustration as pretty as she is in real life (Bam! Two points for sucking up) but hey, it could happen someday. Maybe when I’m more than an aspiring amateur artist.

Laugh and Love

2010-07-23T04:06:00.001-04:00

I wrote this short piece during an overnight train ride to Shanghai. It came from my thoughts as I read “Into the Wild” by Jon Krakauer. The story led me to reflect a bit on my own values, and this is where I ended up. Hopefully, you can bear with me, as I’m not usually too emotionally invested in my writings here, and therefore, am not sure if I really conveyed a message. Anyways, enjoy!

Often times I am left staring into memories and questions. I tell myself to hold no regrets for the past, and promise never to give in to any hardships. Between the daydreams of romance and friendship, there are layers of wanting to help the poor and taking up a hobby of photography. They lead me to wonder about my life in it s entirety. Am I unaware of some deeper passion? How do I turn a dream into reality? How far do my actions echo? More importantly, I wonder not of my own self, but of myself in relation to others. How do I show her that I truly care? How can I change this ragged man’s vagabond life? How can I be a better person? Have I been a good person?

But someone once told me that I think too much. And I realized life is much more than just memories and questions. It’s even more than just turning dreams into realities. Life is much more because it is much simpler. No, rather, life is much more because it transcends simplicity. Life is hidden in plain sight and stares right through past regrets and forthcoming adversities. And while I have yet to find it, I have learned where to look. Underneath the romances and friendships, I have found an answer that may take a lifetime to realize. But before I am gone, I promise, I will have lived to laugh, and to love.

-Jacky Cheng
July 12, 2010

Little Ramblings From Shanghai

2010-06-18T14:36:00.009-04:00

Between the overcrowded bus rides and quaint noodle shops, these last two weeks in Shanghai has been more than amazing. It’s been a lot to take in and my mind has been all over the place, so here are just a few thoughts I’d like to share.

Quel est le World Exposition?

Shanghai has gone gaga over hosting the World Expo. There’s not a street corner in the city without bulletins or mansion-sized posters illustrating the event. The theme of this year’s Expo (it happens once every five years, and various nations compete to host the five-month-long display) is “Better City. Better Life.” Different countries come together with pavilions, showcasing their idea of the theme. Some of the structures are absolutely breath-taking!

Unfortunately, the average wait to see the inside of these buildings is about two to three hours in line. The Japanese Pavilion even boasts a six-hour wait! Daily admittance into the Chinese Pavilion is closed by 9am, as people are already lined up by 7am. Thus, you can really only see about four pavilions on any given day.

Here are some photos to show why anyone would want to wait so long.

Rule #1 to Becoming A Professional Photographer: Pretend To Be One

About a week ago, I, along with some family members, took a couple day-trips to nearby cities of Wuxi and Suzhou. I brought a camera along to shoot a few photos of us and the gorgeous landscapes to show my friends where I had gone for the summer. Needless to say, that didn’t go as planned. It wasn’t long before I started crouching and shifting angles to capture various lights and objects in one single moment.

Photography had never been a hobby of mine, but I must say the experience was fun and very enjoyable. Now I can add a DSLR to my list to items to purchase when I become a millionaire.

Here are few of my attempts to portray art within a frame.

Extended Family Members Will Make You Overweight

“Here, eat this plate of Xialongbao! And have some Shengjianbao too! And don’t forget the Zhongzi!”

Okay, grandma, thanks! Don’t worry, I’ll help myself!

“No, have all of it! You don’t have to be polite!”

Oh, really, I’m not being polite. I just can’t finish all-

“I said, you don’t have to be polite!”

(I then proceed to stuff every food into my mouth, and my grandma nods and smiles)

The World Cup and Stuff

Today’s top headlines: Spain improbably hands victory to Switzerland. Serbia stuns soccer world with upset over Germany. The Jabulani deemed worst soccer ball ever designed. Lebron James and his Cavaliers finally win the NBA championship. Blake Lively tweets that she enjoys reading my blog!

Okay, so maybe those last two stories aren’t entirely true…

More pictures, with no relation to the World Cup whatsoever.

So how are your June days unfolding? Are you following the soccer matches? (Any team in particular?) Anyone out there willing to donate a spare DSLR?

Aspirations, Ambitions, Tomatoes, To-mah-toes

2010-05-31T05:48:00.006-04:00

Ever since lacrosse practices and final exams came to an end, there has been amble risk of me becoming lazy. So, before I convince myself that three months of self-reflection is adequate, here are a few things I strive to do before going back to school.

Visit China – This is actually going to happen in a couple days! Besides marveling at the World Expo in Shanghai, I’ll also be seeing my grandparents! Hopefully, lots of pictures will be taken. But (Ahem, warning: About to read lame political joke) since I don’t think communist states allow the internet, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post too often. (End lame political joke. But seriously, some people have such biased opinions of China!) Whatever happens, it’s certainly gonna be an exuberant trip!

Read and Then Read Some More – Between lengthy airplane rides and quiet nights at home, I will definitely be curling up with a couple novels and monographs. You can never go wrong with learning a little more on European history or just anticipating the plot twist in Dan Brown’s stories. In fact, books would probably be my third favorite birthday present, behind cheesecake and a date with Blake Lively.

Finish A Portrait – I used to absolutely love drawing. It was almost an obsession. Sadly, college has kept me from sitting down with just a pencil and blank canvas. Art is definitely a passion I’d like to return to, so I’m gonna start (And finish!) the drawing of my friend that I’ve been meaning to do.

See Old Pals – There are some friends who I haven’t seen in over a year, but still talk to almost every day. While I can hear their voice over the phone, I have pretty much have forgotten what they look like. (Blame the short-term-memory-loss problems that I’ve convinced myself of having…) Hopefully I’ll be able to see them before we really lose touch!

Take My Vitamins – If only one factor compelled me to consume my daily requirements of Thiamine and Ergocalcifero, it’s that I bought my vitamins in chewable gummy form. It's all part of my plan to athletically improve for lacrosse. Of course, I should also exercise regularly, get sufficient sleep, and, hell, maybe even eat a tomato or two.

So what are your plans for the summer (Or winter, if you're in the Southern Hemisphere...)? Are you taking up anything new, or perhaps rekindling an old ardor?

I Lost My Number, Can I Have Yours?

2010-05-21T03:30:00.002-04:00

A few weeks back, this girl told me that I seemed like a flirtatious person. My friend decided to butt into the conversation, exclaiming, “Ha, are you kidding me?! Jacky wouldn’t know what flirting was if it slapped him across the face!”

That’s only half-true.

It’s not that I don’t understand the concept of flirting. For most college guys, it’s about picking up some girl at a random party. Who knows; maybe one hook-up will turn into a fling. Maybe, the fling will turn into a relationship of charming attractions and, just maybe, the relationship will turn into an engagement ring.

But, for now, it’s about picking up the girl.

When you flirt, you have two intentions in mind: Catch the person’s interest, and have it be one of positive curiosity. It can be done with a few small jokes, a couple intriguing questions, and occasionally, the playful stroke on her (or his) arm. At the end, there might even be a wink. Simply put, you’re attempting to make the other person like you, whether it’s for a one-night stand or a long-term courtship. You…uh…you…

Shit, maybe I don’t understand what flirting is.

Nonetheless, I just don’t like it. It’s too much of being pretentious. Flirting usually leads to too many jokes that aren’t funny and too many questions that just don’t garner any constructive answers. Do I really care if a complete, albeit attractive, stranger is enjoying the keg party? Would it really matter if she laughs when I ask her, “Hey, are you free for the rest of your life?” (Warning: using cheesy pick-up lines may cause harm to your reputation.) Probably not.

Plus, I suck at winking.

Hell, this is certainly a skewed idea of what flirting entails. So, enlighten me. What’s your take on wooing someone?

P.S: Special thanks to my friend, Humza, and his many drunken statements, along with Mariana, who refuses to believe that she is my favorite person in the world.

My Listography

2010-04-14T14:44:00.004-04:00

You can’t go wrong with making lists.

Whether it’s for grocery shopping or organizing research papers, I always enjoy jotting down short mental memos onto scrap-paper. In fact, even when I’m feeling too lazy to write, the problem can be solved with lists. Thus, here’s my own listography:

5 Foods I Could Eat Forever On a Deserted Island

1.Cheesecake
2.Japanese curry
3.Spicy salmon onigiri
4.Zongzi
5.Chicken Parmesan sandwich

5 Actress-Girlfriends I Would Bring Home to Mom

1.Blake Lively
2.Ellen Pompeo
3.Rashida Jones
4.Camilla Belle
5.Zooey Deschanel

5 Things I’d rather do Than a Philosophy Paper

1.My laundry
2.Stare aimlessly at a wall
3.A history paper
4.A friend’s laundry
5.List fifty more things I’d rather do than a philosophy paper

5 Books I Can Read Over and Over Again

1.“Alas, Babylon” by Pat Frank
2.“Rant” by Chuck Palahniuk
3.“The Lost Symbol” by Dan Brown
4.“Holes” by Louis Sachar
5.“One Fat Summer” by Robert Lipsyte

5 Things That Bring Tears to My Eyes

1.The movie “Letters from Iwo Jima”
2.Peeling onions
3.Tears of a loved one
4.Saying goodbye to friends I’ll likely never see again
5.Memories of my grandpa

5 Things That Bring Smiles to My Face

1.The movie “Hercules”
2.Friends singing wildly to 90s’ music
3.The kids I work with at a mentoring program
4.Genuinely happy people
5.My dad’s jokes

So, out of curiosity, how would your lists turn out? What makes you laugh and cry?

One-Night Stands and Ramen

2010-03-15T03:55:00.002-04:00

Last night, my friend Crystal asked me, “Who do you like hanging out with more, your Asian friends or the lax-bros?”

To make this story less interesting, I actually couldn’t choose. But I did realize that I like the two different cliques for opposite reasons.

You see, many people associate collegiate lacrosse players with chugging beers and being in a perpetual habit of wearing sunglasses. At best, some complain about how the lax-bros are constantly wearing sweatshirts and listening to Biggie Smalls. At worst, the lacrosse team is perceived as weed addicts who fail every class and only chat about one-night stands.

…Not that there’s anything wrong with one-night stands…

All jokes aside, it’s a bit disheartening when I see others categorize lax-bros with these qualities. Such generalizations take away from what the team really is about. Plenty of my teammates choose not to smoke or drink, and a few more are even at the top of their Organic Chemistry classes. Besides, I enjoy sitting around in the locker room because we all value friendship and respect towards each other on the field, and with everyone else off the field.

Sure, there might be a couple assholes, but I bet even the Swiss curling team has their share of womanizers.

Now, on the contrary, hanging out with Asians is fun because we really do fit our stereotypes.

Perhaps it’s my odd sense of humor, but I always seem to find laughter in labeling when they are spot-on accurate. I mean, once, we really did get together to slurp cups of ramen late into the night. The scene of five Chinese students gorging on “Oriental” foods must have been a bit ridiculous. Through the hungry silence, Crystal would giggle in-between bites. Not even a Garfield comic-strip could have been funnier at the time.

Sure, any slightly chauvinistic individual would’ve laughed and jeered at us. But would I laugh with that person? Absolutely!

After all, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, we could never appreciate how comical life can be.

Cooking Like A College Kid

2010-03-08T02:29:00.001-05:00

With Spring break underway, I will be spending this next week at school because of lacrosse training. It’s great since I get to hang out with my friends and teammates. It’s even better because now I have all the time to learn to cook. And the best part? I’m just living a life of friendships and cuisines. Here’s a few recipes on making that work.

A Manly Steak
12-ounce top sirloin steak
Montreal Steak seasoning
Olive Oil

Take the steak out of the wrapper (Duh…) and set it on a plate. Sprinkle both sides with a moderate amount of seasoning so it doesn’t smother the actual flavor of the meat. Afterwards, dribble a little olive oil on the steak, and rub until it is spread evenly. As you let the steak marinate for a few minutes, place a skillet pan on a heated stove-top so it’s sizzling beforehand.

Now, before you sear the steak, make sure to open all windows and/or completely cover the fire alarm. (Note to self: Covering the fire alarm may be a bad idea…) As soon as the steak is in the pan, the olive oil will immediately smoke up, so savor the aroma as it fogs up the room. Let the steak cook according to your taste, and flip it only once. Remember to account for the thickness of the beef cut, and be patient!

Once the steak is done, compliment it with a movie about Spartans or American football. If you don’t feel masculine enough, try eating with bare hands. Then attempt to wrestle the entire lacrosse team.

The Buffalo Chicken Panini That Will Make You More Friends
Sliced buffalo chicken
Sliced Provolone cheese
Sliced tomatoes
Oatnut bread
Butter

Smear generous amounts of butter on inside of both slices of oatnut bread. Apply slices of Provolone cheese, then sliced tomatoes, and finally, sliced buffalo chicken on top of the butter. Let your personal preferences (Or how much money you have for groceries…) decide how many slices of everything should go into the sandwich. Then smack the two sides of bread together in a panini-grill, and let it cook until near-burnt.

Not only is the buffalo chicken panini delicious beyond words, it is also a symbol of friendship. Offer it to a next-door neighbor or your secret crush, and they will see that you care and are prepared to take your relationships to the next level.

Cheap Chicken Alfredo
Diced chicken breast
Rotini pasta
Chopped Broccoli
Canned Alfredo sauce
Butter
Olive Oil

Pour the Rotini pasta into a pot of boiling water along with some butter, and stir until it is tender. As the pasta cooks, spread a thin layer of olive oil on a skillet pan and sauté the diced chicken breast. Unless you’re a fan of salmonella, be sure to cook the chicken to a golden brown.

Meanwhile, microwave the chopped broccoli with a few teaspoons of water. Drain the water from the cooked pasta and add a few spoonfuls of Alfredo sauce into the pot. Mix with the chicken and broccoli, and water if the blend becomes too dry. For additional zest, spice it up with some salt and pepper.

To make the cooking easier, have a friend help out. I certainly can’t cook chicken and pasta by myself. Plus, who would want to get food poisoning by themselves?

People You Should Meet

2010-02-21T06:10:00.004-05:00

College isn’t nearly as interesting as it should be.

This semester has been a monotonous schedule of philosophy classes and 4-hour-long lacrosse practices. If I’m lucky, the day might even include a Sudoku puzzle! Anyways, before I get too boring for you, here are some of the individuals that keep my life from becoming completely dull.

The Delightful Lax-Bro – In all honesty, I only play lacrosse so I can listen to my senior captain sing Miley Cyrus’ songs as we work out.

The Girl from Beijing – Have you ever met an attractive European girl who speaks fluent Mandarin? Ever???

The Ping-Pong Buddy – The intense table tennis matches become comical once we attempt to grunt like professional tennis players.

The Inappropriate Assistant Coach – The entire lacrosse team loves this guy. Why? Practices can only be fun when someone ends every sentence with “Fucking a’ right!”

The Best Worst Friend – For my birthday, she got me a raspberry-colored women’s sweatshirt. And I kept it.

The Ridiculous Philosophy Professor – No other teacher would ask students not to sext during class…

The One I’m Going To Propose To – First, we made a bet on which team would win the Super Bowl. Then, she baked me chocolate-chip-peanut-butter cookies. Need I say more?

Of course, life is sometimes about spending a little alone-time to solve a Rubik’s cube, but for the most part, it’s about appreciating the people you have in your life. Even if you’re okay with seclusion…well, wouldn’t you want to meet attractive European women (or men)?

So who captivates your life?

Cool To Do Drugs

2010-01-15T22:42:00.005-05:00

Being the avid history major that I am, I recently finished reading Duh! The Stupid History of the Human Race by Bob Fenster. The hilarious book includes an array of anecdotes, and I decided to draw a cartoon for one of them. Hope you enjoy!

Here’s the actual passage:

“An antidrug group in New York distributed free pencils to school kids with the antidrug message, ‘Too Cool to Do Drugs.’

It started out okay, but got worse and worse when the kids actually used the pencils, As the pencils were worn down and sharpened, the message changed to: ‘Cool to Do Drugs.’ Then: ‘Do Drugs.’”

Inappropriate Conversations

2010-01-08T04:47:00.005-05:00

Attention; my friend and I have officially justified cheating in a relationship! Through a strenuous thought process, we have come up with the following reasons:

“It’s not cheating if you don’t love the second girl.”

“Your girlfriend wants you to be happy, right? Well…”

“The denunciation of cheating is merely a product of societal obstacles, alongside racism and classism.”

“It’s also not cheating if you don’t love your girlfriend.”

Yes; these are the topics I come across when speaking with a good friend from high school. We were once roommates, classmates, and teammates before leaving for two completely different colleges. As he bathes under the balmy Florida sun, I look forward to struggling through New England winters. Yet, while we haven’t hung out since last May and our schedules (Or a lack of interest…) prevent us from mailing letters to each other, these are the matters discussed when we do chat.

As we laugh hysterically at one another’s comments, (Note: our conversations are riddled with sarcasm. Please do not cheat on your significant other.) I can only imagine what passing eavesdroppers may think about the immaturity and senselessness. Shouldn’t two good friends, who’ve been through so much together, discuss more important issues? Why don’t they bother to ask about each other’s aspirations, or even how the family is?

Well, is that what you ask your best friends?

I certainly don’t.

For me, the best of friendships is not about being able to pour out your emotions to someone. Instead, it’s when you can find laughter in the awkward and uncomfortable, because that’s the hardest to obtain.

And of course, it all starts with sharing adultery jokes.

Guest Post: LOL by Dan Helm

2009-12-19T02:28:00.006-05:00

Yes! Finally done with finals! (The Urban Economics exam was a cruel and unusual punishment...) Winter break begins tomorrow, and it's certainly been an enjoyable night with my friends. So, without further ado, because it's the holiday season, here's my gift to you! This is a guest post written by a good friend of mine, Dan Helm. He's quite comedic, so enjoy!

I really don’t understand the obsession with typing ‘L-O-L.” It makes no sense when you think about it. “LOL” stands for laughing out loud. But really, what other kind of laughing is there? You cannot tell me that you can laugh silently, because that’s not laughing. That’s only thinking something’s funny, or smiling. According to dictionary.com, laughing is “to express mirth, pleasure, derision, or nervousness with an audible, vocal expulsion of air from the lungs that can range from a loud burst of sound to a series of quiet chuckles and is usually accompanied by characteristic facial and bodily movements.”

You see, making noise is in the definition of laughing. Now we have unoriginal children everywhere typing “LOL” on instant messenger between every two words. It’s nauseating. And because it’s so popular among young people, you can’t see one advertisement for a comedy that’s coming out without hearing the phrase “It’s laugh out loud funny!” Really? Well, yeah it’s a comedy with Adam Sandler for fuck’s sake. I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point of a comedy; to make people laugh. Why else would I be seeing it?

Now let’s look at “lol” in context when used on instant messaging:

Person 1: I was looking for my wallet for ten minutes before I realized I had it in my pocket the whole time.

Person 2: lol.

The second person is basically calling the first person silly. Seriously, that’s what typing “lol” is most of the time. It sounds like you’re calling someone silly. Shouldn’t Person 2 be replying with something else such as “Wow, you’re a dumb-ass.” Replying with “lol” all the time just sounds so feminine. This is why it’s confusing as to why guys use it so much. I can somewhat understand when you’re typing to a girl, because they use the phrase so much. But when typing to a fellow male, we need hope, we need change, and yes we can; the power is at your finger tips.

The Little Post-Its

2009-12-14T05:43:00.007-05:00

These last three weeks has become very monotonous. I wake up, brush my teeth, rinse my mouth, rush to class, do lacrosse drills, study economics, and collapse into sleep-mode.

Rinse, and repeat.

Then, every Friday morning, (by morning, I mean somewhere around 3am…) I leave a post-it note on my housemate’s door. It’s a little message for her to wake up to because, every Friday at 6am, she has to drag herself to swim practice.

It all started when I had 6am practices for lacrosse. Now, let me just say it straight: 6am practices are atrocious. It’s cruel to have to struggle outta bed just to run fitness drills. So, since I’m incapable of making a hearty breakfast, a small square of scribbles is the least I can leave as a little pick-me-up for her. Sometimes I’ll just write “Dearest Morgan, Wake up! Love, Jacky.” Other weeks I’ll draw a simple picture of sunny side up eggs and bacon. And then I’ll jab it on her door.

Stick, and repeat.

Pardon the pun, but this is where things get sticky.

This is where my other housemates accuse me of harboring a crush for her. They start asking me, “Why don’t you leave me love notes? It’s because you like her, isn’t it?” If I’m found talking to her, they’ll blurt out “Hey Jacky, stop hitting on Morgan!” The list of teasing can last for quite awhile.

As much as it’s all jokes and whatnot, I always wind up asking myself why I leave the sticky notes. I do it because I care for her as a friend…right? But are you allowed to leave ‘love notes’ on someone’s door out of mere friendship? I’ll be honest; I would never leave a post-it for my teammates. (That would really just ruin lacrosse practices…) Even if I left one for my roommate, my housemates would laugh it off as a mockery of bromance.

So, can I leave ‘love notes’ for a girl out of mere friendship?

In the end, I guess I could probably care less. Sure, I’ll wonder about what changes “mon amie,” to “je t’aime.” As I tear off the little slips of blue post-its, my mind will ask if I’m crossing the lines of amity. It’ll be the same every Thursday night. Just as long as it makes her happy.

Friends can say that, right?

Rants from a Guy to Girl

2009-11-16T04:09:00.005-05:00

This year has been hectic, as my housing situation consists of four girls and four guys in one apartment floor. Amidst an atmosphere of sexual tension, (Just kidding. We all follow a strict “No Roommate-Loving” rule and it has been working very well) I’m learning a lot from these ladies. For example, women also like to play FIFA 10! All jokes aside, here are a few thoughts I’ve learned to share with my housemates.

Stop Reading “Cosmos”
Trust me on this one; articles on pleasing guys should not cover 10 pages.

Seriously, there are not 101 ways to seduce a man. We would not notice if you’re gently stroking your thigh in mid-conversation. That, in guy world, constitutes as an itch. Do you want us to think you have itchy legs? Just tell us if you’re interested in any sort of a relationship. Keep in mind that if a guy wants to date you, he will date you. Reading magazines on getting your dream boy-toy will only make things complicated and cause insecurity.

In fact, the entire issue can be simplified into one word: cheesecake. Bake your crush/boyfriend/husband/pool-boy a slice of cheesecake and he’ll be yours for quite a while. I’m not even kidding. Delectable desserts never fail in showing him your love and desire. Maybe you could even add a little whip cream…

Dirty Socks Can Be Worn Twice
It’s never about what you wear; it’s about how you wear it.

Yeah, as if you haven’t heard that about a thousand times…

Some of the most ridiculously good-looking girls I’ve ever met show up at parties in miniskirts and lacy tops. They look great with the red lips and blackened eyelashes, and all the drooling bros flock to them. But at the end, the ladies are the ones who look stunning with a sweatshirt and casually ruffled curls.

Guys could care less if girls take only a minute to get dressed with a gigantic frayed hoodie. Don’t spend hours deciding which dress best accentuates your bra! Really, it’s not worth the effort. The world won’t collapse if you wear the same green and blue socks from yesterday. It’s all good as long as they don’t smell.

Thoughts on Platonic Relationships
In all honesty, good friendships and opposite genders rarely go together.

About ninety percent of the girls I meet will never amount to lasting amity. I hate to admit it, but most guys are going to want something more from female friends. It may be a date, or just someone to share flirty words with, but we usually aren’t interested in just the childhood stories or boyfriend problems.

And in all honesty, I think that’s a dreadful situation.

Such attitudes create a false sense of compassion within both genders. (I’m sure some girls act like this too!) Afterwards, I would just feel guilty and guilt only brings stress.

Thus; I’m grateful I’ve found four housemates whom I can be friendly with and not wonder if they think I’m fishing for their digits. Platonic friendships are really something to be cherished. Otherwise, how else could we share laughter at Cosmopolitan sex advice columns?

Fake Friendships Are the Best

2009-11-01T02:21:00.003-05:00

The other day I strutted by a very peculiar statement.

“Wow, you look like a homeless person!” said this girl as she nonchalantly commented on her girl-friend’s outfit.

Man, girls are absolutely brutal to each other! I was astounded to see the girl-friend just smile and mumble a response, appearing indifferent to any insults. If that were me, I would’ve replied with something along the lines of “Yeah, well, your mother doesn’t love you.” (Pardon my humor…) For all I know, that girl-friend could’ve been having the absolute worst day of her life, and this girl just completely shits on her!

“Yeah, well, you look pudgy!” That’s what I would’ve shouted back at her.

If this were between two guys on the lacrosse team (Maybe even just two guys), everyone would discard the conversation as mechanisms at work for manhood. Just simple witty blurps and nothing more. But am I right in thinking that? Perhaps I’m too dim-witted to realize that my teammates and childhood friends are just mocking my life? I don’t mean to sound insecure, but how exactly should I interpret “Jacky! Use your kung-fu to get us some dumplings!”?

“Yeah, well, at least I’m not a burger-inhaling fat American!” Yup, that’s as good as my comebacks get.

Instead, I laugh at the implications of stereotyping and racial discrimination. Hell, I even chuckled a little when my girl-friend (Whom I share the platonic relationship with) implied that I couldn’t incorporate Dick In A Box into my Halloween costume because of a “small” Asian complication.

“Wait, is that why we’re just friends???”

In the end, I’m glad I’m too dumb to understand the thin line between funny sarcasm and tasteless insolence. Overanalyzing dialogue would ruin any level of friendship with conflicts and undisclosed tension. What matters is whether or not you can get a smile (Or a manly chuckle) out of a relationship. I don’t know about you, but I think I’d make a pretty funny-looking homeless lad.

After all, who really cares about the camaraderie and complete selflessness of true friendships?

The Not-So-Important Life Lessons

2009-10-03T02:14:00.004-04:00

Peanut Butter, Jelly, and Bananas – It’s either a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or a peanut butter and banana sandwich. You just can’t have all three together. Also, whenever you can, toast the bread and use crunchy peanut butter.

Texting Etiquette – Anytime you get a one-word message, respond with another one-word message. See how long this can go for. The amusement will definitely get you through a three-hour course on contemporary women’s playwrights.

Drink and Do Drugs – There are only two reasons to be sober: During athletics, and when you have to discuss Chinese economic policies with your friend’s dad. There is nothing more awkward then explaining the exporting procedures of Shanghai after some Jamaican rum.

What Not to Say to a Girl – If you happen to meet an attractive girl, (or guy) never, EVER, tell them you’re not interested in more than a platonic relationship. We all know you’re not thinking about having a platonic relationship.

Learn to Procrastinate – Rush yourself on the important parts of life, because you’ll never know relaxation until you’ve experienced stress. Next time you have a term paper, start researching the night before it’s due!

Oh, and by the way…

Be Hypocritical – Life isn’t about sticking to a set of rules; it’s about changing old habits and adjusting to new environments. Maybe, for once, you’re gonna chug less alcohol. Maybe you just wanna get a head start on your French homework. Hell, perhaps I might even try a PB&J with sliced banana.

Crazy Thought of the Month: Apple Enslavement

2009-09-05T02:05:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow, you’re gonna be pissed as hell.

At 6 in the morning, the doorbell will ring obnoxiously until you furiously answer. Standing on your welcome mat will be a Caucasian male in a black suit with sunglasses. Unfortunately, it’s not Agent Smith, and you haven’t become The One for some sort of Matrix. Instead, this guy will be from Apple Incorporated.

“Good morning, sir”, He’ll monotonously state, “I am here to inform Mr. ___ that he has been selected for Apple Work Camp. He is to arrive- “

“What? I’m Mr. ___ and I have no idea what you’re talking about! Is this a fucking joke?? Dude, get the fuck outta here!” Pardon the language; it is six in the morning, after all.

“Sir, according to our documents, you did agree to the Terms and Conditions of downloading iTunes version 7.4.3, which clearly states in the 13th paragraph that the user is willing to renounce his or her rights as decreed by the ruling government. Am I not correct that you consented to the Terms and Conditions of iTunes version 7.4.3?”

You’ll stand there against your weakened joints and unable to mutter your flabbergast.

“Also”, the Apple Guy will continue, “here are the records indicating that, in the legal notes for iTunes version 8.0.1, you granted Steve Jobs permission to direct your well-being in accordance with any recommendations asserted from our board of trustees.”

Silence ensues as you gaze at the files presented from Apple Guy’s blackened briefcase.

“Finally, on section 28 of Terms and Conditions for the purchase and use of the iPhone 3GS, in which you are said to have purchased in late June of 2009, your signature at the bottom is proof to our agreement for you to perform laboring tasks at the most convenient time of Apple’s calling. So, Mr. ___, are there any objections for falsified information?”

A small breeze drifts through as your living room clock ticks a couple tocks.

All you can do is scream in stillness, amazed at your stupidity to overlook the fine print. Is this really happening? You kick and throw tantrums as two other security guards haul you into a sleek white van, intended to deport you to the bare permafrost of Siberia. (How else could iPods look so white?) No way! None of this should be happening! Especially to you! And then, BOOM! You wake up in your bed, shivering in fright. It’s only 6 in the morning, but you’re just glad that was a dream.

That is, until the doorbell rings.

Creampuff Is Masculine

2009-08-31T05:04:00.005-04:00

My cat’s name is Creampuff. Yes, my sister really did name our pet after a fluff of dough that imparts a scrumptious fill of cream with every bite. She brought him into the house four years ago, and all I felt was pity. How could she relate the poor male kitten (a.k.a. future predator for nearby birds and squirrels…) to a sweet something I might share with a girlfriend? That’s just incredibly unmanly. It’d be like naming your son Emily!

I know, I know. I’m just being prejudice and slightly sexist.

You know what, though; you’re right. Creampuff really showed me up on this one. If you lived with my cat, you’d see that Creampuff is a natural killer, especially when he chases our neighbor’s pet cat. He’ll spend hours waiting with the greatest intent in his eyes and the smallest token of movement. Once he sees another cat coming onto his territory, (My front yard) his hind legs pounce with a threatening strength and…well, I wouldn’t go near those claws of his. Yet, when Creampuff chases that cat towards a bigger, scarier cat, he’ll frighteningly scurry away to the safely of his blanket.

And you know what else? Creampuff may the best definition of masculinity out there.

The thing is, today, mainstream manliness is clogged with too many rappers singing to expensive cars and ridiculously good-looking women.

Okay…not that there’s anything wrong with that image…

Let me rephrase myself; the issue is that this public image has become the persona of the general community. There’s one too many guys too out there pretending to be Lil Wayne’s twin brother, or, trying to survive 9 bullets to the face. It’s particularly disturbing when I’m in quiet New Hampshire and see someone acting as if they’ve lived a hardened life on the streets of Marlborough.

All I’m saying is that masculinity is not always about being tough, but having the guts to understand one’s own strengths and weaknesses. Know when to pounce and when to scurry away, or else you’re just lying to yourself. C’mon, not everyone can be the next 50 Cent.

Then again, not every cat can be the next Creampuff, either.

Gay Rights Aren't Okay

2009-08-21T17:44:00.004-04:00

Oh, boy, is this gonna upset some of you.

To all the crowds out there with those picket signs and griping protests, all the politicians lobbying to legalize gay marriage, and all the closet homosexuals worrying about how their parents will view their own children; you should be ashamed of yourselves. What you’re doing is just plain wrong.

“Homosexuals ask for the right to the pursuit of happiness!” Are you kidding me?

Since when have homosexuals become a different species?

Give up, already. Every time you demand for a signed document granting liberty to love your own gender, you’re suggesting that sexual orientation is not a part of universal human rights. Have faith that it’s always been a part of your freedoms, and is not a matter of a few government officials. Realize that, sometimes, ideals can be beyond mankind. Else, you’re just as bad as the conservatives out there who aspire for all individuals to live along the same rigid ideals.

The streets that you’ve congested with clever slogans and chants only mirror what your critics do. It makes me wonder, ‘Not everyone can be changed, so why you are so stubborn?’ You call for them to be open-minded and accepting, yet become infuriated with those who oppose the idea. Just let them believe in what makes them happy. After all, everyone grips onto different perspectives, because we are all only human.

As for every gay guy and lesbian who stresses over coming out; you’re only feeding the fear that social norms has placed on dissimilarities. Break that barrier, and tell your friends and family with all the courage you can muster. If others see that someone's willing to live with different choices in society, they might do the same. Move on from those who refuse to be accepting, because I’m sure you would want the Church to stop pestering you.

So, please, stop petitioning for the end of Proposition 8 and start promoting the idea that, in the end, we’re all gonna need to live alongside mixed beliefs. Learn to see things from different points of view, even if it’s disagreeable. Otherwise, you’re no better than the homophobe living next door.

Now, wouldn’t that upset you?

Forget About Your Deadlines

2009-08-20T10:08:00.004-04:00

Screw it.

This piece that I spent countless hours composing; you’re never gonna read it. Don’t worry about what it was on, ‘cause I don’t want to think about it.

Yes, it was that awful of an experience.

It’s all because I told myself, “Okay, I’m gonna write a rant, and it’s gonna be finished and posted by tomorrow.” I quickly thought of a topic, and got right to work. The beginning was kinda enjoyable, but little did I know what I was getting myself into.

A couple sentences into the introduction, I began questioning myself on every little detail. Is this title sufficient? Which word fits better, ‘ridiculous’ or ‘ludicrous’? Is that idea even relevant? Soon, the indecisions began to pile up and the unpleasant clutter stuck to my mind. Convinced that I was just having a writer’s block, I left the kitchen, (That’s where I write. Don’t judge me…) hoping to get distracted by other activities. Yet, between mowing the lawn and lacrosse, all I could think of was how I needed to complete a fluent composition.

Anxious, I hurried back into the kitchen to correct the mistakes before I forgot about them. Unfortunately, it did me no good. Every change irritated me with more uncertainty, and the entire article was becoming incoherent. Gradually, I began to wonder if I could even relate to my rant.

“C’mon, Jacky! Get it done already!” I ignored my doubts and furiously went about backspacing and rewriting various paragraphs. Even after taking more breaks, this monotonous process continued.

By the time I was editing the document for the fifteenth time, I finally realized it; my only true complaint was that stupid deadline. Time shouldn't be necessary when I want to do something I like. Having a deadline ruined the joy I had for writing, and made it eerily similar to mandatory school meetings. Therefore, for now, I’ll forget about this rant, and not worry about when or if I’ll ever bring it up again.

So, next time you’re frantically struggling to finish a painting or an entire pizza pie, remember; it’s easier to find beauty in artwork created with passion and, well, cold pizza does taste better.

Let Your Kids Curse

2009-08-16T05:12:00.005-04:00

It was back in second grade when I learned the f-word.

“Jeremy, c’mon, what’s the f-word? What is it???”

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. It’s f-u-c-k…”

I stood there, trying to sound it out, (I was still in ESL at the moment) and finally, I looked up at Jeremy and then at my classroom teacher.

“Fuuuck….”

My teacher looked at me, mortified that I, the little quiet Asian kid, had just uttered such a repulsive sound. She went on to punish me with detention during lunchtime, in which I sat at my desk and watched my friends (Friends? Thanks a lot, Jeremy…) have fun running around on the school’s black asphalt.

Looking back on it, adults are just way too strict when it comes to what comes out of a child’s mouth. The grown-ups that I grew up with always tended to scowl when I repeated what I heard from MTV and American Pie, and for a long time, I couldn’t fully comprehend why. It was just something I couldn’t do outside my group of friends.

Nowadays, it seems even worse, with Youtube videos of cursing babies popping up everywhere and movie ratings lowering their standards. (Didn’t know you can have penises in R-movies…ahem, Bruno…) I can only imagine the confusion among little kids today, as their elders tell them to do the exact opposite of what they see on the TV/computer. What happens is then these kids might go to college dropping every awful expression they can think of, or awkwardly mutter a foul word during a job interview.

But all this can be prevented! How? Just let them curse! If the cursing really bothers you, ignore them when they tell you stories involving the s-word or the a-word. Drop hints for their apparent rudeness but don’t lash out on them. Give them a small sense of responsibility for their actions, ‘cause that’s gonna come a long way when they enter the professional world.

Of course, I can only vouch for myself here. Since my parents don’t speak much English, I was left alone to my own devices. (Or words…) I went through a few phases here and there, like in third grade when I constantly mixed up “shoot” and “shit.” Eventually, as I met more people, shared more conversations, and got more detentions, I began to gain an understanding of the effects of what I say.

So don’t mind it too much, unless your child is saying “(Bleep) you, you (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) piece of (bleep) (bleeeep)” when you ask him to clean his room. Then, maybe, you probably shouldn’t take my writings so seriously.